01x25 - Glasses Half Fail/Burt's Biggest Boom

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪

♪ One, two, three! ♪

Cadets, learning is not

just obstacle courses

and physical pain.

Which is why you have

an educational speaker today.

Please welcome,

Ultra Steve,

from the planet... Ultra.

[applause]

Greetings, cadets.

I am here to talk to you

about responsibility-

[Burt]

Boring!

For example,

my responsibility

is to take care

of these glasses.

[Burt]

Boring!

Quite the opposite.

These glasses

are the last of their kind,

and they super-charge

the greatest attribute

of anyone

who wears them.

[Burt]

Not so boring!

My special attribute

is r-r-rolling

my r-r-r-r's.

But what if they ended up

on the wrong face?

Never happen,

but if it did

the results would be...

catastr-r-rophic!

So you don't think

my greatest skill

is my basket weaving?

Oh. I see.

Well.

Then it's probably, uh,

my psychic ability

to explode planets!

How do you like

those baskets?

You do not need

super glasses

to be super responsible.

Each one of us has

the responsibility

to be a responsible person

and needs to take

that responsibility

very seriously.

So get out there

and be super responsible!

[applause]

Pretty rad of Colonel Cork

to trust us

with sweeping up duty.

I could take a pass.

[gasps]

Guys, check it out!

Ultra Steve's glasses?

[gasps]

Should we return them?

Of course we should.

Hold on.

Hold on.

The glasses make

people awesome

at what they're already

awesomest at...

Awesome.

We need someone brave,

bold and really tough.

Heh!

A true leader

to where these glasses

and deliver them back

to Ultra Steve!

Yeah.

That makes sense!

Wow, strong prescription.

Now, first things first.

Let's give my new ultra

leadership skills a test run!

Behold!

The Razor Toothed

Plutonian Gorilla enclosure!

This gorilla is one

of the most vicious,

untamable-

And adorable!

Creatures in all

the universe!

[roars]

Stop!

He didn't bite!

The glasses seem

to be working,

but I need to be sure.

[teeth chattering]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[toilet flushes]

Hey, President

Skillsworthy!

Hey, Mister President

Skillsworthy!

Hello, President!

My turn!

Burt!

What are you doing?

It's only fair I get a chance

to use the glasses

since I also have

so many best attro...

actra...

attach -

Attributes.

No, great qualities!

Time to find out which one

these babies will amplify.

Super smell?

Super typing?

Super-OOF!

Nice try.

Hey, I didn't get to

find out my super-quality!

Maybe Ultra Steve

will let you try them...

maybe.

If I can tame this

ferocious beast

to be so peaceful,

then maybe I should keep

the glasses on for good.

Yeah?

Well, I also have a lot

of strong qualities,

like intuition

and positivity

and remembering

people's birthdays.

Happy birthday, Burt!

It's not my birthday.

See?

I would have known that

if I had the glasses on.

And I also

would have known

I was gonna do this.

-Do what?

-Yoink!

Wait,

those are mine!

Ah, she's really good!

Let's stop her before she-

[growls]

I could really use

those glasses now.

And I could

really use a diaper.

Time to save

the universe,

one sweet soul

at a time.

[Prof MyBad]

Oh dear.

[sighs]

Professor MyBad,

what's troubling you?

You can tell me.

Hmmm?

Oh, hello, Kirbie.

Why nothing's troubling me,

I'm just, um-

Cats disrespecting

you at home?

Your mom's

raised your rent?

Haven't had a good

poop yet today?

No, no, I'm fine.

Uh, say, when did

you get glasses?

A-ha!

It's your job, isn't it?

I can sense your

vocational anguish!

What aren't you

getting from it?

What?

Tell me!

Tell my glasses!

Well, I have always wanted

to be in charge of something...

dangerous...

Uh, like cloning

the school Centaur...

Or leading

a student expedition

to the Planet

of Blunt Trauma!

I knew it!

But, whenever

I ask the Colonel,

he laughs me out

of the office...

then down the hall...

and out the door...

and into my car...

Well, we're gonna

change that!

-You will?

-Yep!

You, me...

and these glasses...

[burps]

Ugh.

Good gravy that smells

like bad gravy!

[gags]

I assumed my greatest

attribute was intuition,

but according to

these glasses

it appears to be

my burps!

Kirbie!

Gimmie the glasses!

-Why?

-Because you won't believe-

[Col. Cork]

Attention students.

Go to your rooms

immediately!

Someone has left

the Razor Toothed Gorilla

enclosure open.

The mother is on the loose

searching for her baby.

Because what he said!

I've gotta go save the school

from that gorilla!

[Burt]

I got 'em!

Nope.

Don't got 'em.

You mean lead

a dangerous mission?

[gasps]

Herby!

I've got this one.

You do?

I... do.

[roars]

Sounds like it's

just up ahead!

Professor, time to face

your dream danger.

Danger's my middle name,

which is a lie.

And liars...

are dangerous.

Off I go!

[screams]

Herby! Give me the glasses

to go save him!

No, give me the glasses!

Never!

Guys, stop!

[Prof. MyBad]

Somebody help me!

The glasses are telling

me we can do this

if we work together

with the glasses.

Kirbie! Burp!

[burps]

Oh, thank you

for saving me

from the danger

I requested.

No problem.

Look out!

Run!

[roars]

I regret everythi--

Herby, why aren't you

using the glasses

to lead us to safety?

What?

I thought you

had the glasses!

[Burt]

Burt has them!

Best quality,

best quality.

Uh, stunning looks?

Brawn?

Gorgeous hands?

Aw, geez this

prescription is strong.

Nice one, Burt.

Way to use your head!

My head?

That's it!

My best quality

is my smarts-ness!

I, Burt, am going

to save the academy

by using my Brian!

Brain.

Hey, Gorilla!

[strains]

[grunting]

When do the super

powers kick in?

[roars]

[screams]

I can't look!

Fetch!

Huh?

How did these get

on my face-OOF!

Hey, this totally works!

The glasses are on Cork

and his greatest skill

is on the b*ttlefield!

That ape doesn't

stand a chance.

Nice one, guys!

And my greatest

skill must be

throwing glasses

onto faces!

[Cork grunting]

Um, that doesn't

sound so good in there.

What if combat

isn't Cork's best quality?

When did you

get here, buddy?

[growls]

Wait, he wants to be

reunited with his mom!

[growls]

Maybe she's so happy

to have her baby

that she'll

leave us alone?

[growls]

Colonel Cork!

Why didn't the glasses

help you become stronger?

What are you rambling

about, cadet?

These glasses,

which we should probably

get back to Ultra Steve.

Oh yeah, that guy!

Wait, these say

"Property Of Melvin Gorch"?

That's me!

Did you find my glasses?

So these aren't

awesomesausonium glasses

from Planet Ultra?

[laughs]

I wish.

I lost them in

the auditorium the other day.

Hey, thanks!

So the special abilities

were inside us all along?

[burps]

But, wait, how did I

tame a Plutonian Gorilla

if the glasses weren't

made of awesomesausonium?

Baby gorillas are

docile in the day

and only go berserk

at dinner time,

which is right about...

[screams]

[pained groans

and impact grunts]

-Hey, Burt?

-Shh!

B-Town?

Burtochamus?

[shushes]

Whatcha watching?

[Burt]

The Doctor Boom Show. Shh!

[♪♪♪]

♪ Well, Doctor

Boom is who I am, ♪

♪ Watch as things

go KABLAM. ♪

♪ Some go POP,

others S'PLODE, ♪

♪ Here on my cable

access show. ♪

That's our show,

good night

and good BOOM.

So this Doctor Boom guy

just blows stuff up?

That's his whole show?

Yeah, Kirbie, it's been my

favourite show since forever!

Huh.

Kinda weird

we didn't know that.

Well, how's that

possible, Herby?

I have all the Doctor B

swag currently available.

I have a Doctor B shovel,

Doctor B litter box,

I got a Doctor B glasses

repair kit too -

woohoo!

-Where's he going?

-I dunno.

[distant thud]

Want free tickets

to tomorrow's live taping?

Call us now.

[snoring]

Oh Burt.

We've got

a surprise for you.

Guess what it is?

We got tickets

to Doctor Boom.

[snores]

It'll take a second for it

to reach his unconscious brain.

Really?

[both]

Yup!

Really?

Yup!

Really?

Yup!

Really?

Yes.

Really?

Burt.

We're here.

You're the best

friends ever!

These tickets must've cost

you like a million dollars.

-Well...

-Pretty close.

Welcome to

the Doctor Boom Show!

How many of you

have been here before?

[cheering]

Well, you guys

are in for a treat.

It's time for...

Doctor Boom!

[♪♪♪]

[crowd cheers]

When I was a boy,

there was nothing

I disliked more

than doing laundry.

[all boo]

[laughs]

Who am I kidding?

I still hate

doing laundry.

[audience cheers]

Count with me!

Three...

Two...

And...

[producer]

Cut!

Huh?

Okay, on three we pretend

there was a big expl*si*n.

Give me your

best reaction.

One... Two...

Kaboom!

[crowd cheers]

But, there was no...

why are we...

why didn't the...

Good job audience.

Take five while we set-up

the next "expl*si*n".

Hey, which one of you

wanted to meet Doctor Boom?

Him. That guy.

Burt. He does!

Doctor Boom

is Burt's hero.

We brought him here.

Because we're

great friends.

Do I have time

to hit the bathroom?

I'm working on a little

expl*si*n of my own

if you know

what I saying.

Ugh!

Hi, always happy

to meet a fan.

It's so great

to meet you.

You're the best

person ever!

That said...

Where was the expl*si*n?

Is it coming later?

Do you blow them

all up at the end?

[chuckles]

Let me guess.

You watch

the show at home

and want to know where all

the cool explosions are.

Alright, well,

that man is Brian...

Our special effects guy.

He edits the

explosions in later.

Ohh.

I do not understand.

Well, real explosions

are dangerous.

They'd never let

an actor blow stuff up

in a studio

full of people.

Hello? Heh.

You're an actor?

Oh, my real name

is actually--

Doctor Boom

is not an "actor".

He's a real Doctor.

He's an expert

in combustions

involving supersonic

exothermic fronts

violently accelerating

through mediums

in which energy

is transmitted outward

as a shock wave.

Whoa.

My real name is Ken.

I'm just an actor,

and that was way over my head.

[gasps]

Uh oh.

Enjoy the show!

Watermelons.

I don't trust 'em.

Do you trust watermelons?

Heck no!

Children of

the studio audience!

We have been lied to!

It's fake!

It's all fake-ity

fakeness!

We should all walk

out of here right now!

Are you with me?

Come on, who's with me?

How could you

do this to me?

Do what?

We didn't know it was all

a big fakey-fakeness.

The kabooms aren't real.

They were never real!

Everything's a lie!

Did the tickets really

even cost a billion dollars?

No, they were

actually free.

More lies!

The only things that kablammed

today were my dreams.

And I blame you!

I feel terrible.

Burt was crushed.

Like when you

step on a beetle

and you hear that

[crunching noises]

and the guts are all just

[oozing noises].

I bet he's

already over it.

[both gasp]

[♪♪♪]

♪ My friends took my dreams, ♪

♪ Tied em' up

with ropes, ♪

♪ Put em' on a truck, ♪

♪ And shipped off

my hopes. ♪

♪ Yep they done did.... ♪

See?

He's working through it.

I didn't know

he could play the guitar.

♪ Threw my desires

in the toilet, ♪

♪ flushed em' all away... ♪

♪ Dumped 'em

in the junk yard ♪

♪ where the raccoons play... ♪

♪ Put 'em in a trash bin ♪

♪ on collection day... ♪

♪ Was like a kick

to the coin purse ♪

♪ on a rainy day... ♪

♪ Now I'm layin' in a puddle ♪

♪ [sniffles] and that's

where I'll stay... ♪

♪ There sure are

a lot of words ♪

♪ that end with

"ayyyyy". ♪

Wow, that song was

over an hour long.

When did you write it?

I just made it up,

easy as pie

to write about pain

when your friends run

over your hope and dreams

with an eighteen-wheeler

of lies.

♪ My soul is road k*ll

on the highway. ♪

[gasps]

Why don't you

make a kaboom?

I no longer have

a passion for blastin'.

My new mission is

to share my suffering

with the world

through this here gui-tar.

If he's done

with kabooms,

we gotta find him

a new passion.

Because his music...

ugh, it's just brutal.

[breath intake]

Yeah...

yeah it is.

What can I do for you,

dream K*llers?

Well, since you're done

with kabooming,

we thought we'd help you

find a new love.

There ain't no lovin'

with a broken heart.

Plus, I gots

my singin' now.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Threw my desires-- ♪

[screams angrily]

That was an accident.

If I no longer have my guitar

for companionship,

the only other option

is to have no

companionship at all.

I'm outta here.

Burt!

We looked

everywhere for you!

What are you doing?

[Burt]

Isn't it obvious? I'm a rancher.

This is silly.

All we wanted to do

was something nice for you.

Sure it didn't go

as planned,

but you're taking

this too far.

Let's go home.

We want the old Burt back.

The old Burt is gone...

along with his

crushed dreams.

The only friends I need now

are the big blue sky

and the dirt

between my toes.

Let's get out

of here, Kirbie.

Like you said,

the Burt we love...

is gone.

[Kirbie] Our jet-packs!

What happened to them?

I think

the question is -

who's footprint

is that?

[roars]

Run!

[growls]

Run for that hill!

[roars]

[roars]

[expl*si*n]

-Burt!

-Our jetpacks?

You rewired them

into a kaboom?

Explosions come and go...

well, you know,

mainly go...

but you guys

are the real b*mb.

[horn honks]

[all cough]

[all]

Doctor Boom?

This is my limo

and I was just on my way

to get new fake teeth

when I saw-

You saw Burt's big kaboom!

You made that?

It looked amazing.

Way better than

the fakey-fake kind we do on TV.

Look, our ratings

are down, and you know,

something like this

may just be what we need

to turn them

back around.

From now on,

I'm going to demand

that all explosions on

the show be completely,

one hundred

percent kabooms.

[screams]

[Doctor Boom]

Get ready, kids.

Today we're working

with real antimatter

for the biggest

boom yet!

Grip yourselves.

Enjoy!

[expl*si*n]

[bars and tone sound]

♪ Three! ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪