01x18 - Faking the Grade/The Colony

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ Three! ♪

♪ One, two, three! ♪

[Kirbie]

Hmm... This looks hard.

[Burt] All you gotta to do

is take the chalk

and get it up

Herby's nose.

What's this game

called, again?

Chalk up the nose.

It's more of an

art than a game.

Sure, Burt.

Very sophisticated.

Blindfold on.

Herby, no moving.

Those are the rules.

Here goes...

Nope.

[laugh]

Ow!

[gag]

So close!

[laugh]

You lose!

Someone's gotta chalk that nose!

It's just so smug.

Now let the master

show you how it's done.

I've never missed a nose.

♪ [dramatic chords] ♪

Bring it on.

[exaggerated

martial arts-style grunting]

Hey, you're moving!

Who, me?

No way!

[Herby yelping and shouting,

Burt grunting]

[bell ring]

Ha!

Saved by the bell.

[Burt]

Waaah!

Boom!

Nothin' but nose!

Nice one, buddy.

Good morning, class.

My cat ate today's test,

so we're going to...

Whoaaaahhhh!

Who did this?!

[anxious panting]

I can't lie!

It was us.

[sigh]

It was me.

I'll erase it.

Nooo!!

Not until I check your work!

Square roots...

boxy.

Decimals...

pointed.

Hypotenuses...

hypnotized!

-Do you know what this means?!

-Uh, detention?

No!

You've solved

the Infinity Equation!

The brainiest brains

in the galaxy

have been trying to

solve it forever!

-Boor-ing!

-What's it do?

The equation is

so complicated

that nobody knows

what it does--

Except one thing...

It proves you're

the smartest being alive!

[fart]

[gasp]

I knew it!

...and simply by gracing our

average minds with his presence,

this titan of knowledge,

this genius,

has brought prestige

to our Academy.

[growl]

There's no way

he solved that equation.

What's five plus five?

Easy.

It's two fives.

Now, now.

Don't insult his intelligence

with simple questions.

But he is clearly...

No buts.

But I have so many buts!

[Skillsworthy] Colonel Cork,

you're being disruptive.

But with a ceremony like this,

maybe it wasn't a fluke.

His mind is pretty unique.

I mean,

look at him go.

He's picking his nose and

his ear at the same time!

Wow-- He deserves a prize

for that alone.

[gasp]

Is there a prize?!

Wha? Oh...

[chuckle] Of course.

Burt, I hereby award you

the Genius Pass!

[audience gasps]

It gives you a rank

juuust above colonel.

[Col. Cork growls,

audience applauds]

-Who's this for?

-[chuckle]

-Go Burt!

-That's our genius!

[machine belches]

Ugh.

-Take what ya get.

-[growl]

Um, I'll take one pizza...

-[indecipherable whisper]

-With marshmallows...

-[whisper]

-Chocolate chips...

-[whispers]

-...and bubble gum!

Yeah, and I want a new job.

Why would I make you this?

Oh, because it's brain food...

...And this.

Yes, sir!

Right away sir!

Wrong... Wrong... Wrong...

You'll need to

do this test over.

You graded my test?

You're supposed

to take the test,

and then I grade it!

[groan]

Attennn-tion!

Today we engage in

the game of soccer...

Ugh.

....or as it's now called,

"soccerblammo."

[beeping sound from ball]

[expl*si*n]

♪ ['s-style funk] ♪

♪ ['s-style funk] ♪

Whoa, check it out!

Yes, adore me.

Ador--

[Donnettes gasp]

Oh, come on!

If he's so smart,

why's he still a cadet

and not a teacher, huh?

Good news, Burt!

I found you a

teaching position.

[growl]

We had to lose a professor,

but a brain like yours

deserves its own class.

Discovering a genius was

the dumbest thing I ever did.

Burt, you're not actually going

to let this happen, are you?

Hey, it's not my fault

he's not a full-throttle

brain ninja like me.

But Burt,

what would you even teach?

In Applied Chalk Up the Nose,

the important thing

is to BE the chalk.

Ow!

It's not working!

Well, you're not geniuses yet.

Smart harder!

[scream]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪]

Poor Mybad.

I want to support Burt,

but this feels wrong.

I don't care how much

my game's improved.

Relax...

[sneeze]

This is gonna be great.

Our best buddy's

the teacher!

Hey, Burt, mind if we

hit the snack machine?

If I let you hit

the snack machine,

I'd have to let

everybody.

[stomach growls]

Ah, I have an idea.

Let's get snacks!

[busy crowd chatter]

Empty?

No way!!

[chomp]

Gotta think fast.

Here, Herby--

if you're hungry,

I have a sandwich

in my locker.

-[Burt] You mean this one?

-How did you get that?

New open locker policy thingy.

You never know when a genius

is gonna need a pencil,

or a backpack,

or fresh underwear,

or... a sandwich!

But that's stealing.

Fact--

Geniuses never steal.

Just ask science!

Uh, y'know, Burt,

you're not the smartest

at everything.

Yeah?

What are you smarter at?

Uh, hello!

I b*at you at Hide and

Not Be Found all the time--

AND I've got the trophies

to prove it... [smooch]

Huh.

You're right.

You're taking my trophies!?!

Burt, why are you doing this?

Well, because he

must've been cheating.

How else could he

b*at a genius?

Here's something

to think about...

-There's our genius!

-[amigos] Huh?

We're in danger!!

There's an asteroid headed

straight for the Academy...

[various voices]

It's an asteroid! [screaming]

...and we need a genius

to save us!

What's the plan,

smart guy?

Uhhh, sure.

Um...

Call the, uh,

Asteroid Stopping Team...?

I fired

the asteroid crisis team

the second we discovered

your genius.

What about the weekend guys?

All gone because of you.

Our lives are in

the hands of your brain.

[sound of Burt peeing himself]

Seriously-- It's like someone

drew a face on a potato.

[♪♪♪]

Fire every expl*sive we've got!

All we have left are these

two rocket launchers.

What?!

How is that possible?

"By the order of Burt's genius,

all other rockets

shall be converted to...

toenail clippers?!"

What?

Hygiene's important.

Okay, time to get fancy...

Release the giant

catcher's mitt!

[♪♪♪]

[clang]

Well, I guess it just

wasn't giant enough.

We made it exactly

to your specifications!

Fine.

Send the slingshot ships!

[♪♪♪]

Well, that should do it.

Can we leave now?

Those elastic bands have

tied up all our escape pods!

We're trapped!

Um, not to question

your genius...

but why are we

still in danger?!

It's all part of my plan?

-Is it, Burt?

-Is it?

Aww, I can't take it!

I'm sorry.

I never figured out

that equation at all.

It was just blind luck.

He was literally

wearing a blindfold.

We're all dooooomed!

Hm.

I see...

[groaning and fainting]

Well, we've still got

a few seconds to spare.

What do ya say, bud?

Care for one last game of

Chalk Up the Old Nose?

[gasp]

That's it!

This is a waste of time!

Put down the pea sh**t, son.

You'll only make it mad!

I may not be a genius,

but I can get a chalk up

any nose I please... [smooch]

...Even when that chalk

is expl*sives.

If anyone can get rockets

up an asteroid's nose,

it's Burt.

Go Burt, go!

Kirbie...

Blindfold me.

Have you lost your mind?!

[♪♪♪]

Be the chalk...

[♪♪♪]

[beep]

[all gasp]

-Yeah! We love you!

-You did it!

-Way to go, Burt!

-Way to go, Burt!

Hey, maybe you're

a genius after all.

Five plus five...

What is it?

Uhhhhhhh...

I'll take that.

[cheering]

[giggles]

[growls]

♪ [sinister music] ♪

♪ [sinister music] ♪

[all scream]

[battle cries]

[narrator]

This is a story

about the Three Amigonauts.

And in order to understand

where we are,

we must first understand

where we've been.

[tape rewind sound]

[static]

How it all started.

[alarm bells]

[alarm bells]

[grunting]

[computer]

Caution. Caution.

Ahh!

Where's the autopilot?

There is no autopilot!

[gasps]

Uhh, give me a heads up

the next time we're

gonna hit turbulence.

[gasps]

[all scream]

[narrator]

A simple mission:

learn to fly a ship

built before autopilot

or other such

safety features existed.

[alarm bells]

[engine stalls]

The mission

was a failure

and their ship

crash landed

on an undiscovered planet.

[coughs and moans]

What kind of dum-dum

builds a ship

that you have to

pilot yourself?

[grunts]

We were so far off course.

[gasp]

This planet's deserted?

Come on, guys.

We have to stay positive.

[engine revs]

[egg timer dings]

[expl*si*n]

They'll never find us.

[Herby]

Hey guys, come check this out!

This ain't no

deserted planet...

it's a dessert-ed planet!

Oooh!

Is this a river

of chocolate sauce?

[♪♪♪]

[all cheer]

[laughs]

Is this what

I think it is?

[munches]

It's cake!

[giggles]

[Burt screams]

Brain freeze!

[narrator] No longer

worried about surviving,

the Amigonauts

began to enjoy

their new home.

Who would've thought

a crash landing

could be so delicious?

It's like living

in a sundae.

I hope we never

get rescued!

Well, if this is gonna be

our new home

we need to make

a place to sleep.

[narrator]

The Amigonauts worked tirelessly

to build a home.

On the surface,

life together would be

the same as it always was.

[both grunting]

However,

living in the wild

without the rules

and structure of the Academy,

the Amigonauts'

selfish sides

began to rear

their ugly,

caramel coated heads.

Phew.

Lotta hard work you guys,

but we pulled it off.

[chuckle]

Pretty sweet.

Not a minute

too soon,

I'm wiped.

Someone, please,

carry me to beds.

[snoring]

Hey, don't crash yet.

You still have to

build your places.

Ha. Funny.

See you in the morning.

Hey!

Huh?

Wait, Kirb.

This is my bachelor pad.

That's why there's

only one bedroom.

Wait, what?

We put five

rooms in there!

Ya, four back ups

and one bedroom.

That's what makes it

a bachelor pad silly.

Wha?

Why are we all out here

and I am not in bed?

Herby thinks that

this house is his,

not ours.

But- But-

I don't like that.

As our leader I'm going to be

under a lot of pressure.

I need that space

to think

and make all

of our decisions.

[narrator]

It's at this point

things went awry.

I can make

my own decisions.

And you don't get

five rooms worth of storage

for your random thoughts

of thinking!

In fact, I have many

thoughts of my own!

[stuttering]

Don't say something

you can't take back.

If you're really keeping

this house to yourself,

then you-

Stop...

Are not our leader!

[gasps]

How dare you.

Get off

my property!

Hmph, My Chi

is totally messed now.

Come on, Burt.

Let's go somewhere

we don't have to deal

with selfish meanies

who chase their best friends

off their properties.

This is getting

ridiculous!

[narrator] Exiled from the home

they actually built,

Kirbie and Burt push on

and construct

a new home of their own.

Phew.

I'm b*at.

I need to go find

my happy place.

[exhausted sigh]

Me too.

You can have first choice.

Pick your bedroom.

Aw, thanks.

I'll take the room

next to the Yoga studio.

Uh, you mean

my expl*si*n lab?

No, two bedrooms

and a yoga studio for me.

We agreed.

No we didn't.

Besides, you fart so hard

every time you do yoga!

I won't be able

to breathe.

I can't keep

them inside Burt.

It's all part of me

blowing off steam!

And I'm tired of

your selfishness!

You are just like Herby!

[narrator] And so, wondering

how it all came to this,

Burt used the little

energy he had left

to build a home

of his own

and scoop himself

to sleep.

[screams]

[munches]

[snores]

By letting their inner wants...

[throat clear]

By letting their inner wants

get the best of them...

in an instant,

the Amigonauts

became Amigos-not.

Think about it.

Days turned to weeks

as our three

former friends

tried to enjoy

their individual kingdoms

whilst ignoring

the wedge

that had grown

between them.

Herby used his rooms

to do all of his,

um, thinking.

[sighs]

Kirbie did hours of yoga.

[knock on door]

[gasps]

[gasps]

[knocks]

And Burt

spent his days

the way

only Burt could.

Building snow friends

out of ice cream

and then stealing

bites from them.

What a great day

I'm having.

[happy sigh]

Couldn't possibly be

better than mine.

You guys are having fun?

Wait. Burt?

Aren't you with Kirbie?

No.

She stole my boom room

and turned it

into a bum room!

I can't

keep them inside!

They belong

to the wilderness.

Hey, Herby,

I've got something for you.

Yeah?

What is it?

[farts]

[both laugh]

Okay.

I'm calling a meeting!

You don't get

to tell us what to do.

Remember?

May we please

have a meeting?

Pretty please?

With a cherry on top?

I like cherries.

Okay, fine.

Guys, this is

all my fault.

I shouldn't have kept

that house for myself.

And I could've

just used my bedroom

for yoga and butt coughs.

And I shouldn't have

done nothing wrong.

But I did -

I did do nothing wrong.

[sobs]

Aw, okay well, why don't

you guys grab your stuff

and come stay at my place.

I'll clear out

some things--

Ah, don't be nuts.

Come stay with me!

I've got more

than enough room.

But I have so many rooms.

But my place's vibe

is amazing.

Mine is cold,

but I built a huge fire

to keep us warm,

and then we'll-

Ahh!

My mansion!

You never should have

thrown Burt out.

Wait, what?

You threw both of us out!

You said I wasn't

our leader!

You're not!

Well, I have

the biggest house!

Hah!

Well, I have the better view!

My house is

a gooey puddle.

Stay outta this!

Aww, no one's

being very nice here.

You want to see

not nice,

I'll show you

not nice!

No!

I'll show you not nice!

[sighs]

Somebody's gotta

put an end to this.

[distant eagle screech]

♪ [sinister music] ♪

[all]

Ready.

Set.

w*r!

[battle cry]

[battle cries]

[narrator]

Now you know how we got here,

but the epic battle

that follows

is nothing short of...

Nothing.

They knocked

each other out.

But, what's this?

Moments after

all looked lost,

a friend from the sky

shone a light

with a different view.

Woody?

[horn honks]

[all cheer]

The end.

[growls]

So did you,

or did you not,

successfully

pilot the ship?

Oh, no

we crashed that thing

five minutes

after we left.

Didn't you

watch the movie?

That's an F!

What?

Come on.

We don't get extra credit

for hiring a narrator?

And they didn't.

Three!

[♪♪♪]

Three!

[♪♪♪]

Three!

[♪♪♪]

Three!

[♪♪♪]

Three!

[♪♪♪]

Three!

[♪♪♪]

Three!