04x03 - Star Studded Xmas Spectacular Part 1 & 2

[bunniefuu]

Oh, yeah. I'm looking at it right now.

She is so pimped out. It's awesome!

Freakin' hypno rims, plasma screens.

I got a t*nk filled with fuzzy navels.

You just sh**t it out the back and get a girl wasted.

No, I did it with a home equity loan.

It's kind of risky,

but it's gonna be worth it...

When I start raking in the .

Ha ha ha ha.

Ok.

No, I love you, too, mom.

I know you gotta go.

$?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

What are you coming at me with this $ business?

All right, look,

we'll talk about your food situation over the holidays.

Right now, I gotta cruise down the--

what the ?!

Hey!

Hey, how are you?

Where are my rims?!

Oh, those are brake rotors.

No duh, jackass!

I want to know where my freakin' hypno rims are?!

Oh, hypno rims. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I read about those.

Aren't they supposed to spin at the frequency

of the female brain wave, or something like that?

And confuse women into thinking the driver

is desirable when he's actually not, right?

Those--those are the ones, yeah! Where are they?

Oh, yeah, they're gone.

We have your rims now, fat man.

And now we're off on a quest

for honeys that are beyond fly.

We're gonna get so laid!

Err, please. Innuendo.

In your endo, man.

Get down here! I'm gonna whup your space ass!

Oh, come on, do it, big man.

You don't got the n--oh, my god!

You will never know where we are, fat man.

That's right!

We can be anywhere at any given time.

We're gonna circle the mall, biz-nits.

For any dumb reason in our head.

You're gonna give me them freakin' rims.

Ow! What's that? That tingles.

He has breached the force field.

Hey, man, open the force field.

Damage to quadrant -a.

And now you die.

You just have bedroots.

We have quadroots.

Engage woofer speed.

Mmm! Schnapps.

This, however...

Is your problem.

For the record, they're supposed to say, "I'm up for grabs."

It don't.

But I do have crabs.

You guys knew that, though.

How you pay for all this?

Hey, where you going, Carl?

Guess I'm gonna walk up to the strip club

and see if they take credit cards.

Carl, that's over a mile from here.

You will not survive!

I blew all my money on my car!

And it won't move!

What am I supposed to do here?!

To get women?

And it's taken you this long to ask the master, eh?

But first, I want to hear you say it.

Say what?

"Please, master, teach me the ways of the female form."

Please, master--

watch me, how I do it.

Watch the eyes. Watch the eyes.

And that's why he'll never learn.

Mmm.

It's a nice match cut.

Oh, hey, there.

You know, what you just witnessed

was a deleted scene from my movie entitled

untitled Master Shake project.

Funny, right? Funny thing is,

it wasn't even good enough to make the final print--

which isn't done yet. Ha ha ha ha.

Hey, let's take a look at another fun clip

that you'll never see in theaters.

Roll that clip!

What clip?

I rolled a doobie.

Ha ha ha ha. Roll the clip, you .

I swear to god, why did i--

all right, I'll do it, I'll do it.

Come on. I'm doing it.

Ahem.

All right.

Here we go.

Do it, please.

Roll that clip from raydon.

'Cause I want to see that monster, boy.

Ha ha. Excuse me just a moment.

You want to see a monster?

Don't hit me! Oh!

Here's a monster! Now, kiss the monster!

Kiss the monster in the face!

Oh, no, please!

You make me do this to you.

Sorry about that, folks.

Ah. Technical difficulties.

Is that all you got?

Ha ha.

There are plenty of monsters in Master Shake project.

Here's another unfortunate clip

that was poorly written, poorly animated, and poorly ex*cuted.

To top it all off,

had nothing to do with the story...

Which is very compelling.

Roll the clip, crap stain.

Give me that!

What's...

What the hell are you doing?

Reading.

Which episode is--

which issue is this?

Ah!

Yes.

Roll that clip.

Roll that hot sticky honey-coated clip.

Quick, please.

Hello. Over here.

Would you please get your piece of crap out of the road,

or perhaps I should move it for you.

This is our gift to you.

Our liability coverage is zero.

Our balls, however, are enormous.

Like our brains. You get it?

Hold your horses. Hold on.

Yeah, we have our hazards on.

And now they're broken.

Hey, man. Why don't you just, like, go around.

I will go around, err.

Oh, don't do that, no!

I'll go round and around and around and around yet again.

That's gonna cost a lot of money to fill.

Good-bye, fat man.

I will catch you on the flip side.

We have no remorse.

Oh, don't do th--oh!

The rims.

That's right, fat man.

Look directly into your rims

and let the waves of hypnosis

wash over your tiny brain.

For you are now our sl*ve.

You must be very hot in those pants of yours.

Yes, master.

Remove them at once and walk directly towards downtown.

It is very cool out here now.

And I shall tell the people in town this just before my arrest.

Wait, err.

Our new sl*ve can be of vast importance to us.

Yes, you're right.

For I have a plan I do not have yet.

And grab your butt while you're doing that.

Yes, grab your butt, and tell us, chubkins,

what were you doing hanging out with those zoo animals?

Yes, sl*ve?

Tell us out in the road

while you feed this broomstick up your ass.

Good call.

They...

Come here...

For the insane-o--

that hurts.

Flex.

You will tell us about this insane-o-flex.

Is this far enough, master?

Until the road dead ends.

The stick has met with resistance.

Your butt requires more wood!

Nice match cut.

What happens next?

You'll never know...

Who done it.

Who done what?

The movie? Ha!

Finally! Yes, thank you.

The project was supposed to be a mystery.

Once again, r*ped by Hollywood.

And as a result,

we end up with unmysterious clips like this--

which you better be so ready to roll.

Uh-- I just left there.

Well, maybe you should have left here.

And fix your tie.

It's on straight.

You're in Hollywood, baby.

I want to be on-camera...

'Cause I look good.

What, are you a busboy at Denny's?

Now, fat man,

the food creatures have the piece,

so what must you do?

Write "fart-monger" on my face in permanent ink, master.

Ha ha ha ha. That's right!

And then--and then...

Shave off half your stache! Ah ha ha ha ha.

But with your pants pooled

around your ankles like an ocean of shame.

Yeah, man! It's like you're standing around

in the shame surf because you vacationed on incompetent island!

I shall shave with this hedge clipper

as I anticipate all that you desire, master.

Make him tape his big fat hairy butt cheeks together!

Ha ha ha ha.

You know, so he couldn't poop.

'Cause that would be funny.

That would be boring.

And you are a child.

You get to do all the fun stuff!

Carl, whoa!

Whoa, Carl! What are you doing?!

Hey, hey, hey, buddy!

You join a fraternity or something?

Lambda phi butt-plug, or what?

Uh, just thought I'd come by

and see if you wouldn't mind

busting these eggs all over my body.

Carl, for you...

Of course, I would.

Make sure you mat it in my body hair.

Oh, and also, I want to check out the insane-o-flex.

Do a little working out. You know what I mean?

Mind if I sit down, do a few reps with it?

Want to take the broom out of your ass first, or--

no, I like it there.

I don't know why, but I do.

Sure we couldn't talk you into a pair of shorts?

Hey, hey, hey! You found the missing piece!

That's freakin' great!

Well, yeah. I'm having some trouble getting it in.

Well, ah, let me see if I can help you with that.

I'm good at getting stuff in.

Ha ha ha. Sucker!

Oh! Damn it!

Ha ha ha.

Well done, sl*ve.

Well done.

Yes, master.

And now, to complete--

to feed it up your ass.

Yes, master.

Hey, I don't want to be a downer or anything, but...

Um...

Well, where's the rest of it, man?

There is no rest of it.

Is there? Damn it!

There is, isn't there?

Impossible.

When we showed this to audiences

in the mall of america, their responses were varied.

Ludicrous was a word that we heard.

Deplorable. That was one.

Uh, unwatchable.

Yeah, ha ha.

But all in all, they were good.

When I was at that mall,

the security guard took me down

to the bathroom and said,

"this is how you don't touch people."

And I says, "what?!"

Uh...

I shouldn't have said that, should I?

Are you-- are you serious?

Ok.

Let's roll a clip from...

Meatwad's disco safari...

Party expl*si*n.

Come on, now.

Give it up, now.

You got it. You got it.

You got it going on. Come on, now.

Who's got it?

Oh, man! Come on, now.

Yeah, well...

I like the expl*si*n part.

That's bad. It's gritty.

It's real. And it's gone.

That's all right. That's all right.

I dubbed it.

Ha ha! Good night, everybody.

Ohh!

Word up, bitch.

We're scoring big with your wheels.

We got it going on!

Easy, baby.

Daddy's free all day.

So is err! Free for sex!

They're scoring all up in there.

Yeah, I see that.

They're doing what I should be doing now--

because they got my rims!

Hey, man, did it work?

Affirmative, err.

Awesome.

They are sweating beads of jealousy.

How come we ain't got no fly honeys yet, man?

We circled that mall.

We circled it, like, times.

We circled a forest, err.

That's why squirrels are following us.

You said that was a mall.

I said that probably was the mall.

Maybe we should probably get a map.

You should probably shut up from now on.

Ha ha ha. Oh.

When will they learn?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Let's take a look at another fun clip from my movie entitled

untitled Master Shake project.

Hey. That's right, buddy. Keep sawing.

Oh, man. I am glad you told me to do this.

It's not even sharp,

and he's actually making progress.

Carl?! Oh, hey! Come on in!

Shh, hide!

Yeah, I'm just trying to saw

my leg off with a butter Kn*fe.

Carl, no! Damn!

Why would you want to do something like that?

Well, 'cause I got, you know,

hypnotized by my rims there.

And I got a bunch of crazy aliens

in the bathroom telling me what to do.

And I'm doing it.

Well, fry man, you survived his captivating tale.

But we have your precious part,

and we will--

and you'll what?

We will...

What?

What did you want us do to?

We are here for you...

Whoa! Look who it is!

It's Carl!

My next door neighbor from untitled master Shake project.

Hey, there, happy man.

Hey, guy!

You still got that broom up your butt from the film?

Ha ha ha ha.

Yeah, actually I do.

You can't see it through the sweatpants there.

Huh?

Yeah, that's broom.

Yeah, those are some crazy special effects, huh?

No! Whoo!

No, I really did have it up my ass.

And it's still there. Here, let me show you.

Oh, no, no, no.

No, no, no. No, it's no trouble.

I want to do this. I want this to fail.

So, yeah, I can see it.

See, I was able to trim off most of the bristles,

you know, so I could sit without...

Too much pressure on my head.

Someone's got writer's block.

My hmo won't do nothing about it 'cause they dropped me.

Wow.

Let's cut away from you.

Hey, you guys keep it this cool in here all the time?

Talk about hard nipples here.

Uh, Carl,

you might need to take care of something

before you put those pants on.

Oh, that's why my neck is so freakin' stiff.

Well, look, grab that other end

and sort of just...Pull.

I'm gonna do it fast.

Very gently, very gently!

Gently! Gently, gently!

Aagh!

Oh, shut up. I know it hurts.

Ok.

Wait, wait. I don't understand.

I mean, if you-- if you took it out, I mean,

why is it--why is it still up here?

Oh, we had some reshoots.

I lost like days there, and i--

we'll talk about it later.

No, no, no. No, we'll talk about it now!

Now I'm confused here.

I thought you cut this scene out.

Look, I will admit that test audiences liked it.

But where's the footage, Carl?

I don't know, 'cause I lost it.

Well, we didn't have no fx budget, so we had to do it for real.

Hey. Hey, you want me to pull it out again?

Yes! Live! For the very first time!

Except for in that previous deleted scene.

Meatwad will free the broomstick

from the dank, hairy tomb of Carl's--

he's gone. What?

Yeah, he's gone. Oh, yeah.

That's 'cause I told him to go.

That's what directors do--

they direct.

And I directed him to go,

which he did. Good! Good scene, Carl.

Now, let's look at this next film clip.

I don't have a bed.

If one does as err does enough times,

one becomes as err is.

Would you be a dear and hang a sheet over those guys.

They're giving me the creeps.

I can't sleep with them.

Let's go.

Time to start doing what I ordered you to.

Look up here.

We need to motivate and find a way to stop that machine.

Uh...

Will you set the alarm for noon?

I don't want to let tomorrow get away from me.

The rims... Don't work on certain brains.

Well, I don't have a brain.

I am very proud to say that out loud.

All it does it get in the way of my cat-like instincts.

Wow, huh?

We felt that since we cut out anything

having to do with rims

or insane-o-flex or a wad of meat

or Frylock that there would be

a slight continuity error

having Frylock at the end of the scene here

when he was otherwise banished from the rest of the film.

I cut that scene.

But the interplay in it is so damn good,

it rips my heart out

every time I have to watch it.

Gotta tell you... It hurts.

You know, what?

Roll it again.

Ok.

Rewind it first, though!

Yes, from there. No, too far.

Back. Just a little more.

No, just a little. Little bit back.

Whoa, whoa! You're just past it.

Back, back. No, no.

Now you passed it again.

Forward, forward, forward. For--stop!

Too far. Back, back.

Stop. Stop it! Perfect.

That's where the magic starts.

I don't have a bed.

If one does as err does enough times,

one becomes as err is.

Would you be a dear and hang a sheet over those guys.

They're giving me the creeps.

I can't sleep with them.

Let's go.

Time to start doing what I ordered you to.

Look up here.

We need to motivate and find a way to stop that machine.

Uh...

Will you set the alarm for noon?

I don't want to let tomorrow get away from me.

The rims...

Don't work on certain brains.

Well, I don't have a brain.

I am very proud to say that out loud.

All it does it get in the way of my cat-like instincts.

I hate to lose that scene.

See, I was trying to make it

look like the mooninites had fired a giant b*llet

and I didn't have enough money

to paint him into a hobbit

so he could just run across the countryside

in the background and no one would care about what he does.

Damn it!

All in all, still it's...

It's right on the money.

Yep.

Solid Mark.

Very solid. Like my stool.

You've moved me.

You know, I hesitate to show you

this next scene...

Because it is the ending of my movie.

But you know what? It's so damn good.

It's got feeling... You know what?

Let's go full-throttle.

Screw the suits!

You just got Christmas early this year, kids!

I'm rolling it for you!

Baby, I want us to grow old together.

Have babies--

baby.

One. One baby. I hate kids.

But I know you love 'em.

And I'll let you out of your box to feed it.

Or maybe we could just cut some holes in the box.

You read me, baby?

Hey, come over here.

All right.

Now, fellate me as I eat this expensive ham.

And she does. Twice.

But we don't have to show it on the screen.

It's so boring when I watch a movie

and all they show is big beautiful breasts

and sex scenes one after another.

Ha ha ha ha. She hit you, boy.

I'm not saying that it won't make the movie.

But I've been told by many people that it's not.

That ain't in the movie?

Dang executives always screwing up the art...

Of cinema. Cinnamon?

Hey, I'm still fighting for it.

Cinema.

'Cause that's what the core of this character is all about.

Family, love...

Keeping Jewel thieves from stealing the-- the Jewel stuff,

the royal Ruby of Aruba.

There's a lot about that in there, too.

I have a--i break into a museum.

You know, it's minutes.

We gotta, you know, pack a lot of in minutes.

All in all, it's an action romance horror comedy.

It's a rom-action-hority.

And you're gonna pay me bucks to see it.

You bet I will.

When's it come out?

This Christmas.

And spring.

Both.

You know, when it's re-released in color.

Hey.

Should we do it?

Do--do what?

Show them a clip that actually made the movie.

I don't care.

What movie?

All right! Then it's settled!

It's time to roll that bitch!

* Uh. Uh *

Yes.

And...scene.

That's a wrap

for the old "aqua teen" deleted scene movie special.

Until next time,

I'll see you on the pan

over to the trucking sh*t before it fades to black.

Ah, Carl!

So you found a little prop g*n there for yourself.

No, no, no. It's not a--it's not a prop g*n.

It's a shotgun.

They use it for--

for death.

Do we have any more time left?

Well, you do.

Because I want to roll

Meatwad's sensation celebration disco party time.

Go ahead. Knock yourself out.

Hey, Carl.

All right, knucklehead.

Why don't we roll that clip again.

I want you to show me the moment

that I get pissed off at you.

Carl, look, we have narrative issues.

No, I can see that.

Second act was flabby.

No help from you.

We had to fire the caterer

and the studio wanted those broom sh*ts.

Not me.

Oh, it's them. Not you.

Oh, I see.

I wanted to go further. I said, "let's do cgi."

They said flatly, "no."

They wanted gritty realism.

No, I'm a method actor. I understand that, yeah.

Where do you want it, the heart or the brain?

Yeah? Deniro would have shoved a broom up his ass.

All I would have had to say was,

"Bobby, we're thinking about the guy's got a broom in his--"

boom, it would have been done.

No, I know, I know.

You gotta know what it feels like up there.

Where is your brain?

Know what it's like to have it up your butt.

Feel it.

How about I just blow your straw off?

That would be funny.

It's gotta be an extension

of yourself before you can act it.

It's time for your close-up.

How do you like me now?