05x23 - Edward's Big Adventure

[bunniefuu]

♪ Here we are, face to face ♪

♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪

♪ Hopin' to find

We're two of a kind ♪

♪ Makin' a go, makin' it grow ♪

♪ Together

We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together

Takin' the time each day ♪

♪ To learn all about those

Things you just can't buy ♪

♪ Two silver spoons together ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ You and I ♪

♪ Together ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ We're gonna find our way ♪

♪ Together ♪

[♪♪♪]

Ah!

And...

[ELECTRONIC BEEP]

[LAUGHS]

Hey, Dad, did I just hear

another "Fijjit Wijjit Fanfare"?

You sure did. I just put

another one together.

Another one?

That's amazing.

I haven't even come close

to putting one

of them together.

Well, son, you know

I've always had a certain

hand and eye coordination,

depth, visual, perception.

You also invented

the stupid thing.

Well, it helps...

[DOORBELL RINGING]

I'll get it.

You know, Dad,

I've never seen you

so excited about

one of your toys.

Hey, I've never had a toy

that was such a big hit before.

You know our commercial,

"Get with it...

Fidget with

a Fijjit Wijjit."

Mr. Edward Stratton?

Uh, no, he's right in here.

Come on in.

You're Edward Stratton?

Yeah. That's me.

This is for you, sir.

Oh, what is it?

A summons.

A what?

My client, Derek Marshall,

is suing you for $ million.

What?

$ million?

Dad, what did you do?

It is our contention

that your Fijjit Wijjit

is a direct rip-off

of my client's Goofy Kube.

That's impossible.

I invented the Fijjit Wijjit

all by myself

in the Eddie Toys Lab.

I swear.

You'll get your chance

to swear in court.

Oh, this is terrible.

My company has sold

millions of these.

My wife is going

to Washington

to negotiate

the foreign rights today.

A lawsuit's gonna

ruin everything.

Is there anything

my dad can do?

Well, there is one thing.

Um...

You could take this lawsuit

and all correspondence

relating to it.

Yeah?

Put it all in

a brown paper bag.

A brown paper bag?

Then swing it over your head

and cackle like a chicken.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

April Fools!

Dad, we got you.

[LAUGHING]

Hook, line and sinker!

You dirty, no good...

Dad, this is Larry.

He works

in the butcher shop.

Oh.

I thought

I smelled pork chops.

Oh, I'd better get to work.

Well, Larry, thanks a lot.

You were great.

Oh.

Any time.

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHING]

I don't believe you went

to all that trouble

to pull

an April Fools' joke.

Oh, come on, Dad.

After how you got me last year.

Itching powder

in my Jockey shorts.

Yeah. That was great.

[LAUGHING]

Well, just remember,

April Fools'

lasts all day long.

Well, thanks for telling me

because now I'll be

watching out for you.

There's no way

you're gonna get me, Dad.

Yeah. We'll see.

No, no, no. No way.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, I'm on my way.

Here's a number where

I can be reached.

Okey-doke.

What are you going to do

tonight while I'm gone?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe I'll catch up on my

reading, watch a little TV.

If you get lonely,

give Dexter a call.

Or maybe you could call

one of your other friends.

Yeah.

Maybe I'll pull out

my little black book.

It's hard to read

a little black book

with two black eyes.

Like I said,

I'll watch TV.

[♪♪♪]

Hey, Rick!

There's a letter here for you!

RICK:

Oh, come on, Dad.

I'm not gonna fall

for that old gag.

It's not an April Fools' joke.

It's a letter.

It is?

A little suspicious,

are we?

Well, Dad, do you blame me?

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, bud, since

Kate's away tonight,

why don't you and me

take in a movie together, huh?

We could go down to that place

with eight movies in it,

the Octiplex.

Uh-uh. No, no, no. Dad, I'm not

fallin' for that trick.

The what?

The old "Take 'em down

to the Octiplex

and drive away" trick.

No way.

Will you stop this?

I just want to spend

some time with my son.

Well, Dad, I can't tonight,

really. I'm awfully busy.

Well, what if I tag along?

I'm going down

to the mall with my buddies,

you know, pick up girls.

Great! When do we leave?

Dad?

Just kidding.

Okay.

You go ahead.

Have a good time.

I'll be fine.

Well, okay, then.

See you later, Dad.

[WHISTLING]

I don't know how

to play the piano!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

People!

[LAUGHS]

Dex, hey, am I glad

to see you!

Well, it's nice

to see you too.

Listen, I just came by

with these papers for Kate.

Will you see that she gets

them as soon as she returns?

Sure will.

What's your big hurry, guy, huh?

Why don't you

hang around a while?

Come on, we can make

a night out of it.

Hey, we haven't

done that in ages.

Done what?

You know, sat around

in our undershirts,

drank some beer,

watch wrestling

on the tube.

Well, I sort of

have a date.

No problem. Bring her over.

Oh, she'd love that.

The three of us, sitting around

in undershirts drinking beer.

Yeah.

That wouldn't be

so good, huh?

[SCOFFS]

Well, have a good time.

I'm planning on it.

[CHUCKLES]

You know what I'm gonna do?

This is a good

opportunity for me

to call a bunch

of my old pals.

You know, I got guys

I haven't seen in years.

A Rolodex full of them.

That's the spirit, Edward.

Reach out and touch someone.

That's what I'm gonna do.

Alrighty. Alrighty.

Let's see here.

Let's start right in

on the A's.

Anderson! Joe Anderson!

Boy, haven't seen him

in years.

Zabreskie.

Yeah. Hello? Is this

the Zabreskie residence?

Zack?

Hey, this is Ed Stratton.

Hey! How ya doin', buddy?

Yeah?

You doin' anything tonight?

Are you busy?

I'm not either.

Hey, what was the name

of that little jazz club

that we used to hang around in

over in Freeport?

The Mellow Note!

That was the one! Yeah!

You wanna meet me there?

You wanna have a couple

of drinks?

We could listen

to some cool jazz.

Wh...

Eight o'clock?

I'll wait for you.

Okay, yeah,

there's always something

fun happening

at The Mellow Note.

[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Giving all your love

To just one man ♪

♪ You'll have bad times ♪

♪ And he'll have good times ♪

♪ Doin' things

That you don't understand ♪

Boy, this place has sure

changed in the last years.

Life has changed.

What are you having?

Oh, uh...

[STAMMERING]

Brandy Alexander. Thanks.

How come I'm not surprised?

Maybe I'll just have a beer.

♪ And if you love him ♪

♪ Oh, be proud of him ♪

♪ 'Cause after all

He's just a man ♪

Oh, thank you.

You know I used to come

in this place and...

Hi.

I'm Darla.

You wanna play?

Huh?

Pool.

Pool!

[CHUCKLES]

No, no, thank you. I'm...

I'm waiting for someone.

Aren't we all.

Can I buy you a drink?

Uh...

No, thanks,

I'm drinking this one.

Then why don't you

buy me one?

Oh, sure, sure. Uh...

Here, what are you drinking?

Just a Perrier,

with a double sh*t

of vodka.

How you doing?

Ah...

Wanna play

a little eight ball?

A dollar a game.

A buck a game?

Sure.

You win again.

[SIGHS]

That's what? Uh, $ .

I'm afraid so.

You're fast, Eddie.

"Fast Eddie."

Great nick name.

Now hey, come on,

you keep practicing,

you're gonna get there.

I could feel myself getting

better as we're playing.

It's gonna take

a little more...

I know I could b*at you.

Well, now...

Let's up the stakes.

Your funeral.

Eight ball, corner pocket.

You owe me bucks.

Yeah. Ahem.

Unless you want to make it

double or nothing?

No, no, no.

No, I think I'll just, uh...

Settle up right now.

That's strange.

I can't find my wallet.

Now, wait a minute.

Now I put my wallet

in my jacket.

And I took it off

to play pool

and I put it right here

on this chair next to...

Darla.

Darla. Where's Darla?

Oh, great.

Lost your wallet.

Gee, that's too bad.

Yeah.

For you.

[♪♪♪]

Now, no, no, wait a minute,

wait a minute.

Come on, guys.

We can work this out.

We're reasonable men.

Aren't we?

Of course we are.

[CHUCKLES] Of course.

You give me my money,

and Jake here doesn't stuff

you in a corner pocket.

No, no, no.

Look, I'm good for it.

Come on. Honest.

I'm Edward Stratton III.

And I'm Henry VIII.

Off with his head.

I've got the money.

Where?

At home.

In my safe.

And I suppose you want us

to let you leave,

so you can go get the money

and bring it back here.

Perfect! And I won't be more

than minutes.

Oh.

I don't think so.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, fine, fine. Uh...

Could I make a phone call?

Even the police

let you do that.

Be my guest.

Thank you.

Could I borrow a quarter?

How could

you be so stupid?

We were this close to getting

somewhere with those girls.

Hey, I gave them

my best line.

Brad, that wasn't

a good line.

Hey, "Yo, babes,

you wanna go mud wrestling?"

[PHONE RINGING]

Brad, I'll get it.

Hello.

Rick! Thank God

you're there.

Dad?

Yeah, I was afraid

you'd still be out, son.

Oh. no, we're home early,

thanks to Brad.

So where are you?

I'm over in Freeport. At a bar

called "The Mellow Note."

Now listen, would you do me

a favor, son?

A favor?

Yeah. See, this woman

stole my wallet.

A woman stole your wallet?

Yeah, and I want you

to go to the safe

and get out $ .

[LAUGHS]

Four hundred dollars?

Yeah, son,

just get the money,

bring it over

to The Mellow Note.

It's at Chapman Street.

Dad, should I put this

in a brown paper bag

and cackle like a chicken?

What?

You know, Dad,

you've got to get up

pretty early in the morning

to pull one over on the Ricker.

Listen, Ricker...

Look, Dad, it was a nice try,

but better luck next time.

[DIAL TONE HUMMING]

Rick!

Rick!

Kids.

My son. He thinks I'm playing

a practical joke on him.

You know, April Fools!

[CHUCKLES]

We play jokes on each other

all the time.

This morning he sent the butcher

to give me a summons.

[LAUGHS]

Of course I didn't know

it was the butcher.

I should have known.

He smelled like pork chops.

Anyway, I decided that

if we're gonna have--

Enough! You're giving me

a headache!

There's got to be

a simpler solution.

I agree.

Break his fingers.

What? No! Wait, wait, wait.

I'm meeting someone here,

Zack Zabreskie.

He'll give me the money.

Start with his thumbs.

No, no, no, no.

Please, let me... Let me make

another phone call.

I can't do that

with broken fingers.

Okay. Go ahead.

And let's not make this

an all-night affair.

Thank you.

Listen, I didn't want

to call you.

You're my last hope

and these guys play rough.

It's only $ ,

so if you would just...

[DIAL TONE HUMMING]

Hello.

Some friend.

That was my father.

There he is. Zack!

[LAUGHS]

I told you he'd be here.

Go ahead.

Right. Hey, Zack!

Am I glad to see you, buddy!

Nice to see you too,

Edward.

Boy, you look great!

You haven't changed a bit.

[CHUCKLES]

You mean I'm still bald.

Come on.

I never thought of you

as bald, old buddy.

So how's business?

Good.

How's Sheila?

Fine.

Can I borrow $ ?

What?

Zack, I know this sounds

a little crazy,

but you see

those guys over there?

I owe them some money.

Oh.

So that's the reason

you called me up

after all these years.

What?

No, no, Zack,

this happened

after I called you.

I promise. I swear.

Well, I'm not surprised

you're broke.

If anyone was going

to squander a fortune,

it was going to be

Crazy Eddie.

I'm not broke!

I didn't squander anything.

It was a pool game.

Oh, of course! Gambling.

Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm.

Many a million

has been lost that way.

It was only $ .

And that's all I need.

Four hundred,

now come on, Zack.

Do it for an old friend.

I'm not giving you

the money.

What? You what?

It's the only way

you're going to learn.

Yeah, but-- But--

You can't go through life

expecting people

to bail you out.

I'm not, Zack, I'm...

You'll thank me

for this later.

No, I won't, baldy!

Time's up.

Now, wait, wait.

Okay, now, guys,

come on now.

You can't break my fingers.

I'm a surgeon.

Just do the legs.

Rick!

That's my son.

Can I be excused?

Oh, buddy...

What a toilet.

Are you okay?

Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Did you bring the money?

We sure did.

Here.

Good. Good.

Hey! Ho-ho!

For somebody

who didn't believe me,

you got here in a hurry.

When I saw

your car was gone...

He realized you might have done

something dumb after all.

Well, Dad, what happened?

Oh, it was just a friendly

little pool game.

You know, a bunch of guys

playing, making some bets...

You got hustled.

Yeah.

Here you are.

The entire amount.

I told you

I was good for it.

You wouldn't care to try

to win it back, would you?

No. I wouldn't.

You know,

I play a little pool.

Brad!

Guys, let's just

get out of here, huh?

Say, uh... Ahem.

What's that?

It's a Fijjit Wijjit.

The latest thing.

How's it work?

Hey, isn't that your--

You're supposed to line up

all the shapes on one side.

Oh, kids' toy.

Oh, yeah?

It's not so easy.

Although Jake here

is pretty good.

I could do that

in two minutes.

You think?

Come on, any toddler could.

You care to make

a little wager on that?

No. No.

No. I don't think so.

Double or nothing?

Well...

[♪♪♪]

So you see, Kate,

when Dad asked me

to bring all that cash,

I figured he was trying

to play a practical joke on me.

Oh, well, you should have known

your father wouldn't lie.

That's what I told him.

Yeah.

And to think

the whole thing started

because some guy

stole your wallet.

Tsk, tsk.

Whatever happened to honesty?

Well, all's well

that ends well.

I won enough cash

to choke a horse.

Or an elephant.

Yeah.

Rick, want to put this back

in the safe for me, bud?

Sure, Dad.

Do I get a ?

[LAUGHING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[BOTH CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[LAUGHING]

April fools'!

Got you!

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]