03x02 - Best Neighbor

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Dennis the Menace". Aired: October 4, 1959 – July 7, 1963.*
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Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.
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03x02 - Best Neighbor

Post by bunniefuu »

[theme music]

-You see, Dennis, when

I pull back and forth

on this rope, why the

bricks tied to the other end

clean the chimney.

-Gosh, Mr. Wilson.

How'd you ever think of that?

-Oh, it's something

I learned from my dad

back on the farm

in Pennsylvania.

-Can I help you pull

it back and forth?

-Well no, Dennis,

but-- well here.

You can hold it for me.

Good and tight now.

While I go put this

basket in the fireplace

to catch the soot.

-Thanks, Mr. Wilson.

-Maybe when I come back, you can

pull it back and forth for me.

-Hurry back.

-Hi, Dennis.

-Hi, Jimmy.

-Whatcha doing Dennis?

-Holding this rope

for Mr. Wilson.

-Whatcha got there, Jimmy?

-It's a secret.

I'm not supposed

to show anybody.

-Not even your

absolute best friend?

-Well if you don't tell anybody.

-Not even if they t*rture me.

-Ready?

-Jimmy.

Jeepers.

-Dennis Mitchell!

I don't want ever to see you on

this side of that fence again.

This is my property.

That is your property.

Children.

OH, why can't everybody be

born an adult like I was.

[theme music]

-Honey, I'm home.

-Hi, dear.

What's that?

I think you're smuggling

rocks home from the office.

-You know better

than that, honey.

The only rocks I smuggle

around are the ones in my head.

This is work.

And I gotta get it out tonight.

And I gotta get it out tonight.

-Tonight?

Oh, I'm going to have to have

a talk with that boss of yours.

-Well, you can't

blame him this time.

Those are the new lighting plans

for the neighborhood clubhouse.

-Dad, you're home.

-Hi, son.

-Dad, will you do it?

Did you ask him mom?

-Well, I--

-About helping me join

a new club at school.

The junior pathfinders.

-Oh.

-Our history teacher,

Mr. Abernathy.

He's starting it.

-Will, I better start

supper while you two braves

have a powwow.

-Please, dad?

To get in the club,

I have to camp out

one night on top

of lookout ridge.

-Lookout ridge?

That's a mountain, son.

You can't camp out there.

I have to.

Just like the Indians did.

Mr. Abernathy knows all

about how the Indians live.

-Are you sure you want to know

all about how the Indians live?

-Jeepers, if I don't

know Indian stuff.

What will I do in an emergency?

I couldn't even find my

way over to Mr. Wilson's.

-I doubt that that will happen.

Some night soon.

I

-It has to be tonight, Dad.

-Why?

-I only found out today

because I wasn't there

last week when announced it.

I have to get in the

club by tomorrow,

or wait until next term.

-I'm sorry, son.

I'd like to.

But I've got all

this work to do.

-But Dad?

-Son, I'm sorry.

The man's coming for

this work tonight.

-I'll have to wait

'til next term.

I guess I'll just have to

be a do-it-yourself Indian.

[music]

-Oh, there you are Mr. Wilson.

-Oh hello, Mrs. Schooner.

-Hello, Mr. Wilson.

I have something I know

you'll want to hear.

-Oh, not a new bird call.

-No, not this time.

I've been busy

with other things.

Hold onto yourself, Mr. Wilson.

You have been chosen as one

of the nominees for our Best

Citizen of the Year award.

-Best Citizen of the Year?

Me?

-George, how wonderful.

-Well, now.

For good-- Oh, well sit

down, Mrs. Schooner.

Right over here.

Be comfortable in my chair.

-Thank you.

We committee

members know how you

single handedly connected

funds for the bird sanctuary.

-Well, birds can't

fly all the way

south without stopping

to rest some place.

I mean, nobody can.

-When we heard that some of

the birds no longer fly south,

they just fly here.

We were very impressed.

-Well, Martha.

One more trophy.

-Oh, there's no trophy.

But there is a prise.

This year, it's a

power lawn mower.

-A power lawn mower?

I was just saying this morning

to Martha-- Mrs. Schooner,

I could positively kiss you.

-You haven't won yet Mr. Wilson.

The election is

tomorrow morning.

We present the award to the

winner at his home at noon.

-Well my goodness.

It's certainly going to

be an exciting Saturday.

-Of course, we must do

some final checking.

Why last year, the nominee

with the inside track

was almost elected.

When would you believe

it, at the last minute,

we found out that

he hated children.

-Oh, I can't believe it.

-I found out from the little

boy who lived next door to him.

-A man like that ought to

be tarred and feathered.

-Well, I must be flitting along.

Just remember one

thing, Mr. Wilson.

After what you did for

our town in getting

the birds a sanctuary, even if

you don't win tomorrow morning,

the birds know what

you did for them.

-So many of the things George

does are for the birds.

-And that's why, Mr. Wilson,

as far as I'm concerned,

you have the inside

track for the award.

Bye bye.

-Bye bye.

Inside track?

Did you hear that, Martha?

Best Citizen of the Year.

-You're my best citizen

of any year dear.

-Oh, well thank you, Martha.

But you're prejudice.

You know me.

What about that poor

man who lost out

because of the little boy

next-- Oh no, he wouldn't dare.

-What is it dear?

-Dennis.

Why you don't suppose he

has some crazy idea that I

don't like children, do you?

-I don't think so.

-Well, I don't know.

-Oh Dennis wouldn't

get the wrong idea.

-Oh, I don't know.

I can just see

Mrs. Schooner now.

Talking to Dennis and then

running right to the committee

and saying, I'm sorry, but

we can't give that Best

Citizen award to George Wilson.

He may like birds,

but he hates kids.

[music]

-Oh, Dennis?

-I was just picking up some

of my arrows, Mr. Wilson.

I won't sh**t anymore

of them over this way.

-Oh, that's all right.

Now wait a minute, Dennis.

I wanted to talk to you.

-You mean it's all right

for me to be over here?

After what happened--

-Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Forget all about that.

Of course.

You see, Dennis,

I want you to know

that, well the test

of a good friend

is that sometimes he can

get mad at you at one moment

and then, you know,

forgot all about it.

-I guess you really are my

best friend then Mr. Wilson.

-Well, thank you, Dennis.

Thank you.

Say, you know someday I

might be able to dig you

up a couple of real

arrowheads for this.

-You interested in Indian

stuff too, Mr. Wilson?

-Oh of course I'm

interested in Indian stuff.

I'm interested in

anything you're

interested in, little friend.

-Boy, maybe I join the

Junior Pathfinders after all.

Would you help me?

-Help you?

Why I'd be insulted if

you asked anybody else.

-Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

For a grownup, you're swell.

-Thank you, Dennis.

You know, I'll let you

in on a little secret.

I'm not really grown

up all the time.

Why in some ways,

I'm still a child.

That's why I can understand

children much better

than anybody.

-Jeepers, that's

swell Mr. Wilson.

Let's go tell Mom and Dad.

-Hey, wait a minute.

Tell them what?

-That we're going

to camp out tonight

on top of Lookout Ridge.

-That we're going to what?

-That's what I have to do to

join the Junior Pathfinders.

And you're going to help me.

You're swell, Mr. Wilson.

Really swell.

-But Lookout Ridge?

But people freeze to

death up there, Dennis.

-Not in sleeping

bags they don't.

-Oh, well I want to

help you, Dennis.

-You understand kids

better than anybody.

Don't you?

-Oh, well, yes of course.

-Well then what

are we waiting for?

Hey, Mom, Dad?

Come on, Mr. Wilson.

Come on!

-Guess what?

Mr. Wilson wants to take me

to Lookout Ridge tonight.

-Mr. Wilson?

-So I can join the Pathfinders.

-Dennis, are you sure?

-Oh, well.

Yes, I thought if you didn't --

-Well of course we

don't mind, Mr. Wilson,

if you really want

to take Dennis.

-Oh he wants to all right.

Mr. Wilson understands

kids better than anybody.

-I do like the little

tots, you know.

-That's because he's

really still a child.

He said so himself.

I'm going up and

get my stuff ready.

-Well, I guess I'd better

get my stuff ready too.

-Mr. Wilson?

We just want to thank you

for helping Dennis this way.

-Yes.

I would have taken

him myself but I've

got this work that

must be done tonight.

-Oh, well, don't be silly.

It's just what

I've always wanted.

[music]

-Jeepers, jeepers.

What a pie.

How I wish that you were mine.

-Dennis, come on down

here and give mad a hand.

We'll put up this tent.

-Tent?

We can't use a tent, Mr. Wilson.

Mr. Abernathy said

under the stars.



-Dennis, that wind

is freezing cold.

-Jeepers, you want me to

get in the club don't you?

-Well, yes, of course.

-Is sure is good

to know somebody

that understands kids

better than anybody.

-And you would say that

about me, wouldn't you?

I mean, well, if

somebody should happen

to ask you about me sometime.

-Yeah, Mr. Wilson.

I'd tell them how you helped me.

-Couldn't we camp in

a less windy place?

-We could, but Indians wouldn't.

It isn't easy to join

the Junior Pathfinders.

-That I'm beginning to find out.

-We have to camp up

here and prove it

by bringing back a pine

cone from this tree.

The famous Lookout Ridge pine.

-My goodness.

It certainly is a big one.

Where are the pine cones?

-Up there.

-Well, how do we get one?

This isn't the kind of tree

you just walk up to and shake.

-One of us has to

climb up there.

-Climb?

-I guess you're the lucky one.

Cause I'm too small.

-Dennis, climbing

won't be necessary.

Ah, we'll just throw

something out there

and knock down one of the cones.

-What will we throw?

-Oh, I don't know.

We'll find something.

-How about this?

-Hmm?

-Your canteen?

-Oh, I guess that'll do it.

Oh, now you see that big

cone on the low branch there?

Well, watch her come down.

-You hit it, Mr. Wilson.

You hit it.

-Did eye, George.

-You want to try my canteen?

-Oh, sure.

Why not?

An old baseball

pitcher like myself.

First I'll knock down

my canteen, and then

your pine cone.

-You hit it, Mr. Wilson.

You hit it.

-Did I, George.

-Do you think the

stove's too heavy?

-Do you really think you

ought to, Mr. Wilson?

-Well I don't know what

difference it makes?

I might as well have both

shoes up there as one.

-Everything you

throw up there stays.

-Well, this is no

time to quit, Dennis.

-I'm not talking about quitting.

I'm talking about climbing.

-Well stand back.

-Oh, this is the greediest

pine tree I've ever seen.

Two canteens, two shoes, a

walking stick, a pocketknife,

and a collapsible drinking cup.

Dennis?

Are you absolutely sure

you want to join that club?

-Well, here goes nothing.

-Here's a refill dear.

-Thank you, honey.

-Well, made it.

-Good.

[doorbell]

-I'll get it.

-I think Mr. Mitchell is

expecting me, Mrs. Mitchell.

-Mr. Fullmer?

Come right in.

-Well, I didn't think

I'd finish, Mr. Fullmer,

but there they are.

-You know how much we of

the Neighborhood Improvement

Committee appreciate

your work on these plans?

We know how valuable a

correct lighting plan

can be to the artistic

appearance of a building.

-Well, actually anybody

could have done it.

-But you did it.

Not only that.

You headed up Fire

Prevention Week

and played Smokey the Bear

in the annual pageant.

-Well, only because the real

Smokey came down with a mumps

at the last minute.

-This would interest

you too, Mrs. Mitchell.

We of the committee have

chosen Mr. Mitchell as one

of the nominees for our Best

Citizen of the Year award.

-Best Citizen of the Year?

Me?

-Oh, Henry.

Well that's wonderful.

-May I say, as far

as I'm concerned,

you definitely have

the inside track.

[music]

-I sure do want to thank you

for my pine cone, Mr. Wilson.

You can thank me in

the morning, Dennis.

-Boy, were you great

up in that tree.

But you should never try to

put your shoes on up there.

-Well fortunately, I

didn't fall all the way.

It just feels like it.

-I'll zip you up, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh.

-Like that?

-That's fine.

Come all the way up.

-Are you comfortable?

-Oh, snug as a bug in a rug.

-Good night, Mr. Wilson.

-Good night, Dennis.

-Please bless mom and dad,

and gold ol' Mr. Wilson.

He's certainly a lot nicer

than most people think.

[music]

-Oh.

Now you try to make friends.

-Excuse me?

But is this the

Lookout Ridge Pine?

-No, it's the First

National Bank Building.

-Well, you don't know be stuffy.

Turn the light on

it Crystalbell.

This is it.

This is it!

Oh, what photos we'll get.

Let's put it down

in our log book.

Now what time exactly

did we first see it?

Oh, dear my watch has stopped.

Do you have the time?

-Madam, I am not the

Naval Observatory.

It's past midnight.

I am trying to get some sleep.

-The woods certainly aren't

what they used to be.

You'll find just

anybody here these days.

-I'll give him one more chance.

Do you know a nice place

to camp around here?

-Yes, you walk to

the edge and jump.

-Come on, Georgiana.

We'll find our own little nook.

Some people just

don't understand

the courtesy of the road.

-Sighted Lookout

Ridge after midnight.

Also ran in to grumpy

disgusting old fare.

-Oh, great Scott it's raining.

Dennis, Dennis, wake up.

Wake up.

It's raining.

We've got to put

up that tent now.

-Tent?

But I'm supposed to sleep out.

-Oh, Dennis.

This is an emergency.

Even Indians sleep

inside when it's raining.

Now come on.

Give me a hand and

let's get that tent up.

-Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

I thought sure I put those

tent poles in the car.

-What some people won't do

to win a power lawn mower.

[music]

-Mr. Wilson?

I made it.

I'm a Junior Pathfinder.

-Oh, good, good.

-Mr. Abernathy said for

what you did last night,

you deserve some

kind of an award.

-Oh, Dennis.

Don't get too close to me.

You'll get my cold.

Well let's hope it

works out that way.

Oh, Dennis, you didn't

talk to anybody on the way

to your meeting this morning?

-Sure.

I talked to Mom, Dad, Mr.

Abernathy, the mailman--

-No, no, no, no.

I mean somebody who might

have talked to you about me?

-Gosh, no Mr. Wilson.

-Good, good.

-I'm going to go

tell mom and Dad.

Bye.

-Bye.

-Mrs. Schooner, members of the

committee, neighbors, friends.

This is the proudest

day of my life,

And I just want to say

that his power lawn mower.

Ooh, this Best Citizen

Award-- But it's

the work of many people,

and birds of course.

All pulling together.

All forgetting selfish

interest for the, the--

-Oh, oh.

Good morning, Mitchell.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

I just came over to make sure

you understood how much we

appreciate your taking

Dennis yesterday.

-Oh, that little trip?

Nothing.

-I would have been over

earlier this morning,

but I was afraid you

would still be asleep.

-Oh no.

-I started feeling

a little guilty

after you and Dennis left.

-Well, there's no reason for

you to feel guilty, Mitchell.

-Then when I heard

I've been nominated

for Best Citizen of

the Year award, why

I really felt guilty.

-You?

Mitchell?

Nominated?

-Oh, yes.

I've been doing some

work for the committee.

And one of the members

picked it up last night

and told me that

I was a nominee.

-Well.

-But when he told me that

I had the inside track,

I could have gone right

through the floor.

-As of what time did you

have the inside track?

-As of about

o'clock last night.

-I've heard a low

tricks, Mitchell.

I've heard of low tricks, but

this is just about the lowest.

While I was up there risking

my life with your son,

you were down here

currying favor.

Working hard to win my award.

-You, Mr. Wilson?

You're nominated?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't know.

Now I really feel terrible.

-You feel terrible?

I may die of pneumonia

any minute now.

-I don't know what

to say, Mr. Wilson.

I hope your cold gets better.

I hope you win.

-Alice, this

suspense is terrible.

-Don't worry so, Henry.

Just because you

had the inside track

doesn't mean you'll

win the award.

-Oh, I hope not.

I mean supposing I

did win, we couldn't

go on living next

door to Mr. Wilson.

[music]

-Henry?

Henry, some cars are driving

up in front of the Wilsons.

-Oh, maybe I've lost.

-George, some cares are

parking in front of our house.

-Hmm?

Why, Martha.

It's the committee members.

Maybe I won after all.

-Oh, no.

They're going over

to the Mitchells.

-Henry, they're coming here.

-This is terrible.

-Well, I certainly could've

used that power lawn mower.

[doorbell]

-Oh, Mrs. Schooner.

-Hello, Mrs. Wilson.

Will and Mr. Wilson join

us for the presentation?

-Why, of course.

-I'll wait.

-Excuse me.

-Dear--

-Martha, what are you saying?

-We have to go, George It's

only the neighborly thing to do.

-Oh, I guess you're right.



-Hello, hello.

Oh thank you, dear.

Now that we're all here.

It is my proud

privilege to present

our Best Citizen

of the Year award.

-Best Citizen of the Year.

-Our award this year goes

to that outstanding member

of our community,

Mr. George Wilson.

-Outstanding member

of what-- Me?

-Mr. Wilson!

-You, Mr. Wilson.

-But--

-It was a hard decision

to make, because we

have so many fine citizens.

But you won, Mr. Wilson.

-Well, my goodness.

We're on Mitchell's lawn.

-So we could set up

your prize on your lawn.

-Oh, well now.

Well I certainly do

want to thank you.

And this is, indeed, an honor.

And I would like to

say-- Oh fiddle faddle,

I forgot my speech.

-Isn't it a beauty Mr. Wilson?

-It certainly is, Dennis.

And do you know what?

You're going to be the

first to have a ride on it.

-Oh, boy.

[music]

-What do I do now, Mr. Wilson?

-Well, all we do is pull this.

-What a mower!

[theme music]
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