04x24 - My Four Boys

[bunniefuu]

-So, you boys are letting me

become the first and only adult

member of your brand-new

explorers club.

-That's right, Dad.

-And to what do I

owe this distinction?

-We need somebody who's really

been around, Mr. Mitchell.

-And besides, Dad's so

big and strong and smart.

-And all the kids like you, Dad.

-And we like your money, too.

-Aha.

-Now you did it, Seymour.

-You and your big mouth.

-And, uh, how much

does it cost to join

this elite little club of yours?

- . .

-$ . ?

Well, what are you

boys gonna explore?

Europe?

Well, you see, Dad, all of

the members except Seymour

here need pith helmets.

-Like this.

It's my pop's.

-They cost .

each, Mr. Mitchell.

-I'm sorry, boys.

-$ ?

-$ ?

-$ ?

-Two bits and four sodas?

-Thank you, fellas, but I

suggest you find somebody

for your explorers club with a

little more adventurous spirit.

-Like who?

-Well, like, uh, like

your mother over there.

-(DISAPPROVING) Henry Mitchell.

-Hello, Ma.

-I can't be bothered now, boys.

I'm very busy.

-Gee, Dennis, where are going

to find a grown-up who likes

adventure and has

. he's not using?

-How about Mr. Wilson?

He never uses any of his money.

-Hey, that's a

swell idea, Tommy.

And Mr. Wilson's

full of adventure.

Why, he just wrote

an article on travel.

-Mr. Wilson is a tightwad.

-Mr. Wilson isn't exactly

a tightwad, Seymour.

He's just awful

fond of his money.

Come on, let's go ask him.

[theme music]

-Oh, I'm glad you've started

collecting stamps again, dear.

Hobbies will do you good.

-Well, I've got them

all grouped according

to countries now, Eloise.

All I have to do is just

mount them in the album--

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

-Hello, dear.

-Dennis, close that window.

-Are you cold, Mr. Wilson?

-No, I am not c-- oh,

never mind, never mind.

Now, what do you children want?

-We're starting a brand-new

explorers club, Mr. Wilson.

And we want you to be our

honorary adult charter member.

-Dennis, I have no desire.

-Because you've

traveled all over.

-And you're big and strong and--

-Flattery will get you nowhere.

-And brave.

-And you're also a famous

writer, Mr. Wilson.

-Who everyone respects

and listens to.

-Oh, uh, oh, so you want me

to be a charter member, eh?

Well, all right.

-Three cheers for

good ol' Mr. Wilson.

Hip, hip--

-(ALL) Hooray!

Hip, hip, hooray!

Hip, hip, hooray!

-Well, thank you,

fellow club members.

-That'll be $ .

initiation fee, Mr. Wilson.

-Fine.

I'll g-- $ . !

-Does $ sound better?

-Dennis, I wouldn't join

your silly explorers club

if you paid me $ .

[phone ringing]

-Hello?

Just a minute.

-It's for you, dear.

-All right, boys, goodbye.

Go, go, go.

The idea of trying to

get me to shell out $ .

Hello.

Speaking.

Eloise, do we know

a Mr. Griffin?

-I'm calling to inform

you, Mr. Wilson, that you

are one of the lucky winners

in our third annual family soap

contest.

-I am?

Eloise, I won, I won.

-Won what?

-Shh.

Well, of course I'll be at

home at o'clock tomorrow

afternoon.

My son?

Oh, uh, my sons.

-Your sons?

-Eloise, be-- uh.

Well, uh, Mr. Griffin, I'm

afraid the little tykes will

be at school at that time, and--

-All righty then,

Mr. Wilson, I'll

drop by after

school, around :

to meet those fine

youngsters of yours.

Now, now, Mr. Wilson, I

won't take no for an answer.

Goodbye.

-B-- b-- but, Mr. Griffin.

Ah-- he hung up.

-John, John, what

is this all about?

What did you win?

-Well, I entered the soap

contest a few months,

why my family likes family

soap in words or less.

-And I thought you were

writing all that time.

-Well, I won, didn't I?

-Well, that's wonderful, dear,

but, John, what does all this

have to do with our

having children?

-Look, rule number

three, all contestants

of the family soap

contest must be parents.

-How many offspring did

you tell them we had, John?

-Rule number four,

in cases where

any misrepresentation on the

part of the winning contestant

can be proven, said prize

will be declared forfeited.

-How many, dear?

-Four boys.

-Oh, dear.

John, the next time I'm about to

become the mother of four sons,

please give me a

little more notice.

-But, Eloise, thing of

all these valuable prizes.

Look, $ , first prize.

Second prize, $ , .

Third prize, $ , .

And other valuable prizes.

-Now, now, dear,

ju-- just calm down.

For all you know,

you may have won

one of valuable

Chinese backscratchers.

-Eloise, that man wouldn't

be coming over here in person

tomorrow unless I

was a big winner.

And he'll expect to

meet those four boys.

-Well, don't look at me, dear.

It's your little family.

-Very funny.

Very funny.

There must be

something I can do.

[sawing sound outside]

-Eloise, congratulate me.

I am about to become a father.

[construction sounds]

-Uh, I'm ready for

another board, Dennis.

-Gee, Mr. Wilson, it

sure is swell of you

to let us put up our new

clubhouse in your yard,

and help us build it.

-After all, fellas,

what are friends

for, unless it's to help

their fellow friends?

-I think he flipped his lid.

-Seymour.

-Would you help me hold this

board in place, Mr. Wilson?

Give me the hammer so I can--

-No, I'll-- I'll nail

it up for you, Dennis.

I'll nail it right here.

There we are.

[yells in pain]

Oh!

-I don't get it.

Mr. Wilson not only

insisted the children build

the clubhouse in his yard,

but he's even helping them.

-[chuckles] I tell you, dear.

We may never see the first

seven wonders of the world,

but we've got front row

seats for the eighth.

-I'm awful sorry it

happened, Mr. Wilson.

-So am I. But it--

it's all right now.

-Gee, guys, it's

coming along swell.

-Where's the television antenna?

-Seymour, clubhouses

don't have televisions.

-Yeah, that's kid stuff.

-Say, boys, I have an idea.

Oh.

Why don't I throw a party at

my house tomorrow afternoon.

-A party?

What for?

-Who cares?

-Yeah.

Well, to celebrate

the new clubhouse.

And besides, an

old friend of mine

is coming by tomorrow

afternoon, and I'd

like him to meet you four boys.

-Is this party gonna have

ice cream and everything?

-Ice cream and everything.

-What will it cost us?

-It won't cost you

anything, Seymour.

It's on me.

-Gee, it sounds

swell, Mr. Wilson.

-Yeah, I'll be there.

-Me too.

But, Dennis, what about our

baseball game after school

tomorrow?

With the Green Hornets.

-Well, uh, couldn't

you postpone it?

-Well, gee, I don't

know, Mr. Wilson.

-It's a grudge game.

-Uh, well, there'll be all the

chocolate cake you can eat.

-With marshmallow icing?

-With marshmallow icing.

-Hey, guys, maybe it'll

rain tomorrow afternoon.

-Yeah.

The paper said

something about rain.

-Yeah.

Fellas, I hereby make a

motion that we call the game

on account of rain and go to

Mr. Wilson's party instead.

-I second the motion.

-All in favor, say aye.

-(TOGETHER) Aye.

-No.

-No?

Are you some kind

of a nut, Seymour?

-He has to join our club first.

-Join your club?

-Aw, come on, Seymour.

Mr. Wilson helped

build our clubhouse,

and he's throwing a free party.

-No.

-It's no use, Mr. Wilson.

Our club bylaws say all

votes must be unanimous.

-All right, all right.

I'll join your silly

explorers club, for $ .

Seymour, do you mind?

There you are.

-Gee, thanks, Mr. Wilson.

-Here's a clean pen, Dennis.

-Give me your hand, Mr. Wilson.

-What for?

-Your oath in blood.

-My oath in (yells) blood!

-Yep, he's got some.

-Something tells me

that you are going

to grow up to be a

vampire, Seymour.

-Does that pay as

good as a fireman?

-Oh.

-Now all you gotta do to

be a full-fledged member

is to get initiated.

-Well, that seems like a

reasona-- get initiated?

-Sure.

To-- to show you're

tough enough to be

a member of the explorers club.

-It's fun.

You gotta do things like,

uh, eat raw turtle eggs.

-Or eat a banana while

you're hanging upside down

from a tree with one knee.

-Uh, well, uh,

fellas, I-- I think

I have to go into the

house for a minute.

We'll talk about that

later, all right?

-Sure.

-Oh, and don't forget, I want

to see you at my house tomorrow

right after school

for that party.

-Gee, we wouldn't

forget that, Mr. Wilson.

-And you better make

that two chocolate cakes.

-You know, Dennis, I think we're

going to need some more wood.

-Well, problem is, Tommy,

where are we gonna get it?

-How about that

old house they're

tearing down on Walnut Street?

-Hey, that's a

great idea, Scotty.

They'll probably give

us all the old wood

we need just to get rid of us.

-Sure, Dennis.

They'd never miss it.

-Come on, guys.

Let's go.

-Watch what you're

doing, Seymour.

You dropped a board back there.

[tires popping]

-Uh-oh.

-Hey, you kids.

I'll get you for this.

-He looks mean.

-Come back here.

Do you hear me?

-It was that old board

you dropped, Seymour.

-Three flat tires.

[tire popping]

-I'll get you kids for this

if it's the last thing I do.

-Well, I must say,

Eloise, you're no help.

Here we may win $ , and

you're walking out on me.

-I told you before,

John, I thoroughly

disapprove of the way

you intend passing

those poor unsuspecting

children off as your own.

-Poor unsuspecting

children, indeed.

Eloise, I have just spent

over $ for goodies,

to make their poor unsuspecting

little tummies jump for joy.

-I'm sorry, dear.

I refuse to be a party

to the deception.

-Women.

I'll wager you won't hesitate

to spend your share of the prize

money when I do get it.

-That's right, dear.

If you get it.

Bye.

-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

-Hello, boys.

-Aren't you staying for our

swell explorers party, Mrs.

Wilson.

-Well, thank you, dear,

but I'm going forth

on an exploring party of my own.

-Hi, Mr Wilson.

-Well, well, right on time.

There it is.

-Wow!

-Look at the cake.

-Look at those gum drops.

-Fill me up.

-Fill yourself up, Seymour.

Go ahead.

Dig in, boys.

-You know something, Mr. Wilson?

-Hmm?

-All those people who keep

saying you're a tightwad,

they don't know the real you.

-Excuse me, ma'am.

-Yes?

-Could you tell me if there

are any small children living

around here?

-Oh my goodness, yes.

All ages, shapes, and sizes.

-Well, these are four boys,

so-- so high to, uh, so high.

-Is one of them a blond?

-Yes.

I think he's the leader.

-Oh.

Look.

You see that shingle house

with the fence around it?

-Mm-hm.

-I think you'll find them there.

-Thank you very much.

-Not at all.

What is it you want with them?

-Well, I, um, I have

a surprise for them.

-Oh.

-Well, everybody happy?

-Yeah.

-Nice, swell party.

-Fine, fine, fine.

Now, um, I-- I have a favor

I'd like to ask of you boys.

-I told you he was

gonna charge us.

-I am not going to

charge you, Seymour.

Now, as I mentioned yesterday,

an old friend of mine

is going to drop

over this afternoon.

And, well, he's

due at any minute.

And, well, I need your help.

-What kind of help, Mr. Wilson?

-Well, I want Mr.

Griffin-- uh, that's

the man who's coming

over-- to think

that I am the father

of you four boys.

As a joke.

-That's a joke?

-Come on, you guys.

After the swell party,

the least we could do

is help Mr. Wilson

play a little joke.

-It's OK with me.

-Me too.

-You're too fat to be my father.

-Quiet, Seymour.

-Yeah.

Shut your big mouth and eat.

-How can I do that?

-Seymour.

Now look, for the sake of

this little subterfuge,

you, Dennis, will be Timmy.

You, Tommy, will be Judd.

You, Scotty, will be Harry.

And, Seymour, you are--

-Sleepy.

-Now, cut it out.

Malcolm.

-I don't wanna be Malcolm.

-Seymour.

-I don't even wanna be Seymour.

-Now, when Mr. Griffin

arrives, let me do the talking.

[door bell]

-There he is now.

Remember now, uh, Timmy.

Judd, Harry--

-Murray.

-Malcolm!

[door bell]

-And they say us kids play

corny jokes on each other.

-Yeah.

How corny can you get?

-Mr. Griffin, come in, come in.

-Griffin?

My name's Burrows.

-Burrows?

Oh, they must have

sent someone else.

I was expecting Mr.

Griffin. [chuckles]

-Are those your kids?

-Yes, they are, Mr. Burrows.

-Jeepers, it's him!

-Oh, fellas, come

on, come on now.

Don't be shy.

-Shy?

We're scared.

-Are these all your kids?

-I'm not.

-[chuckles] Always joking.

Yes, they're all

mine, every blessed

one of the little tykes.

-Mr. Wilson, that man's--

-Please, Timmy.

[chuckles nervously] The-- oh,

that's Timmy.

That's Judd.

-Save the formal

introductions, mister.

Just fork over $ .

-Yes.

Now-- $ ?

-Correct.

I have three flat tires, and

one tire completely ruined.

Now, that's what they did

to me, dragging boards

with nails into the street.

-My kids?

-Gee, mister, we

didn't mean to do it.

-Tell that to your

old man, sonny.

- smackers.

-Yeah.

Oh well, now, I--

I have to tell you.

I-- I was only fooling.

I'm not their father.

-That's right, mister.

-You see, you see, even he

knows that I'm not his father.

-Nice try, buster.

Now what's it gonna be,

$ or a punch in the nose?

-Take the punch in the nose.

-Wait.

Uh, just a minute.

Ca-- ca-- calm down.

I-- I have the $ .

, , , uh, .

-That's better.

These aren't my kids.

-Do you children realize

you have just cost me $ ?

-We're sorry, Mr. Wilson.

-It wasn't our fault.

-Dad.

-Never mind.

Sit down.

Finish your ice cream.

Now, uh, look, children,

the-- the real Mr. Griffin

will be here any second.

So--

-Wait a minute, Mr.

Wilson, didn't you

say Mr. Griffin was a

good friend of yours?

-Uh, ye-- yes, I did, Dennis.

Now, when he arrives--

-Then why didn't you

know what he looked like?

-Uh, well, uh, we are pen pals.

-Something smells fishy to me.

-All right, fellas,

I'll level with you.

I entered a contest,

which I won.

But in order to

collect my prize,

the man who is coming

here this afternoon

must think that

I have four sons.

-I hate to say it,

Mr. Wilson, but I sure

am disappointed in you.

-That's why you helped

us with the clubhouse

and joined our explorers club.

-And bribed us with this party.

-I've been bribed,

I've been bribed.

-Oh now, now, please.

Uh, children, you

don't understand.

-You even took an oath

in blood, Mr. Wilson.

Come on, guys.

Let's go.

-No, no, no.

Children, you-- you

can't leave me now.

I-- I'll even pay you.

-Mr. Wilson, there isn't

enough money to-- pay us?

-Just name your own price.

-$ million.

-Gee, Dennis, we could use

some money for pith helmets.

-Well, we could at least

talk it over, I suppose.

Come on, fellas.

-Oh, good, good.

Uh, but hurry, hurry.

Huh?

-I'd like his watch.

-OK, Mr. Wilson, we'll be

your sons on one condition,

that you buy each of

us a new pith helmet.

-That'll cost $ .

-It's a deal.

Uh, $ .

[door bell]

-There he is.

Come on, fellas.

Come on.

Uh, line up right here.

Here.

Now remember,

Timmy, Judd, Harry--

-Murray.

-No.

Malcolm.

-Mr. Wilson?

-Mr. Griffin, come in, sir.

Come in.

I, uh-- I want you to

meet my four fine sons.

Timmy, Judd, Harry--

-Mmm--

-And Malcolm.

-Fine-looking lads, indeed.

You certainly are a big chap

for nine years old, Harry.

-Nine years old?

Are you kidding?

-Uh, boys, uh, why don't

you finish your ice cream.

-Uh, wait a minute,

wait a minute.

Uh, what's your name again, son?

-Timmy Mitchell, sir?

-Mitchell?

-Yeah.

Uh, he's a-- a stepson.

-And you haven't given

him your own name?

-Well, you see--

-My last name is William.

-Uh, uh, he's a stepson

by my, uh, second wife.

-He hates me.

-Seymour, I don't hate you.

-Seymour?

-Oh, well, I changed his

first name to Malcolm

because I don't like Seymour.

-I see.

You changed his first

name but not his last.

Mr. Wilson, what kind

of a stepfather are you?

-Jeepers, Mr. Wilson would make

a swell stepfather for any kid.

-Mr. Wilson?

You make your stepsons

call you Mr. Wilson.

-Oh.

Well, I'm a firm believer

in, uh, a strict discipline.

-That's why he beats me.

-The child has a

vivid imagination.

-Yes.

Well, now to get on with the

real purpose of my visit.

-Ah, yes, the contest.

-What size shoes do

you wear, children?

-Size shoes?

-You won the th

prize, Mr. Wilson.

A new pair of shoes for

each of your four sons.

-Oh, no.

-Boy, did you hear that, Dennis?

-Could we get hiking

shoes, Mr. Griffin?

-Oh, you certainly

can, young man.

On second thought, you can

fill out your own sizes.

Here's a gift certificate

for you, and one for you--

-Excuse me.

-And one for you.

-I'll-- I'll take those.

-You will not.

-And one for you.

-Oh boy.

Thanks a lot, Mr. Griffin.

-Gee, thanks.

-You're quite welcome, children.

And, Mr. Wilson, may

I suggest that you

try to be a better father

and adopt these boys?

-You'll never adopt me.

-You poor lad.

You, sir, are a terrible man.

Good day.

-$ for the party, $

for dues, $ for tires,

$ for pith helmets.

That comes to $ .

$ , and for what?

-We got free shoes, Mr. Wilson.

-Yeah.

-Will my mom and

dad be surprised.

-Children, will you

please all go home?

-OK, Mr. Wilson.

And don't feel too bad.

We forgive ya.

-Yeah, especially after we

get our new pith helmets.

-Then take us to the circus.

-Oh.

And my name is still Seymour.

-I wonder what my horoscope

said for me today.

-Mr. Wilson?

Mr. Wilson, believe it or not,

I got some swell news for you.

-I don't believe it,

but what is it, Dennis?

-Since Seymour's getting

a new pith helmet,

he said you can

have his old one.

-Oh, for Pete's sake.

-We'll be by to pick you up

in a half an hour, Mr. Wilson.

-Pick me up?

Whatever for?

-To put you through

your initiation

for the explorers club.

-Dennis, if you think I'm

going through that ridiculous

initiation of yours

after all this,

you are out of your

cotton-picking mind.

-John, dinner's ready.

-He'll be in in a

minute, Mrs. Wilson.

-You hurry, dear.

I don't want things to get cold.

-Just as soon as I

finish this silly banana.

-Come on, Mr. Wilson.

You can do it.

-Yeah, eat the banana!

-You can do it!

-Yeah!

[cheering]

[theme music]