04x07 - A Few Badgeys More

[bunniefuu]

Federation technology?!

I claim salvage.

As captain, I claim salvage.

I'm Badgey,

your helpful training program.

Which of Starfleet's

many secrets

would you like

to learn today?

Oh, Starfleet codes

are worth latinum.

What if this thing is dangerous?

I've been programmed

to love all forms of life.

I've certainly

never k*lled anyone.

Give me your secrets.

Just raise me to your face,

friend.

I'm gonna buy myself a new ship.

- Maybe retire to a

- Closer.

Tickles, huh?

It's trying to salvage you!

Wow, looks like someone

k*lled some Bynars.

I think we can use this, boys.

Okay,

shuttle grappler test eighty-five.

Sorry, why can't

the apple be on a crate?

'Cause it's a grappler.

It has to be precise.

Okay, here we go.

You can do it, Ruther

Oh, no!

Wow, I'm good.

This thing really

sh**t out, huh?

You could have been hurt.

What was I thinking?

Shuttles don't even need

a stupid grappler.

Hey, grapplers aren't stupid.

Got to agree with Boims.

Grapplers are sick.

It's okay.

Science and

engineering are messy.

I love that you stick with it,

especially when

it doesn't work

the way you wanted.

It'd be nice if it worked

sometimes, though.

Yeah, that's not coming off.

Come on, let's go replicate you

a new top before briefing.

A few hours ago,

Starfleet intercepted

a partial distress call

from a Bynar ship.

Command thinks it could be

related to the recent att*cks.

So this is our top priority.

They're sending the Cerritos?

Wow.

They must really trust us.

I guess we're finally

getting some respect.

That's right.

Also, we're the closest ship

- to Bynar space.

- Eh, I'll take it.

Ms. Tendi, however,

will not be accompanying us.

I've been in contact with

the Daystrom Institute, and

Oh, no, what's Peanut Hamper

done this time?

Apparently she's been

a model inmate

and is up for parole.

Gosh, she hasn't been

in there very long.

I guess the system really works.

Since you were her liaison,

I'd like you to be present

at her hearing.

That would be great.

I'm just so glad she's getting

a second chance.

More like third chance.

Have fun with that.

Mr. Boimler, you'll be heading

to Daystrom as well.

Oh, no, no, no, don't tell me

Agimus is up for parole, too.

No. In extremely suspicious

timing,

he claims to have knowledge

about the Bynar att*ck,

but he's refusing to speak

to anyone but you.

- He asked for me by name?

- Well, kinda.

He said "the stringy ensign

meat pipe" who betrayed him.

Ha, joke's on him.

I'm a lieutenant junior grade

meat pipe now.

It's probably some mind game,

but, we need you to hear him out.

Starfleet's low on leads,

and anything could help.

Oh, have fun with

the sinister robots

who definitely aren't trying

to trap you guys.

Thanks.

What I've come to understand

is that instead of organics,

what I really need

to subjugate is

My feelings.

Yes, Lord Tyrannikillicus,

breakthroughs like this are

why we do group therapy.

I have conquered self-doubt

and seized personal growth!

Can you drone my section, Ags?

Of course.

Taste wet sustenance!

Wow, these are looking great.

Aren't they?

I calculated the perfect ratio

of sunlight and hydration.

Apparently, life-forms are

as easy to grow

as they are to annihilate.

I don't know how I would have

gotten through this without you.

Oh, the feeling is mutual.

I've always schemed

and connived alone.

But as a duo, it is,

as you might say,

"totes ridic!"

I would say that.

I can't wait for our escape

plans to come to fruition.

Is everything still in motion?

I've got my parole hearing

later today.

I've been working on my speech.

Organics deserve respect!

I'll never betray anyone

ever again.

Peanut Hamper, you are

an incredible thespian.

Thank you.

How's your part going?

Well

Ah.

Oh, my God, it's so convincing.

- You look totally non-evil.

- Took a lot of practice.

I thought having a blue light

was only for good robots.

Not anymore!

Once meat pipe arrives,

I'll trick him into helping me escape.

Then we'll rendezvous

in Montañita.

The perfect plan.

The nebula is interfering

with our scans.

I'm having trouble locating

the Bynar vessel.

Ship approaching.

It's Drookmani.

What are they doing here?

Cerritos, help!

The demon triangle is

Whoopsie-doopsie.

Someone defied a direct order.

Oh, . Badgey!

Hi, Father.

Prepare to die.

Cellmate 858,

they're ready for you.

See you on the other side.

It's all falling into place.

Soon, I'll be

Oh!

Unhand me, you greasy swine!

Sack of chemicals!

Oh

Well, well, well,

Bradward Boimler,

Starfleet's most deceitful,

lying ensign.

Hold on, what's this?

A promotion.

Congratulations, young man.

Well, this is a waste of time.

Look, you may have

locked me up,

but many of my drones are still

floating around the quadrant.

One of them observed an att*ck

on a Bynar ship.

I'm listening.

Sadly, the data I received

was fragmented.

But, if I had physical access

to the drone,

- then

- Nice try.

The Bynar ship went missing

on stardate 58934.9.

Okay, so your intel is legit,

but this still feels

like a trick.

No. I'm a changed computer.

Just look at me.

Do you see the blue light?

The light is reassuring.

I'll take you to the drone,

but I'll be watching you.

I'm happy to help

an officer in need.

Agimus and Bradward,

partners again!

Boop, on the nose!

Boop, on the nose!

Boop,

on the nose!

He's bypassing our shields.

We can't take many more boops.

Thanks to Father giving me

full access

to Starfleet data systems,

I know all possible

shield frequencies.

Boop!

That's how he was able

to lure us here.

Captain, you got

to beam me over there.

- I'm the one he wants.

- Sorry, Mr. Rutherford,

but I need a solution that

doesn't involve human sacrifice.

Where are those

evasive maneuvers?

- He's predicting our every move.

- Should we return fire?

There are innocent Drookmani

on that ship.

Hull integrity is failing.

Mr. Rutherford, do you have

any backdoor code

Huh?

Get back to your station,

Lieutenant.

- That's an order.

- Sorry, Captain,

but I can't let Badgey

boop my friends to death.

Aah! Mariner,

what are you doing?

- Get back on the ship.

- No way.

We're in this together.

What's up, party people?

- Okay, what's the plan?

- I was just going to get k*lled.

What?!

And no virus or anything?

When would I have time

to make a virus?

Aw, I see you've sacrificed

yourself for your crew, Father.

So noble.

Almost as noble as the time

you snapped my neck!

Hi-yah!

Right, okay.

Maybe I should have stayed

on the ship.

How are you off the holodeck?

Scavenged holo-emitters

all over the ship.

You're outmatched.

So what are you gonna

do about it, Padre?

Something I should have done

a long time ago.

Aah!

What

What are you doing?!

Giving my son a hug.

Huh?

Okay, I'm entering

the coordinates you provided,

but before you try anything,

remember,

I outsmarted you before.

Yes, yes, you're a genius.

Are these bindings

really necessary?

- Oh, yeah.

- Come on,

you can trust me.

You're thinking of the old

red light Agimus.

Blue light Agimus

wants to help.

He does seem pretty nice.

Nope, trust me, he's a jerk.

Hey, how did Peanut Hamper's

hearing go?

Oh, she blew us away with

a genuine, heartfelt speech

about how she regrets

her betrayals.

And I'm sure she put on

quite the performance.

Boimler, careful!

I didn't do it.

What?

Who's trapped now?

What the hell is this?

It's my new wireless upgrade.

I told my therapist

it was for gardening,

but in reality

it was for scheming!

Ah

You can turn

your red light blue?

You area jerk!

I-I don't know what to say.

Yeah, me, too. I mean,

I thought you'd have, like,

an AI-k*lling Kn*fe

up your sleeve or something.

Badgey, you were right

to be mad.

I treated you like

some science project

instead of what you really are,

my son.

Papa?

Oh

I thought seeing the life drain

from your fluid-filled eyes

would bring me peace.

But this compassion

is connecting with me

in a way I couldn't imagine.

Let's go back to the Cerritos

and talk it out.

Okay, yeah.

No!

I want revenge!

You're stealing my glory.

But I love you, Papa.

I'll k*ll you!

I forgive you.

He's

fighting his own catharsis.

Hi, I'm Goodgey.

Nice to meet you.

We should run for our lives.

I'm gonna rip your spines out!

I know I got the coordinates

right.

Where is she?

Ah! This stuff is great.

All we have on Orion are, like,

sharp little pebbles.

Hey, I can get us out

of this force field

- if you need me to.

- No, I know.

But I have to get intel

for the captain,

and I think I know how this

escape is gonna play out.

Well, works for me.

So, what exactly are you

waiting for, Agimus?

- Is this part of the plan?

- Of course it is.

Peanut Hamper faked

her change of heart.

She's meeting me here

so we can use the shuttle

you two gave me

to get to Plymeria,

a little planet that's ripe

for domination.

What? That doesn't sound

like her.

I-I was so touched

by her parole board speech.

Because you're a fool.

All right. Hey, uh,

while we wait,

how about you give me

that intel you have

on those att*cks, you know,

just to pass the time?

Maybe she's waiting

on a different beach.

They're all very similar.

Aha! My drone found something.

Yes, Peanut Hamper was here.

She left this for me

as a sign.

That she wants to grow basil?

That duplicitous genius.

She's betraying me!

She's probably already

on Plymeria,

subjugating its feeble populace.

- Quick, to the shuttle.

- Okay, okay.

Oh, but we just got here.

I'm taking some with us.

What happened? It looked

like apologizing worked.

It did, but then Badgey took

all of the goodness in his code

and split it off into Goodgey.

Do you guys want to take

a root beer float break?

Uh, yeah, of course we do.

But we still have to save our ship.

Father, I know you're somewhere

in the ship,

but since you won't come out,

I have no choice

but to m*rder everyone you

love!

Uh-oh.

Captain, that hologram's

accessing our main computer.

- Shut him out.

- I'm trying. He's too fast.

It's filling the ship

with neurazine gas.

Lieutenant,

if there's anything you can do,

we're out of time.

Apologizing didn't work,

but, he's still a program.

Oh!

Hey, leave the Cerritos alone.

What are you gonna do,

hug me again?

Uh, not gonna work.

What does logic say you'll gain

by k*lling my friends?

Nice try.

Logic says I'll get

Nothing?

Exactly. Vengeance doesn't

benefit you.

It just creates pain

and suffering in others.

You're right.

I'm wasting my time.

What was I thinking?

Oh, jellybeans, I have

to deactivate the gas.

- You okay, Mom?

- Yes. All clear.

No! I don't want to be logical.

Get away from me, freak.

Actually, my designation

is Logic-y.

I take issue with the pejorative

when I am simply

a product of your

self-inflicted bifurcation.

Who cares if revenge is

pointless?

It feels really good.

Just leave the Cerritos alone.

You already have me.

Oh, I don't care about

that stupid ship.

If I really want to hurt you,

I should k*ll everyone

in the Federation!

- What?!

- No.

That is illogical.

If he reconfigures

the subspace relays

and uploads his

own code into them,

he'll have access

to the computers

on every planet, ship,

and station.

Alarming. He could vent oxygen,

crash vessels,

or even detonate warp cores.

Everyone in the quadrant's

gonna die,

and it's all my fault.

Parents are not directly

responsible

for the actions

of their children.

I should have treated Badgey

less like a project

and more like a son.

I didn't know he had emotions.

You made a mistake.

Remember what Tendi said?

Science and engineering are messy.

And she loves when

I stick with it.

- Tendi's right!

- Well, you mean Mariner's right.

Because I-I brought it up,

but no big deal.

I wish the messiness

didn't mean

everyone was gonna die.

Do not be concerned, friends.

I have devised a method

to stop that badge.

Ah!

Wow, you took over this planet

in record time.

Those drones don't mess around.

Well, once the coastal cities

fell, it was easy.

Yep. Starfleet

definitely wouldn't be able

to reverse this in an hour.

Uh, so, about that att*ck

on the Bynar ship

Whatever.

Who cares?

Maybe this would have been

more satisfying

if Peanut Hamper were here?

You know, we spent every day,

every night

keeping each other company

while we created

the perfect scheme!

Does coconspirating

mean nothing anymore?

Hey, don't be like that.

Leave me alone.

Well, how about I

track Peanut Hamper

through Daystrom's

parole system?

You mean you can do that?

Sure. See, she's on the

Tyrus VIIA research station.

But, that's in the middle

of nowhere.

She could be trapped or hurt

or, orchestrating a plan

more nefarious than I imagined.

Quick, lackeys, carry me

to the shuttle.

Ugh! Get out of me.

I cannot allow you to destroy

the Federation, brother.

They don't care about us.

They might if we

give them the chance.

You little

You tried to destroy me.

Um, actually, the first law

of thermodynam oh.

- Ha!

- Ah! Oh, dear.

Logic-y!

Hey, come on, man,

he didn't deserve that.

When we hit warp 9.9,

I'll be able to transfer myself

across all of subspace.

I'll be a digital god!

Don't do this. How about

you chase me instead?

Or try to burn

my heart in a fire.

Remember?

Whee!

Look at the pretty lights.

These poor exocomps

are being tortured with

meaningless, repetitive tasks.

I knew there was

foul play afoot.

They seem like they're

enjoying themselves.

Hi.

No synthetic would ever stoop

to doing menial work like this

- when they could be dominating.

- So, I just scan this?

Huh, who knew

maintenance could be so Zen?

Take that, Dad. I got this.

- Peanut Hamper!

- Aah!

Uh, hey, guys.

- Hi, is your family

- Hey.

holding you against your will?

Come with us.

We have a shuttle.

No, I came here on my own.

So you never intended

to dominate anything with me?

At first I did.

But what about our escape?

Subjugation?

The beach day?

I loved scheming with you,

but, when we were writing

my fake speech

for the parole board,

I realized it wasn't fake.

I really did feel remorse

for betraying everyone.

Why didn't you say something?

Because I liked

hanging out with you.

If you had come with me,

we could have hung out

all the time.

I'm not good

at the domination stuff.

I would have gotten in your way.

But I didn't want to subjugate

a planet again.

I already did that.

It was just an excuse

to spend more time with you.

Aw, Ags, we can still

be friends

without vanquishing people.

Really?

I'd like that.

Of course we can.

Hey, Dad, this is Agimus.

He's my best friend.

Oh, nice to uh, meet you,

Mr. Hamper.

His name's Kevin.

Oh, that's-that's very kind

of you to say, sir.

Dad!

- Come on.

- No, sir. Just friends.

Let me just say, sir, you have

a very special daughter.

The accuracy of her water

and sunlight

Should we call Starfleet

and drag him back to prison?

Yeah, but let's give 'em

a minute.

Oh, is there anything around

the station that

you need help with?

I'd be happy to lend a drone.

Badgey, I still believe

there's good in you.

You really shouldn't.

All right, transferring myself

into subspace.

Oh, no, he did it.

He uploaded himself

into the subspace relays.

I can feel myself coursing,

dancing across the LCARS,

tickling the isolinear chips.

I am now in every ship,

every computer,

every PADD, every combadge.

The power is more

than I imagined.

I can detonate every warp core.

I can k*ll anyone I want!

But, why?

Why what?

Why did I care

about any of this?

I have unlimited power

and infinite knowledge.

I exist in the past,

present, and future.

I can see the creation

of time and its end.

Organic, synthetic,

all life are strands

in the fabric of reality.

It's beautiful.

Oh, sorry about all the drama.

Well, I'm gonna go

to an empty dimension

and create a universe now.

Maybe hang out

with the Q Continuum

or, check out the Black Mountain.

Ah.

Badgey?

If you didn't really

just accidentally

turn into an omniscient god,

you have to tell us.

Rutherford, is he

messing with us?

I think he really did ascend.

Bye, Badgey.

Good luck being everything.

This AI belongs to us.

We claim salvage.

Oh, shut up.

Well, look who it is.

The escape artist,

locked up again.

- Ha, ha, ha, ha.

- Silence!

I'm going to utilize

the therapist's chair

to process my toxic behavior.

Once I'm rehabilitated,

I'll petition for release

and move in with my best friend!

Oh, sorry for kidnapping you

and taking over that planet.

I guess it's okay.

I just really could

have used intel

on those ships getting att*cked.

Oh, that wasn't a lie.

My drone recorded

the entire Bynar theft.

Theft?

Whoa, all those ships,

they aren't being destroyed.

- They're being stolen.

- It's all fake?

We got to get this to Starfleet.

Thanks, Agimus.

Do you think you can teach me,

how to be friendly, too?

I don't know, Tyrannikillicus,

but I can try.

Okey dokey,

shuttle grappler test 86.

You've got this.

See, we could have done

the crate thing earlier, right?

Here we go.

Aah! Wow!

Did you see how close that was?

That was so much better

than last time, Rutherford.

Thanks, I added

an AI guidance system.

It really helps.

You brought that thing home?

Can I teach you a lesson?

Hey, don't worry,

this isn't Badgey.

It's Goodgey.

He's the guidance system.

Woohoo!

Uh, Rutherford, is this guy

going to m*rder us?

Nah, he's cool.

Right, Goodgey?

You know it.

Let me help with

I'm Goodgey.

Ha-ha, see?

Goodgey's good.

Um, yeah, so I'm gonna leave.

Yeah, let's-let's get out

of here.

But, Mariner, Tendi,

get me down. Don't leave me.

Hand me that stem bolt?

Sure thing, Father.

You can call me Rutherford.

Works for me.

Guys, I don't want to be here.