02x31 - Fish and Make Up

[bunniefuu]

(Giggling)

Oh, that sweater looks

so adorable on you!

WADE:

But you haven't

even seen it on me yet, babe.

True, but I know

it'll look cute.

I mean, how can it not?

(Sighing)

Yep. So cute.

How about we find

you something?

Really? Okay!

You're the best.

No, you're the best.

Sorry I'm taking so long.

I bet you don't think

I'm the best anymore.

Nah.

(Crashing)

I think you're

better than the best.

BOTH:

Aww!

They are just...

BOTH:

So sweet!

Ugh. Sweet like vomit.

I don't know what's worse,

the lovey-dovey baby talk or

shopping at the Tacky Barn. Ugh!

Hello.

What, you didn't get me one?

No. Was I supposed to?

Uh, yes.

Hey, get your own!

That's so not sweet.

So, how about

a movie tonight, Cait?

You read my mind!

BOTH:

Aww!

So, how about this one?

I chose last time,

so whatever you want.

No, not whatever you want.

Hand it over. C'mon.

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon,

c'mon, c'mon, c'mon.

(Clearing throat)

Yeah.

How long you two been going out?

Nine days.

Are you kidding me?

This is a chick flick!

Come on, give the guy

some respect here!

Here, take this.

Thank me later.

Why do you come here?

Because of Jude and Wyatt.

Who's your new friend, Jude?

Don't know.

Someone left him here.

I think I'm gonna name him...

Fish.

How long have you been waiting

for his owner to come back?

Six hours. But it's cool.

He likes k*ll Phil.

(Fighting sounds on TV)

♪

♪ Life begins after school ♪

♪ That's when we bend

all the rules ♪

♪ Time to hang

with all my friends ♪

♪ We like to be together ♪

♪ In a place where we belong ♪

♪ I'm ,

starting to find my way ♪

♪ Got a new job ♪

♪ Going to start

at the mall today ♪

♪ Thank God I'm on my own

for the first time ♪

♪ I'm , life is sweet ♪

♪ When you're

growing up so fast ♪

♪ You got to make

the good times last ♪

♪ I'm , I'm ♪

♪ Got to make

the good times last ♪

It's like Wade knows

exactly what I'm thinking.

You know when someone knows

what you're gonna say

before you say it?



Yep.

Like the other day, Wade and I

were in the food court and--

JEN:

Wade wiped your

chair off for you.

Oh. I guess I told you

that story already.

Ten times.

But it's okay. Go ahead.

Okay. So, we're in the

food court, and Wade...

...said "That's where they

get cashmere, from goats!"

(Giggling)

...which is where Wade

eventually wants to take me.

...at least, that's what Tyson--

Wade's best friend

in the whole world-- said...

...that I'm going to

Wade's house for dinner

to meet his family!

(Squealing happily)

Wade... Wade... Wade... Wade...

Wade... Wade... Wade...

Wade... Wade... Wade...

(Repeating "Wade...")

(Repeating

"Wade...")

(Sighing)

Hey, did I tell you guys

about the time Wade--

Yes.



And the time that Wade--

Yes.



And that other time Wade--

Yes!

You don't even know

what I'm gonna say.

Yes, we do.

If it happened,

we've heard it.

Hey, what's up?

Jude!

Run away, man.

You're just in time for

my new story about Wade!

Wade took me out on

the most amazing date

for our eight-day anniversary!

First we--

(Screaming)

Would you just shut up!

Um...

Oh, come on!

Everyone's thinking it.

It's always "Wade, Wade, Wade."

Can't you talk about

something else for once?

(Growling)

Come on, guys,

let's just forget--

Just because Wade isn't

important to you

doesn't mean you can't listen!

That's what friends do! Right?

BOTH:

Uh...

Uh...

(Gasping)

Well, a real friend

wouldn't bore everyone

twenty-four seven

with boyfriend trivia.

Especially when one of

us was recently dumped.

Right, Wyatt?

Thanks for bringing that one up.

Wade is not trivial, Nikki.

You're just saying that because

you-- you're-- you're jealous!

Look, this isn't--

Jealous? Why?

Because I don't

have a boyfriend

who helps me

pick out pink sweaters?

Did you just call me

your boyfriend?

No, I said--

'Cause I could've sworn

I heard the word 'boyfriend'.

Jonesy, you're not my boyfriend.

We're just-- we're just--

See? You can't even

commit to Jonesy,

who's obviously

totally into you!

(Purring)

You don't deserve to

have a relationship!

Oh, heh, is

that what you call

your nonstop

shopping spree with Wade?

Do you have any idea

how shallow you are?

(Gasping)

Well, at least

I'm not a total cow!

(Gasping)

S-so, d-did I tell you guys

I got a sweet new job

in the woman's

fragrance department?

BOTH:

Shut up, Jonesy!

You're right, Caitlin!

I don't want to listen

to your stupid stories

because I'm not

your real friend!

In fact,

we're not friends at all!

(Gasping)

(Whimpering)

(Wailing)

(Wailing)

(Blowing nose loudly)

(Chuckling)

(Laughing)

Do you think I'm shallow?

(Laughing, blowing raspberry)

Nah na na nah!

(Blowing raspberry)

(Whimpering)



(Musical ringtone playing)

Hey!

Hey, Caitlin. You okay?

Me? Oh, sure, I'm fine.

She's okay.

I mean, why wouldn't I be?

Nikki's the mean one, and she's

gonna be stuck with her mean,

mean self for the

rest of her life, right?

Scratch that, she's not okay.

I am so never talking

to her ever again.

Anyway,

we don't need her, right?

Um, we?

Yeah! Someone that mean doesn't

deserve such amazing friends.

So--do you guys

want to grab a bite later?

I was supposed to

see a movie with Wade,

but I really need

you guys right now.

Sure. Tonight.

(Phone beeping)



Oh! I've got another call.

Talk later?

Definitely. Can't wait. Bye!

Hey.

Hey, Nikki. How're you doing?

Me? I'm fine.

Nikki's okay.

I'm so over Caitlin.

We are way

better off without her.

We? Scratch that,

Nikki's not okay.

Yeah, it'll be

like it was before.

Hey, you guys up

for a movie tonight?

I really need to hang.

Tonight...

You're not doing

anything, are you?

Um... Yeah.

Oh. What?

I mean, no.

Uh, sure, a movie.

Cool. Later.

So, what's up for tonight?

We're grabbing

a bite with Caitlin

and going to a movie with Nikki!

Uh, how does that work?

I have no idea.

WOMAN: Are you listening to me?



Uh-huh.

I told you we need bread...



Uh-huh.

Okay.

So, I ask hot women--

I mean, uh, all women

if they'd like to try our

new fragrance. Got it.

(Clicking tongue)

Hello, madam.

Can I interest you

in a dab of Roar,

our new women's fragrance?

(Sniffing)

Oh!

(Purring)

Ooh...

Mmm...

(Chuckling)

Piece of cake.

(Chuckling)

I never thought I'd say this,

but you and that fish really

seem to be getting along.

We've got a lot

of common interests.

We both like water,

and bubbles,

and plastic bags.

(Gasping)

(Screaming)

Dude! What do you

think you're doing?

Sushi? Could you be

any more insensitive?

Uh, sorry.

Not to me, man.

To Fish.

Sorry... Fish.

KIRSTEN:

Welcome to the Khaki Barn!

(Kirsten giggling)

(Gasping)



Ugh!

(Growling)

(Sighing)

I guess I'll never get

to shop there ever again.

Good thing I bought that

t*nk top this morning.

(Gasping)

I've just lost a friend

and here I am talking

about t*nk tops!

Maybe Nikki's right.

Maybe I shallow.

Ooh!

The new Espadrilles are in.

(Sighing)

Maybe Caitlin's right.

Maybe I a cow.

I know I can be a

little mean sometimes,

but hey, at least I'm honest.

Right?

(Gasping)

Um, we think you

should stop talking to us.

I liked it way better

when she ignored us.

Why aren't we

at the Lemon again?

Uh, if Nikki saw us with

Caitlin, she'd never forgive us.

I dunno, dudes.

I feel weird, sneaking around.

It's just until

we can figure out

how we can get

them back together.

Hey, Wyatt, watch this.

I'm gonna snag you a new hottie.

WYATT:

What the-- oh no!

He's talking to Serena!

(Speaking inaudibly)

(Groaning)

Jonesy, that was

my old hottie, remember?

Oh! Right!

Sorry, dude.

I think I'm just gonna hang

with Starr and Fish tonight.

Good call.

Hubba, hubba...

Hel-lo.

Sorry, Wyatt, this one's for me.

Hey, what about Nikki?

Well seeing as

I'm not her 'boyfriend',

I'd say that

makes me a free agent.

How do I look?

Ugh.

Ugh!

(Screaming)

Smooth.

(Gulping)

Perfume smells so good!

Who knew it could taste so bad?

So, we've got the

plan straight, right?

We're meeting

Nikki at seven-thirty.

Right.



But that's in half an hour!

JEN:

Ssh! Here comes Caitlin.

Hey guys!

Hey Cait.

So, we ready to order?

Cajun burger.



Pizza.

Jumbo su1c1de nachos?

Hmm. Let's see.

Dink-de-dink-dink-ding...

I think I'll have the...

(Gasping)

Chicken club.

Your favourite.

Mmm...

Okay.

Almost done there, Jonesy?

Um, you guys kind of seem

like you're in a rush.

We're going to a movie.

Oh! Who is?

Um...

Jonesy and Wyatt!

It's a boys' night!

You guys better run, the movie

starts at : , remember?

Hey! Can we get those to go?

Are you in a rush too, Jen?

I thought maybe we could--

I promised my parents

I'd be home to--

whoops! Look at the time. Gotta

run. See you tomorrow, Cait.

Gotta bounce.

JONESY:

Later.

Oh no!

Jonesy's doggie bag!

(Chattering in movie)

(Belching)

Hmm...

JEN:

Hi.

What happened to : ?

The movie started

five minutes ago!

Sorry.

We got held up at--

Jonesy! Wyatt!

You forgot your--

BOTH:

Hey! What is she doing here!

Uh-oh.

Oh, so what, you went out

and forgot to invite me?

That's just great.

You guys are going

to a movie with Nikki?!

BOTH:

You lied!

We're sorry, but you guys

didn't give us a choice.

Oh, we'll give you

a choice, all right!

You get to choose right now,

it's either me or her.

Yeah! Her or me!

BOTH:

Ugh!

I can't believe how

awful last night went.

Ugh.

I know.

What's with you, Jonesy?

Nikki won't even speak to me!

And I got transferred to the

men's fragrance department.

Now I gotta spray guys,

dude. Guys!

That's rough.

(Laughing)

When can we go back

to the lemon?

Forget the lemon.

This is Nikki and Caitlin

that we're talking about.

We can't choose between them!

Why can't we all

just be friends again?

It's complicated.

You mean, chicks

are complicated.

No, we're not!

Yes, you are!

Yes, you are!

That's why I like Fish.

You're not

complicated, are you, Fish?

Jude!

You brought the

fish back to the mall?

Sure. What else would

I have done with him?

Um, put him in a fishbowl?

You're not supposed to

carry it around with you!

The bag's just for

getting the fish home.

But how would Fish see

the world, cooped up in my room?

(Laughing)

Woo-hoo-hoo!

♪

(Chuckling)

Actually,

Fish isn't looking so hot.

Hmm. He's probably hungry.

I promised I'd take him to

Nice Cinnabuns for breakfast.

Yeah. Right.

So, what's the plan for getting

Nikki and Caitlin back together?

If we can get them in the

same place for two seconds,

maybe they'll talk.

Where are you going?

To get me and Fish some brekkie.

Fine.

We'll come up with a plan.

So, what's the plan for getting

Nikki and Caitlin back together?

Nothing.

Then, I guess it's

time for Plan B.

But we don't have a Plan A yet.

Exactly.

That's why it's time for Plan B.

What's Plan B?

Fish and I have been talking,

and we think we've

figured something out.

(Phone dialling)

(Gasping)

(Gasping)



(Glass breaking)

(Gasping)

(Speaking inaudibly)

(Speaking inaudibly)

Ahh!

(Screaming)

(Grunting)

(Groaning)

(Groaning)

Ow! Ouch!

Ow! Ow!

Sorry.

JEN:

Ouch!

I know this must hurt.

Ow!

Would you guys mind

easing up on the thorns?

This obviously isn't working.

Obviously!

Let's keep this simple.

I get the east side of the mall,

you get the west.

Stay off my side.

Fine!



Fine.

BOTH:

Fine!

I can't believe I took eighty

thorns in the butt for nothing.

So much for Plan B.

Uh-oh.

What?

Fish doesn't look so good.

Fish is fine,

he's just chillin'.

Chillin'?

Or maybe he's having a nap.

Fish?

Fish?

Wake up, Fish.

I don't think Fish

is asleep, Jude.

Then, why won't he wake up?

I'm sorry, man.

(Gasping)

Fish is... dead?

No!

Fish!

I can't believe I spray dudes

with cologne for a living!

(Clearing throat)

(Yelping)

I feel your pain, man,

that stuff tastes like crap.

Ahem.

No accounting for taste?

(Chuckling nervously)

Right,

I'll go pack up my locker.

So you've got your

choice of titanium--

(Sniffling)

Um, can you excuse me?

Jude? Are you okay?

Fish was such

an awesome little dude.

I feel like I should do

something for him.

Don't worry,

I'll take care of it.

(Musical ringtone playing)

Hello?

Hey, bad news.

Fish is dead.

(Gasping)

Oh, no.

Yup. And Jude's pretty

broken up about it.

I'm planning a funeral.

Oh, poor Jude.

Wait. This isn't a ploy

to get me and Nikki

talking again, is it?

Trust me, no.

But I hope Nikki shows up.

Jude needs all his

friends right now.

Right. Where?

Loathsome washrooms.

Four o'clock.

Don't mention the washrooms!

They're on Nikki's

side of the mall,

and I've been

holding it in all day.

No way.

Not if Caitlin's gonna be there.

Besides, the washrooms are on my

side of the mall, not hers.

Well you're gonna

have to let her

go to the bathroom

at some point, Nikki.

This is important.

We're doing it for Jude.

Fine.

Ooh...

Hello?

JEN:

In here.

Where's Caitlin?

(Door opening)

Be there in a sec!

(Whimpering)

(Sighing in relief)

(Humming)

(Sighing)

(Clearing throat)

(Flatulence)

(Toilet flushing)

Sorry.

Kind of an emergency.

(Clearing throat)

(Sad organ music playing)

We are gathered here today

to honour the

short life of Fish.

Fish was an awesome friend,

an all-around cool little dude.

Fish was great to

go boarding with,

even though he didn't

really like to board,

but he went with me anyway,

'cause that's what friends do.

Fish was the strong silent type.

He didn't have a lot to say,

but he was there to listen.

Even though we only

knew each other for a day,

I'll remember Fish forever.

(Sniffling)

I'm sorry, Nikki,

I've been a bad friend!

Me too. Sorry.

Look, do we have

to do that thing,

y'know, where we... make up?

Oh yes! I'll start.

I'm so sorry I called you a cow.

I totally didn't mean it.

You might come across

as mean sometimes,

but you're honest,

which is amazing.

(Sighing)

Sorry I said you were shallow.

Sure, you talk about boys

and clothes a lot,

but you also care

about your friends.

We're lucky to have you.

I'm lucky to have you. Friends?

Friends.

Oh, Jude, sorry!

It's Fish's funeral.

No worries.

That was awesome,

even though Fish is dead.

Whenever you're ready, dude.

Ashes to ashes,

and um, fish to toilet.

(Toilet flushing)

Fish would've dug that.

Definitely.

(Sighing contentedly)

No more hanging at the fountain.

Fish liked it there.

Nikki and I have

something for you, Jude.

We didn't really get

to know Fish that well,

and I hope it's not too soon.

Hmm.

Cool!

It's a pet rock.

It's, um, guaranteed not to die.

Thanks, dudettes!

Rocks rock.

Well, c'mon, rock.

You'll ride up front with me!

Later.

♪

(Toilet flushing)

♪