02x17 - Pythias Was a Piker

[bunniefuu]

-As soon as I finish my
tea, I better run along.

-Oh, don't hurry.
-I have to go to the--

[door slam]
--market and--

-Hi mom!

I'm home!

-Hello, dear.

-Hello, Dennis.

-Well, hi Mrs. Wilson.

Mom, I'm hungry.
-All right.

I'll fix you a sandwich.

How was school?

-Swell.

And you know what?

Everybody in our class has
to write a composition.

-Oh good!

-A composition.

Isn't that pretty advanced
for Dennis's class?

-Everything they write
is called a composition.

Miss Morrison likes to make
their assignments very

important.

What's it going to be about?

-Friends.

Miss Morrison says for me to pick
out my very best friend

and write all about him.

-Oh, that's a nice assignment.

You have lots of good friends.

-I sure have.

I've got so many friends
it's hard to decide.

But I guess my best friend
in the whole world

is good ol' Mr. Wilson.

So that's what I'm
gonna write about.

-Well, that's sweet
of you, Dennis.

Mr. Wilson will be
very proud to hear it.

He's so fond of you.

-I'll go tell him in a minute.

But first I have to see Tommy.

He's waiting outside for me.

[theme music]

-Tax assessor.

City Hall.

-Here Tinkerbell!

Tinker!

Here kitty, kitty,
kitty, kitty, kitty!

Oh.

Mr. Wilson, have
you seen my kitty?

-No, Mrs.
Elkins, I haven't seen your

Tinkerbell at all,

I'm happy to say.

-She's around here is somewhere.

-I strongly protest the--
I handed assessment--

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
(LOUDLY) Hello--

--of my prop--

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
(LOUDLY) Mr. Wilson!

-Oh.

-What are you doing, Mr. Wilson,
making paper wads?

No, I am not making paper wads.

-Sure got a lot of them.

-What do you boys want?

Can't you see I'm busy?

-Guess what, Mr. Wilson.

I'm going to write a
compensation for school,

and it's called My Best Friend.

And you know who I'm
gonna write about?

You.

-Oh, well that's
just fine, Dennis.

Now, run on.
I'm--

-And you're invited to
come to school next week

and hear me read it.

-Dennis, I can't come to
school next week or

any other week.

I am busy!

Now go on and pester
somebody else!

-Well, I guess we can
talk about it later.

I just wanted it--
Gee, look what

happened to your pruning sheers.

I didn't know they
come apart like this.

-Oh, for heaven's sakes, Dennis!

Why can't you learn to
keep your hands off my--

-He didn't do anything.

-I just picked
them up Mr. Wilson.

-Well, everything you
touch comes apart.

Now go on home, both of you.
-OK.

But if you're going
to be my best friend,

be in my composition--
-Oh, Dennis.

I'm not your best friend at all.

You've got lots better friends
than I am, believe me.

Now, home!

Home!

-Well, of all the
nasty attitudes.

-Oh, are you still
here, Mrs. Elkins?

I thought you'd gone home.

-I never heard such a thing.

How anyone could talk like
that to an innocent little child.

-Innocent little
chi-- Dennis Mitchell?

-Oh, everyone knows you
hate animals and children, Mr.

Wilson.-Why, I do not
any such thing.

Dennis was bothering
me when I'm busy--

-Oh, no one's that busy to
refuse a precious gift

of friendship from an
innocent little child.

Well, it-- it--
it's reprehensible!

-Oh, for Pete's sake.

Mrs. Elkins, why don't you
gochase Tinkerbell up a tree!

-Well, believe me.

The whole town will
hear about this.

-Oh!
Fiddle-faddle!

-And Mrs. Elkins didn't
know I was there.

She was telling it all
over the grocery store.

-Sadly.

-How she was here in the yard and
heard the whole thing.

Of course, the minute
she saw me, she shut up.

-I'd like to see her
shut up in a packing box

and shipped to China!

-She's telling everyone
that you hate children.

-She ought to be arrested!

Me hate children?

That is absolutely ridiculous.

-Oh, if you only hadn't been so
impatient with Dennis.

He only came over to tell you
about his composition,

about his friendship for you.

-Well, Martha, being
friends with Dennis

is like being friends
with a porcupine.

I always get stuck!

-My best friend,
good ol' Mr. Wilson.

That's what he's writing about.

-Yes.
I know.

Well, I suppose I shouldn't have
been so short with him,

but I was busy.

-We've been invited to school to
hear him read it next week,

you know.-Well, I can't go,
Martha.

I've got no time for that
kind of foolishness.

-I don't think it's foolishness
to sit there and listen

to a little boy read his
composition about what

a good friend you are.

-Well, I suppose.

-In front of a room full
of children and their parents.

-Their parents?

-They've all been invited,
the same parents

that Mrs. Elkins was
talking to about you.

-Hmm.

Well, I suppose it would be sort
of good publicity for me,

wouldn't it?

Show the people around here the
kind of person I really am.

-Indeed it would.

-Oh, I suppose I shouldn't have
snapped at Dennis the way

I did.

It's just that he's
so destructive.

He breaks things when
he comes over here.

Look at this.

Ruined!

-George, I did that.

-You what?

-They just came apart.

The screw's on the
shelf in the patio.

-Oh, no.

Well, I just naturally
assumed that Dennis-- I

mean-- Oh, good gracious.

Oh!

Oh, I am ashamed of myself.

-I think you should be.

-Martha, I have treated
that boy shabbily.

By golly, Martha, I'm going
over there right now

and apologize to him.

-Good for you.

-And if Dennis wants
to write a composition

about what a good
friend I am and read it

in front of everybody,
I'll let him.

-You're sweet.

-You know, Martha.

He's awfully fond of me.

I'm sort of his
idol, you might say.

-Indeed, you are.

-And here I've cast him
aside, rejected him.

Why, that poor little fella must
be absolutely crushed!

-And I can keep it
for my very own!

Isn't this a swell thing for
Opie to give me, Mom?

-Oh, it's simply beautiful!

A real Indian headdress.

-A w*r bonnet!

It's a beauty, son.

-And look what Opie gave me.

A real authentic
Indian rubber tomahawk!

-My, that certainly
is nice of him.

-He sure is swell to kids.

Boy, I got so many best
friends, I don't who

to write about,

dad!

-Well, if you're going over to
Tommy's in time for dinner,

I think you better get a move on
and get your things together.

-Yeah!

Come on, Tommy.

You can help me pack!

-Help him pack?

A pair of pajamas
and a toothbrush?

-Oh, wouldn't be simple as that!

He'll have to take along
his six g*ns, his space

helmet, his football.

Oh, I tell you.

Staying away from overnight
takes an awful lot--

[doorbell]

-Oh, Hi Mr. Wilson.

-Oh--

-Come on in.
-Good evening, Mitchell.

Thank you.

Oh, I'm not going
to stay, Alice.

I know it's close
to dinner time.

I just, uh--

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Who came in, Mom?

Anybody?

-Oh, it's your good ol' friend,
Mr.

Wilson, Dennis!

-Hi, Mr. Wilson!

I'm going to stay
all night with Tommy.

See you later!

-Very busy boy today.
-Yes.

He's got quite a problem.

He has to write a composition for
school on my best friend

and he can't quite
decide who it is.

Got so many, he says.

-Oh.

Well, I'll-- I'll run along.

I just brought him
a little present.

Thought he might like it.

You can give it to
him when I'm gone.

-Well, he's never that busy.

I'll call him down.

-Yes.

You give it to him yourself.

That certainly was nice of you.

-Dennis!

Come down a minute.

Mr. Wilson brought
you a present!

-Oh, I'll take it in
here and unwrap it.

I want to surprise him.

-A present!

Oh, boy!

What have you got for me!

Where is he?
-All right.

All right.
Take it easy.

He's right in here.

-Now, wait in the
doorway, now Dennis!

-OK, Mr. Wilson!

Oh, boy!

-It's something
you've always wanted

and I bought it just for you!

-Well, Dennis, what do you say?

-Sure is a little
bitty one, isn't it?

-Dennis!

-But thanks, though,
Mr. Wilson, anyhow.

Hey, Tommy!

Look at the little Indian hat!

You can wear it, and
be the little chief.

I'll be the big chief with this
one that Opie gave me!

[indian sounds]

-And we had lemon
pie for dinner,

and Mrs. Anderson let
us watch TV till : !

And that's not all!

Tommy gave me all these
comic books to keep!

-You really need comic books?

-Boy, Tommy Anderson's one of the
best friends I've got.

But another best
friend is Opie Swanson,

because look what
Opie just gave me!

See?

I can turn the winder and make it
any time I want it to be.

That's because it's empty.

-That's great!

I always say there's nothing
like an empty watch.

-I guess when I write
my composition, my really best

friend will be Opie,
because he gives me

more swell stuff than anybody.

-Now, wait a minute, son.

You don't judge your friends by
the gifts they can give you.

-Well, certainly not, Dennis.

There's much more
to it than that.

You can't buy
real friendship with presents.

-Oh, presents are
sure friendly, though.

I like to get them.

-I think we all like
to get presents,

but, well, a real friend is
someone who trusts you.

Someone who believes in you.

-Someone who forgives you
when you do something wrong,

and who

helps you when
you're in trouble.

-Well, Mr. Wilson
does that sometimes.

He ran out in the yard without
it glasses one night

and k*lled a stuffed moose
head, because he thought

it was after me and
Tommy, remember?

-Yes.

And there was a plaster of
Paris and fur all

over everything.

-Mr. Wilson's a very good
friend of yours, Dennis.

-And so is Tommy.

-And to be perfectly honest,
so is Opie Swanson.

-Yeah.
All of them are.

Jeepers, now I don't
know who to write

my composition about again.

-Well, you run on
outside and play.

But don't go too
far from the house.

-OK.

I think I'll go over
and talk to Mr. Wilson.

-Good idea.

-Don't go anywhere else now.

I may have to go
out this afternoon

and I'll want to
know where you are.

-OK.

So far, my best friend is a tie
between three people.

But maybe one of them will
do something so friendly

that I'll just have to
pick him for the best.

-You are absolutely, Martha.

Dennis is old enough to know who
his real friends are.

-Of course, he is.

-Well, it would be
fine publicity for me

around the neighborhood to be in
that composition of his,

but I am not going to try
to influence him at all.

-I don't think you should.

-If Opie Swanson wants
to fawn all over him

and shower him with gifts and
make a fool of himself,

let him.
But not me.

-Good for you.

-I'll treat Dennis
the way I always

have, with love and affection,
but with a firm hand.

Oh, you have to have a firm hand
with Dennis, Martha.

[door close]

-Hi, Mr. Wilson!

-Well, Dennis!

How are you?

How's my very best friend?

-Well, Mr. Wilson,
I'm almost-- Gee whiz,

I didn't mean to-- I didn't
see the-- What happened?

-Oh, now, now, now, now.

It wasn't your fault
at all, Dennis.

Don't you worry about it.

I'll fix it all up tomorrow.

Now, do you know what you and I
are going to do right now,

little pal?

-What, Mr. Wilson?

-We are going to drive down
to the department store

and see what they have
in the toy department.

How about that?

-Oh, boy!

Just for nothing?

Wow!

I'll race you to the car!

-That's what he needs, yes.

A firm hand.

-Gee, these are
sure swell presents.

You're awful like the kids.

-Well, you and I are
best friends, Dennis.

I like to do things
for my best friend.

-Sure is lucky we ran into Tommy
so he could go with u

-Sure is, boy!

-Oh, yes.

It doubled my expenses,
but any friend of yours

is a friend of mine.

Dennis, when you read that
composition of yours,

I'll be at the
school to hear it.

-Oh, boy!

Swell!

I knew you'd come!

I'll let you know who it's
about when I write it.

-Who it's about?

But I thought--

-So far my best friend is a
tie, but you sure are

one of them,

though!

Come on, Tommy.

Let's take all this stuff home.

-Boy, if I was writing
it, I'd write about you.

All these presents.

-Presents haven't
got anything to do

with being best friends, Tommy.

-It hasn't?

-Of course not.

Friendship isn't just buying
things for people.

My mom says you can't buy
friendship with money.

Right, Mr. Wilson?

-Oh.

Well, yes.

Your mother's absolutely
right, of course.

I just wish he'd said
that about $ sooner.

-But mom, it wasn't my fault.

Good ol'
Mr. Wilson took us downtown

and bought us all

this--

-Didn't I tell you not to
go anywhere without telling me?

Mr. Wilson was out.

Mrs. Wilson was out.

I didn't know where you were!

-Well, I forgot!

-Well, maybe it would help you
remember the next time

if you sit right there in
the corner for one hour.

-One hour!

Oh, mom!

That's an awful long time.

-The sooner you get
started, the sooner

you can go out and play again.

Now sit.

-Sit.

Gee whiz, you'd
think I was a dog.

Sit, she says.

-I have to go pick up your father
at the golf course.

Now, it's o'clock.

I'll be home by : .

I don't want you to
leave that chair.

You know the rules.

-(SADLY) Oh, all right.

-Have to sit in the corner, eh?

Oh, that's too bad.

Maybe if I go explain
to Mrs. Mitchell--

-Oh, she went out somewhere.

And he has to sit there for
a whole hour in that empty house,

and nobody can talk
to him or anything.

-Hmm.

A whole hour of peace and quiet.

He's all alone in the house?

Nobody can even talk to him?

-Nope.
It's not allowed.

-Sounds very restful.

Tommy, how many
parents do you think

will be at school when
Dennis, uh, reads his

composition?

-Everybody, I guess.

There'll be Margaret's
mom, Joey's, and Chuck,

and Johnny's, Mrs.
Elkins, and everybody.

I'll see you later.

-Certainly be a friendly
gesture if I went over

there and-- Yes.

Anybody who'd do
a thing like that

is bound to be his best friend.

-You will, Mr. Wilson?

You'll sit in the corner for me?

-Why, of course!

When a man is your
best friend like I

am, Dennis, why, he'll
do anything for you.

Besides, it was partly my fault.

-Well, I told mom it
was all your fault.

She's making me sit here anyhow.

-Well, I'll explain
to your mother,

and I'll sit out
the hour for you.

-I'd better not, Mr. Wilson.

She was pretty mad.

And she told me not to get out of
this chair for an hour.

So maybe I'd better--

-Oh, now Dennis, don't
you worry about a thing.

I'll explain it
all to your mother.

Well, this kind of like a
football game, you see.

I'm just being your substitute!

-Yeah!

Swell.
Swell!

Like football.

Mom knows about football.

Oh, not that chair.

She won't ever let me sit in
anything but this chair.

This is the corner
sitting chair.

-I don't know.

I'm kind of--

-Mom's always strict
about the rules.

-Well, I suppose we have
to do it by the rules!

-We sure do, because
if we break any,

she makes me start all
over for another hour.

Now here's the rules.

You're not allowed to speak,
or talk, or say anything

to anybody.
-Good.

Good.

-And you have to
face the corner,

and you can't turn around.

And if you draw
pictures on the wall,

you have to stay in
the whole weekend.

-I didn't even bring my crayon.

-There's only one good thing.

She let's you look
at comic books.

-Ah, but-- Well, I'll get
along just splendidly.

I'll just sit here
and rest and think.

Now, Dennis, you
just run on and play.

-Gee, Mr.
Wilson, this is the

swellest thing anybody

ever did for me.

You sure are my best friend
in the whole world.

And now I know who
to write about.

MRS. ELKINS (OFFSCREEN):
Here, kitty!

Kitty, kitty, kitty!

-Boy, that old cat of
hers is always lost.

-Oh, hello boys.

Have you seen my kitty?

-No, ma'am.

She was in Mr. Wilson's
yard this morning.

-But he chased her out.

-Chased my kit--
Oh, of all-- Oh,

I'd like to tell him what I
think of him right now.

-He's not allowed to
talk to anybody now.

It's against the rules.

-He has to just sit
there till o'clock.

-Sit where?

What are you talking about?

-Mr. Wilson.

He's sitting in the
corner in our kitchen

reading a comic book.

And he has to stay
there the whole hour.

And he's doing it just for me.

-Oh!

This I must see!

Isn't your mother home?

-No, ma'am.

-Well, let's go look!

-Still sitting there.

-Oh, if that isn't a picture!

I always thought you must be in
your second childhood!

-How did you--

-Oh, little Jack Horner.

You dropped your comic book!

Oh, will the girls love this!

-Mr. Wilson!

Wait!

My hour isn't up yet!

Are you coming back
later, Mr. Wilson?

--[sigh] Every time I
think of this afternoon,

I just shake all over.

The most embarrassing
moment of my life!

I feel like a dunce!

-Well, you certainly are not!

-Well, then why
do I act like one?

I tell you, Martha, every timeI
get mixed up with Dennis,

I get m*rder*d!

-All right, dear.

Let's forget it.

-Well, what do I care
who Dennis's best

friend is anyhow.

It's not me.

I can't afford it!

-All right, dear.

Now, don't let's talk
about it anymore.

-This has cost me
my whole reputation

as a man of dignity
with that Elkins woman

blabbering all over the
neighborhood about-- Oh.

-All right, dear.

Now, don't think--
-Fall on the floor--

--about it at all.--and make
me a perfect idiot.

-Now you sit down.
[doorbell]

-Oh, the doorbell.

-You know, you don't have to go
to the school at all.

I'll tell Alice you
don't fell well.

Oh, hello, Henry.
-Hi, Ms. Wilson.

-Come on in.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson!

-Oh, hello, Mitchell.

Nice to see you.
Sit down.

-Oh, thanks.

I can't.

I can only stay a minute.

Dennis wrote his
composition tonight.

You know the one about My
Best Friend for school?

-Oh, well, I won't be there to
hear him read it.

Uh, something came up.

-Well, then I'm especially glad
that I brought it over.

Alice and I thought
you'd like to read it.

-Oh, well, you think
it's all right?

I mean Dennis won't mind?
-Sure, go ahead.

Read it.

Read it.

-My best friend,
by Dennis Mitchell.

My best friend is the best
friend any boy ever had.

And his name is
good ol' Mr. Wilson!

-Oh.

-He's kind to dogs, and
animals, and flowers,

and he's awful good to
kids, especially me.

And--

-No matter what I break,
Mr. Wilson always gets over it.

And when I get in trouble,
he always helps me out.

And if I'm in real bad trouble,
sometimes he even

takes my punishment for me.

I'm a lucky kid to have
a lot of good friends.

But how about a big hand for my
best friend, good ol'

Mr.

Wilson!

-That was very good, Dennis.

A fine composition.

Well, that concludes our day.

I know all your parents
are very proud of you.

You children may go.

-We've enjoyed this so
much, Mrs. Morrison.

-Well, I'm so glad
you could come.

You certainly have a
great admirer here, Mr.

Wilson.

-Oh, well, the feeling is mutual,
Miss Morrison.

Why, Dennis is my
best friend, too!

He knows I'd do
anything for him.

-And I've got the
best mom and dad

in the whole world,
too, Miss Morrison.

-I'm sure you have, Dennis.

-Boy, are they patient.

And they never
get mad at me when

I get in trouble, because
they know how easy it

is for kids to get
in trouble, don't ya?

-Well, if we don't, nobody does.

-I have a peculiar
feeling that all of this

is leading up to something.

Is there a problem,
Miss Morrison?

-There was a little
pushing contest

at the drinking fountain.

Dennis couldn't stay
in line it seems.

One little girl was so drenched
I had to send her home.

-Yeah, that dumb
old Margaret made

us wait while she
gave her doll a drink!

-So Dennis is going to sit in the
corner for one hour.

-Dennis, what in the
world are your mother

and I going to do with you?

-Don't worry, dad!You don't
have to do anything!

My best friend and I, we can
handle this, all right.

Here you are, Mr. Wilson.

And don't you worry.

I'll be playing right
outside the whole hour.

-Great Scott!

[theme music]