04x04 - By the Book

[bunniefuu]

- Hamish?
- Give over.

Dougal Murdoch Herriot.

Even if we have a lass?

Morag Elspeth Herriot if we have a lass.

- Obviously.
- SHE SCOFFS

Over my dead body.

Morag Elspeth was my grandmother's name.

You're kidding.

You are kidding?

HE CHUCKLES
I'm kidding.

BOTH LAUGH

You can choose, and it
doesn't have to be Scottish.

Five more minutes.

No chance, me and wee
Morag need to get on.

We'll have to start telling people soon.

Soon.

Not yet.

I like things as they are.

Oh, except the queasy part.

Sheep dipping this morning won't be fun.

You know, you may want
to slow down a little.

Put your feet up now and then?

SHE CHUCKLES

That wasn't a joke.

Farmers don't stop for
babies, you daft 'apeth.

SOFT FOOTSTEPS

RADIO PLAYING

Are you partial to a
pickled egg, Mr Carmody?

- Pickled eggs?
- Eggs...

only pickled.

I'm down half a jar since supper.

Can't stomach them,
I'm afraid, Mrs Hall.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING

Oh, I'm just dishing up.

I'm all right with a cuppa, thanks.

- Morning.
- Indigestion again?

I'm a martyr to it.

Interesting fact:

the average egg has over , pores.

Boiled or scrambled?

It makes no difference,
they're in the shell.

For your breakfast.

Mrs Micklethwaite already fed
me at my lodgings, but thank you.

Well...

if nobody's got an appetite,
who's been at me eggs?

Eggs! Music to my ears!

Pile them high, Mrs
Hall, I could eat a horse.

Morning, Carmody, something I said?

Oh, good morning, Mr Farnon. Not at all.

I'm reviewing feline
digestion before surgery.

Splendid. Carry on.

In a world of his own, that one.

Yes, the Carmody conundrum.

Marvellous chap.

- Knowledgeable,
- Mm-hm.

keen as mustard.

But surgically attached to his book.

Carmody...

Slight change of plan.

All right, I'll see you
shortly. Try not to worry.

Goodbye, Mr Crabtree.

Carmody needs more
experience in the field.

- Agreed.
- He's rather retreated into his books since Teasel.

The dispensary's never been so
clean, but we need to buck him up.

I haven't noticed much
difference. Still full of opinions.

So I want him to assist you today.

Don't tell me you're tired of him?

Nothing of the sort. Why, are you?

But he is verging slightly
into know-it-all territory.

Which is why he'll benefit from
seeing more of how you do it.

Is that a compliment or an insult?

Where are we off to, Mr Herriot?

To visit new tenants at Low Beck Farm.

- Problem with a premature calf.
- Righto.

You just need to get used to each other.

You'll rub along very nicely
after that, I'm sure of it.

Taking into account the prematurity,

together with the symptoms
we're already aware of,

I suspect we're looking
at a case of brucellosis.

Perhaps, we should examine the creature

before we sentence it to death?

Ah... Good point, well made.

Why have we stopped, Mr Herriot?

Because I can't move
the gate with my mind.

Oh...

Didn't you bring any
protective clothing?

Oh, I'm sure I'll be all right.

Doubt we'll be here long.

COWS MOOING

Elsie has a right soft spot.

Sat with him morning, noon and night.

Hasn't done much good.
He's wasting away.

He's lost his sparkle.

Is that your official diagnosis?

He's first one born here.
We need him to thrive.

Where did you move from?

Bradford.

We're beginners.

Millwork did my chest in.

Can't join up, but I can do my bit here.

And keep this lot safe into
the bargain, with any luck.

Well, you've chosen an
excellent place to hunker down.

If you say so.

We haven't had the warmest of
welcomes from the neighbours.

Ah. Being new here can be
something of a trial by fire.

They'll get used to you in time.

How much time?

Give it a century or so?

May I begin, Mr Herriot?

Go on, then.

RADIO PLAYING

Mmm.

- Hm!
- My egg thief.

Well, fill your boots.

And if there's anything
else you fancy, just say.

It's not, erm...

I mean, well... I'm... I wasn't...

Well, you're green around
the gills every morning,

and the pantry thinks Tristan's back.

When are you due?

December time.

THEY LAUGH

Weakness, fever, premature.

An open-and-shut case.

- I was right: brucellosis.
- Look, you were right...

... which means they could lose
every unborn calf in the herd.

No calves, no milk
production, no income.

This isn't about being top of the class.

There's a family's future at stake.

COW MOOING

I'm afraid you've got
brucellosis in the herd.

Brucella is a genus of
Gram-negative bacteria,

named after David Bruce.

They're small, nonencapsulated,

nonmotile, facultative
intracellular coccobacilli.

Can we have that in normal speak?

It's unlikely the calf will live.

And you'll probably
lose many more, besides.

It's very serious and very contagious.

I'm sorry.

Jenny must be thrilled.

And your dad.

They will be when they know.

I'd rather wait a bit.

They'll want to make allowances,
and the farm's too busy for that.

If James had his way, he'd
wrap me in cotton wool.

MRS HALL LAUGHS

I suppose he knows more of
the ins and outs than most.

I'm not some prize sow.

You might feel like one come December.

Who knows what things'll
be like by then.

You'll be dog tired.

But your heart'll be fit to burst.

James should get his papers any day.

We've no idea what's
around the next corner.

Are we mad?

Course not.

Life carries on,

just as it should.

And it's a tonic to have summat
wonderful to look forward to.

Keep mother and calf quarantined.

Disinfect regularly, top to bottom.

Your best chance is to stop the spread.

How did it start in the first place?

Was the new calf a recent addition?

We bought her in calf, few weeks back.

She was probably already infected.

- She hasn't grazed with the others?
- Aye, course.

Schoolboy error.

- Well...
- I beg your pardon?

Any farmer worth his salt knows
to keep a new beast separate.

- Excuse me?
- I'm sorry, Mr Carmody,

he's rather new to this,
he doesn't mean to be rude.

Oh!

He's erm, still learning.

Well, maybe that'll learn
him to keep his gob shut.

Right!

SIGHS

I thought that went rather well.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

I won't b*at about the bush, Carmody,

your scholarship is exemplary,
but your manner is diabolical.

Perhaps I might be
permitted to redeem myself?

I've taken the liberty of
genning up on brucellosis.

There's some very
diverting new research.

It's one thing to be well informed.

Quite another to bamboozle and belittle.

Righto.

Our role is to support, not scold.

And also refrain from throwing
oneself into manure if at all possible.

Understood.

Darrowby, ?

He's coming, Mr Crabtree,
won't be a minute.

Hello, Mr Crabtree.

- Is my placement terminated?
- Oh, good God, no.

We just need you to gen
up on people for a change.

The Crabtrees lost
their calf in the night.

- Oh, rotten luck.
- This could ruin them.

- If brucellosis takes hold...
- There's no hope.

They came here thinking
it was the safer option.

Two little lasses.

- I'll get me overalls on.
- I really should take Carmody.

You should really take
a farmer. They need help.

Practical advice from someone who
knows what they're talking about.

James said you had a
bit of a bumpy start.

Yep.

Nowt but folk telling us where
we're going wrong since we got here.

Like who?

Oh, like him up there,

her over there,

them who border east field.

He walked miles, he did,

just to tell Sid he were
steering tractor wrong.

That's good.

Means you've been accepted.

You what?

Farmers won't interfere
if they can't stick you.

Judging's their version
of a welcome mat.

And I thought it were
cows that we had to learn.

Your cows are in safe hands now.

James'll do all he can.

COW GRUNTS

Has she been doing that
long? The grunting sound?

Since last night.

Sign she's calving.

- We need to take a look now.
- Well she can't be, it's too soon.

- Good afternoon.
- How do?

What seems to be the trouble?

Me dog's hurt its paw.

I'm going to stop you there.

Er, although it's tempting
to want to hurry things along,

this is the point where we
begin to build a rapport.

One might offer a few words
of comfort, for instance,

or ask how the injury may have happened.

It's important to look to the
owner, as well as the animal.

They can often harbour
all manner of clues.

- I'm extremely sorry to hear that.
- Mm-hm.

Whatever happened?

Paying you to tell me, aren't I?

Very droll.

We've got ourselves a tricky customer.

It helps to think aloud.
Silence can be disconcerting.

No sign of bleeding or bruising.

- Might not be the paw at all.
- Good!

No broken bones...

Some kind of sprain, I'd wager.

Put that down.

I'd like to double
check which ligament...

Is double-checking allowed
in the examination school?

- Well, no, but...
- Confiscated until further notice.

Mrs Hall, please remove all
reference materials from the room.

- Am I myself again?
- Yes.

TELEPHONE RINGING

- Down you go, Jess.
- One moment.

Trust yourself.

But I rather rely on it.

It's all up there. Trust yourself.

Well, well, well, we
have a real patient.

Meet...

Oh! Ned Clough.

Oh, sorry, Bernard.

Carmody, my challenge to you.

No books, no checking.

Just... Bernard.

Easy.

Gentle tension, like this. That's it.

Sorry, girl, not long now.

COW MOOS

- Come on, girl.
- It's coming.

That's it!

COW MOOS

That's it.

- Come on.
- Come on.

Big breath for us.

Come on, girl.

Come on, girl!

His get up and go got up and went.

Speedy fellow, was he?

Oh, aye, right quick, he were.

Now he... He just sits there.

Awfully sorry about that.

Nae, it's not your fault, lad.

He's been chovelling him sen, you know.

- Chovelling him sen?
- Aye. Right going at it.

He's... itching?

That an' all, aye.

- How old is he?
- As Methuselah.

Could you be more specific?

Well, put it this way. He
were my father's best pal,

so he must be pushing -odd at least.

Oh, goodness. No wonder he's lethargic!

Has he had his chips?

- Is it life-threatening?
- Oh, gosh, no!

Just shedding his skin, I
suspect. Perfectly normal.

However, his lack of
oomph could be dietary.

Mm. Ah.

- Scrape him with it, do I?
- Feed him it.

Cuttlefish are chock-full of calcium.

- Hm!
- Should give him a boost.

He'll soon be his sprightly self again.

Ah!

Thanks, Veterinary.

Come on, then, Bernard.

Come on!

How did you find our
new recruit, Mr Clough?

He's a broom up his backside, but, er,

he knows his stuff.

Baby steps, Carmody. Baby steps.

You know, my heart breaks for 'em.

I dread to think how much
they're gonna lose on them calves.

Not to mention the needless suffering.

I'll nip up tomorrow, see if
I can give Sid some pointers.

As long as you take it steady.

I will.

Was actually about to
suggest some bed rest,

- only you've scuppered that now.
- Mm!

Hello!

Oh, Carmody!

How was it at the Crabtrees'?

As we feared. The
brucellosis has set in.

Lost two calves so far.

Dreadful shame.

You know, Mr Farnon says it's
all about looking to the owner,

but I've been reading up
on brucellosis research.

I find it's more useful to
immerse myself in the problem.

You'd be wise to listen to Mr Farnon.

Perhaps you'll join me at
the Drovers, to discuss?

It's been rather a long day.

Of course, of course.

We can get to grips with
zoonosis another time.

What's zoonosis?

Zoonosis is when a disease jumps
from one species to another.

Brucellosis causes
undulant fever in people.

The symptoms rise and fall,
like an undulating wave.

Is it catching?

Vets can get it, but it's rare.

What I find truly fascinating

is the apparent similarity
of human symptoms.

One recent study in
particular seemed to suggest...

Sorry, sorry. I'm chewing
your ear off, aren't I?

Er, which similarity? Fever?

- Wouldn't call that fascinating.
- No, no.

The loss of the unborn foetus.

The research really
is quite eye-opening.

Would you like to read it?

Where is everyone?

Most of the women in this
study didn't carry to term.

Indeed. %. That's high.

Correlation isn't causation,

and the link's never been proven before.

But it's a rather
convincing theory, isn't it?

Makes one wonder what the
cause of infection was,

consuming milk or close
contact with the animal.

It does, yes.

Do you think it might make
a decent dissertation topic?

- Been desperate to find something unusual.
- Unusual?

That's all you have to
say about such a thing?

Well, it isn't common
knowledge, as proven by you.

A family's livelihood is at stake.

I don't have time to indulge
myself reading studies!

I don't believe I said you should have.

If you'd only acted properly,
not made a hash of it,

- insulted Crabtree...
- I'm sorry, James, you've lost me.

OUTSIDE: You should've been there today!

Why is James shouting?

I wanted to, but how could
I attend when I wasn't asked?

- I wasn't given the opportunity.
- Exactly!

- Because I couldn't risk making things worse!
- What the devil's going on?

- Contraband?
- James wanted to read it.

Seems to have angered
him for some reason.

- What's so incendiary about it?
- Nothing.

Didn't sound like nothing.

Why blow your top?

Me.

I invited myself to help James today,

only it turns out I shouldn't have.

Why not?

Brucellosis.

This study seems to suggest
a link between exposure

to brucellosis in cattle...

... and the loss of
unborn children in women.

I wasn't aware of it, but Carmody was.

- And that's significant... ?
- 'Cos I'm expecting.

PHONE RINGS

Darrowby - - - ?

Oh, dear.

I'm sorry to hear that, Mr Clough.

Will you be wanting someone
to have another look at him?

Yes, yes, I'm here.

Oh, I'm sure that'll suit.

I'll let them know.

Right, see you, then.

Goodbye.

CLASSICAL MUSIC ON RADIO

Ned Clough were just on.

He's bringing Bernard
back in this afternoon.

Still not too clever, he says.

How's Helen today?

Determined to be fine.

And how are you?

I'd like to apologise again, if I may,

- and if there's anything I can do?
- Come up with a cure.

- James.
- There really in't anything?

Not a thing you can do for
her, if she's caught it?

No test, no cure, no nothing.

However, there is something
we can do at the Crabtrees.

So I suggest we get a move on.

SID CHATTERS

Sid?

Mr Herriot?

- Did we book another check-up?
- You didn't,

and this isn't a check-up.

Siegfried Farnon, how do you do?

Come along, haven't got all day!

I thought there were
nowt that could be done?

True, but we can help
you disinfect the farm.

More chance of stamping out if
the whole place is done at once.

- How much is that gonna cost?
- Nothing.

These are your neighbours.

Helen spread the word, and
they all wanted to pitch in.

Nobody round here wants to
see you fail, Mr Crabtree.

- But may I make a suggestion?
- Go on.

Talk to them. You might learn something.

DOG BARKS

Where did you vanish off to?

Oh, I know, boy.

It's a poor do.

Not been fed a day in your life.

CHUCKLES

DOG BARKS

What's wi' you?

Dash! You can't just barge in uninvited!

I don't mind. Come in.

Sorry, Helen.

Honestly, you'd think
he were dragged up.

Not being a nuisance, is he?

He's all right.

I'm not exactly up to much.

Me and Dash think you
need a distraction.

You're not wrong.

Now, come on, you can make
yourself useful baking with me.

I'm not sure that'll
cut it, to be honest.

Well, Dash says you don't get
to be choosy, and I want scones.

Will there be swede involved again?

Oh, you'll have to find
out, won't you? Come on!

DOG BARKS

All will be well, you'll see.

You can't know that.

I wouldn't have stopped her
either, if it's any consolation.

I groused about Carmody
being a know-it-all,

and then I let my own wife
down with my ignorance.

- You haven't let anybody down.
- I mean, what's the point

in knowing what I know if I
can't help the one person... ?

How do I tell her that
she'll be all right?

That our baby will be all right...

... when I've no idea if it will be?

SIEGFRIED SIGHS

I always tend to just wing it. Ha!

Ah, follow each step,
you can't go wrong.

If you can read it for
Edward's mucky paws, of course!

DOG BARKS

I don't know why I'm flavour
of the month all of a sudden.

They can hear it.

The heartbeat.

They're protecting you.

Oh, you soft things.

Why don't we invite your Jenny?

I will. When I've got good news.

They're not the only ones, you know.

We're all here.

Don't always have to be the tough one.

Ooh, scones.

Tortoise first. Mr Clough's waiting.

Thanks, Audrey.

He wolfed that, er, fish
down like nobody's business.

He's still scratching, though.

- The skin does look rather irritated.
- Aww.

He's definitely not shedding.

What is he doing, then?

I should like to witness
the behaviour for myself.

Would you mind if I kept
him in for observation?

No. I suppose he could use a holiday.

Right, I'll, er...

be on me way, then.

DOOR OPENS

The truth is, we can
never tell what lies ahead.

Even when we convince ourselves we know,

the slings and arrows have
a way of proving us wrong.

So you tell those you love
what they need to hear.

Hope it gives them comfort.

At least, that's what I did.

I'm so sorry, I didn't think.

You don't often speak of her.

Evelyn.

There aren't the words.

It was a mercifully short illness.

But only because by the
time we knew it was cancer...

... well, it was too late.

Not being able to do anything.

That made every moment...

Unbearable.

LAUGHTER AT BAR

Can't blame him, can you?

Stepping into the unknown, risking
everything to keep his family safe.

Perhaps we should be more like Crabtree?

Unaware the odds are stacked against us?

No. Hopeful.

Come on.

MUSIC ON RADIO

_

Mrs Hall! Carmody!

Mrs Hall! Carmody!

Whatever's happened now?

Fetch the confiscated books.

Now, Carmody, I'm going to
admit something very unusual.

I was wrong.

Knowledge is power, and
you can't have enough of it.

France may have surrendered,

but we shall not admit
defeat to a mere bacterium!

What exactly are you proposing?

When was brucellosis first discovered?

- Right after the Crimean w*r.
- Precisely.

Just short years, or
thereabouts, to catch up on.

If we put our heads together,

read everything we have on the subject,

we might just find
something useful for Helen.

And there she is, hooray!

You can muck in too, starting with...

A History of Bovine Morbidity.

- Perhaps we should turn in.
- Yep.

Press on tomorrow. Any luck?

Just a dry chapter on testing cows.

We rarely test these days.

The symptoms are so conclusive.

Mrs Hall...

- you're a genius.
- Oh, I am.

- What did I say?
- The agglutination test.

Used for diagnosing
typhus in humans, but...

in ... in ...

... it was used to discover
brucellosis in animals.

- What does that mean?
- The test is compatible.

The test is compatible.

- So we can find out if I've got it?
- We can.

The question is, how do we go about it?

I imagine one would
simply take a blood test,

label it as a cow's,

and the lab would be none the wiser.

Just a thought.

All right?

Didn't feel a thing.

No jokes about me having cow hide.

I'm sorry I haven't... if I
haven't said the right things.

No need now.

To say anything?

Well, we'll know either way after this.

Cross that bridge when
we come to it, won't we?

I'll take it to the lab first thing.

And then we wait.

And then we wait.

Very promising.

I think you'll have yourselves
some calves after all.

They must have natural immunity.

We're about due some beginner's luck.

Him and Helen saved
our bacon, more like.

Three calves are
better than none, but...

Not enough to live off, we know.

I've took a farmhand
job at Grace Chapman's.

She'll show us the ropes.

Keep the wolf from the
door 'til we bounce back.

We shouldn't have judged so quick.

Folk have been kind.

Once we got to know 'em.

Will you stay for a bite to
eat? It's the least we could do.

Unfortunately, I've got to dash.

More poorly cows to rescue?

Lab results to collect.

It's not very exciting,
but it's very important.

Good luck.

Thank you.

Make sure to look after those
mummy cows for me, won't you?

On day one, Bernard didn't move.

On day two, Bernard did move
- tempted by lettuce.

On day three, Bernard didn't move.

On day four, Bernard used his
left leg to itch his right leg.

And?

I haven't been able to get to
the bottom of the irritation.

Usually we'd consider mites
or fleas to be the culprit,

but as Bernard is cold-blooded,

the little blighters aren't interested.

You're a medical mystery, Bernard.

Although...

What?

There might be one
last thing we can try.

- Helen?
- Upstairs.

Tortoises need a good soak now and then.

Fights dehydration.

Oh!

Now, I could be wrong,

but if my theory is correct,

we should start to see something

any... minute... now.

Ah-ha!

What the heck are those?

Siphonaptera.

Fleas.

I thought you said
he couldn't catch 'em?

It's rare,

but if they come close
to an infestation,

it's not unheard of.

One or two determined
individuals might try their luck

lurking under the shell.

Infestation? Where?

Judging by your persistent itch,

I'd say it's highly
possible you're the cause.

You have fleas, Mr Clough,

and you've given them to poor Bernard.

Well, I'll be damned.

I thought I were allergic to
summat. I've tried everything.

I can find a treatment.

For the both of you.

Thank you, Veterinary.

Three still in calf?

- That's a minor miracle.
- Well, thanks to you.

Oh, I didn't do much.

Would you sit down a minute?

I'd rather keep busy,
if it's all the same.

- It's just I...
- Thinking of giving this place

a lick of paint an' all.

Wouldn't take much effort,
and it'd pass the time.

- I just...
- James, if you ask me

to rest one more time, I'll go spare.

- What's that?
- I went to the lab, just in case, and...

Well?

I don't know.

I thought we should open it together.

Do you want to?

No, you.

No, wait!

I think I've changed my mind.

You'd rather not know?

Not if it's bad.

There's no guarantee it'll
be bad. You said so yourself.

- What do I know about anything?
- Lots.

- You're braver than me, cleverer than me.
- No, I'm not.

I've tried to be brave,

I have. But I can't,

not about this. Not about our baby.

Well, that makes two of us,

because I'm terrified.

- You are?
- Yes!

God, yes. I'm an absolute wreck.

Me, too.

I just want us to
have this baby so much.

So do I.

But whatever happens, we'll be together,

won't we?

We can be wrecks together.

APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS

News?

Only that Carmody cracked the tortoise.

Literally or figuratively?

He'll be wanting his book back.

Well, he hasn't been using
his reference materials

for your Bernard challenge.

Well, I told him I was
wrong about that, didn't I?

Knowledge is power and such?

Probably should've been
a bit more specific.

We could put it in the fire?

Forget we even did the test.

Ignorance is bliss.

Unless...

Unless?

I think maybe I'm feeling a bit braver

- since admitting I was a coward.
- You are not a coward.

And the wait's k*lling me.

Bernard's treatment regimen is here,

what to ask for at the
chemist on the back.

You're a godsend, lad.

Much appreciated.

- Fleas, believe it or not.
- Oh.

I followed your advice.
Look to the owner.

The answer was staring
me in the face all along.

Very well done.

We may make a vet of you yet.

What did I tell you?

To be used in moderation.

Thank you, Mr Farnon.

Dare we ask?

I'm all right, like I said I would be.

The test was negative.

JAMES: I still can't quite believe it.

Thank goodness we were brave after all.

Thank goodness you only
went to the Crabtrees' once.

Less chance of infection.

Thinking there might be something in it.

Putting my feet up occasionally.

- Are you sure?
- Only occasionally, mind.

I'll still be doing my bit for my dad.

I just might give sick
animals a wide berth,

for Morag's sake.

What do you reckon?

I reckon that's up to you.
Whatever you choose is right.

Keep using that name, it'll stick.

Don't care.

All I care is that our baby
gets here safe and sound.

I think it's just hit me.

This is actually really
happening, in't it?

- Aye.
- THEY CHUCKLE

- Are you ready?
- No.

Not remotely.

But I can't wait.

Here.

Feel as though I can breathe again.

It has been a bit fraught, hasn't it?

Whatever will become of
us when the baby arrives?

Ha!

Interesting fact, the collective
noun for the tortoise is "a creep".

Carmody, what was the
matter with Bernard again?

Fleas, Mr Farnon.

What's a group of them called?

I don't believe I know.

Interesting fact, fleas can jump
many times their own body length,

which enables them to
spread really rather rapidly.

Fascinating.

Erm...

Yes, yes.

Ha! Well, you've earned your stripes.

Fleas tend to come with our occupation.

Also lice. And worms.

And falling headlong in the muck.

I do apologise for that
unfortunate incident, James.

- And for all the upset I caused.
- Rubbish.

I'd planned on visiting Sid and Elsie,

getting stuck in to help 'em.

If you hadn't warned us, well...

Things could be very different.

I owe you the apology.

Perhaps you'd let me borrow
some of your research papers,

discuss them over a pint, if
the invitation still stands?

I'd be delighted.

Very good.

- I think this calls for...
- I wonder, where we should begin?

Clostridial diseases
in sheep? Avian pox?

- Infectious stomatitis in reptiles?
- Yes, thank you, Carmody.

Nobody likes a know-it-all,
and we're about to eat.

You were saying?

This calls for a toast.

To knowledge, fleas...

... and our growing family.

ALL: Knowledge, fleas, and family!

The asparagus is marvellous.