03x08 - Episode 8

[bunniefuu]

So you're doing a little

So you're doing a little
painting, huh?

So you're doing a little
painting, huh?
That's right, einstein.

Painting, huh?
That's right, einstein.
What tipped you off?

That's right, einstein.
What tipped you off?
I mean, I've been trying so hard

What tipped you off?
I mean, I've been trying so hard
to keep it a secret here.

I mean, I've been trying so hard
to keep it a secret here.
Huh, einstein?

To keep it a secret here.
Huh, einstein?
Look, not everything that

Huh, einstein?
Look, not everything that
comes out of my mouth is the

Look, not everything that
comes out of my mouth is the
theory of relativity.

Comes out of my mouth is the
theory of relativity.
So can the sarcasm.

Theory of relativity.
So can the sarcasm.
Sorry!

So can the sarcasm.
Sorry!
Did I hurt your genius feelings?

Sorry!
Did I hurt your genius feelings?
Walk away.

Did I hurt your genius feelings?
Walk away.
You're the genius.

Walk away.
You're the genius.
He's the painter.

You're the genius.
He's the painter.
You figure things out.

He's the painter.
You figure things out.
He paints things up.

You figure things out.
He paints things up.
You're clearly the winner here.

Ladies.

Ladies.
How you doing?

Ladies.
How you doing?
Hey, stan.

How you doing?
Hey, stan.
We're not so late, leon.

Hey, stan.
We're not so late, leon.
We still got eight hours till

We're not so late, leon.
We still got eight hours till
last call.

We still got eight hours till
last call.
Hell, that's plenty of time

Last call.
Hell, that's plenty of time
to drink a little beer.

The eagle has landed!

The eagle has landed!
Barkeep?

The eagle has landed!
Barkeep?
More gut fuel, if you would --

Barkeep?
More gut fuel, if you would --
the usual.

More gut fuel, if you would --
the usual.
Three jugs of beer, coming

The usual.
Three jugs of beer, coming
up.

Three jugs of beer, coming
up.
Two.

Up.
Two.
All right.

Two.
All right.
Just two?

All right.
Just two?
Derrick not coming?

Just two?
Derrick not coming?
Yep.

Derrick not coming?
Yep.
He's taken into his mind to

Yep.
He's taken into his mind to
start working out.

He's taken into his mind to
start working out.
He's trying to get rid of his

Start working out.
He's trying to get rid of his
gut.

He's trying to get rid of his
gut.
You mean he's turning his

Gut.
You mean he's turning his
back on his gut?

You mean he's turning his
back on his gut?
I know what you mean.

Back on his gut?
I know what you mean.
How can a guy turn his back on

I know what you mean.
How can a guy turn his back on
his gut?

How can a guy turn his back on
his gut?
Well, he's a fool is what he

His gut?
Well, he's a fool is what he
is!

Well, he's a fool is what he
is!
Yeah, doesn't he realize that

Is!
Yeah, doesn't he realize that
great guts are a gift from god,

Yeah, doesn't he realize that
great guts are a gift from god,
huh?

Great guts are a gift from god,
huh?
That, or a genetic thing.

Huh?
That, or a genetic thing.
How so genetic?

That, or a genetic thing.
How so genetic?
Well, I've been studying my

How so genetic?
Well, I've been studying my
whole family structure, and we

Well, I've been studying my
whole family structure, and we
all got the same fabulous guts.

Whole family structure, and we
all got the same fabulous guts.
Even my dog's got a real nice

All got the same fabulous guts.
Even my dog's got a real nice
low ride.

Even my dog's got a real nice
low ride.
I know what you mean.

Low ride.
I know what you mean.
I mean, I could work out all

I know what you mean.
I mean, I could work out all
year, I could never get rid of

I mean, I could work out all
year, I could never get rid of
this gut.

Year, I could never get rid of
this gut.
My gut is who I am!

This gut.
My gut is who I am!
My gut is what I am!

My gut is who I am!
My gut is what I am!
My gut is...

My gut is what I am!
My gut is...
All muscle!

My gut is...
All muscle!
Give me a sh*t.

All muscle!
Give me a sh*t.
Come on now!

Give me a sh*t.
Come on now!
Now me!

Come on now!
Now me!
Ooh!

Now me!
Ooh!
Ooh!

Ooh!
Ooh!
[ Squeaking ]

Ooh!
[ Squeaking ]
does your gut make great

[ Squeaking ]
does your gut make great
noises like mine does?

Does your gut make great
noises like mine does?
Listen.

Noises like mine does?
Listen.
[ Sloshing ]

Listen.
[ Sloshing ]
yeah, I think so.

[ Sloshing ]
yeah, I think so.
[ Sloshing ]

Yeah, I think so.
[ Sloshing ]
[ playing "home on the range" ]

[ Sloshing ]
[ playing "home on the range" ]
you know, I think you've been

[ Playing "home on the range" ]
you know, I think you've been
blessed with the second-greatest

You know, I think you've been
blessed with the second-greatest
gut in the tri-county area.

Blessed with the second-greatest
gut in the tri-county area.
I think I've been blessed

Gut in the tri-county area.
I think I've been blessed
with the very best gut, yes.

I think I've been blessed
with the very best gut, yes.
I'm sorry, no, my gut is the

With the very best gut, yes.
I'm sorry, no, my gut is the
best gut.

I'm sorry, no, my gut is the
best gut.
No, I got the best gut.

Best gut.
No, I got the best gut.
No, I got the best gut.

No, I got the best gut.
No, I got the best gut.
No, I got the best gut.

No, I got the best gut.
No, I got the best gut.
Mine!

No, I got the best gut.
Mine!
Mine!

Mine!
Mine!
Mine!

Mine!
Mine!
Well, there's only one way to

Mine!
Well, there's only one way to
settle this.

Well, there's only one way to
settle this.
Belly-flop competition!

Settle this.
Belly-flop competition!
Let's go.

Belly-flop competition!
Let's go.
Come on, let's find a pool.

Let's go.
Come on, let's find a pool.
No!

Come on, let's find a pool.
No!
Navel depth.

No!
Navel depth.
Agreed.

Navel depth.
Agreed.
Sheila?

All right, all right!

All right, all right!
Hey!

All right, all right!
Hey!
Come on now, sweetie!

Hey!
Come on now, sweetie!
Come on now, little darling!

Come on now, sweetie!
Come on now, little darling!
Come on, you son of a bitch!

Come on now, little darling!
Come on, you son of a bitch!
Come on, you son of a bitch!

Come on, you son of a bitch!
Come on, you son of a bitch!
Hey, my car keys!

Come on, you son of a bitch!
Hey, my car keys!
All right, all right!

Hey, my car keys!
All right, all right!
Ha ha ha!

All right, all right!
Ha ha ha!
I win!

Ha ha ha!
I win!
Hey!

I win!
Hey!
Ho ho!

Hey!
Ho ho!
Yeah, I guess my gut just

Ho ho!
Yeah, I guess my gut just
isn't good enough.

Yeah, I guess my gut just
isn't good enough.
Stan, there's something I got

Isn't good enough.
Stan, there's something I got
to tell you.

Stan, there's something I got
to tell you.
You have a beautiful gut.

To tell you.
You have a beautiful gut.
Really?

You have a beautiful gut.
Really?
Yeah.

Really?
Yeah.
I think your gut's beautiful,

Yeah.
I think your gut's beautiful,
too, especially when you drive.

I think your gut's beautiful,
too, especially when you drive.
You know, with you sometimes,

Too, especially when you drive.
You know, with you sometimes,
I pretend to be reading your

You know, with you sometimes,
I pretend to be reading your
t-shirt, but really I'm just

I pretend to be reading your
t-shirt, but really I'm just
staring right at it.

T-shirt, but really I'm just
staring right at it.
I don't know what it means, but

Staring right at it.
I don't know what it means, but
there.

I don't know what it means, but
there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah.
Yeah.
[ Belches ]

Yeah.
[ Belches ]
hey, there, guys!

[ Belches ]
hey, there, guys!
Derrick!

Hey, there, guys!
Derrick!
Derrick, you made it after

Derrick!
Derrick, you made it after
all!

Derrick, you made it after
all!
Hey, derrick, looks like

All!
Hey, derrick, looks like
you've lost a little weight.

Hey, derrick, looks like
you've lost a little weight.
Hey, derrick, did you go and

You've lost a little weight.
Hey, derrick, did you go and
lose a little weight on us?

Hey, derrick, did you go and
lose a little weight on us?
Yeah, I guess you could say I

Lose a little weight on us?
Yeah, I guess you could say I
lost a little weight.

Yeah, I guess you could say I
lost a little weight.
But I can still take a sh*t!

Lost a little weight.
But I can still take a sh*t!
Can you?

But I can still take a sh*t!
Can you?
Ooh.

Can you?
Ooh.
See?

Ooh.
See?
Mind getting your hand out of my

See?
Mind getting your hand out of my
gut there, buddy?

Mind getting your hand out of my
gut there, buddy?
It's stuck!

Gut there, buddy?
It's stuck!
What?

It's stuck!
What?
Oh!

What?
Oh!
Hey, barkeep, we need some

Oh!
Hey, barkeep, we need some
gut tools!

Hey, barkeep, we need some
gut tools!
That's a pot of vaseline, some

Gut tools!
That's a pot of vaseline, some
salad tongs, and a fork!

That's a pot of vaseline, some
salad tongs, and a fork!
Bring them in here.

Salad tongs, and a fork!
Bring them in here.
Come on!

Uh...i, uh...

Uh...i, uh...
[ Laughs nervously ]

Uh...i, uh...
[ Laughs nervously ]
[ stammering ]

I, um...

I, um...
There, uh, uh...

I, um...
There, uh, uh...
That's okay.

There, uh, uh...
That's okay.
That's okay.

That's okay.
That's okay.
Happens to the best of them.

That's okay.
Happens to the best of them.
Thank you.

Happens to the best of them.
Thank you.
That's okay.

Thank you.
That's okay.
I thought that guy would never

That's okay.
I thought that guy would never
shut up.

I thought that guy would never
shut up.
Okeydoke-doke.

Shut up.
Okeydoke-doke.
Well, I'd like to say something

Okeydoke-doke.
Well, I'd like to say something
about the institution of

Well, I'd like to say something
about the institution of
marriage.

About the institution of
marriage.
When I was a young man, a woman

Marriage.
When I was a young man, a woman
who was going to be married --

When I was a young man, a woman
who was going to be married --
well, she was a virgin.

Who was going to be married --
well, she was a virgin.
Now I'm not pointing any

Well, she was a virgin.
Now I'm not pointing any
fingers or anything.

Now I'm not pointing any
fingers or anything.
I'm just saying that's the way

Fingers or anything.
I'm just saying that's the way
it was.

I'm just saying that's the way
it was.
If you weren't a virgin, you

It was.
If you weren't a virgin, you
didn't get married.

If you weren't a virgin, you
didn't get married.
But, luckily for cindy, times

Didn't get married.
But, luckily for cindy, times
have changed.

But, luckily for cindy, times
have changed.
And her past is her past, and

Have changed.
And her past is her past, and
that's her business.

And her past is her past, and
that's her business.
I think that cindy is a

That's her business.
I think that cindy is a
beautiful, young woman, and she

I think that cindy is a
beautiful, young woman, and she
works.

Beautiful, young woman, and she
works.
My god, what a plus!

Works.
My god, what a plus!
But when I was a youngster, a

My god, what a plus!
But when I was a youngster, a
bride was pure.

But when I was a youngster, a
bride was pure.
And I'm not saying that's a good

Bride was pure.
And I'm not saying that's a good
thing or a bad thing, 'cause who

And I'm not saying that's a good
thing or a bad thing, 'cause who
are we to judge right from

Thing or a bad thing, 'cause who
are we to judge right from
wrong?

Are we to judge right from
wrong?
Moral, immoral?

Wrong?
Moral, immoral?
Virgin, slut?

Moral, immoral?
Virgin, slut?
All that I am saying is that I

Virgin, slut?
All that I am saying is that I
long for the days of the virgin

All that I am saying is that I
long for the days of the virgin
and the elegance of railway

Long for the days of the virgin
and the elegance of railway
travel.

And the elegance of railway
travel.
But enough about me.

Travel.
But enough about me.
A toast to the happy, young

But enough about me.
A toast to the happy, young
couple, and to virgins!

I just got him, and I love

I just got him, and I love
him, and I'm going to name him,

I just got him, and I love
him, and I'm going to name him,
and it's going to be a perfect

Him, and I'm going to name him,
and it's going to be a perfect
name 'cause he's the perfect

And it's going to be a perfect
name 'cause he's the perfect
dog, and I love him.

Name 'cause he's the perfect
dog, and I love him.
Isn't he great?

Dog, and I love him.
Isn't he great?
No, I don't like him.

Isn't he great?
No, I don't like him.
What?

No, I don't like him.
What?
Sorry.

What?
Sorry.
What's wrong with him?

Sorry.
What's wrong with him?
He's just not my type of dog.

What's wrong with him?
He's just not my type of dog.
He's just not...a terrier.

He's just not my type of dog.
He's just not...a terrier.
♪ Terriers are

He's just not...a terrier.
♪ Terriers are
my very favorite breed ♪

♪ Terriers are
my very favorite breed ♪
♪ they're cute and cuddly,

My very favorite breed ♪
♪ they're cute and cuddly,
easy dogs to feed ♪

♪ They're cute and cuddly,
easy dogs to feed ♪
♪ they'll help bring you up

Easy dogs to feed ♪
♪ they'll help bring you up
whenever you are down ♪

♪ They'll help bring you up
whenever you are down ♪
♪ terriers average pounds ♪

Whenever you are down ♪
♪ terriers average pounds ♪
♪ when I walk around

♪ Terriers average pounds ♪
♪ when I walk around
in this terrier town ♪

♪ When I walk around
in this terrier town ♪
♪ one thing that makes me down

In this terrier town ♪
♪ one thing that makes me down
is when people put bandannas

♪ One thing that makes me down
is when people put bandannas
on their dogs ♪

Is when people put bandannas
on their dogs ♪
♪ terriers are

On their dogs ♪
♪ terriers are
my very favorite breed ♪

♪ Terriers are
my very favorite breed ♪
♪ cute and cuddly,

My very favorite breed ♪
♪ cute and cuddly,
easy dogs to feed ♪

♪ Cute and cuddly,
easy dogs to feed ♪
♪ terriers were there

Easy dogs to feed ♪
♪ terriers were there
in the th century ♪

♪ Terriers were there
in the th century ♪
♪ napoleon had one

In the th century ♪
♪ napoleon had one
to prevent misery ♪

♪ Napoleon had one
to prevent misery ♪
♪ terriers are good

To prevent misery ♪
♪ terriers are good
with the aged ♪

♪ Terriers are good
with the aged ♪
♪ studies show that they prolong

With the aged ♪
♪ studies show that they prolong
old peoples' lives ♪

♪ Studies show that they prolong
old peoples' lives ♪
♪ no one wants to die

Old peoples' lives ♪
♪ no one wants to die
like this guy d*ed ♪

♪ No one wants to die
like this guy d*ed ♪
♪ die, die,

Like this guy d*ed ♪
♪ die, die,
die, die ♪

♪ Die, die,
die, die ♪
♪ die, die,

Die, die ♪
♪ die, die,
die, die ♪

♪ Die, die,
die, die ♪
♪ worms eating your eyes ♪

Die, die ♪
♪ worms eating your eyes ♪
bass solo!

Ah, excuse me ladies.

Ah, excuse me ladies.
You're scantily clad and have

Ah, excuse me ladies.
You're scantily clad and have
nothing to do with the

You're scantily clad and have
nothing to do with the
narrative.

Nothing to do with the
narrative.
Therefore, it's sexist.

Narrative.
Therefore, it's sexist.
Sorry.

Therefore, it's sexist.
Sorry.
Wow, that hurt.

Sorry.
Wow, that hurt.
You know those mornings that you

Wow, that hurt.
You know those mornings that you
just can't get out of bed, and

You know those mornings that you
just can't get out of bed, and
you'd call in sick, if you had a

Just can't get out of bed, and
you'd call in sick, if you had a
job?

You'd call in sick, if you had a
job?
You know those mornings where

Job?
You know those mornings where
you just want to watch tv, eat

You know those mornings where
you just want to watch tv, eat
corn chips, and masturbate?

You just want to watch tv, eat
corn chips, and masturbate?
Sure you do.

Corn chips, and masturbate?
Sure you do.
Well, when those days happen,

Sure you do.
Well, when those days happen,
what you should do is start

Well, when those days happen,
what you should do is start
thinking about my friends...

What you should do is start
thinking about my friends...
My little, furry, waterproof

Thinking about my friends...
My little, furry, waterproof
pals.

My little, furry, waterproof
pals.
You know I'm talking about...

♪ Give terriers a chance ♪

♪ Give terriers a chance ♪
yeah!

♪ Give terriers a chance ♪
yeah!
♪ Do the terrier dance ♪

Yeah!
♪ Do the terrier dance ♪
no, let's not.

♪ Do the terrier dance ♪
no, let's not.
♪ But if you want

No, let's not.
♪ But if you want
your love to show ♪

♪ But if you want
your love to show ♪
♪ if you want

Your love to show ♪
♪ if you want
your love to grow ♪

♪ If you want
your love to grow ♪
♪ then go terri...go terri...

Your love to grow ♪
♪ then go terri...go terri...
Go terri...

♪ Then go terri...go terri...
Go terri...
Er ♪

Go terri...
Er ♪
see?

Er ♪
see?
Your dog just isn't good enough.

See?
Your dog just isn't good enough.
I guess you're right.

Your dog just isn't good enough.
I guess you're right.
Go on, snaxi, to a brand-new

I guess you're right.
Go on, snaxi, to a brand-new
life!

To the bride and to the

To the bride and to the
groom, we give cheers!

To the bride and to the
groom, we give cheers!
That's really great, ray.

Groom, we give cheers!
That's really great, ray.
Thanks, thanks.

That's really great, ray.
Thanks, thanks.
Nice words.

Thanks, thanks.
Nice words.
Real nice words.

Nice words.
Real nice words.
You're very welcome.

Real nice words.
You're very welcome.
Oh, thank you.

You're very welcome.
Oh, thank you.
No, thank you.

Oh, thank you.
No, thank you.
Okay, now that we've heard

No, thank you.
Okay, now that we've heard
from the caterers, I think it's

Okay, now that we've heard
from the caterers, I think it's
finally my turn as emcee -- is

From the caterers, I think it's
finally my turn as emcee -- is
it not? -- To make a toast.

Finally my turn as emcee -- is
it not? -- To make a toast.
Thank you.

It not? -- To make a toast.
Thank you.
All right, okay, but hang on.

Thank you.
All right, okay, but hang on.
Before I make my toast to norm

All right, okay, but hang on.
Before I make my toast to norm
and cindy, I want to tell you a

Before I make my toast to norm
and cindy, I want to tell you a
little story about how they came

And cindy, I want to tell you a
little story about how they came
to meet, because I don't want to

Little story about how they came
to meet, because I don't want to
boast, but you might even call

To meet, because I don't want to
boast, but you might even call
me sort of a...

Boast, but you might even call
me sort of a...
Matchmaker?

Me sort of a...
Matchmaker?
A matchmaker, yeah!

Matchmaker?
A matchmaker, yeah!
So I guess it's okay to listen

A matchmaker, yeah!
So I guess it's okay to listen
to me, all right?

So I guess it's okay to listen
to me, all right?
Okay, a little history.

To me, all right?
Okay, a little history.
When I was , my parents got

Okay, a little history.
When I was , my parents got
divorced.

When I was , my parents got
divorced.
Oh, I'm sorry!

Divorced.
Oh, I'm sorry!
I didn't mean to mention that

Oh, I'm sorry!
I didn't mean to mention that
word here.

I didn't mean to mention that
word here.
Knock wood.

Word here.
Knock wood.
It's not going to happen here.

Knock wood.
It's not going to happen here.
But it happened to me.

It's not going to happen here.
But it happened to me.
Now, my best friend at my mom's

But it happened to me.
Now, my best friend at my mom's
place was a guy named norm, who

Now, my best friend at my mom's
place was a guy named norm, who
I think is here tonight, is he

Place was a guy named norm, who
I think is here tonight, is he
not?

I think is here tonight, is he
not?
Yes, he is!

Not?
Yes, he is!
And my best friend at my dad's

Yes, he is!
And my best friend at my dad's
place was a beautiful, young

And my best friend at my dad's
place was a beautiful, young
woman named cindy.

Place was a beautiful, young
woman named cindy.
And is she here tonight?

Woman named cindy.
And is she here tonight?
Yes, I think she is!

And is she here tonight?
Yes, I think she is!
Anyway, flash forward a few

Yes, I think she is!
Anyway, flash forward a few
years later.

Anyway, flash forward a few
years later.
I realize that these two friends

Years later.
I realize that these two friends
of mine had never met, and that

I realize that these two friends
of mine had never met, and that
they were perfect for each

Of mine had never met, and that
they were perfect for each
other, right?

They were perfect for each
other, right?
So, I had a little party.

Other, right?
So, I had a little party.
I invited some friends -- some

So, I had a little party.
I invited some friends -- some
of you are here today -- so that

I invited some friends -- some
of you are here today -- so that
these two special people in my

Of you are here today -- so that
these two special people in my
life could meet.

These two special people in my
life could meet.
Now, we're at the party.

Life could meet.
Now, we're at the party.
It's getting late.

Now, we're at the party.
It's getting late.
I'm on the balcony.

It's getting late.
I'm on the balcony.
I look down in the garden, and I

I'm on the balcony.
I look down in the garden, and I
see norm and cindy talking, but

I look down in the garden, and I
see norm and cindy talking, but
just talking!

See norm and cindy talking, but
just talking!
I'm thinking, come on, norm!

Just talking!
I'm thinking, come on, norm!
Go for it, man!

I'm thinking, come on, norm!
Go for it, man!
Kiss her!

Go for it, man!
Kiss her!
But, um, so I went down to the

Kiss her!
But, um, so I went down to the
garden.

But, um, so I went down to the
garden.
I walked by them.

Garden.
I walked by them.
I didn't say a word, and I

I walked by them.
I didn't say a word, and I
hip-checked norm into cindy.

I didn't say a word, and I
hip-checked norm into cindy.
And when I got up to the top of

Hip-checked norm into cindy.
And when I got up to the top of
the house again and I looked

And when I got up to the top of
the house again and I looked
down, they were kissing.

The house again and I looked
down, they were kissing.
Aww!

Down, they were kissing.
Aww!
A couple months later they

Aww!
A couple months later they
got engaged, and here they are

A couple months later they
got engaged, and here they are
married, and I'm still single!

Got engaged, and here they are
married, and I'm still single!
I mean, what's wrong with me?!

Married, and I'm still single!
I mean, what's wrong with me?!
I'm so lonely!

I mean, what's wrong with me?!
I'm so lonely!
I really am!

I'm so lonely!
I really am!
No!

I really am!
No!
Don't touch me, don't touch me,

No!
Don't touch me, don't touch me,
don't touch me, don't touch me!

Don't touch me, don't touch me,
don't touch me, don't touch me!
Mommy?

Don't touch me, don't touch me!
Mommy?
Daddy?

Mommy?
Daddy?
Mommy?

Daddy?
Mommy?
Daddy?

[ Knocking on door ]

[ Knocking on door ]
come in.

[ Knocking on door ]
come in.
I came as soon as I

Come in.
I came as soon as I
ascertained you needed to see

I came as soon as I
ascertained you needed to see
me, sir.

Ascertained you needed to see
me, sir.
Sit down, williams.

Me, sir.
Sit down, williams.
What is it, sir?

Sit down, williams.
What is it, sir?
Williams, there have been

What is it, sir?
Williams, there have been
some complaints about your use

Williams, there have been
some complaints about your use
of language on the docks.

Some complaints about your use
of language on the docks.
If this is about yesterday,

Of language on the docks.
If this is about yesterday,
sir, yes, I did use a few blue

If this is about yesterday,
sir, yes, I did use a few blue
words, a few cuss words, but as

Sir, yes, I did use a few blue
words, a few cuss words, but as
soon as I ascertained that the

Words, a few cuss words, but as
soon as I ascertained that the
mix-up had been corrected --

Soon as I ascertained that the
mix-up had been corrected --
no, williams, it's not

Mix-up had been corrected --
no, williams, it's not
your swearing that I'm getting

No, williams, it's not
your swearing that I'm getting
complaints about.

Your swearing that I'm getting
complaints about.
It's the fact that you use the

Complaints about.
It's the fact that you use the
word "ascertain" too much.

It's the fact that you use the
word "ascertain" too much.
Really?

Word "ascertain" too much.
Really?
Yes, apparently you use it

Really?
Yes, apparently you use it
an average of to times

Yes, apparently you use it
an average of to times
daily.

An average of to times
daily.
Well, I do, but so other few

Daily.
Well, I do, but so other few
words fit.

Well, I do, but so other few
words fit.
Well, it's driving the men

Words fit.
Well, it's driving the men
crazy, okay?

Well, it's driving the men
crazy, okay?
Who's complaining, sir?

Crazy, okay?
Who's complaining, sir?
Is it sanchez?

Who's complaining, sir?
Is it sanchez?
No, it's not sanchez!

Is it sanchez?
No, it's not sanchez!
It's the older men, the ones

No, it's not sanchez!
It's the older men, the ones
nearing retirement.

It's the older men, the ones
nearing retirement.
Sir, I ascertain that these

Nearing retirement.
Sir, I ascertain that these
men are just jealous of my

Sir, I ascertain that these
men are just jealous of my
command of the...english...

Men are just jealous of my
command of the...english...
Language.

Command of the...english...
Language.
Well, perhaps.

Language.
Well, perhaps.
But I suggest that just to keep

Well, perhaps.
But I suggest that just to keep
things running smoothly down on

But I suggest that just to keep
things running smoothly down on
the docks that you humor me by

Things running smoothly down on
the docks that you humor me by
limiting yourself to these four

The docks that you humor me by
limiting yourself to these four
work-related phrases...

Limiting yourself to these four
work-related phrases...
"Good morning, fellas.

Work-related phrases...
"Good morning, fellas.
Hand me that thing.

"Good morning, fellas.
Hand me that thing.
Boy, this work's hard.

Hand me that thing.
Boy, this work's hard.
Guys, break's over."

Boy, this work's hard.
Guys, break's over."
Sir, I ascertain...

Guys, break's over."
Sir, I ascertain...
Oh!

Sir, I ascertain...
Oh!
...that it's their problem.

Oh!
...that it's their problem.
They're just jealous of me.

...that it's their problem.
They're just jealous of me.
It's my right to ascertain

They're just jealous of me.
It's my right to ascertain
things.

It's my right to ascertain
things.
You should talk to them about

Things.
You should talk to them about
their being upset about my...

You should talk to them about
their being upset about my...
"Ascertaination."

Their being upset about my...
"Ascertaination."
Look!

"Ascertaination."
Look!
I was young once.

Look!
I was young once.
And whatever you do in the

I was young once.
And whatever you do in the
privacy of your home, with your

And whatever you do in the
privacy of your home, with your
good lady wife, well, that's

Privacy of your home, with your
good lady wife, well, that's
your business.

Good lady wife, well, that's
your business.
But when it starts to slow work

Your business.
But when it starts to slow work
down on the docks, then it

But when it starts to slow work
down on the docks, then it
becomes my business.

Down on the docks, then it
becomes my business.
I ascertain --

Becomes my business.
I ascertain --
if you don't back off that

I ascertain --
if you don't back off that
word, you'll be looking for a

If you don't back off that
word, you'll be looking for a
new job.

Word, you'll be looking for a
new job.
Comprendez-vous?

New job.
Comprendez-vous?
I asc--

Comprendez-vous?
I asc--
mnh-mnh.

I asc--
mnh-mnh.
Asc--

Mnh-mnh.
Asc--
nuh-uh.

Asc--
nuh-uh.
Asc--

Nuh-uh.
Asc--
no, no, no, no.

Asc--
no, no, no, no.
I asc--

No, no, no, no.
I asc--
mnh-mnh-mnh-mnh-mnh.

I asc--
mnh-mnh-mnh-mnh-mnh.
No, nuh-uh.

Mnh-mnh-mnh-mnh-mnh.
No, nuh-uh.
"Good morning, fellas.

No, nuh-uh.
"Good morning, fellas.
Hand me that thing.

"Good morning, fellas.
Hand me that thing.
Boy, this work's hard.

Hand me that thing.
Boy, this work's hard.
Guys, break's over."

Boy, this work's hard.
Guys, break's over."
I asc--

Guys, break's over."
I asc--
"boy, this work's hard."

I asc--
"boy, this work's hard."
There you go!

"Boy, this work's hard."
There you go!
Good boy!

There you go!
Good boy!
Now get the hell out of my

Good boy!
Now get the hell out of my
office.

Now get the hell out of my
office.
Glad we had the chance to get

Office.
Glad we had the chance to get
together and delineate our

Glad we had the chance to get
together and delineate our
little problem.

Together and delineate our
little problem.
Duh-lin-e-ate.

Little problem.
Duh-lin-e-ate.
Sir, I promise I'll never use

Duh-lin-e-ate.
Sir, I promise I'll never use
that...other word ever again.

Sir, I promise I'll never use
that...other word ever again.
Duh-lin-e-ate.

...and that, good people, is

...and that, good people, is
how I came to my decision to

...and that, good people, is
how I came to my decision to
remain celibate.

How I came to my decision to
remain celibate.
Thank you.

Remain celibate.
Thank you.
Okay.

Thank you.
Okay.
And now let us raise our glass

Okay.
And now let us raise our glass
in a toast to yet another happy

And now let us raise our glass
in a toast to yet another happy
couple.

In a toast to yet another happy
couple.
And maybe --

Couple.
And maybe --
I object.

And maybe --
I object.
Uh, pardon?

I object.
Uh, pardon?
Earlier you said if someone

Uh, pardon?
Earlier you said if someone
had a reason why these two

Earlier you said if someone
had a reason why these two
shouldn't be married, they

Had a reason why these two
shouldn't be married, they
should speak up.

Shouldn't be married, they
should speak up.
Well, I have a reason, and I

Should speak up.
Well, I have a reason, and I
think it's a good one.

Well, I have a reason, and I
think it's a good one.
Yes, my son, but you should

Think it's a good one.
Yes, my son, but you should
have done it two hours ago.

Yes, my son, but you should
have done it two hours ago.
Don't be such a nitpicker,

Have done it two hours ago.
Don't be such a nitpicker,
priesty boy!

Don't be such a nitpicker,
priesty boy!
Okay, this is my objection.

Priesty boy!
Okay, this is my objection.
It will come to no surprise to

Okay, this is my objection.
It will come to no surprise to
anyone here that cindy, the

It will come to no surprise to
anyone here that cindy, the
lovely bride, and I had an

Anyone here that cindy, the
lovely bride, and I had an
intense and sustained

Lovely bride, and I had an
intense and sustained
flirtation.

Intense and sustained
flirtation.
What?!

Flirtation.
What?!
Well, no!

What?!
Well, no!
Oh, come on!

Well, no!
Oh, come on!
Cindy!

Oh, come on!
Cindy!
All right, okay, okay.

Cindy!
All right, okay, okay.
Oh, we'd get really close,

All right, okay, okay.
Oh, we'd get really close,
and we'd almost get there, but

Oh, we'd get really close,
and we'd almost get there, but
then she said, "I don't want a

And we'd almost get there, but
then she said, "I don't want a
relationship!"

Then she said, "I don't want a
relationship!"
"Who wants a relationship?"

Relationship!"
"Who wants a relationship?"
And then when I looked the other

"Who wants a relationship?"
And then when I looked the other
way, she met another finger.

And then when I looked the other
way, she met another finger.
Now she's married that finger.

Way, she met another finger.
Now she's married that finger.
But hey!

Now she's married that finger.
But hey!
I'm a reasonable man!

But hey!
I'm a reasonable man!
And I will allow this

I'm a reasonable man!
And I will allow this
"celebration of love" to

And I will allow this
"celebration of love" to
continue, but under one

"Celebration of love" to
continue, but under one
condition!

Continue, but under one
condition!
That you, cindy, meet me in the

Condition!
That you, cindy, meet me in the
back room for five minutes!

That you, cindy, meet me in the
back room for five minutes!
Five minutes of hard pumping!

Back room for five minutes!
Five minutes of hard pumping!
No!

Five minutes of hard pumping!
No!
Come on, cindy!

No!
Come on, cindy!
You owe me!

Come on, cindy!
You owe me!
You owe me!

You owe me!
You owe me!
You owe me!

You owe me!
You owe me!
People!

You owe me!
People!
Brothers and sisters!

People!
Brothers and sisters!
Please!

Brothers and sisters!
Please!
We are all so quick to judge,

Please!
We are all so quick to judge,
aren't we?

We are all so quick to judge,
aren't we?
This man is obviously in pain.

Aren't we?
This man is obviously in pain.
Pain!

This man is obviously in pain.
Pain!
Have we not all had the pain

Pain!
Have we not all had the pain
of unrequited love, from people,

Have we not all had the pain
of unrequited love, from people,
women, choirs, and the like?

Of unrequited love, from people,
women, choirs, and the like?
Yet this is a sacred time.

Women, choirs, and the like?
Yet this is a sacred time.
And I believe --

Yet this is a sacred time.
And I believe --
all right, we'll do it.

And I believe --
all right, we'll do it.
We'll do it right here on the

All right, we'll do it.
We'll do it right here on the
head table.

We'll do it right here on the
head table.
Is that what you want?

Head table.
Is that what you want?
In front of everyone?

Is that what you want?
In front of everyone?
Yeah, you got five minutes.

In front of everyone?
Yeah, you got five minutes.
Let's go.

Yeah, you got five minutes.
Let's go.
Come on.

Let's go.
Come on.
Okay, I'll keep the time.

Come on.
Okay, I'll keep the time.
To the bride and groom!

Okay, I'll keep the time.
To the bride and groom!
Uh...cheers.

Okay, come on.

Okay, come on.
Clamp those thighs together.

Okay, come on.
Clamp those thighs together.
That's good!

Clamp those thighs together.
That's good!
That's good!

That's good!
That's good!
That should do it, all right.

That's good!
That should do it, all right.
Wait a second.

That should do it, all right.
Wait a second.
Maybe if you put your ankles

Wait a second.
Maybe if you put your ankles
together.

Maybe if you put your ankles
together.
That's much better.

Together.
That's much better.
Okay, come on!

That's much better.
Okay, come on!
Squeeze, squeeze, you old

Okay, come on!
Squeeze, squeeze, you old
trouper!

Squeeze, squeeze, you old
trouper!
That's it -- teamwork!

Trouper!
That's it -- teamwork!
Teamwork!

That's it -- teamwork!
Teamwork!
Oh-ho!

Teamwork!
Oh-ho!
Ho-ho!

Oh-ho!
Ho-ho!
[ Sighs ]

Ho-ho!
[ Sighs ]
here's your wine, sir.

[ Sighs ]
here's your wine, sir.
Oh, great, thank you.

Here's your wine, sir.
Oh, great, thank you.
Uh, I ordered white wine.

Oh, great, thank you.
Uh, I ordered white wine.
But this is red wine.

Uh, I ordered white wine.
But this is red wine.
Yes, it is.

But this is red wine.
Yes, it is.
Oh, okay.

Yes, it is.
Oh, okay.
I'll be right back.

Oh, okay.
I'll be right back.
Hang on a second.

I'll be right back.
Hang on a second.
Don't go away.

Hang on a second.
Don't go away.
Excuse me, but I've been

Don't go away.
Excuse me, but I've been
waiting a long time.

Excuse me, but I've been
waiting a long time.
Ah, well, you know, the 's

Waiting a long time.
Ah, well, you know, the 's
were hard on a lot of people,

Ah, well, you know, the 's
were hard on a lot of people,
weren't they?

Were hard on a lot of people,
weren't they?
Terrible.

Weren't they?
Terrible.
Oh, excuse me!

Terrible.
Oh, excuse me!
Excuse me!

Oh, excuse me!
Excuse me!
My hearing-impaired friend,

Excuse me!
My hearing-impaired friend,
there's something I have to tell

There's something I have to tell
you.
Wait.

You.
Wait.
I learned how to sign it.

Wait.
I learned how to sign it.
I've been studying that card you

I learned how to sign it.
I've been studying that card you
sold me.

I've been studying that card you
sold me.
Okay, here goes.

Sold me.
Okay, here goes.
The management says you can't

Okay, here goes.
The management says you can't
sell these here.

The management says you can't
sell these here.
Hey, you ripped me off!

Sell these here.
Hey, you ripped me off!
That one's not in here, you

Hey, you ripped me off!
That one's not in here, you
bugger.

That one's not in here, you
bugger.
Yes?

Bugger.
Yes?
Am I next?

Yes?
Am I next?
Yes.

Am I next?
Yes.
You're absolutely the very next

Yes.
You're absolutely the very next
person to be seated, madam.

You're absolutely the very next
person to be seated, madam.
You said it would be five

Person to be seated, madam.
You said it would be five
minutes.

You said it would be five
minutes.
Well, I meant five long

Minutes.
Well, I meant five long
minutes.

Well, I meant five long
minutes.
You know what I mean?

Minutes.
You know what I mean?
Fine.

You know what I mean?
Fine.
Then I'll just leave.

Fine.
Then I'll just leave.
No, no.

Then I'll just leave.
No, no.
Please don't leave!

No, no.
Please don't leave!
I'll find somewhere to uh...

Please don't leave!
I'll find somewhere to uh...
So are we all done here?

I'll find somewhere to uh...
So are we all done here?
Can I bring you the check?

So are we all done here?
Can I bring you the check?
Actually, we just got our

Can I bring you the check?
Actually, we just got our
food, thanks.

Actually, we just got our
food, thanks.
Well, perhaps I could take

Food, thanks.
Well, perhaps I could take
your dessert order?

Well, perhaps I could take
your dessert order?
You see, we need the table.

Your dessert order?
You see, we need the table.
Well, we're going to be quite

You see, we need the table.
Well, we're going to be quite
a while.

Well, we're going to be quite
a while.
Um, could you give me a

A while.
Um, could you give me a
"guesstimate," some sort of

Um, could you give me a
"guesstimate," some sort of
"guesstimation" as to how long

"Guesstimate," some sort of
"guesstimation" as to how long
you think you might be?

"Guesstimation" as to how long
you think you might be?
Five long minutes.

You think you might be?
Five long minutes.
Five long minutes.

Five long minutes.
Five long minutes.
I don't think we're going to get

Five long minutes.
I don't think we're going to get
that particular table.

I don't think we're going to get
that particular table.
You're not very good at this,

That particular table.
You're not very good at this,
are you?

You're not very good at this,
are you?
Very perceptive!

Are you?
Very perceptive!
Quite right!

Very perceptive!
Quite right!
I'm more of an actor than a

Quite right!
I'm more of an actor than a
waiter.

I'm more of an actor than a
waiter.
This is sort of research for me.

Waiter.
This is sort of research for me.
Out of my way, buffoon.

This is sort of research for me.
Out of my way, buffoon.
Hey, you found a table!

Out of my way, buffoon.
Hey, you found a table!
Good for you!

Hey, you found a table!
Good for you!
I'd like to order right away.

Good for you!
I'd like to order right away.
Absolutely, yes.

I'd like to order right away.
Absolutely, yes.
Hey!

Absolutely, yes.
Hey!
Yes, sir?

Hey!
Yes, sir?
Can I have a cigarette?

Yes, sir?
Can I have a cigarette?
Uh, I'm afraid I don't smoke,

Can I have a cigarette?
Uh, I'm afraid I don't smoke,
but I think some of our patrons

Uh, I'm afraid I don't smoke,
but I think some of our patrons
do.

But I think some of our patrons
do.
Ah! Bingo!

Do.
Ah! Bingo!
Here we are!

Ah! Bingo!
Here we are!
Right in front of our noses!

Here we are!
Right in front of our noses!
Can I have seven of those?

Right in front of our noses!
Can I have seven of those?
Madam?

Can I have seven of those?
Madam?
For my kids.

Madam?
For my kids.
Yes, all right, all right.

For my kids.
Yes, all right, all right.
There you go -- seven, right

Yes, all right, all right.
There you go -- seven, right
there.

There you go -- seven, right
there.
So your order, ma'am?

There.
So your order, ma'am?
Yes...

So your order, ma'am?
Yes...
[ Vagrant farts ]

Yes...
[ Vagrant farts ]
hey, good one, madam!

[ Vagrant farts ]
hey, good one, madam!
It wasn't me.

Hey, good one, madam!
It wasn't me.
It wasn't me.

It wasn't me.
It wasn't me.
It was the dirty man by the

It wasn't me.
It was the dirty man by the
fence.

It was the dirty man by the
fence.
In fact, I wish you would ask

Fence.
In fact, I wish you would ask
him to leave, frankly.

In fact, I wish you would ask
him to leave, frankly.
Absolutely, ma'am.

Him to leave, frankly.
Absolutely, ma'am.
Excuse me.

Absolutely, ma'am.
Excuse me.
Could you please leave?

Excuse me.
Could you please leave?
You seem to be annoying this

Could you please leave?
You seem to be annoying this
woman here.

You seem to be annoying this
woman here.
I can't.

Woman here.
I can't.
No?

I can't.
No?
My town b*rned down, and the

No?
My town b*rned down, and the
police asked me to stay here

My town b*rned down, and the
police asked me to stay here
till it's fixed.

Police asked me to stay here
till it's fixed.
Cour-age, cour-age.

Till it's fixed.
Cour-age, cour-age.
Seems the authorities are

Cour-age, cour-age.
Seems the authorities are
already involved, madam.

Seems the authorities are
already involved, madam.
Our hands are tied.

Already involved, madam.
Our hands are tied.
Yes.

Our hands are tied.
Yes.
Take your order now?

Yes.
Take your order now?
I will have the avocado

Take your order now?
I will have the avocado
salad...

I will have the avocado
salad...
The avocado salad.

Salad...
The avocado salad.
...to be followed by the

The avocado salad.
...to be followed by the
chicken parisian.

...to be followed by the
chicken parisian.
Ma'am, I'm sorry.

Chicken parisian.
Ma'am, I'm sorry.
There's no hot food.

Ma'am, I'm sorry.
There's no hot food.
Do you mean to tell me this

There's no hot food.
Do you mean to tell me this
restaurant doesn't serve hot

Do you mean to tell me this
restaurant doesn't serve hot
food?

Restaurant doesn't serve hot
food?
Oh, no, the restaurant serves

Food?
Oh, no, the restaurant serves
hot food.

Oh, no, the restaurant serves
hot food.
It's just that I can't get you

Hot food.
It's just that I can't get you
any.

It's just that I can't get you
any.
It seems the chef isn't talking

Any.
It seems the chef isn't talking
to me again this evening, if you

It seems the chef isn't talking
to me again this evening, if you
know what I mean.

To me again this evening, if you
know what I mean.
That's it.

Know what I mean.
That's it.
I'm going to storm out.

That's it.
I'm going to storm out.
And do you know why I'm going to

I'm going to storm out.
And do you know why I'm going to
storm out?

And do you know why I'm going to
storm out?
No!

Storm out?
No!
Because you are a lousy

No!
Because you are a lousy
waiter!

Because you are a lousy
waiter!
Isn't he?

Waiter!
Isn't he?
Isn't he a lousy waiter?

Isn't he?
Isn't he a lousy waiter?
Isn't he just about the worst

Isn't he a lousy waiter?
Isn't he just about the worst
waiter...

Isn't he just about the worst
waiter...
Come on!

Waiter...
Come on!
What?

Come on!
What?
No tip?

What?
No tip?
[ All booing ]

No tip?
[ All booing ]
oh, I see.

[ All booing ]
oh, I see.
This is it, is it?

Oh, I see.
This is it, is it?
We've decided to indulge in

This is it, is it?
We've decided to indulge in
little g*ng-group n*zi chanting,

We've decided to indulge in
little g*ng-group n*zi chanting,
have we?

Little g*ng-group n*zi chanting,
have we?
Shame! Shame!

Have we?
Shame! Shame!
I think we should all try and

Shame! Shame!
I think we should all try and
remember what christ said when

I think we should all try and
remember what christ said when
he said, "let he who has no sin

Remember what christ said when
he said, "let he who has no sin
among you cast the first stone."

He said, "let he who has no sin
among you cast the first stone."
Okay?

Among you cast the first stone."
Okay?
Thank you.

Okay?
Thank you.
Must be a full moon, eh?

Thank you.
Must be a full moon, eh?
Can you get them to throw

Must be a full moon, eh?
Can you get them to throw
some butter?

Can you get them to throw
some butter?
I'd rather not.