01x04 - Grandpa and Miss Cathcart

[bunniefuu]

-Hey, Mom, you got
the sprinklers on,

can I run through 'em?

-All right, dear.

Not with your clothes on.

-OK.

-Dennis!

[theme music]

-Dennis?

Dennis?

-Hello, Margret?

-Hello, Mrs. Mitchell.

Is Dennis home?

-Well, he must be
over at Tommy's, they

were out here
playing a minute ago.

-We were playing house
a little while ago.

But Dennis deserted
me and all the babies.

-All those mouths to feed.

How are they?

-They're all teething.

Well, bye, Mrs. Mitchell.

-Good bye, Margaret.

-There she goes, Tommy.

-Yeah.

Dumb old Margaret.

-Oh, she's OK.

She can't help if she's a girl.

-Can I use your bathroom?

-Sure, come on.

Hey Mom, I'm home!

-So I hear.

-He's polite, Mom.

He's just in a hurry.

[door closes]

-OK.

Do you know who was just here?

-Sure, it was Margaret.

I was hiding in the bushes.

-ALICE (OFFSCREEN): Why
were you doing that?

-'Cause girls are no fun.

They can't play catch,
'cause they can't throw.

You can't hit them
because they're a girl.

The first thing you know,
you end up playing house.

-True, true.

-No TV for you
tonight. [phone rings]

-I'll get it.

-I'm not complaining.

I became interested
in playing house

when you stopped
making mud pies,

and began making apple pies.

-Guess what we got out
there on the phone?

A long distance call for you.

-Long distance?

Hello?
Daddy?

-Grandpa?

-How are you?

Where are you calling from?

-I'm at home.

But if you can put
me up for a few days,

I'll come for a visit.

-Of course we can put you up.

Grandpa's coming to see us.

-He is?

-Great, when?

-When are you coming, Daddy?

-I thought I could start
early tomorrow morning,

should be there by noon.

I can hardly wait to see Dennis.

-Oh, he's anxious
to see you, too.

-Hurry honey, it's
long distance.

-Oh, Daddy?

This is long distance,
and you don't

want to run a big bill, so.

Hmm?
Oh, all right.

He wants to talk to you.

-Oh.

Hello, Dad, how are you?

Good.

Been working on
any new inventions?

Not fooling?

He's invented a new carburetor.

-Really?

What's a carburetor?
-Dear?

It's long distance.

-Oh.

Well, it's good
talking to you, Dad.

We'll see you tomorrow.

Yeah.

Oh, sure.

Just a second.

He wants to say hello to Dennis.

-Hi, Grandpa.

What's a carburetor?

Oh.

What's combustion mean?

Oh, sure I know
what burning means.

That's what Mom did
to Dad's new shirt

yesterday when she was ironing.

-Alice?
-I'm sorry.

It happened when I
was trying to get

Dennis' foot out
of your ukulele.

-What's his foot doing
in my-- never mind,

I don't want to know.
-Hey, Grandpa?

Do you still have all
that hair in your ears?

-Dennis!

When you get down
here, can we show Joey?

I told him about it, but
he wouldn't believe me.

-Dennis, this is long distance.
-Should I talk louder?

-No, shorter.

-You still snore?
-Dennis!

-What's your favorite TV show?

Mine, too.

It was swell last night.

All about that
mysterious stranger.

-Dennis, hurry up.

-Hey, Grandpa?

Want to hurry up and
say hello to Tommy?

-Please.

Well, Dad, if we
don't stop talking,

you won't be able to
afford the trip, so.

-Wait a minute.

I want to make one more point.

This trip I don't want you to
do any of your matchmaking.

Oh, no?

Well how about that
woody you brought around?

What was her name?

Miss Elkins.

She about drove me crazy.

-Well, I'll admit she was
an unfortunate choice.

All right, Daddy.

I promise, no more matchmaking.

Good bye.

See you tomorrow.

Well, I've got just
about a million things

to do to get ready.

-What can I do?

-Let's see.

You'd be a big help if
you'd clean the front walk.

-OK.

Why don't I vacuum it?

-Oh, no.

Use the broom.

-OK.

Come on, Tommy.

We want this walk to be real
clean for good ole Grandpa,

Tommy.
What shall I do with it?

Watch me now, I'm
sweeping grass.

Now I'm sweeping leaves.

You know what my Grandpa
can do with his nose?

He can balance a broom on it.

Hey, look Tommy.

Here comes a
mysterious stranger.

-That's just Mr.
Dorfman, the mailman.

-Can't you pretend?

-Sure I can pretend.

-OK, who's coming?

-A mysterious stranger.

-That's right.

And he's wearing a Mr.
Dorfman's disguise.

-Morning, boys.

-Morning.

-Morning mysterious stranger.

-Oh, I'm mysterious, all right.

-Good ole Mr. Dorfman wants
to play the game with us.

-What do we do now?

-Don't you watch TV?

When a mysterious stranger
comes along, you follow him.

-You boys trying to play
some kind of trick on me?

-Heck no.

We're just-- Are
you OK, Mr. Dorfman?

Do you know what happened?

You tripped over my wagon.

-I know I tripped
over your wagon.

-It's because you
were walking backwards

and couldn't see
where you were going.

-I know that.

-Come on, Tommy.

-Let's help good
ole Mr. Dorfman up.

Did you decide not to get up?

-I can't get up, you're
standing in my mail sack.

-Excuse me, Mr. Dorfman.

-Look, fellows.

Boys, I'm not a
mysterious stranger.

Do you understand?

-Sure, Mr. Dorfman.

-Guess he doesn't want to play
our mysterious stranger game.

-Sure he does.

He just gets nervous when
people stand in his mail pouch.

-Hey, look at Mr. Dorfman.

-You see?

Good ole Mr. Dorfman
wants to play some more.

See how mysterious he's acting?

Come on.

What can we play now,
Mr. Dorfman, huh? -Shh!

I'm hiding from Miss Cathcart.

-Why are you hiding
from Miss Cathcart?

-Well if you were a bachelor
my age, you'd understand.

-I'm a bachelor.
-Yeah.

But you're not my age.

-I see you, Mr. Dorfman.

-Did Miss Cathcart win
again, Mr. Dorfman?

-Not yet, not yet.

-Why, Mr. Dorfman.

Anybody would think
you were hiding.

-I wasn't really, Miss Cathcart.

-Then why did you tell
us that you were--

-Now you come
right in the house.

I have a cup of tea waiting.

-Yeah, but Miss Cathcart,
I have to deliver the mail.

-Oh, a cup of tea will
only take a minute.

I'll sing a nice, rousing
song to speed you on your way.

-She has a swell
voice, Mr. Dorfman.

This morning when she
sang for the milkman,

he speeded up so much
that he was practically

running when he left her place.

-Oh.

Oh Dad, it's so good
to see you again.

-I'll say.

I've been up waiting
since pretty early.

-Since : this
morning, to be exact.

-You know why I was up so early?

-Why?

-Because I was worrying about
a question I want to ask you.

Can I ask it?

-sh**t.

-Did you bring me anything?

-Dennis!

-What's the matter?

-Young man, you're
talking out of turn.

-Who's turn is it?

-Dennis, if Grandpa's
brought you anything,

he'll tell you about it.

-Well, I guess it's your turn.

-You bet it is, and I
did bring you something.

And it's in my suitcase.
-Swell.

Why don't me and you
go up and unpack?

-Good idea.

-I'll carry it up for ya.

-Thank you very much.

-You know what I
learned to do last week?

-What?

-When I'm pouring milk in my
glass, I learned when to stop.

-Haha.

-You know, Henry, Father
is so young and vital.

Don't you think
he should remarry?

-Oh, leave him alone, honey.

-Well I could Introduce
him to someone nice.

-Like Miss Elkins?

She made his last
visit miserable.

-You hear it?

-Boy, that's the sea all right.

I think there's a storm.

-Let me listen.

It sounds like a hurricane.

Oh, horse rats.

-What's the matter?

-A wave splashed in my ear.

-Let me listen.

I hear pirates singing.

-Oh, probably to
keep their spirits up

during the hurricane.

-Yeah, I can hear 'em too.

men on a dead man's chest.

-Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum.

-Hello in there?

-Yeah, they heard you.

One of them said, "Shiver
my timbers, there's Dennis."

-I guess this is just about the
swellest present anybody ever

gave me.

Say, why don't me and
you walk around the block

and show it to everybody?

-I'm a bit tired after my trip,
I'd like to take a nap first.

You know, Dennis, you slow down
a little when you reach my age.

-Would you like
to be speeded up?

-I sure would.

-I know somebody that can do it.

She sings to people.

-Well Dennis, if it's a friend
of yours, I'd like to meet her.

-I'll bet she'd like
to meet you too.

MISS CATHCART
(OFFSCREEN): [singing]

MISS CATHCART (OFFSCREEN):
Oh. [clears throat]

-Ah, I was expecting
the laundry man.

So, Dennis, how are you today?

-Fine.

I've brought you my
shell to listen to.

-I'll listen to it
for just a minute.

Pretty busy vocalizing.

Oh, that's the sea, isn't it?

Oh, that's nice.

-My Grandpa brought it to me.

-Oh.

Is he visiting you?

-He sure is.

-Well, eh hem.

Is your Grandmother with him?

-He doesn't have one.

-Why don't you come
in and have a cookie

while we have a little chat.

-OK.

Will you let me see you spin?

-Spin?
-Sure.

I heard my Dad say
you're a spinster.

Thank you.

-Hello, Margaret.

-Hello Mrs. Mitchell,
is Dennis home?

-No, I'm sorry, he isn't.

-The trouble with
playing house alone,

is that there's no husband.

-I know.

-The only time Dennis
will play house

with me is if he gets to be a
cowboy that never comes home.

Is his grandfather here yet?

-Yes he is.

He just came down from his nap.

-Gee, has Dennis been telling
me some stories about him.

Can I meet him?

-Of course you can.

Come in.

-Wait'll I get my dolls.

-Daddy, I'd like you to
meet a very nice young lady.

-Oh, Alice.

You promised, no matchmaking.

-Oh-- Daddy, this is Margaret
Wade, a friend of Dennis'.

-Oh, how do you do, Margaret.

I'm always glad to meet
any friend of Dennis'.

-So are we friends?

-Sure we are Miss Cathcart.

-And are you going to
introduce your friend

to your grandfather?

-Sure.

Are you going to sing for him?

-Well of course I am.

Now, why don't you go over
and get him right away, eh?

-I'll just take
a cookie with me,

in case I meet some
poor kid that's hungry.

OK, Miss Cathcart?

-I enjoyed meeting you
and your babies, Margaret.

Will you come back
to see me sometime?

-I will if my babies are well.

-Ah, have they been sick?

-It's been just awful.

Yesterday they
were all teething.

And today they've
all got the cooh.

-Oh.

What are you doing for them?

-I've rubbed their
chest with Liniment.

Smell.
[sniffs] [coughs]

-You sure did.

-Well bye.
-Bye.

-Hi Grandpa.

You up from your nap?

-I sure am.

I've been waiting for ya.

Say, you missed a friend
of yours, little Margaret.

-I know it.

I saw her bug you out in front.

That's why I came
in the back way.

Hey, Grandpa?

You wanna meet another friend
of mine, the one that sings?

-I sure do.

Wait till I get my jacket.

I'm looking forward to it.

-So is she, boy.

She's even going to
change her dress.

-Aren't you afraid
your friend will

want to play house with you?

-Heck no.

Not this one.

She just sings and
gives me cookies.

-What a surprise.

-This is my Grandpa.

-How do you do?

I'm Charlie Perkins.

-I'm so glad to meet you.

I'm Esther Cathcart,
won't you come in?

-Thanks.

-Boy.

You put on some
perfume, didn't ya?

-Just a touch.

I think a woman
has an obligation

to do the little things
that enhance her femininity.

-Did you spill any?

It's awful strong.

-Dennis, shh.

-Oh, that's all right.

Now why don't you
sit down over here?

-Thank you.
-There.

-You have a very
nice place here.

-Well it's my little nest,
and I try to make it cosy.

-Any special place
you want me to sit?

-Oh, oh Dennis.

Well perhaps you'd like
to go out and play?

-No, I think I'd rather
stay with my Grandpa.

-Well, wouldn't you
like to sit over there?

-No, I think I'd rather
sit on my Grandpa.

-Why don't we have some
refreshment while we chat.

-Swell!

-For you I have
a piece of candy.

-I thought your
friend lived here.

-She does.

-Good boy, good boy.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

It's Elderberry wine.

-Thank you.

-I made it myself.
-It's delicious.

-Oh, I'm so glad you like it.

Course I suppose I really
should give credit to my mother.

You know, she believed that a
girl's place was in the home,

making her husband happy.

She prepared me very
carefully for marriage.

-That's nice.

Oh, I'm looking forward to
meeting Dennis' little friend.

-What little friend?

-The little girl, your daughter.

-Well, I have no daughter.

And I'm not married.

-But who sings?

-She does.

And she's gonna do it for you.

-That is, if you'd
like to hear me.

-Oh, yes.
Of course.

-My first selection will
be, "Love's Old Sweet Song."

Just a song at twilight,
When the lights are low.

-Isn't she swell?

-Softly come and go.

Though the heart be weary,
sad the day and long.

Still to us at twilight
comes Love's old song.

Comes Love's old sweet song.

-Hours of it, Henry.

Two whole hours.

She's not a singer,
she's an air raid siren.

It must have been m*rder.

-Well, Dennis was at
least an accomplice.

Boy, what he got me into.

-Such good intentions, I
don't know how he always

manages to get such bad results.

-Well, I didn't want to
hurt his feelings about,

"good ole Miss Cathcart."

So as far as he knows
I enjoyed myself.

-Well it's over
now, and Alice isn't

going to do any
matchmaking, so you

can just relax and
enjoy yourself.

-Hey, Mrs. Elkins wait a minute.

I want to show you something.

-Hello, Dennis.

How are ya?

-Swell.

I've been riding
around the neighborhood

letting people
listen to my shell.

-Well that was very nice of you.

-I know it.

I even let a dog that was a
total stranger listen to it.

-Good.

-You wanna listen?

-Well, of course I do.

Oh, it's the ocean, isn't it?

Did you get any in your ear?

-Of course not.

Where did you get the shell?

-From my Grandpa.

-Ah.

He sent it to you?

-No, he brought it to me.

-He's here?

-Sure, I got him
right in my house.

-I wish I had him in mine.

-But Daddy, just because Dennis
saw Mrs. Elkins out front

doesn't mean she's
going to bother you.

-I hope not.

-She's an intelligent
woman, Dad.

She knows if you were interested
you'd be in touch with her.

-[phone rings]

-I'll get it.

Hello?

Sure, just a minute.

Hey, Grandpa, guess what we've
got out there on the phone?

Good ole Mrs. Elkins for you.

-Too intelligent, huh?

-Don't blame me if you have
an irresistible personality.

-Very funny.

-Daddy, maybe she just
wants to say hello.

-If that's all she wants to
say, she's a changed woman.

Hello, Mrs. Elkins.

Oh, I expect I'm just not
much of a letter writer.

-You write swell letters to us.

-What's that?

No I am afraid I can't make
it tonight, Mrs. Elkins.

Oh no, it's not that.

You're a fine cook.
DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): I'll say.

-She's on the prowl again.

-No, she is not.

-But she asked him for dinner.

-Well if she does, it's probably
just because she's very polite,

and wants to be nice to
somebody from out of town.

-I'm afraid I'm going to be busy
for dinner tomorrow night, too,

Mrs. Elkins.
-Polite, huh?

CHARLIE (OFFSCREEN):
Oh, it's not that.

-Polite like a bulldozer.

-I expect I'll be
pretty well tied up

for the rest of my visit.

-If she's making
cookies I could come.

-Shh.

Pardon me?

Well, as a matter of fact,
there is someone else.

I spent most of the
afternoon at her house.

She's a singer.

Dennis introduced me, and she
made an immediate impression.

I never met anyone
quite like her.

Thank you very
much, Mrs. Elkins.

I wish only the
best for you, too.

Good bye, Mrs. Elkins.

-Oh.

-Hey, Mrs. Cathcart, guess
what Grandpa said about you.

-He never met anybody
quite like me, you say?

-That's what he said.

-And everybody said
I was wasting my time

taking those singing lessons.

-I'm home.

And look who I've got with me.

Good ole Mrs. Cathcart.

Grandpa?

Where are you?

-Dennis, don't shout.

Hello, Mrs. Cathcart.

-Hello, Mrs. Mitchell.

-Where's Grandpa?

I thought he was in here.

Henry, is Daddy upstairs?

-I haven't seen him.
Hello, Mrs. Cathcart.

-Hello, Mr. Mitchell.

Well if you don't mind,
I'll just sit and wait.

MARGARET (OFF SCREEN):
Dennis Oh Dennis.

-Oh, no.

MARGARET (OFF

-Whoa.

What are you doing in here?

-Shh.