02x19 - Episode 19

[bunniefuu]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ laughing ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ laughing ]
wow!

[ Laughing ]
wow!
Oh, he won't care.

Wow!
Oh, he won't care.
He won't care.

Oh, he won't care.
He won't care.
Hey, carl!

He won't care.
Hey, carl!
Carl!

Hey, carl!
Carl!
Carl, look, man!

Carl!
Carl, look, man!
They discovered a cure for

Carl, look, man!
They discovered a cure for
impotency.

They discovered a cure for
impotency.
Check it out!

Impotency.
Check it out!
It's still a couple years down

Check it out!
It's still a couple years down
the road, but you're a man on a

It's still a couple years down
the road, but you're a man on a
comeback, sir.

The road, but you're a man on a
comeback, sir.
What the hell was that all

Comeback, sir.
What the hell was that all
about?

What the hell was that all
about?
You are so insensitive.

About?
You are so insensitive.
Look at him.

You are so insensitive.
Look at him.
Look at him!

[ Both groaning ]

[ Both groaning ]
oh!

[ Both groaning ]
oh!
[ Sighs ]

Oh!
[ Sighs ]
it didn't work.

[ Sighs ]
it didn't work.
I still feel logy.

It didn't work.
I still feel logy.
[ Sighs ]

I still feel logy.
[ Sighs ]
me too, cathy.

[ Sighs ]
me too, cathy.
I just can't get started this

Me too, cathy.
I just can't get started this
morning, and it's already :.

I just can't get started this
morning, and it's already :.
And friday.

Morning, and it's already :.
And friday.
Oh, clearly, we have no

And friday.
Oh, clearly, we have no
excuse.

Oh, clearly, we have no
excuse.
I know what it is.

Excuse.
I know what it is.
It's the time of the month.

I know what it is.
It's the time of the month.
Cathy, our periods?

It's the time of the month.
Cathy, our periods?
Are you crazy?

Cathy, our periods?
Are you crazy?
You know we're both in sync.

Are you crazy?
You know we're both in sync.
Not that time of the month --

You know we're both in sync.
Not that time of the month --
payday.

Not that time of the month --
payday.
We haven't been paid in weeks.

Payday.
We haven't been paid in weeks.
[ Laughs ]

We haven't been paid in weeks.
[ Laughs ]
more coffee.

[ Laughs ]
more coffee.
I don't know.

More coffee.
I don't know.
I've already had six cups.

I don't know.
I've already had six cups.
Have a seventh.

All right.

Morning, cath.

Morning, cath.
Morning, cath.

Morning, cath.
Morning, cath.
Both: morning, tanya.

Morning, cath.
Both: morning, tanya.
[ Snoring ]

Both: morning, tanya.
[ Snoring ]
oh, my god, tanya!

[ Snoring ]
oh, my god, tanya!
Wake up!

Oh, my god, tanya!
Wake up!
Oh, my god, you fell asleep in

Wake up!
Oh, my god, you fell asleep in
the fridge.

Oh, my god, you fell asleep in
the fridge.
Oh, god!

The fridge.
Oh, god!
What's wrong with me?

Oh, god!
What's wrong with me?
I can't concentrate this

What's wrong with me?
I can't concentrate this
morning.

I can't concentrate this
morning.
You too?

Morning.
You too?
That's just like us.

You too?
That's just like us.
I can't even count.

That's just like us.
I can't even count.
I can't even lift my arms off

I can't even count.
I can't even lift my arms off
the desk.

I can't even lift my arms off
the desk.
Oh, god.

The desk.
Oh, god.
What's with me?

Oh, god.
What's with me?
I can't even flirt.

What's with me?
I can't even flirt.
Oh, my god.

I can't even flirt.
Oh, my god.
Morning.

Oh, my god.
Morning.
Good morning.

Morning.
Good morning.
Make more coffee.

Good morning.
Make more coffee.
Must make more coffee.

Make more coffee.
Must make more coffee.
Ohhh!

Must make more coffee.
Ohhh!
Oh, my god!

Ohhh!
Oh, my god!
We've been drinking decaf!

Oh, my god, let me see that.

Oh, my god, let me see that.
Look!

Oh, my god, let me see that.
Look!
She's right!

Look!
She's right!
Good morning!

She's right!
Good morning!
Elizabeth, we've been

Good morning!
Elizabeth, we've been
drinking decaf.

Elizabeth, we've been
drinking decaf.
I know.

Drinking decaf.
I know.
I switched it.

I know.
I switched it.
What?

I switched it.
What?
Are you kidding?

What?
Are you kidding?
I thought it made better

Are you kidding?
I thought it made better
health sense.

I thought it made better
health sense.
Elizabeth, very funny, but we

Health sense.
Elizabeth, very funny, but we
need our real coffee.

Elizabeth, very funny, but we
need our real coffee.
Well, if you must know, the

Need our real coffee.
Well, if you must know, the
reason I switched it is that you

Well, if you must know, the
reason I switched it is that you
were making too many mistakes

Reason I switched it is that you
were making too many mistakes
and gossiping too much.

Listen, bitch!

Listen, bitch!
Are you for real?

Listen, bitch!
Are you for real?
Yes, cathy, I am for real.

And I intend on staying very

And I intend on staying very
real, so why don't you clean out

And I intend on staying very
real, so why don't you clean out
your workstation, seeing as

Real, so why don't you clean out
your workstation, seeing as
you're fired.

Your workstation, seeing as
you're fired.
[ Gasps ]

You're fired.
[ Gasps ]
fine.

[ Gasps ]
fine.
And get my holiday pay ready.

Fine.
And get my holiday pay ready.
And don't try to cheat me.

And get my holiday pay ready.
And don't try to cheat me.
Remember, I am the bookkeeper.

And don't try to cheat me.
Remember, I am the bookkeeper.
Oh, cath!

Remember, I am the bookkeeper.
Oh, cath!
Elizabeth, I think what cathy

Oh, cath!
Elizabeth, I think what cathy
meant was whatever beverage

Elizabeth, I think what cathy
meant was whatever beverage
people prefer, it's really a

Meant was whatever beverage
people prefer, it's really a
nice idea to let them sip it.

People prefer, it's really a
nice idea to let them sip it.
I know the united nations has a

Nice idea to let them sip it.
I know the united nations has a
policy --

I know the united nations has a
policy --
I like you.

Policy --
I like you.
You're fast on the keyboard, but

I like you.
You're fast on the keyboard, but
you can be replaced.

You're fast on the keyboard, but
you can be replaced.
Well, if cathy's fired, then

You can be replaced.
Well, if cathy's fired, then
I'm quitting, too.

Well, if cathy's fired, then
I'm quitting, too.
[ Gasps ]

I'm quitting, too.
[ Gasps ]
shortly thereafter.

[ Gasps ]
shortly thereafter.
Me too.

Shortly thereafter.
Me too.
As soon as I pay off my student

Me too.
As soon as I pay off my student
loan.

As soon as I pay off my student
loan.
Hey, I'm a temp.

Loan.
Hey, I'm a temp.
I can quit at lunch.

Hey, I'm a temp.
I can quit at lunch.
All right!

I can quit at lunch.
All right!
Fine.

All right!
Fine.
Fine.

Fine.
Fine.
Fine.

Fine.
Fine.
Fine.

Fine.
Fine.
Fine, then you're all fired!

Fine.
Fine, then you're all fired!
I want you all out of here.

Fine, then you're all fired!
I want you all out of here.
I'm firing my entire staff.

I want you all out of here.
I'm firing my entire staff.
My god, I'm firing my entire

I'm firing my entire staff.
My god, I'm firing my entire
staff.

My god, I'm firing my entire
staff.
What the hell am I doing?

Staff.
What the hell am I doing?
Let's face it.

What the hell am I doing?
Let's face it.
I need some decent coffee!

Let's face it.
I need some decent coffee!
I'm sorry.

I need some decent coffee!
I'm sorry.
I don't know what the hell I

I'm sorry.
I don't know what the hell I
could have been thinking.

I don't know what the hell I
could have been thinking.
Hug!

Could have been thinking.
Hug!
Oh, elizabeth, I'm so sorry.

Hug!
Oh, elizabeth, I'm so sorry.
You know what I think would do

Oh, elizabeth, I'm so sorry.
You know what I think would do
us all a world of good is some

You know what I think would do
us all a world of good is some
espressos.

Us all a world of good is some
espressos.
Oh, yeah.

Espressos.
Oh, yeah.
You're right.

Oh, yeah.
You're right.
Tanya, would you mind running

You're right.
Tanya, would you mind running
out and getting us some

Tanya, would you mind running
out and getting us some
espressos?

Out and getting us some
espressos?
Sure.

Espressos?
Sure.
Thanks.

Sure.
Thanks.
Thank you, tanya.

Thanks.
Thank you, tanya.
Temp.

Thank you, tanya.
Temp.
Temp.

Temp.
Temp.
Temp!

Temp.
Temp!
Temp.

Temp!
Temp.
-Second stories.

Temp.
-Second stories.
This is the story of tess and

-Second stories.
This is the story of tess and
lars.

This is the story of tess and
lars.
They worked on the line building

Lars.
They worked on the line building
cars.

They worked on the line building
cars.
He looked at her while on that

Cars.
He looked at her while on that
line.

He looked at her while on that
line.
Oops!

Line.
Oops!
A thing came down and cut his

Oops!
A thing came down and cut his
spine.

A thing came down and cut his
spine.
When she got the news, her way

Spine.
When she got the news, her way
to mourn was to go to a disco

When she got the news, her way
to mourn was to go to a disco
and then watch some porn.

To mourn was to go to a disco
and then watch some porn.
At the funeral, she wanted to

And then watch some porn.
At the funeral, she wanted to
wear something fun and full.

At the funeral, she wanted to
wear something fun and full.
She wore a crinoline and a

Wear something fun and full.
She wore a crinoline and a
polka-dot dress.

She wore a crinoline and a
polka-dot dress.
But she sure was sad when

Polka-dot dress.
But she sure was sad when
someone else wore the exact same

But she sure was sad when
someone else wore the exact same
thing as tess.

Someone else wore the exact same
thing as tess.
You just can't lose with basic

Thing as tess.
You just can't lose with basic
black.

You just can't lose with basic
black.
[ Accordion plays ]

Black.
[ Accordion plays ]
-second stories.

[ Bell rings ]

[ Bell rings ]
we're closed.

[ Bell rings ]
we're closed.
Hello.

We're closed.
Hello.
I-i want you to tell me where a

Hello.
I-i want you to tell me where a
shoe store is, 'cause I want to

I-i want you to tell me where a
shoe store is, 'cause I want to
look for a pair of shoes and buy

Shoe store is, 'cause I want to
look for a pair of shoes and buy
them.

Look for a pair of shoes and buy
them.
I'm sorry.

Them.
I'm sorry.
I'd love to be of assistance to

I'm sorry.
I'd love to be of assistance to
you, but I'm afraid I speak no

I'd love to be of assistance to
you, but I'm afraid I speak no
english.

You, but I'm afraid I speak no
english.
Pardon?

English.
Pardon?
Ah!

Pardon?
Ah!
I see by the expression on your

Ah!
I see by the expression on your
face that you're confused by my

I see by the expression on your
face that you're confused by my
statement.

Face that you're confused by my
statement.
Perhaps you doubt its veracity.

Statement.
Perhaps you doubt its veracity.
But let me assure you, I speak

Perhaps you doubt its veracity.
But let me assure you, I speak
not a word of english.

But let me assure you, I speak
not a word of english.
W-w-w-what are you talking

Not a word of english.
W-w-w-what are you talking
about, huh?

W-w-w-what are you talking
about, huh?
You see, everything that I am

About, huh?
You see, everything that I am
saying to you I have learned to

You see, everything that I am
saying to you I have learned to
speak phonetically.

Saying to you I have learned to
speak phonetically.
As to the meanings of the

Speak phonetically.
As to the meanings of the
individual words or the

As to the meanings of the
individual words or the
procumbent rules of syntax, I

Individual words or the
procumbent rules of syntax, I
haven't a clue.

Procumbent rules of syntax, I
haven't a clue.
W-w-why don't you just

Haven't a clue.
W-w-why don't you just
sh-shut up and tell me where

W-w-why don't you just
sh-shut up and tell me where
the shoe store is, huh, you

Sh-shut up and tell me where
the shoe store is, huh, you
jerk?

The shoe store is, huh, you
jerk?
Allow me to reiterate -- I

Jerk?
Allow me to reiterate -- I
speak no english.

Allow me to reiterate -- I
speak no english.
Perhaps this will wash the

Speak no english.
Perhaps this will wash the
confusion from your face, my

Perhaps this will wash the
confusion from your face, my
friend.

Confusion from your face, my
friend.
My apparent fluency is the

Friend.
My apparent fluency is the
result of constant repetition.

My apparent fluency is the
result of constant repetition.
As you can imagine, I've been

Result of constant repetition.
As you can imagine, I've been
through this speech many times

As you can imagine, I've been
through this speech many times
before.

Through this speech many times
before.
In fact, I could repeat it for

Before.
In fact, I could repeat it for
you in any one of seven

In fact, I could repeat it for
you in any one of seven
different languages.

You in any one of seven
different languages.
Yet, oddly enough, I've never

Different languages.
Yet, oddly enough, I've never
learned to speak it in my own,

Yet, oddly enough, I've never
learned to speak it in my own,
which is fine, since over the

Learned to speak it in my own,
which is fine, since over the
years, I've forgotten how to

Which is fine, since over the
years, I've forgotten how to
speak my own language.

Years, I've forgotten how to
speak my own language.
Just shut up and tell me

Speak my own language.
Just shut up and tell me
where the shoe store is, huh?

Just shut up and tell me
where the shoe store is, huh?
Thank you.

Where the shoe store is, huh?
Thank you.
Would you like to fight me now,

Thank you.
Would you like to fight me now,
or are you a coward?

Would you like to fight me now,
or are you a coward?
Ooh!

Or are you a coward?
Ooh!
Don't die.

Ooh!
Don't die.
I don't know what you're

Don't die.
I don't know what you're
saying.

I don't know what you're
saying.
I-i just wanted to buy a pair

Saying.
I-i just wanted to buy a pair
of shoes, huh?

I-i just wanted to buy a pair
of shoes, huh?
No habla español, señor.

Of shoes, huh?
No habla español, señor.
Just got feet.

No habla español, señor.
Just got feet.
Don't got shoes.

Just got feet.
Don't got shoes.
Nein sprechen sie deutsch.

Tell him I'm sick.

Tell him I'm sick.
Sick with what, john?

Tell him I'm sick.
Sick with what, john?
Cancer.

Sick with what, john?
Cancer.
Anything.

Cancer.
Anything.
Tell him I'm sick of him.

Anything.
Tell him I'm sick of him.
John, today is my day.

Tell him I'm sick of him.
John, today is my day.
Now, you're the one who wanted

John, today is my day.
Now, you're the one who wanted
the big brother, so you're gonna

Now, you're the one who wanted
the big brother, so you're gonna
get out of the house, mister,

The big brother, so you're gonna
get out of the house, mister,
because I want one day of peace

Get out of the house, mister,
because I want one day of peace
and quiet!

Because I want one day of peace
and quiet!
[ Doorbell rings ]

And quiet!
[ Doorbell rings ]
hello, hello!

[ Doorbell rings ]
hello, hello!
And I'm right on time.

Hello, hello!
And I'm right on time.
Yes, you are.

And I'm right on time.
Yes, you are.
How are you, marian?

Yes, you are.
How are you, marian?
Fine.

How are you, marian?
Fine.
So, where's my "little

Fine.
So, where's my "little
brother"?

So, where's my "little
brother"?
He's right here.

Brother"?
He's right here.
Ah, there he is!

He's right here.
Ah, there he is!
There's my little brother.

Ah, there he is!
There's my little brother.
[ Laughs ]

There's my little brother.
[ Laughs ]
hey, you little firecracker.

[ Laughs ]
hey, you little firecracker.
Hello!

Hey, you little firecracker.
Hello!
Hey, little soldier.

Hello!
Hey, little soldier.
Hmm?

Hey, little soldier.
Hmm?
Huh?

Hmm?
Huh?
What's going on this week, huh?

Huh?
What's going on this week, huh?
Come on, tell me, you old

What's going on this week, huh?
Come on, tell me, you old
hound-dog, quarterback,

Come on, tell me, you old
hound-dog, quarterback,
rock-'n'-roll, dennis-the-menace

Hound-dog, quarterback,
rock-'n'-roll, dennis-the-menace
indian warrior, huh?

Rock-'n'-roll, dennis-the-menace
indian warrior, huh?
Huh?

Indian warrior, huh?
Huh?
Come on.

Huh?
Come on.
Huh?

Come on.
Huh?
Ha!

Huh?
Ha!
Marian, you look wonderful, as

Ha!
Marian, you look wonderful, as
always.

Marian, you look wonderful, as
always.
Thank you, darryl.

Always.
Thank you, darryl.
Darrill.

Thank you, darryl.
Darrill.
Sorry, "darrill."

Darrill.
Sorry, "darrill."
Darrill, yes.

Sorry, "darrill."
Darrill, yes.
You two have a nice day.

Darrill, yes.
You two have a nice day.
Be positive we will,

You two have a nice day.
Be positive we will,
marian.

Be positive we will,
marian.
Shall we go?

Marian.
Shall we go?
Yes, I think so.

[ Speaking foreign language ]

[ Speaking foreign language ]
[ speaking foreign language ]

He is saying that this battle

He is saying that this battle
took place in , and that

He is saying that this battle
took place in , and that
looking at you, he imagines

Took place in , and that
looking at you, he imagines
you are one of these gallant,

Looking at you, he imagines
you are one of these gallant,
young horsemen riding a big,

You are one of these gallant,
young horsemen riding a big,
chestnut charger to glory.

Young horsemen riding a big,
chestnut charger to glory.
Great.

Chestnut charger to glory.
Great.
[ Speaking foreign language ]

Great.
[ Speaking foreign language ]
yeah.

[ Speaking foreign language ]
yeah.
Now he told me that if we visit

Yeah.
Now he told me that if we visit
him seven more times -- only

Now he told me that if we visit
him seven more times -- only
seven more times -- he will show

Him seven more times -- only
seven more times -- he will show
us his tin soldiers collection.

Seven more times -- he will show
us his tin soldiers collection.
What do you think of that,

Us his tin soldiers collection.
What do you think of that,
hey?

What do you think of that,
hey?
Aren't we lucky?

Hey?
Aren't we lucky?
[ Laughs ]

Aren't we lucky?
[ Laughs ]
I think our visit gives him

[ Laughs ]
I think our visit gives him
much pleasure.

I think our visit gives him
much pleasure.
[ Laughs, wheezes ]

Much pleasure.
[ Laughs, wheezes ]
[ speaking foreign language ]

[ Laughs, wheezes ]
[ speaking foreign language ]
[ beeping ]

[ Speaking foreign language ]
[ beeping ]
right.

[ Beeping ]
right.
It's :.

Right.
It's :.
Now is the time that I think you

It's :.
Now is the time that I think you
and I should spend quality time

Now is the time that I think you
and I should spend quality time
together.

And I should spend quality time
together.
Now, I know the concerns of a

Together.
Now, I know the concerns of a
kid aren't the same as a gouty

Now, I know the concerns of a
kid aren't the same as a gouty
-year-old...

Kid aren't the same as a gouty
-year-old...
[ Laughs ]

-Year-old...
[ Laughs ]
but still, you can tell anything

[ Laughs ]
but still, you can tell anything
to this big brother, my little

But still, you can tell anything
to this big brother, my little
brother.

To this big brother, my little
brother.
Your turn.

Brother.
Your turn.
Okay, darryl --

Your turn.
Okay, darryl --
darrill.

Okay, darryl --
darrill.
Darrill.

Darrill.
Darrill.
Yeah, I got a problem.

Darrill.
Yeah, I got a problem.
I got a girl pregnant.

Yeah, I got a problem.
I got a girl pregnant.
Holy cow!

I got a girl pregnant.
Holy cow!
Holy cow!

Holy cow!
Holy cow!
But you're only .

Holy cow!
But you're only .
Is that possible?

But you're only .
Is that possible?
No.

Is that possible?
No.
Ah!

No.
Ah!
Ha!

Ah!
Ha!
You're pulling my leg!

Ha!
You're pulling my leg!
You're pulling my leg.

You're pulling my leg!
You're pulling my leg.
That's good.

You're pulling my leg.
That's good.
But listen, as far as that whole

That's good.
But listen, as far as that whole
ministry of women is concerned,

But listen, as far as that whole
ministry of women is concerned,
I think you should wait.

Ministry of women is concerned,
I think you should wait.
I am.

I think you should wait.
I am.
Right you are!

I am.
Right you are!
Enough bonding.

Right you are!
Enough bonding.
Okay, let's have some fun.

Enough bonding.
Okay, let's have some fun.
Go long, my little receiver!

Okay, let's have some fun.
Go long, my little receiver!
Why'd you hit me with the

Go long, my little receiver!
Why'd you hit me with the
ball?

Why'd you hit me with the
ball?
I didn't!

Ball?
I didn't!
Did so.

I didn't!
Did so.
Did not.

Did so.
Did not.
[ Chanting ] fight! Fight!

Did not.
[ Chanting ] fight! Fight!
Fight!

[ Chanting ] fight! Fight!
Fight!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, stop

Fight!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, stop
that!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, stop
that!
Stop it.

That!
Stop it.
There's not going to be any

Stop it.
There's not going to be any
fighting here.

There's not going to be any
fighting here.
There's enough of that in the

Fighting here.
There's enough of that in the
world, let me tell you.

There's enough of that in the
world, let me tell you.
Stop your g*ng-like chanting.

World, let me tell you.
Stop your g*ng-like chanting.
Look, be reasonable.

Stop your g*ng-like chanting.
Look, be reasonable.
He hit me.

Look, be reasonable.
He hit me.
No, I didn't.

He hit me.
No, I didn't.
He hit me with the ball!

No, I didn't.
He hit me with the ball!
I did not!

He hit me with the ball!
I did not!
He did.

I did not!
He did.
You hit me?

He did.
You hit me?
Well, yes, I did throw the --

You hit me?
Well, yes, I did throw the --
stop that!

Well, yes, I did throw the --
stop that!
You stop it!

Stop that!
You stop it!
What are you looking for -- a

You stop it!
What are you looking for -- a
spanking?

What are you looking for -- a
spanking?
Do you want a spanking?

Spanking?
Do you want a spanking?
[ Chanting ] fight! Fight!

Do you want a spanking?
[ Chanting ] fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

[ Chanting ] fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
My god!

Fight! Fight! Fight!
My god!
What happened to you?

My god!
What happened to you?
I'm sorry we're off schedule,

What happened to you?
I'm sorry we're off schedule,
marian.

I'm sorry we're off schedule,
marian.
I was unexpectedly beaten up by

Marian.
I was unexpectedly beaten up by
a small child.

I was unexpectedly beaten up by
a small child.
Yes, if you can believe it.

A small child.
Yes, if you can believe it.
Don't worry, I'm okay.

Yes, if you can believe it.
Don't worry, I'm okay.
I think the bleeding has

Don't worry, I'm okay.
I think the bleeding has
stopped.

I think the bleeding has
stopped.
Yeah.

Stopped.
Yeah.
I just hope the tyke wasn't

Yeah.
I just hope the tyke wasn't
traumatized.

I just hope the tyke wasn't
traumatized.
Were you?

Traumatized.
Were you?
No, I had a great day.

Were you?
No, I had a great day.
[ Laughs ]

No, I had a great day.
[ Laughs ]
good one, my little leg puller.

[ Laughs ]
good one, my little leg puller.
Ah!

Good one, my little leg puller.
Ah!
Well, goodbye.

Ah!
Well, goodbye.
Goodbye, darryl.

Well, goodbye.
Goodbye, darryl.
Darrill.

Goodbye, darryl.
Darrill.
Sorry, darrill.

Darrill.
Sorry, darrill.
Mom, please marry someone.

Sorry, darrill.
Mom, please marry someone.
Marry the milkman.

Mom, please marry someone.
Marry the milkman.
Your janitor.

Marry the milkman.
Your janitor.
The boss.

-Second stories.

-Second stories.
This is the story of the office

-Second stories.
This is the story of the office
party of shame.

This is the story of the office
party of shame.
It happens every year, and it's

Party of shame.
It happens every year, and it's
always the same.

It happens every year, and it's
always the same.
First, there are speeches and

Always the same.
First, there are speeches and
inside jokes.

First, there are speeches and
inside jokes.
Then the boss comes out dressed

Inside jokes.
Then the boss comes out dressed
as santa with pay envelopes.

Then the boss comes out dressed
as santa with pay envelopes.
But things go crazy when the

As santa with pay envelopes.
But things go crazy when the
booze starts to flow.

But things go crazy when the
booze starts to flow.
People go in the stock room, and

Booze starts to flow.
People go in the stock room, and
they take off their clothes.

People go in the stock room, and
they take off their clothes.
[ Accordion plays ]

They take off their clothes.
[ Accordion plays ]
but this year, something went

[ Accordion plays ]
but this year, something went
wrong.

But this year, something went
wrong.
That boss didn't realize the

Wrong.
That boss didn't realize the
photocopying machine -- it was

That boss didn't realize the
photocopying machine -- it was
on.

Photocopying machine -- it was
on.
Time.

On.
Time.
They mailed this photo right to

Time.
They mailed this photo right to
his wife.

They mailed this photo right to
his wife.
And good for them.

His wife.
And good for them.
-Second stories.

And good for them.
-Second stories.
[ Doorbell rings ]

-Second stories.
[ Doorbell rings ]
it's the door.

[ Doorbell rings ]
it's the door.
I wonder who that could be.

It's the door.
I wonder who that could be.
I don't know.

I wonder who that could be.
I don't know.
Let's see.

I don't know.
Let's see.
Hello?

Let's see.
Hello?
Hello, mr. Lewis.

Hello?
Hello, mr. Lewis.
Hello, mrs. Lewis.

Hello, mr. Lewis.
Hello, mrs. Lewis.
I'm here to pick up your

Hello, mrs. Lewis.
I'm here to pick up your
daughter, karen, for a date.

I'm here to pick up your
daughter, karen, for a date.
Oh!

Daughter, karen, for a date.
Oh!
But karen's been dead for two

Oh!
But karen's been dead for two
years.

But karen's been dead for two
years.
I'm sorry, I guess I am a

Years.
I'm sorry, I guess I am a
little late.

I'm sorry, I guess I am a
little late.
Well...

Little late.
Well...
See, I had rickshaw trouble.

Well...
See, I had rickshaw trouble.
Oh, yes.

See, I had rickshaw trouble.
Oh, yes.
[ Imitating chinese accent ]

Oh, yes.
[ Imitating chinese accent ]
don't blame me.

[ Imitating chinese accent ]
don't blame me.
I stub my toe!

Don't blame me.
I stub my toe!
[ Laughs ]

I stub my toe!
[ Laughs ]
that...i'll tell you.

[ Laughs ]
that...i'll tell you.
Yes, yes.

That...i'll tell you.
Yes, yes.
But still, I'd still like to

Yes, yes.
But still, I'd still like to
take karen out if I could.

But still, I'd still like to
take karen out if I could.
Oh, I don't know.

Take karen out if I could.
Oh, I don't know.
Oh, please, mr. Lewis, let

Oh, I don't know.
Oh, please, mr. Lewis, let
me, please.

Oh, please, mr. Lewis, let
me, please.
Oh, all right.

Me, please.
Oh, all right.
Go get her, caroline.

Oh, all right.
Go get her, caroline.
Here she is.

Go get her, caroline.
Here she is.
Karen, hubba-hubba.

Here she is.
Karen, hubba-hubba.
Okay, now, you two have a

Karen, hubba-hubba.
Okay, now, you two have a
good time, okay?

Okay, now, you two have a
good time, okay?
We will.

Good time, okay?
We will.
And don't get carried away.

We will.
And don't get carried away.
But if you do...

And don't get carried away.
But if you do...
Play it safe.

But if you do...
Play it safe.
Okay, mr. Lewis.

Play it safe.
Okay, mr. Lewis.
Now, have her home by :.

Okay, mr. Lewis.
Now, have her home by :.
Well, I'll try.

Now, have her home by :.
Well, I'll try.
Okay.

Well, I'll try.
Okay.
Don't blame me.

Okay.
Don't blame me.
That...

Don't blame me.
That...
I'll tell you.

That...
I'll tell you.
Yes, yes.

I'll tell you.
Yes, yes.
[ Laughter ]

Yes, yes.
[ Laughter ]
[ crying ]

[ Laughter ]
[ crying ]
[ laughter ]

[ Crying ]
[ laughter ]
[ clears throat ]

[ Laughter ]
[ clears throat ]
wow!

[ Clears throat ]
wow!
What a bad sketch.

Wow!
What a bad sketch.
[ Laughter ]

What a bad sketch.
[ Laughter ]
and in such poor taste, too.

[ Laughter ]
and in such poor taste, too.
You know, we're gonna get a lot

And in such poor taste, too.
You know, we're gonna get a lot
of telephone calls and letters

You know, we're gonna get a lot
of telephone calls and letters
about this one.

Of telephone calls and letters
about this one.
And why not?

About this one.
And why not?
Because every canadian has a

And why not?
Because every canadian has a
right to complain about that

Because every canadian has a
right to complain about that
sketch.

Right to complain about that
sketch.
Because every canadian owns a

Sketch.
Because every canadian owns a
piece of that sketch.

Because every canadian owns a
piece of that sketch.
You see, your tax dollars feed

Piece of that sketch.
You see, your tax dollars feed
into the government, which in

You see, your tax dollars feed
into the government, which in
turn, mandates the cbc, which in

Into the government, which in
turn, mandates the cbc, which in
turn, provides funding, both

Turn, mandates the cbc, which in
turn, provides funding, both
whole or in part, to shows such

Turn, provides funding, both
whole or in part, to shows such
as ours.

So, like a cup full of water

So, like a cup full of water
poured into an ocean, the atomic

Poured into an ocean, the atomic
particles of your tax dollars

Particles of your tax dollars
mix with the whole and wind up

Mix with the whole and wind up
providing for the budget of this

Providing for the budget of this
show, for the budget of that

Show, for the budget of that
sketch, and for this piece I'm

Sketch, and for this piece I'm
doing now, which we call...

Let's meet some of the other

Let's meet some of the other
people behind the scenes.

Let's meet some of the other
people behind the scenes.
Hey!

People behind the scenes.
Hey!
This is peter razzmovski.

Hey!
This is peter razzmovski.
He's in charge of the props.

This is peter razzmovski.
He's in charge of the props.
That was a really nice prop in

He's in charge of the props.
That was a really nice prop in
that sketch.

That was a really nice prop in
that sketch.
[ Imitating russian accent ]

That sketch.
[ Imitating russian accent ]
even though I did not laugh at

[ Imitating russian accent ]
even though I did not laugh at
script in read through, I had

Even though I did not laugh at
script in read through, I had
prop made special.

Script in read through, I had
prop made special.
Special -- how much would

Prop made special.
Special -- how much would
that cost?

Special -- how much would
that cost?
$,.

That cost?
$,.
I could have got for less, but I

$,.
I could have got for less, but I
thought, "why should I bargain?"

I could have got for less, but I
thought, "why should I bargain?"
Is not my money.

Screw you, taxpayers!

Screw you, taxpayers!
Thanks, man.

Screw you, taxpayers!
Thanks, man.
Scott, come over here.

Thanks, man.
Scott, come over here.
Hey, you were featured pretty

Scott, come over here.
Hey, you were featured pretty
prominently in that sketch,

Hey, you were featured pretty
prominently in that sketch,
weren't you?

Prominently in that sketch,
weren't you?
Well, yes, sadly.

Weren't you?
Well, yes, sadly.
And you must get paid pretty

Well, yes, sadly.
And you must get paid pretty
well, don't you?

And you must get paid pretty
well, don't you?
Well, mark, what do you think

Well, don't you?
Well, mark, what do you think
this means, huh?

Well, mark, what do you think
this means, huh?
Anything you want to say for

This means, huh?
Anything you want to say for
yourself?

Anything you want to say for
yourself?
Actually, yes.

Yourself?
Actually, yes.
First of all, I'd like to say

Actually, yes.
First of all, I'd like to say
hello to all the taxpayers and

First of all, I'd like to say
hello to all the taxpayers and
screw you.

And second of all, I'd like to

And second of all, I'd like to
take a little bit of our

And second of all, I'd like to
take a little bit of our
national network airtime to

Take a little bit of our
national network airtime to
advocate that I be allowed to

National network airtime to
advocate that I be allowed to
masturbate in public buildings.

Advocate that I be allowed to
masturbate in public buildings.
[ Cheering and applause ]

Masturbate in public buildings.
[ Cheering and applause ]
whoa!

[ Cheering and applause ]
whoa!
Whoa!

What a viewpoint!

What a viewpoint!
And you know what?

What a viewpoint!
And you know what?
I bet it's not yours, but you

And you know what?
I bet it's not yours, but you
just paid to hear it right here

I bet it's not yours, but you
just paid to hear it right here
on...

Just paid to hear it right here
on...
You know what?

On...
You know what?
The great thing is we had to pay

You know what?
The great thing is we had to pay
that audience to say...

The great thing is we had to pay
that audience to say...
Screw you, taxpayer!

That audience to say...
Screw you, taxpayer!
Screw you, taxpayer!

Screw you, taxpayer!
Screw you, taxpayer!
Screw you, taxpayer!

Screw you, taxpayer!
Screw you, taxpayer!
Say, what time is it, razz?

Screw you, taxpayer!
Say, what time is it, razz?
[ Cheering and applause ]

-Second stories.

-Second stories.
This is the story of heather and

-Second stories.
This is the story of heather and
joan -- saved up to see the

This is the story of heather and
joan -- saved up to see the
rolling stones.

Joan -- saved up to see the
rolling stones.
They were happy with their th

Rolling stones.
They were happy with their th
row seats until they dropped

They were happy with their th
row seats until they dropped
those tickets in french fry

Row seats until they dropped
those tickets in french fry
grease.

Those tickets in french fry
grease.
But they got on that bus and

Grease.
But they got on that bus and
went anyway, smoked and yakked

But they got on that bus and
went anyway, smoked and yakked
for two straight days.

Went anyway, smoked and yakked
for two straight days.
When they got there, though,

For two straight days.
When they got there, though,
they couldn't get in, so they

When they got there, though,
they couldn't get in, so they
got really drunk on lemon gin.

They couldn't get in, so they
got really drunk on lemon gin.
[ Accordion plays ]

Got really drunk on lemon gin.
[ Accordion plays ]
on that bus, they came home,

[ Accordion plays ]
on that bus, they came home,
went to college, got student

On that bus, they came home,
went to college, got student
loans.

Went to college, got student
loans.
And if you ask those two to this

Loans.
And if you ask those two to this
day, they'll say the concert was

And if you ask those two to this
day, they'll say the concert was
really great.

Day, they'll say the concert was
really great.
Time!

Really great.
Time!
"When they played 'angie,' I

Time!
"When they played 'angie,' I
cried."

"When they played 'angie,' I
cried."
Yeah, right.

Cried."
Yeah, right.
-Second stories.

Yeah, those are all hacked.

Yeah, those are all hacked.
Take care.

Yeah, those are all hacked.
Take care.
Excuse me.

Take care.
Excuse me.
Yeah?

Excuse me.
Yeah?
Do you have the new

Yeah?
Do you have the new
depeche mode record?

Do you have the new
depeche mode record?
Yeah, it's over there.

Depeche mode record?
Yeah, it's over there.
But it sucks.

Yeah, it's over there.
But it sucks.
Well, do you have the latest

But it sucks.
Well, do you have the latest
pixies album?

Well, do you have the latest
pixies album?
Yeah.

Pixies album?
Yeah.
But it sucks.

Yeah.
But it sucks.
All that new stuff sucks.

But it sucks.
All that new stuff sucks.
But it's over there.

All that new stuff sucks.
But it's over there.
You know, actually, I was

But it's over there.
You know, actually, I was
thinking of getting something

You know, actually, I was
thinking of getting something
vintage anyway.

Thinking of getting something
vintage anyway.
I don't know, maybe the doors?

Vintage anyway.
I don't know, maybe the doors?
Really?

I don't know, maybe the doors?
Really?
Never had you figured for a

Really?
Never had you figured for a
doors fan.

Never had you figured for a
doors fan.
I'm not really a doors fan,

Doors fan.
I'm not really a doors fan,
but sure, I'd like to get into

I'm not really a doors fan,
but sure, I'd like to get into
them.

But sure, I'd like to get into
them.
No, no, no, my friend.

Them.
No, no, no, my friend.
Doors fans aren't made.

No, no, no, my friend.
Doors fans aren't made.
They're born.

Doors fans aren't made.
They're born.
I think right now in africa,

They're born.
I think right now in africa,
there's some guy madly beating

I think right now in africa,
there's some guy madly beating
on a drum.

There's some guy madly beating
on a drum.
He's a doors fan.

On a drum.
He's a doors fan.
Or an old lady on a bus, sucking

He's a doors fan.
Or an old lady on a bus, sucking
humbugs.

Or an old lady on a bus, sucking
humbugs.
She's a rider on the storm, but

Humbugs.
She's a rider on the storm, but
she ain't never heard the

She's a rider on the storm, but
she ain't never heard the
sounds.

She ain't never heard the
sounds.
So, what about you?

Sounds.
So, what about you?
Well, I heard a record of

So, what about you?
Well, I heard a record of
theirs last night at a party,

Well, I heard a record of
theirs last night at a party,
and I've always liked "love her

Theirs last night at a party,
and I've always liked "love her
madly."

And I've always liked "love her
madly."
Well, if you become a doors

Madly."
Well, if you become a doors
fan, "love her madly" is the

Well, if you become a doors
fan, "love her madly" is the
only song you won't like.

Fan, "love her madly" is the
only song you won't like.
Oh, right.

Only song you won't like.
Oh, right.
I guess I should start with

Oh, right.
I guess I should start with
their greatest hits?

I guess I should start with
their greatest hits?
Hey!

Their greatest hits?
Hey!
Greatest hits albums are for

Hey!
Greatest hits albums are for
housewives and little girls.

Greatest hits albums are for
housewives and little girls.
You're not serious.

Housewives and little girls.
You're not serious.
You don't want to be a doors

You don't want to be a doors
fan.
Get out of my store.

Fan.
Get out of my store.
We're closed.

Get out of my store.
We're closed.
Get out of here.

We're closed.
Get out of here.
No, no, no.

Get out of here.
No, no, no.
I want you to show me the way.

No, no, no.
I want you to show me the way.
Was that a frampton reference

I want you to show me the way.
Was that a frampton reference
in my store?

Was that a frampton reference
in my store?
No. No, no.

In my store?
No. No, no.
No lyrics, just words.

No. No, no.
No lyrics, just words.
Just words.

No lyrics, just words.
Just words.
Words.

Just words.
Words.
All right.

Words.
All right.
You want to be a doors fan, you

All right.
You want to be a doors fan, you
can't just go buy any album.

You want to be a doors fan, you
can't just go buy any album.
It's scientific.

Can't just go buy any album.
It's scientific.
Sure.

It's scientific.
Sure.
You got to buy this.

Sure.
You got to buy this.
"Waiting for the sun."

You got to buy this.
"Waiting for the sun."
It's the departure point.

"Waiting for the sun."
It's the departure point.
Listen to it every night around

It's the departure point.
Listen to it every night around
dusk for about a month.

Listen to it every night around
dusk for about a month.
Sounds good.

Dusk for about a month.
Sounds good.
Then what?

Sounds good.
Then what?
Who's playing bass?

Then what?
Who's playing bass?
Uh...

Who's playing bass?
Uh...
No one.

Uh...
No one.
No bass.

No one.
No bass.
No bass?

No bass.
No bass?
That's right.

No bass?
That's right.
The gypsies had no homes.

That's right.
The gypsies had no homes.
The doors had no bass.

The gypsies had no homes.
The doors had no bass.
But don't let that scare you, my

The doors had no bass.
But don't let that scare you, my
friend.

But don't let that scare you, my
friend.
Let that liberate you.

Friend.
Let that liberate you.
'Cause when you're free-flying

Let that liberate you.
'Cause when you're free-flying
with the doors, man, what do you

'Cause when you're free-flying
with the doors, man, what do you
need a safety net for?

With the doors, man, what do you
need a safety net for?
Viva la doors!

Need a safety net for?
Viva la doors!
Viva la doors!

Viva la doors!
Viva la doors!
All right.

Viva la doors!
All right.
But listen.

All right.
But listen.
There's a burning that every

But listen.
There's a burning that every
real doors fan's got to live

There's a burning that every
real doors fan's got to live
with.

Real doors fan's got to live
with.
It's a fact that the greatest

With.
It's a fact that the greatest
rock 'n' roll band of all time

It's a fact that the greatest
rock 'n' roll band of all time
is never gonna play live again.

Rock 'n' roll band of all time
is never gonna play live again.
Can't live in the past.

Is never gonna play live again.
Can't live in the past.
No, wait.

Can't live in the past.
No, wait.
There's hope.

No, wait.
There's hope.
I heard once that iggy pop is

There's hope.
I heard once that iggy pop is
gonna front them, and the doors

I heard once that iggy pop is
gonna front them, and the doors
are gonna tour again.

Gonna front them, and the doors
are gonna tour again.
Where did you hear that?

Are gonna tour again.
Where did you hear that?
Oh, I heard it somewhere.

Where did you hear that?
Oh, I heard it somewhere.
Yeah?

Oh, I heard it somewhere.
Yeah?
Read it in your precious creem

Yeah?
Read it in your precious creem
magazine, maybe?

Read it in your precious creem
magazine, maybe?
Well, it's not gonna happen.

Magazine, maybe?
Well, it's not gonna happen.
How do you know that?

Well, it's not gonna happen.
How do you know that?
Because somebody told me.

How do you know that?
Because somebody told me.
Well, who told you?

Because somebody told me.
Well, who told you?
Want to know who told me?

Well, who told you?
Want to know who told me?
Oh, yeah.

Want to know who told me?
Oh, yeah.
Jim f*cking morrison told me!

Oh, yeah.
Jim f*cking morrison told me!
That's who!

Jim f*cking morrison told me!
That's who!
Hey, do you have the new

That's who!
Hey, do you have the new
depeche mode album?

Hey, do you have the new
depeche mode album?
Su-u-u-cks!!

Depeche mode album?
Su-u-u-cks!!
I forgive you.

Su-u-u-cks!!
I forgive you.
Here.

I forgive you.
Here.
Take this.

Here.
Take this.
It's an eight-track tape.

Take this.
It's an eight-track tape.
It's one of the last in

It's an eight-track tape.
It's one of the last in
existence.

It's one of the last in
existence.
I want you to steal a car.

Existence.
I want you to steal a car.
I have a car.

I want you to steal a car.
I have a car.
Steal a car.

I have a car.
Steal a car.
Steal a car.

Steal a car.
Steal a car.
Get in it and drive west.

Steal a car.
Get in it and drive west.
Play the tape full-blast.

Get in it and drive west.
Play the tape full-blast.
When the tape ends, get out and

Play the tape full-blast.
When the tape ends, get out and
get into a fight.

When the tape ends, get out and
get into a fight.
Then get back into the car and

Get into a fight.
Then get back into the car and
come to town and meet me at

Then get back into the car and
come to town and meet me at
the cargas club.

Come to town and meet me at
the cargas club.
What will you do?

The cargas club.
What will you do?
I will let you into the most

What will you do?
I will let you into the most
prestigious hotel of all time.

I will let you into the most
prestigious hotel of all time.
Which is?

Prestigious hotel of all time.
Which is?
Morrison hotel.

Which is?
Morrison hotel.
Then what?

Morrison hotel.
Then what?
Then...you're gonna be a

Then what?
Then...you're gonna be a
doors fan, man.

Then...you're gonna be a
doors fan, man.
[ Doors music plays ]