05x11 - Kate Lassos a Longhorn

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Here we are

Face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hoping to find

We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Making a go

Making it grow ♪

♪ Together

We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together

Taking the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things

You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons

Together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

[♪♪♪]

Okay. "Insert A into B."

B...

Got it.

"Now, place capstan C onto B."

Capstan...

Easy. Heh-heh-heh.

"Insert the three-quarter inch

cross brace

"onto the axle retainer bracket,

securing it

with a number seven set screw,

making sure

it does not protrude

beyond the sprocket cap

assembly."

What happened to A and B?

I don't know, Dad.

It's your toy.

You designed it.

It says here, it's so simple

a child can do it.

That's it. We need a child.

Hi, guys.

EDWARD: Hiya.

Have I got good news.

We're going to be doing business

with Billy Dawson.

Who's Billy Dawson?

The owner

of Toy-A-Rama of Texas.

Yeah, only the biggest chain

of toy stores in the country.

Edward,

I think I landed the account.

You're kidding,

we've never been able

to get our toys

into his stores.

Why?

Did you show him this one?

Anyway, I invited Billy

and his wife to dinner.

Tonight?

Uh-huh.

Dexter is bringing

the contracts

so if I can close the deal,

Old Billy will sign them

right here.

Well, if I can do

anything to help...

Oh, thanks.

You can come in the kitchen

and help Marie

peel potatoes.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

Hi, Rick.

Hi, Alfonso.

Boy, do I have something

to show you.

Yeah, what is it?

You won't believe it.

Ah...that's a...that's a...

Repeat after me...snake.

Repeat after me...goodbye!

Is Kate home?

Yeah.

Let's go upstairs and talk.

Come on.

Alfonso, where are you going

with that thing?

Alfonso!

He's a boa constrictor,

and his name is Alvin.

Alvin? Well, how do you know

it's a "he"?

He tried to make out

with your garden hose.

The kid who gave me the boa

told me it was a male.

Why is he giving it away?

I think it had something to do

with his father's heart att*ck.

Well, anyway,

I want you to keep Alvin

until I can talk my Uncle Dexter

into letting me keep him.

Are you crazy?

Your parents are cool

about things like this.

My Uncle Dexter faints

when he watches Wild Kingdom.

[CHUCKLES]

No way.

I promise I'll pick Alvin

up tomorrow.

Okay, okay. But look,

you're going to owe me.

Terrific. And, if he gets

hungry, he likes mice.

You'd better get used

to peanut butter and jelly.

[♪♪♪]

How does the table look?

Looks fine.

But I don't know why we can't

just take them out

to a nice restaurant?

Oh, well, I heard

they're down home people.

And I think they'll be more

at home with home cooking.

Now, you're sure that table

looks all right?

Looks down home to me.

Honey, relax.

Come on, you've been wooing

Dawson's assistant for months.

Oh, yeah, well,

that doesn't count.

Dawson is the one

who closes the deal.

He's the one who will say

"yea" or "nay."

Well, he's from Texas. He'll

probably say "yup" or "nope."

You want the white cheese

or the orange cheese?

We'll serve both.

Okay, it's your money.

Of course, if it were up to me,

I'd serve the white cheese.

This orange stuff you're going

to have to serve with Binaca.

[DOORBELL CHIMING]

Oh, my! They're here.

Let's go get 'em.

Edward, this is my deal.

Just promise

that you'll let me handle it.

Hey, you hooked him,

you reel him.

[SIGHS]

Thanks.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Mr. Dawson. Welcome.

And this must be Mrs. Dawson?

That's the little woman

all right.

Say hello to Kate, Dottie.

Hello.

Well, hi, please come in.

Here let me.

Here you go, young fella.

Thanks for the ride.

Uh, Mr. Dawson,

Dexter isn't the chauffeur.

He's our company treasurer.

Oh, sorry. No offense.

None taken.

Uh, here are the papers, Kate,

the contracts.

I think you'll find them

all in order.

Oh, aren't you staying

for dinner?

I'd like to, but I have

some work back at the office.

I'll be back

to pick up the Dawsons.

Oh, good. You can have

some coffee with us then.

I will. In the meantime,

I'll see if I can pick up

a few more fares.

Ciao, y'all.

Please come on in

and make yourself at home.

This is my husband, Edward.

Mrs. Dawson, Mr. Dawson.

Let's knock off the formality.

It's Billy.

Always been Billy,

right Dottie?

Yes, everyone calls you Billy,

Billy.

Okay, Billy, Billy.

[LAUGHS]

That's a good one, Eddie.

I must say it is a pleasure

to meet the man

behind Eddie Toys.

Well, it's...

Actually, I couldn't do anything

without Kate here.

I just develop the toys.

She does everything else.

Like they say...

Behind every successful man,

there's a little woman.

And Billy always gives credit

where credit is due.

Yesiree.

And this missus of yours

is cute as the back end

of an armadillo.

I've told her that many times.

Come on in.

Can I get you a drink?

Sure can.

Bourbon if you have it.

Oh. Texas milk, huh?

That's another good one, Eddie.

You're on a roll.

[LAUGHS]

A little milk for you too,

Dottie?

No, Dottie

doesn't drink bourbon.

Makes her barf.

Right, Dottie?

Well, yes.

Well, then, how about some wine?

No, get her one of those

diet drinks.

She's been having

a little trouble

getting over the fence

lately.

Oh, Billy.

Like I'm always telling her,

drinking is a man's job.

She's gotta stick to doing

what women do best...

like, uh, having babies.

Baloney. Or maybe it's ham.

Hard to tell.

Okay, Alvin.

I'll see you later.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, Alvin.

Come on, don't do this to me.

Here, boy.

Come on, Alvin, it's suppertime.

Please. Come on,

I'll do anything.

I'll even find you a mouse.

Oh, Alvin.

Alvin!

Hey, now, this is some place

you got here.

Oh, we like it.

Needs a couple of buffalo heads,

an antler or two...

Don't you think, Dottie?

I think it's fine.

Oh, she's just being nice.

She loves being nice.

That's nice.

So tell me,

how did you two meet?

Oh, it was a little cattle

auction about years ago.

I looked out over a corral

of heifers and, hoo!

There she was.

Oh, Billy.

BILLY: Yes, sir.

This little heifer

has made me one happy bull.

That's right. Keep smiling.

Rick, this is Mr. Dawson.

Hello, Mr. Dawson.

Call me Billy.

This is my wife, Dottie.

Yeah, pleased to meet you.

Kid's got the attention span

of a horse-fly.

So why don't we sit down?

No, don't sit.

Um, I think I misplaced

one of my darts.

You were playing darts

in the living room?

Did I say darts?

Rick, you want to tell us

what you're doing?

No.

[CHUCKLES]

Kids.

Well, you folks are in

for quite a treat.

You know, Kate's a gourmet chef.

I'm a meat and potatoes man

myself, right, Dottie?

Well, I figured that.

That's why I made Chateaubriand

and pomme de terre Lyonnaise.

What's that?

French.

Whoops!

Sorry.

I propose a toast.

To a long and lasting

business arrangement.

Uh, tell me,

are you planning on bringing

the kid into the business?

Well, as a matter of fact--

Speaking of business,

I'm sure that we'll be able

to negotiate an arrangement

that is beneficial

to both our companies.

Well said.

And after dinner, while you

and Dottie swap recipes,

your husband and I will sit down

and hammer out this deal.

Right, Eddie Boy?

Well, I think

what Billy's trying to say...

I said what I was

trying to say.

Then, let's get one thing

straight, Mr. Dawson...

Call me Billy, honey.

Why don't I call you--

EDWARD: Kate!

Let me help you and Marie

in the kitchen.

Boy, this whole family's

a little bit off the ranch.

[♪♪♪]

I don't believe that guy.

Honey, calm down.

I will not calm down.

He is such an oinker!

I mean, he actually called

his wife a heifer.

Well, he did call himself

a bull.

Don't you dare defend him!

I would never let anyone

call me a heifer!

I wouldn't dare, pussycat.

[LAUGHS]

Kidding, honey, I'm kidding.

You know, I don't think

he had any intention

of doing business with a woman.

Just remember how much

this means to you.

And by the time dinner is over,

you'll have him eating

out of your hand.

Well, that'll be a step up.

He probably eats off the floor.

[CHUCKLING]

Kids.

Would you like to sit down?

Rick?

Yeah, Dad?

Why are you acting so strange?

Dad, I don't think

you're going to like the reason.

It's pretty weird.

Try me.

You see, Dad,

Alfonso brought over

a boa constrictor.

A boa...

A boa--!

Where is it?

I don't know,

I've looked everywhere...

except under the table.

Under the table?

Will you two sit down

and join us?

Whatever the kid's got

must be contagious.

Are you two all right?

Yeah, fine, Kate.

Yeah, great.

Will you do the honors?

Yes.

Do we have a bigger Kn*fe?

So do you go to school,

young fella?

Yes.

Are you able to keep up

with the regular students?

I do fine.

Are you playing footsie

with me?

No, Billy.

[♪♪♪]

Rick,

what's the matter with you?

You've been wound up all night.

You hardly touched your dinner.

Marie, I don't want you

to get nervous or anything,

but there's a snake

in the living room.

Yeah. I don't know

how his wife puts up with him.

No, see,

I'm talking about Alvin.

He's a boa constrictor.

A bowl of what?

Well, that was some meal, Kate.

You really know your way

around a kitchen.

[CHUCKLES]

You want to pass those dishes,

Hopalong?

Marie, there's a piece of bread

on the floor.

That's right.

That's where

it's going to stay too.

Kate, Kate, I'll get it.

Don't have to. It's gone.

And so am I.

Maybe it'd be a good idea

to start

the business portion

of the evening now.

I'm ready.

How about you, Billy?

Oh, I'm ready and rarin' to go.

Good.

Sit down, Eddie.

Now I know you women like

to get involved in business,

but it's just not the way

things are done.

Well, our company

works that way.

I'm all for giving

women folk their due.

I even bought Dottie here

five television stations.

Didn't I, Dottie?

Yes. KTF-- KPLP-- KXRX--

That's right, Dottie.

So Eddie, let's talk about

getting a heap of your toys

into my stores.

Well, Billy, that would

be Kate's department.

That's right. I'm afraid you're

going to have to deal with me.

I don't know

what your problem is.

This deal is gonna give you

a heap of money

to go shopping with.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Honey, let's get those...

Those after-dinner drinks.

I don't want

an after-dinner drink.

Well...

I sure do.

I'll just uh...

I'll just get this

tablecloth off.

And pick up the crumbs.

I'll just wait up here,

if you don't mind.

[EXCLAIMS]

[SCREAMS]

Hey, boy, what're you

doing under there?

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah. And make sure those crumbs

don't get out again.

That boy is missing a boot.

Maybe I should

call the whole thing off.

How long have you worked

on this deal?

Six-and-a-half months!

That's a real long time.

You're saying

that I shouldn't call it off?

No, I'm not saying that.

The man is crude and obnoxious.

I'd like nothing better

than to throw him out

on his big, fat acc...ent.

[CLEARS THROAT]

But, honey,

this is your deal,

and you've worked

very hard on it.

I think, before you do anything,

you better just count to .

One...two...three...

That's my pussycat!

One...two...three...

That was very nice.

Yes, it was, Billy.

Hey, that was some spread.

You better be

talking about dinner.

So you talked some sense

into the little woman?

Yes, he did.

Well,

I guess it'll be okay

for me and Eddie

to put this deal to bed.

Billy, Billy--

Billy.

Since Kate has taken over

Eddie Toys,

sales have increased

percent.

She cut the overhead

by percent.

And our profit picture

is better than it's ever been.

So as president of Eddie's Toys,

if you want our toys

in your store,

you'll have to deal with me.

That was a mighty pretty speech,

little lady.

But it doesn't change the spots

on the cattle...

Billy, maybe...

No, no, Dottie.

I'm going to do business

with Eddie or not at all.

That's the most ridiculous thing

I've ever heard.

I set up this deal.

I did all the work and--

And you're a woman.

Now listen, Bully--

Billy...

Hon, please--

Ladies first.

Now, I don't know where you've

been hiding all these years,

but in case you haven't noticed,

we women

have come a long way, baby.

Wonders of wonders--

We even have the right to vote.

So when you call me a woman,

I consider that a compliment.

Well, now.

You are a feisty filly!

And you're a jackass!

What did you say?

I think you should sign

the contracts.

You what?

Well, my daddy did leave me

controlling interest

in Toy-A-Rama.

BILLY:

Now, now, Dottie...

Don't you now, now Dottie me.

If you don't sit down

and sign those papers,

you're going to spend

the rest of your life

as one unhappy bull.

But Dottie...

A lonely unhappy bull.

Do I make myself clear?

Dottie,

there's people over here.

And there's a lot more people

out there.

And I'm gonna tell them all

about it on KTF, KPLP, KXRX...

But Dottie...

Here, use this.

KATE:

Uh...

[CHUCKLES]

Well, here I go again...

spoilin' her.

Well,

this has been some evening.

I've had better.

I haven't.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[DOORBELL CHIMING]

Well, I'm back.

Did I miss anything?

Well, for starters,

Kate closed the deal.

That's great, Kate.

I couldn't have done it

without Dottie.

Can't thank you enough.

I should be thanking you.

Come along, Billy, honey.

Ain't she something?

Goodbye, now.

Are we leaving already?

I guess I'll have

my coffee later.

Wait a minute, Dex.

Uh-oh. He's back.

Would you please

give this to Alfonso.

Oh, of course.

Yeah, Dex, and if I were you,

I wouldn't open that

till I got home.

Now you've aroused

my curiosity.

Goodnight.

Goodnight. Thank you!

See you.

Uh-huh. Bye-bye.

Thank you!

Bye.

Goodnight.

[SIGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

Well, honey,

I'm proud of you.

You've made me

one happy bull.

You...

So, what was in that box?

[DEXTER SCREAMS]

Nothing.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]