03x36 - The Club Initiation

[bunniefuu]

-OK, Chris, I'll

come right over.

Goodbye.

Oh boy.

Hey mom, hey dad.

I've got great news.

I'm gonna be a Scorpion.

-A what?

-A Scorpion.

That's Walter Hooper's club.

Him and Chris [inaudible]

Kevie Watson belong to it,

and all the members

get to wear a shirt

with a scorpion on the front.

-Well, that sounds like a

worthwhile organization.

-It's super.

Walter turned me

down once before,

but Chris just

called and said he

thinks he can get me in today.

-Well, why did Walter

turn you down, dear?

-Well, you see, they're all

a little bigger than me,

and he said I wasn't old enough.

-Well, I hope you

make this time, son.

-I think I will, dad.

Last time was a week ago, and

I'm a whole week older now.

[theme music]

-John, will it be

all right if I--

-Martha.

Please, when I'm

lining up a sh*t,

I must have absolute quiet.

-I'm sorry.

-Too bad you didn't

keep talking.

Then at least I'd

have had some excuse.

-I just wanted to

tell you that I'm

going to be downtown

shopping most of the day.

Can you fix your own lunch?

-Don't you worry about me.

I'm having lunch

at the country club

with Dr. Fred

Ferguson as his guest.

We're, uh, playing a

round of golf together.

-Oh, well, that's

very nice, but--

-This is a very good

break for me, Martha.

The most exclusive club in

the area, and Dr. Ferguson

plans on putting my

name up for membership.

You know how important it is

to belong to the right club.

-I'm sure it is.

But wouldn't it be better if you

stayed home today and rested?

-Why should I rest?

-You haven't been

sleeping well, John.

I've heard you wandering

around the house at night.

It's probably your nerves.

-Oh, nonsense.

That's the way I get

some of my best ideas

for magazine articles.

-Well, as long as Dr. Ferguson's

coming here, please have him

take a look at you.

-All right, Martha,

it's a waste of time.

There's nothing

wrong with my nerves.

I'm as steady as a rock.

In some ways.

-Oh, you sure got

a nerve, Chris.

I've told you once

before I didn't

want a squirt like

Dennis in the club.

-I know, Walter, but he's

sort of a nice kid, for a kid.

-Yeah, I like him too.

-Look, we better get

something straight.

This is my yard, my club, and

my dad paid for these shirts,

right?

TOGETHER: Right.

-So, I say we do things my way.

Only grown up guys be scorpions.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hi.

Hi fellows.

-Hi Dennis.

-Hi.

-We were just talking

about you, kid.

-Yeah.

Chris told me that I could

maybe join your club today.

-Well, Chris

couldn't be wronger.

Now b*at it and don't come back.

-But I'd be a real

good Scorpion, Walter.

Just give me a

chance to prove it.

-Go on, bear it.

-OK, Walter.

I'll go.

-Gosh, you sure

were tough with him.

-It's the only way to get

rid of the little pest.

-I think he would

make a good Scorpion.

-What's eating you, guys?

Do you wanna go back

to kindergarten?

-Walter.

-Hello Chris, Kevin.

-TOGETHER: Hello, Ms. Cooper.

-Walter, I overheard what

you said to Dennis Mitchell

and I didn't like it a bit.

Now, I want you to

take him in your club.

-Oh, gee, mom.

He's such a little kid.

-He's only two years

younger than you are.

And what's more, his mother's

a good friend of mine.

-But mom--

-Now Walter, don't

argue with me.

You either make Dennis a member,

or I'll speak to your father

and there won't be any club.

-Oh gee, Mom.

Do I have to?

-You do, and stop whining.

It's time you

started to grow up.

-So you have to let

him in after all, huh?

-Oh yeah?

Mom said I had to

make him a member,

but before he becomes a member,

he has to pass initiation.

And if he can't pass the

initiation I cook up,

well, is that my fault?

-Oh, that was very good, John.

-Much closer.

-Well, I wouldn't say I was

ready for the National Open

yet.

Ah.

That's enough putting.

I think I'll, uh, try my swing.

-You're not gonna swing at a

golf ball hear in the house?

-Oh, not with that

golf ball, Martha.

With this one.

-Why, it's light as a feather.

-Yeah.

It's made of cotton.

Only go a couple of feet no

matter how hard you belt it.

-Then what good is it?

-Well, it's a target.

It helps to groove your swing.

-Oh, that's too

technical for me.

Well, you go ahead.

I have to get ready.

-Hi Mr. Wilson!

-Oh, Dennis.

For heaven's sake.

-I just came over

to talk to you.

If you're not too busy to talk.

-Well, I was brushing up

on my golf game until--

-Oh, you're putting, aren't you?

My dad does this all

the time at home.

-Well, I was putting

until you came in and--

[phone ringing]

-Oh, excuse me.

-Is it OK if I put

one, Mr. Wilson?

-Help yourself, Dennis.

[phone ringing]

-Hello.

Oh, hello, Fred.

Oh, emergency call.

Well, I wondered what

was delaying you.

-Jeepers, what a funny ball.

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):

I thought maybe

you were afraid to play with me.

No, I don't mind.

No, take your time.

Oh yeah.

Fred, I'm ready for you.

I have been practicing.

MRS. MITCHELL

(OFFSCREEN): Dennis.

Oh Dennis.

-Coming, mom.

See you later, Mr. Wilson.

You want me, mom?

-Yes dear.

Mrs. Hooper just

called and she said

to tell you that Walter

has changed his mind

and he wants you

to join the club.

-He does?

Oh boy.

That's super.

-So, why don't you

hurry right al--

-Bye mom!

-I wonder why I ever

tell him to hurry.

-OK, Fred, I'll see

you in about an hour.

Bye.

-Oh no.

Oh.

Oh, John.

You said you were

using a cotton ball.

-I was, Martha.

I can't understand it.

I had that-- It was just--

wha-- don't worry about it.

I'll pay for everything.

[springing]

[cuckoo-ing]

-Oh, shut up.

-Sure is great to be

in the club, Walter.

-You're not in it yet, kid.

Not until you take

your initiation.

-Initiation?

What's that?

-It's not much.

We just figure out some

stunts you have to do.

-See, what you've

got do is you've

got to collect three things.

You keep them overnight and

bring them to us tomorrow.

-OK.

-But what do I have to collect?

-Well, first you've

got to get a goat.

A live goat.

Then you've got to get a hat.

A funny hat.

-How about a derby, Walter?

-That'll do.

Then you gotta get a

musical instrument.

Let me see.

A bugle.

Yeah, a bugle.

-A goat, a derby

hat, and a bugle.

I sure hope I can find 'em.

-If you don't, you're

not in the club.

-Oh, I can find 'em all right.

-Where you going to

keep the stuff tonight?

In your garage?

-No, Dad's working on the car.

-Hey, I know.

I'll keep 'em in

Mr. Wilson's garage.

It's empty while

he's away in Ohio.

-OK, get going.

-See you tomorrow, Scorpions.

-He's a good kid, Walter.

Aren't you going

to let him join?

-He's not going to

get in this club ever.

-Look, I know where he's

gonna stash that stuff,

in Wilson's garage.

As fast as he puts it in, I'm

going to sneak it out again.

So he won't have it tomorrow,

and he won't make the club.

-Isn't that sort of a

dirty trick, Walter?

-What do you mean,

sort of dirty trick?

It's a real dirty trick.

That's the best kind.

-Sorry I'm late, John.

-Oh, come on in here, Fred.

I'll be ready to go in a minute.

-We've got a

beautiful day for it.

-Ah, yes, we--

oh, wait a minute.

Hold it.

Hold it.

Right there.

-Hm?

-I want you to look at me, Fred.

How do I look?

OK.

-Well, yeah, you look all right.

Why?

-Well, that silly

sister-in-law of mine

thinks that my nerves are

shaky, which is ridiculous.

So I promised her I'd

have you look at it.

-Oh, fine.

Tell her I did a thorough,

professional job.

-Good.

Well, I'll just finish up in

here, then we'll grab my clubs

and get going.

-Hi, boys.

-May I ask you a favor?

-Well, of course.

What is it?

-Could we keep some stuff in

your garage, just for tonight?

Dad's using ours.

-Of course you can.

But be careful not

to let the door slam.

If it does, the lock

catches, and you

can't get it again

without a key.

-OK, Mrs. Wilson.

Thanks a lot.

-You're welcome.

-Goodbye, boys.

-Bye.

-Bye, Mrs. Wislon.

The first thing we got to find,

Tommy, is a real, live goat.

Let's go!

-You know, John, maybe it wasn't

your fault, but I don't know.

Any guy who goes around

belting golf balls in the house

will bear watching.

-I'll show you

how to belt a golf

ball when we get to the club.

-I'm most anxious to put

you up for membership, John.

I think you'll fit in perfectly.

-Thanks, Fred.

Belonging to the right

club is very important.

And as you know, I'm thinking

of bringing in my wife

and moving into this

delightful town of yours.

-Well, splendid, John, splendid.

-Sure was swell

of Opie to lend us

his good old goat, huh, Tommy?

-Yeah.

You'll get in the

club easy now, I bet.

-Heck yes.

Walter said so himself.

Go on, now.

Get in there, boy.

That's it.

Stay in there, now.

Tommy, close it easy.

Remember?

-Oh, yeah.

-I think it's a

good thing to have

a special club for

us older fellas.

You know, you, and me,

and Walter and those guys.

-Sure it is.

-The next thing we've gotta

get is that derby hat.

Are you sure your dad

will let us have it?

-Sure.

It's out in the garage,

and all battered up.

He doesn't wear it anymore.

Come on!

-All right, Fred.

Let's go.

-Aren't you going

to take your clubs?

-What?

Oh, I forgot them.

I forgot my shoes.

I'll be right back.

-You know, John, I'm beginning

to worry about you, myself.

You remember how to

play golf all right?

-Oh, it's just that I'm excited

about playing at the club.

I'll only be a minute.

[bleating]

-What are you doing in here?

How did you get-- get out.

Never mind.

Never mind.

I'll go and get help.

Where the deuce did

that beast come from?

-John, we were just in

the garage minutes ago.

There was no goat there then.

-There's a goat out there now.

He's got horns that long.

-Oh, stop.

You're kidding.

I certainly am not.

Come on out, and

I'll show him to you.

-No, I'll take your word for it.

Let's get on out to the club.

-Let's get the goat

out of there first.

I don't want him

hanging around, anyway.

He's liable to wreck the place.

Now come on!

-Maybe it was a mouse you saw.

He startled you silly,

you thought it was a goat.

-Does a mouse go ba-a-a-ah?

Not as a rule, no.

-Watch.

Vicious looking animal.

Watch out.

He's-- he's gone.

He was there a minute ago, Fred.

I saw him.

A great, big goat standing

right there, looking at me.

Ba-a-ah, he said.

Ba-a-ah.

-Let's go in the house

and sit down, John.

I think we'd better

skip the golf today.

-What?

Why's that's ridiculous.

-No, no, no, John.

Four hours in the hot sun

wouldn't be good for you.

-Oh, now--

-Come on, I want to take

your blood pressure.

-My blood--

-Come on, my bag's

right in the car.

-But, he was, I saw--

-Isn't Dennis eating

with us, honey?

-He phoned from the

Andersons' a little while ago.

He had lunch with Tommy.

-He's certainly

a busy boy today,

what with joining that club.

Did he tell you that he

had to get hold of a bugle,

and a derby?

And a--

-A goat?

-Yes, he said he was gonna keep

it over at Mr. Wilson's garage.

-It's in our yard right

now, eating our flowers!

-Why, that stupid thing

must have gotten out!

-I have enough trouble trying

to raise flowers without that.

-I'll go put it back in

Wilson's garage, honey.

Keep my soup warm.

-Hi, boy. ow you doing?

Did you miss us?

-Hey, Dennis.

Try the hat on him, and see what

he looks like with a derby on.

-OK.

Here, boy, you're gonna

get all dressed up.

Don't he look funny?

-Yeah.

He looks even funnier than

my dad did when he wore it.

-Don't go away now, boy.

We'll be back in a little while.

Come on, Tommy.

Don't slam the door, Tommy.

Close it easy.

Remember, Mrs. Wilson says

it'll lock if you slam it.

-Now, I wonder where we

can find ourselves a bugle?

-Now, now, just relax, John.

It's OK.

It's nothing to be upset about.

-Who's upset?

You're the only one who's upset.

-These mild hallucinations

occur quite often.

We don't know

exactly why, but we

do know that rest and

the proper nutrition--

-Look, look, Fred.

There was a goat in our garage.

He isn't there now, that's

quite all right with me.

I won't mention

another word about it.

Now, let's go play golf.

-Nope, not today.

I want you to rest.

-I don't need any--

-Now, John, I'm going to

have to be firm with you.

When I introduce you to

the officers at the club,

I want you to be at

your absolute best.

Now, in a few days, if there's

no recurrence of this thing,

then we'll make the club, OK?

-But I want to play golf.

-I know, but-- mm-mm.

-Now, you go put your clubs

away, then you come in,

and we'll have a long talk.

Don't worry.

We'll get you back to normal.

-Stubbornest

character I ever met.

Acts like I'm some kind

of a nut, or something.

Hallucinations, indeed.

Because he didn't see

it standing there,

he thinks I imagined you.

How could anyone imagine a goat?

With a hat?

Oh, no!

And he's out there again,

just like I told you he was!

-Yes, of course he is, John.

Just sit down.

Now, relax.

Sit down.

-He's in the very same spot.

-Yes.

-Staring at me with those eyes.

-I'm not done with you, John.

-I went right in the

door, and there he was.

-Sit down.

Now open your mouth--

-Stop treating me

like a couch case!

Come and look at

the goat yourself,

if you don't believe me!

-John, we are not going out

and looking at that goat

until you calm down.

-Now, that's better.

Now, what was this goat doing?

Eating a tin can, perhaps?

-No.

He wasn't eating anything.

He was standing

there staring at me

with that derby hat

cocked over one eye.

-Wearing a derby hat?

Mm-hm.

What else was he wearing, John?

Black tie?

Spats?

-Of course not.

Goats don't wear sptats.

Now, you know that.

-Of course they don't.

Goats just wear derby

hats, that's all.

Now, when you first saw the

goat, did he speak to you,

or just smile?

-Oh, stop it!

This is ridiculous.

You are going out to that

garage if I have to carry you!

-All right, then!

All right!

-Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

I don't know how you

got back in here,

but I guarantee he's not

gonna find you this time.

I'll take you to my house.

Show that little smart-alec.

-Look, Fred, I'm sick and

tired of being doubted.

-Of course, John.

Of course.

We'll go in there right now.

I'll have a talk with that goat.

-I could've sworn I saw it.

-I know.

I know.

These things seem real to

people in your condition.

-Oh.

Oh, I'd better lie down.

I'm not a well man.

-Are you sure we should

have taken the goat?

What if Walter finds out?

-Aw, how's he gonna find out?

Besides, I think it's a dirty

trick to play on Dennis.

-We'll just put him back

here in Mr. Wilson's garage,

where he's supposed to be.

Get in there, boy.

You know what we

oughtta do, Chris?

We oughtta start

a whole new club,

with Dennis and some other kids.

And the heck with Walter.

-Boy, I thought we'd

never find a bugle.

It's a good thing you thought

of looking at the city dump.

-Well, if a fella's gonna join

an older man's club, Tommy,

he's gotta be

thinking every minute.

Hey, he lost his hat.

Here it is.

He must've dropped it.

Here, let's put it back on him.

What we gotta do now, Tommy,

is find this good old goat

something to eat.

-You won't be needing

these for a while.

I'll put them away for you so

they won't even remind you.

-Oh, thank you, Fred.

Bring lots of medicine.

[horn blowing]

-Oh no.

Oh no.

Me too.

No.

No no.

[horn blowing]

-No.

-Hey.

Somebody locked the door.

-Yeah.

-Let's go get the

key from Mr. Wilson.

That old goat must be hungry

enough to eat his hat by now.

Mr. Wilson!

Mr. Wilson!

Could we have the

key to the garage

so-- Jeepers, are you

lying down, Mr. Wilson?

-Yes, Dennis, is I'm lying down.

I've been lying down

for a long time.

-Can we have the key

to the garage though?

-So we could feed out goat?

Because he's locked in there--

-Not-- Not now, Dennis.

Some other time.

I have a terrible headache.

Goat!

Did you say goat?

-Yes sir.

We've gotta have a goat

to get in the club with.

BOY (OFFSCREEN): Hey,

Dennis, are you in there?

-Yeah, come on in.

-Now, uh, Dennis.

About this goat.

-We've been looking for you.

You know what that

Walter Hooper did?

-He stole the goat out

of Mr. Wilson's garage.

-And took it to his house.

-Jeepers.

Why did he do that?

-So you couldn't

get in the club.

-But we put the

goat back for you.

-The goat.

Was it a real--

-Jeepers, Kevin.

Thanks a lot.

-We got the derby hat all right.

-Yeah, and the bugle.

Now we're getting-- Boys, boys.

Please.

Now, Dennis.

Please come and sit

down here a minute.

-OK, Mr. Wilson.

-Now, Dennis.

I want you to tell-- oh, Martha.

Come in here and listen to this.

-All right now, Dennis.

I want you to tell me the whole

story right from the beginning.

-Well, you see, there's this

club called the Scorpions

and I wanted to be in it.

So if it hadn't been

for Walter Hooper,

I guess the goat would've

been there all the time.

-Oh Dennis.

You are a good boy.

You have made a well man of me.

By jove, Martha.

I am going to play at the

country club after all.

-Maybe you ought to

call Dr. Ferguson?

-Oh yes.

I should be able to get him

at his office right now.

Well he get a laugh out of this.

Just wait until he hears.

-We're fed up with

that Walter Hooper,

and you know what we're

going to do, Dennis?

-If the members of the club

impress me as the right sort,

I might let them put me up for

board of directors next year.

I could-- Oh, hello.

Dr. Ferguson, please.

This is John Wilson.

-Dr. Ferguson can't

speak to anyone

right now, and certainly

not to you, Mr. Wilson.

-What do you mean

certainly not to me?

Where is he?

Is he there?

-He's here all right, but I'm

trying to calm his nerves.

He keeps insisting he saw

a goat in your garage.

-Oh yes.

I-- I know about that.

That's why I called.

A goat wearing a

derby hat, and spats,

and playing the Stars and

Stripes Forever on a bugle.

-Oh, no, no, Ms. Jackson.

Not the Stars and Stripes.

The goat was playing

Suwanee River.

For heaven's sake,

get it straight.

-Sorry doctor.

I've got to hang

up now, Mr. Wilson.

I've got to call a doctor.

-Oh, but nurse, I-- I-- Nurse?

Hello?

Hello.

Hello.

Great heavens, Martha.

Poor Freddie

Ferguson has flipped.

-Oh, dear.

-Oh, this is dreadful.

Now I'll never get in that club.

-Don't worry, Mr. Wilson.

Me, and Tommy,

and the other kids

have just made up a swell

new club, the Buzzards.

-And it's a very exclusive club.

Just for us older fellows.

-Yeah.

And we're gonna let

you join because you're

the oldest fellow we know.

You can be a buzzard.

-Well bully for me.

[theme music]

NARRATOR: This has been a

Screen Gems film production

from the Hollywood studios

of Columbia Pictures.