02x05 - The Curse of the Seafaring Life

[bunniefuu]

STEDE BONNET: Alright, settle in.

Edward, AKA Blackbeard, has a few thoughts he'd like to share with us today.

Before he begins,

I will, uh, remind everyone it takes guts to own up to one's actions.

So, let's, let's hear him out.

(EXHALES) Wow. Okay. (CHUCKLES)

Didn't think I'd be standing before you again.

Certainly not under these circumstances.

I just wanted to start off by saying a big,

(DEEP BREATH) massive, heartfelt thank you for allowing me back into this community.

- (LUCIUS SIGHS)

- I will abide by the guidelines for staying aboard "The Revenge," including wearing this, um,

(CLEARS THROAT) super tight cat collar with a bell on it, so I can't sneak up on people.

No sneaking. He's gonna wear the bell.

Perhaps some of my actions, maybe all of my actions, perhaps me, myself, m-m-maybe

I've made some of you feel

- somewhat

- m*rder*d? sh*t?

- Tortured? Anxious? On edge?

- Okay. Hey, hey. (SHUSHES)

- Come on. Calm down.

- ARCHIE: Preach! All of that sh*t.

And whatever whatever

that nasty, dark stuff was

th-that, that, that brought

us here, it's in the past.

- (STEDE CLEARS THROAT)

- (EXHALES) Which is all I want to say,

at the end of the day, is we're

trying to move the culture forward.

- STEDE: Yeah.

- And I want you all to see this.

This here is a ship

and it's a space ship.

- (WHISPERS) Safe space.

- It's a safe space ship.

Wow. There it is.

Yeah.

Good landing.

STEDE: Deep. Very, uh,

intense and very brave,

I think you'll find. Any questions?

- Yeah.

- Roach.

ROACH: Did Buttons

really turn into a bird

or did you k*ll him?

He actually turned into a bird.

Ah. Okay. Okay, cool.

Still sticking to that one, huh?

Okay! Good.

We'll just leave it at one

question, I think, for now.

(DRAMATIC THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

JIM: (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)

Oh, no! No! Come on! Help me!

- (PIRATES LAUGHING)

- ARCHIE: (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Help! Help!

They're torturing (BLUBBERS)

- (LAUGHTER)

- (BLUBBERING)

OLUWANDE: Please, I have a family!

(LAUGHTER)

(MOCKINGLY) Ha-ha-ha!

So we're laughing.

Blackbeard's back and

we're all just back to it.

ARCHIE: Hey, bro,

that's what happens, ya know?

They just get away

with it and we move on.

FRENCHIE: Yeah, at least

he's wearin' the sack.

A-And the bell. That was my idea.

And he apologized.

I actually thought it

was pretty solid for him.

And yet, the words "I'm sorry"

were never mentioned.

Did anyone else clock that?

I've never heard an apology before,

so, to me, it was amazing.

Ah.

The bar is on the floor.

And you?

Are you happy with this?

With what?

Pirating?

Well this is a pirate ship

and I'm a pirate, so, yeah

I'm good with it.

You still mad he pushed

you off the ship, twatty?

(SPITS)

- (BELL RINGING)

- How long do I have to wear

this f*cking bell for?

Until the probation ends.

When's that? What, like, a day?

When the crew are

comfortable with you again.

And you're not doing insane things,

like sh**ting people's legs off.

So, it's, like, probably

more than a day for that.

I know it must be odd.

I'm sure you didn't

apologize for anything

- when you were Captain.

- Oh, f*ck no.

Apologizing? Nah, didn't

apologize for jack sh*t.

Then, I'm different and I'm not the

Captain anymore, am I? You are.

Yes, that's true.

But I haven't really felt it

since we got back on the ship.

Well then, say it.

You gotta own it. Say it.

- What? "I'm your Captain"?

- Give it more than that.

You are the Captain. Now, own it.

Come on, say it properly. Go.

I'm your Captain!

(CLEARS THROAT)

Wait, I can do it better.

I'm your Captain

and I demand respect!

Oh, boy.

- Please?

- Be the Captain.

What would you have me do, Captain,

to restore my reputation?

Go.

Right. Why don't you You can

(INHALES) We

Fit in more.

Got it, fit in more. Yes. Okay.

Yes, and be helpful.

- Oh!

- There's a lotta things that need doing.

- Good goal. Okay. Sure.

- So you could fix something

and stop pissing people off!

Right away, sir.

That was better.

Just need to work on your mean voice.

I will.

I'm Captain!

That's my chair!

That's the Captain's chair!

- FRENCHIE: Oy, shut up!

- Sorry!

BLACKBEARD: Hello, Mr. Latch.

It's not your fault you're broken No.

You didn't break you. (BLOWS)

Just trying to do your job,

weren't ya? (GRUNTS)

- (DOOR CREAKS)

- Alright.

Ooh. Ooh, yes. Ooh. (LAUGHS)

Very good. Oh. Oh, hey, friend.

(YELLING) Oh! f*ck you!

Um

I just fixed the door

latch. Do you see that?

Don't f*cking look at me.

Mm.

Yeah, I can tell you've

got issues with me.

Issues?

- What? Aah!

- (LOUD SPLASH)

You're a degenerate.

- Hm.

- You're sick. You're an actual psycho.

Right, yeah.

Uh, (INHALES) maybe

we could get through this

a lot faster if you just

let it all out in one go.

(SCOFFS)

There is nothing you

can do that would fix this.

I will let you push me off the ship.

Actually, that could be huge.

Yeah.

Lead the way.

(LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING)

- (HEAVY BREATHING)

- (GRUNTING)

Oh, so this is where

all my candles went.

And you've used the good ones.

Yep

I'm having to relearn

the basics with one leg.

(SWORD SLICING)

The basics? Huh.

I think my basics might be a

bit more basic than your basics.

Actually, it recently

occurred to me that

That you know nothing?

That you're a shitty Captain, yeah?

I don't know about that.

But Blackbeard did say

he credited you

with a lot of his skills.

Yeah, well, Blackbeard

says a lot of things.

But what did he say

about me s-specifically?

Well, specifically, he said

you taught him everything he knows.

- Made him the Captain he is today.

- Ah.

Perhaps I could learn at

the feet of one of the greats.

- (LEG THUDS)

- IZZY HANDS: Foot.

Oh, yes, foot. (CHUCKLES) Sorry.

(SWORD SLICES, CLANGS)

Ya know, maybe I could

teach even you a thing or two.

Punch me.

- Come on, punch me.

- Yep. Okay.

What hand do you want?

(STEDE GROANS)

- Oh, that hurt.

- IZZY: Rope swinging.

Looks easy, but everyone fucks it up.

- f*ck off.

- (STEDE YELLS)

- Put your shoulders into it!

- (STEDE GRUNTS)

(WAILS) Burning!

- Burn, burn, burn, burn!

- Gloves were a bit sh*t,

weren't they?

It's burning through the

gloves! Ah! (EXHALES)

IZZY: You're in the field.

Three men run at you

from there, there, and there.

Fire!

- Ooh, hit something.

- (CLANGS)

- Ah!

- (MAINSAIL FALLING)

- ROACH: No, no, no!

- STEDE: Oh, God.

Ow, come on!

Okay, so, you say,

"We're having a talent show."

It, mm, doesn't sound like me.

- Why would I say that?

- 'Cause we were having a talent show.

We were? Why were we having a talent

Shut up! Okay? Shut up and say the line.

(WIND BLOWING)

What was it again? (GRUNTS, YELPS)

- (LOUD SPLASH)

- Ah!

f*ckin' eat my sh*t, Blackbeard!

How does that feel, bitch?!

BLACKBEARD: Cold!

How do you feel?

Yeah. No, I feel I feel better.

BLACKBEARD: Lucius!

- I said, "Are you feeling better?"

- (SOFTLY) I feel better.

- I feel better.

- BLACKBEARD: Do you have closure?

Lucius

why aren't you answering me?

Do you feel better?

- Hey.

- Oh, hey, Fang.

- Whatcha doin'?

- Oh, not much.

Hangin' out on this ladder.

Part of my probation.

How's that going?

Pretty good, I think.

Hey! You wanna come with me?

- Yeah, may as well.

- I'm gonna catch some fishes.

- I'll jump from here.

- Yup.

Cannonball!

- (LOUD SPLASH)

- (FANG LAUGHS)

I think you're amazing fascinating.

- Go on.

- I've never met anyone with such

a total lack of skills.

- Oh.

- How you are still alive, I cannot say.

I do ask myself that question every day.

No, I mean, I've met

greater men than you.

You know, better fighters,

better sh**t, better, uh

Well, just better.

- Alright.

- But they were all k*lled.

And yet, here you stand.

I think being out

in the field is my thing.

It's like I blackout

and my body just takes over.

I b*at you in a duel.

- On a f*cking technicality!

- Uh, might've been.

I have no memory of it.

Regardless, I think it's

time to test my k*ller skills.

- (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

- Looks like we've got company.

(CREW YELLING)

♪

Oh No. Ugh!

- What happened here?

- Congrats, Bonnet.

You've picked the only

ship where everyone's dead.

- (CLATTERING)

- We've got a live one.

Uh, what are all these weird lines?

BLACK PETE: They must

be really into geometry.

- (PRIEST GROANING, SPITTING)

- Oh.

Um do you want a glass of water?

(STRUGGLING)

Estamos viajando al Vaticano

buscando un exorcismo.

He's saying this place is cursed.

Este barco no debe saquearse

JIM: If we stay, we'll be cursed.

Everything over there is cursed.

- (PRIEST CONTINUES)

- Everything over there is also cursed,

and if we touch anything, we'll be

- (PRIEST WHEEZES)

- Be what?

(CHOKES)

Okay, I'm out.

(SIGHS)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(EERIE VOICES WHISPERING)

Well hello there.

I mean, it's an absolute gem.

Bonnet, we've gotta go.

This place reeks of

dead priests.

Sure, but watch the flow.

- (SAILOR YELLS)

- What? (YELPS)

(SAILOR GRUNTS)

Izzy, did you see that? I did a punch!

- (CREW LAUGHING)

- (CHEERY MUSIC PLAYING)

- Here's to the perfect raid.

- CREW: Ay!

- Hey. Love the suit.

- Oh, that sh*t is decadent.

- Very Captain-y.

- Right? I know!

- It's cursed.

- (SCOFFS)

What? No, it isn't.

The priest literally said

that right before he d*ed.

Keeping that suit is playing

las maracas with the Devil.

- (SPITS)

- STEDE: Jim,

I'm sorry there was

only one velvety suit.

You're most welcome to borrow it.

Or, well look at it. (CHUCKLES)

So, I just turned around. I had this

You know you're gonna

have to burn that, right?

What? Why?

- Crew thinks it's cursed.

- (SCOFFS)

Izzy you don't believe

in curses, do you?

Me? No, of course not. But the crew do.

I've seen an entire command

gouge their eyes out on account of one.

Sounds to me like syphilis.

A curse is a curse.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

And once it takes hold

well

(MUSIC STOPS)

well, then it takes hold.

How does this look?

Kinda sultry, yet casual?

Yeah, I love that.

Love sultry, love caszh.

Let's do that.

Or do we do something more formal?

You draw me as like a steely lord.

Yeah, let's do that.

Babe?

Uh! Oh, yeah. No, I'm kind of

I'm sort of splitting the

difference between the two,

and it's, it's nice.

You're not even looking at me.

- You're looking through me.

- (SCOFFS)

What the hell is this?

Well, it's not what it looks like.

It looks like my body

with Blackbeard's face?

Okay. Well, it is

what it looks like then.

You said you got all

this outta your system

when you pushed him off the ship.

Oh, my God!

A flower?

- With Blackbeard's face on it?

- Well (SIGHS)

And a a doggie with

Blackbeard's face on it?

You have no f*cking idea

what I've been through.

What you've been through?

Dude! Blackbeard did this to both of us.

For weeks, I thought you were dead.

I cried every night.

I'd wake up in the morning

thinking I heard your voice.

Okay, yeah. Well, obviously,

I've underestimated some stuff.

I don't f*ckin' know.

Yeah, I guess you did.

Come find me when

Blackbeard isn't living

rent-free in your head.

And another thing!

You talk all the time

about how, how you almost d*ed.

But I never hear anything

about the fact that you lived.

(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

(JIM CHANTING)

(SIGHS) Alright, as long as no one breaks

the salt line, we should be safe.

- Ah, guys.

- (YELLING, HISSING)

- Oh, come on!

- Out! Out!

- Come on!

- Ridiculous.

- Shut the door!

- Shut the door!

- Cierra la puerta! (GROANS)

- Come on! We're doing a

- Oh, no. Stop it.

- Mm-hmm.

- That is unreal.

- Right?

Sweet, salty, sour, crunchy. Hm?

I'm going to call it "peanut paste."

Ah, gents, thanks

for your support earlier.

It's just really comforting to know

that there are men of science aboard

who can disregard such

idiotic superstition ideas.

- Oh, yeah. Hate, hate all that nonsense.

- Of course. Men of science.

Oh, by the way, Roach,

don't forget to leave

the leftovers out

for the fairies, though.

Alright. They did help the bread rise.

They do deserve their fair cut,

- right, Captain?

- You're absolutely right.

- FRENCHIE: Yeah.

- Always thank the fairies.

- FRENCHIE: Thank you, fairies.

- Ah, yes. That's yeast.

I think you're Doesn't matter.

Good.

Oh. You feel that

scratching on your brain?

- Huh?

- Scratchin' on

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

That's no good.

- (PANICKED) Am I okay?

- Okay

Captain's cursed. (SPITS)

BLACKBEARD: Hey, um, Fang?

- Mm-hmm?

- Can I ask you something?

Yep.

- You think I'm a d*ck?

- Of course, you're a d*ck.

(LAUGHS)

Is that not what you're going for?

- No, I'm assertive.

- Yeah, right. That's a d*ck.

Come on, man. No, we

You and me, we had

some good times, didn't we?

- Yeah.

- A lotta laughs.

Remember all the games we used to play?

Kn*fe Parade. Ay, remember that?

With the procession of knives.

And I remember me running down a hall.

(YELLS) "Come here, you little fucker!"

With the Kn*fe like that.

And you're like

(GIGGLES), you're laughing.

You were like, (LAUGHS) "No!"

- Running away from me.

- No, I-I-I wasn't giggling.

- (LAUGHING) Yeah, you were.

- No I was screaming.

(CHUCKLES) What?

I was screaming 'cause I

was scared. I was terrified.

I didn't like that game.

- You were scared?

- Hell yeah.

Oh, f*ck, Fang. I didn't

know that, man. I'm sorry.

- It's alright.

- f*ck, how come you're not mad at me?

I kinda got it out of my system

when we b*at you to death.

(FANG YELLS)

I did unthinkable things to your body.

Savaged it with punches, kicks, slams.

- Lots of crotch stuff and

- Okay. Yep, okay.

- That's enough.

- And you were like a rag doll

in these hands as I lifted you up

and then I'd smack you again

Fang, that's quite

enough. Okay, thank you.

- Thank you. That's enough.

- and again, and again, and again.

So, you and I, we're we're sweet.

(LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING)

Still mopin'?

♪

Flippin' the tables on Blackbeard

didn't quite numb the pain?

No.

Maybe we try what he did to you next.

What who did to me?

Blackbeard.

'Cause he chopped off your leg.

Don't know what you're talkin' about.

A shark did this.

Dangling my legs

over the side of the ship.

Served me right, too.

Okay, that seems healthy. (CHUCKLES)

Using a bit of fiction to help

cover up your trauma.

Yeah well

(BLOWS)

Not movin' on is worse.

Twatty.

(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

I actually love this.

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- What's all this?

(CREW GASPS)

A reckoning.

The moment you left,

Frenchie got hideous sores

all over his beautiful body!

Yeah, my eyes itch

and I wanna rip 'em out

and scratch the backs

of 'em, but I can't.

They're red like your suit!

He's clearly had an allergic reaction.

Frenchie, have you had peanuts before?

Oh, he's lying. He's blamin' the bean.

Olu, it's a legume. They can k*ll you.

Don't listen to the Devil Suit.

- It wishes to deceive us.

- ARCHIE: Mm-hmm.

Look. Wait. Come on.

Let's resolve this like adults,

who have a respect

for fine tailoring.

- att*ck! Give us the suit!

- (CREW YELLING)

Give us the suit!

Just let it go, man!

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(WHIMPERS)

Oh! They ripped my pocket.

Those f*ckin' barbarians.

A curse is a curse,

and once it takes hold

Oh, f*ck off!

♪

Rude.

Yeah, maybe I did too much.

- FANG: Mm.

- I took a man's leg, terrorized you.

I wasn't a good guy.

I'd like to make amends, but I just

Honestly, I wouldn't

even know where to start,

what to say to make things

better, how to even say it.

Ya know, there are

certain things I know

- I should be saying, but

- If, if I could

- where do I even be

- just make an observation.

You

you Do you think you

talk so much because

you don't wanna know

how to sit with yourself?

Ya know, I-I bet you're

You can't stay quiet long enough

to, to catch a fish.

Ya know, uh, just

- a bit, a bit

- Yes, like A bit? Oh, you want a bit?

- Yeah.

- Another game. Another one of our games.

- Okay. Bring it on.

- Shh.

Time for me to be quiet.

Watch this? I can be

quiet and catch a fish.

(WHISPERING) You

don't have to do that, Fang.

Shh.

I know what that means.

- I just want to

- Shh!

Yeah, but no. I'm

just saying that I just

(SOFT WHISTLE)

(SOFTLY) I'm being quiet.

(KISSES)

Everybody come out! The suit has gone.

Come on. Out you come.

Here we go.

It's locked away safely

where it can't harm anyone.

Clearly, I have been blind

to how this perceived curse

has affected you all.

If you believe the curse is real,

even if only through

the power of suggestion,

then there is validity

to your experiences.

So, you're saying the curse is real?

I'm saying the curse is real to you.

But your point is, it's real.

Uh

yes.

- Yes, it is real.

- (CREW EXCLAIMS)

- It is real. Okay?

- BLACK PETE: I knew it! I knew it.

So (SIGHS)

how do we destroy the suit?

Or have we moved on from that?

(ALL DISAGREEING)

I reckon, you get a

f*ckin' bunch of knives,

s*ab the sh*t out of it

and just see what happens.

Oh, imagine if it bleeds.

Let's get some ideas going.

What else is there?

When we found that priest,

he said not to take anything

before Stede defied him,

actively inviting the

Devil into all of our lives.

Ooh, that's it then.

We, we could just

We could just fob the suit

off to some other dummy.

- ROACH: Oh, yes!

- Uh, d-does that make us horrible people?

- Or does that make us smarter people?

- I think the latter.

- I think what you said.

- (ALL AGREEING)

Okay. Yeah. We've got some ideas.

(LAUGHTER)

That was some swanky

swordplay there, Izzy.

That's what I do.

And, Olu, that bit where

we fought back-to-back.

I know. It was wicked, innit?

How 'bout Archie

swingin' in on that rope, though?

Oh, yeah. I've wrestled pythons.

I used to be in a snake cult, so.

- Sure.

- (ARCHIE WHISTLES)

(YELLS)

(STERNLY) That is a warning.

Do not try this Captain again.

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYS)

What do you want from us?

Oh, what do we want?

- Black Pete

- (BLACK PETE CLEARS THROAT)

What do you think of this?

Go on, touch it.

Get a good hand feel on that fabric.

- Seems nice?

- Mm.

Wait, is it cursed?

- JIM: That's crazy!

- What?!

- What the

- No!

Who would think that?

There ya go. (CHUCKLES)

Good luck! No backsies.

- (LAUGHTER)

- ROACH: Hope you have garlic!

(OMINOUS VOICES WHISPERING)

BLACK PETE: Where are we going?

You're not gonna throw me

off the ship, are you?

(LUCIUS LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

Oh, my God, it's me.

I suppose I just wanted

you to know that I see you.

It's beautiful.

And you're right. I need to

celebrate the fact that I lived.

And to that end. (CLEARS THROAT)

(LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING)

- What are you doing?

- Um

I wanna spend the rest

of my life with, with you.

- Oh, my God!

- Is it weird?

- I'm being so f*cking weird. I'm sorry.

- Yes!

Yes to me being weird

or yes to the other thing?

Th-The other thing!

Yes, I wanna spend the rest

of my life with you!

(LUCIUS CHUCKLES)

♪

- Ah, I'll k*ll you.

- (LUCIUS LAUGHS)

And so, I started pulling this thing in,

winding it and reeling.

Man against beast. I'm the man

and the beast was beneath the sea.

- Yeah.

- So I pulled, and in the end

I triumphed.

- (STEDE GASPS)

- Behold.

- Oh, Ed, that's beautiful.

- Yeah.

What are your plans for it?

I'll probably just eat it.

Good plan. I like that.

- I like that shirt.

- Oh. This new thing? (CHUCKLES)

I had a whole suit, but it was cursed.

Long story, but I kept the shirt.

That wasn't a long story at all.

Well, I

Well you wear fine things well.

♪

Can we take it slow?

Yeah. Sorry, I

didn't I was thinking

No, it's alright. I just need

to, um (CLEARS THROAT)

- No, I know.

- (BLACKBEARD SIGHS)

We're whim-prone, as you said.

And

sometimes, it's nice just

to be patient and wait.

You can't catch a fish

unless the fish wants to be caught.

And you're the fish?

We're the fish, I guess.

Maybe I think?

(CHUCKLES) Okay.

What about this? Is this alright?

This?

Perfect.

("BABY" BY DONNIE

AND JOE EMERSON PLAYING)

(SOFTLY) You won.

Hey! Guess what I also found out today.

Fang's real name is

Kevin after his dad.

- STEDE: Really?

- BLACKBEARD: Kevin Senior.

- (STEDE CHUCKLES)

- So he's Kevin Junior.

And his dad is named

after another Kevin.

It actually goes back 400 years.

Been with that man for 20 years.

- Never thought to ask.

- STEDE: Why do they call him Fang?

BLACKBEARD: sh*t! Ya know, I

should've asked him that, too.

Yes, oh, baby ♪

Yes, oh, baby ♪

Sandy beach

and was makin' love ♪

As a tide moves in on us ♪

Feels so good

walkin' side by side ♪

Wanna be with you all my life ♪

Ooh, ooh, baby ♪

Yes, oh, baby ♪

Yes, oh, baby ♪

Yes, oh, baby ♪

Yes, oh, baby ♪

Yes, oh, baby ♪

Yes, oh, baby ♪

Yes, oh, baby ♪

(SNORING, GROANS)

(BLACKBEARD HUMMING)

BLACKBEARD: Here I am, being quiet.

Stop humming, be quiet.

I'm being quiet.

Look at you being so quiet.

Yes, I am being so quiet.

(TUG ON LINE)

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(GASPS) It's happening.

Oh, it's all go.

(SHARP EXHALE)

Oh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Fishing is happening right now!

♪

(LAUGHS)

(WHISPERING) Fang! Fang! Fang!