07x01 - Big Mouth’s Going to High School (But Not for Nine More Episodes)

[bunniefuu]

[grunting, chewing]

Hello? Jessi, is that you?

Hey, Shannon.

- Couldn't sleep either, huh, babe?
- Lola? What are you doing in my kitchen?

Oh my God, Shannon! Don't you remember?

You moved into my building last season
when Jessi got a yeast infection.

- What?
- [gasps] Idea b*mb!

Let's do a season six recap.

- Oh, I don't think I need...
- Too late! Recapping.

So, Matthew totally dumped Jay.

He was all...

"You're a wolf, and I'm a swan,

and also, you're probably
still in love with Lola

because she's so hot..."

♪ "And ultimately your destiny..." ♪

[Lola] What else?
Oh, yeah, that little horndog Missy

totally hooked up
with this new kid Elijah,

but uh-oh, Elijah's like...

"Missy, I like you,
but I'm a big-time asexual."

Lola, please, it's : in the morning.

Who's next? Oh yeah!

Andrew's still a total cum freak,

and little Nicky is a short stack of sh*t.

But who cares? Because me
and my yeasty bestie Jessi with no chesty

are graduating eighth grade
in a couple of months. Yay!

- Okay. Well, I guess I'm all caught up.
- Shut up, Shannon.

This wasn't for you.
This was for the audience.

Oh yeah, and guys,
the theme song still totally slaps.

["Changes" by Charles Bradley playing]

♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪

♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ In my life ♪

♪ Oh! Ooh! Ooh! ♪

[songs fades]

- [whistle blows]
- Okay, listen up, everyone.

In two months,
you'll be graduating middle school.

Congratulations! Ms. B told me quote,
"She can't wait to see you go" quote.

Steve!

So today, we'll be visiting
Bridgeton High School.

She also says it gives her a stummy-ache
to think about you guys driving a car.

- Just get on the f*cking bus, Steve.
- Okay.

Ugh, what's the point
of visiting the new high school?

I already know it's gonna suck.

High school? I thought
this was the bus to Atlantic City.

I got so many quarters, Jessi,
and I wanna smoke indoors.

- Hi, Jessi.
- Hey, Nick. Where's Andrew?

I don't know.
I haven't seen him all morning.

- That's because there is no Andrew.
- Jesus, Andrew!

- There is only Drew.
- You scared the sh*t out of us.

Oh no, no, no, no.

Don't be scared of Drew.

He's a normal, non-creepy boy.

Andrew, if you're going for non-creepy,

then a plain black baseball cap
is not the way to go.

Again, I'm Drew.

Drew is just a regular guy

who won't be bringing
any gross Andrew baggage to high school.

I can see it now.

[swanky jazz playing]

- Hey.
- It's that totally not creepy guy.

- Great hat, Normal Drew.
- [chuckles] Thank you.

Oh look, my skin isn't crawling.

You're too kind.

That's right. We're going
to reinvent ourselves like Al Pacino.

You see, he used to be an actor,
but now he's a long scarf.

Wow, Maury,
the hat really is transformative.

Thank you, Drew,
but I'm going by "Mo" now,

short for "Ho-mo."

- That seems... okay maybe?
- I think so?

I mean, if you're owning it.

Andrew, the only chance you have
of surviving high school,

and I offer this humbly, is me.

Oh, please, you're '". What makes
you think you'll survive high school?

Because my sister goes there,
and she is cool AF.

I'm a legacy, baby!

[grunts]

Hey, it's Leah's brother.

Your sister's cool,
which means you're tall.

Hey, look, I don't make the rules.

Yeah, baby!
Leah's cool, so I have two eyeballs.

[grunting]

Rick's looking good, baby!

You guys both need
to lower your expectations.

Why would high school be good
if life is bad?

Damn, Daria. Back at it again
with the terrible attitude?

Oh, come on, Matthew.

I thought you of all people
would share my pessimism.

Look, middle school is terrible,

but high school
could be a whole new world.

Shout-out to The Little Mermaid.

New people, new friends.

And honestly, I am tired
of being the only gay boy in my class.

You are excluding Jay.

Um, I'm half gay, thank you.

- Yeah, not how it works.
- Are you even graduating, Jay?

- Matthew!
- No, no, my ex-husband is correct.

The odds of me graduating at this point
are basically -.

Ugh, see what I mean?
I need to find my people.

- Yeah, and betray them at every turn.
- What? Why?

Because high school
is every man for himself.

- It's a reality TV contest to the death.
- Jesus.

And out of the carnage asada,
I will rise like a Joaquin Phoenix.

Yes, bow to me, shitheads.

[all chanting] Lola! Lola!

And eventually,
the school will call my mom,

so she'll have to come home
and see me. Go, Lola.

Oh sh*t. We've arrived.

- [ominous music plays]
- Zendaya, that building is massive.

How are we gonna find our classes?

We'll do it together,
like a real high school couple.

Oh, I can't wait.
We'll have lunch together.

And I'll carry your books.

Ugh, I'm drier than Lake Mead over here.

They're about to pull a bunch of corpses
out of my p*ssy.

- Mona!
- What?

High school is where
you're supposed to f*ck.

Well, I'm with Elijah,
and he's not interested in that.

But you're almost , darling.
You should be drowning in d*ck.

Dicks are a solid.
You can't drown in them.

Sure you can.

% of hot slut deaths every year
are d*ck drownings.

So stay safe out there, my whores.

[magical music playing]

Okay, so, everybody kiss your twin,
and then we'll give you a Whopper Junior.

Close, Steve.

Uh, everyone choose a buddy,
and we'll assign you a junior host.

Whoa, the juniors look so big and adult.

I mean, that guy has a full-on beard.

And I'm no doctor, but that girl
is gonna have "back problems."

Oh yeah. Those are big ole
floppy problem breasts.

No, no.

I'm Drew now,
and Drew doesn't stare at a woman's bosom.

He looks in her eyes,
and he appreciates her mind.

Ah, yes.
The eyes, the nipples of the head.

After a quick tour, you and your hosts
will eat lunch together in the cafeteria.

Jessi, Lola,
your host is Lulu Barfightkowitz.

- 'Sup?
- Ooh, Lulu seems so cool.

- Uh, nice to meet you, Lulu.
- Shut up. I don't wanna be here.

- Okay.
- I take it back. Lulu seems terrible.

I got in trouble for selling Tylenol
that I told everyone was Molly.

The teachers who bought it were so mad,
they're making me babysit you dumb fucks.

Lulu, bowing my head,
we are nameless nobodies.

- We are trash and do not deserve you.
- This girl gets it.

If you need to spit,
please do so in our mouths.

What are you doing? Lulu sucks.

Reality TV rule number one,

beta yourself to the alpha,

and then when their guard is down,
punch 'em in the throat.

- Lulu, wait up!
- Looks like you're with me, Nicky.

Here to carry on
the Birch legacy of popularity.

And I'm Nick's plus-one. The name's Drew.

Oh f*ck, Andrew.

Don't do anything
weird or gross today, okay?

Leah, bubbeleh,
weird and gross was Andrew.

I'm Drew now.

I'm a normal boy
who's just staring at your two big minds.

Ew. Just please keep your hands
where I can see them.

- Hey, I'm Ocean.
- Oh.

My pronouns are they/them,

and I have , of my own dollars,

so don't f*ck with me, okay?

My God, Matthew, a real-life thousandaire.

Ocean is truly cool.

You're just cool
compared to straight people.

No sh*t, assh*le. We can't screw this up.

- Hi, I'm Matthew. My pronouns are...
- And I am Caleb.

My parents told me to tell you

that I feel uncomfortable
in unfamiliar places,

so I made a map of the school.

Okay, girl, do you.

According to the map,
there are fire exits.

Will we be visiting all of them
on the tour?

So this is the vibe today?

No, no, no, no, no. This is Caleb's vibe.

Caleb, I am begging you,
just for one day, can you please be cool?

No, I cannot.

Yeah, I had a feeling.

Hey, hi.

I'm Timon,
and this is my boyfriend, Pumbaa.

Shout-out to Aladdin.

Timon and Pumbaa?
Are those like your Christian names?

[chuckles] No, no, no, no.

We just believe that when we're together,
life's, you know, no worries.

And I'm packing
a fat old warthog in my jeans.

- Ain't that right, babe?
- [giggles]

So fat. Wait, are you two also a couple?

Mm-hmm. Soon to be a high school couple.

Aw, just like Pumbaa and me!

Oh, Timon.

[both moaning]

Whoa, you two are just like
going at it in the hallway, huh?

Yes! This right here.
This is what I want for you, Missy.

It is pretty erotic.

The heat, the hunger,
the complete lack of self-awareness.

This is high school.

[moans] Hakuna Matata!

Hey, what gives?
I never got assigned my Whopper Junior.

Aww, poor little dickweed
doesn't have anyone to show him around.

Oh f*ck.

Should we give him a taste of how shitty
his life's gonna be next year?

Well, joke's on you assholes
because I'm probably not gonna graduate.

Then I guess
we'll just have to f*ck you up today.

Starting with a tushy foot.

A tushy foot? Well, that sounds adorable.

It means we're gonna take your foot
and shove it up your own assh*le.

Until we hit bone.

- Get him!
- [Jay screams]

- No tushy foot!
- [boy grunts]

Okay, first stop, headquarters.
The girls' bathroom.

Wow, high school toilets.

If these bowls could talk, am I right?

- [grunts] Hey, freshman, get outta here.
- [girl screams]

I'm gonna vape,
and I don't wanna smell your open ass.

- [girl] But I'm not done.
- Yo-yo that turd, toots!

You don't have to sh*t at home,
but you can't sh*t here.

- [grunts]
- Oh!

That little bitch was so rude.

Yeah, I mean, how dare she try
to use the bathroom as a bathroom.

- What a c**t.
- [laughter]

- Excuse me?
- [chuckles] This chick's funny.

- What?
- Nothing. I'm sorry!

- [screams]
- [toilet flushes]

Jesus.

- So, you're funny, huh?
- [ominous music]

- Oh sh*t, Jessi. What hath you wrought?
- I don't know, it just came out.

You one of those funny girls,
like Whitney Cummings?

Well, I mean, I don't have a tight five
about queefing, but...

You know, I like comedy too.

Comedy movies, Comedy Central,

Jeff and Larry's Comedy Round Up
on SiriusXM.

Okay.

We should see how funny you really are.

[inhales, exhales]

[coughs] Oh God. What does that mean?

Honey, I think it means
you should get your affairs in order.

Jessi, I'm scared!

- Follow me down the shitter.
- [toilet flushes]

[grunts, screams]

I'm stuck!

And I can feel the other girl
with my toes.

- Ah!
- [sighs]

Hey, guys, you all remember Nick.

Jourdan with a "u," Gabrielle,
so great to see you guys.

How's your mom, Maya?
Her tomatoes come in yet?

When they do,
I'ma gonna make-a da-sauce-a.

[all laugh]

Mama Mia, that's a spicy a-meatball.

I'm doing it too, like Nick.

Hi, I'm Drew.

Charmed, I'm sure, my lady.

Sorry, are you, like,
British or something?

Oh no, no, I'm very Jewish.

Double circumcised, in fact.
There were complications.

- Okay.
- Do you know what a "cobra head" is?

Well, it's official.
The high school ladies love Mountain Drew.

[Andrew] Mmm,
and Mountain Drew loves them.

- Yeah, they're so mature.
- Nearly ready to enter the workforce.

On the cusp of voting.

Ah, cusp.

Um, can I help you?

Ah, no! No, sorry.

I was just noticing
that small almond-shaped growth

near your brassiere line.

You might wanna get that biopsied.

- What the f*ck?
- Ick!

Oh God, Mo, the creep is returning!

I can feel my off-putting personality
coming back.

Of course it is! Look around!

High school's a visual minefield
of hot flesh and sexy moles.

- What do I do?
- s*ab your eyes out.

Double circumcise your face.

Or hold on.
What if I just took my glasses off?

Yeah, I guess that could work too.

[Andrew] Oh, this is great.
I can't see a g*dd*mn thing.

Now, where did Nick and Leah go?

Ooh!

Begging your pardon, madam.
Don't worry, I'm not English.

[screams]

Oh God! Here we go!

[screams]

So, yeah, this is the theater department.

Last year we did Les Mis, but get this,

it took place
in an Amazon fulfillment center.

Oh, and I bet "One Day More"
was about same-day shipping?

- You called it, girl! Exactly.
- Oh, I got you, girl.

- If I may interject.
- N...

In order to plan
my emergency evacuation routes,

- I need to inspect this fire exit.
- [awkward chuckle]

- Of course you do.
- Have at it, Paw Patrol.

Question. You look like you can sing.

Oh, I don't know.

♪ Does this sound ♪

♪ Like I can sing?
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa whoa ♪

Okay, I see you.
She has lungs and she riffs too long.

Have you heard
of the Bridgeton High q*eer Choir?

The B-High Quee-Choi?

It's tenors and one miserable baritone.

Uh, make that tenors.

- f*ck! Yes! I love it!
- [laughs]

But wait.
What about your little friend Caleb?

- I guess we should wait for him?
- No. No cops at Pride.

Hmm. You know, how do I put this?

f*ck Caleb. He has his map. He'll be fine.

Ooh, so ruthless.

You gonna fit right in perfectly
with the B-High Quee-Choi.

[screams] I don't want a tushy foot!

Good news, Matthew.
Fire exit number is unobstructed.

Matthew?

- f*ck you, tourist.
- My map!

- Shut up.
- Ah! My genitals!

- [suspenseful music]
- [grunts] Damn it, locked!

[groans] Oh, come on!

Do I not know how doors work?

Jay, I hope your assh*le's hungry!

For your foot!

[grunting]

- [thud]
- [groans]

Is this hell or heaven?

- [man] Need a hand?
- Excuse me, sir,

but what does one call this place?

This is the Bridgeton High
Vocational School.

Whoa! Nick's uncle Judd?

Wait a minute, you said this is school?

Yeah, but here we learn sh*t
that'll actually make us money.

Wanna know how to strip
a catalytic converter

- and then sell it to Ecuador?
- f*ck yeah.

You wanna make six figures
but don't know how to count?

Uh, yes plus yes equals no doy.

You like fire?

Is that a trick question? Is this a test?

Wait, are there tests here?

No tests. Just do or do not.

And fire, man. Lots of f*cking fire.

Vocational wolf!

[howls]

Okay, so this stairwell
is totally make-out central.

- [couples moaning]
- [Elijah] Is that two janitors making out?

But if you wanna hook up on carpet,
highly recommend the library.

Oh, babe, do you remember?
That's where you first fingered me.

And where we first went to second base.

[both] a**l.

- [Timon moans]
- Does anyone go to class at this school?

[chuckles] Well, you know,

maybe you should try
not to be so close-minded, Elijah.

I mean, Jesus wasn't
a completely judgy little narc, was he?

Actually, yeah, he kinda was.

Here, take this. If you're gonna go
to high school with Elijah,

you might as well
scoop out your p*ssy and put it on ice.

You're probably right.

Wait, I am?

Yeah, it seems like
exploring bodies on dirty carpets

is a big part of this experience,
and I'm not sure I wanna miss out on that.

Well, f*ck damn,
you've never agreed with me before.

I don't know what to say,
other than we should move.

It looks like Pumbaa's about to blow.

- [moans]
- Oh no, babe, your pants!

Don't worry, babe, I'm wearing a condom.

Interesting.

[Ocean] Hello, my darlings.

This is Matthew.

And Matthew, this is the B-High Quee-Choi.

So, you think you have what it takes
to be in the Quee-Choi?

Holy sh*t, Matthew.

- The stakes, they've never been higher.
- Um...

- Do something incredible, please.
- Ohh...

Well, are you gonna introduce yourself?

Okay.

♪ My name is Matthew MacDell... ♪

Wh-What are you doing?
I said incredible, not weird.

♪ My pronouns are he/him ♪

♪ And my last school was a sh*t show ♪

♪ My ex-boyfriend f*cked a couch cushion ♪

[Ocean and choir]
♪ His name is Matthew MacDell ♪

♪ His pronouns are he/him ♪

♪ His last school was a sh*t show ♪

♪ And his ex-boyfriend
f*cked a couch cushion... ♪

Oh my God, Matthew, you're doing it.

Keep singing.
We need a song in the premiere.

[all] ♪ It's gonna be glorious ♪

♪ It's gonna be grand ♪

♪ This boy has found his people ♪

♪ Yes, he's made it to the promised land ♪

♪ In this castle, you can be a king ♪

♪ Or a sad and lonely pawn ♪

[Ocean and choir]
♪ Yes, Big Mouth's going to high school ♪

♪ We're finally moving on ♪

[Ocean] ♪ Some, like lambs to slaughter ♪

- ♪ Will be helpless and afraid ♪
- [choir] ♪ Lambs to slaughter ♪

[Ocean] ♪ While those
With a k*ller's instinct ♪

♪ Will understand how the game is played ♪

[choir] ♪ Play the game ♪

[Ocean] ♪ Some will never outrun misery ♪

♪ No matter how they try ♪

[all] ♪ Still Big Mouth's
Going to high school ♪

♪ Yes, we milked middle school dry ♪

[choir] ♪ There's fortune
For the lucky few ♪

- ♪ And the life they've always craved ♪
- [Ocean] ♪ Whoa ♪

[choir] ♪ Some will suffer longing
For so much more ♪

♪ For so much more ♪

♪ Others still will flounder
Dumb and blind ♪

- ♪ To escape a life depraved ♪
- [tires screech]

[Ocean] ♪ All these little twits
Would lose their sh*t ♪

[all] ♪ If they knew what lay in store
Yeah ♪

♪ Some will find a brand new life
In the belly of the beast ♪

♪ That will bring them
Sweet salvation or grim demise ♪

[choir] ♪ Grim demise ♪

[Ocean] ♪ It's gonna be
A whole new sh*t show ♪

♪ We're gonna blow some brand-new loads ♪

[all] ♪ On a bold adventure
We'll embark ♪

♪ Until the day we jump the shark ♪

♪ The Big Mouth kids
Are moving on to high school ♪

♪ But not for nine more episodes ♪

- ♪ Not for nine more episodes ♪
- ♪ No, no, not for nine more episodes ♪

[panting]

Matthew is gone. My map is gone.

I am late for lunch,
and all the good taco meat will be gone.

All right, Mo, this is a big decision.

Where you sit in the cafeteria
can make or break you in high school.

- This is ridiculous.
- Which clique will I choose?

Will it be the greasers or the nerds?

- The jocks, or...
- Andrew, just put your glasses back on.

It's Drew! And blinding myself
is the only way to avoid perving out.

Hey, do we have eyes on Lulu?

She's probably preparing
a devastating prank

that will make you, like,
never trust again.

Wait. What makes you think
she's gonna prank me?

- It's what I would do, sweetie.
- [groans]

Not saying I'm going to,
but if I were to host the Oscars,

I'd make sure only women won,
and I'd probably have a female co-host.

- [laughs] Wait, that's so stupid. Stop.
- I love that.

Oh my God, Nick, you're so cute.
Come sit on my lap, please.

Well, if you insist. Here comes my butt.

Jourdan, you've gotta try holding Nick.
He's light as a feather.

But a sexy feather, right?

Gabrielle, girl,
you wanna hold this little fella?

Okay. Uh, can you put me down now, please?

Oh no, Leah,
your little brother's getting fussy.

Aww. Maybe he needs a widdle nap.

Oh sh*t, Rick. They don't think
I'm sexy like a feather.

They think I'm cute like a baby.

Poop your pants,

'cause then maybe they'll have to wipe
doodoo off your peepee.

You want me to feed you
like a baby bird, huh?

- Chew it for me, Mommy.
- Yeah?

- Chew it good.
- [chewing]

Am I cuckoo bananas
or are these two cuckoo bananas?

Uh, well, actually,
maybe you are cuckoo bananas, Elijah.

Some people have sexual appetites,
and there is nothing wrong with that.

Missy, what is going on with you today?
Is it high school? Is it me?

It's nothing. It's just, I feel like
I want something that you...

[gasps] Check it out, babe.

I think Lulu
is about to f*ck up that little redhead.

Oh sh*t. We're about to see
if the blood matches the drapes.

Hey, Jessi. Since you're so obsessed
with letting people take shits,

I figured you wouldn't mind
if I took a sh*t on you.

- Sure, yeah, that tracks.
- Ah!

- Oh God. I don't like this.
- [laughter]

[all gasp]

Damn!

Aww, looks like it's gonna be really hard

to get that chocolate sauce
out of your outfit. [laughs]

Oh no, Jessi!

People are gonna call you
"Hershey Squirter" or "Super Dooky."

- Yeah, I got it, thanks.
- Or "sh*t Tits."

Don't worry, Jessi, you've given me
just the distraction I need

to slay the alpha.

- [laughs]
- [Lola] Hey, Lulu?

- Yeah? What do you want, bitch?
- [grunts]

- [grunts]
- Holy sh*t.

- [Lola yells]
- [Lulu grunts]

- [grunts]
- Classic food fight!

[student] Woo-hoo!

Come on, Missy!

- No!
- [Missy] Elijah!

- [grunts]
- What's going on?

I don't know, man.
Just put on your f*cking glasses.

Oh Christ.

- [Andrew screams]
- I have located the cafeteria.

[screams]

- Paw Patrol has entered the chat.
- Stop, no, no, no!

- No!
- Oh sh*t.

Protect the child!

I'm not a child! I'm a little big boy!

[both grunt]

Get off me, you little blonde t*nk!

Just know that I am doing this
with a deep sense of respect.

- k*ll her!
- Mommy wants blood!

[groans]

Excuse me, I'm a person!
There's a person down here.

Oh, come on!

Sixty-eight dollars
at Costco Optical, ruined. Aah!

[in slow motion] Oh sh*t.

- [normal speed] Oh sh*t.
- Ew! You f*cking creep!

Hey! Get your f*cking hands
off my girlfriend's tits.

I swear... Pumbaa, was it?

For the first time in my lousy life,
I wasn't being a pervert.

Mommy wants blood. Right, Mommy?

I wanna taste the iron in his veins.

Oh Jesus, you two have a problem.

You're the one that's about
to have a f*cking problem. Ah!

Step away from the pervert.

Jay! You have a sword!

I just forged it. In the basement!

I think I love school.

[screams] That kid has a w*apon!

[all screaming]

Elijah, help!

Stay alive! I will find you!

- We got you, Jay.
- Ah sh*t.

Now bring us that foot.

You stole my map!

[both grunting]

Okay. Paw Patrol
has gone completely rabid.

- [laughter]
- Hey, it's not Paw Patrol.

His name is Caleb, okay?

And he doesn't do well
with unfamiliar places.

- Okay.
- [Val] No! Ow! Ah!

Sh, sh, sh. It's okay, Caleb.

- [Val crying]
- It's okay.

He took my map.

I know.

And you disappeared.

I'm sorry.

Ditching you
just felt really right in the moment.

I'm an assh*le.

- Oh God!
- Missy! Take my hand.

I told you I'd find you.

And did you see?
I stayed alive, just like you commanded.

I'm so glad
you're gonna be my high school boyfriend.

Me too. I take it all back.

He may not want
anything to do with your p*ssy,

but he saved your ass,

and darling, that's hot.

- [all chanting] Lola! Lola!
- Yes, bow to me, shitheads.

I am your Queen Latifah!

Hey, aren't you the chick who hit me
in the d*ck with a shovel last year?

I don't know, sweetie.

You're gonna have to be
way more specific than that.

Well, at least I was right. Today sucked.

[sighs] It sure did, Super Dooky.

- Yeah, Super Dooky. Good one.
- Hey, you wanna borrow my sweater?

Could it be? An angel from above?

With a sweater from Zara?

Yes. Yes, please.

Gotta cover up these sh*t tits, huh?
[chuckles]

You know, the only reason
Lulu went after you

was because she felt threatened.

- By me?
- Yeah. She could tell you're cool.

- Really?
- Hot damn!

You just got called cool by a cool girl.

Huh. Maybe high school
won't completely suck?

Maybe, sh*t Tits. Maybe.

Hey, Drew, or Andrew,

- or whatever your f*cking name is.
- Aah!

Your first day of high school
is gonna be your last day alive.

Oh, ho-ho. You're f*cked, kid.
This guy looks like he means it, right?

I'm so screwed.

Hold on, buddy. I think
you're missing something huge here.

You actually touched a boob. Two, even.

But I'm gonna die.

Right, death. But boob.
But yeah, death is bad.

But boob is good.
But let's not forget about death.

Oh, you're right.

- High school is terrifying.
- You can say that again, sister.

- High school is terrifying.
- This girl tried to burp me.

Well, maybe the only way for us
to get through this nightmare is together.

That's right, Missy.

And me and my sword,
which I have dubbed Skinripper...

[chuckles]

...will be right there with you.

Dream on, Brian Benben.
You're never gonna graduate.

- What the f*ck is this bullshit?
- Suck it, Jay. I'm with Kurt.

Now you're my little brother too.

Oh f*ck! That is how it works.

So yeah, even our changes
are going through changes, Shannon.

But now that you're all caught up,
what's new in Shanda-land?

Still gay for those ladies
but tragically alone?

Lola, get out of my house.

Pshaw. Don't flatter yourself, Shannon.

It's just a condo.

Take her to church, B-High Quee-Choi.

♪ Don't flatter yourself, Shannon ♪

- [choir] ♪ It's a condo, not a house... ♪
- What the...

[Ocean] ♪ This modest home
Where we're standing ♪

- [choir] ♪ It's a condo, not a house... ♪
- Okay.

[Ocean] ♪ I hate to spoil
Your satisfaction ♪

- ♪ But your address has a fraction... ♪
- Oh, okay.

[Ocean and choir]
♪ 'Cause you're living in a condo ♪

♪ Not a house ♪

♪ Not a house ♪

[Ocean] ♪ Got no basement, got no yard ♪

[choir] ♪ It's a condo, not a house ♪

[Ocean] ♪ Whoa
Just a half-wit security guard ♪

[choir] ♪ It's a condo, not a house ♪

[Ocean] ♪ It's a single mom empty nest ♪

♪ With a view of a CVS ♪

♪ Yes, it's definitely a condo
Not a house ♪

[choir] ♪ Not a house ♪

[Ocean and choir]
♪ Oh, we're all trying to do our best ♪

♪ And we all want a little bit more ♪

♪ But Shannon, girl, don't kid yourself ♪

- ♪ Your roof is someone's floor ♪
- [baritone] ♪ Someone's floor ♪

[Ocean] ♪ Community pools
And screaming babies ♪

♪ Parking passes and HOA fees ♪

[Ocean and choir]
♪ 'Cause you're living in a condo ♪

♪ Not a house ♪

- [choir] ♪ Not a house ♪
- [Ocean] ♪ Oh yes ♪

[Ocean and choir]
♪ It's definitely a condo, not a house ♪

[choir] ♪ Not a house ♪

[Ocean and choir]
♪ Girl, you're living in a condo ♪

♪ Not a house ♪

[choir] ♪ Not a house ♪

[Shannon] I know.

Chirp.