03x16 - Silence Is Golden

[bunniefuu]

-Hey, mom, Tommy and me

need a cool drink real bad.

Can I take some milk

from the ice box?

-Well, of course you can.

What are you all

doing to get so hot?

-We decided to play some golf.

-Play golf?

Well, that's a strenuous game.

No wonder you're hot.

-Oh, we haven't

started to play yet.

-Haven't started?

-Heck no.

-You told me there were

holes where you play golf.

So far we've only dug

holes in our front yard.

[theme music]

-Oh, Fremont, go away.

Fremont, shoo.

Go on, go.

[barking]

[music playing]

-Mrs. Elkins,

well, good morning.

-Good morning, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh, I'm so glad you came by.

There's a question I've

been dying to ask you.

-Well?

-Well, I understand that you're

buying the house next to mine.

Is that true?

-Yes, I expect to sign

the final papers today.

-Oh, that's marvelous.

The best news I've had in years.

-Really?

-Oh, I mean it, Mrs. Elkins.

You know, it's

terribly important

to have good neighbors.

And I'm sure that

nowhere could I

find a better neighbor than a

charming, and gracious lady,

such as yourself.

-What favor do you

want, Mr. Wilson?

-A, uh, oh, a favor?

-You and I have never

been on friendly terms.

When you start buttering me up,

there must be a hidden motive.

-Oh, you're wrong, Mrs. Elkins.

Oh, I'll admit we've had our

little differences of opinion.

But what I just said

was quite sincere.

You do believe me, don't you?

-No.

-Well, all right then.

I'll be honest with you.

-A welcome change.

-That property

you're going to buy

includes a -foot strip of

land adjoins my property.

Now it's not used for anything.

But I could use it

to widen my driveway.

You see, my wife is

a very good driver.

And she's continually scraping

our fenders on the fence.

-I see.

And you wish to

purchase this from me?

-Yes.

The present owners wouldn't

even discuss it with me.

But I thought you and I

might make a little deal.

-Well, it's possible.

I'll consider it.

-Well, couldn't

we settle it now?

I'll pay you a fair price.

-No.

I'll have to think it over.

I'm coming back at two o'clock

for a further inspection

of the house.

I'll think it over carefully,

and give you my decision then.

-Well, I'll be

waiting anxiously.

Thank you, dear lady.

-Will you repeat that, and just

refer to me as Mrs. Elkins?

I'd feel much more comfortable.

-Thank you, Mrs. Elkins.

-Thank you, Mr. Wilson.

-It's easier to be nice

to an old grizzly bear.

-Hi, mom.

What are you making?

-A cake for dinner.

-Oh boy.

Is it a chocolate cake, or

a pound cake, or a pineapple

cake, or angel cake,

or a coconut cake?

-It's an angel cake, Dennis.

-Oh boy.

I like angel cake.

Why do they call it angel cake?

Do angels eat it?

-I'm sure I don't know, dear.

-Well, maybe they don't eat it.

When I eat angel cake, I

get crumbs all over me.

But all the angels

I've seen pictures of

are wearing clean white clothes

without any crumbs on them.

Now how do you suppose

they eat angel cake,

and not get any crumbs on them?

-I'm sure I don't know, dear.

-Hey, was that salt you

put in the cake, mom?

-Yes.

-But a cake is

supposed to be sweet.

And if you put salt in

it, won't it be salty?

-No, it won't be salty.

You have to put in a pinch of

salt to bring out the flavor.

-But why do you have

to pinch the salt.

-You certainly are

talkative today, Dennis.

-Don't you want me to talk?

-Not while I'm

busy baking a cake.

Why don't you go into the living

room, and talk to your father?

-OK, mom.

-Hi, dad.

What are you doing?

-Hi, son.

Just taking care of

a little homework.

-Homework?

You mean like

arithmetic problems?

-No, something I didn't

finish up at the office.

-Oh.

You're lucky it's not

arithmetic problems.

They're the worst

kind of homework.

Hey, did you have

arithmetic problems

when you went to school, dad?

-Mhmm.

-Some of the

problems you have are

awful silly, like the one we had

last week about two men named

A and B. Hey, did you ever know

any men named A and B, dad?

-Mhmm.

-Well, that's what

these two men were

named-- A and B. And do

you know they were doing?

Do ya?

Huh?

-Look, son, how am I

going to get any work done

with you standing there

talking a blue streak?

-Jeepers, I enjoy talking.

But everybody jumps all over me.

-I'm sorry, son.

I tell you what.

You run out and play now.

And when I finish my work,

we'll have a nice long talk, OK?

-OK, dad.

-You know, Martha,

this Yugoslavian stamp

was an excellence buy.

Lightly cancelled, no

perforations missing.

-That's nice, dear.

-[sneezing]

-Bless you.

Are you catching cold, dear?

-No, not that I'm aware of.

I have no symptoms of a-- there.

That's what did it.

That infernal cat of Mrs.

Elkins, that Tinkerbell.

Cats.

Always make me sneeze.

Oh shoo, scat.

[violent sneeze]

[angry meow]

-My goodness.

You blew it right off the fence.

Well, I'd like to blow

it to kingdom come.

-It's too bad you're

allergic to cats.

When Mrs. Elkins

moves next door,

Tinkerbell will be

around all the time.

-Well, there's one compensation.

I think I can get her to sell

me that strip of land I want.

-Have you spoken to

her about it yet?

-Yes.

She'll let me know

this afternoon.

You know, Martha,

I forced myself

to be a sweet as pie to her.

So I'm pretty sure I'll get it.

-That's wonderful, dear.

-Believe me, it wasn't easy

to kowtow to Mrs. Elkins.

She's lived so long

with cats that she

has the same personality.

-Now dear, that's

not a nice thing

to say about a lady who's

going to be our neighbor.

-Well, I can speak

freely about cats.

I find them most repugnant.

-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

-Hello, Dennis.

You're just in time to

entertain Mr. Wilson

while I get lunch started.

-All right, Dennis.

Don't bother to entertain me.

I can do without it.

-When I came in, you were

saying something about cats.

What did you say?

-I said that I find

them most repugnant.

-Does that mean you like them?

-Yes.

That means I love them.

I'm just crazy about them.

Now let's drop the subject.

-Hey, you're using your

magnifying glass, aren't you,

Mr. Wilson?

-Yes.

-I wish I had a

magnifying glass.

It must be fun to magnify

things with a magnifying glass.

How much bigger does

it make stuff look?

-About five times

natural sides, I guess.

-How big is natural size?

-Well natural size is natural

size, Dennis, naturally.

Can't you see I'm working

on my stamp collection?

-Sure I can.

You're looking at your stamps

with your magnifying glass.

If I had a magnifying

glass, I wouldn't

look at stamps with it.

I'd look at stuff that

was alive, like bugs.

I bet if I looked at a bug

that was only an inch long,

it would like the monster

from the slimy swamp.

-Oh, for heaven's sakes,

Dennis, please keep quiet.

You talk too confounded much.

-Jeepers, everybody

tells me that.

-Well, you do.

You just never shut up.

-All right.

If that's the way people

feel, I won't talk.

I may just never talk, not ever.

--[chortling] Why you couldn't

stop talking for five minutes.

-Well, I could, too.

I could stop taking for

five hours, or five years.

-Dennis, I'll make

you a proposition.

If you won't talk to me

for the rest of the day

whenever you're with me, I'll

give you this magnifying glass.

-You will?

-Yes, I will, to

protect my sanity.

Is it a deal?

Oh, you've already started, eh?

[chuckling] this is

too good to be true.

Oh, don't worry.

You'll be jabbering in no time.

All right, Dennis.

I'll hold you

strictly to the rules.

One word, you lose.

TOMMY (OFFSCREEN): Dennis

-You hear Tommy calling.

All right.

Run along.

-Dennis.

-Hi, Tommy.

I can't play now.

I've got a chance to win a

magnifying glass if I don't

talk to Mr. Wilson for

the rest of the day.

-Then you ought to stay with me.

If you're not with Mr.

Wilson, you can't talk to him.

-But what he wants

me to do is not talk.

And I've got to be with him

so he can see me not talking.

-Not is sure a funny way

to win a magnifying glass.

-It won't be easy, either.

Because l like to talk.

-Me too.

-When I go in the

house, I'm going

to practice keeping

quiet on mom and dad.

You wait here, Tommy.

DAD (OFFSCREEN): Thank you.

Goodbye.

Back already, son?

What's the matter with you?

Cat got your tongue?

Nope, there it is.

-Are you all right, dear?

Where are you off to now?

Up to your room?

-What's all this

silence business?

Are we raising

another Harpo Marx?

-I'm afraid it's all my fault.

I told him this morning

that he talked too much.

Well, this may be

his way of showing us

that his feelings are hurt.

-Come to think of it, I

told him the same thing.

-Oh dear.

Well, we have to let him

know we didn't mean it.

-But I did mean it.

He does talk too much sometimes.

-But Henry, we can't have

the poor child thinking he

can't open his mouth

in his own house.

Couldn't we be

extra nice to him,

encourage him to talk a little?

-If you want to, honey.

MOM (OFFSCREEN): Dennis.

Before you go out again,

would you like a chocolate?

Yes, you.

I know I've only allowed

you one after dinner.

But I thought you might

like to have one now.

Would you?

Help yourself.

-Oh, sun, just a minute.

Would you think

you'd have any use

for a nice, great,

big, shiny dime?

Well, aren't you

going to thank me?

Your welcome.

-Henry, I don't like this a bit.

He simply refuses to talk.

-Oh, he'll get over it.

It just shows you he's all boy.

Well, a girl any age wouldn't

be able to keep quiet

as long as that.

[barking]

-Fremont!

Stop that!

You get out of those daisies.

Stop it.

Shame on you, Fremont.

You just wait until

I get Mr. Wilson.

He'll make you stop!

-What is it now, Dennis?

What do you want?

The window?

No, no, leave it alone.

I don't want it open.

It's too drafty.

Oh, what is this?

Games?

Flowers, what about flowers?

Oh yes, they came

out of my front yard.

Why?

Well, they did too come

out of my front yard.

I cut them myself.

Now don't argue with me, Dennis.

You want to me to go outside

and play football with you?

Well, if that isn't

the stupidest,

most ridiculous-- Dennis, if you

have any other idiotic messages

like that, go write me a letter.

I'm in no mood for

such foolishness.

Good grief.

Playing games.

Is there one Z or

two Z's in daisies.

Oh, Dennis, there are no

Z's at all in-- daisies?

Are you trying to tell

me something about my new

daisy bad?

Huh?

Oh!

Fremont!

You get out of my daisy bed!

Go on!

Out!

Shoo!

Get out!

Oh.

Good heavens, what a mess.

Oh, Dennis, why didn't you

tell me what he was doing?

Well, I could have stopped him.

Now I'll have to get my

garden equipment and fix--

[doorbell]

-Uh oh.

Oh, that must be Mrs. Elkins.

Now Dennis, this is a

private conversation.

You run along.

Well, well, well, well, there

you are, right on the button.

Do come in, Mrs.

Elkins, right in here.

Uh oh, don't stumble

over the flowers.

And on the couch.

Here we are.

Well, now, did you decide

about the property I want?

-I did, Mr. Wilson.

I'm not selling.

-[stuttering] Why?

Your driveway's on the

other side of the house.

You won't need that

property when you move in.

-I'm not moving in.

-You mean you changed

your mind about buying?

-No, I closed the deal.

However, I plan to remain

in my present house

and rent this one,

thanks to you.

-Thanks to me?

-Remember what you

said this morning

about the importance

of good neighbors?

-Yes.

-You were right, Mr. Wilson.

I've thought it over carefully.

And I don't want to

live next door to you.

-Well, see here, Mrs. Elkins.

I don't like to be insulted.

You should be used to it.

With men like you, it

must happen frequently.

-But there's no reason

for you not selling.

-Oh, there are many reasons.

In the first place,

you told me you

wanted to widen your driveway

because your wife scratched

your car on your fence.

-Well, I--

-The people across

the street tell me

you're the one who does it.

You tried to cover

up your bad driving

at the expense of

an innocent woman.

-Well, Martha would

scratch our car

if I allowed her to

drive it more often.

-Just the sort of

excuse I'd expect

from a pompous, self-centered

man who doesn't like cats.

-Who says I don't like cats?

-I do.

I'm not forgetting

the time you squirted

the hose on my

darling Tinkerbell.

-That was an accident.

A dog was chasing your cat.

And I tried to squirt the dog.

-You see, you hate dogs, too.

-Well, that's not true.

Just yesterday I saw some little

boys throwing rocks at the dog.

And I told them if

they didn't stop,

I'd knock their blocks off.

-Naturally.

You despise children.

-Oh, what's the use.

-So my decision is final.

I will not enter

into any transaction

with a man of your type.

-But it's unfair.

You don't need that

property, and I do.

[stuttering] It's

a rotten trick.

It, it--

-Nothing further to discuss.

Good day, Mr. Wilson.

-Well, you'll regret

this, Mrs. Elkins.

I won't forget what you've done.

-Penny for your thoughts, honey,

or is that classified material?

-Henry, I know you think I'm

making too much out of this.

But I'm really worried about

Dennis not talking to us.

-I am too.

I didn't think he'd take what

we said to him so serious.

-I don't want a

quiet little boy.

-Neither do I. That's what's

so great about that little guy,

his bubbling enthusiasm

for everything.

-I just hope we haven't hurt

his feelings so badly that--

-Hi mom, dad.

Boy, am I glad you're home.

Because I'm about to

bust from not talking.

In fact, if I didn't have you

to talk to, I'd really blow up.

You see, I've got this

deal with Mr. Wilson

that if I don't talk to him

for the rest of the day,

he'll give me a swell

magnifying glass.

Trying to not talk

is sure tough.

But I got some good practicing

from not talking to you

and dad this morning.

But I can do it for the

rest of the day now.

And when I get that

magnifying glass,

you can both look through it.

I've got to get back

over to Mr. Wilson,

and not talk some more

while he paints his garage.

See you later.

-What were we talking about,

just before the dam burst.

-I think I was

saying one thing we

don't have to worry about is

having a quiet little boy.

-That's for sure.

[laughing]

-Hey, Dennis!

-Hi, Tommy.

-Boy, you sure missed

some excitement.

-I did?

What happened?

-Johnny Brady caught Mrs.

Elkins' cat, Tinkerbell,

and tied a tin can to its tail.

Boy, she took off down

the street like a hot rod.

-Gee, that was a

bad thing to do.

Did Johnny Brady get

scratched up much?

-No.

But he will when Mrs. Elkins

finds out what he did.

Come on.

Let's play some catch now.

-I wish I could.

But I gotta go over

to Mr. Wilson's.

-He's in his garage.

I saw him go back there

with a bucket of paint.

-After all, the

paint all washed out.

Now just relaxed.

-Well of all the

stupid things, Martha.

If Dennis had told

me the paint was

spilled, instead of that silly

tapping me on the shoulder.

-Well, you can't

blame Dennis, George.

You're the one that

told him not to talk.

He's waiting in the living room.

-Well, let him wait.

-Aren't you going to give

him the magnifying glass now?

After all, he hasn't

talked for hours.

-No, absolutely not, Martha.

If he wants that thing, he

can just finish earning it.

-Well, suit yourself, dear.

I'm going over to

Alice's for a while.

I'll be back.

-All right.

Dennis, I am going to mount

these stamps in my album.

Now if you must stay, sit

down, and leave me alone.

The way figure, I've got about

two hours of peace and quiet

if you're going

to get this glass.

[doorbell]

-Who the dickens is that?

Get the front door,

will you, Dennis?

-Oh, hello, Dennis.

Where's-- There you are.

How could you do that

to my poor little cat?

You, you, answer me.

-Why I-- what are you?

-I might have known you'd try to

get revenge because I wouldn't

sell you that piece of property.

You threatened to.

-I didn't thr*aten.

-But I didn't think

even you would

pick on a poor,

defenseless little kitty.

-What are you talking about?

-I'm talking about

you tying a tin can

to my poor little

Tinkerbell's tail.

-What?

Why, of all the

ridiculous, outrageous--

why I never did any such thing.

-You don't fool me with that

phony innocence, not one

little bit.

When I came home from

shopping, and found

that can tied to her tail,

I knew who to look for.

-Oh, Dennis, tell her

I didn't touch her cat.

You've been with me

all day, practically.

Well, go on, tell her.

Say something.

Eh?

Oh, for the love of-- oh, here.

Take it it's yours.

The deal is over.

Now go on, talk.

Tell her I didn't touch her cat.

-Of course he

didn't, Mrs. Elkins.

Mr. Wilson wouldn't hurt a flea.

And he didn't tie that

can to Tinkerbell's tail.

Because Johnny Brady did it.

-Johnny Brady?

Are-- are you sure, Dennis?

-I sure am sure.

Because Tommy told me.

He saw Johnny Brady do that

to poor little Tinkerbell.

-I've made a terrible mistake.

-You most certainly have.

-Good old Mr. Wilson would

never do a thing like that.

He's just crazy about cats.

He told me so this morning.

He just loves cats.

Don't you, Mr. Wilson?

-Well, I--

-Thank you, Dennis.

Mr. Wilson, I apologize

most sincerely.

-Well, you should.

-I'm so ashamed for having

misjudged you this way.

And I'm going to make up for it.

Believe me, I am.

-Well, if that's

the way you feel,

I could still use

that piece of land.

-It's yours.

-Oh, good, good.

-And I'll try to

think of another way

to bring us closer together.

-Oh, I'll see you to

the door, Mrs. Elkins.

Goodbye.

-Oh, I want to thank you

for backing me up, Dennis.

Ho ho!

Now I can widen my driveway, and

keep some pain on my fenders.

-Boy, this sure is a swell

magnifying glass, Mr. Wilson.

-And it's all yours, my boy.

You have earned it.

-Boy, this looks like

a mountain of ice cream

through this swell

magnifying glass.

-Well, Dennis, I

only wish it were.

You deserve it.

And I'll never ask you

to stop talking again.

You certainly stopped

Mrs. Elkins from--

MRS. ELKINS (OFFSCREEN): Yoohoo!

Oh, I was in hopes I'd

find you back here.

Oh, I'm so glad to

know I've been wrong

about you, Mr. Wilson.

Until this dear boy

told me, I never

dreamed that underneath that

rough exterior of yours,

there's a heart that beats

with love for little creatures.

-Oh, well, of course I--

-A few weeks ago my little

Tinkerbell became a mother.

-Again?

Boy, she's always becoming

mother, isn't she?

-And the cutest one of the

family is for you, Mr. Wilson.

[mewling]

-Oh, no, Mrs. Elkins.

I--

-I knew you'd be surprised.

You're just going

to love one another.

Oh.

And I'll come over

every day to find out

how you're getting along.

Now if you will excuse

me, just must dash.

-I--

-Bye bye.

-Ah, uh, oh, take it

quick, Dennis. [sneezing]

-Jeepers, don't

sneeze on the kitty.

You might give her a cold.

-[sneezing]

-Isn't she cute?

-Oh great Scott. [sneezing]

[music playing]