01x07 - Episode 7

[bunniefuu]

[ French accent ]
I suggest the bed for sleeping.

Mm-hmm.

Whereas the chair
is very good for watching tv.

Right, right.

Gee, my hand sure is cold.

Oh!
Oh, here, fit this.

Oh, how gracious, monsieur.
Thank you.

Oh, sir, if you
should leave the room,

Be sure to check out
the local rooms --

Very old,
very handsome.

Handsome rooms,
very expen--

Oh, sir!
How gracious.

Oh!

Oh, thank you, sir.

Oh, how gracious.

[ French accent ]
what's wrong, my michelle?

[ French accent ]
oh, silvie,

I can't stop thinking
about tony --

Wondering where he could be,
who he is with,

What is he thinking?
Is he thinking of me?

And whether
he'll ever return someday.

Oh, michelle.
Hmm?

You have to stop lying awake,
wondering about tony --

Wondering where he is,
who he could be with,

What he's thinking,
if he's thinking of you,

And whether
he'll ever return one day.

What?
What?

[ French accent ] upstairs
we are having a fabulous party,

But we've run out of wine.

So I am forced
to borrow a bottle of yours.

My god,
it stinks in here.

It stinks of stupid women
wondering about tony.

Wondering where he could be,
who he is with,

What he's thinking,
whether he's thinking of you,

And if he'll ever return
someday.

You'll get --
[ gasps ]

[ Door slams ]

Forget him.
He's stupid.

I know.

Michelle,
are you crying?

No, I am not crying.

I'm just thinking
about tony --

Wondering where he could be,
who he is with,

What is he thinking?
Is he thinking of me?

And whether
he'll ever return someday.

Sorry,
what did you say?

Oh, I was just saying that
I was thinking about tony --

You know, wondering
where he could be,

Who he is with,
what is --

Okay, I left.
I got confused at that part.

When did you start
being confused?

Okay,
you were wondering about --

Tony.

Granted, right now
you and shari

Are having huge, huge,
immense problems.

But in time,
you'll learn to ignore them

And stay together
, long years.

Gee, thanks.
Forget it.

As for you two
and your problems,

It's really quite --
okay, gentlemen,
we're at altitude.

Who's first?

Uh...
Uh, gee...

Sir?
Yeah?

I'll go second.

Second.

Come on, gentlemen,
the air is toasty.

Who wants to go first?

Come on, guys.

What are the odds of one of us
plummeting to our death

On our very first jump?

, To .

Oh...
Oh, but still...

Look, if you guys
are a little nervous,

I'll make the first jump.

Oh, that's great.
That's really nice of you.

Andy...

Thank you
for all the lessons.

Tell you what.

Take my lucky comb --
my way of saying thanks.

Okay, guys,
see you on the ground.

Gee, kelly's a nice guy.

Yeah, he is.

[ Thinking ]
wait a second.

I'm setting myself up
for an ironic tragedy.

Popular guy jumps.
Parachute doesn't open.

"Gee, he was nice.

Why does it always happen
to the nice guys?"

Well, I'm not gonna be
a nice dead guy.

What are you losers
waving at?!

Give me back my comb,
straw head!

Eeh!

See you crapburgers
on the ground!

Aaahhhh!

Oh, his parachute
isn't opening very well.

[ Splat ]

Oh!

Oh!

Oh.

Okay, who's next?

Next?!
Yeah, next.

Come on, what are the odds

Of two of us plummeting
to our death

On our very first jump?

Million to .

I'm not gonna make it!
I'm not gonna make it!

I'm not gonna make it!!

You are gonna make it!
And you want to know why?

Why?
'Cause I'm jumping
with you.

Remember our pact?
Yeah.

You're not gonna die on me.
You're not gonna die on me.

You're not gonna die
on me.

See you, fellows.
We're going together.

Good luck.

Aaahhhh!!
Aaahhhh!!

[ Splat ]

Ooh!
[ Splat ]

Oh. He died on him.
He died right on him.

He died right on
his own twin brother.

You know, they left the world
seven seconds apart.

Isn't that the same way
they came in?

Yeah, it is.

Hold it.

What are the odds
of twins even being born?

, To .

And the odds of two of them
plummeting to their death

On their very first jump?

One billion to .

I got a hunch.

Oh, no,
I won the lottery.

Whoa!
Million to !

Okay, okay.

Now what are the odds

Of four of us plummeting
like sacks of cement

To our death
on our very first jump,

Two of us being twins,
and me winning the lottery?

Roughly
trillion to .

Not good enough.

It's these parachutes!

I've been watching them
defy the odds all day!

I'm gonna jump
without one.

What are the odds of a guy
jumping from , feet

And hitting the pavement
running?

To .

Good.

I'm off.

I feel lucky.

It's working.
It's working.

It's wor--
[ splat ]

"I feel lucky."

Hi, I'm mark mckinney.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Do you know that one out of
three marriages ends in divorce?

Not great odds, are they?

And you know what?
They're rising.

Statistics don't lie.

Unfortunately, lovers do.

For example, if I should marry
either of the three women

I'm currently seeing,

I would have to come home
to our marriage house each night

Knowing there was a % chance
that I had cheated on her.

And what's worse,

There'd be an equal chance
that she had cheated on me.

So remember -- if you find
yourself standing at the altar,

Remember, you're not looking
at your betrothed,

But a pair
of loaded dice.

[ Scoffs ] snake eyes!

So, please, think back
on this riveting playlet

Before you say,
"I feel lucky."

Okay, now, um,
don't cash this one right away.

Oh, sir, how gracious.
That's so nice.

Oh, how clumsy of me.
Allow me, sir.

Sure, I understand.

Oh, so nice of you
to give me a --

Here, wait a month
before you cash.

Oh, a month?

Do you know
what I mean, silvie?

Oh, yes, I do.
But you know what I think?

What do you think?

Um, I think you ought to
stop wondering about tony,

Wondering where he is,
who he's with,

What he's thinking,
whether he's thinking of you,

And whether he'll ever return
to you one day.

I know, but --

What?
What?

Still my party rages on
into the night.

And yet again,
we've run out of wine.

So I am forced to borrow
another bottle of yours.

No!
Silvie!

My god,
it is rank in here,

Rank with your stupid wonderings
about tony.

[ Gasps ]
silvie.

Wondering where he could be,
who he is with,

What he's thinking,
is he thinking of you?

[ Gasps ]

And if he'll ever return
to you someday.

My god,
open a window!

Aahhh!

[ Sighs ]

[ Both spit ]

Tsk.
I know that look.

What look?

That's the look

That says you're wondering
about tony, am I right?

You're wondering --
maybe.

Yes, you're wondering
where he is,

What he's thinking,
whether it's --
yes.

I know it.
I know it!

You are right.

Bobby terrance,
you get in this house.

You're in a face
full of trouble.

Don't you "hi" me!
Hi.

Gerald, the neighbors!

They sympathize,
believe me.

You won't be smelling
freedom's air

For quite some time,
my boy.

[ Door slams ]

In a face
full of trouble -- unh!

Ooh!

Uh-oh,
my bed is spinning.

Hey, the whole world
is spinning!

I get it now.

I understand.

Mom, dad...

I'm taking up my pen.

[ Guitar riff ]

Fire.

Fire, fire, fire,
fire on my brain.

Fire!

[ Guitar riff ]

, ,
, , , --

[ Plays mellow intro ]

♪ Fire, fire, fire,
fire on my brain ♪

[ Guitar riff ]

This is my girlfriend,
laura.

She loves me.

[ Guitar riff ]

[ Mellow intro plays ]

Oww!

♪ Fire, fire, fire,
fire on my brain ♪

♪ Fire, fire, fire ♪

♪ You're my water ♪

♪ Fire, fire, fire,
fire on my brain ♪

♪ Fire, fire, fire ♪

♪ Girl, I'm thirsty for you ♪

Hi, my name
is fletcher christian.

Oh, no, not the famous
seagoing fletcher christian,

But rather
the relatively anonymous

Shoe-selling fletcher christian.

Come to think of it,

Our lives differ
in many fairly major ways.

For example,

In , fletcher christian
was made first mate

Aboard the hms bounty,

Whereas I was not.

In point of fact,
I had yet to be born.

But many years later,
in february of ,

I was made assistant manager
of zell's shoes.

On december , ,

Fletcher christian set sail
from spithead to the south seas

To collect breadfruit trees.

Me? I don't even know
what a breadfruit tree is.

Fletcher christian
was loved and admired

By all who served with him.

Under the tyrannical rule
of captain bly,

Only fletcher christian
could dissuade the mutineers,

And when the time came,
only he could lead them.

Following the mutiny,
christian, eight crewmen,

And a number
of tahitian men and women

Settled on pitcairn island,

A south seas island paradise
where they led an idyllic life.

I, on the other hand,

Am barely tolerated
by my coworkers and underlings.

And I live alone with a cat.

Fletcher christian,
the other one,

Has been portrayed
in three major motion pictures

By three dashing leading men --

Clark gable, marlon brando,
and mel gibson.

Jeff wilcott,
one of our stock boys,

Apparently does a rather
unflattering impression of me...

On the phone ordering pizza.

But on the upside,

v*olence erupted
on pitcairn island,

And fletcher christian
was brutally m*rder*d,

Whereas I have plenty
of good years ahead of me...

To sell shoes.

Tell me if this pinches.

[ Grunts ]

I'm sorry.
It's no use.

I can't stop thinking
about this tony fellow.

Where is he?
Who's he with?

What's the guy thinking?
Is he thinking about you?

Is he on his way back?

Who the hell is he?

What? What?

Um, well...

Oh, how gracious, sir.
Thank you.

Uh, n-n-n-no,

I think you're the one
who's very confused, sir.

N-n-n-no, you're the one
who has things very mixed up.

No, you're the one
who's raising his voice.

Listen, does anybody here
speak spanish?

Let me try.

Thanks.

Nope!

No, no,
you're on hold.

Hi!
Are you mr. Gottlieb?

No,
I'm mr. Gottlieb.

Oh, hi. I'm nina
from joymakers.

Hello, nina.

How are you?
Fine, fine.

Hi! Hello, everyone.

I'm nina, joymakers.

So I understand we're organizing
a little surprise party

For one of our coworkers
here today.

Yeah.
That's true.
Super!

We don't really have
much time before this is
supposed to go off, do we?

No.

Okay, we better
get started then! Okay.

Would you mind
giving me a hand?

Hi, I'm nina --
joymakers.

I'm todd.

Who are you?
Danny.

How you doing, danny?

Hi, nina.
Louis here.

Oh, we met --
mr. Gottlieb!

We met.
Don't waste it!

Okay, so, um...

First things first --
did we remember a card?

Oh, no, not a business card.
No, a birthday card.

That's okay, that's okay.
It's often overlooked.

That's why
I always bring an extra.

I brought this one today.

It's sort of a funny card,
as you can see.

Well, I think it's funny.

Maybe he will.
I don't know.

Anyway, where does
the, uh, victim nest?

Over there.

Okay, we'll just set that up
over here and --

Ooh!
That reminds me.

Yeah, yeah, do you know
in a surprise party,

What the most important
part is?

The surprise!

Okay?

Why don't we all
practice that together?

Want to give it a shot?
Can we do it?

What's the name
of the company?
A.t. & Love.

Okay, let's go,
a.t. & Love, on .

, , ...
Surprise!
Surprise. Surprise.

I can't.
I can't do it.

Let's try it again.
, , ...

I can't do it!
I just can't!

Trust me.
I just can't do it.

Okay, louis.
Can you say "supper"?

No.

Say supper.
Supper.

Good.
Can you say "rise"?

Oh, no.

Rise.
Rise.

Can you put them together,
say "supper-rise"?

Supper-rise.
Supper-rise.

Very good.
Let's all do that together.

, , ...

Surprise.
Surprise. Surprise.

I just can't do it.
Trust me, basically.

Stand in the back here,
and we'll just work it --

Surprise!

Okay, all right, louis, why
don't you come back up front?

Surprise!

Surprise!

Why don't we try doing that
together, okay?

On , all right?
--

Surprise!

Louis, on ?
Okay, on --

Surprise!

He's going
a little early, nina.

Oh, thank you,
mr. Gottlieb, okay.

All right, on ,
a little bit more volume.

Just, you know, push it.
Okay, , , .

Surprise. Surprise.
Surprise. Surprise.

That's nice.

But we don't want to spoil it
for the birthday boy,

Who is supposed to be here
any second now.

Does anyone know where the
birthday boy actually is?

Because, you know,
we should probably, um...

Surprise!

Todd's today.

Congratulations,
todd.

Um, gentlemen,
don't you think

That we've, you know,
spoiled the surprise a little?

Danny: how so?

Well, I mean,
this man's --

Aren't you, uh,
nina from joymakers?

You said you were
earlier.

Okay, okay,
I can work with this.

Fine, fine, we'll do
the surprise anyway.

Fine, yeah, sure,
okay, come on.

No, come on, todd.
It'll be fun.

No, no, we're gonna do
the surprise anyway.

[ Telephone rings ]

Oh, danny, danny!
Excuse me, danny.

Could we stay off the phone,
if you don't mind?

You can spend the whole party
on the phone if you want, but...

No, please,
put down the phones!

Please, can we put down
the phones?

Todd,
it's for you.
No, please
don't call him in --

Surprise!

I'll take a message.
Your wife can't make the party.

I'm sorry.

Danny, danny?

I think it would be, um,
maybe a little bit better

If you let me
organize things, okay?

Sure.
Okay.

So let's give the man
his surprise, shall we?

Okay?
Let's make it big, though.

, , ...

Surprise!!

Okay, let's take that again,
just one more time.

Give it another shot.
Come on.

Stay there.
We'll be right back.

Um...

Gentlemen, i-i felt
a little lonely there.

It just didn't feel
right, nina.

I understand.

It'll feel all the better
the next time, won't it?

Yeah.

Oh, speaking of which, todd
is probably onto us right now.

I mean, he's seen us
do the surprise thing

And muff it twice.

He's no dummy.
He knows what's coming.

So let's try and have huge fun
with it, okay?

Oh, hide, yes!
That's a great idea!

Yes, yes, go crazy,
that's it.

Have fun, have fun!
Have fun, have fun.

That's the most important
thing -- have fun.

Okay, that's good.
All right, ready?

Surprise!

You bastard,
get him, get him!

No! No! Back!
Off of him!

Off of him!

Gottlieb: you should have seen
the look on his face!

Gentlemen, i-i don't think
that's any way

To treat a coworker,
all right?

Todd, honey?

Well, he's gone.

He's driving away, nina.

Okay, everyone
to the window.

We'll sing him
"happy birthday." Come on!

Come on, hurry up.

All right,
sing "happy birthday."

All:
♪ for he's a jolly good fellow,
for he's a jolly good fellow ♪

Okay, just wave,
just wave.

Happy birthday, todd.
Look, he's looking. Wave.

Well, that was
fun, huh?

That was good fun.

Good, clean fun.

What's wrong,
nina?

Oh, I don't know.

I...i just can't help
wondering about tony,

Wondering where he is,
who he's with,

What he's thinking,
is he thinking of me?