01x01 - Dennis Goes to the Movies

[bunniefuu]

-Come on, Dennis.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
I'm in the bathroom!

-Well, come on.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Maybe I'll try shaving!

-Dennis, come here this instant.

-If you take a bath,
don't step on my frog.

-Dennis, take off your
pistols and get in bed.

-Why don't we go down and
have a baloney sandwich?

-Dennis, get in bed.

-OK.

-Thank goodness.

-Mom, how come you always
say "thank goodness" instead

of "good night"?

[theme music]

-Have a cookie, men?

-You know, Joey, there goes the
best mom in the whole world.

Yes, siree.

She's been trying to get Dad to
fix this table for a long time,

and I'm gonna do it for her.

I'm pretty good with
a screwdriver, Joey.

I just put it in the little
slot, and then I turn.

Whoops!

This table's got a loose leg.

Come here, Joey.

You kneel here while
I fix this leg.

I think-- I think I'll use
the hammer on this one.

I'm even better with hammers
than I am with screwdrivers.

Whoops!

Sorry, Joey.

You see, if I hammer
it on the side,

it'll squirt out on the top.

-Ah, Dennis, if you must
hammer, do it outside.

-OK, Mom.

You wait here, Joey.

-No, take Joey with you.

I want you both
out from underfoot.

-I don't think I'd
better take Joey.

-Oh, both of you now.

Scoot.
-But Mom--

-Oh, Dennis, please.

Go on out.

-But Mom, Joey's--

-You are both
holding up my work.

Now, scoot.

Out, out, out.

-OK, Mom.

I just hope you don't get
another sick headache.

Come on, Joey.

-Hey, there's good old Mr.
Wilson painting his house.

Hello, Mr. Wilson!

-Oh, no.

Not today.

I haven't the strength.

-Hello, Mr. Wilson!

We'll have to go closer, Joey.

Hey, Mr. Wilson!

Want us to help you
the paint the house?

-Read the sign!

Read the sign!

Watch out for Fremont.

-I always watch out for Fremont.

He's a good old dog.

-Oh, Dennis, don't let him out!

He never comes back!

[barks]

-He's a sure good
runner, Mr. Wilson.

-How many times have I told you!

The last time, it took three
hours and a pound of hamburger

to get him back.

Hey!

Come here!

Come on, Fremont!

Come back here!

-He'll be tired
when he gets back,

so let's paint
his house for him.

Have you ever painted
a house before, Joey?

Neither have I. I guess
it's like finger painting,

only bigger.

-Dennis, get off the ladder.

-You're sure getting
fast, Mr. Wilson.

You caught him.
-Yes.

Yeah, today I was lucky.

Now, get off the ladder.

-Are you nervous, Mr. Wilson.?

-Yes, I'm very nervous.

-Every place I've been today,
people have been nervous.

-Now look, give me the brush.

-But I want to help.

-Well, that's what
I'm afraid of.

Now, hand it over.

No, the handle
first, handle first.

-That was close, wasn't it?

-Yes, everything
with you is close.

Come on, get down now.

-Joey, bring the paint over
here so me and Mr. Wilson

can get it easy.

-Oh.

Dennis, get off this ladder.

It's very shaky.

-OK.

We've got a very shaky
ladder here, Joey.

I better hold it for him.

-Dennis, get away
from that ladder!

-I'm safe.

-Yeah, but I'm not.

-You will be as soon as
we straighten it a little.

-What?

-Help me pull it
over this way, Joey.

Whoops!

You got your foot in
the paint, Mr. Wilson.

Joey, I think we better go home.

Huh, Joey?

Don't you think
we'd better go home?

-That Dennis, such a menace.

-And do you know what
the plumber found?

Dennis' yo-yo.

-I'll have to have a talk
with that boy, Alice.

-And then, your son--

-My son?

---came in and informed
me he'd installed

an a*t*matic sprinkler system.

-A what?

-He buried the hose.

-He's quite a guy.

I'll have to go out
later and dig it up.

-Mhm.

He's quite a guy, all right.

If his energy were
run through a wire,

you could light New York City.

I love him, but I'm exhausted.

Will you take me
to a movie tonight?

-Well, sure, honey.
What do you want to see?

-How about the Glenn Ford
picture around the corner?

Tonight's the last night.

-You want to see a western?

-I want to see Glenn Ford.

-Well, you've got
a Henry Mitchell.

What's the matter with him?

-Not a thing.

I'm going to hold
Henry Mitchell's hand,

and I'm going to put my head
on Henry Mitchell's shoulder.

And I'm just going to relax
and keep my eyes on Glenn Ford.

-I'm home!

-Dennis, you and I are going
to have to have a little talk.

-Why don't we go upstairs?

-What for?

-So we won't be bothered if,
uh, uh, somebody comes over.

-All right, Dennis.

What have you done
now and who to?

-And how much is it
going to cost me?

-Mitchell!

Mitchell, I want to talk to you.

-Uh, come in, Mr. Wilson.

-Uh, no, I-- I better not.

Thanks to Dennis, I just
stepped in a bucket of paint.

I don't want to be
a grouch, but Dennis

is just too much
for a man my age.

I like to putter around the
house and work with my flowers

and take a nap in the afternoon.

Is that too much to ask?

-Oh, no.

No, of course not.

-Don't you like me, Mr. Wilson?

-Yes, I like you.

You're full of pep.

You're cheerful.

You're always helping everybody.

Dennis, you drive me nuts.

-Mr. Wilson, uh, I'll see that
Dennis stays away from you.

And-- and let me know
how much the paint costs.

I want to pay for it.

-Well, just forget
about the paint.

Buy me a new pair of shoes.

-Well, send me a bill.

-I will.
Ooh.

-Today is a day much like any
other day, only you are here.

-I'd sure like to
see that picture.

I've wanted to see that
picture all my life.

-Not tonight, Dennis.

-Joey's seen it.

Every kid in the
neighborhood's seen it.

I'm probably the only
kid in the whole world

that seen that picture.

Poor kids have seen it.

Orphans have seen it.

-Dennis, not tonight.

-Tomorrow?

-No.

-Why not?

-Because tonight's the
last night, that's why.

-If you take me tonight, you
won't have to get a babysitter.

-Ooh, yes, there
is that problem.

They never come
back a second time.

-If you can't get anybody,
can I go to the picture?

-Uh, Dennis, I'll
find somebody if I

have to call every
agency in this state.

We'll probably have to.

-Haven't gotten
one yet, huh, Mom?

-Not yet.

-The sitters in this town
are a bunch of cowards.

-With a bunch of phony excuses.

If they weren't washing their
hair, they had studying to do

or they were already
busy tonight.

One girl even got
so flustered, she

told me she had a date
to go pearl diving.

-Well, I guess I'll just have to
go to that old movie after all.

-Give me another
number quick, Henry.

-Honey, I don't think we
ought to tie the phone up.

There's still that Mrs. Porter.

Her landlady said she call
the minute she came in.

-Joey's mother never has any
trouble getting a sitter.

-Dennis, there is
a slight difference

between you and Joey.

-Yeah, I guess he
is a little younger.

-And a little better at
staying out of trouble.

-That's one reason why I
like you to play with him.

Maybe some of his good
behavior will rub off on you.

[phone rings]

-I'll get it!

-No, you don't.

Henry, you get it.

For luck.

-Hello?

Hello, Mrs. Porter.

Yes, well, we were
wondering if you

could sit for us this evening.

Uh, yes.

Just one.

A little boy named Dennis.

Well, yes, we thought it
was a very nice name too.

Well, that's-- that's
fine, Mrs. Porter.

Wonderful.

We'll be expecting you
in about half an hour.

That's right.
The address is Elm.

That's right.

Well, thank you very
much, Mrs. Porter.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

We made it!

-Didn't know me, huh, Dad?

-Well, she's new in town.

-Oh, the living's room a mess.

We better straighten
it before we go.

-Oh, yeah.

-You know, Mom, I was just
thinking about good old Joey.

I guess he could teach
me a thing or two.

-He certainly could, especially
about picking up toys.

Come on, Dennis.

-I guess you're always
glad to see him come over.

-Joey's always welcome.

He's a nice,
well-behaved little boy,

and you could learn a
great deal from him.

-I'd even bet you'd let him
stay all night sometimes.

-As long as his mother says
it's all right, anytime.

-I sure am glad I have
a friend like Joey.

-Where are you going, young man?

-To see if my bike's all right.

-Don't slam it!

[slams]

[doorbell rings]

-You can't come in,
Dennis, because I

cleaned the house today.

-Oh, I didn't come over
to play, Mrs. McDonald.

My mother wants to know if Joey
can stay all night with me.

-Would you like that, Joey?

Well, I guess it'd
be all right, Dennis.

Hey, you run upstairs
and get your pajamas

and your toothbrush.

Just a minute, Dennis.

-OK, go on up in my room
and don't make any noise.

ALICE (OFFSCREEN):
That you, Dennis?

-Yeah, Mom.

Did I get here
before the sitter?

-Yes.

But I hope she
hurries, or we'll miss

the beginning of the picture.

Now, Dennis, I want you
to be a very good boy.

Don't give the
sitter any trouble.

-I'll be so good, she
won't even think I'm here.

-I hope so.

Then maybe she'll
come back again.

[doorbell rings]

-Uh, I-- I think I'll go
up and brush my teeth.

-Well, you have reformed.
-Isn't that the sitter?

-Well, I hope so we have to run.

-Mrs. Mitchell?

-Yes.

Come in, Mrs. Porter.

And this is Mr. Mitchell.

-How do you, Mrs. Porter?

MRS. PORTER (OFFSCREEN):
How do you do?

-We haven't got time to play
sheriff and outlaw now, Joey.

But right now, you're going
to play a better game.

You're gonna make
believe you're me.

-Good night, Dennis.

Be a good boy and
mind Mrs. Porter.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): I will, Dad!

-Well, good night, Mrs. Porter.

-Have a nice time.

Oh, and are you sure
everything's locked up?

Sometimes I get nervous.

-Tight as a drum, Mrs. Porter.

Good night.

-Good night.

-Oh, and, uh, good luck.

-Dennis, come down and
I'll read you a story.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Right away, Mrs. Porter.

-Oh, my.

What a nice little man.
Come on.

-Two, please.

Thank you.

-Good evening.
Evening.

-Big win.
Gosh.

-Thank you.

-Two adults and a child, please.

-Wanna ride my bike?
-Yeah.

-Good evening.

-Hello.

-Wait a minute.

Why don't you give up?

-Where's my little boy?

What happened to
my-- Oh, Greg, what

are you doing with a bicycle?

We're going to the movies.

Now, come along.

-Look, kid.

Here's a dime.

Go buy your own
popcorn, will you?

And find yourself another seat.

-We thought there was
only one like Dennis.

-Well!

-Want some popcorn?

-I do not.

Pardon me for disturbing you,
but some dreadful little boy

was eating popcorn
right in my ear.

-You don't think?
-No.

No, it couldn't be.

PROJECTIONIST

Uh, this is the projectionist,
ladies and gentlemen.

We've had a slight-- little
boy, little boy, put that down.

I know that was an exciting
part, but we can't run it over.

You're darn right I'm nervous.

I'm sorry, folks.

The picture will
resume in a moment.

-Henry, I know
this sounds crazy,

but I'm going to phone home.

-Go ahead, honey.

It may not be so crazy.

-Mrs. Porter, this
is Mrs. Mitchell.

Is Dennis there?

-Of course.

He's a perfect little lamb.

The best behaved little boy
I've ever been a sitter for.

There hasn't been a peep
out of him all evening.

-Is this the Mrs. Porter
at the Mitchell residence?

MRS. PORTER (ON
PHONE): That's right.

I'm holding your little son
in my arms this very moment.

-Everything's fine.

She says he's been
a perfect lamb.

-Dennis?
You mean our Dennis?

-Oh, he can be sweet.

Maybe we should have
brought him along.

Poor kid.

He wanted so badly
to see this movie.

-Well, we'll bring
him along next time.

This-- this is our
night out on the town.

Now, you just sit back and
relax and enjoy this picture.

Later on, we'll stop
by for a bite to eat.

[shushing noise]

-Operator, give me the police.

-Hi, Joey.

Hope the sitter didn't
give you any trouble.

Boy, was that a movie.

Glenn Ford's the fastest
man with a g*n I ever saw.

It was just like this.

Whoops, lost one of my g*ns.

Well, anyway, it
was just like this.

Kapow!

Kapow!

Kapow!
Kapow!

Kapow!
Kapow!

And by the time he rode off into
the sunset, he was the only one

left, except for
that dumb old girl.

-Oh, good evening, Mrs. Porter.

-How was the picture?

-Very good.

I thoroughly enjoyed it.

-The only fly in
the ointment was

some youngster running around.

-Yes, some parents don't seem
to care what their children do.

How was everything here?

-Oh, everything was smooth
as silk with Dennis.

We did have a little
flurry of excitement

with a prowler in the
neighborhood though.

-A prowler?
-Thank you.

-Oh, is everything all right?

-Oh, yes.

The police got him,
whoever he was.

-Oh, thank heaven for that.

-Here you are, Mrs. Porter.

-Well, thank you.
-Thank you.

-Oh, thank you for taking
such good care of Dennis.

-Oh, it was a real pleasure.

The next time you go out, I
hope you'll call on me again.

-Oh, we certainly
will, Mrs. Porter.

-We certainly will, Mrs. Porter.

-Good night.

-Good night.

-Can you imagine that?

Why, she sounded
like she was talking

about someone else's child.

-Let's go up and tuck him in.

-All right.
-Shh.

-Oh, look at that.

-Quite a guy.

-Our little Dennis.

-He may be a menace sometimes,
but I wouldn't trade him

for any other kid in the world.

-Neither would I.

[phone rings]

-Who in the Sam
Hill can that be?

All right, all right.

Don't get so excited.

-Who is it?

-Mr. Wilson.

Mr. Wilson, I'm leaving
the house right now!

-Well, what's that all about?

Where are you going?

-Mr. Wilson says that he came
over here to get his ladder

and-- but-- but the
sitter said that Dennis

has been absolutely perfect.

And-- and then Mr. Wilson
he found Dennis' cap p*stol

on the lawn, and Dennis
is upstairs asleep.

How can he possibly
blame Dennis?

-Please, slow down.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

-The police are
holding Mr. Wilson

on suspicion of armed robbery.

I've got to go down
and bail him out.

-Come on, Joey.

We better get rested
for tomorrow, Joey.

They're starting to build that
new house down the street,

and we've gotta help them.