05x16 - Author, Author

[bunniefuu]

♪ Here we are ♪

♪ Face to face ♪

♪ A couple

Of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find ♪

♪ We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go ♪

♪ Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find

Our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time

Each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things

You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons

Together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ We're gonna find

Our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find

Our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

More coffee, Dexter?

No, thank you, Kate.

I'm shaky enough.

What's wrong?

Oh, Kate, I'm a wreck.

I can't sleep.

I can't eat.

I can't even tabulate.

Don't tell me.

You're in love.

Worse.

I'm going

to be interviewed

for the Long Island

Business World.

That's an important

magazine.

They're gonna put me

on the cover.

That bothers you?

Of course!

They'll follow me around,

wanna quote me,

interview people who know me.

Like whom?

Like youm.

Well,

you don't have to worry.

I'll say wonderful

things about you.

Really?

If you can't lie

for a friend...

Just kidding.

Just in case you run short

of things to say,

here's my bio with a few choice

phrases you may want to use.

Off the cuff,

of course.

Of course.

Where's Edward?

They may want to talk

to him too.

He's out back showing Rick

some basketball moves.

Oh, great. Just when I need

to talk to him.

Why don't you go out

and join them?

It might relax you.

Oh, no.

I don't play basketball.

You don't play basketball?

No, and I don't

tap dance neither.

[CHUCKLES]

[♪♪♪]

Yes!

Foul!

What?

Come on.

You got me on the arm.

All right. Come on. Defense.

All right!

You traveled.

Oh, Dad, come on.

Rick, want me to give you a tip?

What?

Never argue

with your dad.

Come on, if you want

to make the team,

we gotta do your inside sh*t.

Okay.

Come on. Come on.

Yes!

[GROANS]

Well, Rick, you made it,

but come on, now, that's no way

to sh**t a hook sh*t.

You didn't extend your arm,

you know.

You gotta let it roll off

your fingertips, like that.

With a nice backspin.

Dad--

Let me show you

what I'm talking about.

Nice sh*t, coach.

Yeah. Did you see

that backspin?

That's what I was

trying to show you.

Now go get the ball.

Did I get it in?

Yeah.

All right!

Hey! You're that new guy

that just signed

with New York.

[STAMMERING]

You're Gary Stafford!

Gary Stafford!

Yeah. That's right.

I'm your new neighbor.

Wow! I heard somebody leased

the Carlisle place,

but I expected

somebody older.

And shorter.

This is a real pleasure.

My name is Edward Stratton.

This is my son Rick.

Hi.

You already know my name.

This is outrageous.

The Gary Stafford.

The hottest rookie in pro

basketball is my neighbor.

Our neighbor.

In college, Gary scored

the winning basket

against Louisville

as the buzzer sounded

from feet out.

Uh... .

Wow!

While he was double-teamed.

Double wow!

And in his junior year,

he broke all conference

scoring records.

I think I found a fan.

[LAUGHS]

Yeah. Welcome

to the neighborhood.

If you ever need anything--

A cup of sugar...

My car...

My wallet...

Well, thanks very much.

And if you need anything...

As a matter of fact,

I've been having some problems

with my hook sh*t.

It's not exactly

a problem.

I just can't do it,

that's all.

Well, uh...

Rick...

Dad.

Have you got some time

right now?

You are going

to coach me?

Wait till I tell

the guys at school.

Wait until I tell

the guys at the office.

All right. Hook sh*t.

The thing to remember

is to extend your arm.

Uh-huh.

When you sh**t the ball,

let it roll real gently

off your hand,

so you put backspin

on it.

[CHUCKLES]

Of course.

I hate to say this,

but you know, I told you

the same thing.

Yeah, but Dad, he knows

what he's talking about.

[♪♪♪]

No, no, no, Kate.

None for me, thanks.

Oh, all right.

I'll take some.

What, are you

on a special diet?

No. You see, Gary says milk

doesn't carry

the crucial amount

of electrolytes

that an athlete needs.

So I'm starting

my morning with...

Gatorade.

Just like Gary, huh?

You bet, just like Gary.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

I'll get it.

Maybe I'll start

my morning with...Gatorade.

Hmm?

[CHUCKLES]

All I hear out of Rick's mouth

is Gary, Gary, Gary.

Honey, I think it's healthy

for Rick to have a hero.

I remember I loved

my hero so much,

there wasn't a night

I didn't sleep

without my

Mickey Mantle glove.

So that's what that was.

When I met you,

I outgrew it.

Ah.

You know something?

I remember feeling that when

Mickey was doing great,

I was doing great.

And when he

wasn't doing great?

Kate, you're talking

about Mickey Mantle.

There was never a time

he wasn't doing great.

Never.

Ever.

Ever!

I'm so glad you outgrew it.

Yeah. Sure, Rick.

Gary Stafford

lives next door.

If you don't believe me,

just hang around.

He's coming over.

Right, and I'm Dr. J.

Yeah, and I'm Dr. Ruth.

You guys think

I'm making this up?

No. We think

you're lying.

What would a basketball star

be doing out here?

A guy with that money would have

a swank pad in the city

where he could go hunting

for babes.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

Huh.

Hi, Rick.

RICK: Hey.

How you doing, Gar?

Fine. Fine.

Who are your friends?

Let me introduce you.

Would you boys

like that?

[CHUCKLES]

Thought you would.

This is Alfonso,

Jeff and Eric.

This is my friend

Gary Stafford.

Hi.

Do they talk?

Listen, Rick, I just happen

to have a couple of tickets

for tonight's game

against the Lakers.

You want them?

Are you serious?

Yeah. Now, listen,

if you need a ride,

be over at my place

at : , okay?

See you later, guys.

We should talk

like this more often.

See you, Rick.

Thanks, Gary.

Bye.

Look, guys, there's no fair way

I can decide who goes.

I thought you

might want a ride

in my Mercedes.

Then you wouldn't have

to have Gary pick you up early

and hang around talking

to the basketball players

before the game.

On second thought,

maybe you should take

one of your friends.

After all, I've got to get

the fishing gear ready

for our big

fishing trip tomorrow.

Okay.

Okay.

See you guys.

Okay, I've got the solution.

We'll go out to the hoop

and play some ball.

The one with the most baskets

in half an hour

gets the second ticket.

All right? Let's go.

Just remember who got you

through algebra.

Alfonso, I got you

through algebra.

Let's not get technical.

Come on.

[WHISTLING THEME TO

THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW]

Aah!

Oh... Aah.

Hey, Dad.

EDWARD: Hey.

Boy, did you miss a great game.

Dad, Gary scored points.

I know.

I was listening.

Of course, it wasn't the same

as being there.

Anyway, after the game,

Gary introduced us to the team.

He even got a couple of towels

for Alfonso and me.

Look! This is the very towel

they used

to wipe the sweat

off the floor.

Wow! Did you get me one?

No, but I'll talk

to Gary for you.

You know, Dad,

he's one terrific guy,

and he acts like

an ordinary human being.

Amazing.

I'm glad you had a good time,

but you better hit the sack.

We're gonna get up at the cr*ck

of dawn and catch the big one.

Oh, no.

What, oh, no?

Dad, I... I can't go.

What do you mean,

you can't go, Rick?

We've been planning this trip

for weeks.

Gary said he'd coach me

on some moves tomorrow.

He does that every day.

Not at Madison

Square Garden.

You're going to practice

at Madison Square Garden?

Yeah. That's because

his schedule's so tight.

Dad, I'm lucky to get

any time at all.

With his help, I'm a shoo-in

for first string.

You understand, right?

Madison Square Garden?

Look, Dad, maybe we can

go fishing next week.

Well, yeah, I guess so.

If the lake

isn't frozen over.

Great! We'll spend the whole

week together next week.

Yeah?

Yeah.

See, that's when Gary

goes on the road.

Great.

Aah!

Aah!

Ow!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Aah!

[♪♪♪]

Oh, hi, Dexter.

Hey!

Come on in.

Oh, thank you.

This is Arlene Milton,

editor of Long Island

Business World.

I don't know

if I mentioned it to you or not,

but Arlene's doing

an article on me.

It's very nice to meet you,

Arlene.

Well, it's nice meeting you too.

Dexter speaks very highly

of you.

Oh, Dexter's always giving

praise to everyone but himself.

[CHUCKLES]

Now, now, Kate,

you're the driving force

behind Eddie Toys.

See what I mean?

If truth be known, whatever

success we've had at Eddie Toys,

we owe in large part

to Dexter.

Isn't she wonderful?

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

It's not often the president

of a company

would be so generous in giving

credit to an employee.

Oh, well,

Dexter is hardly an employee.

Dexter's the nuts and bolts

that holds our

company together.

Mm.

If you ladies

will excuse me,

this nut has got

to go to work.

Besides, uh, I'd only

get embarrassed

hearing all these compliments,

even if they are true.

[KATE CHUCKLES]

See, all that talent

and a sense of humor.

Mm.

Please. Come on in.

Would you like some tea?

Yes. Thank you.

So how long have you been

Dexter's boss?

Oh, two years.

Ever since I became president

of Eddie Toys.

Wasn't it in the past two years

that Eddie Toys

become one of the fastest

growing companies

in the industry?

Well... Yes. I guess

you could say that.

[♪♪♪]

How did the interview go?

Oh, fine.

I just told her

how terrific Dexter is

and much we rely on him.

So you lied, huh?

Edward, what are you doing?

I'm making my tuna casserole

for dinner tonight.

I know.

Hey, Dad.

What are you

so excited about?

Guess what blond relative

of yours

made first cut

on the basketball team?

Um, Aunt Harriet?

Very funny, Dad.

I'm talking

about yours truly.

[CHUCKLES]

Congrats!

Thanks!

Not so fast.

I've still got to make

final cut, guys.

Tell us all about it.

Come on. Sit down.

Let me know all the details.

Yeah. Just give me

a little time.

I've got to go tell Gary.

At least he

told you first.

'Cause he bumped into me

on the way to see Gary.

You said it was healthy

for him to have a hero.

That's when the hero was me.

It's a terrible thing

to grow up, isn't it?

Yeah. I was kinda hoping

I wouldn't have to.

[♪♪♪]

Try this coffee.

I got a new blend.

I knew you

wouldn't like it.

No, Kate. It's not the coffee.

Listen to this. "Gary Stafford,

star basketball player,

was stopped

for reckless driving

on the Long Island

Expressway."

Oh, that's terrible.

Well, it gets worse.

"A search of his car

revealed a small amount

of narcotics."

Oh, no.

"A spokesman

for the team

announced that Stafford

has been suspended

pending a review."

Good morning, guys.

Hi, Rick.

Hi, bud.

Hey, Dad, let me have

the sports section.

I want to see what

Gary did last night.

In that case, you want

to see the front page.

Front page?

What did he do,

score points? Ha-ha!

[♪♪♪]

All right! Larry bird!

Or is it big bird?

Ha!

What are we

playing here, bud--

One on none?

Huh?

You'll never make

the team like that.

Let's try your jump sh*t.

Come on.

I got ya! I got ya!

Come on, boy! Come on!

A smurf could have

blocked that sh*t.

Want to try it

with a little lift?

Yeah, Dad, I don't feel like

lifting today, okay?

If you keep playing

like this,

they're not gonna let you

on the team.

Not even gonna let you

in the gym.

Dad, it's not the end

of the world

if I don't make

the basketball team.

What?

In fact,

I've been thinking,

I'm not going to even bother

showing up for the final cuts.

I thought your dream was to be

a basketball player.

Well, I changed my mind.

Now I want to be a cowboy.

So it's Gary, huh?

Gary who?

Your friend...

who happened to screw up.

Oh, him.

Just 'cause he let you down

doesn't mean

you have to

let yourself down.

Dad, I'm not

letting myself down!

I'm not interested in playing

a dumb sport with a basketball.

Come on, Rick.

That's no attitude.

You're able to roll

with the punches.

I'm going to get myself

a glass of milk.

Since you're not

drinking it anymore,

get me some Gatorade.

All right.

[KNOCKING]

Yeah. Come on in.

Hey, Rick.

How you doing?

Oh, not so bad.

What's up with you guys?

Oh, nothing.

We just heard your friend Gar

was going about

miles an hour...

Without a car.

[CHUCKLES]

Very funny, guys.

You did say he was gonna break

all kinds of records.

Yeah. We didn't know

you meant

on the Long Island Expressway.

They're still ticked

because they didn't get a towel.

Alfonso, would you please

show these guys out.

Sure.

How about your

upstairs window?

If Gary jumped

out a window,

he'd go straight up.

Hi.

Hi.

Thought you were Rick.

You just missed him.

I guess you've heard

the news, huh?

It's kind of hard to miss.

I was hoping

I could talk to Rick.

I've tried to call

a couple of times.

I know.

I wanted to tell him

I'm going into a rehab program.

I won't be around

for a while.

Well, that's good to hear.

I mean,

about the rehab program.

Thanks.

Anyway, I just wanted

to let Rick know...

I must have let him down.

I think you did.

Hey, Dad, I got you

a soda 'cause--

'Cause I forgot I threw out

the Gatorade.

Rick, I think

Gary wants to talk to you.

Dad,

I've got homework--

Just take a second.

Rick.

Gary,

I'll see you around.

Good luck.

Thanks.

So, Rick, uh...

I'm not gonna be around

for a while.

Yeah. I read about

the rehab program.

I'm sorry I let you down,

Rick.

[SIGHS]

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I...

Just wanted

to let you know.

See ya.

Gary, why did you do it?

Why did you ruin everything?

I don't know!

It was a dumb thing to do...

Stupid...

Idiotic...

Imbecilic...

Feel free to stop me

whenever you want.

I know this sounds crazy,

Rick,

but actually, I consider myself

a very lucky guy.

Lucky?

Yeah.

I got caught right away.

All right.

Almost right away.

But I guarantee you

something.

I'm never gonna let

anything that stupid

happen to me again.

Yeah?

I mean it.

Honest.

Friends?

Friends.

All right.

So, uh...

Make the final cut yet?

No. The final cuts

happen this Friday.

You, uh, still want

some pointers?

Well, hey,

if I want to make the team...

All right.

Here we go.

All right.

Pointer number one...

All right.

When guarding someone

bigger than you...

Yeah?

Oh, hey!

Don't ever

let your guard down.

[♪♪♪]

All right.

Here it is.

I don't want you

catching cold.

Honey, I'm a fisherman.

I never catch cold.

Or fish either.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Dexter isn't exactly

the fishing type.

How did you

convince him?

I promised I'd put his worm

on the hook for him.

[DOORBELL CHIMING]

You're going to wear that

in a rowboat?

I'm too upset to go fishing.

Oh, what's wrong?

Long Island Business World

magazine came out today.

That's right.

How was the article?

I've never read such

a glowing report in my life.

Oh! Must've been all those

nice things that I said.

Yes, I just wish

you'd said them about me.

What?

What are you

talking about?

This.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]