01x21 - Mr. Wilson's Sister

[bunniefuu]

-Dennis, come take your bath.

The water's ready.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): OK, Mom.

In a minute.

-Not in a minute.

Right now.
DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): OK, Mom.

I'm coming.

As long as me and all
the kids are here,

we're all gonna take one
together and get it over with.

-Oh, no you're not!

[theme music]

-You see anything?

-Just leaves.

-I saw a cigarette package.

-People just don't
lose money anymore.

-Know what I'd do
if I had some money?

I'd buy one of those
little airplanes

that you wind up
with a rubber band.

-Me, too.

-I've wanted one
for a long time.

-I've wanted one all my life.

-I wish we could find
a hundred dollars.

-I wish we could find
a million dollars.

-I wish we could find
a jillion dollars.

-I wish we could
find-- say, how much do

those little airplanes cost?

-Mm, about $ .

-I wish we could each find $ .
MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN): Martha!

We're home!

-Hey, Mr. Wilson just took
a lady into his house.

-He did?

Why, he didn't even tell me
he was expecting someone.

Come on, let's go see who it is.

-Martha!

Helen's here.

-Helen!

Oh, it's been so long.

-My, it's good to see
you again, Martha.

-Well, come on in
the living room.

-I'll take your bags
on upstairs, Sis.

[doorbell ringing]

-Hi, Mr. Wilson!

-Oh, what you want, Dennis?

-I wanna know who that lady is
who just came into your house.

-That doesn't concern you.

-Are those her suitcases?

-Never mind, Tommy.
-Hi!

-Oh, for Pete's sake.

-Hello.

-Hello, Dennis, Tommy.

Come on in, boys.

-Oh, Martha.

Let's not spoil everything.

-Don't be silly, George.

Boys, I'd like to have you
meet Mr. Wilson's sister, Mrs.

Forbes.

-Hi, Mrs. Forbes.

I'm Dennis Mitchell, Mr.
Wilson's best friend.

-You are not.

-I'm Tommy Anderson.

-Well, it's nice
meeting you both.

-Well, all right, boys.

Now come on, let's run along.

-Say, do you have any children?

-Well, in a way, I used
to have of them.

- ?

-Boy, I sure do wish I could
live in your neighborhood.

-What I really meant was
I was a schoolteacher.

I taught history.

-All right, boys.

Now, my sister's come a
long way to see me, and--

-Did you bring him anything?

-As a matter of fact, I did.

-Oh, Sis.

You shouldn't have.

-Sure, she should.

What did you bring him?

-Well, if you'll get me my
little suitcase, I'll show you.

-Me and Tommy will get
it for you, Mrs. Forbes.

-Sis, try not to get
involved with that Dennis.

He could spoil
your entire visit.

-Oh, George, he could not.

Dennis is a sweet little boy.

-In a way, he
reminds me of George

when George was that age.

-I deny that.

That kid drives me crazy.

-Here it is, Mrs. Forbes.

-Thank you, boys.

Oh, this is going to be a
big surprise for you, George.

-Oh, my own copy
of Treasure Island.

-He won it in an
elocution contest

when he was a little boy.

-You know, I thought this
had been lost long ago.

-I found it in our attic.

-Treasure Island.

-What's Treasure Island?

-What's Treasure Island?

Why, it's one of the great
classics of English literature.

What kind of books
do you have, anyway?

-My dad's reading me one called
Spotty, the Shetland Pony.

-Oh, Great Scott.

-My dad's reading me one
called Day on the Farm

with Betty and Bob.

-How can they read such
things to children?

-Why, George.

They're children's books.
-Well, I know.

But children should be
brought up on the classics.

How can they learn anything
from stories about a pony

or a day on the farm?

-I learned where
milk comes from.

-Tell him where.

-Boy, would you be surprised.

-Oh, Great Scott.
-It comes from--

-I know where it comes from.

-Not bottles.

-I know it.

Oh, he drives me out of my mind.

Now, you listen to this.

And I'll show you what
great literature really is.

Now, this is a story all about
pirates and buried treasure.

-Buried treasure?

-That's right.

Now.

-Boy, now we need some of that.

-We'll just listen to the
story and then go dig it up.

-The treasure isn't
around here, boys.

It's on an island.

-OK.

Then we'll listen to how you
find one and then go dig it up.

-See what I mean?

You won't find any
treasure around here

because there were never
any pirates around here.

-Actually, George, there were.

Spanish pirates.

-I never heard that.

-Neither have I.

-Oh, in the s.

There are all sorts of
old stories about millions

of dollars in Spanish
gold pieces still buried

in this area.

-See, Mr. Wilson?

-Ah, yes.

I see.

-So can we borrow your shovel?

-No, you can't.

Now do you want to
hear the story or not?

-Sure we do.

-All right.

Then listen.

-Come on, dear.

I'll help you unpack.

-I take up my pen in
the year of grace ,

and go back to the time when my
father kept the Admiral Benbow

Inn, and the brown old
seaman with the sabre-cut

first took up his
lodging under our roof.

The old fellow's fury was awful.

He sprang to his feet, drew and
opened a sailor's clasp knife,

and balancing it open
on the palm of his hand,

threatened to pin the
doctor to the wall.

-Hey, Mr. Wilson,
you closed the book.

-I know it.

I told you I would if
you climbed on me again.

-Now I'm off.

-Too late.

-But we're not through.

-Oh yes, you are.

Besides, my eyes are tired.

-But we don't know
if the captain

pinned the doctor to the wall.

-I told you, Dennis.

My eyes are tired.

-You want me to clean
your glasses out for you?

-No, I don't.

-Try pinching your nose.

That's what my dad does
when his eyes get tired.

-I am not going to read anymore.

-Why don't you go up and take
a nap and we'll wait for you.

-No.

-You want us to come back later?

-Oh, Great Scott.

I'm going out to get
a drink of water.

-Why don't you try
using some [inaudible]

along your forehead.

That's what my grandpa
does for his eyes.

-My mom uses ice cubes.

-Look, boys.

Will you just please
leave me alone?

-What's the matter, George?

-Huh?

Oh, they're just pestering me.

-He won't finish the story.

-There's this fierce
captain and he's just

about to pin the
doctor to the wall.

And we don't know if he did,
or where the treasure is,

or anything.

-Mm, I see.

Well, I'll tell you what.

If you come back after
lunch, oh, about o'clock,

I'll read some more
of the story to you.

-Gee, that's swell.

-Boy, thanks, Mrs. Forbes.

-Bye, Mrs. Forbes.

-Bye, boys.

-Bye.

-Ah.

You got rid of them at last.

Good.

Let's go in the living room,
Sis, and have a nice talk.

We've got a lot of
catching up to do.

-How have you been, George?

-Oh, just fine.

You know, ever since
I'm retired I've

taken up all sorts of hobbies.

Then of course,
there's my first love.

My garden.

-And it looks just lovely.

-Ah, thank you.

You know, I'm planning on
a new zinnia bed out front.

Only trouble is that ground
out there is as hard as a rock.

One of these days, I'm gonna dig
the whole thing up and replace

it with good loam.

Then you'll see a garden.

-And then the swell doctor
said to the dirty old pirate,

You're a scoundrel.

And you gotta stop
drinking all that rum.

So the pirate got mad
at the swell doctor.

And he took out
his knife and said

he was gonna pin the
doctor to the wall.

That's when Mr. Wilson stopped.

Did you ever hear anything so
exciting in your whole life?

-That's exciting, all right.

-That's a real thriller.

-Sure.

And it made me decide what I'm
going to be when I grow up.

-Good.

I always thought it
would be nice to have

a doctor in the family.

-I'm not gonna be a doctor.

I'm gonna be a dirty old pirate.

-Martha, that was
a wonderful lunch.

And that cake, mm.

-I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

-You sure you don't want
help with the dishes?

-No.

You and George
just sit and relax.

-Well now.

That's the first
time in five years

I've gotten out of
wiping the dishes.

[doorbell rings]

-I'll get it.

-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

It's o'clock.

-We're all ready.

-For what, boys?

-For Mrs. Forbes to read the
rest of Treasure Island to us.

-What's this?

-Oh, George.

We've been talking so
much I forgot to tell you.

I promised to read to the boys.

-Well, I hadn't expected that.

-Do you mind, George?

-Oh, no, no.

That's all right, Sis.

You just go right ahead
and enjoy yourself.

I'll find something else to do.

-I'll tell you what, George.

You can help me with the dishes.

-"They got the money, you say?

Well then, Hawkins, what
in fortune were they after?

More money, I suppose?" "No,
sir, not money, I think,"

replied I.

"Supposing that I
have here in my pocket

some clue to where Flint
buried his treasure.

Will that treasure
amount to much?"

"Amount, Sir," cried the squire.

"It will amount to this.

If you have the
clue you talk about,

I fit out a ship in
Bristol Dock and take you

and Hawkins here along.

And I'll have that treasure
if I search a year.

Now then, if Jim is agreeable,
we'll open the packet."

And he laid it before
him on the table.

The bundle was sewn together.

And the doctor had to get
out his instrument case

and cut the stitches with
his medical scissors.

-Martha, do you
realize our living room

is literally crawling
with a little boys?

-Oh, George.
There are only four of them.

-Well, that's four too many.

All that noise in there.

I can't read or work
on my stamp collection.

Or even watch television.

Martha, what happened
to all the cookies?

-The boys got hungry.

I'll make you some more, dear.

-Well, there was some in here
while I was wiping the dishes.

I know because I saw them.

-It was when you
were taking your nap.

-Nap?

Ha!

Who could sleep with
four little kids

singing, Yo-ho-ho,
wid a bottle o' rum?

-Yo-ho-ho wid a bottle of rum.

-Dennis, come over here.

Let's try it on now
and see if it fits.

-With that eye
patch on, you look

like a regular Captain Kidd.

-I know it.

-There, how's that?

-Swell.

Except that I
can't see anything.

-You're not supposed to do.

-Then how come they wore them?

-Oh, I guess they wore them just
to make them look real fierce.

-Hey, do I look fierce?

-You sure do.

-Can I get a parrot?

-I don't think so, son.

-I hope you boys aren't being
any bother to Mr. Wilson.

-Heck, no.

We just sit there while
Mrs. Forbes reads to us.

I guess Mr. Wilson doesn't
like the story anymore,

cause he spends all his
time in the kitchen.

-Aw, that's too bad.

-You know what Mr. Wilson
does now when he takes a nap?

-What?

-He takes the
cookie jar with him.

Yo-ho-ho, wid a bottle of rum.

-"Captain," he said
at length, with

that same uncomfortable smile.

"Here's my old
shipmate, O'Brien.

Suppose you was to
heave him overboard.

I ain't particular
as a rule and I

don't take no blame
for settling his hash."

-Martha, do you
realize that woman

has been reading to those
children for three days now?

-George, you're
speaking of your sister.

-Yes, I certainly am.

I can't call this
house my own anymore.

She's turned it
into a kindergarten.

-The reading aloud
was your idea.

-Yes, but I knew when to stop.

By golly, I'm going in
there and speak to her.

-Slipped off my
shoes, ran quietly

along the sparred gallery,
mounted the forecastle ladder,

and popped my head out
of the fore companion.

-Helen, may I--

-Sh.

-Did you say something, George?

-Well, I started to, yes.

-Want to come over here and
sit beside me, Mr. Wilson?

-No, I don't.

-I knew he would not
expect to see me there,

yet I took every
precaution possible.

And certainly the worst of my
suspicions proved too true.

-George Wilson,
you're a sly dog.

-What are you muttering about?

-Martha, take a look at this.

-What is it?

-Why, it's a treasure
map of our front yard.

It'll not only get the children
out of our living room,

but it will get my zinnia
bed dug at the same time.

-What are you talking about?

-Well, look.

I've marked an X where
I want my zinnia bed.

Now when Dennis
finds this map, he'll

be out there digging it
for me in two minutes.

-He'll never believe that
this is a real treasure map.

-Oh, of course he will.

You heard what Sis said.

There were pirates in this area.

And there could be buried
treasure in our front yard.

Don't you worry, he'll
believe it, all right.

-But Dad, I just gotta
dig in Mr. Wilson's yard.

That's what the map says.

-Dennis, stop arguing.

I've told you before.

This is not a real treasure map.

-But Dad, I--

-Not another word, Dennis.

You know how important Mr.
Wilson's yard is to him.

And he'll be furious if
you start digging in it.

-I can't understand it, Martha.

He ought to be out there by now.

-I hope he doesn't
find that map.

I don't like tricking him.

-Well, of course he found it.

I saw him pick it
up off his porch.

I'm going over there and
find out what's going on.

-Hi, Mom.

-Hello, dear.

Don't eat anything,
it'll spoil your dinner.

-I didn't come out here to eat.

I came out here to show you
this swell pirate treasure

map I found.

-Oh, doesn't that
sound exciting?

-Sure.

And don't you think I ought
to go dig up the treasure?

-Oh, I don't know.

We might miss you
if you sail away

to some pirate island someplace.

-Oh, the treasure
isn't on an island.

-Where is it?

-Well, it's sorta
right here in town.

So don't you think I
ought to go dig it up?

-Where is it right here in town?

-Well, it's sorta right
here in the neighborhood.

-Let me see that map.

-Jeepers, Mom.

-Why, that's Mr. Wilson's yard.

You know you can't dig
up Mr. Wilson's yard.

I wonder who could've
drawn such a map.

-Some dirty old pirate, I guess.

It slipped out of his pocket
right on our front porch.

-Hello, Alice.

May I come in?

-Oh yes, Mr. Wilson.

Please do.

As a matter of fact,
I'm glad you came.

Look what Dennis found
on our front porch.

-Some pirate dropped it.

-Well, what do you know?

A treasure map of my front yard.

-Actually, I told him
he couldn't dig there.

-Why not?

-Yeah, why not?

-Mr. Wilson, you're always so
particular about your garden.

And you keep it so beautiful.

-I'd be delighted to
have the boys dig there.

-You would?

-Of course.

Just be sure to dig
exactly where the map says.

Ten paces from the big oak tree,
coming toward the center wall.

-Ten paces.

-Ten paces, that's right.

-I'm gonna go get the kids.

Bye.

-Mr. Wilson, that
was very nice of you.

-Oh, Alice, it was
nothing, really.

Actually, I drew
that map myself.

See, I want the
boys to dig where

I'm planning to put
in a new zinnia bed.

-I certainly hope they
dig in the right place.

-Oh, they will.

Don't worry.

You see, when I paced
off the distance,

I took a very short steps,
just as a small boy would.

-There's Mr. Wilson's house.

And that's the oak tree.

Well I'm gonna take paces.

And that dirty old pirate
wasn't any little kid, either.

So I'm gonna take real
big steps so we'll

be digging in the right place.

One, two--

-George, I think it
was wonderful of you

to draw that map for the boys.

-Oh, well, I like to
see children have fun.

-Here!
Hey.

Look what that dirty
old pirate did.

He hid his treasure right
under Mr. Wilson's front walk.

-We can't shovel through this.

-Heck no!

We have to use the pick-ax.

-And I don't see
anything wrong with it.

It gives the boys a
chance to have some fun.

It fills their little
hearts with innocent joy.

Fires their imagination.

Great Scott!

Would you look at those
kids, they're [inaudible].

-This is sure hard.

-Yeah.

You know what I
think we oughta have?

I think we oughta
have a sledgehammer.

-Dennis!

What do you think you're doing?

-Digging up the treasure,
like you said we could.

-Well, you're digging in
the wrong place, certainly.

paces brings you
right beside the walk.

Right here.

Now, you dig right here or
I'll call the whole thing off.

Follow this map.

-I'm home.

Boy, being a pirate is one of
the hardest jobs I ever had.

-Find anything?

-Not yet.

But I'm gonna dig some
more in the morning.

-Well, don't dig
too hard, Dennis.

That map might not
be a real pirate map.

-Oh, it's a real map, all right.

Mr. Wilson said so.

-All right, son.

You better run up and
clean up for dinner.

-Jeepers.
Pirates don't wash their hands.

-Well, they do in
this house, young man.

Now run along.

Henry, I have an idea.

I think it's a shame,
those boys working so hard

and there's nothing there.

-I don't know what
we can do about it.

-Well, I do.

I have an old costume
jewelry bracelet

that has some Spanish
gold pieces on it.

You know, imitation ones.

-I don't remember that.

-Oh, I haven't
worn it for years.

Anyway, we can wait until Dennis
goes to sleep tonight, and take

the coins off, and
bury them in the hole.

-Yeah.

Boy, are you sure these
aren't real, honey?

They fool me.

-No, they're just imitation.

It's amazing what they do with
costume jewelry these days.

-That's quite a treasure.

-Ah, the boys will be thrilled.

-Guess I better call the Wilsons
and tell them what I'm doing.

They'll think I'm a prowler.
-Oh, they're not home.

They took Mr. Wilson's
sister to the movies tonight.

-Oh, OK.
I'll go bury the treasure.

-OK, mateys.

Start diggin'.

But keep it neat for
good ol' Mr. Wilson.

Holy smokes.

-Pirate gold.

-It's pieces of eight.

There's another one.

There's another piece of eight.

-Boy, we're gonna be rich.

-Hm.

That's curious, Martha.

Those boys seem to be
finding something out there.

-Oh, wonderful.
-What is it?

-I don't know, but
I'm going to find out.

Dennis?

What's going on?

-Hey, Mr. Wilson.

We found the pirate treasure.

-It's pieces of eight.

-Well, I don't know
what it is they found.

But I'm going out
to take a look.

-I got three.

-I got five.

-I got two of 'em.

-Huh?

Let me see those coins, boys.

-Here, Mr. Wilson.

Look.

-Great Scott.

They are real
Spanish gold pieces.

-Sure they are, Mr. Wilson.

-Well, I-- Look, boys.

Your good old
friend, Mr. Wilson,

is going to do you
a great big favor.

-Boy, thanks.

What are you gonna do?

-Well, now, uh-- I know you're
tired from all this digging,

so uh-- I'll do it for you.

And, uh-- give you
each $ besides

to buy whatever you want.

Here's one for you, Dennis.

There you are, Tommy.

Here's for you.

You.

-Gee, thanks.

-I'm gonna buy one of

that you wind up
with a rubber band.

-Me, too.
-Oh, fine.

Only, uh--
understand, now, boys.

Any more coins I
find belong to me.

-Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.
I hadn't--

-Or, I, uh-- could take back
the dollars and you can dig.

-Uh-uh, Mr. Wilson.

You go right ahead.

-Yeah, you dig, Mr. Wilson.

-All right.

-Bye.

-Why, Great Scott.

Here are two more of them.

-Good for you, Mr. Wilson.

-Stand back, boys.

I'm going to use the pick-ax.

-Boy, you sure are
strong, Mr. Wilson.

We could hardly lift it.

-You watch this.

Good grief!

-Hey, Mr. Wilson.
[inaudible] oil.

-No, no.
That's water.

I broke a pipe.

But it doesn't matter.

With the treasure, I
can fix a hundred pipes.

-George.

George, what have you done?

-Doesn't matter, Martha.

We're going to be rich!

-Hey, Wilson.

You've broken your water pipe.

-I know, but I'm finding gold.

-George Wilson, are
you out of your mind?

-I'll show you who's
out of whose mind.

You take a look at those.

Real gold.

-Sure it is.

And I got five of them.

-Mr. Wilson, I've
got to talk to you.

But you've gotta come in the
house and sit down while I do.

-And give somebody a chance
to steal my treasure?

Nonsense.

You go ahead and tell me.

-Mr. Wilson, there
is no treasure.

Those coins came
off of a costume

jewelry bracelet of Alice's.

I buried them there
myself last night.

-What?

Great Scott.

I-- Martha, don't
just stand there.

Call the water department!

-What kind of a dirty old
pirate would draw a map

when there's no treasure there?

-Oh, don't bother
me now, Dennis.

I've gotta do something
about that pipe.