02x36 - The Pioneers

[bunniefuu]

-Dad!

-Yeah, son?

-Hey, dad, would
you be proud of me

if I just did a
baseball over feet?

-Boy, I sure would be.

How do you know it was feet?

-Because that's how far
Miss Cathcart's front window

is from home plate.

-Oh.

Dennis!

[theme music]

-Pioneer blood is thinning out.

Krinkie's at it again
with these editorials.

The men of this town area
generation of weaklings.

MARTHA (OFFSCREEN): George,
your eggs are ready.

-Soft and flabby, pampered.

-What was that, dear?

-Coddled.

-I thought you wanted
them scrambled.

-No, no, no, I mean this
newspaper I'm reading.

That confounded Krinkie
is still pounding away

with his insulting editorials
and I'm getting sick of it.

-Yes, dear.

-Listen to this.

Just listen.

The grandsons of those hardy
pioneers who built this town

have grown fat
and soft and lazy.

That's me he's talking about.
-Don't let that--

-Take away their television,
their warm comfortable homes,

their telephones, and their
neighborhood grocery store,

and they'd starve to
death in hours.

Tah!

We have all forgotten how
to live off the land the way

our ancestors did.

-Your eggs are getting cold.

-Well my temper is boiling.

-You musn't take Mr.
Krinkie's editorial

as a personal insult, George.

He doesn't mean you.

-Why of course he does, Martha.

He means every son of
a pioneer in this town.

Well, by golly, Krinkie's going
to hear for me about this.

-Fine.

But first have your--

-I'll write a
letter to the editor

that'll sting his ears off.

-Seriously, Henry, with all
the modern conveniences,

men generally just
aren't as tough

as they were years ago.

You know that.

I think Mr. Krinkie
has a very good point.

-I think he's got a head
full of sawdust, myself.

Anyway, Wilson's
sure telling him off

and I'm delighted to see it.

-Well, what does he say?

Read it to me.

-Well, it says here,
"My grandfather

lived on this land, Mr.
Krinkie, like other brave man.

He built his home with his
life and with his hands

and this heart."

-Oh, that's good.

-"And any red blooded descendant
of those hardy pioneers could

do it again if need be.

Plenty of men in
this town could take

a knife an axe and a fishin
grod and live off the land

just like our forefathers did.

I am sick of your slurs
and insults, Mr. Krinkie,

and for $ . I'd show you
myself how it can be done."

You tell them, Mr. Wilson.

-Good old Mr. on.

-I don't think Mr.
Wilson or anyone else

could live off the land
with just a knife, a fishing

pole, and an axe these days.

-Robinson Crusoe did.

-Well, in books you can live
off the land with nothing.

What does Mr. Krinkie say?

Does he answer him?

-Oh yes.

He says.

-"I will not only give
you $ . , Mr. Wilson,

but this paper will
furnish the knife,

the axe, and the fishing rod.

Pick your own time,
any three days

you like, and let's see
you live off the land

like your pioneer
great grandfather did."

-Goodness.

-"The gauntlet is down.

Prove to our readers
and to the world

that modern man is
not a cream puff."

Well of all the gall.

-I don't think Mr. Krinkie
really means anything.

He's just trying to tease you.

-He's trying to
make me the laughing

stock of this
whole town, Martha.

-Oh, I wouldn't worry.

-The gauntlet is down.

Well, I can't let a challenge
like that go unanswered,

and by golly I won't.

-Now, don't get upset, dear.

We're almost out of
your nerve medicine.

-I am not upset, Martha.

I am mad.

But don't you worry, my dear.

We'll make out all right.

We'll get through those
three days just fine.

-We?

Which we did you have in mind?

[doorbell ringing]

-Well, naturally I, well, I
just assumed that wherever

I go that my wife would.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh, hello, Mitchell.

-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

I want to congratulate
you, Mr. Wilson.

That Krinkie had to be told
off, and it's a pleasure

to be the neighbor of
the man who did it.

-Thank you, Mitchell.

You're very kind.

Martha and I go into
this quite unafraid

and completely determined.

-Really, George, I don't
think you should count on me.

-But Martha, you don't expect
me to go off into the woods

all by myself.

I've got to have somebody.

-Of course you do, dear.

But not me.

-I just wish you were
planning on going

at a time when I could get away.

I'd love to.

-Oh, well I am, I am.

That's exactly when I'm going.

When can you get away?

-I don't know.

I was planning on taking
a few days off this week,

but that's no good.

-No good, why, that's perfect.

Did you hear, Martha?

Mitchell's going with me.

Why, we leave tomorrow.

-Oh, good.

-Well, I wish I could,
but I promised Dennis.

-Yes sir, we'll show
Krinkie that the blood

of the pioneers-- Dennis?

What about Dennis?

-Dennis has a holiday
coming up this week

and I promised to take him
on a little trip some place.

-No.

Well can't you postpone
it or get out of some way?

Oh, I guess he wouldn't hold
still for that, would he?

-No, I promised.

Gee, I wish there was some way.

-Well, why couldn't you
boys take Dennis with you?

He'd love to camp out.

-Yeah, I'm sure Dennis would it.

I don't know.

I'm afraid pioneer
life's a little too

rough for a youngster.

-Oh, yes, Martha.

Much too rough.

Why, we have to
live off the land,

you know, find our own food.

-Well, you certainly could
take food along for Dennis.

Mr. Krinkie wouldn't expect him
to be a pioneer and go hungry.

Just you two.

-Why, by golly, Martha, that
sounds like a fine idea.

We wouldn't even have
to touch Dennis's food.

-Why, that'd be perfect.

Dennis can take
his own food supply

and you and I will
live off the land.

-Spoken like a true pioneer.

We have a deal.

Boy, Dennis will just about
flip when I tell him this.

-Good, a great going away shot.

But the one Krinkie
really wants to see

is the picture of
Mr. Wilson when

he comes dragging home
in a couple of days.

-Well, I might just
stay out there a week

or two to show up that
Krinkie a little more.

-Frankly, he expects you back
tomorrow morning, Mr. Wilson.

-I wouldn't depend on that.

-No, sir.

We might not ever come back.
-Well.

[laughter]

-How about one more picture out
in the driveway with the ladies

waving goodbye?

-Good, then I'll [inaudible].

Let's go.

-Boy, this is a
swell place, dad.

Can I go skip rocks on the lake?

-Well, you'd better help
us unpack first, son.

-Oh, on a trip like this,
everybody works, Dennis.

Here's the key to the trunk.

-Oh, there's a lot to do
before it gets dark, son.

-Yes sir.

First thing we've got to
do is get the tent set up.

And then Mitchell, you
can chop some firewood,

Dennis you can fill up the
water bucket while I get down

to the lake and catch us a
mess of trout for dinner.

That's the main
thing, you know, food.

-Holy smoke, your
mother certainly

packed enough food for you, son.

-Yeah, she knows what
a good eater I am.

-Why, that's enough for an army.

Surely he doesn't-- Whats this?

-I don't know.

It's in your wife's handwriting.

-Hmm.

"In case the going
gets too rough,

we hope this food
will be enough."

-Hey, that's a poem.

-For Pete's sake, they don't
have much faith in us, do they?

-No.

"Boys, don't take Mr.
Krinkie's challenge

too seriously, please.

It's not worth
getting sick about.

Take care of yourselves
and bon appetite."

-And they both signed it.

Ha!

-Hey, does that mean we're
all going to eat this?

-Why absolutely not, Dennis.

That basket is yours.

I have my axe, my knife,
and my fishing rod,

and that's the way your dad
and I are going the live.

-Off the land.

Yes sir.
-Right.

That's a good looking pear.

-I'm a nectarine man, myself.

-Well, this is the
life, Mitchell.

Yes sir, I tell you by the
time that sun sets tonight,

we'll be squatting in
front of our campfire

with a skillet full of the
juiciest trout you ever saw.

-Fire's almost out.

Should I put some
more wood on it?

-Why?

-In case we catch a fish later.

-Oh, well, there will be no
more fishing tonight, Dennis.

Fish sleep too, you know.

-They must have been sleeping
before, when you were fishing.

-Yeah, they certainly
weren't biting today.

-Well, we just got too
late a start, that's all.

Bright and early is
the time to fish.

-Boy, I had my face
fixed for trout.

-Well, don't you
worry, Mitchell.

Tomorrow we'll eat like kings.

Why, that lake is full of fish.

-Yeah, we'll get out early.

-That's right.

I'll even show you how to
make a rabbit trap, Mitchell.

-Gosh, are there
rabbits around here too?

-Why of course.

Why, there are all kinds
of animals in these woods.

Ah, fish for breakfast tomorrow
and a nice fried rabbit dinner.

How does that sound, huh?

-Well, it sounds great, but
you better fry two of them.

I could eat one by myself.

-Hold this a minute, Mr. Wilson.

I better keep my stuff in here
if there's animals around.

I don't want any rabbits
eating mom's chocolate cake.

-You're going to leave
it here all night?

-I sure am.

Where you going, Mr. Wilson?

-I'm going to sleep outside.

Night, Mitchell.

Well, [inaudible].

-When do they start biting?

-Oh, they'll get
hungry in a minute.

-It's been four hours already.

I'm starving.

-Hey dad, here
comes Mr. Kowalski.

-Oh, no.

-Hi, Dennis.

-Hi, Mr. Kowalski.

-Well, how are Lewis
and Clark doing today?

-Kowalski, what
are you doing here?

-Oh, Krinkie sent me up to sh**t
a lot of stuff of you fellas.

Thinks we've got a good
picture layout here.

-Are you going to live off the
land like dad and Mr. Wilson?

-Me?

I'm going to live off the
fat of the land, Dennis.

I got a big trailer bus
up in the parking place,

right next to you, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh, you don't say?

-Yeah, got everything
I need right in it.

I got a stove, an icebox, good
comfortable bed, running water,

electricity, TV, the works.

-You go ahead and fish.

I'm going to explore
the woods a little.

-Good.

-Ought to be able
to find some berries

or something to tide us over.

-Look for wild
strawberries, Mitchell.

They grow on tiny little--

-You got a strike!

Hey!

-Oh!

Oh look at him bend
this rod, Mitchell!

He must be a big one.

-It's a whopper.

-Lunch and dinner.

-You'll bust your pole!

-Now, stay here, Dennis.

Plain and easy, he's big.

-Man oh man.

Get your camera
ready, Kowalski f/

ths if you want
to stop this action.

-Pull!

Pull his head up!

Keep his head up!

-I'll hold him.

-Drag him in.

-Don't horse him, though.

-Oh I wish I had a net.

Oh, I think he's
coming, Mitchell.

Oh, just hope the
rod doesn't break.

Ooh, if I could just get
my hands in his gills.

-This sure beats berry picking.

Hang on to him.

-I'll bet this is the
biggest bass in the lake.

Yeah.

Well, he's coming here.

Oh, here.

Here, Mitchell, help me.

Give me a hand.

Now.

We'll have him in a minute.

Oh, he's either a
bass or a trout.

Don't let go, don't
let go, don't let go.

Oh no!

-He's a milk can!

-[laughs]

-Come on, Dennis,
Let's go hunt berries.

-I don't know what these
berries are, Mitchell,

but they're not bad.

Not bad at all.

-Dennis tried them,
didn't you, son?

-I ate two of them.

They're all right,
I guess, if you

don't have anything else to eat.

-Well, Dennis, berries
are very nutritious.

I feel stronger already.

-Hold it.

That'll make a great picture.

I even got a caption for it.

Pioneers eat first square
meal, round berries.

-This sure is a wonderful trip
you brought us on, Mr. Wilson.

-Well, Mitchell,
we'll never make

a living just sitting here.

-That's for sure.

Let's go get that
rabbit trap set up, huh?

-Right.

And we'll bait the rod
again and put it out.

-Say, I haven't got a
picture of you fellas

in front of the tent.

Hey, come on, line up there.

-Boy, I sure will be glad to
see these pictures in the paper,

because then I can see how much
fun I'm having and all the--

-Dennis, you're
standing on my foot.

-Put your hand up on the
tent pole there, Mr. Wilson,

give me a little smile.

Say cheese, Dennis.

-Now, look, Kowalski
we have things--

-[laughs]

-Here we are, Mitchell.

I got us another clump
of this stuff here.

All of this is definitely
rabbit country around here.

Oh, yeah, this is going
to work just fine.

-Well, I hope so.

-Oh, you'll see. this is
a well worn rabbit track.

I can tell that.

Snare's just right.

That's fine.

Wouldn't it be wonderful
to come around dinner time

and find that we've caught
us a nice, big, fat rabbit?

-It sure would.

As A matter of fact,
I'd be just as happy

if we could trap
some ham and eggs.

-There.

that'll do it.

Good.
Fine.

Thank you, Mitchell.

We'll just leave this here,
come back around dinnertime.

-We should have baited that hook
with worms in the first place.

-Oh, yes.

Fly fishing is all
right for sport,

but when you're really hungry,
there's nothing like worms.

For bait, I mean.

-I'll go chop some wood and get
a good fire going for dinner.

I got a feeling
our luck's changed.

-I think so to, Mitchell.

-Careful, Mr. Wilson,
don't let them burn.

-They sure look
good, Mr. Wilson.

Nice and brown.

-I think they're ready now.

-You found something, huh?

What's cooking?

-Berries.

-Yeah.

Mr. Wilson fried them tonight.

Can I have some, dad?

I never tasted fried
berries before.

-Sure.

-Ugh!

They're even worse fried.

-Any time you fellas want
to give up, just holler.

I got a nice leg
of lamb up there

I'm saving for just
such an occasion.

-What do you mean, give up?

-Oh, I didn't mean to
insult you, Mr. Wilson.

-A leg of lamb?

-My pioneer ancestors lived
off this land with nothing

but their bare hands.

And by golly, we can too.

-You sure can, can't you, dad?

We'll show Mr.
Krinkie all right.

-Oh, yeah, you bet we will, son.

-Why, mother nature
provides her children

with plenty of food Kowalski.

All we have to do is find it.

-And tomorrow morning
I'm going to help you.

I'll find plenty of stuff
for you to eat, dad.

Night, Mr. Wilson.

-Good night, Dennis.

-I'm going to watch
The Late Show on TV.

Garbo's on tonight.

-Well bully for her.
-Yep.

You give me an hour of Garbo and
a couple of cans of cold beer

and I can sleep like a baby.

Good night.

-Blowhard.

-I think I'll skip the
berries, tonight, Mr. Wilson.

Just have a nice
cold can of water--

I mean a cold drink of
water and go to bed.

Night.

-Night, Mitchell.

Oh, Mitchell, did you check
the trap, the rabbit trap?

-Nothing.
It wasn't even touched.

Any fish?

-No.

They stole the bait on us.

Where's Dennis?

He's got to dig us
some more worms.

Oh, I haven't got the strength.

-He's out climbing
trees or something.

He's having a ball.

-You know, Mitchell,
I'm beginning

to be sorry I
started this thing.

-Oh, we'll make it
all right, Mr. Wilson.

All we have to do is get
through today and tonight

and half of tomorrow and--
that's a long time, isn't it?

-Awfully long.
-Something will happen.

I've got water
boiling over there.

It's all ready.

All we have to do is find
something to put into it.

-Well by golly, I'm
not going to give up.

I'll make Krinkie eat
his confounded newspaper

if it's the last
thing I-- Hey, look.

A peanut.

-Must be one of Kowalski's.

Let's split it.

It was lucky a squirrel
didn't get here ahead of us.

-Right.
We'll split it even.

Half for you, half--
wait a minute.

I've got an idea.

Now suppose I leave this nut
where a squirrel will find it.

Now, he'll race
to the place where

he stores the nuts
with it, right?

-Uh, probably.

-And I'll be right behind
him with a long time

to reach in and grab
the stored goodies.

-It sounds kind of
silly, Mr. Wilson,

you chasing after a
little squirrel like that.

-Oh, but I've got
to try it, Mitchell.

Oh, these are times
that try men's stomachs.

Oh, lost him.

Hey, apples!

Oh, oh, manna from heaven!

Oh, nice ripe apples.

Oh, oh.

This will save our lives.

-Hey, you.

Get out of that tree.

-Oh, hello there.

-You don't get out
of the tree, I'll

fill your britches
with buckshot.

-Yes, sir.

Coming right down.

I, uh, I, uh, I didn't
know that-- well, I

thought this orchard
was abandoned.

I wasn't really looking
for apples, anyhow.

I'm looking for a squirrel.

-I don't allow hunting
on my property either.

You [inaudible] city fellas are
always tromping around my land.

-Oh, I'm not hunting.

I'm looking for
something to eat.

Anything.

I'm starving.

-Here.

Now get off my land.

-Yes sir.

I'm going.

I'm going.

-I'm hungrier now
than I was before.

-I don't know about
you, Mitchell,

but this is just about
the last straw for me.

-Hold it.

Hold it.

That will make a great shot.

That's it, Mr. Wilson.

Just look at the apple core
and give me a big smile.

-Smile?

If I had the strength,
I'd poke you in the nose.

-Oh, great.

Oh, Krinkie's going to
love this whole layout.

Oh, it's got heart.

-I can't stand it any longer.

I'm starting.

-I don't think I can either.

-I didn't think you guys
would last this long, myself.

You know, Krinkie thought
you'd be back yesterday.

-I think I'd have given up long
ago if it wasn't for Dennis.

I just don't know how to
explain to him that we can't--

-That bothers me more
than anything, Mitchell.

Why, he thinks
we're both heroes.

-Heroes get hungry.

Oh, you guys done good.

Come on now.

Give up.

Grab a sandwich and a slab
of that chocolate cake

there apiece and I'll
grab your picture.

-Well, I, I-- oh, I don't know.

-Well, that's the picture
that Krinkie wanted anyhow.

Get a good shot of Mr. Wilson
when he gives up, Krinkie said.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Gives up?

You mean give up being pioneers?

-Well son, I--

-My dad and Mr.
Wilson never give up.

I bet they could live
of the land for years

if they wanted to.

-Sure they could.

If they wanted to.

Come on now.

Grab a sandwich there.

-Heck, with all the fish
down there on that lake,

anybody could.

Come on, dad, let me show you.

-Role Dennis, we know there
are plenty of fish in the lake,

but we just can't
catch them, son.

We've tried our best and
we've got to have food.

-We've just been trying
in the wrong place, dad.

You can catch these
fish, all right.

Come on!

Now look in there.

-Huh?

Great Scott!

-What is it?

-Fish!
A whole mess of them.

-Wow!

Look at that.

Let's dump them out.

-Yes!

Dennis, you saved the day!

-I didn't do anything, dad.

Mr. Wilson caught the milk can.

-Why, by golly, I did at that.

And I never had a tougher fight
with a fishing rod in my life.

-I knew he had something
big on that line.

-Look at those beautiful trout!

of them!

- trout on one single cast.

Well, my pioneer
great grandfather

never caught fish like that.

[laughing]

-Well, I am full.

-Me too.

-I told you I'd show
Krinkie, didn't I?

-Oh, you certainly
did, Mr. Wilson.

-And we have enough
fish to last us.

The next hours
will be a cinch.

-Boy, will Mr. Krinkie
see how wrong he was.

-Oh, I knew all
along we could do it.

Mr. Kowalski, how about getting
a picture of the pioneer

party in our moment of triumph?

-As soon as I
swallow. hate to take

a picture with food in my mouth.

-Why don't you get
into this one with us?

Just set it on a*t*matic
timer at f/ again

and you're in business.

-Say cheese!
-Cheese!

[theme music]