02x03 - Mom's Best Friend

[bunniefuu]

Listen to me, all of you.

Turn off your TVs, read a book.

Hey, I just read something last week.

Ms.

Sanchez, the latest issue of some new fanzine doesn't count.

What about you, Mr.

Gordon? What have you read in the last week? Um A Hundred Years of Solitude On The Road, Seven Pillars of Wisdom and Schnozzola: The Jimmy Durante Story.

You see I was trying to make a point that you kids don't read enough.

Kind of cut my legs off there.

Oh, uh, sorry about that.

I'm assigning a book report.

Why are they groaning? I like reading: Harry Potter, Eloise books about cats who solve crimes.

It's schoolwork you can do lying down.

I want all the girls to read The Orchids and Gumbo Poker Club which is about mother-daughter relationships and social climbing.

Mother-daughter relationships? And I want all the boys to read A River Runs Through It which is about father-son relationships and trout.

That's good eating.

I actually like reading but about mother-daughter relationships? I get enough of that at home.

"Darcy Lou quietly removed her gloves set them on the divan and blew out the candle.

After that, there was only night and stars and the memory of love.

" End of chapter five.

It's so beautiful.

She's so sad.

She loves her mom.

That's so beautiful! Waah! If you believe We've got a picture-perfect plan We've got you fooled 'Cause we only do the best we can And sometimes we make it And sometimes we fake it But we get one step closer each and every day We'll figure it out on the way.

Lizzie McGuire S02E03 Mom's Best Friend We're in a lull, Lanny.

We need to come up with something to do.

You're right.

It's the wrong time of the year for rocket-powered skiing.

Come on.

There's got to be something that we can do.

Think.

Think, think, think.

So now we got a chimp.

That's something to work with.

This is so cool! Hiya, little fellow.

My name's Matt and this is Lanny.

Hey, don't do that.

We're just trying to be friends.

Hey! Hey, whoa! Cool it! What did we do? All right, how many times do I have to tell you guys to keep it down? -Who did that? -He did.

Who? The chimp.

There was a monkey in here and he ran around and went nuts and busted my lamp.

You going to stick with that story? 'Cause if you are, the lamp's coming out of your allowance.

And quit roughhousing.

But Lanny, I think we got ourselves a bad chimpanzee.

"Tallulah was on the veranda with a look on her face like a bayou cloudburst.

" "Darcy Lou watched her through the French doors like staring into a thousand futures.

" Mama I'm fixing to go now, Mama.

Before you go, Darcy Lou I I I want you to have this.

Oh, Mama, it's the bracelet that Ben Turpin gave you.

Why are you giving it to me, Mama? Oh, sugar, wherever you go well, that's where my heart and soul have to be.

And when I die and sink beneath the bayou mud part of me will always be with you.

Oh, Mama! Mama! I want us to be friends.

Friends forever.

Oh, I'm so glad, sweet potato.

And I can finally say it: Welcome to the Orchids and Gumbo Poker Club.

Oh, Mama Oh, it's good to be here, Mama.

It is so good to be here.

Mama, Mama, Mom! I want us to be friends.

That's great, sweetie.

Sam, did you hear that? Uh-huh.

Can she keep it down? Would you look at her? She is gorgeous.

We're friends, aren't we, honey? I don't mean friends like you drop me off at soccer practice and I get you a vanilla-scented candle for Mother's Day.

I mean friends like two women that share everything with each other.

Like the type of friends that you see on Oprah.

And you've got to do it now before you sink beneath the bayou mud.

How could she not make the finals? Come on, judge, just look at her posture her poise-- she's spectacular.

Look, Honey, I'm not planning on sinking beneath any mud anytime soon but if you want to be closer than we already are I can't think of anything I'd rather do.

We'll start our own Orchids and Gumbo Poker Society.

Okay.

Whatever that is, sounds good to me.

Those stupid judges! How could that German Shepherd win best in show? The Bernese Mountain Dog was ten times prettier.

That's it.

I'm never watching the Westchester Kennel Club again.

Matt! Matt! Whoa.

What happened in here? Why don't you tell me? -I didn't do this.

-Who do you suppose did? You're right, Lanny.

It was that dang, dirty ape.

You're still pretending there's some chimpanzee around here doing all the things you don't want to get blamed for? But there is.

That's it, you're both grounded.

What? You can't ground Lanny.

He's not your kid.

You're right, you're grounded twice as long, Matt.

Lanny, help him clean up the kitchen.

What? This is an evil chimp.

We got a chimp to catch.

-I'm hungry.

-Yeah, well I'm thirsty.

Hey, you guys.

Lizzie's mom is with her! Um, hey, Mrs.

McGuire.

She's sitting down.

Hey, guys, what's going on? Nothing.

Nothing at all.

We haven't done anything.

We didn't break your hobo figurine.

It was like that when we got there.

It's okay.

I never liked it anyway.

Sam's cousin Ree Ree gave it to me for my birthday.

So, uh Mrs.

McGuire you're, uh dropping Lizzie off? No, no.

She's going to hang out with us.

-Oh.

-Why? Because we're friends, we hang.

You know what, I'm going to go to the ladies' room and check my makeup.

You want to come, sweet potato? I'll be there in a minute, Tallulah.

All right, she left.

What's really going on? I told you, I want to be friends with my mom.

Why? Because Orchids and Gumbo made me realize that it's really important to spend time with your mother.

Parents scrape and sacrifice to provide us with shelter, support and guidance and in return we have as little to do with them as possible.

It's nature's law.

Yeah.

It's like you come home and they ask, "What did you do today?" And we say, "Nothing.

" And they ask, "Well, what are you doing tonight? You say, "I don't know.

" And they ask "Why don't you ever talk to us?" We say "Why can't you just leave me alone?!" And you run upstairs.

As little communication as possible.

It prepares us for marriage.

Hello.

When are you guys going to grow up? Grow up.

Grow up, grow up, grow up! Well, I want a more mature relationship with my mom.

I mean, she's already gone through all this stuff that I'm going through right now.

We can totally relate and support each other.

And she can drive.

That's a plus.

Your pot looks like an uncoordinated elephant seal.

Well, your pot looks like an uncoordinated elephant seal sat on it.

Oh! I have something for you.

Mom! Fine.

I've got something for you, too.

Here.

Oh It's a broken piece of pointy plastic.

Thank you.

I love it.

I really shopped around.

How smart am I? Mom didn't fit into my world so we're friends in our own little world.

Sometimes it's like I'm too perfect.

Well, almost perfect.

Thanks for doing this with me.

We learned a new craftc and we got free facials.

This was a great idea you had, honey.

You know what? I think I'm tired of making pots.

I think I'm ready for a live human model.

Denzel Washington! Hello.

Oh, hi.

Again? No, I do take this seriously, but this keeps happening.

You know what? I can't talk right now.

I'm throwing pots.

I'm not throwing them at anyone.

I am It's what you call it when you make pots.

I can't talk.

I'm going to call you back later.

Bye.

What was that about? Nothing.

Come on, Mom, we're friends now.

We can talk about stuff.

Okay.

That was Nana and she was telling me that she wants a separation from Grandpa Chuck, and that she's thinking of moving out.

When I say you can tell me anything I mean too much information.

Nana? She says she's missing out on life she wants to go skiing in the Swiss Alps then eat sushi in Tokyo and-and go line dancing in Texas.

And that all Grandpa Chuck wants to do is sit around all day and yell at the television set.

When did they cancel Hogan's Heroes?! They're getting separated? Grandparents don't split up.

Grandparents give you money when your parents aren't looking.

She says this every year and they have never split up.

I'll go talk some sense into her she'll go to Vegas for the weekend.

The whole thing will blow over.

How come I've never heard about this before? 'Cause I didn't want to worry you kids over nothing.

But you know what? Now that you and I are getting closer it's nice having another woman to talk about it with.

Yeah, it's great.

So, Lizzie's taking a pottery class with her mom-- they're doing yoga they even went horseback riding.

Mmm, maybe it is possible to have fun hanging out with your parents.

It does sound fun; it just seems weird.

Yeah, well there's lots of weird stuff in this world: Tofu bacon, Harold's cat, country music.

Yeah, maybe Lizzie's onto something.

Maybe we should check it out.

Try hanging with our parents.

Yeah, I guess it's worth a try.

Can't be any weirder than tomato ice cream.

(Smokey Robinson & the Miracles - Mickey's Monkey) This isn't working, Lanny.

And we need to catch this chimp before he gets me grounded for life.

We need some foolproof monkey bait.

Hey, uh, Dad I was wondering if maybe you want to go fishing this weekend.

You know, just you and me? Do you feel all right, David? Yeah, why? Well, as-as a psychiatrist I'm aware that you're at a stage where it's normal for you to seek separation from your parents.

Yet you appear to desire closeness rather than distance.

Yeah, well, you never know what nutty thing I'll do next.

It's just that I've been reading A River Runs Through It, and it seems like it might be fun to go fishing.

Ah! Good luck.

Saturday's wide open.

We can leave at 6:30 breakfast at 7:00 uh, back on the road by 7:35.

We can be at Inspiration Overlook by 8:15 where we can enjoy the majesty of nature for up to ten minutes.

That leaves time for a spontaneous discussion of our place in the world and our emotional response to it.

What do you think, three minutes, five minutes? Three minutes.

Hey, baby.

Here's some clean towels.

Hey, they smell springtime fresh.

So, uh you want to be friends? What? You know, I thought we could hang out.

Go to the mall or something.

I-I'll get my purse.

-Really? -Are you kidding? I get to spend time with my daughter? I'll even buy you a new outfit.

And then you'll need some shoes to go with it.

And then we can go eat and then I'll take you to Baubles 'R Us and you can get some new makeup and some new things for your hair.

I need to go get ready.

I'm still a little worried about your Nana.

She went to Vegas like she always does when she's upset.

but this time when she came home she was still unhappy with Grandpa Chuck.

And she'd won four bingo jackpots.

I like being friends but why can't we just make pots and cut out all the drama? I guess it's just one of those times when you have to wait and see how it all turns out.

Like we did when your dad had that big tax problem.

Dad had tax problems? Oh, yeah, the government said we owed them a lot of money.

I mean we thought we were going to lose the house, everything.

No more.

No more! It all turned out to be a big mistake.

Your dad's social security number is one digit different from Bill Gates.

So, that explains why the government thought we owed them $618 million.

Oh, my gosh.

I-I just remembered.

I have, like, a ton of homework.

It's going to take me hours.

You need help? I think I better do this on my own.

I mean, how else am I going to learn? Bye.

Where are you going?! Wait! Wait up! Uh-oh.

Whoa! What? Matt? Matt! All right, so there is a monkey.

Hey, give me those bananas.

Matt! Hey, Matt! Good toss, Lanny.

It's okay, Dad.

Uh, we got him.

Lanny was right.

He knew if you got caught in our banana trap the chimp couldn't resist but coming out and laughing at you.

Yeah, son, you know the next time you tell me there's a chimp loose in the house I'm going to believe you.

I'm sorry.

You know, I think we all learned a lot from this.

Yep.

You've learned to trust me more and I've learned that you make great monkey bait.

Lizzie, you out here? Uh-huh.

Aw, man, she tracked me down.

Well, I just talked to Nana.

Grandpa Chuck bought her a single red rose took her out for Mongolian barbecue.

Everything's fine.

All she needed was a night out with her husband.

Honey, I can't tell you how great it has been having you to talk all this out with.

Yeah, it's been great, Mom.

You're welcome.

Is everything okay? Yeah.

Everything's fine.

I mean, Nana and Grandpa Chuck are back together so it's all good.

I guess I freaked out for no reason.

You freaked out? No.

I did.

I didn't want to, Mom.

I wanted to be there for you but Nana and Grandpa Chuck were splitting up Dad was having tax problems, and I-I Honey, I'm I'm really sorry.

I really didn't want to upset you.

I know, but I did get upset so maybe I'm just not ready for this sort of thing yet.

The kind of stuff I'm ready for is How do I get Ethan Craft to like me? AndAm I having a good hair day? I'm barely ready for that.

I like doing stuff together, Mom and feeling like I can share things with you.

But maybe we'll just have to wait for a few years.

Is that okay? Sure.

I'm going to miss you, sweet potato.

I'm going to miss you, too, Mom.

But I'm glad to know that we can be friends.

So am I.

And I know it's going to be worth the wait.

Why don't you hang on to this until then.

Oh.

It's your pointy hunk of broken plastic.

And it's very, very precious to me.

So, you can give it back to me when we're ready to be friends.

Okay? Okay.

I just want you to know that you're an evil, demon chimp and I never want to see your evil face again.

Hi.

You called about our chimp? Yeah.

There you are, Fredo.

I am so glad you found him.

He's such a little sweetheart, isn't he? -Time to go home.

-I missed you.

I know you ran off, Fredo.

You broke my heart.

So, Chinese food tonight? And then she bought me these new earrings and five things of lip gloss and a really cool sweater.

And yet you don't seem too happy.

Well, she was so happy to spend time with me that she was going to buy me everything in the mall.

I felt so guilty.

Bad time for your conscience to kick in.

Tell me about it.

Oh, so how was the fishing? Ah, it didn't happen.

During our 8:15 appreciation of the majesty of nature we were the target of an unscheduled skunk att*ck.

I spent the entire day bathing in tomato juice.

Yeah.

Um, you smell like a-a pine tree.

-That's because I'm wearing a car air freshener.

-Oh.

Hey, you guys.

Hey.

Hi, Mrs.

McGuire.

So, I'm going to see you at home later? You're not staying? No.

I'm just dropping Lizzie off and getting some coffee to go.

So, um, why aren't you hanging out with your mom? I-I think things just didn't work out.

It's tough hanging out with parents.

They have their world and we have ours.

It's a bad idea to mix them.

Yeah, bad idea.

Ready and action.

Listen to me, all of you.

Blah! That's it.

That's it.

Oh, it's okay, go on.

You're right, Lanny.

You're right, Lanny.

You're Stop smiling.

I'm talking to my mom about guys and I'm not even embarrassed.

I'm turning into a grownup as we speak.

Whoa! Go! Hold on.

Hold on.

Okay.

We need some new bananas, though.