05x18 - Hero Worship

[bunniefuu]

♪ Here we are ♪

♪ Face to face ♪

♪ A couple

Of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find ♪

♪ We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go ♪

♪ Makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find

Our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ Takin' the time

Each day ♪

♪ To learn all about ♪

♪ Those things

You just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons

Together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ We're gonna find

Our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find

Our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

Rick, I gotta tell ya, that was

the best speech I ever gave.

Brad, you're not gonna become

student council president

by telling people

you're a good kisser.

I got Nancy Kellner's vote.

Look, Brad, I don't

have time for this.

My mom's gonna be here

any minute.

When I agreed to become

your campaign manager,

you said you would

stick to the issues.

And I have.

Brad, coed locker rooms

are not an issue.

I got the football team's vote.

Come on, Brad. We have

hours until the election.

Can we get to work?

Yeah, you're right.

I really want my acceptance

speech to be good.

I'd worry more about Peter

Hasting's acceptance speech.

You think that wimp can b*at me?

What does he have

that I don't have?

An intelligent platform,

a . grade point average

and he's star

of the basketball team.

Yeah, but can Peter Hastings

do this?

Are you gonna be home

for dinner?

Oh, Marie,

we don't know yet.

Rick's mom is dropping by

on her way from the airport.

We might all eat out.

Maybe we'll eat in

or maybe--

Like I figured,

I'll be the last to know.

Hi, honey.

Hi.

Notice anything different?

Oh, gee, I hate

questions like that.

You got your hair cut?

No.

[GASPS]

You shaved off your beard.

Look at me, Edward.

I'm not nervous

about your ex-wife's visit.

Hey, good for you.

Yeah.

I made up my mind

I'm gonna remain calm,

cool and collected.

I owe it all to Haji Rahaji.

Gesundheit.

No, Haji's

my yoga instructor.

I know that.

You really think you'll keep

Evelyn from upsetting you

by closing your eyes

and going omm?

Absolutely.

Since I started meditating,

I am able to control

my emotions,

no matter how stressful

the situation.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

She's here! She's here!

I'll be all right. Let her in.

[EDWARD CLEARS THROAT]

Evelyn.

Katie.

Edward.

Evelyn.

Let me hang this up

for you.

What brings you to town?

I'm here on business.

Business?

Buying out Bloomingdales?

Oh, Edward. Stop that.

Women like to buy

pretty clothes.

Not all of us.

Excuse me, I'll let Rick know

that you're here.

Evelyn,

you are unbelievable.

I know.

Omm.

Omm.

I'm going to k*ll her.

Don't you want to know

why I'm in New York?

I have a feeling

you're about to tell me.

I'm here because

I wrote a book.

[LAUGHING]

No, seriously.

I am serious.

You wrote a book?

Yeah. The only thing

I saw you write was a check.

There's that

Stratton wit again.

So, what is this

masterpiece about,

the history of the

American Express card?

No. It's what the critics

call a torrid, romantic novel.

Really?

It's about a woman like me,

who's sensitive,

kind, and caring.

Fiction, huh?

Part of it.

But I drew a lot

from personal experience.

Oh.

You see, it's the story

of a beautiful,

young socialite

and her stormy relationship

with the irresponsible son

of a rich industrialist.

Like me?

A lot like you.

You did say

this was fiction?

Did I?

So you're in town seeking

potential publishers,

knocking on doors, seeing

if anybody will read it?

The book's coming out

in two days.

Two days? Like in

the day after tomorrow?

That's right.

I'm just here

to do a little book signing.

Oh.

Uh, Evelyn, this character

in the book--

The irresponsible son

of a rich industrialist--

What happens to him?

Oh, he gets just

what he deserves.

I hate books like that.

Hey, you're here.

Richard.

I'm gonna go see

how Kate's doing.

Hi, Mr. S.

It's great

to see you, Mom.

It's great to see you too.

Mom, this is

Brad Langford.

Hello, Brad.

Hi.

Would you like to wear

one of my campaign buttons?

"Another broad for Brad."

Brad.

Yeah?

Go home.

Honey, don't you see?

The book is about

Evelyn and me

and our glorious

six-day marriage.

Oh, Edward, I think

you're letting

your imagination run wild.

Not as wild

as Evelyn's.

She can say

things about me.

About my personal habits,

my little quirks...

Our honeymoon.

What about

your honeymoon?

Nothing.

I gotta get a look at that book.

RICK:

Dad! Dad, come in here!

Dad, look at this.

Mom wrote a book.

She's got her picture

on the back and everything.

That's really

terrific, son.

[CHUCKLES]

Toss that over here

a minute.

Why, Edward!

You wouldn't want

to take my only copy?

Of course not.

But you will let me

read it, won't you?

Of course.

Just as soon as it's

in the stores.

Well, Dad, don't feel too bad.

Mom says I can't read it

till I'm .

Look at the time.

This has been fun.

I must be off to my hotel.

You're not leaving yet,

are you?

You just got here.

Rick's been looking

forward to this visit.

Rather than

disappoint him,

why don't you stay here?

What?

Evelyn wants to visit

with Rick, right?

Well, I suppose I could stay

for one night.

Wonderful.

Terrific.

I'll get your luggage

and take it upstairs.

Thanks, sweetheart.

Yeah, I'll take

your book--

Your bag--

Your briefcase.

No, Edward.

You've done more

than enough for me already.

[♪♪♪]

Hey, Dad.

Morning, Kate.

Dad, are you okay?

You look like

you didn't sleep at all.

I had a few things on my mind.

Yeah?

What sort of things?

I'll tell you when you're .

Aren't you late for school?

Yeah, I've got to go.

I have to write Brad's speech.

It's not easy keeping the words

down to one syllable.

Good luck.

Yeah. You too.

Edward, you tossed

and turned all night long.

You wouldn't sleep either

if somebody wrote

a book about you.

[SCOFFS]

Aren't you overreacting?

I don't know.

I haven't read it yet.

Time is running out.

Listen to yourself.

You're letting Evelyn

get to you.

You've got to know

how to handle her.

Oh, and how do you do that?

Good morning.

Goodbye.

Good morning, Edward.

Did you sleep well?

Like a baby.

Safe and sound.

Good.

Well, I'm off to meet

my publishers.

They're trying to get me

on a talk show.

To talk about the book?

Yes. In detail.

So how do I look?

Uh... Great.

That-That outfit makes you

look very mature.

Mature?

I'll be right back.

I forgot my gloves.

Well, they're not

in that briefcase.

They're not.

I'm sure they're not.

I'll see you at work.

Okay, honey. I've got

a few things to do here first.

Edward?

I looked in the mirror,

and I look fabulous.

Oh. Sorry. My mistake.

Uh-oh.

I've got to run.

Edward, I hope all my readers

are as anxious as you are.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Baby, baby, baby, ow ♪

Marie!

What are you

doing home?

I came home to take a nap.

In the middle of the day?

I guess it pays to be the boss.

♪ Baby, baby, baby, ow ♪

[PHONE RINGS]

Yeah, hello.

No, Evelyn's not here.

Okay, I'll take a message.

Mm-hmm.

Tell her she's

definitely booked on the--

Oprah Winfrey Show?

Yes, I will give her

the message.

Oprah Winfrey.

Now the whole country's

going to think I'm a jerk.

[♪♪♪]

Yes, it's all true.

Isn't that awful?

Isn't that

just pitiful?

I want to thank you

for letting me tell my sad story

to your millions

and millions of viewers.

Mm-hm.

Now this ex-husband

of yours--

Is he still at large?

Oh, yes.

He's the chairman

of the board of Eddie Toys.

I don't think anybody's buying

Eddie Toys anymore,

are you, audience?

AUDIENCE:

No!

Now tell us some more

about this turkey.

Well, he's an extremely

private person

who lives at

Mockingbird Lane,

Shallow Springs, Long Island,

and he hates

getting phone calls

at - .

That's area code , - .

Anybody going to forget

that number?

AUDIENCE:

Never!

All these terrible,

nasty, horrible things

happened to you

in just six days?

That's right.

The six worst days

of my whole life.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

And the nights?

Well, you read the book,

so you know

about the nights.

How would everybody here feel

about taking a live look

at this despicable creature,

Edward Stratton?

AUDIENCE:

Yeah!

It took a little

sweet-talking,

but we got him here.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

All right,

throw that scum out here!

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[AUDIENCE BOOING]

Well, Mr. Stratton,

I suppose you'd like to tell

your side of the story.

As a matter of fact--

Shut up!

Now sit down!

Not there!

Over there!

Let's have another look

at that book.

You want to hear

that passage again

about how they

ran him out of town?

AUDIENCE:

Yeah!

No! No! No!

No! No! No!

No! Please, no!

No! No! No!

Edward, wake up.

No! Aah! Aah!

You've been dreaming.

Dex!

Oh.

She was awful.

Who was awful?

Oprah Winfrey.

You dream about Oprah Winfrey?

So do I.

What does she wear

in your dream?

It wasn't that kind of dream.

It wasn't even Oprah.

It was Marie.

You dream about Marie?

So do I.

It was crazy, Dex.

It was all about

Evelyn's book.

You mean this book?

Yes, that book!

Where did you get that?

From a client of mine

who knows the publisher.

Have you read this?

Have I? Twice.

There's a character in here

that bears an amazing

resemblance to you.

Oh, great!

It's a pack of lies, Dex!

There's not a shred of truth

in that book.

You mean

you're not, uh...

"The greatest lover

in the world"?

Let me see that.

I underlined

the good parts.

You know,

Evelyn's not a bad writer.

"He stared at her with eyes

that spelled danger."

Gosh, I never knew

Evelyn was so perceptive.

Wait until

you see page .

Get a load of that.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

[♪♪♪]

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

I got it.

Hey, Brad,

how did the election go?

Not too good.

Look, Brad, you'll get over it.

Everybody loses

now and then.

Loses?

I won!

You won?

Well, then why so miserable?

Do you know that

the student council

meets after school

every day?

Well, I--

I just wanted

to come by and say

thanks a lot for destroying

my whole life.

Oh, hi, Brad.

How did the election go?

I'd stay and tell you,

but I'm late

for a meeting.

Oh, where's your father?

I have no idea. Last I saw him

trying to nap on the couch.

Oh. How did he look?

Terrible.

Worse than last month

when he had the flu.

Well, the flu was easy

to get rid of.

It's gonna be harder

to get rid of--

Hello.

Mom.

How did

the publishers go?

Wonderful. They're

doubling the printing

and talking about a movie.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Rick, don't you have

some homework to do?

Kate, if you wanna

talk to my mom alone,

just ask me to go upstairs.

All right. Will you

please go upstairs?

Fine. I had homework to do,

anyway.

You're having quite a day,

Evelyn.

Yes. I can hardly wait

to see the expression

on Edward's face.

You're really enjoying yourself,

aren't you?

You're making

Edward's life miserable.

Really?

Thanks to you, he can't eat,

he can't sleep,

and he can't--

Well, never mind.

All because of what he thinks

you said about him in that book.

The book is not about him.

It's not?

Look, the character

happens to be a fantastic,

romantic, continental lover.

Oh.

So it couldn't possibly

be Edward.

Evelyn, fun is fun,

but you've got

to tell Edward

the book

isn't about him.

Kate, I've got to pack.

Evelyn...

Oh, all right.

I promise I will tell him

before I go.

Thank you.

'Cause I-I'm really

concerned about

how worried

and depressed he is.

Mon cherie.

Edward?

Don't talk.

You read the book.

I glanced at it.

Oh...

Ooh! Edward!

Forget the book.

Look at these.

Tickets!

To a Broadway show

this weekend.

After which, we check

into the Plaza,

maybe have

a candlelit dinner.

Oh...

Maybe some romantic music.

Come to think of it,

forget the show.

Yeah.

Unless, of course,

you have other plans.

Oh, well, if I did,

I'd change them.

I hate to break this up,

but I must be off to my hotel.

Edward's taking me

to the Plaza this weekend.

Good. I'll be at the Waldorf.

I'll be in traction.

By the way,

there's something I must

make clear to you, Edward.

No! There's nothing

that you have to make clear.

What do you want to make clear?

Nothing.

Don't you want me--

No!

Um...Edward, sweetheart,

why don't you help Rick

take Evelyn's bags

out to the car?

No problem,

baby.

Would you mind explaining

why you stopped me

from telling the truth

to Edward?

Well, it's very simple,

Evelyn.

Edward got a copy of the book

and he was so thrilled

to think that he was the hero,

I couldn't

hurt his feelings.

And?

And I'm dying to spend

a romantic weekend

at the Plaza Hotel.

Why, Kate,

that's the most sly,

devious, underhanded thing

I've ever heard.

There's hope for you yet.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]