01x16 - PDA

[bunniefuu]

Gentlemen, behold!

I have lost weight!

Hey, hey, looking good.

Yes. Uh, all sugars gone.

Manually! With this!

Ok, uh, I think i'm gonna go to lunch.

I need to lose more pounds,

or I'll never be pretty!

Where the hell is it?

Now, what the--it looked good right there.

It was decorative, it matched the drapes--

don't you play dumb!

You know why I had to do that!

Now go outside and get it!

Tell me again why did you have to do that, Shake.

Someone stole my PDA,

and I will ruin this house

with my anger!

Since when do you

have a personal digital assistant?

You didn't get my wireless e-mail?

Go get the chair!

Look, Shake, people usually get a PDA

when they have a job and friends and a life.

Well, listen to me. You have no idea

what I happen to do for a--for a living.

You damn right I don't.

I saw you boil a hot dog today.

Did you get paid for that?

Because I don't have access

to my scheduling book

because my PDA's gone!

Ok, here's our chair.

Now you go get it again!

And get it right this time!

Ok, ok, just calm down, all right?

I'm sure it's around here somewhere.

I mean, where else could it be?

Hmm. Well, I know yesterday

I was tracking alien footprints

in the adirondacks.

Yeah. Right.

I had it.

I set it down on the stump

to meet their leader and k*ll him

once I found his plan

about taking over the earth,

but then I picked it back up.

Hmm.

I know I had it then.

And you're sure about all this?

Yes. To the adirondacks!

God--who put this chair here!

Ok, um,

when I was saying the adirondacks,

I think what I was referring to

was those really nice chairs that

I was looking at in that catalogue.

So you've never been here in your life?

If I got 'em, you know you'd sit in 'em.

Hey, check this out.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, no way!

Is that my thing? Did you find it?

I think this is an actual alien footprint.

Are you--what? Are you serious?

Come on! Let's go!

Shake, we need to track these.

Shake?

Meatwad? I saw him.

Hey, buddy. How you doing?

Oh, hey yourself, buddy, hey.

By the way, thanks for leaving me

back there with those alien guys.

I mean, you know how I love getting stepped on.

Look, I can't--

I mean, those are the breaks, right?

What is this? A t*rture device?

Tor--ha ha! Oh, come on.

We're looking for my thing together.

We're like buds. It's cool!

Hey, you fry.

Why don't you go check the gutters?

Why would it be up in the gutter, Shake?

That's where your DVD burner ended up

when it decided not to work.

Oh, I damn sure better not find that up there.

Well, that's the last place I remember chucking it.

I know you have it.

Now, where did you put it?

Or are you enjoying the briny deep?

Well, I'm telling you that I did not take it.

Yeah, sure. You'll talk.

Wait a minute! Don't do--

they all talk sooner or later.

Hey! Damn it,

you did throw my DVD burner up here!

Look, next time, try buying one that works.

Oh, my god! Pull him up! He's turning blue!

You know, you baby him too much.

He needs to learn the importance

of telling the truth, Frylock.

Get him out of this damn cage!

Now, where is it, little man?

Meatwad, can you hear me? Meatwad?

We'll go in your room next!

Does that scare you that I said that?

Hmm? Think fast!

. Come on, Meatwad.

, -- all right!

Well, I guess i'm satisfied, then.

Breathe, damn it!

Get him away from me!

I'll make a deal with you.

You come clean with me right now,

and I won't bring your parents into this.

Parents?

Shake, you need to stop this right now.

Meatwad doesn't have it.

I have some parents, Frylock?

Hell no, you don't have parents.

Meatwad, Meatwad.

Meatwad, look, I mean, you may.

You may. You probably do.

I don't know.

Maybe-- what are you doing?!

I'm gonna have to blow this thing apart.

Wait. Wait a minute, Shake.

Just--look, just calm down, all right?

All right, it's not that serious.

But my scheduling!

I need to access my database

and see if i'm on schedule!

I don't know. Look--

look at me. Come on. Please. Please, Shake.

We don't need this.

Frylock, you're right.

This is crazy.

What am I doing?

It'll turn up somewhere. Won't it be funny?

I'm surprised I didn't have it

in a pocket somewhere.

Ha ha! Except I got no pockets.

It'll turn up.

Well, it wasn't there.

But I had to know.

Romulox!

The Trenton tar pits!

That's where it is!

Hi. This is your captain speaking.

Welcome to the glass bottom boat ride

at the world-famous Trenton tar pits.

I just want to let you know I'm a convicted sex offender.

What kind of boat ride is this?

We ain't even moving.

Of course we're not gonna move!

We're in tar, for crying out loud!

Tar? Well, I tell you,

if I want to smell like a shingle,

I'll go up on the roof and get my frisbee

and my t*nk top and my captain eo out of the gutter.

Yeah. He's right, Shake. Why are we here?

Shh! All will be revealed

if you just listen to the captain.

Uh-oh, ladies and--

hang on to the handrail, folks.

We're entering some choppy tar.

I hope our ship will hold together.

This is the worst I think I've ever encountered.

Ok, here we go.

Oh, no, ladies and gentlemen,

now we're being att*cked.

Look to your left over the tarboard side.

Giant microscopic tar monsters.

He said tar monster! I told you!

I guess I'm gonna have to get out and fight them,

ladies and gentlemen.

Didn't believe me, did you?

Good luck, captain.

There ain't nothing over here but tar

and a condom wrapper. This is gross.

Ok, I'm back,

and we're safe, ladies and gentlemen.

They won't be bothering us anymore.

I chased them off with my nudity.

Does that arouse anyone down there, or...

What does that mean?

It means we're gonna get off this boat right now.

Look, will you just read the information panel?

You'll see it. Yeah. Tar monsters, huh?

Hey, how do I know if I'm aroused?

Hush. He's reading.

"Tar. Mother nature's phlegm."

Well--well, what-- what does it say

on there about the monsters?

It doesn't say nothing. That's it.

Because they don't want you to know about them.

Now, I've had a longstanding rivalry

with the tar creatures

and the tar leader romulox,

who is a son of a--

he's always trying to copy me.

Ok. And we've docked.

And I feel a little sexy.

Come on, Shake. Let's go.

Romulox, I know you're in there,

and if I find out you've got my PDA,

are you gonna be in trouble, boy.

Come on, Shake!

Who down there wants to meet the captain

and feel sexy with him?

Ooh, I do! I want to meet the captain!

No, you don't.

I wanted to meet that captain,

get sexy with him, or whatever he said.

Here you go, Shake.

What is this?

I got it at the gift shop. It's a paa--

personal analog assistant.

And it's got the tar pits on the cover

so you can remember your imaginary friend romulox.

How does it, uh, sync up with the computer?

Well, it doesn't. You kind of have

to write your own dates in.

Aw, gee whiz!

This is the greatest present

I ever had in my whole life

that I never wanted ever.

I'll just break out the GPS tracking--

ooh! I just remembered, it doesn't have it.

It doesn't even have a map in here!

All that's in here is paper!

If I wanted that... All right.

I'd chop down a bunch of trees in the rainforest.

You don't want it, give it to me.

I'll use it. No!

Nobody will have it.

Hey, Frylock, you know, I could have played Tetris,

but I'd have to animate it

page by page and make a flip book--

romulox! You!

Hey. Yeah, it's me. What's the problem?

Who the hell is this?

Tell him who you are, romulox.

And hey, oh, nice gloves.

Wherever did you get those?

Excuse me. I'm on the phone.

Oh, jeez, i'm-- I didn't see the--

you know, let me get back to you.

I've got some subhumans here.

Videophone me, all right, buddy?

I'll be at the seasons. You got it, babe.

Excuse me. What are you doing in our house?

Look, now, that was a phone call.

I'm sure you've had one,

but I get them all the time.

I was just saying about the gloves--

oh, these. Yeah.

They're the original yellows.

Oh, I didn't see your knock-offs there. Nice.

You going for that ironic look

or the, "look, I don't have any money" look?

I don't know. Which one would you do?

Please be quiet. I'm scheduling here.

Is this your PDA?

With an mp function!

Look, I'm trying to put my birthday

on the schedule, all right?

And it's metallic blue! This is the one I want!

I mean, the one i-- I had and I lost.

So you didn't take his PDA?

Oh, gee, I'm sorry. Is this the movie thief,

music by tangerine dream? I don't think so.

How do you get the music to go?

Yeah, don't hit it. Don't hit it. Come on.

Just think about the music,

and the mind link function will pick up your vibe.

Ah! It works!

Does it teleport?

I don't know, man. You tell me.

Ah! I gotta frigging have this!

Yeah. Take it.

It's yours. Really?

Yeah. It's-- it's old, man.

It is? Look at it.

It makes me look like a hillbilly.

Look, I'm better than you, ok? I just am.

Whoa, that's cool! What's that?!

What's it look like, dude?

It's a grappling hook. Where have you been, man?

What's wrong with your elbow?

Oh, you didn't get that surgery. I'm sorry.

We don't have insurance.

Only people in the world have the easyflow elbow,

and one of them happens to be named Bruce Willis.

Ok. I'll see you at the chateau.

All right, the chateau!

Hold on, Magellan. I'm on the phone again.

Hands-free bell unit?

We talked about this already.

I'm so sorry.

I am Audi .

Ciao.

I'll come--I'll come over. I'll call you later.

You say hi to Magellan for me there, crazy kook.

Yeah, is this v. Roney insurance?

Oh, hey, vishal. How you doing?

What's up?

I didn't recognize you. How are the kids? Good?

What do you mean, my kids? What's up?

Yeah, look, vishal--

where did you get my number?

My pool exploded... Again.

We don't cover mysterious explosions--

what do you mean,

it doesn't cover mysterious explosions?

How many of these do you have in a week?

Do I look like a money tree?

I know you're not a magical money tree.

Carl, Carl, come on! Guess who I am! Guess!

No, that's nothing. What do you care?

You're not gonna cover it anyway.

I'm Batman!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I'm Batman, too, huh?!

Ha ha ha ha ha! Aaaaaah!

Better hope your gutter didn't scratch my hook.

Carl?