07x08 - The Bad Hookup

[bunniefuu]

♪ Dirty d*ck patriots taking it back ♪

♪ We're gonna wash our dicks
'Til the balls turn black ♪

Jesus f*ck!

Hey, guys! As you know,

Kurt and I, aka Krumpy,

are literally the couple of the summer.

Yeah, and listening to them
dry hump every day

has not broken my spirit one bit.

Who gives a sh*t about your spirit?

- [grunts]
- [groans]

But sadly, the summer is coming to an end,
which means...

Party at my house!

Booze, hookups,
someone falling through a window.

It's gonna be American Pie
meets Fury Road!

Be there, b*tches!

[tires screech]

I've got a primo fake ID.
It says I'm from the state of Boston.

Ooh la la,
where Ben Affleck's penis grew up?

I like them apples. [chuckles]

And you, just stand out here
and be the lookout.

- The lookout?
- Yeah, look out!

- [groans]
- [laughs]

Oh my God, hilarious wordplay, babe.

- [Bad Mitten] Hey, shitbag.
- Oh no, Steve.

Are you still having a psychotic break?

Yeah, the Bad Mitten's got me drinking
this funny tasting soda.

- I don't know what to do.
- [groans] Me neither.

Lola and Kurt
are throwing a rager tonight,

and I'm gonna have to pretend
in front of everybody

that I'm, like, super happy for them.

[Bad Mitten] Hear that, Thunderhead?

They're throwing a party,
and you're not invited.

What? No, no, that's not true.

I think everyone would love to party
with their adult gym teacher.

[Bad Mitten] f*ck off! We're not going
to some bullshit kids party.

Told you my fake ID would work.

To be fair,
it is the worst liquor store in town.

The clerk is a straight-up cat.

Let's get wasted
and fill my house with barf!

- Wait, guys!
- [tires screech]

- High school party!
- Wait!

Everyone is getting fingered, baby!

["Changes" by Charles Bradley playing]

♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪

♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ In my life ♪

♪ Oh! Ooh! Ooh! ♪

[songs fades]

[Missy groans] I'm a little nervous.

This is a real high school party,
with real high school kids!

Babe, hold my legs
while I suck off this keg!

Oh, sweetie, your skills are stupefying.

I've hitched my wagon to such a star.

- Mwah.
- [Jay groans]

- Keg stands? Heinie kisses?
- Yes!

Jessi, I don't think I'm ready for this.

Ew, and there's a urinal
in the living room?

- [gasps] These people are f*cking animals.
- That's right, ladies.

Welcome to the jungle,
where it's finger or be fingered.

Ooh, I choose both.

And as freshman girls,
we're the hot new flesh

ready to be absolutely devoured
by the upper classmen.

Ugh! So we're just here to be preyed upon
like wild game? Like wildebeests?

Okay, hold on.

What if you think about it this way?

You're the new crop of freshmen girls.

You're sexy vegetables.

Ooh, think of it, Missy.

You're like a fresh ear of corn

ready to be plucked and shucked
by big, stinky farmers.

As a young cob on the rebound,

that does sound pretty shucking good.

Sorry, but isn't this whole older guy,
younger girl dynamic sort of gross?

Oh, f*cking grow up, Jessi.

Yeah, grow up!

I snagged Kurt
with my eyes and mouth wide open.

If anything, I'm using him
to make Jay jealous.

- Wait, what?
- What?! Who said that?

Not me, bitch. f*ck you.

Now do you think that psycho Pumbaa
will be able to recognize me? Be honest.

- I'm sorry, who's Pumbaa again?
- Come on, Nick. From the season premiere.

I accidentally honked
his girlfriend's hooters.

He vowed to end my life.

Oh yeah, Pumbaa. You look like an idiot.

I think it's the perfect disguise.

Why would someone m*rder Abraham Lincoln
who has famously already k*lled himself?

Just don't embarrass me
in front of Danni, okay?

I think I have a sh*t with her tonight.

I thought you guys were "just friends."

For now, but I'm laying in wait,

and methinks in time,
the friend will become the lover.

Boo! Bitch ass.

- Jesus!
- Oh, my nuts went into my tummy.

Nick Birch, this is my friend Erica.

- Hi.
- Oh, nice to meet you, Erica.

And this is my friend Andrew.

You might recognize him
from the five-dollar bill.

All right, Party Lincoln.

Oh, I, uh... [chuckles]

I didn't know Danni was bringing
a winsome young friend.

Yes, Andrew! Dazzle this teen
with your old-timey vocabulary.

Ooh, "winsome." That means I'm hot, right?

[chuckles] f*ck yeah, baby.

So, are you coming
to Cobblestones next year too?

Actually, I will be public school filth.
Uh, I'm going to Bridgeton High.

Oh, my brother Henry goes there,
and he is literal filth.

Andrew, I don't know why my Christian god
keeps giving you chances with new girls,

but you cannot mess this one up.

I will do my absolute best.

Oh f*ck, we're f*cked.

Hey, Nick, you can totally say no,

but would it be cool
if Travis came tonight?

Travis? Come here to this... [stammers]

Yeah, I would lo...
I would love to hang with the T-man. Trav.

You're the best. I'll let him know.

This sucks. I thought I was gonna have
Danni all to myself tonight.

Yeah, and I thought
I was gonna get more compliments

on my new chambray shirt. Hint, hint.

[Bad Mitten] Look at those
snot-nosed brats having fun.

They're all glad to be rid of you forever.

- Steve?
- Huh?

I was just taking an outside nap.

I didn't know you were here.

[Bad Mitten] Lady, what you don't know
could fill your cavernous twat.

- Steve!
- Ah, I'm sorry, Jay's Mom.

You've never spoken to me that way.

[Bad Mittens]
That's because I'm not Steve,

I'm a bad f*cking mitten.

You are a naughty mitten,

and I know exactly what to do with you.

- All right, I'll f*ck your brains out.
- Oh.

But I ain't sleeping over.

- [chuckles]
- So I'm in the headmaster's office

lying through my teeth
about taking this rando's phone.

And I'm fully fake crying.

- [laughs]
- Oh my God.

- Teresa must have been sh1tting herself.
- Ha ha.

And you shouldn't do that, right?

- Good job, Andrew. Way to get in there.
- Attention, dinks and donks.

Flip cup tournament in the garage
starting right f*cking now.

Hey, Party Lincoln,
you ever play flip cup before?

Technically, no,

but I am a natural athlete
and a fast learner.

- And such a good liar.
- Oh, thank you, Nick.

- Let's go.
- Whoa, okay.

So, something I should tell you
about Jay's house,

if you see a Triscuit
with vanilla frosting, it's, uh...

it's not frosting.

- [phone vibrates]
- Sorry, I should...

Oh yeah, sure,
it's actually a very disgusting story,

but totally, no, check your texts.

Damn!

Why do lazy teenage boys
still get to have abs?

Damn is right. It's definitely on tonight.

- Send him back a picture of your feet.
- My feet?

Yeah, girl.
Feet are more original than titties,

and let's be honest,
your titties are teeny tiny tatas.

- Hey!
- Now those toes...

Holy moly, that's a hog load of fireworks.
Ooh, but these Triscuits look pretty good.

Oh, I would not eat those if I were you.

Oh, I was just, uh,
looking for something to drink that...

Doesn't have alcohol? I got you.

Ooh la la, pamplemousse.

Somebody knows their sparkling waters.
I'm impressed. That's incredible.

Now take a big chug and belch in his face.

So, you don't think it's lame
that I'm a teetotaler?

Hey, there's absolutely nothing wrong
with not drinking.

I actually partied too hard
sophomore year,

and I felt like it was keeping me
from getting close to people.

Oh, wow. That's, like, so mature.
Thank you.

I'm Owen, by the way.
You must be one of the incoming freshmen.

Mona, could this be the big stinky farmer
I've been waiting for?

- Yes! Let's get plowed!
- Mona!

And by the way,
these Triscuits are divine.

Mmm. Reminds me of summers

eating cum sandwiches
on Prince Andrew's yacht.

Okay, flip cup. You chug it,

and then you flip the cup over
so it lands upside down.

Like this.

- Nice!
- Ow! Yeah!

Okay, so I chug...

[gulps, groans]

...burp it into my nose,
it burns, and then flip.

- Wow!
- Oh my God, something worked.

You are a natural.

Has anyone ever told you
you have incredible wrist control?

[chuckles] Well, that's probably
because every night before I go to sleep

and every morning when I wake up, I...

Andrew, you cannot tell this girl

that you masturbate
every single time you're alone.

I wr... I write poems about trees and sh*t.

Oh, you'll never see 'em.

That's why my wrist is so strong.

Wow, a poet and an athlete?

Yeah, I didn't know you write poems.
That's cool. You're... you're a cool guy.

[groans] Travis should be here by now.

[groans] What's taking so long?
I mean, the legs are shaved,

- and the panties match the bra.
- [phone vibrates]

And... this m*therf*cker's not coming.

If he not coming, then you not cumming.
What the f*ck, Travis?

Hey, I got you a beer.

I could not work the keg,
so it is mostly foam.

Oh, thanks.

Is, uh, everything okay?

- No, bitch!
- Oh, yeah.

It's no big deal, but Travis flaked.

Really? So I guess that means
you're kind of just stuck with me?

Yeah, I guess we're, uh,
kind of stuck with each other.

Well then, here's to being
stuck with each other.

You know, I'm actually stuck
in this chambray shirt.

Okay.

The buttons are really hard.

Boy, are you flirtin' with me?

No! I need help!

I mean, isn't it kinda f*cked up?

Like, upperclassmen on the prowl
for younger, inexperienced girls?

Honestly, all men should be in jail.

Uh, hey, uh, excuse me?

Oh sh*t, Jessi, abandon your principles!
This guy's hot!

- Oh my God, he really is cute.
- So, flirt with him.

It's a high school party,

and I am not letting you leave
until you see some d*ck.

Hey, my name's Jessi,

and, um, I'm gonna be
a freshman next year, so...

That's great, Jenny, but you're standing
in front of the living room urinal,

and I really have to piss.

Oh, of course. [chuckles] So sorry.
I just keep forgetting it's there.

- f*ck.
- [sighs] Oh boy.

Well, at least you saw some d*ck.

[Bad Mitten] What gives, lady?

I came up here for tits and ass,
not arts and crafts.

I'm sorry, Jay's Mom.

It's the Bad Mitten. He's just so angry.

Oh, sweetheart,
I don't think you're angry.

I think you're sad.

[Bad Mitten]
You don't know sh*t about d*ck.

But I do know sadness,

so I made you a sad mitten.

[Sad Mitten] Oh, Steve, I know it's hard
to see the kids grow up and move on.

- [Bad Mitten] They're abandoning you.
- [Sad Mitten] No, they're not, Steve.

Change is a part of growing up.

[Steve] Change makes me sad.

[Sad Mitten] You should cry
if you feel sad.

It's okay to let it out.

[Bad Mitten] That's it.
You insensitive prick.

I'm gonna f*cking k*ll you! [yells]

[Steve] Oh! Oh, guys, stop fighting on me!

Someday, that man
is gonna take me away from all this.

Yeah, that's why
I prefer seitan for sandwiches...

- No!
- ...and texturized soy protein for pastas.

That is so wild. I don't eat meat either.

That's crazy.
Just chicken and cheese, of course.

- [giggles]
- I'd love to cook for you sometime.

Uh, yes, chef. [chuckles]

Hey, this is random,
but I'm, like, endlessly curious.

Would you wanna go
explore upstairs with me?

Weird Al Franken! Upstairs?

He wants to hook up with you, Missy!

Now, do you want to smoke
his curious d*ck like it's a cigar or not?

I don't know. That's a lot to chew on.

No, you don't chew on it, darling.

Unless they ask.

Go, Andrew! Go, Andrew!

- Yeah.
- Yes!

Eat sh*t in hell, you f*cking losers!
My partner's wrist is insane.

From poem writing.

g*dd*mn Travis letting us get all primped
and primed, and then f*cking bailing.

I can't believe I wore a thong for him.

You are getting a yeast infection
for nothing.

- Unless...
- Unless what?

Unless you hooked up with someone else.
What about little big head over there?

[chuckles] I thought
you weren't into Nick.

Hey, he cute, he like you, and he here.

Bitch, that's p*ssy bingo.

Well, we do have chemistry,

and he's got those big-ass lips.

- Hey, Nick?
- Yeah?

- You, um... wanna go upstairs?
- Upstairs?

Yeah, upstairs.

Oh, you mean up-upstairs?

[chuckles] Yes, of course,
I would like to go up the stairs,

uh, let's... so let's begin
to ascend the steps.

[whispers] Rick, I can't believe it.
Is this actually happening? Pinch me.

Okay.

What the f*ck are you doing?

Sorry, I just got so excited.

I got p*ssy bingo.

Oh sh*t, I think the keg's tapped.
Is that what straight people say?

Hey, babe, let's make a run
back to the liquor store.

I'll let you sit on my lap
and honk the horn.

- Oh! Oh, sorry.
- [lamp shatters]

But, um, my king,
haven't you been, like, imbibing?

Yeah, Kurt, you've been
"ben-bibing" all night.

[scoffs] Only rum and beer.
I drive better when I'm drunk.

Uh, h-hey, man,

I know drinking and driving
is a proud part of Bilzerian culture,

but, um, maybe tonight's not a good idea?

- Shut up, nerd.
- Brothers Against Drunk Driving over here

doesn't want your girlfriend
to crash through the windshield.

Let's go, Lola. Time to die.

Well, c'est la vie.

This is the price I pay
for being an older boy's girlfriend.

I knew it when I signed the contract.

- [keys jangle]
- [grunts] No way.

Hey, give those back!

Give what back?

[laughs]

- Oh my God, it worked!
- Oh, you're dead.

- I f*cking hate magic!
- [both grunt]

Oh no! Scanning for audience.

Could it be? The Brothers Bilzerian
are fighting over little old moi?

Drama!

- [Kurt grunts]
- [Jay groans]

[Steve groaning]

[Sad Mitten] It's okay to be sad, Steve.

[Bad Mitten]
But it's easier to be mad. [grunts]

Oh no, it's a battle of the mittens!

Oh God, which of my hands
is gonna run my brain?

[Sad Mitten] Let go of him!

[Bad Mitten] If I can't have him,
no one can. [grunts]

Whoa!

- [thud]
- Steve!

So, here we are.

Yeah, here we are.
No, no, no, don't touch the pillows.

Oh, okay, jeez.

No, I honestly wouldn't touch anything
really in this room if you can help it.

Well, uh, can I touch you?

[clears throat] Yeah, that...
that would be fine.

- Ow, f*ck. Ow.
- Ow.

- Ooh, you have a hard head. [chuckles]
- Yeah, and a big mouth.

- Do you... you wanna taste it?
- Um...

- Sorry, that was weird.
- Okay.

- That sounded sexier in my head, but...
- Yeah, let's just...

Yeah, why don't... let's just do a little...

Mmm.

Okay, okay, what now?

You wanna take those shoes off?
Maybe put your toes in his mouth?

Maybe I'll just take my shirt off.

- Go for it.
- Oh. [chuckles]

- Okay.
- Bra-llelujah!

Now take your shirt off
for skin-to-skin contact

so she knows who the daddy is.

- Guess I'll take my shirt off.
- [Danni chuckles]

[Danni] Oh man, what's going on?

I feel so, like, in my head right now.

Yeah, you in your head
and out of your body.

[groans] This is so awkward.

Get back in there, girl!
You supposed to be enjoying yourself.

I don't know.
It's just kind of muggy in here,

and the sheets are crunchy.

Blech! He should have kept his shirt on.
That kid does not have the goods.

Oh yeah. You're the man, Nick.

Now do something smooth.

[Nick] Uh...

- Oh, uh...
- Great.

- Yeah, that's... there.
- This is... Mm-hmm.

Yeah, baby. She is putty in your hands.

I don't know, Rick. Am I doing a bad job?

No. You're k*lling it, man.

I guess I just, like, imagined this all
so much, like, sexier.

♪ Ooh, I feel your body
Go limp and lifeless ♪

♪ In my clammy, fumbling hands... ♪

[chuckles] Sorry.

♪ The scent of cum-stained pillows
Hangs in the air... ♪

You're biting a little hard.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ This night was made
For sweet, sweet lovin' ♪

♪ But you were never part of the plan... ♪

- [chuckles] Sorry.
- [Nick] Mm-hmm.

♪ You look so frail and awkward
In the stark fluorescent glare... ♪

[Danni] Oh.

[both] ♪ We're having us a bad hookup ♪

♪ Maybe this was not the best idea ♪

♪ There ain't nothing about this moment
That feels right ♪

♪ Nothing feels right, baby ♪

[both] ♪ Yeah, it's a bad hookup ♪

♪ And now I feel that
Every time I see ya ♪

♪ We'll be reminded
Of this bummer of a night ♪

♪ Girl, you so trapped in your head
I think your p*ssy gone dead ♪

♪ And if you keep it up
That thing gonna rot ♪

♪ Hey, I gotta go pee-pee
And I'm feeling kinda sleepy ♪

♪ Will you wake me
When things start to get hot? ♪

[both] ♪ Ooh, it's a bad hookup ♪

♪ We probably should've
Just hung out as friends ♪

♪ I don't know how much more
Of this passion I can fake ♪

♪ I know you're faking it too ♪

[both] ♪ 'Cause it's a bad hookup ♪

♪ We're riding out a night
That never ends ♪

♪ And baby, we both know
We've made a huge mistake ♪

♪ What were we thinking, girl? ♪

[both] ♪ I don't know how we came
To make this huge mistake ♪

So what do you say, señorita?

[chuckles]

You want to go upstairs-a-rita?

Uh, sure. I-I mean, uh...

Well, I mean, I don't...

I, uh...

- Missy, what are you doing?
- I don't even know this guy's last name!

Smith, Jones, Waititi, who cares?

I do!

I'm sorry, Owen.

You seem amazing,

but it just feels like
we should get to know each other better

before going "upstairs-a-rita."

Whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
I mean, I would never pressure you.

We're getting to know
each other still, right?

Yes, of course.

Let me just, uh, go take a quick pee
in the living room,

then we can keep this repartee going.

See, Mona?
We're gonna keep the repartee going.

- [girl ] Oh, pamplemousse.
- [girl ] Very refreshing.

What the bleep?

I actually partied too hard
sophomore year,

and I felt it was keeping me
from getting close to people.

- [Missy groans]
- Oh, you're so mature.

And very well-aged, like smoked Gouda.

- Which is our favorite toothpaste flavor.
- Ja, das gut.

That farmer f*ck made someone else his ho.

- [groans]
- [grunting]

You little f*ck nugget!
I knew you still wanted Lola.

No, I just don't want you to drive
while you're wasted

and smash into a telephone pole. [groans]

I'm gonna pound you back into dad's d*ck!

Oh my God.

Walking through a hole in the wall.
Kurt! Stop it! You're hurting him!

Why you standing up
for my shithead little brother?

- You're supposed to be my girlfriend!
- I know.

But, like, at the end of the day,
Jay and I do have history,

and, like, I don't want anything bad
to happen to him.

- Really?
- I knew it!

Well, if you care about my brother,
then that makes you gay.

And a little something about me,

I don't date lesbos,
I just watch 'em online.

Wait, hold your horseradish.
What are you saying to me right now?

- I'm breaking up with you, Skumpy...
- [gasps]

...and I watch a sh*t ton of p*rn.

Holding back tears. Lip quivering.

[sobs]

[groaning] I'm sorry, Lola.
You deserve so much better.

- Shut up, Jay!
- [groans]

I don't want your pity.

- [Lola sobs]
- [Jay grunts]

[Nick] Mmm.

What's wrong with me?

This is, like, all I've ever wanted,
and now I'm so not horny.

And I have a horn on my head, so...

- Not helpful, Rick.
- Oh God, this is grim.

Uh, so stop hooking up!

What? But that's, like,
the most awkward thing

in the entire world.

Girl, if the p*ssy dry, you say goodbye.

What? I just pull away from Nick
and say, "Hey, let's stop"?

- Exactly!
- I basically dragged him up here.

I'm just gonna keep doing this
until he gets sick of it.

f*ck this. You can stop hooking up
whenever you want.

It says it here
in the Dickclaration of Pussypendence.

What?

[clears throat]

The Dickclaration states that,

"When engaged in intercourse or the like,

each party reserves the right
to dissolve the union at any time."

Huh?

Baby, you can always change your mind
and stop hooking up.

[sighs]

Okay. Here goes.

Hey, you mind
if we just pause for a moment?

Yes! I mean, I don't mind.
That's... that's... that would be fine.

I'm actually kind of cold.

Yeah, and I'm actually kind of embarrassed

that I don't have an upper body.
[chuckles]

- [chuckles] Yeah, I mean, ditto.
- [chuckles]

You know, it's kind of cool
the way your boy was all respectful.

He must get it from you.

You know he does, Danni's mom.

And that's why I'm going to steal
the Dickclaration of Pussypendence.

Oh. Like Dickalos Cage.

National Treasure.

Ugh, Jesus, Jay. Are you okay?

Yeah, my bones will grow back.

I'm like a starfish. I'm just pissed
Kurt embarrassed Lola like that.

Public dumping is the woof of all woofs.
But at least she's rid of that assh*le.

[Bad Mitten] Just stop breathing already.

Okay, so, um, Coach Steve is...
is, uh, fully choking himself.

No, it's the Bad Mitten!

- Get off my friend, you woolen demon!
- [Steve coughing]

Holy sh*t!

[Bad Mitten] You're not his friend.
You're abandoning him.

[Steve] Yeah, you're ademdeming me.

[Sad Mitten] And that makes us sad.

What the f*ck is going on?

Jessi, summertime is really hard
for gym teachers, okay?

And Coach Steve is gonna miss us
when we go to high school.

Well, we're gonna miss you too, Steve.

You are?

Well, I definitely don't wanna
watch you choke yourself to death.

[Sad Mitten] You see? They do care.

[Bad Mitten] Bullshit. They don't give a...

- [g*nsh*t]
- [Steve groans]

That smarts.

Mom! You saved him.

That was a very bad mitten.

Seriously, what the f*ck?

Oh no, it's fine.
My bones, they'll grow back. It's fine.

I feel like we could have
just taken the mitten off?

So, uh, what do you guys wanna do now?

You guys wanna go to Virgin Megastore,
pick out some CDs, get an Eminem...

[mumbling]

[tense music playing]

Okay. This is it, buttmunches.

Winner takes all.

[yells] Go!

- Go, Erica! Flip it!
- [rock music playing]

Yes!

[grunts]

You got this!

[tense music playing]

[in slow motion] Please let me win.

[gasping]

Yeah!

Andrew, we did it! You're amazing!

Me? Amazing?

[sighs]

[chuckles] Andrew, everything worked out!

My Christian god has truly blessed us.

Forgive me, Father,
for I am about to tap that ass.

[tires screech]

Erica? What the f*ck are you doing
with that little creep?

Uh-oh, is that...

- Pumbaa.
- [Maury groans]

Wait, Andrew, you know my brother?

I thought you said
your brother's name was Henry?

Yeah, we don't call him "Pumbaa" at home.

Erica, that's the little pervert
who grabbed my boobs in front of everyone.

Ew! What? You're that creepy kid?

Yes, but I'm so much more.

- Get to know me.
- All right, that's it!

I was waiting for the first day of school,
but this is happening now!

- [screams]
- Run, Andrew!

Run for your chubby little life!

It was a pleasure flipping cups with you,
Erica! I love you!

[screams]

So, yeah, I thought maybe I was ready
to hook up at a high school party,

but now I'm thinking
all men should be in jail.

I'm sorry. I'm sure you had a rough night,

but I just watched Coach Steve
get his hand blown apart.

Oh, and let us take you somewhere
a little more private

where we can slather you in goat butter.

That sounds so hot.

Yes, degrees Celsius
for one half hour, two half hour.

[both chuckle]

[Jay] Hey, I thought you went home.

I have to calm down first.

Women get a bad Uber rating
when they look upset.

Well, thanks for stopping Kurt
from b*ating my brains out.

Uh, don't get it twisted, honey.

You saved me first because you think
I'm, like, too beautiful to die.

You are pretty g*dd*mn breathtaking.

Oh yeah? Well, you're...

Wait, hold the phone.
What did you just say?

I want you, Lola. I want you bad.

No! I can't.

For you see, my enlarged heart
has been torn asunder,

and another boy is not the answer.

But I'm not just another boy.

Exactly. You're the same boy.

And like a crocodile,
I cannot go backwards.

- But...
- I must forge ahead,

letting my snout lead me into new marshes,

and occasionally eating a goat.

[sniffles]

Ciao for now.

[sighs]

I'm sorry, Jay, but you know what?

It's okay to be sad.

[Sad Mitten] You can even cry
if it makes you feel better.

Thanks, Sad Mitten. And thanks, Steve.

For what? What'd I do?

Um, text me when you get home?

Yeah, uh, totally.

[sighs] I was right, huh?
Little big face can't get you off.

Yeah, and I'm not even sure
we could hang out anymore.

It's just gonna be so awkward after...

He saw your little tiny titties?

Yeah. And I saw his.

Well, that was super weird,

but I guess it would have been worse
if we kept going?

Hey, man, you can always stop
in the middle of a hookup.

It says so right here
in the Dickclaration of Pussypendence.

Rick, this is
the Declaration of Independence.

Aw, man, I stole the wrong thing!

- Rick! No, no, no! Oh my gosh.
- Stupid thing. g*dd*mn.

♪ We don't have to take our clothes off ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ To have a good time ♪

♪ Oh no ♪

♪ We could dance and party all night ♪

- ♪ All night ♪
- ♪ We can dance all night ♪

♪ And drink some cherry wine ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ We don't have to take our clothes off ♪

♪ No, no, no ♪

♪ To have a good time ♪

♪ Oh no ♪

♪ We could dance and party all night ♪

- ♪ All night ♪
- ♪ And drink some cherry wine ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na-na-na ♪

♪ Na, na ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na-na-na ♪

♪ Na, na ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na-na-na ♪

♪ Na, na ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na-na-na ♪

Chirp.