02x30 - The Soapbox Derby

[bunniefuu]

-Hey, Grandma, have
you seen Horace?

-Have I seen who, dear?

-Horace, my turtle.

[telephone ringing]

-Oh, I'll get it, mother.

That must be the call
I put through to Alice.

-Oh, boy.

I'll get on the phone upstairs.

-Hello?

-Henry?

-Hi, honey, how are you?

-Hi, mom.

I'm on the phone in your room.

-Hello, dear.

Are you behaving yourself?

-Jeepers, and how.

The only time I'm any
better is when I'm sick.

-Oh.

-How's your father, Alice?

-Oh, his foot's coming
along nicely, dear.

-Hey, dad, you keeping anything
alive in your room up here?

-Am I what?

-Dear, what are
you talking about?

-There's a big lump moving
around in dad's bed.

-A lump?

-Hey, dad!

I found Horace!

[theme music]

-The meeting of the Elm Street
Club will now come to order.

-I'm to order.

-You don't have to
say that, Tommy.

When you're sitting down, you're
to order-- anybody knows that.

-OK, Dennis.

-Hi, kids.

What kind of dumb
game are you playing?

-We're having a club
meeting, Johnny.

Want to join?

-I got no time for
kid's stuff like that.

I'm too busy building my racer
for the big soap-box derby.

-What's that?

-You sure don't know much.

They're having a race
on Park Hill next week,

with a prize for the guy that
goes down the hill the fastest.

-In a soap box?

Jeepers, won't you
get full of splinters?

-You put wheels
on the box, dopey.

The prize is a real
keen electric train set.

-Boy, I need an
electric train set.

Could I be in the race?

-It wouldn't do you any good,
I'm going to win the prize.

-How do you know you're gonna?

-Because my dad's helping
me build my racer,

and he knows how to build
things better than anybody else.

He told me so.

-I can try to win.

-OK, if you want
to waste your time.

-Boy, the Johnny Brady
sure thinks he's smart.

-I'll show him.

I'll build a soap-box racer
that'll beat his all to pieces.

-How do you build one?

-Well, you just find a soap
box and start building.

Say, maybe good old
Mr. Wilson's got one.

Should we go ask him?

-I'd rather wait up
in the tree house.

-Wait a minute, Tommy.

The meeting's not over.

When you belong to a club,
you got to do things right.

-OK.

-The meeting of the Elm Street
Club is now out of order.

-Oh, Martha, look,
I finally got it.

The Five cent Magenta to
complete my Rhodesia set.

It's a fine, uncancelled stamp.

-That's nice, dear.

-Hello, Mr. Wilson!

-Oh!

Well, that cancels it.

Oh, Dennis, may we cut
this visit short, please?

-If you just give me a soap
box, I'll get right out.

-What do you want
with a soap box?

-I'm going to build
a racer and win

an electric train in
the soap-box derby.

-I read about that in the paper.

The Chamber of Commerce
is putting it on.

-Well, Dennis, if
you want a soap box,

you came to the wrong place.

-Where's the right place?

-Oh, for the love
of-- use your head.

What comes in a soap box?

-Soap?

-Right the first time.

And do you know
where to get soap?

-Sure.

-Well, then that's where
you'll find a soap box.

-In my bathroom?

-No, in a store
where they sell soap.

-You mean like Mr.
Quigley's market?

-Right the first time.

-That was the second time.

-Well, I lost count.

But I'm sure Mr. Quigley
will give you one

if you will ask him politely.

-Oh, boy, swell.

I'll be so polite he
won't even hardly know me.

-Dennis, what do you want?

-A soap box.

I'm going to build
a racer and win

the soap-box derby next week.

-Oh, here you are.

Now run along.

Yes, Mr. Elkin?

-Jeepers, is this a soap box?

-Well, it's a box.

Actually, tomato
juice came in it.

-I can't use this.

It's not a tomato
juice box derby.

Haven't you got
an empty soap box?

-No, I haven't.

Now, you'll have to
get one someplace else.

Yes, Mrs. Elkin.

-Maybe there's a soap
box you don't know about.

Can I look?

-Suit yourself, but
you won't find any.

-Oh, excuse me Mrs. Johnson.

-Oh, that's all right, Dennis.

-Boy, I knew I'd find one.

-Goodbye.

-Mr. Quigley, I found a
soap box right over there.

-Oh, that box just
came in, Dennis.

I've only sold a few bars.

You can't have it.

-Why not?

-Because I'll need it
until I sell the soap.

Now run along.

-When you're all through
with it, can I have it?

-It might take me a month to
sell bars of soap, Dennis.

-But the race is next week.

-Well, I can't help that.

I'll take those.

-How's, uh, Dusty, Mrs. Johnson?

-Who?

-Your boy.

We call him Dusty
because he's always

falling down and
getting it all over him.

-Why, that's awful.

-We probably wouldn't call
him that if he bathed a lot.

How about buying
bars of soap--

-Dennis.

-If I don't get that soap
box, I can't win the race.

-Pardon me, Mrs. Johnson.

-Here, it's all yours.

Now take it and go!

-I knew you'd help
me, Mr. Quigley.

You're a nice man
who likes kids.

-Hi there, Mitchell boy.

-Oh, hi, Brady.

-Say, uh, how about
doing me a little favor?

-Glad to.

What is it?

-There's an article in last
month's "Industrial Journal"

I'd like to check.

You, uh, keep your back issues?

-Sure, I've got
them all at home.

-Like to read it
over the weekend.

You going to be home tomorrow?

-You bet I am.

Saturday's the
best chance I have

to spend a little
time with Dennis.

-Dennis?

Oh sure, how is
the little toddler?

-Well, he isn't little anymore.

And I'd hardly say
he was a toddler,

unless hurricanes toddle.

-Oh, really?

Last time I saw him he
looked kind of pale and puny.

-Dennis is in perfect health.

-Well, I guess I was just
comparing him with my own boy.

What a powerhouse
that Johnny is--

a real chip off the old block.

-I'll bet he is.

-You won't find a stronger,
sturdier kid anywhere.

Am all-American boy.

You know what he's
doing right now?

-Enlisting in the Marines?

-Ha, ha, ha, very funny.

No, there's a soap-box
derby next week,

and he's already got the
winning car half-built.

It'll make those other
racers look sick.

-You seem pretty
positive that he'll win.

-I don't see how he can lose.

I'm helping him win it myself.

-Oh really, I didn't think
fathers were allowed to help.

-Well, they're not in
the national derby,

but this is just a local affair.

Yes, sir, we're a
cinch to cap the prize.

-Well, bully for you.

-Soap-box racing's a fine sport.

Too bad your little fella
isn't, uh, husky enough for it.

-Yes, unfortunate.

-Well, he must take after you.

You're no Tarzan yourself.

Uh, see you tomorrow,
Mitchell boy.

-He's having a lot of fun.

There it is.

-Oh, so Dennis is all
steamed up about winning

that soap-box derby, huh?
-That's all he talks about.

He's out now scouring the
neighborhood for wheels.

-Oh, I'm tickled to death.

That'll show that Brady that
my son's not so pale and puny.

-Did Mr. Brady
actually say that?

-From the top of
his leather lungs.

This will quiet him down when
Dennis beats that overgrown

hulk of a kid of his next week.
-Oh, Henry.

-Gram-- oh, hi, dad!

-Hi, son!

-Gee, I'm glad you're home.

Have you got any wheels.

-Well, not on me.

-You know what that is?

It's a soap box, and I'm
going to put wheels on it.

And next week, I'm going
to ride it down Park Hill

and win an electric train.

-I know, grandma
told me all about it.

Say, uh, how'd you like
me to help you build it?

-Oh, boy!

That'd be swell!

Come on, let's get started.

-No, no, no, hold it!

Just take it easy.

It's too late to do
anything tonight.

But, uh, tomorrow's
Saturday, and we'll

get to work bright and
early in the morning, OK?

-Isn't there something
we can do right now?

-Well, um, I'll call
the hardware store

and see what kind
of wheels they have.

Don't you worry, we'll
have a first class racer

before you know it.

-We sure will.

I'm going over and tell good
old Mr. Wilson about it.

And we're starting bright
and early in the morning,

and it's going to
be first class.

-Isn't that nice, dear?

-Oh, that's fine, fine.

-Would you like to help
me and dad build it?

-Well, thank you Dennis,
but I'll be very busy here.

-Doing what?

-Well, I haven't
made up my mind yet.

Now, I'm sure your dinner
must be ready for you.

-OK.

Watch, this is how I'll
go zooming down Park Hill

next week.
Rrrrrr!

-Of all the ridiculous things--
asking if I'd like to help

them build a soap-box racer.

-Well, I don't know George.

It might be a good idea.

You've sort of
been at loose ends

lately looking for
something to do.

-Well, I'm certainly not
looking for anything as childish

as that, my dear.

I might as well take up
hopscotch or mumblety-peg.

-Well, it was just a suggestion.

We'll forget about it.

-Me, build a silly
soap-box racer?

But if I did build
one, Martha, it'd

be a lot better than
anything they throw together.

-I'm sure it would.

-Oh, you should have
seen the soap-box racers

I built when I was a
lad-- smooth, graceful.

I'd jump in and sail down
those hills like a big bird.

Oh, but those days are past.

-Would you want them back?

-Oh, don't talk
nonsense, Martha.

I'm a responsible adult--
a man of mature dignity.

Naturally, I no longer have
the same reactions or emotions

I had years ago, or
say even years ago.

No, everything has changed.

-Everything, George?

-Oh, well, of course, my
dear, there are exceptions.

-Boy, this is going to
be the swellest racer

in the whole world.

-Oh, here, let me help you.

-I bet I'll go down that old
hill about miles an hour.

-Well, more or less.

-Well, I'll drive
that one for you, dad.

-OK.

-Gee whiz, these are the
bendiest nails I ever saw.

-They sure are.

I tell you what, we
need some more wood.

Why don't you take your hammer
and go knock that box apart

for me?
-OK, dad.

I'm sure glad you're helping me.

I never would get
this racer built

if you weren't helping out.

[hammering]

-Mitchell is certainly
making enough noise

with that silly
soap-box racer of his.

Why, I could build
a five-room house

with less hammering than that.

-Why don't you go over
and help them, George?

-Martha, I told you last
night, that kind of foolishness

is just a silly waste
of time for a grown man.

Besides, Mitchell
hasn't asked me.

-You know he'd be glad
to have you, dear.

-Martha I am not the type
who forces himself on people.

Goodness knows, he could
use some expert help.

Ha, why, Mitchell can't
even drive a nail straight.

-Well, maybe his tools aren't
as good as yours, dear.

Maybe if he had your tools--

-Martha, why, that's a
very neighborly idea.

Why, the least I can do is
let him borrow my tools.

I'll go down to the
basement right now and--

-I brought them up for you this
morning, dear, just in case.

-Oh, Martha.

-Gee, you sure are nice to
lend us your tools, Mr. Wilson.

-Yes, we'll take
good care of them.

Well, we just got our hood
on-- took a bit of doing.

What do you think of
our little racer so far?

-Well, as long as
you asked me, you're

doing the whole thing wrong.

-We are?

Gee, do you think we
better start all over?

-Well, uh, I don't think
it's necessary to--

-The first thing
you've got to do,

Mitchell, is
streamline this hood.

-Oh, boy, I'd love to
have a streamlined hood.

Let's streamline it, dad.

-Well, I, I could
cut it down a little.

I just hate to waste the time--

-Oh, no trouble
at all, Mitchell.

No trouble at all, I'll
be glad to show you.

Now look--

Oh, I'll get it, Mitchell.

-Oh, boy, that sure
is streamlined.

-Oh, it'll practically eliminate
wind resistance when we--

-Henry, here's Mr. Brady.

-Oh, hi, Brady.

-Your mother gave me
that magazine I wanted,

Mitchell boy, just
came out to say thanks.

-That's OK.

-Dennis, I want you
to go to the market.

I need some sugar right away.

-Oh, grandma.

-To finish baking some cookies.

-Well, OK.

Oh, Mr. Brady, tell Johnny I'm
building a soap-box racer, too.

-Is that a racer?

I thought you guys were
building a wheelbarrow.

-What do you mean?

Of course this
isn't a wheelbarrow.

-Well, if you turn it over
and put some handles on it,

it'd sure make a good one.

-Well, it's obvious
you know nothing

about basic racer
design, Brady, or you

wouldn't make a crack like that.

-He's just joking, Mr. Wilson.

-Sure, but, uh,
seriously Mitchell,

I'd keep that little boy of
yours out of it if I were you.

I mean, I'd hate to
see the kid crying

when my boy sweeps the field.

-Oh now, look, you don't have
to worry about my son crying.

-Of course not.

Dennis is just a good
a loser as anybody.

Oh, I mean, no, Dennis is
going to be the winner.

-I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

-In that hunk of junk?

Would you care to make
a little bet, Mitchell?

-Well, I--

-You're darn right he'd
like to make a little bet.

Go on and tell him, Mitchell.

-Well, Mr. Wilson,
I don't think so--

-Scared, huh?

I thought so.

-I'm not scared,
it's just that I--

-Of course he's
not scared, he just

hates to take your
money, that's all.

-Yeah.

No, that's not it!

-But he will take your money.

You just name it, Brady.

-All right, I'll bet
you $ , Mitchell.

-$ , that's pretty steep.

-Of course it's pretty cheap.

If you're going to make
a bet with a man, Brady,

make a bet with him.

Put your money
where your mouth is.

-He's the one who's trying
to back out of this.

I always did say you
were chicken, Mitchell,

and this proves it.

-Oh, is that so?

Well, we'll just
see who's chicken.

I'll take that $ bet.

-Care to make it $ ?

-Why no?

-What are you, a piker?

If you're so darn brave,
why don't you make it $ ?

-I will make it $ .

-$ !

Right, Mitchell.

-Well, I--

-$ that our car goes
faster than his car does,

and I'm a witness to that.

-That's a deal.

I'll see you at the
soap-box derby, Mitchell,

and bring your $ with you.

-Duh.

-$ , $ bet?

I must be out of my mind.

-Hm?

Oh, well, you did seem to
get a little bit carried

away there, Mitchell.

But, but, don't you worry.

I'm with you all the way.

-It looks a lot better than
yesterday, doesn't it dad?

-Yeah.

-Mitchell, you'll never get
it nailed properly that way.

Come here, help me.

Help me lift it up
onto the sawhorses.

-Boy, Mr. Wilson knows
everything about building cars,

huh dad?

-Yes, I don't know what
we'd do without him.

-Careful construction,
that's the key.

Yes, sir.

Everything good and solid.

We want this thing
safe as well as speedy.

Heh, hey, that ought to hold it.

Now, let's--

-Hey, look at that!

You know what, Mr. Wilson,
you nailed it to the sawhorse.

-My, the racer looks wonderful.

George, your lunch is ready.

-Be with you in
a minute, Martha.

-We're sure getting it
painted swell, aren't we?

-Yes, you're getting
everything painted, Dennis.

-He usually manages to get
most of the paint on himself,

you know how it is with kids.

-Yes, they're all alike.

Come along, dear.

I think you boys did
a fine job, and I'm

sure Dennis will win tomorrow.

-He didn't want to leave
it in the garage all night.

Somebody might
steal it, he said.

-Where is Dennis, mother?

-Oh, he'll be right here.

I took him downtown
today, and he

has a little surprise for you.

And when you see--

-Grandma, I'm ready!

-Come on down, dear.

-How do I look?

-Wow!
-Well.

-Wonderful.

Just wonderful.

-And the winner is, car number
with Dennis Mitchell driving.

Yippee!
[applause]

-Mickey went down that
hill like a streak.

Did you see it?

-Boy, he really took off.

-Yes.

-Isn't it exciting?

ANNOUNCER (OFFSCREEN):
Car number ,

Mickey Haskell driving.

and / seconds.

-That's no threat.

The fastest time so far
is still seconds.

-Dennis ought to be able
to beat that, I hope.

Of course, the one I really
want him to beat is--

ANNOUNCER (OFFSCREEN): The
next entry is car number

, Johnny Brady driving.

-That's the one.

-Here we go, son.

-Boy, that sure is as
well looking car, Johnny.

-Sure, what'd you expect?

-That's the car
that's going to take

your money, Mitchell--
the Brady Special.

-It'll take more than
looks to win, Brady.

It's the fastest car,
remember, not the prettiest.

-I tell you what, Dennis, just
so you won't feel too bad,

I'll let you have a look at
my electric train after I win.

-Swell, Johnny.

And if I win, I'll
let you look at it.

[cheers]

-Come on!

Come on, boy!

[cheers]

ANNOUNCER (OFFSCREEN):
Car number ,

Johnny Brady driving.

The time is and / seconds.

-Wow!

and a half,
that's the winner.

You want to pay
off now, Mitchell?

-The race isn't over yet, Brady.

The fast car hasn't run yet.

-Ha, ha, ha.
-I'm next, dad.

I'm the last one.

Come on.

-Get that oil can, Tommy.

-Good luck, Dennis.

Be careful and
don't go too fast.

-What?

-I mean, be careful.

-I will, Mrs. Wilson.

Oh, boy!

-Oh, just a minute, Dennis.

Mitchell, get that
back wheel, will you?

I've got to give Dennis some
last minute instructions.

ANNOUNCER (OFFSCREEN):
The last entry

is car number , driven
by Dennis Mitchell.

-Oh, that's us, Dennis.

Now listen to me, this
is very important.

-Yes, sir?

-Now, when you
get in that car, I

want you to sit low and
eliminate all possible wind

resistance.

-Sit low and do what?

-Eliminate wind resistance.

You see, the airflow over
the body creates drag.

Now, we want a silhouette that
offers as little resistance,

aerodynamically, as possible.

Because we-- oh, I'm not
getting through to you.

Dennis, look, here, I'll
show you how to sit.

-Swell, Mr. Wilson.

You show me and
I'll do it because--

-Oh, for heaven's sakes.
-What's the matter?

-Oh, there's a loose
nail here, Dennis.

Hurry up, hand me a hammer.

-We didn't bring a
hammer, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh, well then, hand
me a board or anything

that I can drive this
nail-- anything at all.

-Here you are, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh, no!

-Wow, look at him go!

Sit low, Mr. Wilson!

Sit low!

Gee, he told me to hand
him that board, dad.

I didn't know good
old Mr. Wilson was

going to be in the race himself.

ANNOUNCER (OFFSCREEN):

comes, car number
, Dennis Mitchell.

[cheers]

-It looks like-- yes,
it is, a record time!

Car number has just made
the run in and / seconds.

Driven by--

[laughing]

Who is driving that car?
[laughing]

-Oh, how embarrassing.

Let me out of this thing.

Great Scott!

Oh, oh!

-Just look at it,
Martha, plastered right

on the front page.

-The oldest soap-box
derby driver in history.

Oh dear.

-He sure looks like a real
race driver, doesn't he, dad?

-Yes, he does, son.

Now, you run out
and play with Tommy.

-I'm going to hang this picture
on my wall right over my bed.

So will you autograph
it for me, Mr. Wilson?

-Oh, well, now, Dennis,
I-- you, you really

do want my autograph, do you?

-Sure I do.

You're the only real
celebrity I know.

-Well, all right, Dennis.

I'll be glad to
autograph it for you.

I'm just sorry that
everything got so messed up

and your car was disqualified,
and that Johnny Brady

won the prize.

-Oh, that's all
right, Mr. Wilson.

-He doesn't mind a bit.

-Heck no.

I guess it's kind of a good
thing that Johnny won anyhow.

His dad gets awful mad at
him when he doesn't win.

[doorbell]
Oh, I'll get it.

-I know how you
feel, Mr. Wilson,

but you did a
great thing for me.

Why, it was your ride that
won the bet from Brady.

-$ !

-Ha, ha!

He kicked like a
steer, the sorehead,

but I made him pay up.

The fastest car in the race--
that was the bet, nothing

was said about who drove it.

-And you looked
wonderful, dear--

like a regular Barney Oldfield.

-I told you I was
going to win, Dennis.

Boy, you sure goofed.

-Is that your electric train?

Let's see it.

-It's got an engine
with three cars.

And when I put the
track together,

it'll go clear
around in a circle.

-Oh no, don't touch it.

Nobody plays with
this train but me.

-That's OK, Johnny.

I'll play with my
own electric train.

-Yours?
You got one, too?

You got one, too?
-Sure.

[train whistle]

[train whistle]

Isn't that a dandy?

It cost $ .

-$ ?

Where'd you get that much money?

-From your dad.

-What?

-He gave it to my
dad for a present

because good old Mr. Wilson
rode my racer so fast.

[train whistle]