02x05 - The Stock Certificate

[bunniefuu]

-Hey, Mom!

The cleaner's down the street

in front of Mr. Wilson's house.

And I was talking--

-A cleaner?

Oh, that's good.

I was just going to call him.

Here, run give him

your dad's suit.

Quick!

-But, Mom--

-Hurry, dear,

before he gets away!

-Well, OK.

But this is a blue suit.

Maybe he won't even take it.

He just wears white suits

when he's cleaning our street.

-Street?

The street cleaner, oh!

Dennis!

Dennis!

[theme music]

-$ a share?

Well, just think of it, Martha.

It's like finding $.

-It certainly is.

Oh, it's wonderful news, dear.

How long have you had this,

uh, what's the name of it?

-Oh, the Buzzard

Mountain Mining Company.

-[chuckles]

-I bought this darn stock back

in the 's-- I guess, it was.

It's been worthless ever since.

I have nearly thrown

it away a dozen times.

-And now, it's worth $.

-Ha-ha!

That's what the man said.

Clark, down at the bank,

is buying it all up

for some Eastern syndicate.

He says I can bring it

to him any time today.

-I hope you're not

going to wait long.

-Oh, ho-ho!

No longer than it takes me to

get cleaned up and dressed.

[chuckles]

Oh, oh, you sit right down here.

You will have to sign this, too.

It's in both our names.

Eh, eh, now, see, I've

already signed it.

Dear, where is my fountain pen?

I know I put it in my pock--

-Here it is, dear.

You just thought you

put it in your pocket.

-Well, anyhow, you

sign right there.

That's the ticket.

-Incidentally, dear, what did

the cleaner say about my dress?

-The dress?

-Yes.

You did drop it off there

this morning, didn't you?

-Great Scott, Martha.

I drove right by the cleaners

and forgot all about it.

I'm sorry, dear.

It's still out in the car.

-Well, I'll drive over with it.

Really, George!

Your memory is getting

to be terrible lately.

-Oh, everybody forgets

once in a while, my dear.

Don't you worry, I won't forget

to take this stock down and get

our $.

You can bet on that.

-I'll be back by the

time you're ready to go.

[doorbell rings]

-I'll get it.

-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

Is Mr. Wilson home?

MARTHA (OFFSCREEN): Well,

uh, yes, he's here, Dennis.

But, uh, I don't think it's

a good time for you, boys,

to come in right now.

-Oh, send them in, Martha.

The way I feel today, I'm

even glad to see Dennis.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson!

-Hello, Dennis, Tommy.

Nice to see you, boys.

Although I am pretty

busy this morning, and--

-Oh, we're busy, too.

But, boy, have we got

a surprise for you.

-What did you break?

-We didn't break anything.

-Oh, no.

This surprise is different.

-Oh?

-You see, there's this

brand new club just started.

-Oh?

-The Tree House Club.

And we had a meeting

of the whole club.

And you, Mr. Wilson, have

just been elected president!

-Oh, my goodness,

Martha! [chuckles]

-Congratulations, Mr. President.

-Congratulations.

You won.

-Well, this is a surprise.

My goodness!

President, eh? [chuckles]

Uh, how about that, Martha?

-I always said you'd be

president someday, dear.

-Well-- [chuckles]

Oh, how many members

are in the club?

-Well, counting me and

Tommy, you make three!

-The dues are a dollar.

-A dollar for due.

I see.

-We needed to buy a gavel

so the president can

bang on the table with it.

-Oh, that's a good

idea, all right, Dennis.

But my goodness, a dollar.

That's a pretty expensive club.

Don't you think so, Martha?

-Well, it's not as expensive

as the country club, dear.

-Right.

And he's not even

the president there.

-By golly, Dennis, it's a deal.

[laughs]

Eh, oh, I don't have any

change on me right now.

But I have to go down to the

bank anyway on some business.

And the minute I get back, I'll

pay you my dollar and join.

How's that?

-Boy, that's swell!

-[chuckles]

-I'm going now, dear.

I'll be back shortly.

-Oh, all right, Martha.

Well, boys, I will

see you later.

[laughs]

Now, I'm going upstairs

and take a bath.

And I don't want anyone

ringing my doorbell

or bothering me while I'm

in the tub, you understand?

-Oh, we won't bother

you, Mr. Wilson,

because the quicker

you go to the bank,

the quicker you can get

back to join our club.

-And pay your dollar.

-That's right.

-Bye, Mr. President.

-Goodbye, boys.

-Good old Mr.

Wilson, he is going

to make a dandy president.

-I hope he doesn't

change his mind.

-Listen, we're going to

fix up that tree house.

He will just love it, Tommy.

We'll put everything

he likes up there,

so it'll just be

like home for him.

-That's a good idea, Dennis.

Hey, one thing he

likes is flowers.

-Yeah!

We'll put his favorite

flowers up there--

this one and that one.

And here's a flower

magazine he likes to read.

Boy, is he ever going to be

glad he got elected president.

-Hey, Mom!

Guess who's going to join

our club and be president?

-Mr. Wilson!

-Oh, heck, Tommy.

I was going to tell her.

-Well, you can tell her about

him paying the dollar dues.

-Yeah, guess what, Mom?

Mr. Wilson's going to

pay-- aw, Tommy, gee-whiz!

-I'm sorry, Dennis, but I

didn't hear what Tommy said.

Now, who's going

to do what, dear?

-Mr. Wilson!

He's going to be president

of our Tree House Club

and pay us a dollar for dues.

-Well, now, isn't

that wonderful?

-What else have you got that

we could fix it up with, Mom?

-Ooh, let's see.

What else do you want?

-Just think Mr. Wilson likes.

Hey, he likes birds, Dennis.

-Yeah, have we got

any bird pictures?

-I don't know.

I'll look around.

-And we ought to

have a special chair

for the president to sit on.

Mr. Wilson doesn't fit too

good on a box because--

[doorbell rings]

-I'll get it!

-I'll get it, Dennis!

-Your new phone book, ma'am.

I'll take the old one, please.

-Fine.

Dennis, get the

other one, will you?

-We sure do need

a new phone book.

There's no place to draw

on this one anymore.

It's all full.

-[chuckles]

It certainly is.

-Well, you got a brand new

one now to work on, son.

-Hey, Mister!

Wait a minute!

-[gasps]

-And he doesn't like

people ringing his doorbell

when he's in the tub.

So I better take his

phone book in for you.

-OK, fine.

Just throw the old

one here in the truck.

-Come on, Tommy.

It's a good thing I

thought about this, Tommy.

-It sure is.

-Mr. Wilson gets

pretty mad when he

has to come downstairs

with his towel just

to answer the doorbell.

(WHISPERS) No need

to talk loud, Tommy.

We don't want to bother

Mr. Wilson at all.

-(WHISPERS) Sure.

He sure does like it quiet when

he's taking a bath, doesn't he?

-(WHISPERS) I'll say.

-(WHISPERS) He doesn't even like

it filling your water p*stol

in his tub, even

if you are quiet.

-I don't see why

the phone company

wants the old

books back, Dennis.

What do they do with them?

-They put them in that big

red house over past the park,

you know, where we used to play.

-I know where they

put them, Dennis.

But what do they do with them?

They're no good.

-Oh, yes, they are.

My dad told me all about them.

The put these old books

into a big grinder

and grind them up into pulk.

-What's that?

-Pulk?

Why it's just little bitty bits

of ground-up phone that's all.

I guess they-- look, Tommy!

Look at this swell picture

of an eagle, I think.

-That's not an eagle.

That's a hawk.

-Well, it's some kind of a bird.

Boy, this sure is

going to look swell

on the wall of our tree house.

-Yeah!

-(SINGING) Pah, pah,

param-param, bam, bam.

Buzzard Mountain Mining

Company, I love you.

Pupup, penem-- uh, oh!

Uh.

-[laughs].

Congratulations.

Mrs. Wilson's just been telling

us about your big stock deal.

-Oh-ho, thank you, Mitchell.

Yes, it's a very nice

surprise, all right.

I'll tell you that.

I never thought that stuff

would be worth a nickel.

-You don't think they'll change

their minds, do you, dear?

-Oh, certainly not.

It's a big syndicate.

They're buying up all they

can find, Martha. $ a share.

-$?

-Yeah, in fact, the bank called

again just a few minutes ago

to make sure I'm

coming in today.

-[chuckles]

They're certainly

anxious to buy it.

-Well, not any more anxious

than I am to sell it.

-Where is the stock

certificate, dear?

I hope you remember

where you put it.

-Well, certainly, I

remember where I put it.

It's in there in the phone book.

-Huh?

Eagles don't look like that.

-This eagle does.

-If it's an eagle, why

does he look so sad?

Eagles aren't sad.

-We'll go ask Mr. Wilson.

He'll tell you

what this eagle is.

-OK.

-Where did you say you

put the stock, dear?

In the phone book?

-That's right.

It should be pressed out

nice and flat by now.

-It's not in the

phone book, George.

Think again.

-Oh-oho what do you mean

it's not in the phone book?

Of course, it's

in the phone book.

That's where I put it, and

that's where it has to be.

It's in the phone book.

It's stock--

-Think again, dear.

-Uh, it has to be here.

-Look, he's looking

at his new phone book.

-Yeah, I'll bet he's surprised.

Hi, Mr. Wilson!

You like your new phone book?

Hi, Dad!

-Not now, Dennis.

Mr. Wilson's too busy to talk.

-My "new" phone book?

-Sure.

The phone man was going

to ring your doorbell

while you were taking a bath.

Well, we didn't

let him bother you.

-Oh, no!

-No, we didn't let him in.

I put that new book in

there for you myself.

-Oh, Dennis.

-Wha-- the, the, the

old one, the old book--

what did you do

with the old book?

-Oh, the phone man took that.

-He's going to grind

it up into pulk.

-Great Scott!

Where are my glasses?

Oh, I've got them, uh.

Martha, call the

phone-- I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I'll do it.

I'll do it.

I'll do-- operator?

Hello, operator.

-You have to dial , Mr. Wilson.

-Hello, operator.

Give me the phone company.

I know you're the phone company.

Give me someone I can talk to.

Well, it's about my phone book.

No, I've got the new one.

It's the old phone book.

I'd-- oh!

-I guess this isn't

a very good time

to ask him about

the picture, Tommy.

-This is not a good time

to ask him about anything.

Now, run on home.

I'll see you later.

-And we must get

our phone book back.

-Get the address.

-Yes.

If you could tell me

where your man takes them,

we could go there

and look for it.

Yes.

I'll hang on.

-We got our tree house

fixed up swell for you now.

So any time you're

ready, Mr. President.

-Oh.

-Dennis, we're going home.

I'll be right back.

And then we'll go

down and find out

where they keep those books.

I'll help you look for it.

-(MOANING) Oh, oh!

-The office says you can look.

But it won't do you any good.

Well, here they are.

How about it?

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

Nice, neat piles.

TOMMY (OFFSCREEN): That's a

keen bird picture there, Dennis.

That's a real eagle, boy.

-Yeah, I cut it out of

Mr. Wilson's magazine.

-What did you do with

the other picture?

-Oh, I put that away.

It was a goofy-looking

bird anyhow.

-Yeah.

-I feel kind of bad about

this whole thing, Tommy.

Poor good old Mr. Wilson.

$ is a lot of money.

-I'll say.

It wasn't our fault, though.

-It wasn't Mr.

Wilson's fault either.

And I don't think it's

right for him and Dad

to be hunting through all those

phone books by themselves.

-Do you think they'd get mad if

we went over and helped them?

-Tommy, there's one

thing about my dad.

When he has a lot

of hard work to do,

he doesn't care who helps him.

Let's go!

-[groans]

Whew!

Well, look carefully, Mitchell.

Let's not miss it.

That stock just has

to here somewhere.

-Oh, we'll find it, Mr. Wilson.

-[grunts]

-That's what everybody

says, all right.

We'll find it, they say.

They never do, though.

Very seldom.

It's the odds that

beat them every time.

You take right

now, for instance.

We've got about , or

, phone books in here.

-At least.

-So the odds on finding yours

is around , to -- against.

Hardly worth trying.

-Thanks for the kind words.

-Say, I got to get back

to the front office.

Time for my coffee break.

I'll be around, though.

Um, when you're ready

to give up, just holler.

-There they are, Tommy.

Hi, Mr. Wilson!

Hi, Dad!

-Dennis, I thought I

told you to stay home.

-Oh no, Dad.

You just told us to stay

out of Mr. Wilson's yard.

Didn't he, Tommy?

-Yep.

-Just stay out of our way.

We're looking for Mr.

Wilson's phone book.

-And I thought we were

looking for money, $?

-Not money, a piece of

paper that's worth $.

-Dennis, leave Mr. Wilson alone.

If you want to help, look

through some of these books.

And anything you find,

let me see it, understand?

-Understand, Tommy?

Whatever we find,

Dad wants to see it.

-Hey, I found something already.

It says S-T-O-C-K--

-What is it?

-Is that it?

-A stocking sale.

-Yes.

Yes, I'll tell him.

-The bank again?

-Yes.

Strange.

Every time I mentioned

the stock being

lost, he acts as if

he doesn't believe me,

as if I'm joking or something.

-Oh, it certainly isn't

any joking matter.

Thank you for the

tea, Mrs. Wilson.

Oh, there must be thousands

of phone books down there.

What a job!

-Yes, I'm sure it's no fun.

-Well, goodbye.

-Goodbye.

-This sure is fun,

isn't it, Mr. Wilson?

-No.

-Just like a treasure hunt.

-Yeah, a treasure hunt.

If you find it, is there

any reward, Mr. Wilson?

-Reward?

-Of course not, Tommy.

He's already going to

give us a dollar when

he gets change for dues.

-[groans]

-Besides, Mr. Wilson

is our president

as soon as he pays us.

And anything we can

do for our president--

-Oh, boys, there are thousands

of phone books in here.

Would you mind working

somewhere else?

-Dennis, now, you listen to me.

Either you and Tommy stay

clear out of our way,

or you can go on home.

Now, just take your choice.

-OK, Daddy.

We'll go find Mr. Wilson's

book way down this way.

Come on, Tommy.

-[sighs]

I got to stop here,

my back hurts.

-Me, too.

Oh, we must have gone

through , books.

Just look at this pile.

-Oh, yeah.

It's mighty

discouraging, ain't it?

-But we'll find it

sooner or later.

-Well, anyway, I'm glad

we're not just starting out.

-Hey, Dad, look!

I found our phone book!

I could tell by

my pictures on it!

-Dennis!

Look out!

The books!

-(YELLS) Ooh!

[crash]

-Oh!

-[grunts]

-Oh, no!

Everything mixed up.

Now, we'll have to

start at all over again!

-Yes, sir.

It's mighty discouraging.

-Me and Tommy want to help

Mr. Wilson find his phone

book because, gee, we

helped him lose it.

-Yes, that you did.

-And we were helping

all what we could.

Nobody appreciates it.

Besides, Dad made us go home.

-Well, they were probably

working hard down there, dear.

And you may have been just

a little bit in the way.

-We were working

hard, too, all day.

We got our tree house

fixed up so swell.

Now, nobody will even

come and look at it.

-I'd like to see it.

-You would?

-Well, of course, I would.

You said it was just for men.

And I didn't want to

intrude or anything.

-Well, you can't really join the

club, but you can look at it.

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

What do you think, Mom?

-Oh, it looks,

uh, eh, it looks--

-You like it?

-Well, it's got everything.

It's got a rug on

the floor and a table

and magazines and chair.

It's got everything, all right.

-That chair's just

for Mr. Wilson.

See what it says?

That's says, "for

the president."

Tommy's dad got it for us.

-Oh, isn't that nice?

-We even got his

favorite magazine.

Mr. Wilson just

loves this magazine.

I got it off the

table in his patio.

-Oh?

Well, now, I think you'd

better put this right back

on the table in his patio

because right now, we

don't want any more

trouble, honey.

-Well, OK.

But I thought he

could read it when

he's up here being president.

He's probably never going

to come up here now.

-Don't you worry.

You and Tommy will have just

as much fun without him.

Now, don't forget to put that

right back where you found it.

-OK.

-Well, for goodness sake.

Thank heavens!

GEORGE (OFFSCREEN): Martha!

Where are you?

-Out here, George, in the patio.

Come on out, dear.

I've got some ice-cold lemonade.

I'm sure you need it.

-No luck.

-I know.

I mean, I could tell

by looking at you.

Now, just sit down, dear,

and relax. [chuckles]

Read your magazine.

-Oh, I don't feel

like reading anything.

$ right down the drain.

-Oh, maybe not, George.

Maybe if you think

real hard, you'll

remember where you put it.

-Where I put it?

Where I put it?

Martha, I put it

in the phone book.

That's where I put it!

Look, the book was lying on

the desk, just like this, see?

I opened the book,

just like this, see?

Great Scott!

-There it is, George.

Right where you put it.

-Why, now, well,

I could have sworn

I put it in the phone book.

-Could have sworn, you did

swear you put in the phone book

over and over and over.

-Everyone can forget at times.

-Of course, dear, everybody

has lapses of memory.

If you just wouldn't

be so loudly

positive. [clicks tongues]

-And here, I've been blaming

Dennis for this all day.

Well, I-- I suppose you're

right about everyone

being forgetful at times.

-Of course.

It's no crime.

-No, no.

In fact, actually, I suppose

the ability to forget

is sort of a-- a mark

of genius in a way.

-Well, I wasn't going that far.

-Well, take Albert

Einstein, for instance.

Now, he could tell you where

every star in the universe was.

But I understand he

could never remember

where he put his glasses.

[all laugh]

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Mr. Wilson?

I was up in the tree house.

And I heard you say Dennis.

So I-- oh, where'd

you get our picture?

-Your picture?

-Oh, I remember.

I put it in your magazine

up in the tree house.

You can have it if you want.

-You had it?

Where did you get it?

-Me and Tommy found

it in the street

after I threw Mr. Wilson's

phone book in the truck.

-Aha!

[doorbell rings]

-By golly!

I knew I put that stock

in the phone book.

Yes, sir, I told you so, Martha.

Ha-ha!

And a perfect memory is

the mark of a strong mind.

And I knew my memory

was perfect about this.

Martha, I'd-- where did she go?

Oh, oh, why, Mr. Clark, hello.

I've-- I was just

going to call you, sir.

-Yes, I know.

Mrs. Wilson and I have

been playing cat-and-mouse

on the telephone all day.

Now, we are reasonable

people, Mr. Wilson.

If you felt that $ a

share wasn't enough,

why don't you just so?

-Well, I say so,

but, uh, you said--

-So you lost your stock, eh?

Well, very shrewd of you.

All right.

I have a check here for $.

That's $ a share.

-Instead of $?

-Yeah.

Can you find your stock now?

-Well, yes, I-- I think I can.

-[chuckles]

-Well, Martha, how about that?

Look at that, Mitchell.

-$ more, you just made.

-[laughs]

By golly, I didn't realize

what a tremendous thing

my subconscious mind is, Martha.

-It is?

-I must somehow known

in my subconscious

that if I put that

stock in the phone book,

Dennis would lose it.

-That's logical, I think.

-And then some sort

of inner genius

told me that if Dennis lost

it, the price would go up.

-Up $.

[all laugh]

-Oh, oh, uh, don't

worry, Mr. Clark.

It's all endorsed

and ready to go.

Well, now, eh, if

you'll excuse me,

I've been invited to join

a very exclusive club.

-A club?

-He's the president.

-It's dues are a dollar,

meets in a tree. [chuckles]

Oh, Mitchell, uh,

lend me a dollar.

-[chuckles]

-There you are,

Dennis. [chuckles]

I kept you out on

a limb long enough.

Let's go. [laughs]

Our club.

[theme music]