01x29 - The Party Line

[bunniefuu]

-Dennis (OFFSCREEN): Hey, Mom!

Mom!

-What is it, Dennis?

-Dennis (OFFSCREEN):
Come here, quick!

I want to show you something.

-I can't, Dennis.

I'm darning socks.

Bring it in here.

-Okay, I'm coming.
Hey, Mom.

Guess what your good old
clothes basket just did?

-What?

-It had kittens!
[gasp]

[theme music]

[voice on phone]

-Party lines.
Yakety yak.

Yakety yakety yak.

-Oh, Honey.

I've just been
talking to Mr. Wilson,

and told me something
very interesting.

The man who's moving into that
empty house down the street

is Ed Driscoll.

-Ed Driscoll?
-Yes.

He's the general manager
for Gallagher Plastics.

-Well good for him.

But how does that concern us?

-Well, it's just
that his firm would

be a good business prospect.

-Oh, you can't have
too many of those.

-As long as he's moving
into the neighborhood,

there's no reason why
I shouldn't meet him.

Who knows?

They may turn out
to be people we'd

enjoy spending an evening with.
- That's right

-Line still busy?

-Yes, I've been trying to call
Gloria and Bill for a bridge

game tonight.

-We never used to
have this problem

with the other people
who were on the line.

-No, and whoever
these people are,

I think they have
a dozen children

who use the phone continuously.
-Let's see what I can do.

This last week been impossible.

Excuse me for interrupting.

Do you realize this
is a party line?

-Somebody's asking if we
know this is a party line.

-Tell them sure we
know it's a party line,

because we're having
a telephone party.

-Sure, we know it.

We're having a telephone party.

They hung up.

-They probably didn't
want to interrupt.

-It's a bunch of
kids, all right.

They say they're having
a telephone party.

-Well, that's the limit.

-It is pretty
irritating, isn't it?

-Hey, Eric.

Why don't you come on over
here to the clubhouse.

We're going to call Joey again.

He's got the chicken pox.

Okay, but hurry up.

-Is he coming?

-Sure.

He wants to talk to
Joey, and then he's

going to call his grandpa.

-I think I'll call
my grandpa, too.

-Okay, but not until
we talk to Joey.

-Boy, I hope nobody ever moves
into this good old empty house.

-Hello?

Mrs. McDonald?

This is Dennis.

Can I speak to
Joey for a minute?

Oh.

What time will he wake up?

Oh.

Heck, no.

Mom doesn't care if
use the phone too much.

She doesn't even know about it.

Okay, I'll call later.
Bye.

-Now I'm going to call
my grandpa in Texas.

-Do you know his number?

-No, but I bet
the operator does.

-Hey, there's a
moving van outside.

-Boy, I hope nobody
is moving in.

-We'll just tell them
they've got the wrong place,

because this is our clubhouse.

-Hey, here they come.

-Hi.

What house are you looking for?

-This one.

What are you kids doing in here?

-Jeepers, when they
left the door unlocked,

somebody had to guard it.

-Well you don't have
to guard it no more.

The Driscolls are moving in.

Out of the way,kids.
Come on.

Out of the way.

-How'd you kids get in here?

-Through the back door.

-We helped the telephone man
put in a phone last week.

-He left in such a hurry,
he forgot to lock it.

-He even forgot his pliers.

He said he was having
an attack of nerves.

-Well we're going to move
some furniture in the house,

so you boys better run along.

-We'll help.

-No, you will not.

-Easy does it, Floyd.

-Hey, son furniture
is very heavy.

I'm afraid you wouldn't
be able to handle it.

-Jeepers, if it's
that heavy, I'd

think you'd need us to help.

-Listen, kid.

When you've got a
build like mine,

you don't need no
help from nobody.

-Floyd here is the
strongest assistant driver

in the company.

-Can I feel your muscle?

-Sure.

-Wow.

That's the hardest
muscle I ever met.

-Really?

-Want to feel mine?

Do the new people have any kids?

-I don't know.

-Didn't you ask them?

-No.

-Well do you think
they have any kids?

-Probably not.

I haven't seen any.
-Then who rides that scooter?

The mother or the father?
-You know who rides it.

They have a kid.
-A boy or a girl?

-I don't know.

I told you I haven't seen any.

-Then how do you
know they got one?

-I should have sat this one out.

-What next, Joe?

-The stove.

-Hey, can I feel your muscle?

-Sure.

-Wow.

Jeepers, it's like
a regular leg.

-Come on, Floyd.
Get a hold of the end of this.

-That's OK, Joe.

I'll handle it myself.

-Floyd, now stop showing
off for the kids.

-All right.
-Is the dolly in position?

I

-Yeah.

-Oh, we better move this
little wagon out of the way,

so they won't trip over it.

-There yet?

-Can't find it.

-What's he doing?

Jeepers, he's so strong,
he can carry a stove

and do a tap dance
at the same time.

-Set it down, Joe.

-Now boys, you mustn't
play with our dolly.

-We don't play with dolls.

-We just moved that little
wagon out of the way

so you wouldn't trip
and skin your knee.

-This little wagon
is known as a dolly.

-Hi, Mr. Driscoll.

-Hi, men.

How's it coming?

-Slow but sure, Mr. Driscoll.

-Hi, Mr. Driscoll.

Are you the new neighbor?

-Oh, yes, I am.

Who are you?

-We're the old neighbors.

I'm Dennis, and this is Tommy.

-Well, very nice meeting you.

-I know it.

And I've got a good
handshake, too.

-Do you have any or girls?

-Yes, I have a boy
just about your age.

His name is Terry.

-Is he a pretty good kid?

-Well, I would say so.

-When are we going to see him?

-I'm going to right in
now and phone his mother,

if the phone is connected.
-It's connected.

-Well, it was very
nice meeting you boys,

and I hope you'll
come over and play

with Terry when he gets here.

-Sure, we will.

Has he got any good toys?

-Well, why don't you
come over and find out.

-Okay.

And he can come over
and try mine after.

-Bye-bye, boys.
-Bye.

-Bye, Mr. Driscoll.

-You want to come over to
my house and get an apple?

-No, I think I'll just stay here
and watch their stuff go in.

-OK, I'll be back.
Good-bye.

-I hope the party's over.

I'm going to try and communicate
with the outside world.

Wish me luck.
-Oh, I do.

Who are you calling?

-The boss.

I thought I'd let him
know that Ed Driscoll was

moving into the neighborhood.

-Yes, dear.

The men are moving
the furniture in now.

Right.

Oh, and tell Terry there's
some nice little boys

in the neighborhood for
him to play- Excuse me,

I'm using this phone.

-You certainly are.

This is a party line, you know.

-Did you hear that, Catherine?

This is the first call
I've made on this phone,

and some boob is complaining

-This time there was
a man on the line.

I reminded them that
this is a party line.

-Yes, I heard you.

Only I wouldn't have been
quite so polite about it.

-You would have given
him both barrels

-I certainly would.

-I was the one who
interrupted his conversation.

-Oh, Henry.

Be reasonable.

-I thought I was.

-Yes, but don't be
that reasonable.

-Hey, the new kid got here.

-Yeah?
You talk to him?

You talk to him?
-Uh-uh.

We just looked at each
other for a while.

Then I threw a rock at the tree.

And then he threw one.

And then he went in the house.

He's a pretty good kid.

-Yeah?

Then why'd he go in the house?

-Because he's got
this swell little car

that you can ride in.

It's the best little car I
ever saw in my whole life.

-Why don't we go in
and help him drive it?

-I tried to, but the moving
man told me to stay outside.

Of course, Mr.
Driscoll did ask us

to come over and
play with Terry.

-He sure did.

-Come on!

I've got a way we can get in.

-That's right, Mr. Hall,
just four houses away.

-Now, Henry, this is important.

I want you to go over and
meet Mr. Driscoll right away.

-While he's in the
process of moving?

-Certainly.

Why not?

-Well it just seemed like
a rather inconvenient time

to bother him.

-Henry, you've got to be
aggressive in business today.

-I agree with you, Mr, Hall.

But, golly, let's let the
poor guy move in first.

- Sometimes I think you're
too much of a gentleman.

-As a gentleman I'll
tell you what I'll do.

I'll go over to Mr.
Driscoll and welcome him

into the neighborhood
and offer him my help.

How's that?
-Good, good.

And things will be
in a turmoil there.

Invite them to dinner.

-Well, that might
be a nice idea.

We have a bridge date,
but we can cancel that.

Excuse me, I'm
talking on the phone.

-Yes, continually.

What do you do?

Sell magazine subscriptions?

-Will you please
get off the line?

-We'll be through
in just a minute.

-You shouldn't let that guy
talk to you like that, Henry.

-Oh, he's probably all right.

We've just gotten off
on the wrong footing.

I thought I'd go to
the phone company

and find out who he was,
and go talk with him,

and straighten out
our differences.

-That's what I mean about
your lack of aggressiveness.

You should have told him off.

Why, the man's an
inconsiderate nincompoop.

-I'll get over to Mr.
Driscoll right away.

-Good.
I understand he's a fine fellow.

-Bye, Mr. Hall.

-I don't care what excuse
the phone company gives,

I want a private line.

-Now, dear, one won't be
available for a few more weeks.

There are so many housing
developments in this area

that some of the oldest
residents have two-party lines.

-Well, I'd like to
meet our party boob.

I'd tell him a thing or two.

-Let's move this sofa down
this way about a foot.

-Yes, ma'am.
-Get off the sofa, Terry.

And get that car out of here.

-Oh, you finally got rid
of those kids, Floyd?

-Yeah, they were
gone when I came out.

Hey, did I handle this
thing alone the first time?

-I think so.
Why?

-Oh, nothing.

Just thinking.

Hey, kid.

Move that thing out
of the way, would you?

-Hi.

-Hey!

-Did those kids
follow me in here?

-Sort of.

-Hello, everybody.

-It seems like you've got
a couple of passengers.

Let the chair down.

-We got a ride.

-Every job's got
something wrong with it.

A flight of stairs
or a kid like Dennis.

-My dear, these are the little
boys I was telling you about.

This is Dennis and Tommy.

-Hello, boys.

-Hi.

-Terry.

And this is our son, Terry.

-We already said hi.

[doorbell rings]

-Who can that be?

-Well, our first visitor.

-Hey, what about me and Tommy?

-Excuse me, Dennis.

Our third visitor.

-Yes?

-Mr. Driscoll, I'm Henry
Mitchell, your neighbor.

-How do you do?

-I just came over to welcome
you into the neighborhood,

and see if there wasn't
something I could do to help.

-Well that's very nice
of you Mr. Mitchell,

but we're doing just fine.

Oh, come in and meet my family.

-Hi, Dad.

You're our third visitor.

-Dennis, Tommy.

What are you two doing
here at the Driscolls?

-We're just looking them over.

-Dennis!

-That's all right.

Mr. Mitchell, I want to
meet my wife, Catherine.

-Hello.
-How do you do?

-And this is our son Terry.

-Hi, Terry.

Dennis, why don't
you run out and play?

You're just in the way in here.

-Okay.

Can Terry come out
and play with us?

-I think that's a good idea.

-I'll show you my
own personal frogs.

-I know how hectic
moving days can be.

Why don't you all
join us for dinner?

-Oh, no.

We don't want to put
you through the trouble.

-We were planning to
eat in a restaurant.

-Oh, it's no trouble at all.

My wife Alice has a
casserole in the oven,

and we'd love to have you.

-Well, thank you.

That would be nice.

-Good.

Make it o'clock.

We're four houses
down on the left.

-Thank you.

-Well, thank you for
coming over Mr. Mitchell.

-Not at all, and
please call me Henry.

-All right, Henry.

Call me Ed.

-Okay, Ed.

-See you at six.

-Now wasn't that nice?

-Yes, very thoughtful.

And did you have
the feeling we've

met him before, Catherine?

-No.

-I did.

There's something about him
that seems very familiar.

-You know, honey,
it's a funny thing.

I have the feeling I've
met him before someplace.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Can't figure out where, but
he certainly seems familiar.

Oh, incidentally, they'll
be here at o'clock.

You better call Phil and Gloria
and cancel that bridge game.

-Oh.

I'll do it right away.
-Hi.

Where are my roller skates?

-Hi.

They're on the back porch.

-Dennis, you know who's
coming for dinner tonight?

Mr. and Mrs. Driscoll and Terry.

-Swell.
Let's have weenies.

-We're having a casserole.

Would you like to ask Tommy to
come have dinner with you, too?

-Oh, Tommy can't come.

His dad's taking him to
a prize fight tonight.

-Oh.

-You know what Tommy said, Dad?

He said his dad could lick you.

-What did you say to Tommy?

-Jeepers, what could I say?

I knew you'd just laugh.

You'd never fight anybody.

-Well that does it, Alice.

From now on you're going to
see a more aggressive Henry

Mitchell.

-Oh, Henry.

-I mean it.

I'm not going to have
my son growing up

thinking his father
wouldn't put up a fight.

From now on you're going
to see a changed man.

-Now, Henry.

-I don't want to
talk about it, honey.

Make your phone call if you can
get through on the party line.

-Well, I'm in luck.

Hello, Gloria?

Alice.

I wonder if we could postpone
our bridge game tonight.

Well, something
unexpected came up.

Oh, thank you.

Why don't we set it
for next Friday night?

Fine.
Come over about o'clock.

Excuse me, I'm using the phone.

I'll be off in a second.

-Hello?

Listen, Buster.

We've been patient long enough.

When we're on the
phone, you stay off,

you and your family
of phone hogs.

-Thank you, tiger.

As you can see, Gloria, we're
having party line trouble.

Well, fine.

We'll see you then
next Friday night.

All right.
Bye.

-Who are you calling?

-I'm calling the phone company
and register a complaint

against that
inconsiderate nincompoop.

-Excuse me.

I'll just take look
at the casserole.

-Of course.
Can I do anything?

-Oh, no thank you.

Sit still.

-What business
are you in, Henry?

-I'm an engineer with
Hall Engineering.

-Really?

Well that's a coincidence.

I've been meaning to talk to you
people about a construction job

we have coming up.

-Any time you say, Ed.

-Well it won't be tonight.

I'm so mad.

Just before we came over
here, we had a call--

-Now, Ed, let's not bother
them with our problems.

-I guess you're right.

-Have you got some kind
of a secret going on?

-Well, it's no secret.

It's just that we
are having trouble

with the people
on our party line.

-Oh?

-What kind of trouble?

-Well, they're very rude.

They break in our conversations.

-Gee, that's funny,
isn't it, Dad?

Isn't it funny that they
have the same kind of trouble

that we have--
-Dennis.

You did just move into
today, didn't you?

-That's right.

-And there's been no one in
your house during the past week?

-No, nobody.

-I just wanted to tell--

-Dennis, you're interrupting.

As a matter of fact,
we've been having

quite a party line
problem ourselves.

-Oh, it's annoying isn't it?

-You wouldn't believe the
fathead I've had to deal with.

-Oh, I'd believe it.

I've got one of my own.

If I ever meet him
face to face, I

swear I'll punch him
right in the nose.

-Do you know that's
exactly how I

feel about the
nincompoop on my line?

-Well, you might as well
tell Henry what our man did.

-Dinner will be
ready very shortly.

-Fine.

-Wonderful.

I was just telling
Henry about the nitwit

we have our party line.

-Oh, there's a lot
of that going around.

-So I hear.

Well just before
we came over here,

I had a call from
the phone company.

Apparently this knothead
put in a complaint.

-Isn't that funny, Dad?

You put in a complaint.

-Dennis, never mind.

-But don't you remember, Mom?

He told the phone
company that we

had an inconsiderate nincompoop.

-Does that mean you, Dad?

Are you going to
punch him in the nose?

-Henry, please.

-Ed, control yourself.

-I'm sure this is just one
of those crazy coincidences.

-Why, of course.

We just moved in today.

-And we've had the
problem for a week.

-But, Mom--

-Dennis, not now.

I apologize, Ed.

It just shows you
how upset you can

get when you've got a
nincompoop on your line.

-Well, it's just as much
my fault as it is yours.

After all, I've got my nitwit.

-I'm sure glad
they're gonna fight.

-Yeah, me, too.

So they never will.

I'm going to tell them
what really happened.

You want me to straighten
this thing out for you, Dad?

-Straighten what out, son?

-About Mr. Driscoll's phone.

It was put in last week,
and me and all the kids

have been using it.

The phone man left
your back door open.

So it was really
Mr. Driscoll you

were talking to when you
called him a nincompoop.

Isn't that funny?

-And that means you called
him a nitwit, huh, Dad.

[phone ringing]

-I'll get it.

-Well I don't think
it's very funny.

-Well I can't say
that I particularly

enjoy being called a nitwit.

-I was just being polite.

What do you mean
calling me a nincompoop?

-Hello?

He's here, Mr. Hall,
but I don't think

he can talk to you right now.

He's about to punch Mr.
Driscoll in the nose.

-And at that point,
the Driscolls left.

-But you-- you didn't hit him.

-Of course not.

-Well, I'm surprised.

Surprised and
disappointed that you'd

let such a situation develop.

It just isn't like you, Henry.

-You're right, Mr.
Hall, it isn't.

If I had handled this my way,
this never would have happened.

My mistake was in
taking your advice.

-Oh?

Now here's what
I want you to do.

Go over to the
Driscolls and apologize.

-I think Mr. Driscoll
should apologize to me.

Before it was all over,
he got pretty insulting.

-Now that's an order.

I want to go over
there and apologize.

-In that case, Mr. Hall, I quit.

-Well, now wait, Henry.

There's no need for
you to be so-- so--

-So aggressive, Mr. Hall?

-Well, yes.

And let's not hear any
more of this nonsense

about you quitting.

-Dad, I just got through talking
to Tommy on the telephone.

We've got it all planned
for o'clock Saturday

morning in the vacant lot.

-What have you got planned?

-For you and Tommy's
to have your fight.

-Terry, if you're sneaking out
to play with Dennis Mitchell,

forget it.

-Dad, how come Terry's dad
won't let him play with me?

-Well, that's pretty
hard to explain, son.

But as long as things
are the way they are,

let's just accept it, huh?

-But jeepers, it's
been four whole days.

-Why don't you go out
and play with Tommy?

-Me and him aren't
talking anymore.

-Why not?

He's your best friend.

-Not anymore.

-What happened?

-We were playing a game, and
I started calling him names.

And he started calling me names.

And pretty soon we were
both so mad, we went home.

And I haven't seen him since.

-That's pretty childish.

What kind of a game was it?

-Well, I was
pretending I was you,

and Tommy was playing
he was Mr. Driscoll.

Boy, I sure do wish I
could play with Terry.

-What's the matter, dear?

-Honey, how about taking
a little walk over

to the Driscolls?

-Well, fine, but why?

What made you change your mind?

-Well, I've just been
having a little talk

with Dennis about his
argument with Tommy.

It seemed so silly.

Suddenly it was like seeing
myself in the mirror.

Come on.
Let's go.

Dennis.

-Dad?

-Yes?

-How come we're going
over to Terry's house

just to look at his lawn?

-Your father will explain
it to you someday,

dear, when you're about .

-OK.

I don't think anybody's
home at Terry's house.

-Why?

-On account of here they come.

-Hi, Dennis.

-Hi, Terry.
-Hi, Terry.

You and your folks
out for a little walk?

-Uh-huh.

They're coming over to
see how your new grass is

getting along.

-Hey, you want to
come over to my house?

-Sure, what do we do?

-Well, you know those
little airplanes

you wind up with a rubber band?

-Sure.

-Well, I found a
swell wooden box

big enough for me to get in.

And I'm going to put a
propeller and wings on it

and wind it up with
a whole inner tube.

And if it works as good
as I think it will,

I'm going to start
my own Air Force.