02x24 - Dennis and the Fishing Rod

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Dennis the Menace". Aired: October 4, 1959 – July 7, 1963.*
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Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.
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02x24 - Dennis and the Fishing Rod

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-[elephant sounds]

-What ever are you boys doing?

-Hi, grandma we're playing
we're circus elephants.

-Well, you and Tommy certainly
make a fine pair of elephants.

-Would you like to
play too, grandma?

I mean after you come
back from your store.

-Why, yes.

Oh, but what could I do?

-Well then you could be the
lady who feeds us peanuts.

[theme music]

-Boy that's a lot of money
to spend for a present.

-Nothing's a lot for my dad.

He's worth $ . .

My dad's worth all the
money in the world.

-So's mine.

-My dad's been giving me
money to run errands all week.

And he doesn't know
he's been helping

me to buy that new fishing rod.

Boy will he be surprised.

-Yeah, and I bet the
fish'll be surprised too.

How much does a fishing
rod cost, Dennis?

-I don't know.

But I heard Mr. Wilson
say to Mrs. Wilson they're

having the sale of
fishing rods down

at Finch's drug
store starting today.

And he said they're dirt cheap.

Come on.

I want to buy a
trout fishing rod

that he was talking about
getting, the Angler's Pal.

-Oh, yes, he was in
last week looking at it.

-How much is it, Mr. Finch?

Now let me see.

The price is and even $ .

-Boy, you'll have
enough left over

to buy us a couple
ice cream sodas.

-Don't you think
you'd better get

your dad a less expensive
present, Dennis?

-I've got to buy
him what he whats.

My dad's helped me pay for it.

-Well, you're absolutely
right, Dennis.

You're a fine-- You're
a fine boy, Dennis.

I said.

And I'm not sorry.

-Could you please wrap it up
like a gift in colored paper?

-Oh, no, non, Dennis.

I wrapped a gift package
for you last week.

And I'm still in a state
of shock over the shambles.

-But jeepers, Mr. Finch.

This is for my good old dad.

And he just loves to open
pretty gift wraps, especially

the kind you make, Mr. Finch.

-All right, Dennis,
but just this once.

-Boy, this is going
to be some surprise.

-Now this paper is very nice.

-It sure is, Mr. Finch.

-But that paper up there's even
nicer, gold paper, real gold.

-Dennis, this paper
is very handsome.

All right.

Now this is the best gift wrap
we have in the whole store.

-It's for my good
old dad, Mr. Finch.

-I want your father to
have a hilarious time,

even though I don't.

-I'll help you pick
them up, Mr. Finch.

-Here's your gold paper, Dennis.

-Could you wrap it in this
one instead, Mr. Finch?

This one has fishes on it.

-There.

There.

And there.

Here's your gift, Dennis.

-Gee, thanks, Mr. Finch.

And here's your money.

$ . .

-$ . ?

-I guess you didn't know
I knew there's $ .

tax, huh, Mr. Finch?

-That costs $ , $ .

Have you got $ , Dennis?

-He's got $ . .

And we were gonna have ice
cream sodas with the change.

-Ice cream sodas
with the change, yet.

-Jeepers, Mr. Finch, I didn't
know you meant dollars.

Mr. Wilson said
they're dirt cheap.

-Give me the rod, Dennis.

-What are you gonna
do now, Dennis?

-I've got think how I'm gonna
earn enough money to buy

that fishing rod
for good old dad.

-You know, there's nothing
like an ice cream soda

to make you think.

-Oh, here's a letter
from Alice, Henry.

-Oh, thank you, Mother.

Oh, she says her
father's improving

but it'll be several weeks
before she can leave him.

-Well, I hope she'll stay
just as long as necessary.

-Miss all of you very much.

[laughs] Especially Dennis.

She says the quiet here is
almost more than I can bear.

What's that?

-An heirloom I had
sent from home.

I thought you'd might like it.

-Oh, let's see it.

What is it?

-This is the very coat worn by
your great-grandfather, Josiah

Mitchell, the one on
the Confederate side.

-It looks like he fought
the whole w*r by himself.

-Is that camphor?

-Oh, Henry, you should
be proud to own something

that belonged to a hero
like your great-grandfather.

-A hero?

Dad always said the
great-grandpa Mitchell

was caught playing
poker on guard duty

by General Lee himself and
hauled off to the hoosegow.

-That's just merely gossip.

-Hello, Dad.

Hello, grandma.

Dad, I've got to earn some money
fast on account of it's secret.

How much will you give
me to tidy up my room?

-Well, I just came from your
room, and it's very tidy.

-Well, I can fix that.

-Dennis, your grandmother
just tidied up your room.

And I want to see that you
keep it that way, young man.

-Jeepers, isn't that beautiful?

-There, you see?

Dennis, this coat was worn by
your great-great-grandfather,

Corporal Josiah Mitchell
in the Civil w*r.

He fought under General Robert
E. Lee, a very famous general.

-You mean, my
great-great-grandpa

was friends with a real general?

-Well, sure.

They even exchanged cards.

-Grandma, could I have
this coat for my very own?

-Dennis, for Pete's sake, what
will you do with that old coat?

-I want to wear it.

It belonged to a real hero,
my own great-great-grandfather

who fought in the cereal w*r.

-Well, I'm glad somebody
around here has family pride.

-Yes, Dennis, you may wear it.

-Boy, wait till I show
this to Mr. Wilson.

-The way that smells
of moth flakes,

if you walk into
the Wilson house,

he's liable to hang
you up in the closet.

-Oh, nonsense, Henry.

Now Dennis, you wait here and
I'll stitch up the sleeve.

-Oh, and this cap goes with it.

I'll stuff it with
paper so as it'll fit.

-Gee, thanks, Grandma.

When I walk into Mr.
Wilson's house wearing this,

won't he be surprised?

-Stunned is the word.

-You know, Martha, I'll just
bet Jerry Richman hasn't

another customer in town
with an American coin

collection as complete as mine.

-George, you're not going
to buy anymore coins.

-Why, certainly, my dear.

Richman just phoned me
that he has a dime

from the San Francisco mint
and in perfect condition.

And as long as he was going to
be in the neighborhood he'd--

[doorbell ringing]

-Oh, that must be he now.

Hello, Jer--

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

-Great Scott.

It must be Halloween.

-I bet you can't guess why I
came over here, Mr. Wilson.

-No, I can't.

And Sherlock Holmes
couldn't either.

-I want to buy my
dad a trout fishing

rod for a surprise present.

But it costs an awful lot.

But you're my
friend, Mr. Wilson.

And I know you'll give me some
jobs so I can earn some money.

-Oh.

Well, Dennis, whatever
are you doing in

that ridiculous get up?

-This is the uniform
that belonged

to my great-great-grandpa
who was a real hero.

And he was a friend of General
Lee who was a real general.

-Well, if they
dressed like that,

their friends couldn't
have lasted very long.

-George, you can see the boy
is proud of that uniform,

and rightly so.

-I sure am, Mrs. Wilson.

Dad says these are moth holes.

But I bet most of
them are b*llet holes.

-Well, if they are, you're
descended from a sieve.

-George.

-All right, Dennis, you
better run along home now.

I'm expecting a visitor.

-Now, George.

Let's help the boy.

What kind of a chore can
I find for you, dear?

-Pew!

Camphor.

Martha, don't worry about
moth-proofing my clothes.

Just hang Dennis
up in the closet.

-Gee, Mr. Wilson.

How about letting me shine
your coins with silver polish.

-Dennis, don't you
touch those coins.

This is a rare and very
valuable collection.

Why these coins are
worth more than $ , .

-They are, Mr. Wilson?

-Why yes.

Now for instance, you take
this $ . piece right here.

Why this particular coin
is worth more than $ .

It's Carson City mint.

-You mean they're worth a
lot because they mint flavor?

-Dennis, a mint's the
place where money is made.

-Then why're they worth
so much, Mr. Wilson?

-Well, one reason is because
they made so very few

of these coins in first place.

-Boy, I bet if they knew
how valuable they were going

to be today they would've
made a lot more of them then,

huh, Mr. Wilson?

-Well-- Oh, all right, Dennis.

You can go.

-Yes, Mr. Wilson.

[dog whining]

-Hey, Mrs. Wilson,
how about letting

me earn some money
for my dad's surprise

present by bathing Fremont.

-Fremont is not interested in
surprising your father, Dennis.

The answer is no.

-George, Fremont needs a bath.

And it's a messy job.

-With Dennis doing it,
it'll be more than messy.

It'll be catastrophic.

Maybe I should
say dog-astrophic.

[laughs] That's rather
good, isn't it, Martha?

-Very good, dear.

All right, Dennis,
you can watch Fremont.

-Gee, thanks, Mrs. Wilson.

Hello, Fremont.

[dog whining]

-Jeepers, what's the matter with
good old Fremont, Mrs. Wilson?

-Well, I guess if you're
going to wash him,

you better take your coat off.

The smell of camphor
is rather strong.

-Rather strong?

No moth in his right mind
would eve fly near Dennis

without first
making out his will.

-Here, Fremont.

[barking]

-Gee, Mrs. Wilson.

-Well, dear, if you're
going to wash him,

I'm afraid you're going to
have to go home and take

of all your clothes and
even take a bath yourself.

-Gosh, Mrs. Wilson.

How much are you gonna
pay me for Fremont?

-$ . .

-And I've got to
take a bath first?

Jeepers, Mrs. Wilson,
it isn't worth it.

But for $ . ,
you've got a deal.

-Well, this is a
special occasion.

All right, Dennis, it's a deal.

-Gee, thanks, Mrs. Wilson.

I'll be right back.

-Oh!

Great Scott!

$ , worth of coins treated
like pennies from a piggy bank.

-I'll help you pick
them up, Mr. Wilson.

-Dennis, go home.

Better yet, go to
Cape Canaveral.

They're just wasting their
time there with rockets.

-Boy, I'll never
earn enough money

to buy that fishing rod for Dad.

Jeepers, $ .
Jeepers!

Grandma, Dad!

Look what I found in my coat,
right inside the lining.

Great-great-grandpa used
his sleeve for a bank.

-Why, Dennis.

-I know you gave me the coat,
Grandma, but how about this?

Is this mine too?

-Yes, Dennis, that
goes with the coat.

-I've never seen
one of these before.

-Thanks!

-I wonder what the
old boy was doing

with a $ Confederate
bill up his sleeve.

-Probably saving it to help
some other poor soldier in need.

-If what they say
about him is true,

he was probably saving
it to bet on who

would win the Battle
of Gettysburg.

-Oh, Henry.

-Here's your change, Mrs.
Marsh, and your gift wrap paper.

-Thank you, Mr. Finch.

-Hello, Mr. Finch.

Can you guess why I'm here?

-Yes, it's a punishment
of some kind.

Now you two boys have
got to get out of here.

This is a place of business.

-But I'm here for business.

-Dennis is rich.

-My grandma gave me $ .

And I want to buy that
fishing rod for Dad.

-Now look, Dennis.

I-- She did?

Well, you've got a
good grandma, Dennis.

-I sure have.

I've got the best grandma
in the whole world.

-I've got the best grandma
in the whole world.

-I've got the best grandma
in the whole world who

gives ya $ .

-Well, here's the rod, Dennis.

-Now you know just how
to wrap it, Mr. Finch.

-I should.

It cost me years of
my life to learn how.

I'll have it wrapped
for you in a jiffy.

There.

There.

And there it is, Dennis.

-Thanks, Mr. Finch.

And here's your money.

-What's the matter, Mr. Finch?

Are you sick or something.

-Yes, I'm sick and everything.

This is Confederate money.

It's not worth a red cent,
a blue cent, a pink cent,

or a purple cent.

Now here, go.

Get out of here.

-Guess you're
licked, huh Dennis?

-No, I'm not.

-There you are, Jerry.

-Only $ in these two
quarters for that dime.

Oh, you've done it again.

It's got a real bargain, George.

-Well, I'm a hard man
to deal with, Jerry.

Now I'll go write you
out a check for this

and put this dime in the safe.

Oh, you little beauty.

-Hello, I'm Dennis Mitchell.

Where's Mr. Wilson?

-He'll be back in a moment.

I'm Mr. Richman, a
friend of Mr. Wilson.

-Isn't it awful?

My great-great-grandpa
was a hero.

And he was a friend of General
Lee, and he made the Bull Run,

and all he had was this
worthless old money.

Boy, I bet he had trouble
when he went into a store

to buy jelly beans.

-It's from , Jefferson
Davis, no serial number.

Where did you get this?

-In his old coat.

-My boy, I'm going to help you.

Suppose I would give
you a dollar for this.

No, $ for this.

-But Mr. Finch said it
isn't worth a blue cent!

-It is to me.

It brings back memories.

You see, I used to be
a Confederate soldier.

-You were?

And any friend of General
Lee is a friend of mine.

Here, Dennis.

-$ .

Gee, thanks.

Did you know my
great-great-grandpa,

Corporal Josiah Mitchell?

-Intimately.

Now you run along, Dennis.

See Mr. Wilson later.

I have some business to
discuss with him alone.

-Sure, Mr. Richman.

This coat was worn by
my great-great-grandpa.

I recognized it the
moment you came in.

-Goodbye, Dennis.

-Thanks, Mr. Richman.

You're a real friend.

-All right, Jerry.

There is your check.
-Ah.

-Richmond ,
no serial number.

Great Scott, Jerry,
where did you get that?

-Oh, I-- I have
my little source.

-Oh, why didn't you
show it to me before?

-I didn't know you
were interested

in rare Confederate bills.

-Oh, yeah, certainly.

What's your price?

And it's too much.

-Well, it's worth $
in mint condition.

But seeing it's a
little crumpled, $ .

-$ .

I'll make you a check right now.

But don't you tell Martha.

She's likely to secede.

-I forgot my cap.

Oh, hi Mr. Wilson.

Mr. Richman's almost a good
a friend of mine as you are,

Mr. Wilson.

He gave me this $ for that
worthless Confederate bill

that Grandma gave me.

-He what?

--[chuckles] A
child's imagination.

-Mr. Richman used
to be a Confederate.

And he was a friend
of General Lee,

just like my
great-great-grandpa.

-Dennis.

-I know, go home.

-No, no, no, no.

Wait, Dennis.

Camphor.

Gerald Richman,
I'm flabbergasted

that you'd take advantage
of Dennis's ignorance.

-I'm full of ignorance,
huh, Mr. Wilson?

-Quiet, Dennis.

$ for this bill.

-Heck, Mr. Wilson, I
didn't mean to cheat him.

-Dennis, will you
be quiet, please.

-Well, if you don't
want the bill,

I know someone else who does.

-Richman, if you don't give
that bill back to Dennis,

I'll tell everybody I know.

You won't have a customer
in this whole country.

-Well, if you're going
to be stuffy about it.

-And close the
door as you leave.

-Oh, I never!

-Jeepers.

I'll never be able to buy that
fishing rod for good old Dad.

-Oh, yes you will, Dennis.

Yes, you will.

How much is that rod?

- whole dollars.

-Well, that Confederate
bill's worth

a lot more than Mr.
Richman gave you.

Suppose I give you
$ for the bill?

-$ ?

Jeepers, thanks, Mr. Wilson.

And you weren't
even a Confederate.

-Well, it's really
worth more than $ .

Should we say, $ ?

-Jeepers, Mr. Wilson, you're
the best friend in the world.

-$ ?

$ ?

Dennis, I'm going
to give you what

this is really worth
to a collector, $ .

-$ ?

Jeepers, that makes
me a millionaire!

I'll be able to retire
like you, Mr. Wilson.

I'll be the youngest
retired boy in the world.

-Well, if I were you,
I'd wait a couple years

and collect my social security.

Now I'm going to write out a
check for the money for you

to give to your father
so he can put it

in the bank account for you.

-Would you give him all
except $ , Mr. Wilson?

I want to buy him that
surprise fishing rod.

And I want you to come
down to Mr. Finch's store

when I buy it.

Because jeepers, Mr.
Wilson, you're wonderful.

Hello, Mr. Finch.

Mr. Wilson's gonna pay for
the fishing rod with my money.

-That's right, Finch.

-It's true?

It's really true?

-Sure is, Mr. Finch.

-I'm told the rod Dennis
wants is worth $ .

Now here are two s.

-Oh!

He tried to give me a
$ Confederate bill.

-Well, you should have taken it.

It's worth $ .

-But they lost!

-That apparently
is just a rumor.

-I'll get your rod, Dennis.

I haven't unwrapped it yet.

-Thanks, Mr. Finch.

And would you please give me
my change in Confederate money?

-[laughs]

TV ANNOUNCER: And now ladies and
gentlemen, I'm sure most of you

have read about the
little boy who discovered

a rare Confederate
bill worth $

in the sleeve of his
great-great-grandfather's coat.

And here is that boy, Dennis
Mitchell and leading citizen

coin collector
George Wilson, who

purchased the bill from Dennis.

Dennis, will you
show us exactly how

you discovered that rare bill?

-Sure, I just put on my
great-great-grandpa's coat

like-- Jeepers!

There's something
up this sleeve.

-Why, it's the ace of spades.

-And here are two more.

-And they're ace too.

-And up his sleeve, yet.

Great-grandfather Josiah,
the pride of the Mitchells.

[laughs]

[theme music]
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