02x22 - Dennis' Tool Chest

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Dennis the Menace". Aired: October 4, 1959 – July 7, 1963.*
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Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.
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02x22 - Dennis' Tool Chest

Post by bunniefuu »

-Well, as soon as you clean
up your plate real good,

we'll have desert.

I baked a pie.

-Oh, boy, pie!

What kind, Mom?

What kind of pie?

-It's a surprise.

-Boy, I hope it's the kind Dad
had when I had lunch with him

downtown yesterday.

It was a new kind,
just made out of sugar.

-Made out of sugar?

What kind was that, dear?

-I don't remember.

I think it was coconut cream.

-That's not what the
waitress called it.

Don't you remember, Dad?

She said what do
you want little boy?

And I said ice cream.

And then she said to you,
what will you have, sugar pie?

-Sugar pie?

[theme music]

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Hi, Mr. Wilson!

Did you have a flat tire?

-Yes, I had a flat tire.

Where'd you come from,
a whole in the ground?

-No, around the
corner of your house.

Can I use your
hammer, Mr. Wilson?

-You cannot.

Use your Dad's.

-He doesn't have any.

They got lose somehow.
[mr. wilson chuckling]

-I'll bet.

-You know what I wish I had
more than anything in the world?

A tool chest.

-Oh, now there's a
frightening thought.

-Can't I just user your hammer?

It'll only take a minute.

-Dennis, you can't
use any of my tools.

Every time you do,
you either lose

them or something goes wrong.

-This time it's different.

This time I want to do
something nice for ya.

-What do you want to do?

-Do you know that fence between
your backyard and my backyard?

-You may think of it as a fence.

I think of it as a barricade.

-Well, it's so high, I
can't even look over it.

[mr. wilson chuckling]

-Yes, I know.

-And I figured if you'd
lend me your hammer,

I could make some
knot holes so you

and me could look at each other.

-Don't you touch that fence.

Great Scott!

-But we may need some holes.

What if we want to pass
secret messages to each other?

-Dennis, I have a secret
message for you right now.

If you touch that
fence, I will be

forced to speak to
your father about you.

-I guess he's just
nervous today.

-Yeah, maybe I
better not remind him

that I can already look in
his yard from my tree house.

Boy, I'll say he's nervous.

He even forgot to
close his trunk.

I'll do it for him.

[calling for cat]

-Oh, little boys,
have you seen my cat?

-Not since yesterday
when me and Tommy

were making electricity
with his fur.

-You what?

-Did you lose him?

-Well, I can't find him.

I've been all over the block.

-Why don't you try
the next block.

-Well, I haven't the time.

I have to get home.
I have something in the oven.

-Oh, is that what
we've been smelling?

-Smells like cookies.

-Yeah, chocolate ones
with nuts in them.

-Well, it's not cookies exactly.

It's brownies.

Now, if you'll excuse me.
-Hey, Miss Cathcart?

Yeah?

-You want us to try them
for you and tell you

whether they came out all right?

-No, Dennis.

They're for a
gentleman caller who's

dropping by this afternoon.

-Mr. Dorfman, the mailman?

-No, Tommy.

-Mr. Maurice, the man
that services your TV set?

-No, Dennis.

It's a Mr. McDougall.

I don't think you know him.

-Did you give up on Mr.
Dorfman and Mr. Maurice?

-Well, suffice it to
say, Mr. McDougall

is a little more attentive.

Now, I have to get
back to the house.

-Hey, Miss Cathcart?

-Yes?

-If we promise to
find your cat for ya,

can we try your brownies?

-Say, that's an idea.

I haven't time to
look for him myself.

Maybe we could make a deal.

-Maybe we ought to go over
to your house to make it,

Miss Cathcart.

Those brownies smell done.

-Come on.

-Now, I thought
I left that open.

Huh.

[cat meowing]

[clearing throat]

-Here's the fork, Miss Cathcart.

-You don't have to wash
it because we really

didn't use it.

Just stick it in another one
of those good old brownies

and give it to us.

-I think you'd had
enough, boys, because I'm

going to have to save
them for my caller.

[miss cathcart chuckling]

-Does he come to see you
very often, Miss Cathcart?

-Quite often.

Boys, let's talk about my cat.

-OK.

His name's Mike.

-His name used to be Mike.

I changed it.

His name's Theresa.

-Jeepers!

No wonder he ran away.

-Dennis, you don't understand.

You see, Mike turned
out to be a she.

And now, she's going
to have a family.

-Kittens?

-That's right.

-Boy, I bet you were
surprised, huh, Miss Cathcart?

-If you think she
was surprised, think

how surprised Mike
must have been.

-Boys, the point
is that cats are

apt to have their kittens
in mighty strange places.

Now, I want Theresa to have
hers right here at home.

-We'll find your cat
for ya, Miss Cathcart.

-We sure will.

And you know what else we'll do?

We'll build her a little
house to have them in.

-Fremont, bad dog, stop it!

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

What's going on?

-Ah, I've been trying to
find a squeak in my car.

I just oiled the springs.

-You're a real
perfectionist, Mr. Wilson ,

where that car is concerned.

-Well, I believe in seeing
machinery in top condition.

Besides, this is the darnedest
noise you ever heard.

Hey, oh, thank you.

Let's see if I've
gotten rid of it.

[cat wailing]

-Do you hear that?

[fremont barking]

[cat wailing]

-That is the darnedest
thing I've ever heard.

[mr. wilson chuckling]

-Oh, shut up, Fremont, quiet!

Hah!

That poor, confused canine
thinks it really is a cat.

Quiet, Fremont!

-What are you going to do now?

-Well now I'm going
to tighten every knot

and bolt in this entire car.

-That'll be some job.

You want me to help you?

-Why, that's very
generous of you, Mitchell.

I certainly appreciate it.

-Just let me change my clothes.

[mr. wilson chuckling]

[cat wailing]

-Oh, quiet Fremont!

Quiet.

-And you know why she
can't go look for her cat?

Because she's having
a gentlemen caller.

-Oh, that's nice.
Mr. Dorfman--

-It's not Mr. Dorfman.

It isn't even Mr. Maurice.

-Oh, I wonder who--

-Do you want us to
go peak in a window?

-No, I certainly do not!

I don't want you ever
peaking in anybody's window.

-Well, OK.

Anyway, me and Tommy are
going to find her cat for her,

and we didn't even
ask for a tip.

-Oh, you're good boys.

-We just asked for brownies.

-A person shouldn't
ask for something

in return for a favor.

-How about if he does a job?

-What kind of a job?

-Like building a house.

-Well, that's different.

A carpenter has to be paid.

-Then how much money do you
think we ought to charge her?

-Who?

-Miss Cathcart.

-We're going to build
a house for her cat.

-I don't want you to
charge her anything.

-Jeepers, Mom, it was your idea.

All I wanted was brownies.

Have you got any
wood we can use?

-There's part of a wooden
box out in the garage.

You can use that.

-Hey, Dad.

Guess what me and
Tommy are going to do.

We're going to build a house
for Miss Cathcart's cat.

-Well, good for you.

-He's going to have kittens.

-Well, good for him.

-He used to be a him.

Now him's a her.

-Her name's Theresa.

-You know what I need, Dad?

I need a tool chest.

-We'll think about it.

-If I had a tool
chest of my own,

I could do all kinds of jobs
around the house for ya.

-We'll talk about it later.

-Why don't we talk about it now?

-Well, for one thing, I've
got to go change my clothes.

I'm going over and
help Mr. Wilson.

He's trying to get a
squeak out of his car.

MR. WILSON

can you get that one
fitting over there?

Though ought to finish it.

HENRY MITCHELL (OFFSCREEN):
Yeah, hand me the grease g*n.

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):
Oh, there you are.

HENRY MITCHELL
(OFFSCREEN): Thanks.

Oops!

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):
Oh, Great Scott!

[mr. wilson groaning]

-I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Wilson.

-Well, you should be.

-Well, see the-- the
grease g*n slipped.

-Well, you should never
point a g*n at anybody.

-It was very careless of
me, but I got the fitting.

-Oh?

Well, thank heaven
for small favors.

Well, Mitchell, we face
the moment of truth.

We've tightened every
nut, and bolt, and screw

in the entire car.

-And a double shot of
grease in every fitting.

-Yeah, and a shot for the face.

[chuckling]

-Well, should we give it a try?

-Might as well.

I don't see how it can
possibly squeak now.

-Well, here goes.

[cat wailing]

[cat wailing]

-Oh, blast!

-Mr. Wilson, that
does sound like a cat.

-Of course it sounds like a cat.

What do you think
I've been saying?

I'm about to offer
the car some cream.

-I don't think
that'll do any good.

Maybe we better give up.

-Not on your life.

Do you know what
I'm going to do now?

I'm going to remove
both fronts fenders.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Hi, Dad.

-Boys, you've come
at a very bad time.

Why don't you go over
to the park and play?

-We're not playing.

-We're working, and we
want to borrow a hammer,

and saw, and crowbar
from Mr. Wilson.

-Well, you're out of luck.

-But jeepers--

-Dennis, if you're
going to stay here,

you'll have to be very quiet.

Mr. Wilson and I are
discussing something important.

-Yes, now, as I was
saying, I'm going

to take off both front fenders.

-Mr. Wilson, that's
pretty drastic.

Your car will look like--

-Oh, well, I'll put
them back on, of course.

But you see, I'll put
strips of inner tube

between the car and the fender.

And then I guarantee
they won't squeak.

-That should do it.

-Eh, you don't happen to have
any old inner tube, do ya?

-I have.

It's the one I make
sling sh*ts out of.

-Oh, well, Dennis, do you
suppose your old friend

Mr. Wilson could buy a few
strips of inner tube from ya?

-Jeepers, I wouldn't charge
you for it, Mr. Wilson.

-Good boy, son.

-You can have all
you want for free.

-Well, thank you, Dennis.

-If you let us use your
hammer, and saw, and crowbar.

-Great Scott.
Trapped again.

-Dennis, that's out
of the question.

What do you want the
tools for anyway?

-Me and Tommy are
going to build a house

for Miss Cathcart's cat.

-Well, you know how Mr.
Wilson feels his tools.

-Oh, well, that's
all right, Mitchell.

I want that inner tube.

All right, boys.

I'll let you use my hammer
and saw just this once.

But I don't have a crowbar.

-Well, we gotta have one.

Some of these boards are held
together with big spikes.

-Well, I'm sorry.

Uh, you go get my hammer
and saw off the workbench

and tell Mrs. Wilson
I said it's all right.

-Thanks, Mr. Wilson.

-Yeah, thanks a lot.

-These really are spikes.

-Yeah.

Say, you know what they could
use in place of a crowbar?

A tire iron.

I-- I-- I've got one here
in the trunk of my car.

-You're very kind, Mr. Wilson.

I know how you value your tools.

-Oh, that's all right, Mitchell.

Dennis is doing
something for me, too.

[mr. wilson chuckles]

-Well, I'm going to
see that you're never

put into this position again.

As soon as we're finished fixing
the car, I'm going downtown

and buy Dennis a tool chest.

-Oh, Mitchell.

Do you think that's wise?

He could ruin the neighborhood.

-It'll just be a
little boys tool chest.

You know, junior size tools?

-A termite's less than an inch
long, but it can ruin a house.

-Mr. Wilson, I'm going to lay
down some hard and fast rules

as to when and where Dennis
can use this tool chest.

-That sounds good.

-And remember, if he
has his own tools,

he won't be borrowing yours.

-Mitchell, why don't you go get
him his tool chest right now?

[henry chuckling]

-We're not finished
with the car yet.

-I-- I'll handle the car.

You go get his tool chest.

Maybe you can get
back here before he

has a chance to lose
my hammer or saw.

-Oh, George, you've spent
most of the day on this car.

What about the trellis?

-Well, Martha dear,
this is the last fender.

When I get it on, if
the squeak is gone,

I'll get to the trellis.

-Boy, this is exactly
what I wanted.

What do you want me to do first?

-Well, with those
tools maybe you

could build some
income property.

-Come on, honey, it's
not that elaborate.

-After I finish the
house for the cat,

I'll fix that jiggle in
the kitchen table, Mom.

-Now, Dennis, until
you get a little older,

I don't want you trying to fix
anything here in the house.

-I should say not.

-OK, maybe there's something
I could do for the Wilsons.

-Uh, Dennis, when a boy
gets his first tool set,

he and his father--

-And his mother.

-And his mother
have to get together

and establish a few rules.

-Rules?

About what?

-There we go.

[mr. wilson chuckling]

-Oh, George, I
hope this does it.

-We'll soon see, Martha.

We'll soon see.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

I see you've got
them all on again.

-Oh, yes, just finished.

Once again, we face
that moment of truth.

-Hey, Mr. Wilson, you
want to see my tool chest?

-No, not now, Dennis.

I'm about to test
my car for squeaks.

I must ask you all
for absolute silence.

This must be the way the
Wright brothers felt just

before that first
fateful flight.

Well-- Ah.

-George, you're flying!

-Congratulations, Mr. Wilson!

-Yeah, it doesn't
squeak, does it?

-No Dennis, little
friend, it does not!

-You know, I think there's a
lesson in this for all of us.

-What do you mean, Mr. Wilson?

-This demonstrates that with
careful planning, perseverance,

and care, man can
accomplish anything.

Now today, Dennis, you
have your first tool chest.

Use it well.

Value your tools.

Use them with love,
care for them,

and never, never lend them.

-Never Mr. Wilson?

-Never.

And now Martha, let's
get to that trellis.

-Oh, there you are, Mitchell.

-Well, that came
off easy enough.

-Yeah, now just help me
carry this around the side,

and we'll get the new one.

That's it.

[cat meowing]

-Ah, I certainly appreciate
your help, Mitchell.

-Oh not at all, Mr. Wilson.

You've helped me enough.

-That's it, there,
get it centered.

That's fine.

Oh, thank you.

Now, I just get a few nail
sin here, and I'm all through.

-Then you can go in and rest.

-Right.

[mr. wilson chuckling]

-You know, I don't know what
I want most, a hot shower,

a cup of coffee, or a snooze.

[mr. wilson chuckling]

[cat meowing]

[cat meowing]

-Martha, don't do that, please.

-I didn't do it, George.

[cat meowing]

-Martha, you're imitating
the squeak in my car.

-No I'm not, George.

I think it's a cat.

[cat meowing]

[cat meowing]

-Why, It's coming from the wall!

-I think it is.

But how could a cat
get in the wall?

-I haven't the remotest idea.

-Are there any openings
under the house?

-Well, there are the air vents.

Great Scott!

When I tore down
the old trellis,

I exposed one of-- do you
suppose a cat could have-- Oh!

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.
Huh?

Oh, don't bother me now, Dennis.

-But you haven't looked
at my tool chest yet.

-Oh, so I haven't, Dennis.

Let's see.

I could your hammer,
and your new saw.

-But you told me not to
loan them to anybody.

-Dennis, this is an emergency.

There's a cat in the wall.

-But you said--

-Nevermind what I
said, for heaven sakes.

-A cat?

Jeepers, I wonder if it's
Miss Cathcart's cat, Theresa.

She's missing.

-Oh, for heaven sakes.

Well, just a minute.

Watch it now.

Oh.

There we go.

Oh, dear.

Here, Theresa!

Here, Theresa!

Here, kitty, kitty,
kitty, kit-- well,

if it is Miss
Cathcart's cat, I don't

know why I'm going to
all this trouble for.

-What do you mean, George?

-Well, I'm going to call
Miss Cathcart on the phone

and tell her to come
and get her own cat out.

-Now, just a minute, George.

-Is she still
entertaining, Dennis?

-Wow, is she!

When I took the house
for the cat over there,

they were sitting on the sofa
with their heads together.

-I won't let you
interrupt her, George.

-Now, Martha--

-I won't stand for it, George.

If this man is serious,
it may be her one chance

to find happiness.

-Well, I wouldn't want tost
and in the way of that.

-My, you certainly
are a good cook.

-Thank you, Humphrey.

That's a talent I
inherited from my mother.

-Ah, yes.

Well now, Esther, am I going
to get my answer today?

-Well, I don't know, Humphrey.

-Well, I've been calling on you
for several weeks now, Esther.

-Yes, I know.

-Well, it isn't fair to
keep a man dangling forever.

-I don't mean to be
unfair, Humphrey,

but it's such a big decision.

-I know, Esther, but I must
have your answer today.

Now yes or no?

When a man gets my age, he
can't-- well, to speak frankly,

waste his time.

-All right, Humphrey.

I'll take a $ ,
policy of straight life.

-I have the application
form right here.

-But George, aren't you
going to do anything?

-Yes, I am.

I'm going to sit right here
and have another cup of coffee

if there is any.

The cat can find
her own way out.

-But I think you
ought to do something.

-Oh, Martha, you're just saying
that because you love cats.

I hate cats.

They love me, but I hate them.

-Did I tell you the cat's
going to have kittens?

-Kittens?

Oh, for Pete's sake!

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty,
kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty,

kitty.
[cat meowing]

-Miss Cathcart said she
could have them any minute.

[mr. wilson gasping]

-Here, kitty, kitty,
kitty, kitty, kitty.

-George, what if she has
her kittens in there,

and the poor little
things can't get out?

-Well, we'll just have
to get her out of there

before that can happen.

-You want me to call her?

-No, just keep out of the way.

Here, Theresa!

Here, kitty dear!

-George, let me try it.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!

-You want me to call her?

-No, Martha, we've got to
take some drastic action.

We can't let that poor cat
stay trapped in the wall.

-What are we going
to do, Mr. Wilson?

-We are not going
to do anything.

Now you just stay out of my way.

-But, George, what
are you going to do?

-I'm going to break
through the wall.

That's what I'm going to do.

-George, it's just been painted.

-Well, I can't help that.

That dear cat must be rescued.

I'm going to use
your hatchet, Dennis.

-Before you do it,
don't you want me--

-Dennis, I don't need
any help from you!

-Oh, my lovely room!

-At time of emergency, George
Wilson is a man of action.

-Hey, Mike, are you in there?

[cat meowing]

-Well, come on out.

Boy, will Mr. Wilson be happy
to see that I got you out!

-When an animal's
life is in jeopardy,

no sacrifice is too great.

-Hey, Mrs. Wilson.

[hammering wall]

-Quick, Dennis, give me the cat.

Scat!

-What are you doing?

-Dennis, this is our secret.

Mr. Wilson must
never know that he

didn't have to break
through the wall.

Promise me you will
never tell anyone.

-I promise, Mrs. Wilson.

-Martha, I've got her.

I've got the cat!

-George, I'm proud of you.

-Oh, it's nothing that
any red-blooded American

with a spark of decency
in him wouldn't have done.

Now, I want you both to
promise me something.

-What's that, Mr. Wilson?

-Not a word of this
to the newspapers.

There'd be photographers
coming around for pictures,

the Humane Society would give me
a citation, maybe even a metal.

-And you don't like fuss.

-Yes, that's right.

-Don't worry, Mr. Wilson.

We won't say a word.

-Oh.

You know, cats just love
me, But I hate them.

-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

Oh, hi, Mr. Wilson.

Look what Miss Cathcart sent ya.

-Oh.

-One of Theresa's kittens.

-We don't want it.

-But it's free.

It's a present.

-I wouldn't take it if it
were wrapped in $ bills.

-Let me see, dear.

-His name's Buster.

-Buster?

-At least it is so far.

-Oh, isn't he cute?

Look, George.

-Eh.

-Should we get him some milk?

-Yes, well, he loves it.

So do I with cookies.

-All right.

We'll look in the
cookie jar, too.

-Dumb animal.

Stupid cat.

I wouldn't own a cat if
my life depended on it.

Gee.

Cats are nothing but trouble.

Give me a dog anytime.

You're a stupid cat.

[kitten purring]

-Hey, you motor is running.

[kitten purring]

-You're a stupid little kitty.

[kitten purring]

-Yes, you are a
stupid little kitty.

-Well, George.

[mr. wilson stuttering]

-I was just looking at him.

-Do you like Buster?

-Well that's no name
for a cat, Dennis.

-Well, what shall we call him?

-Let's call him Frisky.

[laughing]
-Go on.

Have some milk.

[laughing]
-Thank you.

[laughing]

[theme music]
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