[SPOOKY THEME]
♪
♪
♪
♪
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
[THUNDER CRASHING]
[EERIE MUSIC]
My dear Allison, where do I begin?
It's been 15 years since
I last laid eyes upon you,
my only child.
My remaining time on earth is short.
I can't ask for forgiveness,
but if I can provide you with
some semblance of closure
I will die a contented man.
Please accept my invitation
to brunch on Sunday, June 6th.
Along with your fiancé.
Your loving father, Frank.
assh*le! f*ck.
I know, I'm sorry babe.
I'm hogging it.
No, not you my father.
What? What father?
You told me he's dead.
He is dead to me.
What?
Let me see.
- [SIGHS]
- Oh, Mr. Fancy Pants.
He's got a lot of nerve.
I don't know, it looks like
he sees the end coming
and wants to make peace
before he's gone.
It's gonna take a lot more
than Sunday brunch
to make up for what he did to me.
When my mother d*ed
my loving father had me
shipped off to boarding school
just when I needed him the most.
So yeah, it would be nice to see
it from his point of view,
but I can't stick my head
that far up my ass.
And trust me, I've tried.
Alright. Come on.
We have the chance
to do it differently.
Better than our parents ever did.
Yeah, all that sounds very nice
but as far as I'm concerned,
he can go to hell.
I'll never see that man again.
[CHILLING MUSIC]
[EERIE MUSIC]
[RYAN] Are we in the right place?
[ALLISON] Yep. Oh, honey
[RYAN] It's going to be great.
[ALLISON] I think this is a bad idea.
- Let's just get this over with.
- [RYAN] Yeah.
Holy sh*t. It's f*cking Wayne Manor.
You good?
I think we're gonna get along great.
[ELABORATE DOORBELL CHIMES]
Hello, Frank.
Allison, it's wonderful to see you.
You are the very image of your mother.
This is my fiancé.
Ryan. Delighted to meet you.
Pleasure, sir.
Come in, please. Come in.
Excuse all of the paraphernalia.
Holy shh Cow. This place
is really something.
The land and the house
have been in our family
for generation as I'm sure
Allison has mentioned.
Her room is right up those stairs.
Just as it was.
Until it wasn't.
It's such a lovely day,
I thought we might dine outside.
I hope you both like
Wagyu beef and lobster.
Or is it still chicken nuggets
and fries?
I'm vegan.
Oh course, of course.
I'll have Cook prepare something
equally appetizing.
This is amazing. Right, honey?
Nothing but the best for my girl.
Ok, skip the pageantry.
We didn't come here to eat brunch.
Alright. Alright.
I'll get to the point.
I was an abysmal father.
You deserved all the love
I never showed you and more.
And there's nothing I can do
about my past,
but I beg of you, Allison.
Allow me to right a few wrongs
before I find myself
at Abraham's side.
[SCOFFS]
I'm sorry, right a few wrongs?
I don't think that's possible, Frank.
Anything is possible.
But I don't have time.
Maybe a month.
Allow me to gift you your wedding.
Here, at home. All expenses paid.
I've even chosen the date,
June the 27th.
Please, Allison, do this for me
and when I pass,
which won't be long,
they've assured me,
everything I have acquired
will become yours.
Thanks, but um, no thanks.
Oh
There isn't gonna be a wedding.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Ryan and I are planning to elope.
That's sensible.
Weddings are an incredible
expense these days,
especially on a substitute
teacher's salary.
I doubt you could even
afford the takeout menu.
Ryan, I'll be in the car.
Of course.
I I should go.
Yes, yes.
Run, run back to your
poorly air conditioned hovel.
I'm curious, Ryan, do you
really love my daughter?
Yes.
Would you do anything
to keep her safe?
Yes, Frank. Of course.
Safe even from something
beyond your comprehension?
Well, I mean this is getting
a bit weird now, but yes.
That's three "yes" s. Help me up.
There is something I need you to see.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Allison knows nothing of
what you're about to see
and she can never know
what's behind door number one.
If you had a thousand guesses,
you would never come close.
[CHUCKLES]
[DOOR CREAKS OPEN]
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
What uh what's down there?
Have you ever heard of the Minhocáo?
It's a creature that's been dwelling
beneath the surface of the earth
since the beginning of time.
[GROWLING SOUNDS] [PEOPLE SCREAMING]
Countless black eyes,
razor sharp mandibles along
with unmatched hostility.
That's what's down there, Ryan.
That's what's down there.
[SCOFFS]
Ok.
You don't believe me?
Are you aware of the earthquake
that leveled Farmington
on June the 27th, 1926?
Yeah, I read about it, sure.
Rather unusual for the Midwest,
wouldn't you agree?
That's because the entire
earthquake story was a cover up.
Someone had forgotten
to feed the Minhocáo.
And there was hell to pay.
I have been his guardian
since I was 16 years old
and the time has come for me
to pass the baton.
If you really want what's best
for my daughter,
you will assume this responsibility.
Oh, oh, ok. I I don't follow.
In order for it to remain dormant
the Minhocáo must be fed
one live human being
on the same date every 15 years.
That's ridiculous.
Oh, no more ridiculous
than the hibernating bear
or the cicadas that appear
every 17 years like clockwork.
Shh. Ryan, shh.
[GROWLING SOUNDS]
If you listen carefully,
you can hear it beginning
to make its long, slow climb
to the surface.
I
No. No!
Even if I did believe you,
sacrificing innocent
human beings, that is just
That's crazy!
I'm sorry to hear that.
That forces me to rethink my estate
and now you and Allison
will receive zero.
Zilch.
Nada.
Did I mention the yacht
in the Mediterranean?
You give it some thought, Ryan.
With one small sacrifice,
you and Allison can live
the life of your dreams.
She was right about you.
You are a f*cking monster.
Yes, she loves you.
That's not enough. Love fades.
And when it does, she'll remember back
to her privileged life
and she will resent you
for having nothing.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
[FRANK SIGHS]
And that sacrifice must be made
on your wedding day.
I'm sure you can find someone
on your guest list
who won't be missed.
[ALLISON] Are you praying to
the air conditioning gods?
Why the hell didn't you tell me?
Tell you what?
Uh that you're rich?
- Because I'm not.
- Yeah, right.
My father hasn't been a part
of my world for 15 years.
No Christmas', no birthdays.
Who does that to their child?
An assh*le. And he owes you big time.
The house, the property,
that all belongs to you, baby.
Let's have the wedding in the yard.
Like he asked.
Keep it small, 20 or so guests.
Babe, look at me.
There's no f*cking way I'm
getting married in that house.
Looking sharp, son.
May I call you son?
Sure thing, Dad.
Breathe. Breathe in.
Last-minute jitters are normal.
This is a life-changing event.
Yeah.
[WEDDING MARCH PLAYS]
♪
♪
♪
♪
[DJ] For the first time,
Mr. and Mrs. Ryan Lee.
[APPLAUSE]
♪
[FRANK'S VOICE] I'm sure you can
find someone on your guest list
who won't be missed.
♪
Having second thoughts?
No, no. I'm ready
to go through with this.
Good, because I hate
to break it to you,
but you already said "I do."
So I did.
♪
Now, remember
♪
Now, I can remember.
All the things that we said ♪
♪
[ALLISON LAUGHING]
I haven't seen Allison this happy
since her 9th birthday party in Paris.
Woo!
Do they have Chucky Cheeses in Paris?
Oh, Ryan, you are a card.
Look, so how do we do this?
Simple.
Put this in their drink.
In less than a minute
they will become woozy.
Bring them down to the vault
and toss them into the pit.
The Minhocáo will do the rest.
It'll be fast and painless,
believe me.
They'll never wake up,
never feel a thing
and all will be right with
the world for the next 15 years.
My god
And Ryan, Allison can never know.
♪
Y'all play Free Bird!
♪
Hey, hey, yo, yo! Cousin Darryl!
Hey buddy.
You still working at the laser
tag place?
- No, it got shut down.
- No.
Bed bugs got in the headsets.
Those little f*ckers complained.
You look stunning, my dear.
Thank you.
And thanks for today.
Oh, see? That wasn't so hard.
My only regret is
your mother isn't here to share it.
It's hard to believe
she's been gone 15 years.
I know.
It's sad.
Well hey, I, uh, got you another beer.
Down that!
Here you go. Cheers.
My god. Ryan must be polluted.
I mean, he's actually talking
to his cousin, Darryl.
I mean, he hates Darryl.
So he does.
Well we get to Woah, woah, woah.
Hey, you ok?
Yeah, I just gotta
Let's go in the house and get
some coffee in ya, huh?
- Darryl
- Woo!
Come on, big guy. Let's get you
[FRANK CHUCKLES]
Alright, that's where
the real cash is.
So just gotta name it a funny
name like Big Vape.
Or Vaped.
Play something with "vape" in it.
- Smart.
- What's in there?
It's uh, it's a mystery.
[LAUGHS AWKWARDLY]
Yeah, after you. Go!
One more step. Yeah.
Get on there.
It's pretty cool, huh?
- Check that out.
- Woah!
Hey, you know what?
Maybe we should just
Woah, woah, woah
Woah!
Woah, woah, hold on! Hold on! Darryl!
[DARRYL SCREAMING]
Darryl!!!
[LOUD GROWLING SOUNDS]
Is it over?
Yeah. It's over.
You did the right thing, son.
Believe me, he felt nothing.
And as for what you're feeling,
that too will pass.
Hmm.
Here, drink.
To the next 15 years.
- To Allison.
- To Allison.
Now, let's get back upstairs and
enjoy the rest of your wedding.
Wait. Wait!
What's happening?
It's the last dance
of the night, Frank.
Wakey, wakey
Dad.
What is this? Where are we?
Inside the property line of
my great grandparents estate.
It was a real looker back in the day.
Put your house to shame.
That is until 1926
when it all went kaput.
Allison, get me out of here.
Save your breath, Frank.
I know the truth.
Ryan explained.
When you first got in touch,
I was livid.
I mean, I could have k*lled you
with my bare hands.
But Ryan has such a big heart,
he felt I should at least
hear you out.
And after brunch that day
- Aww
- We had some ideas of our own.
I opened my door to you, Allison
I welcomed you back
into my life, Allison.
Yes, you've been very generous, Frank.
Generous to a fault.
I mean, you could have
approached anyone
with your little problem.
But, being the major league
assh*le that you are,
there's probably no one left
to answer your calls.
So you came to us.
Duh. [GIGGLES]
In a way, I'm glad Ryan urged me
to reconnect.
[RYAN] Mmmhmm.
Because, you see, I finally
found a reason
to cope with my dysfunctional past!
[GIGGLES]
The pit's cheaper than therapy.
You know, I was very surprised
that your pit was so small.
That must mean you have
one of the babies.
Which means that right there
is the mama.
[LAUGHS]
You see, I made a vow to my family
to never let her roam free again.
That's right, baby.
Ryan told me all about his Minhocáo
on our very first date
during mini golf.
Thank you, baby.
How it needs to be fed every 15
years for the safety of others.
[FRANK STUTTERS] Wait
And I can't think of
a more deserving meal
than my loving father.
Oh, but you've gotten it
all wrong, Allison.
It wasn't a lie, the the wedding,
the will, it was all for real.
I love you, Allison. I always have.
You lied about one thing
though, Frank.
Getting fed to the Minhocáo?
It's not painless.
- Nor is it fast.
- [GASPS] Oh, my god.
The Minhocáo holds its food
for 15 long years
while it slowly digests.
- No!
- Yes.
No, no, no, Allison. I love you.
If that's true, Daddy, then
answer one very simple question.
What's my married name?
Your married
You have five seconds, Franko.
- [FRANK] Uh, uh
- [RYAN] Come on, Frank.
- Smith.
- Ohh!
Johnson. Williams. Miller.
- Ah, Jesus, Frank!
- Spencer.
- Come on, not even close!
- Texan?
- Bye bye, Frankie Poo.
- Kennedy?
The DJ said it about 42 times.
It was written on the f*cking napkin.
Lee! Lee!
Son of a bitch, he got it right.
Lee!
Bye-bye.
[SCREAMING]
- Well, let's go.
- [GIGGLES]
Well, welcome home, Mrs. Lee.
Thank you, Mr. Lee.
I think there's some left over
cake in the fridge.
Well, I was hoping for
something else for dessert.
Dude! Best wedding ever!
You're never gonna believe
what happened.
I got stuck in a pit and I had
to climb out like the dark night
or some sh*t.
And it came to me like a vision
in the night.
The Vape Escape.
Wait, wait, wait.
If Darryl's still alive, that means
No, no, no!
m*therf*cker!
It still hasn't been fed!
No!
[SCREAMING]
[RUMBLING]
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
I'm Sonia.
I know. Angela.
Your work is great.
I've seen it in Timeless a few times.
That's kind.
Word of advice?
Roger Barton seems like
a mean bastard.
You just need to know
what he's looking for.
Want me to take a look at your stuff?
Seriously?
Yeah, I would love that.
I've been trying to get
published for years.
Even as a kid, getting a cartoon
in Timeless was like, the dream.
I've gotten close a couple times,
but, um, I think I don't have
a lot of luck.
Luck is for people
without undeniable talent.
This one, I wouldn't bother with.
Maybe three months ago.
The key is to be timely.
Oh, I thought that was my best one.
Can't pay rent with mediocrity, girl.
Remember, undeniable.
Yeah, no, um, it was stupid anyway.
Anyway
Well, that was a waste of time.
Sonia.
- Great to see you again.
- [SONIA CHUCKLES]
Please help me.
Stupid stupid
Good luck, friend.
You.
Yes, today. Thank you.
[PHONE RINGING]
Speak.
Oh, my god. Angela?
It's Calvin from Centralia.
Calvin, I didn't know you lived
in Seattle.
Yeah, I'm the managing editor.
This is nuts.
Yeah. From your book class
to Timeless that's
Yeah, Roger's having me
sit in on these now
so more responsibilities,
which is nice.
But hey, look at you.
Ms. Most Artistic is now
a professional cartoonist.
That's great.
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
Professionals usually get published.
How are the submissions looking?
He likes one so far.
The rest have been a bit grim.
It's a cut-throat business if
you've got the stomach for it.
Yeah.
Give me.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
I like that one, Roger.
Too Beetle Bailey.
This is what we're looking for.
Timely. Expressive.
Left field of humor.
Conversational.
Fantastic stuff.
Sonia drew it right in the room.
The inspiration just hit her.
A true, singular talent.
Some homework.
Study Timeless' voice.
You can't pay rent with mediocrity.
[MOM] Oh, my goodness.
Did you turn her in?
No, they emptied the trash.
It'd be my word against her's.
[MOM] Well, you know how
I feel about karma,
so I'm sure this Sonia will see
the nasty end of it soon enough.
It's just what it is.
It's a tough business.
[MOM] Well, if cartooning there
doesn't work out,
you can always try you old boss, hm?
I hope you left things on good terms.
Uh, he accused me of stealing
out of the register
and not one person had my back.
I'm not going back there.
[MOM] Well, you can always move
back and try to get a job
doing caricatures at the roller rink.
I'm not gonna go back to the
job that I did in high school.
[MOM] Honey, I love you.
I'm just saying there
are safer options.
I remember when you were
a little girl,
you would spend hours drawing
and drawing.
You remember you used to draw
all over my walls.
It didn't matter if it was
paper, crayons, markers.
You were always drawing.
This is what you wanted to do.
It really pains me to hear that
you aren't doing it anymore.
Or you're not
[SONIA] Oh, was that your drawing?
I must have been confused
because it has my name on it.
I'm just so busy drawing
for dozens of publications,
I can't be expected to remember
ever little doodle I see.
Give up.
You're a loser. You're weak.
Go back to whatever dead
cornfield you crawled out of.
Your mother's right.
You don't have what it takes
to make it here.
[CHILLING MUSIC]
Too long.
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
"At some point during
her commute home,
"authorities gathered Sonia
must have slipped
"and hit her head rendering
her unconscious.
"City worker followed a trail
of sewer rats and blood
"to Sonia Wicks' corpse where
her eyes had been eaten away."
[CHILLING MUSIC]
♪
What?
Sonia was supposed to sign
the publishing agreement today
for her piece.
No agreement, no cartoon.
Do you really think
she slipped and fell?
I have no clue.
But Roger's back at it.
You got some new stuff?
Yeah. Just feeling kind of nauseous.
Awful circumstances, I know.
Well, if you're ready.
Hey, um, I'm really sorry about Sonia.
Let's get you in there.
Gimme.
I'm sorry, I have to step out.
The crossword department's
having an emergency.
Down or across?
Well Angela, I'm impressed.
You've taken my direction well.
Congratulations.
I believe I've found
next month's cartoon.
This has earned us a drink.
The good stuff.
Thank you, Mr. Barton,
you have no idea how much
this means to me.
We will need you to sign
a publisher's agreement.
Of course.
But, before we proceed,
there is one thing I need to
make this partnership official.
[CLEARS THROAT]
You're going to fire Calvin.
What?
You are going to fire him for me.
Why me?
You have the opportunity to work
in the number one magazine
in the Northwest where your work
will be seen
11.3 millions monthly subscribers.
Top agents, managers and firms
across the country
will know your name.
If you want that,
you will look your friend
in his sad little eyes
and say every horrible word
in this termination letter.
Uh, no, this, this is insane.
No. This is a test.
Timeless isn’t just a magazine.
It's my blood and bones.
My legacy.
You and Calvin have a history
so I need to be assured that
you will be loyal to Timeless
and everything it stands for.
[CHILLING MUSIC]
Okay. Very good, alright,
thanks for the chat.
Mr. Barton, your 6:00PM
has been moved to Friday.
I can't. I can't do this.
Publishing agreement?
Go on home, little mouse.
[CHUCKLES]
You failed.
[SIGHS]
Are you ok?
JB, double.
[ROGER'S VOICE] Too Beetle Bailey.
f*cking pig.
[ROGER'S VOICE] Sonia drew it
right in the room.
The inspiration just hit her.
I can't believe this sh*t.
[ROGER'S VOICE] You can't pay
rent with mediocrity.
Go on home, little mouse. You failed.
Pig.
You want to talk about it?
Some people deserve to rot.
I hear that.
Don't let em get you down.
That's how they win.
It's on me.
Thanks.
[SCREAMING] [THUD]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[CHILLING MUSIC]
[CLATTERING]
- Hi.
- Hey
I was just about to call you.
Um, I just wanted to say goodbye.
I'm leaving.
You're the only good person
I met in this business,
so, I'll never forget that.
Angela?
We're publishing your cartoon.
I don't know if you heard,
but Roger d*ed.
Freak accident.
Oh, no. Really?
Yeah, everyone's just in shock.
But, between you and me,
no one upstairs is mourning
all that much.
So, now, they made me Editor-in-Chief.
I was gonna call and tell you
but I've been in meetings all morning.
Wow! Wow, that's wow.
I also wanted to talk to you
about working for Timeless full time.
No more freelance stuff.
Health insurance, paid time off,
the works.
I mean, if you want to, that is.
Calvin, that's, I don't
I don't know what to say.
Say yes.
You made it.
Ok, yes.
[LAUGHING]
Ok, let's do it. Oh, my god.
Great, great!
We go to print today
and I am late for a meeting,
so if it's ok with you
we'll deal with the paperwork
tomorrow.
Ok.
We're gonna do great things, Angela.
Um, hey, let me take you
to dinner at least.
Tonight? My treat.
You're on.
Sir!
The lady you were talking to.
Yeah?
Right after that man took a header,
she took off right out of here
and left her things.
Oh, yeah, I can take em.
She seems in a better mood today.
What do you mean?
She said some people deserve to rot.
[PHONE RINGING] [CORK POPS]
[MOM] Hi, honey.
Mom, I finally got published!
Timeless magazine.
[MOM] Oh, my god.
I'm so proud of you, Angela.
Thanks.
[MOM] You stayed true to
yourself, and unlike all those others,
you didn't have to cheat to succeed.
That's exactly right.
[MOM] I'm so proud of you, Lord
knows you've worked so hard.
This is amazing.
Let me get your father.
Oh, and, I have a date tonight.
- [MOM] Oh, really? Look at you.
- [KNOCKING]
[MOM] Tell me all about him.
Ok, hold on.
[MOM] Is he cute? Is he tall?
Does he write or does he draw?
- Hey.
- [MOM] Tell me more.
You were there when Roger d*ed.
[MOM] You can't do this to me.
I need to hear, I need to know.
Mom I gotta go.
Um. I don't, uh, I don't understand.
When I told you, you acted surprised.
But you saw it happen.
I didn't act surprised. I did?
Well I was just-hey, do you
want some champagne?
I this day has just really been
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
Ok.
Angela, what is going on?
It's just a doodle.
I was angry.
At Sonia?
Yes. She stole my cartoon.
She drew it in Roger's office
right after I showed it to her.
So she d*ed right after
stealing from you.
That's what you're telling me?
This is ridiculous.
What are you accusing me of?
I'm not sure yet.
But you're hiding something.
Who in this whole world is sad
that those two assholes
are dead, huh? Not me.
Things are finally turning
around for the both of us.
You know you got here
before I could get changed.
Give me one minute and then
we can celebrate, right?
Hey, Angela!
Let me in, Angela, please. Talk to me.
[BANGING ON DOOR]
- [CALVIN] Angela!
- Calvin, you're ruining this.
[CALVIN] Let me in!
Tonight is a good night.
You were so nice to me.
Please talk to me.
Just go away! Go away!
[CALVIN] Angela, please.
You won't talk to me,
I'll go to the police.
[BANGING CONTINUES]
[CALVIN] I mean it, Angela!
Open this f*cking door. [DOOR JIGGLES]
Open this f*cking door!
[BANGING CONTINUES]
[CALVIN] Let me in, Angela.
Tell me what happened.
What did you do?
Open this f*cking door!
Angela, please.
- I'm sorry, Calvin.
- [CALVIN] I mean it, Angela!
I can't let you take this
away from me.
[CALVIN] Angela, please!
[BANGING CONTINUES]
[CHOKING SOUNDS]
Calvin?
[CHILLING MUSIC]
Uh, uh
[THUD]
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
♪
[THUNDER CRASHES]
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪