06x12 - Let the Door Be Lock'd

[bunniefuu]

As of now, you're gone.
Come on.

To vengeance and a pork-free home.

You are not part of our family.

You never have been.

And the oinker's still at large.

And I'm working on it.

Sparky.

But to pose at a parking warden?
It can't be worth it.

I am a parking warden.

A full rewiring, and the cops will
never know that you were here.

I can't do this.
I have sworn off women.

I'm no woman.

We're totally honoured to
be working on this project.

But you stil have to pay
them for their labour.

(GASPS)
They're being paid as we speak.

(SIGHS) Hayden, stop it.

Why?

Because we have to take Jane to
daycare. We have things to do.

OK, but while we're showering.

Whoa, sexy and
efficient use of time.

Sorry, won't be much longer.

No, no, keep going.

And thank you, thank you. Do you
know how long I have begged to
put a lock on this door?

Yeah, I thought it
was about time, eh.

Whoa, sh*t, sorry.

Mm, I reckon. Way past time.

Oi!
Sorry, sorry.

Way, way past time.

Ew, stiffy.
(LAUGHS)

Oh, f...

You guys wanna use that bathroom?

No, no, we're good. You carry on.

[ WOMAN: Hello.

Oh my God, Loretta!
(LAUGHS)

f*ck, Mandy.

Pascalle, baby.
f*ck.

Oh, you still look gorgeous, even
after all you've been through.

Oh, I had to come once I heard.

And you...

must be Wayne.

Oh, the way you've stood
by Cheryl is amazing.

Actually, not Wayne.

Actually, Mandy, my husband.

You're married?
Mm-hm.

(LAUGHS) Get the f*ck out.

So you must be Wayne.

And you must be Cheryl's
little sister Mandy.

So good to finally meet you.

HELLO SAILOR'S 'GUTTER BLACK'

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.'

♪ My luck in the gutter black.

♪ I guess I'm running back...

♪ ...to you.

♪ You in my brain.
You in my heart. ♪

I get that West women are a force of
nature, but you're talking like this
Mandy's some kind of witch.

Well, usually she's a word
that rhymes with witch.

When she comes into town,
weird sh*t happens.

The lights start flickering?

No, the men who come into contact
with her — they start acting weird.

Weird?

Like they're on heat.

We call it the Mandy Effect.

She is undoubtedly a
very attractive woman.

Hayden.
Mm?

If you go anywhere near
her, I will geld you.

(LAUGHS)

I'll rewire you, Sparky,
you q*eer-shaped prick!

Boys, boys, stop!

There's plenty of
Angel to go around.

Why is it all around him and not me?

No, it isn't!
Yes, it f*cking is.

Hey, hey, hey, what's going on?

How come he's getting it
for nothing and I'm not?

I'm not getting anything.

Yes, you are. And you love it.

How come he gets it for free?!

OK, all right, all right. Sparky's
receiving a few extra privileges,
OK? For his... services.

But I do happen to work here.
No, you don't.

In small ways that
you might not notice.

Eric, you're not getting it free.

And you are not gonna get it at all
unless you finish the bloody wiring.

SLAP!

So is this all part
of the Mandy Effect?

[ How can it be? They don't
even know she's here.
Is Mandy in town?

Yeah, actually. Last seen at the
house, so why don't you go and
annoy her?

I might do that.
Be nice to catch up.

Hey, Sparky. You
stay here. You work.

Oh, I need some... supplies.

They're technical.

Thanks for bringing up her name (!)

So who is this Mandy bitch?

They don't seriously think
they're in with a sh*t?

Mm, history would suggest otherwise.

Eric? ]

Oh, you're kidding?

Hello? So who is this
slapper with the effect?

Mum's sister. And slut
legend — Mandy the Mauler.

She's had a yawning wide-on for
Dad ever since she was old enough
to screw,

but her always said no or
Mum would punch her out.

So she would move on to whoever was
standing next to Dad at the time.

Mm-hm.
Well, with Wolf not here, who
knows who she'll set her sights on?

I swear I am the world's worst
flyer. I always miss my boarding
call.

When I get on the flight,
everyone stares at me like
I'm a huge spinner. Mm.

Then I'm always stuck between the
fat man and the guy to join the
mile-high club with me.

So, you and Cheryl have been
together for a while now, I hear.

Yeah.

So where have you been, Auntie
Mandy?

Darwin, mainly. And Dubai.

And Mum got in touch with you?

I haven't heard from Cheryl
in yonks. Wolf told me.

Well, what the f*ck is
Dad doing in Dubai?

No, he's in Perth, working with
his brother Gary. Who knew he had
a brother? He's quite a hunk.

Why were you in Perth?

Things didn't work out in Dubai.
Anyway, I walked into a bar, and
there was Wolf.

Small universe, eh?
Yeah.

Him and Gary are doing earthmoving
out in the mines. They'd come into
town for the day.

Must have been really
fun for you to catch up.

We had a couple of beers. (CHUCKLES)

Where he told you about Cheryl.
Yeah.

Did he say how he knew about Cheryl?

Oh, they've been talking.
Emails and phone calls, I guess.

Wolf turned into an honest
businessman — who'd have
figured? (LAUGHS)

Only me.

Sparky! Oh, is that you?

Hey, baby.

Oh.

Look at you — so smart.

Oh, I heard you were in town.

Sparky, you know what happens
if I drink too many screwdrivers.

Oh,... ]
Come with me.

...just maybe one. ]

(LAUGHS) Don't make
it too strong, OK?

(CHUCKLES) I won't.

(LOCKS DOOR)

(SIGHS) OK, you have
to get out of here.

You locked the door.

No, I mean the house —
away from her.

Mandy? Why?

You just do.

You gonna tell me why?

(SIGHS)

Mandy kind of has this for
going after Mum's guys.

Like Wolf, who she saw in Perth.
Yep.

Who's been chatting with Cheryl.

Mum and Dad will always find
a way to stay in touch, OK?
It's what they do.

She's in prison in Christchurch and
he's on the other side of f*cking
Australia.

I wouldn't read too much into it.

Did you know about this?
No.

Just try not to worry about it, OK?

(SIGHS) I won't.

You look great, Eric.

Oh, you too. (CHUCKLES)

Remember the pants?

Oh, how could I forget the pants?

You still look just the same.

Oh, bless.

Sparky and I are just having
screwdrivers. You in?

Yeah, go on, then.

You want one?
I'd love one.

But I've got a site inspection.

And I've gotta go to work.

But later, for sure.

One Audi, fully repossessed.

Good work.

You're like locusts, you lot.

Well, if people live
beyond their means.
PHONE RINGS

Any time you want to f*ck off
to your own work, Grandpa,

don't let me stand in your way.

I am working.

What do you want, Pascalle?

We have a crisis.

What is it this week?

Mandy is in town.

Mandy?
We have to get rid of her.

Mandy the Mauler's here?

Is she at the house?
Yes, at the house.

She's at the house?
Thank God Cheryl's in prison.

Look, Mum's not here, Wolf's not
here — I don't see a problem.

f*ck, you're useless.

Well, if you do think there's a
problem, you deal with it. I'm busy.

OK, what's Mandy doing here? ]
Who knows?

Who cares? I have unfinished
business with that woman.

No, Grandpa, you're married.

She gave access to the right one;
she owes the left one.

It's gonna feel exactly the same as
the right one, only years older.

Ew! You felt up
Cheryl's sister's tits?

Tit — singular. ]

Before she had to run off to puke.

And it was without doubt the finest
tit I have ever had the pleasure of
knowing.

(CHUCKLES)
Ew!

(LAUGHS) No, I remember that
night, eh. I was and I was
getting pissed on the leftovers.

And I walked in on Grandpa copping
a feel of Auntie Mandy, eh.

LAUGHTER
Ew, what a whore.

No. Nah, she just liked a good
time, man, and she's not fussy.

Cheryl told me about Wolf, but
what a skank getting it on with
your father-in-law.

She never rooted Grandpa.
Not like Eric and Sparky

and Falani and—

You got it on with Cheryl's sister?

God bless you for bringing that up,
Van West (!) I prefer to think it
was my Polynesian allure

rather than she was drunk after
striking out with Wolf again. ]

And even with the black eye Cheryl
gave her, she was still hot — hot.

Yeah, well, I hope Mrs Falani
punished you severely.

She did. She married me.

OK, is there no one who hasn't
got it on with this woman?

I haven't, Kase.
Thank God for that, Van. ]

Munter?
Uh, babe, we should go pick up
Hemi from Rochelle's, eh?

Munter, you didn't?

Oh, I was young, babe.
She was up for it.

Ew!
Baby.

Ew!
Thanks, bro (!)

Oh, for God's sake.

You are not welcome in this house.

Did anybody hear grunting?

Pathetic.

Oh, sh*t, sorry.
No, no, no. Stay. stay.
I need to talk to you.

Are they still out there?

Your fan club? Hell, yes.

sh*t.

It's OK, Wayne. You can
look in my direction.

See? Bubbles strategically
cover all the naughty bits.

I was hoping if I stayed in here
long enough, they'd get the hint.
Now I've gone all pruney.

I don't think they're
going anywhere.

They wanna take me out and get me
pissed, but I am not that girl any
more.

I am here for Cheryl, I swear.

Except that she's not actually here.

I'm off to Christchurch
tomorrow. Can you help?

OK, you lot. Out of here.

There's that grunting sound again.

The lady has decided to have a quiet
night in. You guys are on your bike.

Did she say that?
Yes, Eric. The message
was, 'Bugger off.'

I need to hear that
from her lips, eh.

Last I looked, you
were an escaped felon.

All right, I can take a hint.

And if you don't piss off,
I'm gonna call Ngaire.

Squealer.

Well, if she changes her mind,
she knows where to find us.

Someone's in with a chance.

Bloody unfair advantage,
being Cheryl's bloke.

SEWING MACHINE WHIRRS

Loretta, there are more important
things than your wiring.

Well, not when the idiot doing
the wiring is off chasing skirt.

What I can't understand is why he's
off chasing skirt when he's got the
bonus prize right here.

Life's a mystery, Angel.

She can't stay in the house.
What about the caravan?

No, she can't even
stay near the house.

For once, I actually agree with you.

Oh right, this is the Mandy Effect.

You're not scared she's
gonna make a play for me?

(SCOFFS) As if.

You could put your hand in your
pocket and take me to a hotel —
keep me safe from temptation.

Yeah, I'll take my chances, thanks.

Oh, decided to come back, have you?

I thought you might have some
lubricant. These things are
chafing like a bastard.

Ew. Why don't you go
and ask no-taste Mandy?

No, there's be no
Mandy-mauling action for Eric.

She's chosen another.

It better not be Sparky.

No. Judd.
He wouldn't.

Oh yeah. Yeah, he kicked us
all out so they could be alone.

No f*cking way.

Yeah, you go and defend his honour.

Sorry, honey. Hotel dream is over.

Yeah, but if Wayne's the new Wolf,
I hope I'm not standing beside him
when he turns her down.

Thought you were copping a feel.

The glorious other nork is
spoken for, and it couldn't
be a less-deserving customer.

Who?
Pig man.

Mandy going for Cheryl's bloke.
(LAUGHS) Who would have seen
that coming (?)

Do you think she'll land him?

She's a hard woman to say no to.

Mm, she is.

Be a terrible thing to put
a temptation like Mandy

in the path of a man whose woman
wasn't around to stop one thing
leading to another.

Imagine the trouble that that man
would be in when the woman found
out.

He'd be out on his ear, I reckon.

How did you do it?

(CHUCKLES) Do what?

(GIGGLES)

[ DOOR OPENS

Well, at least she's not
doing him on the table.

How can you talk like that
in front of your daughter?

Any sign?
No, no one's here.

But there has been screwdriving.

And a bubble bath.
JANE SQUEALS

Oh dear. Mandy does love
a good bubble bath.

Shut up.

Why are you taking
this so seriously?

Because he's Mum's
boyfriend, Loretta.

Yeah, but she's in jail,

and Wayne hasn't had a good shag in
ages, so maybe it'd be good for him.

That is so wrong.

What if it was me?

You're not getting a hotel.

Yeah, but to be on the safe side,
huh? We can drop Jane off at my
sister's...

Mandy will get a notch in her belt,
and Wayne will get some stress
relief.

No, he is a good man, and he
doesn't deserve a slag like Mandy.

Maybe they're in the caravan.

Why would they be in the caravan?
They have the whole house.

PHONE RINGS

Mandy's house of love.

Loretta?

Hi, Mum. How are you?

I'm good. How are you?

Fine. What's up?

Why did you just answer 'Mandy's
house of love' when you picked up?

Guess who we've got visiting?

(CHUCKLES)

Honey, it was only sex one time.

Long time before we met.
Stop going on about it.

I am not going on about it.

Yeah, you are kind of.
AARON: Mm-hmm.

Fine, I'm done.

Sex is a monster
that eats your soul.

Oh, get over yourself. You love it.

No.

Yes.

But it's wrong.
(LAUGHS)

You guys are freaking me out.

Oh, why don't you get Mandy
the Mauler to take care of it?

No more talk of that
woman, starting now.

Oh, hey, Pascalle.
Has Wayne been in here?

Nope.

What about Mandy?

SPARKY: Oh, is she meeting you here?

No, she's missing.

It has come to pass.
He is her chosen one.

I'd go there. He's quite a hottie.

But he's Cheryl's bloke.

Oh yeah, the Wolf thing.

The one she never landed.

I need a drink.
What do you need?

Anything but a screwdriver.

A bourbon and coke?

Same again?
Sure.

Wayne Judd — that is so wrong.

Oh well, in my experience, you can
take that up with him in three days
when he emerges.

Three days?

You said it was once.

Babe.

Must be so hard for you, holding it
together with Cheryl so far away.

I cope.

You'll probably hate me for this —
she was always a handful.

(LAUGHS) True, that.

Her and Wolf nearly gave Mum
and aneurysm when they ran off.

Then she had the real aneurysm
later. And Jeanette had a cow,
cos you know she rooted Wolf.

And he dumped her for Cheryl,
and she thought she was ugly,
which she was.

And I was the one who ended up
wearing all the sh*t.

That don't seem fair.

I know. After left Cheryl left,
if a guy even looked at me,
Mum would go septic.

I can't help the way I look.

You look fine.

Didn't have to say that.

PHONE RINGS

Take it. I don't mind.

It's work. I'll get it later.

Hi, um, it's me, again. Uh, listen,
I really need to talk to you.

(SIGHS) OK, I'll
call again tomorrow.

A-And watch out for Mandy.

(LAUGHS) You must think
I'm so insensitive. Why?

For going on about Cheryl.
You must miss her.

Yeah. Did Wolf say how he
knew Cheryl was in prison?

Gary saw it on the web — some news
site. Wolf tracked her down somehow.

Right.

Hey, don't worry about Wolf.

He's ancient history.

I am here for you, Wayne.

So if you want to yell
or let rip or cut loose,

I will so...

not say anything.

Hey, thank you.

For what?

Driving me home, even though you
probably shouldn't be driving.

Hang on.

You OK?

Mm-hm.

Do you want a drink?

Do you know what
I find sexy in a man?

Ginger hair.

(LAUGHS) No.

BOTH LAUGH

Oh.

No. Truth and honesty.

And when that's gone,
it's just really sad.

I've always been honest with you.

Sometimes a little bit too honest.

(CHUCKLES)

I really like that.

Really?

I feel like I've been cheating
on you, even though there's no
you to cheat on.

OK, I think even if I was sober,
I wouldn't get that one.

I-I've been seeing
a prost*tute. (GROANS)

OK.
I didn't want to. I just...
(SIGHS) I couldn't say no.

Well, you can. You just have
to do it before you hire them.

It wasn't like that.

It was...

(SIGHS)

Just Loretta — I've been doing work
at her place, and she been paying
me with one of her girls.

I just... I try to say no, but—

She's been paying you in sex?

I just didn't know how to say no.

Hang on, instead of
paying you with money,

she's been giving you sex instead?

Well... Well, not Loretta,...
(CHUCKLES) obviously,

but, um, yeah, one of her girls.

Chastity. Or Susan.
I forget what to call her.

Yeah, I met her. She's really nice.

But she's not you.

I'm really sorry.

You shouldn't be sorry. Loretta
should be the one who is sorry

for not treating you with
the respect that you deserve.

OK.

Now, we need more drinks.

OK.

So, what now?

Well,...

I was thinking home.

Come on, Wayne. The night is young.
We could go dancing.

I'm more of a 'dance on
the inside' kind of guy.

(GIGGLES) OK, no dancing.

We can do whatever you want.

Anything...

you want.

(GROANS)

(SNORES SOFTLY)

(GROANS)

SOLEMN MUSIC

(GRUNTS)

Morning, Pascalle.
Hi.

You and your friend looked very
comfy on the couch when we came
in last night. (LAUGHS)

He's cute.

Where's Wayne?

He had to go to work early.

Unfortunately.

DOOR SLAMS

SOLEMN MUSIC

Morning.

Morning.

You and Aaron tie one on last night?

So?

So it was hard not to
notice when we got home.

Aaron's actually a really nice
guy when you get to know him.
Yeah, I know he is.

And we talked about all sorts of
stuff last night, and that's all.

I never said it wasn't.

Wasn't what?

Anything more than that.

Well, it wasn't.

OK, fine. Sorted.

Actually, I need to
sort something myself.

Go for it.
I will.

Oh, so good of you to pop back (!)

There was some internal dialogue.

Whatever. Will the spa pool be
wired up by the end of the day?

W—
I need to have a word with you.

No, you don't.
Yes, I do. Are you using
Aaron as a sex sl*ve?

Who'd pay to have sex with Aaron?

No, I mean are you paying him in
sex, not money, to work for you?

Yes, it was Hayden's idea.

Don't go deflecting.
No, it was a good idea.

No, it's not, because it's wrong.
It is wrong.

You keep out of this. Aaron is
perfectly happy with the deal.

No, he's not. Not deep down.

Did he tell you this while you two
were cuddling together on the couch?

That has nothing to do with it.

Pascalle, he chose the deal.

If he f*cking you while he is
f*cking Chastity, then that's
his problem.

If only life were that simple.

Sparky, get back to work.

However you paint it,
Loretta, it is still wrong.

No, it's not.

Aaron is a man. Men follow their
cocks. That's the way it is, and
that's the way they like it.

Now go away.

SOLEMN MUSIC

Hey, hard worker.
Hi.

You left before I could
thank you for last night.

Oh, no thanks necessary.

Sure there was. So I went with
the second-best way I know to
thank a man —

food and drink. (GIGGLES)

Both work for me.

Do I wanna know your
best way to thank a man?

We'll get to that after the food.

Loretta is evil.

Yes.

Well, stop her.
Being evil?

Yes, and treating Aaron like a sex
sl*ve and paying him only in sex.

Ah, so he's another one
getting it for free.

No, not for free. He's
being treated like a sl*ve.

Do you realise how much the rest of
us are expected to pay to be treated
like a sl*ve?

(LAUGHS)

Van, you are a Tool Guy. OK, how can
it be good business sense for the
other Tools to be paid only in sex?

I don't know. I'm not
the manager. Move.

You are a trainee manager.

Yeah, but I haven't finished
my training, have I? Move.

You have the power to stop her.

She has the power to
f*ck up my life, so no way.

And anyway, it's
Aaron Spiller. Who cares?

You're a wimp.

Yeah?
Mm-hmm.

Why don't you come here
and say that, d*ck?

Fine, I will.
No, no, no. Don't, don't.

THWAP!
(SQUEALS)

(LAUGHS)
Van, you're a wimp! And you are too!

(GIGGLES)

sh*t, sorry about the mess.
I'll clean it up when you get back.

See you, Pascalle.

(GIGGLES)

SOLEMN MUSIC

Nice of you to come in, finally.

What else am I meant to do?

Enjoy the ride? Enjoy the fact
that you're no longer a virgin?

That is not nice.
Who cares? You need to fit
the restraints in the cave.

What if I don't want to?

Aaron, will you stop
being such a pain?

Sending your girlfriend in to soften
me up and then pulling this sh*t.

What girlfriend?
Pascalle, your little couch buddy.

What, she came in?

She remembered what we talked about?

Less talk, more work.

Chastity will be in at lunchtime.

No.

What?

No.

You can take your job
and you can shove it,

because I work for money not p*ssy,
and I'm not your... p*ssy p*ssy any
more.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I-I feel
the freedom, and I feel the power
to say no.

Tell Chase it's, like,
nothing person, OK?

I'm out of here.

Aaron.
Me too.

What?
[ What he said.

You know, I refuse to be ruled by
my penis when it is not my path
in life. (SIGHS)

Send me back to prison if you want.
I'll be freer there than I am here.

PHONE RINGS

(GROANS)
What?

Why the f*ck did I just get a text
from Pascalle saying you're running
a brothel?

I didn't know they did drinks
with umbrellas at the Rusty Nail.

What you did for me today and last
night — it's... it's given me the
power, eh.

Actually, Aaron, about last night—

Just, please, let me
say what I need to say.

All right.

OK, um... (CLEARS THROAT)

Well, um, OK, well,... when you
fall in love with someone, it,
um— it creeps up on you.

And— And before you know
it, it's, like, um,...

i-it's taken hold.

You know, like right in the
centre of— of who you are.

And you start, um, thinking things
and doing things that you're not
proud of. (CHUCKLES)

But, um,...

I won't trouble you any more.

What do you mean?

No more being a d*ck around you.

I'll— I'll always love you,
but I just need to man up.

Be a man, not a d*ck who believes
in love like it's miraculously
gonna get you to love me,

cos the world doesn't
work like that, and I...

I have to face it.

Do you wanna go out tonight?

Sorry?

You and me, get dressed
up and go out on a date?

Are... Are you sure?

Yep.

I am.

The vitamin C balances the alcohol.
Not the way you pour them.

(LAUGHS)

Hello, honey.

Hey, honey.

Would you like one of these
lethal yet healthy drinks?

I'm good, thanks.
PHONE RINGS

GLASSES CLINK

Hi. When were you going to
tell me about my daughter
running a f*cking brothel?

(LAUGHS)
Hold on.

sh*t, a couple more of these
and I could be anybody's.

(LAUGHS)

I was going to tell you
when the time was right.

Yeah, and when was that gonna be?

At a time when you
wouldn't spazz out.

Look, she's not even .

It's business, Cheryl. It's legal—

No, don't you give me that
'it's legal' crap. What about Jane?

Jane is fine.

How can Jane be fine when her
parents are selling sex for
a living?

Jesus. Wayne, you...

You cannot keep these
secrets from me.

Oh, that's rich, coming from you.
Were you ever gonna tell me about
your cosy little chats with Wolf?

Were you ever gonna let
me in on those ones?

Look, I don't know what Mandy is
telling you, but there is nothing—

f*ck what Mandy said.

I wanna hear what you've got to say.

OK, he got in touch,
and— and we communicate.

Look, Wolf understands what
it's like to be in here.

I understand too, Cheryl.

I went to prison once
for you. For you.

Or did you f*cking forget that?

No...
PHONE BEEPS

Wayne!
THUD!

Oh, sorry. Were you planning
on sleeping here tonight?

Had crossed my mind.

You haven't made other arrangements?
She hasn't dragged you back to her
nest to feed?

WHISPERS: I think
Judd's her chosen mate.

Vampires can feed more than once.

We should really escape.
I'm not taking you to a hotel.

Are you sure? They've got,
uh, movies on a big telly,

drinks in little bottles,

big bath, a big bed.

You had me at 'movies on the TV'.

Yes!

THE ROCK AND ROLL MACHINE'S
'ROCK N' ROLL JUNKY'

If anybody wants Jane, she's
going to be at Bernadette's place.

Where will you be?

At a very expensive but
undisclosed location.

I never would have picked
Loretta as the marrying kind.

I still don't.

Whoa, even I would f*ck
you in that dress. (LAUGHS)

Where are you off to?

Aaron's choice. Don't wait up.

OK, we won't.

DOOR SLIDES

Evening, West-house people.

Wow. You look amazing.

Couch man this morning.

Um, Aaron.

OK, we have to go. Night.

Uh, sure. Uh, bye.

Have fun.

She is gonna eat that boy alive.

Another screwdriver?

Yeah, ta, for sure.

How's the food?
Beautiful, thank you. How's yours?

You haven't actually
touched your meal yet.

I should be so grateful,
shouldn't I?

I dunno. Should you?

Yeah, that a really nice
guy like you is into me.

Oh, you don't have to be.

LOUDLY: No, I should be, and if
I wasn't so f*cked up, I would be.

No, no, you're not—
you're not f*cked up.

Yes, I am.

I shouldn't be near any guys,
cos I get so f*cked up about it!

Oh, hey, hey, he's—
he's gone now, OK?

Who?
Nicky G.

Ew, not Nicky. I f*cking
hate Nicky. He's dead to me.

Well, if this is some, uh,
food-related chick weight-loss
issue, I mean, you have nothing to—

No, Aaron. The issue is me.

I hate myself. I hate everything
about me. I hate that I brought
you here for all the wrong reasons,

and I hate that I ordered
this amazing food,...
SMASH!

...and I don't even want it!
(WAILS) I hate me! (SOBS)

Whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey.
Don't do that, please. Please.

(SOBS)
OK, we're gonna have to make
a run for it. OK? Yeah? Yeah?

(SOBS)

That doesn't seem right or proper.

Or even possible.

Maybe he's given her dr*gs.

Ooh, I don't think we'll be
going back to that restaurant.

(LAUGHS)
I don't think so.

No, I think the Rusty
is more our speed. Yes.

What?

You know that you're
actually a little bit cute?

(CHUCKLES)

And you are actually wonderful,

even when you're being scary.

Oh.

Hey, hey, hey!
Whoa! No!

No, no! Uh-uh-uh-uh!

[ ALL PROTEST

(GAGS)

Pricks!

Is there a problem?

You know that's Aaron Spiller?

Yes, and he's actually
a really lovely guy,

and I could do a whole lot worse.
Not really.

You arseholes can keep all your
f*cking opinions to yourselves.

You know what's going on here.

She's lost her marbles?

It's the Mandy Effect.

What has that got to do with it?

It's the only reason you'd
be tongue-diving that ginga.

Bet Jethro never thought that would
happen when he flew her over.

When Jethro did what?

Where is she?
Who?

Mandy.
Bathroom. Why?

Man, she can move fast.

f*ck.

(GRUNTS)

Who paid for your ticket here?

Eh?
Who paid for your flight?

I did.
SLAP!

(YELPS)
Jesus, Pascalle—!

No, you need to hear this.

Who paid for your flight here,
and don't you dare lie to me.

Jethro.

I phoned him after I talked
to Wolf. He offered.

Why?
So I could come see Cheryl.

SLAP!
f*ck!

Admit it: you are here to do what
you always do, which is to sleep
with Cheryl's man.

I don't know why you think
you need to do this,

but you are here to f*ck him
just like you f*cked Dad.

I never f*cked Wolf.

Yes, you did. I was there.

Pascalle, you can never
tell anyone about this.

Because Mum will get mad
and hit Auntie Mandy again?

Yes, and because one day,
we can use this.

You need to get help. And you need
to stay away from Wayne, because
he is way too good for you.

Aaron, can you help Mandy get her
things, take her somewhere and look
after her?

Sure.

SOMBRE MUSIC

MUSIC CONTINUES

I gotta send a message.

I'll see you soon, OK.

You're working late.

Yeah, I was just leaving.

Not till we've had a word.

Could you make it quick? I've got
an up-for-it blonde waiting for me.

That's what you had for me,
right, when you called in Mandy.

Why do you want me out so bad that
you would try that dumb-arse stunt?

Cos I don't like you!

How many more f*cking
reasons do you want?!

I'm not your father, Jethro.

And thanks for giving me a
whole bunch of reasons to stay.

[ FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Did you smack Jethro?

(LAUGHS) Tempted, but no.

Well, you should have.

Sorry.
For what?

For my f*ck-knuckle brother
setting my slut auntie on to you.

Pascalle, if you're apologising for
all the grief your family's given
me, we'll be here all night.

And, um,...

it's safe with me.

What is?
You know.

You think I slept with Mandy?

Didn't you?

No!

God. Not that she didn't try.

We can do whatever you want.

Anything...

you want.

Well, I was thinking home,

bed, sleep.

Doesn't really strike
me as Pascalle's type.

There's a small problem with the
whole bed thing — I don't have one.

I made up one downstairs.

Thanks for dinner.

So if you wanna book your ticket, I
know a travel agent down the block.

Are you trying to get rid of me?

It's just I wouldn't want you
hanging around for the wrong
reasons.

And there's no way that I could...

tempt you.

No.

Oh, sh*t.
Oh, sh*t.

Oh, sorry.
So you didn't—?

No! God, man, she's not my type.

(CHUCKLES) Well, she's
everyone else's type.

I ain't everybody else.

I mean, she doesn't have the heart,
the goodness and the love of life
that I want in a woman.

She ain't... my type.

I've gotta go to sleep.

Me too.

THE VEILS' 'THE LEAVERS DANCE'

♪ Berenice,

♪ my hands, my feet

♪ are worn

♪ as much as yours are.

♪ And though my head,
my hands, my heart

♪ are forming,

♪ they still feel worlds apart.

♪ Berenice,

♪ beneath it all

♪ you're golden.

♪ And that's all I'm feeding on.

♪ And though my head...

Couldn't sleep?

Nope.

I think we're gonna
need a... new lock.

♪ Berenice,

♪ there's no release at all.

♪ That's not worth dying for. ♪

They'll so charge you for that robe.

There was only one robe in
the room when I checked.

Cos the other one was in your bag.

How's Mandy?

No idea where she is.

Yes! Gone.

Oh, I thought I was
in with a chance there.

(SCOFFS)

Oh, no Aaron on the couch this
morning? That's disappointing.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

I'm sorry.

I should have told you.

I know I should have told you.

I just... I know how you'd react.

I'm sorry.

It's OK.

You know, me and Wolf — we've
got history, but that's all.

You've got nothing to worry about.
You do know that, don't you?

Yeah, I know that.

I should have told you
about the Loretta thing.

So, yeah,...

sorry. (CLEARS THROAT)

Sorry about that.

HELLO SAILOR'S
'GUTTER BLACK' PLAYS

♪ Lying in the gutter,

♪ I cut the cord from my mother.

♪ She pat me on the head and said,

♪ 'Go to sea, boy.
Get to sea, man.' ♪

MUSIC CONTINUES