Hello, there, hillary.
Hello, there, hillary.
Oh, hello, marjorie!
Hello, there, hillary.
Oh, hello, marjorie!
That's a lovely display you
Oh, hello, marjorie!
That's a lovely display you
have.
That's a lovely display you
have.
Oh, thank you!
Have.
Oh, thank you!
Have a lovely day!
Oh, thank you!
Have a lovely day!
You too, dear.
Have a lovely day!
You too, dear.
Hello, peter!
You too, dear.
Hello, peter!
Oh, my.
Hello, peter!
Oh, my.
Oh, oh!
Oh, my.
Oh, oh!
Oh, geez!
Oh, oh!
Oh, geez!
Oh, I've fallen.
Oh, geez!
Oh, I've fallen.
Um, excuse me.
Oh, I've fallen.
Um, excuse me.
Could you help me up there,
Um, excuse me.
Could you help me up there,
please, here?
Could you help me up there,
please, here?
Oh, thank you, young man.
Please, here?
Oh, thank you, young man.
I don't mean to be a bother.
Oh, thank you, young man.
I don't mean to be a bother.
It's just that, you know, must
I don't mean to be a bother.
It's just that, you know, must
have been some ice there, and I
It's just that, you know, must
have been some ice there, and I
didn't see it, you know, and I
Have been some ice there, and I
didn't see it, you know, and I
don't quite have the balance
Didn't see it, you know, and I
don't quite have the balance
that I used to, you know?
Don't quite have the balance
that I used to, you know?
Don't mean to be a bother.
That I used to, you know?
Don't mean to be a bother.
It's just that I wouldn't mind
Don't mean to be a bother.
It's just that I wouldn't mind
the help.
It's just that I wouldn't mind
the help.
Th-those are my oranges.
The help.
Th-those are my oranges.
I'll take --
Th-those are my oranges.
I'll take --
you've got my oranges!
I'll take --
you've got my oranges!
Stop! Thief!
You've got my oranges!
Stop! Thief!
Please, uh...
Stop! Thief!
Please, uh...
That man stole my oranges!
Please, uh...
That man stole my oranges!
Oh, no.
That man stole my oranges!
Oh, no.
Can somebody help me, please?
Oh, no.
Can somebody help me, please?
Oh, thank you.
Can somebody help me, please?
Oh, thank you.
I just -- it won't take much...
Oh, thank you.
I just -- it won't take much...
Oh, god.
I just -- it won't take much...
Oh, god.
Oh!
Oh, god.
Oh!
Are you all right, ma'am?
Oh!
Are you all right, ma'am?
Aaahh!
Are you all right, ma'am?
Aaahh!
Oh!
Aaahh!
Oh!
Daahh!
Oh!
Daahh!
Doh! Doh! Daaah!
Daahh!
Doh! Doh! Daaah!
Oh, stop it.
Gee, you sure we shouldn't
Gee, you sure we shouldn't
have done something?
Gee, you sure we shouldn't
have done something?
Nah, you don't want to get
Have done something?
Nah, you don't want to get
involved in that, no.
Nah, you don't want to get
involved in that, no.
Yeah, 'cause, uh, 'cause
Involved in that, no.
Yeah, 'cause, uh, 'cause
something goes wrong, uh, they
Yeah, 'cause, uh, 'cause
something goes wrong, uh, they
can sue you.
Something goes wrong, uh, they
can sue you.
Oh, yeah, and then some.
Can sue you.
Oh, yeah, and then some.
Yeah, sue you.
Good evening.
Good evening.
Tonight I would like to give a
Good evening.
Tonight I would like to give a
demonstration of my rather
Tonight I would like to give a
demonstration of my rather
unique gift.
Demonstration of my rather
unique gift.
I will draw a likeness of a
Unique gift.
I will draw a likeness of a
person's face whom I have never
I will draw a likeness of a
person's face whom I have never
seen simply by listening to the
Person's face whom I have never
seen simply by listening to the
sound of his or her voice.
Seen simply by listening to the
sound of his or her voice.
And now so that there should be
Sound of his or her voice.
And now so that there should be
no question as to the
And now so that there should be
no question as to the
authenticity of this test, we
No question as to the
authenticity of this test, we
asked a priest to select a
Authenticity of this test, we
asked a priest to select a
volunteer very carefully from
Asked a priest to select a
volunteer very carefully from
the streets of our city and keep
Volunteer very carefully from
the streets of our city and keep
him or her in seclusion so that
The streets of our city and keep
him or her in seclusion so that
I would not see them.
Him or her in seclusion so that
I would not see them.
Now that volunteer, I believe,
I would not see them.
Now that volunteer, I believe,
is hidden behind this privacy
Now that volunteer, I believe,
is hidden behind this privacy
screen.
Is hidden behind this privacy
screen.
Is that not correct, father?
Screen.
Is that not correct, father?
That is correct.
Is that not correct, father?
That is correct.
Thank you, father.
That is correct.
Thank you, father.
You're welcome.
Thank you, father.
You're welcome.
And now I would like to
You're welcome.
And now I would like to
introduce to you my lovely
And now I would like to
introduce to you my lovely
assistant, kevin mcdonald, who
Introduce to you my lovely
assistant, kevin mcdonald, who
is dressed this way for a cheap
Assistant, kevin mcdonald, who
is dressed this way for a cheap
laugh.
Is dressed this way for a cheap
laugh.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Laugh.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ whistling ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ whistling ]
thank you.
[ Whistling ]
thank you.
Now let's get started.
Thank you.
Now let's get started.
Sir or madam, can you hear me?
Now let's get started.
Sir or madam, can you hear me?
Yes, I can.
Sir or madam, can you hear me?
Yes, I can.
Okay.
Yes, I can.
Okay.
Already I have determined that
Okay.
Already I have determined that
you are...a man.
Already I have determined that
you are...a man.
Now I would ask that you
You are...a man.
Now I would ask that you
continue talking so that I can
Now I would ask that you
continue talking so that I can
get a feel for your face.
Continue talking so that I can
get a feel for your face.
Uh, I don't know what to say.
Get a feel for your face.
Uh, I don't know what to say.
Anything at all.
Uh, I don't know what to say.
Anything at all.
It really doesn't matter.
Anything at all.
It really doesn't matter.
I'm blank.
It really doesn't matter.
I'm blank.
Anything.
I'm blank.
Anything.
You see, uh, in much the same
Anything.
You see, uh, in much the same
way an archaeologist can
You see, uh, in much the same
way an archaeologist can
reconstruct an entire dinosaur
Way an archaeologist can
reconstruct an entire dinosaur
from a single shinbone, I can
Reconstruct an entire dinosaur
from a single shinbone, I can
determine the appearance of your
From a single shinbone, I can
determine the appearance of your
face simply from the way your
Determine the appearance of your
face simply from the way your
voice reverberates off your
Face simply from the way your
voice reverberates off your
palate.
Voice reverberates off your
palate.
So, if you could just say
Palate.
So, if you could just say
anything at all, just tell us
So, if you could just say
anything at all, just tell us
about your day.
Anything at all, just tell us
about your day.
Well, I woke up, right?
About your day.
Well, I woke up, right?
Yes, good, good, good, good.
Well, I woke up, right?
Yes, good, good, good, good.
And then I had a shower.
Yes, good, good, good, good.
And then I had a shower.
Uh-huh.
And then I had a shower.
Uh-huh.
Okay, more.
Uh-huh.
Okay, more.
I...i got dressed.
Okay, more.
I...i got dressed.
Uh-huh.
I...i got dressed.
Uh-huh.
And then I ate.
Uh-huh.
And then I ate.
Great.
And then I ate.
Great.
Well, remember that the essence
Great.
Well, remember that the essence
of good storytelling is
Well, remember that the essence
of good storytelling is
embellishment.
Of good storytelling is
embellishment.
Oh, okay.
Embellishment.
Oh, okay.
I ate a...a goat.
Oh, okay.
I ate a...a goat.
A whole goat, sir?
I ate a...a goat.
A whole goat, sir?
Yes.
A whole goat, sir?
Yes.
I woke up, had a shower, got
Yes.
I woke up, had a shower, got
dressed, and ate a goat.
I woke up, had a shower, got
dressed, and ate a goat.
Uh-huh.
Dressed, and ate a goat.
Uh-huh.
And then a priest picked me
Uh-huh.
And then a priest picked me
out of a crowd and dragged me
And then a priest picked me
out of a crowd and dragged me
down here.
Out of a crowd and dragged me
down here.
Okay, kevin, I think we're
Down here.
Okay, kevin, I think we're
losing the crowd.
Okay, kevin, I think we're
losing the crowd.
Could you please show them your
Losing the crowd.
Could you please show them your
bum?
Could you please show them your
bum?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Fine!
Fine!
I'm done.
Fine!
I'm done.
I think the moment has come that
I'm done.
I think the moment has come that
I think we've all been waiting
I think the moment has come that
I think we've all been waiting
for.
I think we've all been waiting
for.
I believe that our volunteer
For.
I believe that our volunteer
looks like...this.
I believe that our volunteer
looks like...this.
Would our volunteer please step
Looks like...this.
Would our volunteer please step
out from behind the screen and
Would our volunteer please step
out from behind the screen and
show us what you actually look
Out from behind the screen and
show us what you actually look
like?
Show us what you actually look
like?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Like?
[ Cheers and applause ]
is this wild?!
[ Cheers and applause ]
is this wild?!
Is this wild?!
Is this wild?!
Is this wild?!
Thank you.
Is this wild?!
Thank you.
Thank you.
[ Radio plays dance music ]
Boo!
Boo!
Good scare, gavin.
I scared you.
I scared you.
Hey, mom?
I scared you.
Hey, mom?
Yes, you did, gavin.
Hey, mom?
Yes, you did, gavin.
Yeah.
Yes, you did, gavin.
Yeah.
Mom, mom, see, I made my
Yeah.
Mom, mom, see, I made my
coffee-machine model.
Mom, mom, see, I made my
coffee-machine model.
Oh.
Coffee-machine model.
Oh.
Mom, do you know why they
Oh.
Mom, do you know why they
call it crazee glue?
Mom, do you know why they
call it crazee glue?
No, I don't.
Call it crazee glue?
No, I don't.
Because the guy that invented
No, I don't.
Because the guy that invented
it didn't patent it, got no
Because the guy that invented
it didn't patent it, got no
money, and the grief drove him
It didn't patent it, got no
money, and the grief drove him
insane.
Money, and the grief drove him
insane.
And instead of holding his arms
Insane.
And instead of holding his arms
with a straitjacket, they held
And instead of holding his arms
with a straitjacket, they held
his arms with crazee glue -- his
With a straitjacket, they held
his arms with crazee glue -- his
own crazee glue.
His arms with crazee glue -- his
own crazee glue.
On a much kinder note --
Own crazee glue.
On a much kinder note --
[ doorbell rings ]
On a much kinder note --
[ doorbell rings ]
gavin, will you get that,
[ Doorbell rings ]
gavin, will you get that,
please?
Gavin, will you get that,
please?
I'll get it.
Please?
I'll get it.
Do you know this kid at school,
I'll get it.
Do you know this kid at school,
terfeg herte?
Do you know this kid at school,
terfeg herte?
Well, I'll tell the story
Terfeg herte?
Well, I'll tell the story
anyway.
Well, I'll tell the story
anyway.
His brother is only three and
Anyway.
His brother is only three and
has his own credit card.
His brother is only three and
has his own credit card.
Boy, is he ever popular.
Has his own credit card.
Boy, is he ever popular.
One day, as we walked by a
Boy, is he ever popular.
One day, as we walked by a
ski-doo dealership, I noticed --
One day, as we walked by a
ski-doo dealership, I noticed --
gavin.
Ski-doo dealership, I noticed --
gavin.
Oh, hello.
Gavin.
Oh, hello.
Gavin, I might be a little bit
Oh, hello.
Gavin, I might be a little bit
later than I originally thought,
Gavin, I might be a little bit
later than I originally thought,
okay?
Later than I originally thought,
okay?
So --
Okay?
So --
oh, good, you're here.
So --
oh, good, you're here.
Come on in.
Oh, good, you're here.
Come on in.
Uh, now, mrs. Pineroski couldn't
Come on in.
Uh, now, mrs. Pineroski couldn't
make it tonight, so this is her
Uh, now, mrs. Pineroski couldn't
make it tonight, so this is her
daughter.
Make it tonight, so this is her
daughter.
She'll be watching you instead.
Daughter.
She'll be watching you instead.
Hi, I'm natalie.
Now, there's pop in the
Now, there's pop in the
fridge, and chips and cookies
Now, there's pop in the
fridge, and chips and cookies
and candy in the cupboards.
Fridge, and chips and cookies
and candy in the cupboards.
Help yourself.
And candy in the cupboards.
Help yourself.
Gavin can't have any.
Help yourself.
Gavin can't have any.
Okay, shall we?
Gavin can't have any.
Okay, shall we?
Oh, my god, a hearse!
Okay, shall we?
Oh, my god, a hearse!
[ Gasps ]
Oh, my god, a hearse!
[ Gasps ]
hello, gavin.
[ Gasps ]
hello, gavin.
Hel-- hel-- hel-- hello.
Hello, gavin.
Hel-- hel-- hel-- hello.
This kid at school...
Hel-- hel-- hel-- hello.
This kid at school...
This kid at school what?
This kid at school...
This kid at school what?
You smell good, hey.
This kid at school what?
You smell good, hey.
Thank you very much.
You smell good, hey.
Thank you very much.
What time do you go to bed?
Thank you very much.
What time do you go to bed?
I don't.
What time do you go to bed?
I don't.
I've been going to school on the
I don't.
I've been going to school on the
night shift.
I've been going to school on the
night shift.
I just got home.
Night shift.
I just got home.
Then why are you wearing
I just got home.
Then why are you wearing
pajamas?
Then why are you wearing
pajamas?
'Cause it's night school,
Pajamas?
'Cause it's night school,
silly.
'Cause it's night school,
silly.
Let's do something fun.
Silly.
Let's do something fun.
I'll do your taxes if you
Let's do something fun.
I'll do your taxes if you
have minutes.
I'll do your taxes if you
have minutes.
Let's watch tv.
Have minutes.
Let's watch tv.
No.
Let's watch tv.
No.
Tv rots your brain like it's
No.
Tv rots your brain like it's
cr*ck cocaine.
Tv rots your brain like it's
cr*ck cocaine.
You know, I heard somewhere
cr*ck cocaine.
You know, I heard somewhere
once about a guy who watched the
You know, I heard somewhere
once about a guy who watched the
weather channel for hours
Once about a guy who watched the
weather channel for hours
straight, and he went insane.
Weather channel for hours
straight, and he went insane.
How fascinating.
Straight, and he went insane.
How fascinating.
Just like the guy who
How fascinating.
Just like the guy who
invented crazee glue.
Just like the guy who
invented crazee glue.
You know about him?
Invented crazee glue.
You know about him?
Yes.
You know about him?
Yes.
Do you?
Yes.
Do you?
Yes.
Do you?
Yes.
[ Heart pounding ]
Yes.
[ Heart pounding ]
natalie!
[ Heart pounding ]
natalie!
Vito!
Natalie!
Vito!
Hey!
Vito!
Hey!
Did you have trouble finding
Hey!
Did you have trouble finding
the place?
Did you have trouble finding
the place?
Aw, no, I followed my heart.
The place?
Aw, no, I followed my heart.
And your directions helped.
Aw, no, I followed my heart.
And your directions helped.
Hello.
And your directions helped.
Hello.
Hey, what's with the kid?
Hello.
Hey, what's with the kid?
You said he'd be in bed by now.
Hey, what's with the kid?
You said he'd be in bed by now.
We were talking.
You said he'd be in bed by now.
We were talking.
We hit it off.
We were talking.
We hit it off.
Yeah, whatever.
We hit it off.
Yeah, whatever.
Come on, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
Come on, baby.
Locusts!
Come on, baby.
Locusts!
Locusts are only tough when
Locusts!
Locusts are only tough when
they're in groups, you know?
Locusts are only tough when
they're in groups, you know?
Radical, dude.
They're in groups, you know?
Radical, dude.
When they're alone, they're
Radical, dude.
When they're alone, they're
virtual cowards.
When they're alone, they're
virtual cowards.
Really?
Virtual cowards.
Really?
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Do you know what happens when a
Yeah.
Do you know what happens when a
science teacher falls and hits
Do you know what happens when a
science teacher falls and hits
his head on the curb?
Science teacher falls and hits
his head on the curb?
No, what?
His head on the curb?
No, what?
He becomes a janitor.
No, what?
He becomes a janitor.
Hey, w-would you, w-would
He becomes a janitor.
Hey, w-would you, w-would
you park it, chipmunk cheeks?
Hey, w-would you, w-would
you park it, chipmunk cheeks?
Vito!
You park it, chipmunk cheeks?
Vito!
What?
Vito!
What?
I don't have chipmunk cheeks.
What?
I don't have chipmunk cheeks.
Although I do know a boy who was
I don't have chipmunk cheeks.
Although I do know a boy who was
raised by squirrels.
Although I do know a boy who was
raised by squirrels.
Oh, yes.
Raised by squirrels.
Oh, yes.
And they wouldn't let him go to
Oh, yes.
And they wouldn't let him go to
school until he got his rabies
And they wouldn't let him go to
school until he got his rabies
sh*ts.
School until he got his rabies
sh*ts.
That's the story exactly.
sh*ts.
That's the story exactly.
Yes.
That's the story exactly.
Yes.
Baby!
Yes.
Baby!
I'm hurting, you know.
Baby!
I'm hurting, you know.
And I'm talking, you know?
I'm hurting, you know.
And I'm talking, you know?
There's this girl at work.
And I'm talking, you know?
There's this girl at work.
Well, actually, she really
There's this girl at work.
Well, actually, she really
doesn't work.
Well, actually, she really
doesn't work.
She sort of just sits there.
Doesn't work.
She sort of just sits there.
But she has the most amazing
She sort of just sits there.
But she has the most amazing
thumb.
But she has the most amazing
thumb.
Wow!
Thumb.
Wow!
Is it burlap?
Wow!
Is it burlap?
Hey, you gonna go on about
Is it burlap?
Hey, you gonna go on about
that dumb thumb story again?
Hey, you gonna go on about
that dumb thumb story again?
I am.
That dumb thumb story again?
I am.
Okay, then I'm out of here.
I am.
Okay, then I'm out of here.
You know, you're not the only
Okay, then I'm out of here.
You know, you're not the only
babysitter around.
You know, you're not the only
babysitter around.
These townhouses are full of
Babysitter around.
These townhouses are full of
them.
These townhouses are full of
them.
Fine!
Them.
Fine!
Yeah, well, fine!
Fine!
Yeah, well, fine!
Fine!
Yeah, well, fine!
Fine!
Fine you!
Fine!
Fine you!
Fine.
Fine you!
Fine.
Well, her thumb has glowed
Fine.
Well, her thumb has glowed
ever since she was hit by
Well, her thumb has glowed
ever since she was hit by
lightning.
Ever since she was hit by
lightning.
Wow!
Lightning.
Wow!
So, anyway, one day we were
Wow!
So, anyway, one day we were
out hitchhiking.
So, anyway, one day we were
out hitchhiking.
We were on our way to see the
Out hitchhiking.
We were on our way to see the
largest ball of twine in the
We were on our way to see the
largest ball of twine in the
world.
Largest ball of twine in the
world.
You know, it stands feet
World.
You know, it stands feet
high, and it weighs about...
You know, it stands feet
high, and it weighs about...
Three and a half tons.
High, and it weighs about...
Three and a half tons.
Yes, exactly.
Three and a half tons.
Yes, exactly.
Hey, we could see it on our
Yes, exactly.
Hey, we could see it on our
honeymoon.
Hey, we could see it on our
honeymoon.
Oh, that reminds me.
Honeymoon.
Oh, that reminds me.
I had a friend --
Oh, that reminds me.
I had a friend --
I asked you a question.
I had a friend --
I asked you a question.
Oh, yeah.
I asked you a question.
Oh, yeah.
I do.
Oh, yeah.
I do.
Fine.
I do.
Fine.
Now, gavin, do you believe that
Fine.
Now, gavin, do you believe that
if you were to inflate a dog
Now, gavin, do you believe that
if you were to inflate a dog
with helium that you could float
If you were to inflate a dog
with helium that you could float
it on the end of a string?
With helium that you could float
it on the end of a string?
I do.
It on the end of a string?
I do.
Good.
I do.
Good.
Then you may now kiss the bride.
Good.
Then you may now kiss the bride.
Now we'll kiss forever.
Then you may now kiss the bride.
Now we'll kiss forever.
Gavin, where's the remote?
Now we'll kiss forever.
Gavin, where's the remote?
Gavin, I asked where the remote
Gavin, where's the remote?
Gavin, I asked where the remote
was.
Gavin, I asked where the remote
was.
Gavin, where's the remote?
[ Motor whirs ]
Falling in love in paris is
Falling in love in paris is
such a cliché.
Falling in love in paris is
such a cliché.
I mean, it even happened to the
Such a cliché.
I mean, it even happened to the
"facts of life" girls.
I mean, it even happened to the
"facts of life" girls.
But clichés are so important in
"Facts of life" girls.
But clichés are so important in
a phony world.
But clichés are so important in
a phony world.
Take love, for example.
A phony world.
Take love, for example.
What is it but an allergic
Take love, for example.
What is it but an allergic
reaction to the proper lighting?
What is it but an allergic
reaction to the proper lighting?
[ Sighs ]
Reaction to the proper lighting?
[ Sighs ]
under the right circumstances --
[ Sighs ]
under the right circumstances --
and on the right dr*gs -- I
Under the right circumstances --
and on the right dr*gs -- I
could fall in love with a chair.
And on the right dr*gs -- I
could fall in love with a chair.
I did once, in miami beach, but
Could fall in love with a chair.
I did once, in miami beach, but
I didn't stand a chance.
I did once, in miami beach, but
I didn't stand a chance.
It was a corbusier, original.
I didn't stand a chance.
It was a corbusier, original.
Uhh!
It was a corbusier, original.
Uhh!
I spent one summer in paris.
Uhh!
I spent one summer in paris.
I'll never forget it.
I spent one summer in paris.
I'll never forget it.
I ran with a pretty fast crowd,
I'll never forget it.
I ran with a pretty fast crowd,
centre ville.
I ran with a pretty fast crowd,
centre ville.
There was sylvie, a prost*tute
Centre ville.
There was sylvie, a prost*tute
from pigalle, chloe from clichy,
There was sylvie, a prost*tute
from pigalle, chloe from clichy,
a hair sculptor, the marquise
From pigalle, chloe from clichy,
a hair sculptor, the marquise
nina de simones perrera
A hair sculptor, the marquise
nina de simones perrera
del bueno, and engelli, a pop
Nina de simones perrera
del bueno, and engelli, a pop
singer from senegal, and moi,
Del bueno, and engelli, a pop
singer from senegal, and moi,
todd vincent, american
Singer from senegal, and moi,
todd vincent, american
archaeologist.
Todd vincent, american
archaeologist.
Oh, hmm-hmm-hmm, that was my
Archaeologist.
Oh, hmm-hmm-hmm, that was my
nom de plume that summer.
Oh, hmm-hmm-hmm, that was my
nom de plume that summer.
I always travel under an alias.
Nom de plume that summer.
I always travel under an alias.
For all I knew, everybody was
I always travel under an alias.
For all I knew, everybody was
lying about who they were that
For all I knew, everybody was
lying about who they were that
summer.
Lying about who they were that
summer.
I'll never forget the day that I
Summer.
I'll never forget the day that I
met... Monsieur correcte.
I'll never forget the day that I
met... Monsieur correcte.
Mmm!
Met... Monsieur correcte.
Mmm!
His name was ferize.
Mmm!
His name was ferize.
He was the young tunisian who
His name was ferize.
He was the young tunisian who
delivered all the wine in the
He was the young tunisian who
delivered all the wine in the
latin quarter.
Delivered all the wine in the
latin quarter.
The first time I saw him, he was
Latin quarter.
The first time I saw him, he was
striding barefoot along
The first time I saw him, he was
striding barefoot along
rue madeleine, carrying a crate
Striding barefoot along
rue madeleine, carrying a crate
of beaujolais nouveau over one
Rue madeleine, carrying a crate
of beaujolais nouveau over one
shoulder like a pirate with his
Of beaujolais nouveau over one
shoulder like a pirate with his
booty.
Shoulder like a pirate with his
booty.
Black eyes, caramel skin, and
Booty.
Black eyes, caramel skin, and
the deed to my heart.
Black eyes, caramel skin, and
the deed to my heart.
I had to have him.
The deed to my heart.
I had to have him.
Tout la g*ng said he was
I had to have him.
Tout la g*ng said he was
straight.
Tout la g*ng said he was
straight.
But I don't care if you're from
Straight.
But I don't care if you're from
canada, holland, or togo.
But I don't care if you're from
canada, holland, or togo.
If you're gay and our eyes meet,
Canada, holland, or togo.
If you're gay and our eyes meet,
it's message received.
If you're gay and our eyes meet,
it's message received.
And his message said, "sister!"
It's message received.
And his message said, "sister!"
I figured since he was from such
And his message said, "sister!"
I figured since he was from such
a strict muslim family, he was
I figured since he was from such
a strict muslim family, he was
forced to stay in the closet.
A strict muslim family, he was
forced to stay in the closet.
Luckily they liked me.
Forced to stay in the closet.
Luckily they liked me.
His father thought I was a
Luckily they liked me.
His father thought I was a
woman.
His father thought I was a
woman.
Ha ha!
Woman.
Ha ha!
Ferize, on the other hand,
Ha ha!
Ferize, on the other hand,
was the first man that I've ever
Ferize, on the other hand,
was the first man that I've ever
known who thought that I was
Was the first man that I've ever
known who thought that I was
macho.
Known who thought that I was
macho.
Oh, I know what you're thinking.
Macho.
Oh, I know what you're thinking.
"What, was he blind?"
Oh, I know what you're thinking.
"What, was he blind?"
No, deaf.
"What, was he blind?"
No, deaf.
With me, hearing is believing!
No, deaf.
With me, hearing is believing!
But communication was no
With me, hearing is believing!
But communication was no
problem.
But communication was no
problem.
We communicated the way that I
Problem.
We communicated the way that I
always do -- with my hands.
We communicated the way that I
always do -- with my hands.
Ferize loved archaeology, so I
Always do -- with my hands.
Ferize loved archaeology, so I
hired him as my assistant at a
Ferize loved archaeology, so I
hired him as my assistant at a
dig I was conducting at a public
Hired him as my assistant at a
dig I was conducting at a public
toilet.
Dig I was conducting at a public
toilet.
Hmm.
Toilet.
Hmm.
Hmm...mmm.
Hmm.
Hmm...mmm.
We were looking for evidence of
Hmm...mmm.
We were looking for evidence of
a roman tea room.
We were looking for evidence of
a roman tea room.
And we found it.
A roman tea room.
And we found it.
One afternoon, my suspicions
And we found it.
One afternoon, my suspicions
about ferize and the ruin proved
One afternoon, my suspicions
about ferize and the ruin proved
correct.
About ferize and the ruin proved
correct.
We discovered an ancient scroll
Correct.
We discovered an ancient scroll
depicting alexander the great
We discovered an ancient scroll
depicting alexander the great
getting a hand job from his
Depicting alexander the great
getting a hand job from his
lover, darius.
Getting a hand job from his
lover, darius.
Ferize could read cuneiform, so
Lover, darius.
Ferize could read cuneiform, so
he translated.
Ferize could read cuneiform, so
he translated.
As he read the story, we both
He translated.
As he read the story, we both
became aroused under the hot
As he read the story, we both
became aroused under the hot
parisian sun.
Became aroused under the hot
parisian sun.
I grabbed at him through his
Parisian sun.
I grabbed at him through his
flimsy cotton pants and yanked
I grabbed at him through his
flimsy cotton pants and yanked
off his rope belt.
Flimsy cotton pants and yanked
off his rope belt.
We fell to the ground, signing
Off his rope belt.
We fell to the ground, signing
frantically.
We fell to the ground, signing
frantically.
Suffice to say I ate a lot of
Frantically.
Suffice to say I ate a lot of
figs that summer.
People always ask me, "buddy,
People always ask me, "buddy,
why is it you never fall in love
People always ask me, "buddy,
why is it you never fall in love
in toronto?"
Why is it you never fall in love
in toronto?"
Well, toronto is a great place
In toronto?"
Well, toronto is a great place
to raise a family -- or a
Well, toronto is a great place
to raise a family -- or a
plant -- but it's no place to
To raise a family -- or a
plant -- but it's no place to
fall in love.
Plant -- but it's no place to
fall in love.
You!
Fall in love.
You!
You're out of here!
♪ Learning not to yell ♪
♪ Learning not to yell ♪
thank you.
♪ Learning not to yell ♪
thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
"Seven presents"?
Thank you very much.
"Seven presents"?
Yeah.
"Seven presents"?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
, , , ...
Okay.
, , , ...
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
, , , ...
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ hodey oten day-o ♪
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ hodey oten day-o ♪
♪ hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ Hodey oten day-o ♪
♪ hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ seven birthday presents ♪
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ seven birthday presents ♪
♪ hodey oten boten bay ♪
♪ Seven birthday presents ♪
♪ hodey oten boten bay ♪
♪ hobey oten bay ♪
♪ Hodey oten boten bay ♪
♪ hobey oten bay ♪
♪ hey! ♪
♪ Hobey oten bay ♪
♪ hey! ♪
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ Hey! ♪
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ seven birthday presents ♪
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ seven birthday presents ♪
thank you.
♪ Seven birthday presents ♪
thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you very much, folks.
Thank you.
Thank you very much, folks.
"Form."
Thank you very much, folks.
"Form."
"Form."
"Form."
"Form."
Yeah?
"Form."
Yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah!
Yeah.
Yeah!
, , , ...
Yeah!
, , , ...
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
, , , ...
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ hodey oten day-o ♪
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ hodey oten day-o ♪
♪ hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ Hodey oten day-o ♪
♪ hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ filling out the form ♪
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ filling out the form ♪
♪ hobey oten boten bay ♪
♪ Filling out the form ♪
♪ hobey oten boten bay ♪
♪ hobey oten bay ♪
♪ Hobey oten boten bay ♪
♪ hobey oten bay ♪
♪ hey! ♪
♪ Hobey oten bay ♪
♪ hey! ♪
♪ Hobey oten boten bay ♪
♪ Hey! ♪
♪ Hobey oten boten bay ♪
♪ filling out the form ♪
♪ Hobey oten boten bay ♪
♪ filling out the form ♪
thank you.
♪ Filling out the form ♪
thank you.
Thanks very much.
Thank you.
Thanks very much.
Thanks, thanks a lot.
Thanks very much.
Thanks, thanks a lot.
Man, god.
Thanks, thanks a lot.
Man, god.
Come on, let's get 'em, let's
Man, god.
Come on, let's get 'em, let's
get 'em, let's get 'em.
Come on, let's get 'em, let's
get 'em, let's get 'em.
Oh!
Get 'em, let's get 'em.
Oh!
"Happy teeth."
Oh!
"Happy teeth."
No.
"Happy teeth."
No.
No?
No.
No?
It's not ready yet.
No?
It's not ready yet.
No?
It's not ready yet.
No?
"Coupon," yeah?
No?
"Coupon," yeah?
Let's do "coupon."
"Coupon," yeah?
Let's do "coupon."
Okay.
Let's do "coupon."
Okay.
, , ...
Okay.
, , ...
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
, , ...
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ hodey oten day-o ♪
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ hodey oten day-o ♪
♪ hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ Hodey oten day-o ♪
♪ hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ cutting out our coupons ♪
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ cutting out our coupons ♪
♪ hobey oten boten bay ♪
♪ Cutting out our coupons ♪
♪ hobey oten boten bay ♪
♪ hobey-oh -- ♪
♪ Hobey oten boten bay ♪
♪ hobey-oh -- ♪
hey, thanks a lot, man.
♪ Hobey-oh -- ♪
hey, thanks a lot, man.
Hey!
Hey, thanks a lot, man.
Hey!
Stay focused.
Hey!
Stay focused.
Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry,
Stay focused.
Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry!
Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry!
♪ Hobey oten boten bay ♪
Sorry!
♪ Hobey oten boten bay ♪
♪ hobey oten bay ♪
♪ Hobey oten boten bay ♪
♪ hobey oten bay ♪
♪ hey! ♪
♪ Hobey oten bay ♪
♪ hey! ♪
♪ Hobey oten boten bay ♪
♪ Hey! ♪
♪ Hobey oten boten bay ♪
♪ cutting out our coupons! ♪
So I get up to go eat
So I get up to go eat
something, but she sleeps till
Something, but she sleeps till
one!
One!
Oh, come on!
Oh, come on!
He's always so self-centered.
He's always so self-centered.
He doesn't see how much I do.
He doesn't see how much I do.
She even resents my puttering
She even resents my puttering
around the house.
I ask her how can she complain
I ask her how can she complain
about that.
I ask her how can she complain
about that.
I never complain!
About that.
I never complain!
That's not true!
Ow!
Ow!
Hey!
Ow!
Hey!
Aahhh!
Hey, is dinner almost ready?
Hey, is dinner almost ready?
I'm really starved.
Hey, is dinner almost ready?
I'm really starved.
Yep, here it comes, buddy.
I'm really starved.
Yep, here it comes, buddy.
Oh, yeah.
Yep, here it comes, buddy.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, man, does macaroni and
Oh, yeah.
Oh, man, does macaroni and
cheese smell great, huh?
Oh, man, does macaroni and
cheese smell great, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
Cheese smell great, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
Mmm!
Yeah, yeah.
Mmm!
You know, it's not too runny.
Mmm!
You know, it's not too runny.
It's not, uh, too crispy.
You know, it's not too runny.
It's not, uh, too crispy.
You know what?
It's not, uh, too crispy.
You know what?
I think it's just right.
You know what?
I think it's just right.
It's perfect, it's perfect,
I think it's just right.
It's perfect, it's perfect,
it's perfect.
It's perfect, it's perfect,
it's perfect.
Tell you what.
It's perfect.
Tell you what.
I'll make the macaroni and
Tell you what.
I'll make the macaroni and
cheese tomorrow night, okay?
I'll make the macaroni and
cheese tomorrow night, okay?
Okay, and then I'll make it
Cheese tomorrow night, okay?
Okay, and then I'll make it
the night after that.
Okay, and then I'll make it
the night after that.
Hey, but I get to make it the
The night after that.
Hey, but I get to make it the
night after that!
Hey, but I get to make it the
night after that!
Mmm!
Night after that!
Mmm!
Hey, listen.
Mmm!
Hey, listen.
Are you ready for the second
Hey, listen.
Are you ready for the second
course?
Are you ready for the second
course?
Oh, bring it on, bring
Course?
Oh, bring it on, bring
it on, bring it on.
Oh, bring it on, bring
it on, bring it on.
Mmm.
It on, bring it on.
Mmm.
Oh!
Mmm.
Oh!
I wonder what the poor
Oh!
I wonder what the poor
people are doing.
I wonder what the poor
people are doing.
[ Knock on door ]
People are doing.
[ Knock on door ]
who could that be?
[ Knock on door ]
who could that be?
I don't know.
Who could that be?
I don't know.
Come in!
I don't know.
Come in!
Hey, guys!
Come in!
Hey, guys!
Hi.
Hey, guys!
Hi.
Nice place you got here.
Hi.
Nice place you got here.
Thanks.
Nice place you got here.
Thanks.
I'm from the macaroni and
Thanks.
I'm from the macaroni and
cheese company, and did you know
I'm from the macaroni and
cheese company, and did you know
that the two of you have
Cheese company, and did you know
that the two of you have
consumed, in one year, over a
That the two of you have
consumed, in one year, over a
ton and a half of macaroni and
Consumed, in one year, over a
ton and a half of macaroni and
cheese?
Ton and a half of macaroni and
cheese?
Well, we eat it every night.
Cheese?
Well, we eat it every night.
Yeah.
Well, we eat it every night.
Yeah.
We know that.
Yeah.
We know that.
That's why we decided to donate
We know that.
That's why we decided to donate
to you boys, absolutely free of
That's why we decided to donate
to you boys, absolutely free of
charge, a -year supply.
To you boys, absolutely free of
charge, a -year supply.
Bring it in, dad!
Charge, a -year supply.
Bring it in, dad!
Come on, just sit it there
Bring it in, dad!
Come on, just sit it there
tight.
Come on, just sit it there
tight.
Here it comes.
Tight.
Here it comes.
Pinch me.
Here it comes.
Pinch me.
I must be dreaming!
Pinch me.
I must be dreaming!
Oh, my god!
I must be dreaming!
Oh, my god!
Hi!
Oh, my god!
Hi!
Nice place you got here.
Hi!
Nice place you got here.
Thanks.
Nice place you got here.
Thanks.
I'm from the ketchup company,
Thanks.
I'm from the ketchup company,
and we've been watching you.
I'm from the ketchup company,
and we've been watching you.
Our records show that you've
And we've been watching you.
Our records show that you've
eaten gallons of ketchup in
Our records show that you've
eaten gallons of ketchup in
the last year, each!
Eaten gallons of ketchup in
the last year, each!
Well, we eat it every night.
The last year, each!
Well, we eat it every night.
Yeah, even christmas!
Well, we eat it every night.
Yeah, even christmas!
Yeah.
Yeah, even christmas!
Yeah.
Bring it in, cloris!
Yeah.
Bring it in, cloris!
Oh, no, no.
Bring it in, cloris!
Oh, no, no.
Oh!
Oh, no, no.
Oh!
Oh, my god.
Oh!
Oh, my god.
It's all happening too fast!
Oh, my god.
It's all happening too fast!
Hey, enjoy the ride, little
It's all happening too fast!
Hey, enjoy the ride, little
buddy!
Hey, enjoy the ride, little
buddy!
Hey, nice place here.
Buddy!
Hey, nice place here.
Thanks.
Hey, nice place here.
Thanks.
Hi.
Thanks.
Hi.
I'm a scientist.
Hi.
I'm a scientist.
I'm with the loser research
I'm a scientist.
I'm with the loser research
foundation, and we've been
I'm with the loser research
foundation, and we've been
watching you guys with a lot of
Foundation, and we've been
watching you guys with a lot of
interest.
Watching you guys with a lot of
interest.
And according to our studies,
Interest.
And according to our studies,
with the amount of macaroni and
And according to our studies,
with the amount of macaroni and
cheese and ketchup you've
With the amount of macaroni and
cheese and ketchup you've
consumed, you've probably got
Cheese and ketchup you've
consumed, you've probably got
tapeworms about this big.
Consumed, you've probably got
tapeworms about this big.
Probably the ketchup.
Tapeworms about this big.
Probably the ketchup.
Macaroni.
Probably the ketchup.
Macaroni.
We didn't mean no harm!
Macaroni.
We didn't mean no harm!
Yeah!
We didn't mean no harm!
Yeah!
We just really dig the taste.
Yeah!
We just really dig the taste.
Did you really think you
We just really dig the taste.
Did you really think you
could eat that much garbage
Did you really think you
could eat that much garbage
without any side effects?
Could eat that much garbage
without any side effects?
Yeah.
Without any side effects?
Yeah.
Well, don't worry about it.
Yeah.
Well, don't worry about it.
Wheel it in, leachman!
Well, don't worry about it.
Wheel it in, leachman!
This is a -year supply of
Wheel it in, leachman!
This is a -year supply of
tapeworm food.
This is a -year supply of
tapeworm food.
Macaroni and ketchup...
Tapeworm food.
Macaroni and ketchup...
And tapeworm food?
Macaroni and ketchup...
And tapeworm food?
Man, we're set for life!
And tapeworm food?
Man, we're set for life!
Yeah, we're set for life.
Man, we're set for life!
Yeah, we're set for life.
We are!
Yeah, we're set for life.
We are!
Hey!
We are!
Hey!
This gives me an idea.
Hey!
This gives me an idea.
Hey!
This gives me an idea.
Hey!
Quiet!
Hey!
Quiet!
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
Quiet!
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ hodey oten day-o ♪
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ hodey oten day-o ♪
♪ hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ Hodey oten day-o ♪
♪ hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ fattening up our...
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ fattening up our...
Tapeworms ♪
♪ Fattening up our...
Tapeworms ♪
♪ hobey oten boten bay ♪
Tapeworms ♪
♪ hobey oten boten bay ♪
♪ hobey oten bay ♪
♪ Hobey oten boten bay ♪
♪ hobey oten bay ♪
♪ hey ♪
♪ Hobey oten bay ♪
♪ hey ♪
♪ hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ fattening up
♪ Hodey oten doten day ♪
♪ fattening up
our tapeworms! ♪
03x09 - Episode 9
Watch/Buy Amazon
The Kids frequently appeared as themselves rather than as characters, and some sketches dealt directly with the fact that they were a comedy troupe producing a TV show.
The Kids frequently appeared as themselves rather than as characters, and some sketches dealt directly with the fact that they were a comedy troupe producing a TV show.