01x09 - Employee of the Month

[bunniefuu]

Hmmm.

Sheer perfection in a stick jar.

In Japan, I'd be elected

president.

I'm impressed.

Dude, you're freaking me out

with the clipboard.

I feel like I'm in school or

something.

I'm a secret shopper.

Check it out.

I go to stores and pretend to

shop, then I rate their service.

How can it be a secret if you

just told me?

That's the best part!

You let it slip that you're the

secret shopper, and everyone's

so into getting a good rating,

they just start giving you stuff

for free!

Nice.

So, what's the special today?

Noodles on a stick.

It sure looks good.

Darn right, made it myself.

A bunch of free noodles would

probably be really delicious,

huh?

Yeah, a whole bunch of

delicious.

Jude, give me a free box and

I'll give you a high rating.

Oh, yeah!

Right.

♪

♪ Life begins after school

♪ That's when we bend

all the rules ♪

♪ Time to hang

with all my friends ♪

♪ We like to be together

in a place where we belong ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

♪ Starting to find my way

♪ Got a new job

♪ Gonna start at

the mall today ♪

♪ Thank God I'm on my own

for the first time ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

♪ Life is sweet

♪ When you're growing up

so fast ♪

♪ You got to make the good

times last ♪

♪

♪ I'm sixteen, sixteen

♪ Got to make the good times

last ♪

CHRISSY: Khaki kind of day!

Can you run these returns

through?

In a minute.

Excuse me?

You're not even doing anything.

Ugh, fine.

I need them done before

Christmas.

I think that might be

possible.

You know what, Nikki?

What, Chrissy?

You are about this close to

being so fired.

Tell me when I'm this close,

and I'll call a cab.

See ya!

Are you the manager here?

Yes, can I help you?

I really shouldn't tell you

this, but, I'm a secret shopper

hired by the mall's head office

to do a report on customer

service.

Oh!

So, is there anything I can do

to help the evaluation go

smoothly?

Now that you mention it, I do

like your current line of cargo

pants.

They come in five shades of

tan.

Give me a good recommendation,

and I can give you the

boyfriends-only discount.

Really?

Nice.

Here's a tip.

Khaki Barn head office is

considering you as manager of

the year.

No way!

Yes, way!

In fact, they said if it weren't

for one of your salespeople

lagging behind every month,

you'd be a shoo in.

You know, just when you think

you've made it to the top,

someone drags you down.

Tell head office to consider her

fired.

Well, you gotta do what you

gotta do, right?

I'll try these on now.

The change rooms are over

there.

Sweet.

Oh, Nikki!

Wait, did-- did you just say

you were gonna fire someone?

Oh, yeah.

Nikki's a total pain in my butt.

I cannot wait to fire her.

Yeah, but as manager, you

think-- think you could show

more superior management skills

by-- I don't know-- training

her?

Her sales were negative %

last month.

The downtown location hasn't

fired an employee in fifteen

years.

Is that how you wanna be known?

As the manager who fires people?

You don't understand.

She's like a bratty little kid.

I can't bring her into line.

Yeah, but if you could,

imagine the respect you'd get

upstairs.

Oh, I'd be such the hero.

I could give you some ideas

if you want.

I'll be in the change room.

I'll be in the can.

[Zipper rasping]

Okay, tell me what to do to

make manager of the year.

You said Nikki's like a kid?

Maybe a little reverse

psychology would work.

It's not a bad idea, thanks.

I'm such a good friend.

So, who's your employer?

I got interviewed by the dude

who used to do my job.

Wait, how will they know what a

good job I'm doing if they don't

know who I am?

Who cares?

I do!

I've never done a good job at

school, or cleaning my room.

I want someone to know.

All I have for the Stick

It is a telephone number.

I'll catch you later.

Soft and Lacy's about to have a

Christmas sale for a certain

secret shopper.

And so the quest for my real

boss begins.

I will find him.

Or her.

That sweater is so perfect on

you!

I see a lot of girls come in

here, and you are definitely one

of them.

It's always like this at the

end of the month.

Why?

Chrissy picks employee of the

month and they all scream and

congratulate each other.

Wow, that's really sad.

You rocked that sale!

It's like taking candy from a

baby.

Who loves Khaki Barn?

We love Khaki Barn!

TOGETHER: Who, who, who!

That girl looks horrible in

that sweater.

You're sending her out into the

world begging to be humiliated.

[Sobbing]

Look what you've done.

You're just jealous of my

superior retailing ability.

Yeah, you'll never make

employee of the month.

I'd rather pull a watermelon

out of my nose.

I'm going for more coffee.

Later.

Oh, reverse psychology.

Of course.

I just know Chrissy's going

to pick me this month.

As if, I am so the next EOTM.

I am buying you an alarm

clock, 'cause you're so

dreaming.

I am so much perkier than you.

Oh, as if!

Why don't you two get a life?

Employee of the month is a

big honour.

Not like you need to worry.

What'd I miss?

Nothing important.

Come on.

I'm proud to announce that

our newest employee of the month

is...

[Squealing]

Nikki!

TOGETHER: Who?!

Me?

[Screaming]

CO-WORKER: Why?

CO-WORKER: How?

Congratulations, Nikki.

I know you'll make us all proud.

[Laughing]

I can't wait to tell

everybody!

You tell anyone, and I will

rip every appendage from your

skinny little body, one by one.

Got it.

Why don't you take a break?

You've earned it.

Uh-huh.

By the end of the week,

she'll be one of us.

You should have seen Nikki's

face.

I would have paid big bucks,

man.

[Giggling]

She's right behind me, isn't

she?

My credibility as a human

being has been destroyed.

People will think I actually

like the Khaki Barn.

I've never been employee of

the month.

It might have been your soup

on a stick promotion.

Whatever.

Gotta get back there in case my

boss calls.

Later.

Excuse me?

I'm having a crisis here.

Why all the drama, Nikki?

It just shows that they have

faith in you.

That's the point.

Khaki Barn stands for everything

I loathe.

Well, I'd love to be employee

of the month.

I've been k*lling myself for

this secret shopper that's

supposed to be making the

rounds.

You mean like a shopping

spy?

Who gets paid?

To shop?!

Just keep an eye out.

It could be anyone.

I'm sure you'll have nothing

to worry about.

Tell that to Coach Halder,

later.

Why didn't they ask me to be

the secret shopper?

I'd be so good at that!

Don't know, don't care.

I gotta go back to work.

Me too.

See you after work, khaki queen.

WYATT: Good one.

Huh?

What?

They're freaking me out,

Chrissy.

You get used to it.

People don't always know how to

deal with strong women, like us.

Like us?

We have nothing in common.

See, that's where you're

wrong.

When I was your age, no one

wanted to believe in me either.

You're only two years older

than me.

Responsibility can change you

pretty fast.

Suddenly people are, like,

depending on you.

And the weird thing is, you

start to like it.

Later!

[Gasping]

Ew.

Excuse me, if you're not too

busy, I'd love your opinion on

these.

Seriously?

They're the ugliest things I've

ever seen.

Try the butt-lifter jeans.

They're ugly too, but at least

they're on sale.

Thanks, I'm sure you're

right.

Really?

Why?

You're employee of the month.

Huh?

Hey, pod girls, do people always

buy what you tell them to just

because your picture's up on the

wall?

Yes.

I just don't get it.

Why her?!

Thanks for the demo CD's.

[Sniffing]

Oh, I smell a great employee

evaluation.

Nikki's employee of the

month, and Jonesy is rating our

work?

The end must be near.

COACH HALDER: Masterson!

Masterson!

Excuse me, miss?

Jonesy, can't you see I'm

busy?

Could I get some service

here?

Give me a break.

I don't have time for your games

today.

This secret shopper could be

anyone.

It could be anyone, but it's

not.

It's me!

You?

Yeah, right.

No, really, it's me!

So just give me a deal on a

sweatshirt and I'll make sure

you get a good report.

Look, I'm covering two

shifts, it's a stock day and I

have to be on my best behaviour

because of this stupid secret

shopper.

Yeah, but--

I've got enough to do without

you coming in with your, "Miss,

miss, pay attention to me!

Because I'm Jonesy, and I

always have to be the centre of

attention."

I'm not kidding!

I've got a clipboard and

everything.

Don't make me hurt you,

because I will.

And there's a lot of things to

hurt you with around here.

Ski poles, hockey sticks,

baseball bats.

I think I could even get

creative with a dodge ball

watcher!

Masterson!

Is that any way to treat a

customer, hmm?

Oh, uh-- he's not really a

customer, Coach.

He's--

Anyone who comes through that

door is a customer.

And we treat our customers like

hall of famers.

I'm sorry for the behaviour of

my team, sir.

Can I help you?

No, thanks.

I was just browsing.

What's gotten into you?

You're my first-string

quarterback, but you fumbled

that one out of the park.

But he-- oh, never mind.

Now, I'm leaving you here to

call the place for awhile.

I've got a hot date tonight with

the filly who runs the Scotch

Tape Emporium.

I need some slick new slacks.

Now, get out there and sell!

Break!

Yes, Coach!

Yeah, is it too tight on me?

Um- I-- uh-- no.

It actually looks pretty good.

Mmm-hmm, fine.

I'll take it.

What would look good with these

pants?

This baby tee kind of

matches.

They're both blue.

Oh, you're right.

I'll take two.

Was anybody helping you

today?

That girl behind you.

She has great fashion sense.

Oh, Nikki?

She's one of my best customer

fashion consultants.

Thanks for shopping here!

Have a khaki day!

That was so very.

I think you're finally ready,

Nikki.

What's going on?

I thought you hated me.

On a personal level, yes.

But your sales are up % since

yesterday.

They are?

Wow.

No wonder you wanted to fire me.

Being employee of the month

isn't exactly on your list of

things to accomplish in life, is

it?

It's on mine!

It's number two!

There's, like, a lot of

opportunity here for a girl like

you, you know.

You have the ability to give

people the gift of style.

You just need some guidance.

Give it a think.

And while you're doing that,

relax in the elite employee of

the month lounge.

Okay.

Whoa!

COMPUTER: Welcome.

Make yourself comfortable.

You are among the chosen.

The elite members of the Khaki

Barn family.

The Khaki Barn: it's all about

you.

Okay.

We're making the world a more

uniformly stylish place, one

pair of pants at a time.

At the Khaki Barn, we believe

that individuality is highly

overrated.

Facial jewellery does not

comply with our wardrobe

policy.

Please remove any piercings

now.

[Telephone ringing]

Whoa!

[Line beeping]

Hello, hello?

Anybody there?

Man, that's spooky.

Every time I dial the number,

it rings and then I get the call

waiting beep, but nobody's

there.

Weird, huh?

Yeah.

Hey, Jen, did the lemon juice

eat away at your nail polish

too?

I don't wear nail polish.

I'm, like, Wolverine's

girlfriend.

Actually, Hugh Jackman's really

hot, so that wouldn't be so bad.

Jen, you look totally wiped.

This secret shopper thing is

driving me crazy.

And then Jonesy comes in

pretending to be him so he can

scam free stuff.

I hate to break it to you,

Jen, but Jonesy is the secret

shopper.

What?

No way!

Him?

I'm such a better shopper than

he is!

What's shaking, amigos?

Jonesy, my best friend in the

world!

Come on.

Okay.

I heard you're doing a really

good job as the secret shopper.

I still can't believe they

let Jonesy do my--

[Gasping]

Hey, guys.

JUDE: What the--?!

Nikki, are you all right?

Yeah, actually, I had a

really cool experience today.

I sold this woman an entire

outfit, and she was, like, so

happy.

And it's all because of that

employee of the month award.

Well, you look really cute.

I love your baby tee.

And, it comes in four

different shades of pink.

Khaki Barn: it's all about you.

[Watch beeping]

Oops, gotta run.

I just came by to tell you that

there's a blend into the crowd

sale this afternoon.

Only at the Barn.

See you there.

I think the Khaki Barn is

finally starting to get to her.

We've got to do something.

Come on.

SALESGIRL: Welcome to the

Khaki Barn!

Hi, guys!

Why are you employee of the

month?

It should have been me.

As if!

[Grunting]

You're the employee of the

month.

That's me.

Go Khaki, or go home.

All righty, I need to score

a touchdown with a

a first-stringer, and I need the

correct uniform.

Translation, please?

I've got a date and I need to

look good.

Can you help me?

There is no butt that our

average Joe chinos won't fit.

Come on!

Are you sure that's Nikki?

They've definitely messed

with her head.

Nikki hasn't been that nice

since she was three!

Maybe they brainwashed her.

I'll be spiking the ball in

the end zone with this little

ensemble.

They are so totally you.

Let me know how they fit.

Now's our chance.

Move it!

Pssst!

What are you guys doing here?

Okay, don't freak out, but we

think you've been brainwashed by

the Khaki Barn to become a

clone.

Is that what this is about?

You're so silly.

I'm totally fine.

Look at what they've done to

you!

You're wearing pink!

And butterfly clips... pink

butterfly clips, Nikki!

I don't even know you

anymore, dude.

You're hideous.

Now hold on, Nikki.

Don't do anything you'll regret.

Calmly step away from the

lip gloss.

Let me try.

Get a hold of yourself, girl!

You're turning into one of them.

And okay, it's fun to have you

be nice to me, but you're

totally freaking me out!

What have they done to me?!

I am hideous!

I look-- I look like you!

Now that's the Nikki we love.

These are the latest.

They inflate, and they're also

an MP player.

[Music playing]

% off then, just for you?

It'll take a lot to change my

mind about your earlier

evaluation.

I'm a man of principles, you

know.

Free then?

Put them with the rest.

Wanna try this new tennis

racquet?

It's from the John McEnroe line.

Bang it on the ground and--

TENNIS RACQUET: Ow, what are

you, blind?!

Can I have it for free?

It's worth $ !

Hmmm.

Okay, free.

Sure.

I'll just take it out of my next

ten paycheques.

Since when do they let morons

become umpires, morons?!

I heard about some thermal

underwear that massage your butt

while you ski.

Right away.

I don't know what would have

happened to me if it weren't for

you guys.

You'd have done the same for

us.

Man, I'm just glad I don't

have a boss like yours.

That I know of.

Well, I've never been a good

influence before and I'm not

about to start now.

So, it was all, like, a trick

to get her to behave like a true

khaki fashion consultant?

I knew it couldn't be true!

I have to say, it's been so

much more pleasant to be around

her.

[Gasping]

You almost had me there,

Chrissy.

Yeah, you sure did.

But nobody...nobody comes

between me and my nose

jewellery.

Humph, nice try.

Oooh, that's cute.

Do you have that in a six?

Kinda stepping on the moment

here, Caitlin.

Sorry.

Yo, sales chick, I need some

service over here if you don't

mind.

Bite me!

I'm going on my break.

Hmmm...bad attitude, terrible

customer service from the staff.

Looks like I'm gonna have to

give your store an average

performance review after all.

You just made me lose manager

of the year, you-- you

"unkhaki" loser!

I tried to reform her, but my

training didn't stick!

What?

Reform her?

Give me that!

You're the reason I got stuck

with employee of the month?!

I'm taking the rest of the day

off.

Fine!

Come on, Nikki, give it back.

And you can forget about

using the elite bathrooms!

Does this mean EOTM is up for

grabs?

Yes, and she's picking me.

Only in your dreams.

In your dreams, too.

'Cause even in your dreams,

she'll pick me!

Get out of my dreams!

[Scuffling]

Ow!

Get out of my hair!

I'll come back another time.

Back off my baby tee!

Caitlin, a glass of your

finest lemon slush, please?

What's the "dealy-o," Jonesy?

Nikki rewrote all my reports.

When they saw her A+, they knew

I was lying.

It's called karma, man.

Your yin just bit your yang in

the butt.

Yeah, well my yin just blew

the best job I ever had.

Yup, all in a days work.

Jonesy?

Hey, Jen, how's it going?

Now that you've lost your

secret shopper job, I thought

you, me and John could have a

little chat.

John?

You want some of this?

Now, wait, Jen.

Let's talk this out!

[Screaming]

Are you nuts, or are you

blind?!

Ow, moron!

Ugh.

Maybe my boss just doesn't

wanna be found.

He could be a hermit.

If you ask me, dude, you just

won the lottery.

Bosses are a pain in the butt.

[Numbers dialling]

[Telephone ringing]

[Gasping]

Stick It, hold please.

Oh, hello.

I'm looking for the boss of

Stick It.

Hello?

Hello?

Whoa.

If I'm correct, this could only

mean--

You're the boss of Stick It!

Dude!

Jude!

And may I say, you're doing an

excellent job, top marks.

Yeah, I'm a good kid.

So, as my own boss, I guess I

get to give myself breaks.

Definitely.

You still out of a job?

Of course.

Cool.

Movies all afternoon, on me.

♪