01x14 - Boot Camp, Shmoot Camp/Two's a Crowd

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪

♪ One, two, three! ♪

It was SUPPOSED to be

a simple fire drill!

[distant fire alarm]

Well, you said fire drill,

and you can't really

have a fire drill

without a fire, right?

You weren't very clear then.

Besides, it's only one gym.

I wish that were true,

President Skillsworthy.

Alright, Cadets,

as you know,

today is jet pack

maintenance day...

[Kirbie]

This one totally works!

[fire alarm]

...which led to the unveiling

of the newest gym.

Alright, cadets--

[fire alarm]

Yeah...

I dunno what to tell ya.

It seems Herby,

Kirbie, and Burt

have been uncharacteristically

irresponsible this week.

Agreed.

I'll expel them immediately.

You know, I once had

a student like them--

Unruly, unteachable,

stubborn as a mule

in a mud pit...

Do you know what

I did with that student?

Abandoned him in

an asteroid field

and never spoke

of it again?

I decided to

believe in him,

and got him to

believe in himself

by running him through

drill after drill

until he became

one of the best cadets

this school has

ever seen.

Dismissed!

Uh, okay.

Um, I will not

fail you...

them...

uh, me?

I will transfer them

into Cork-Caliber-Cadets!

[Skillsworthy]

Stop saluting my door!

I wasn't.

Is it just me,

or did Cork seem upset

about all those fires?

Well it's not like anyone

can "prevent" fire.

-Fifteen!

-Sixteen!

-Seventeen!

-Eighteen!

Nineteen...

-Oof!

-Attentio--

[choking]

Twenty!

That still counts as a point.

I win!

No way!

It has to be Burt's mouth.

It's still a tie.

[choking]

Champion!!

Aw, man!

I'm takin' you three

to Boot Camp.

You will learn the basic

survival skills and discipline

befitting a true

Oober Doober cadet.

-Alright.

-Cool!

My ship departs in five.

Be on it!

-[choking]

-And help your choking friend.

[Kirbie grunts,

Burt chokes]

[Cork]

Oof! [growl]

Boot camp with Cork?

Yet another opportunity to prove

we're the best cadets on campus?

Let's do this!

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪]

This abandoned planet is where

I will turn you

into elite cadets.

We will learn

resourcefulness, discipline,

and the ingenuity

needed to survive

and become true explorers

of this vast universe.

Let's begin.

[♪♪♪]

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[♪♪]

Ooh, can I ask

a question, Sir?

Of course, Kirbie.

Questions are how you learn.

Thank you.

If I'm stranded on a freezing

cold planet and I fart,

will it freeze inside

or outside of my pants?

-Ewwww!

-Good question.

[growl]

Do any of you

have any questions...

about what we are doing?

Oh! How much longer

do we have to do it?

[growl]

Until I say...

STOP!!

Now follow me!

You've crashed on

an uncharted planet

and are being

pursued by aliens

that want to eat you.

You've climbed a tree

to escape them...

Bad idea.

What do we know

about these aliens?

But they've found you,

and are climbing up to get you.

Told you it was a bad idea.

Maybe they just

want a new friend.

[gasp]

Maybe they just wanna talk!

You need to make

a zipline, fast.

Cadets need to be

prepared for any situation.

After duct tape, a grappling g*n

is your best friend.

A Cadet should have

one handy at all times.

If you can zipline

to the next tree,

you live.

Wait 'til I'm safely across,

then, one at a time,

fire your own grappling line

and follow.

Well, I guess

I should go first.

-No, me!

-No, me!

[all three argue,

shouting "No, me!"]

[gasp]

[Cork screams]

Kirbie, fire into the tree!

[screaming into distance]

Did not see that coming.

[screaming on approach]

Doh!

Gah!

[shout]

[various animals cry out]

Sir, are you okay?

[pained groan]

I think my leg is broken.

Phew!

At least it's not both legs.

You three are

the sorriest excuses

for Oober Doober students

I have EVER seen,

and you will NEVER graduate!

Wait, are you just saying that

to motivate us?

Get me to my ship,

NOW!

[tree creaking and cracking]

[truck horn honking]

So, uh...

What's next?

[groan]

We're sorry if we

failed you, Colonel.

[sigh]

It's me who failed you.

It's funny...

I was once just like you.

A young girl?

[others snicker]

I thought I knew everything,

could do whatever I wanted,

and didn't have to

listen to anyone.

One day,

a long, long time ago...

My parents bought me a kite.

They told me it

was mine to enjoy,

as long as I didn't

let my little brother fly it,

no matter what.

I thought my parents

were being paranoid.

"What could happen?"

I said.

And that's when it happened...

The siren call of

the ice cream truck.

I let my guard down,

and disaster struck!

[sad growl]

Your little brother

disappeared forever?

Well, no.

He landed in an eagle's nest

four towns away.

My parents were furious!

And little Timmy thought

he was a baby bird for weeks!

[Herby]

And the kite?

[Cork]

Lost forever...

Lost to my youthful

indifference to the rules.

But you still got

ice cream, right?

No, Burt,

I didn't.

In fact, I haven't

eaten ice cream since.

[gasp]

Why are you telling us

these horror stories?!

The very next day,

my parents sent me

to Oober Doober

to learn some discipline

and responsibility.

Back then,

President Skillsworthy

was the Colonel in charge.

I didn't want to be

there at first,

but he took me out here

for boot camp,

trained me,

and made me into

the man I am today.

I wrote down

everything I learned,

and it's what he had

asked me to teach you.

I've never failed at

carrying out an order...

until now.

It is my lack of leadership

that has us here

with no supplies,

no shelter,

and no way home.

Death should come in

to hours...

Good night.

[Kirbie]

Poor Colonel Cork.

I can't believe he thinks

he failed us.

He's talking nonsense!

How is a horrible story

about a kite, a journal,

and not getting ice cream

supposed to help us?

Burt!

You're a genius!

Pfft! Doesn't take a genius

to love ice cream.

No, the story,

the journal!

We're not gonna let Cork

fail THIS mission.

And it might just

save our lives, too.

[♪♪♪]

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[groan]

Eh?

[panicked shout]

What is happening?!

[scream]

Oh no!

What are you doing?!

The-- the--

treeeeeeee!!

[shouting in pain]

[scream]

But... how?

How did you do this?

It's just like you

taught us, Colonel.

By applying resourcefulness,

discipline, and ingenuity,

we figured out

how to get us home!

...And we read your diary.

Journal!

But you...

You learned something?!

Using your notes, we figured out

a way to get back home.

We can even navigate it...

kind of.

I never thought I'd say this,

but great work, Cadets.

I don't think I've ever been

more proud to call you students.

Now steer this ever-loving

contraption into the strato--

[screaming]

[screaming]

[Herby] Wait, does this thing

work in space?

Cadets,

one day you will all

be full fledged explorers;

rummaging through every

nook and cranny of the galaxy.

One day.

As for right now,

some of you

couldn't find the nose

on your face!

-Found it!

-[both cheer]

[sigh]

To prepare you for the future,

you will be going on a series

of target allocation

and retrieval missions.

Understood?

[sighs]

A scavenger hunt.

You will be going on

a scavenger hunt.

[All]

Ohh!

Okay!

I get it now!

Team up in groups of two

and find the items on this list.

Let's see;

two, two, two,

three...

Hold on!

I said groups of two,

not three!

No-no.

I'm partners with Burt.

And I'm partners

with Herby.

And I'm partners

with Kirbie.

Wha- Well,

that doesn't work.

Fine.

I'll be partners

with Burt.

Kirbie, you're with me.

Better?

Two.

I said two.

Someone's having a little

trouble with basic math.

[angry groan]

There!

We make one,

and Kirbie makes two!

No-no-no!

You can't

all be together!

One of you will

have to partner with...

who's even left?

Betty Soo?

[sighs]

Betty, pick one of these

three to be your partner.

Don't worry,

there are no right answers.

That's a negative, sir.

It wouldn't be fair.

How do you figure?

Both my parents are cops

so basically I've got

the investigatory skills of two.

Give me a partner [laughs]

and it's practically cheating.

So, why were you waiting

here the whole time?

Giving everyone

a head start.

Betty Soo, pick one.

That's an order.

[sniffing]

This one-- I like that

he's not big into showers.

Shows loyalty to

his body smell.

Dismissed!

-Sir, yes sir!

-Remember me!

All clear.

Destination: achieved.

Now, what's the target,

ride along?

Ride along?

That's what you call it

when civilians spend the day

with real cops.

But you're not a cop,

and Cork said we're partners.

Don't worry, kid.

Leave the work to me

and try not to get in the way.

Wah!

"Capture a rare creature

and return it to class

for analysis."

Too boring...

Too easy...

No challenge.

Oh, hello there,

Betty Soo- whoa!

Creature detained!

[grunting efforts]

See?

This is why

I didn't want a partner!

Stop goofin' around.

[sigh]

Detect...

ra-di-o-ac-tiv-i-ty?

Well, that's easy!

Burt must have something

in his locker.

I miss him so much.

I hear ya, bud...

I hear ya.

Retrieve secret files

from locked box.

Solve mathematical equation

for combo to unlock.

What is five times five?

Ugh.

I'm a cop

not a calculator.

Do you know math?

[grunt]

Do you know how strong you are?

Well, I don't know math,

but I do know something else

that can get us in there.

Ha!

The files!

If I weren't so impressed,

I might arrest you for making

an unauthorized expl*sive!

Maybe I

underestimated you.

Thanks!

Item three...

Detect radioactivity.

Why are we out this far when we

coulda just went to my locker?

I don't just win, Burt.

I win BIG.

It looks kinda

dangerous in there.

Good thing my parents

taught me aggressive driving.

They're cops.

Did I mention that?

So...

how are we gonna do this?

[screams]

Come on, Burt!

Stop playing!

I'm trying!

Agh!

[impact grunts]

[impact grunts]

[giggles]

Ha ha, you did it!

Way to go, partner!

We make a great team.

[gasps]

Look out!

Ahh!

Find an unwanted

life form

in the cafeteria buffet.

Guys!

Burt!

How are things with Betty?

She--

Step back, sister.

You've got your own

partner to protect.

Right, pally?

Team Burty Soo!

Hoo-hah!

Look!

A tiny, unwanted lifeform!

I'm on it.

Cover me partner!

[sniffs]

[Burt groans]

Help me!

I need to get away from her!

Ouch.

Well, just tell her

she's stronger than she thinks.

[Betty-Soo]

Burt, I think I found it!

We'll switch you out with

this sock puppet that I...

just found.

-[Betty-Soo] Team Burty-Soo!

-[scream]

The criminal's

behind bars.

[Kirbie] Yeah, ha-ha-ha,

that's awesome partner.

[sniffs]

High five!

Oh!

How did that get there?

[nervous laughter]

[sniffs]

[sniffs]

Did they

put you in there?

Try any of that

funny business again

and I'll arrest you for

impersonating a police officer.

But, he's not

a police officer...

That's your warning.

C'mon, pal.

I got your back.

-Oof!

-[scream]

[laugh]

Wait up, partner!

Did you see that?

Yeah.

She smelled Burt through

a vat of tuna salad.

What a nose!

Yeah, but we

gotta help him!

[sighs]

Okay, so...

we have to find a constellation

and draw it.

I've got one for you...

right here.

[gasps]

Uhh, what's happening?

I don't know if I mentioned

that my parents are cops.

Yeah, that's come up

a few times.

They met on the job

when they were partnered up,

just like we did.

Then they got married...

just like we will.

Wha?

♪ [bridal march] ♪

[crying]

Um, now?

No, silly!

We're just engaged.

Now, I guess we just

gaze at the stars

and plan our wedding.

No!

I mean, wait!

Um, I have to give you

a ring or something, right?

Nah, I don't really care about

all that trivial stuff.

Partners for life

is what matters to me!

Oh, but I have one!

It's, uh,

it's in my locker.

Okay, bye!

[panting]

[panting]

Bingo!

[grunting effort]

[gasps]

Partner!

[fighting grunts]

Out of my way!

Police business!

Where's Burt?

He just left the Academy

in a desperate panic.

What?

We have to find him!

But, how?

With Betty Sue's nose!

Come on, Betty.

Use that expert sniffer!

[♪♪♪]

[sniffs]

Here, he was ejected

from this garbage hatch.

Warning,

aimed at sun...

Aimed at sun?

AGH!

Who would do this

to my fiance?

Let's go!

Wait. What?

[Burt]

Yep, I should've read about

the whole 'aimed at the sun'

stuff before I took off.

Ah, live and learn.

But, I had some

good times.

Opening the pod.

Getting in the pod.

Launching the pod.

I wish Herby and Kirbie

were here...

or that I had

a glass of water.

Any idea where

you'll get married?

Do you have a maid of honor?

Have you picked out

your flowers yet?

Do you know what shoes

you're gonna wear?

Do you need help

writing your vows?

Do you have an MC?

I'm very, very good

at public speaking.

It's pretty bright out there.

I don't see anything

but blinding sunlight!

Keep following

your nose!

[sniffs]

There!

I've got a lock!

We gotta hurry!

Here comes the bride!

Well, if this is my last meal,

I guess I could do worse than

bacon from the garbage can.

What's the plan, man?

I can't get much closer

or I'll burn up!

We sh**t the rope,

hook the pod,

then pull it back

to the Academy.

[Woody]

Not gonna happen, pal.

Pod's too heavy

for me to pull.

I'm not strong enough.

[gasps]

But Betty Soo is!

Gimme the rope.

Now!

[munching]

[munching]

I'm comin'!

And in last place,

by a lot,

Burt and Betty Soo.

So what's our next

assignment, partner?

No offence, but I'm gonna

stick to working alone.

You can't run a police station

by coming in last.

So...

the wedding's off?

Affirmative.

But, I'll always

have your back, Burt.

Awwww!

Three!

[♪♪♪]

Three!

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Three!

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Three!

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Three!

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Three!

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Three!