02x45 - The Wedding Destroyers

[bunniefuu]

:

♪

I can't believe my wedding is

only days away.

JEN: Tell me about it.

I'm about to inherit smelly

stepbrothers.

I don't think this dress will

fit me.

Sure it will.

And don't forget they'll be my

smelly stepsons.

JEN: Yeah, well you don't

have to share a bathroom with

them.

Oh, maybe it won't be that

bad.

You don't know, Mom.

They spit all over the sink,

leave their nasty underwear on

the ground, and they never wash

their towels.

Oh, and yesterday they ate all

the nacho chips.

(Sighing)

(Laughing)

I'm not saying that I don't

want you to marry Jonesy's dad.

I just wish we would could stay

in our house instead of moving

into theirs.

Jen, we already went over

this.

Their house is much bigger than

ours and there's of us now.

COURTNEY: At least Jonesy and

Diego are moving up to the loft

as soon as it's finished so we

can have their rooms.

All set.

Oh Courtney, you look

beautiful.

It's so pretty, Mom.

Oh, you have the perfect body

for this dress.

Jen, come out.

Let's see you.

(Gasping)

Oh dear.

I know, I know.

Flat-chested Jen can't even fill

out a size .

That's so weird.

My size fits me perfectly.

I'll start pinning.

(Poking)

Ow, watch it!

She has surprisingly large

thighs.

Huh, ugh, I hate this

wedding.

♪

♪ Life begins after school

♪ That's when we bend

all the rules ♪

♪ Time to hang

with all my friends ♪

♪ We like to be together

in a place where we belong ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

♪ Starting to find my way

♪ Got a new job

♪ Gonna start at

the mall today ♪

♪ Thank God I'm on my own

for the first time ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

♪ Life is sweet

♪ When you're growing up

so fast ♪

♪ You got to make the good

times last ♪

♪

♪ I'm sixteen, sixteen

♪ Got to make the good

times last ♪

♪

Do you like white flowers or

pink?

I don't care.

Do you think you'll get

married outdoors or inside a

church?

(Groaning)

(Sighing)

JEN: Hey, guys.

Hey, Jen.

(Gasping)

Oh my gosh.

You look awful.

What's wrong?



Oh, nothing except that I had

zero bathroom time this morning.

It's bad enough Courtney needs

an hour in front of the mirror

and now I have to deal with

boys too.

And they'll fight you for the

bathroom.

I have practically now feeling

left in my upper arms.

Surprise, surprise, the move

in's not going well.

No, and don't even ask about

the dress.

Here, let me fix you up.

Why can't they get married

and just stay in their own

houses?

Then everything would be

perfect.

Good thinking.

Then you could yell even louder

at each other.

(Laughing)

I don't think it works that

way.

Well, it should.

It would be better for the kids.

Jonesy and his brothers are

impossible.

Excusez-moi, it's girls that

are impossible to deal with.

Try having a bathroom drawer

stuffed with tampons and makeup

and listening to chick music all

night.

Oh, yuck.

Exactly.

We only moved in days ago

and already they're playing

couch commando and totally

hogging the remote.

Oh, I hate that!

Then, the guys have this rule

about the big comfy armchair.

Oh, the eating chair?

Yeah, that's the one.

Anyone who's eating gets to

sit in it and if someone has a

bigger meal than you then they

get to kick you out of the

chair which is so unfair because

they're guys.

We'll never eat more than them.

Okay, that is a great rule.

That's the dumbest thing I've

ever heard.

I ate an entire pint of ice

cream last night just to be able

to sit in the chair for

minutes.

You can't change years of

tradition.

That's how it's always been and

that's how it will always be.

Ugh, I have to get to work.

At least one thing in my life

hasn't changed.

Later, girls.

(Clearing throat)

What?!

Have a cow why don't you?

JEN: Aw, gross.

COACH: You're offside,

Masterson!

Fine, give me a penalty.

But it's not my fault.

His feet do stink.

(Sniffing)

(Screaming)

COACH: Holy-- oh my lord--

Holy jumpins--

Y'ello.

Okay, am I overreacting or

are all men barbarians?

Guys are like badly trained

dogs.

They'd all pee on the furniture

if we let them.

You don't think that if I

like Jonesy's dad it's kind of

cheating on my dad, do you?

I mean, even though he's gone I

still feel like he's my dad.

I think he'd be psyched to

know you have someone cool like

Jonesy's dad to be your

stepfather.

He'd want you to be happy.

Can you believe such a nice



dad has such annoying sons?

I know, they must be adopted

or something.

(Laughing)

Jen, I've got to go.

The clones are staring at me.

Yes?

What is that?

It's a bandana.

We use it to decorate customers

remember?

Why is it stuck in your

pocket?

I don't know, I was

decorating the front window like

you told me to and I must have

stuck it in my pocket.

Admit it, you were trying to

steal this bandana.

(Laughing)

Yeah right.

I wouldn't be caught dead in one

of these.

Maybe you'd be caught alive.

What?

That's not all.

Our Khaki Barn logo label g*n is

missing too.

Oh, and what would I do with

one of those?

Wallpaper my bedroom with Khaki

Barn logos?

(Gasping)

Oh, cute idea.

Okay, is the interrogation

over or are you gonna call in

CSI?

We'll be watching you, Nikki.

Hm.

Agh!

Ow.

Ugh, I must have been so bad

in a previous life.

(Struggling)

I thought you girls already

tried your dresses on.

Knock, knock.

Mine's already perfect but Jen

needed a second fitting.

JEN: I heard that.

You guys clean up pretty

well.

I've gotta say I look pretty

money in this tux.

I am so the man.

I can barely move in this

dress now.

Chicks at Grind Me are gonna

go wild when they see me in

these duds at the stag party.

Did you just say your stag

party is at Grind Me?

Yep, Thursday night baby.

They double booked us?

So, Grind Me's a big place.

We can have them both there.

It'll be fun.

You can't have a stag party

at the same place we're having

our shower!

Why not?

(Laughing)

Nice dress.

Shut it.

Because showers are nice,

classy events.

And what the heck does your dad

need a stag for anyway?

He's been married before.

Well, what the heck does your

mom need a shower for?

BOTH: It's tradition!

Exactly.

And you're supposed to be

wearing purple ties to match our

dresses.

We like green.

Well, too bad.

JONESY: Who says you get to

decide?

That's just the way it is.

JONESY: I don't want to wear

a purple tie!

(Gasping)

(Tearing)

Ow, take it easy, sis!

Jonesy, control your

brothers!

Okay, we'll wear the stupid

purple ties but we're not moving



the stag; we booked it first.

And another thing--

(Gasping)

(Screaming)

(Screaming)

(Screaming)

(Screaming)

I hate guys!

(Screaming)

We'll just move the stag.

♪

(Screaming)

Hey, no!

What's going on?

A baby blue tube top has gone

missing.

Care to enlighten us?

Okay, how 'bout it's ugly and

never should have been available

for public consumption.

We think you stole it.

Fascinating, do you have any

proof?

We don't need proof.

We voted and we all think that

you did it.

Oh, now this is a democracy?

No, it's a khaki-ocracy.

And if we had proof you'd be

fired by now.

Right now, we're just majorly

suspicious.

Okay, this is starting to get

annoying.

From now on you carry this in

to and out of the store with all

your belongings in it so we can

see them clearly.

You're kidding, right?

I wish I was.

Wait, no I don't.

Nice bag, Nikki.

The clones think I'm tryin'

to steal their crappy clothing.

Bug off you nosey little creep.

So, how's the move in going?

Last night, Jen just started

crying out of nowhere.

Well, there had to be a

reason, Jonesy.

Did you ask her?

I don't know.

Something about no one listening

to her or something.

I wasn't really paying

attention.

Huh?

(Whistling)

(Whistling)

What happened here?

I feel it too; serious

tension.

Jonesy saw Jen naked

yesterday.

(Laughing)

Ow!

She's your stepsister; show a

little respect.

And you--

It was an accident; I swear.

I didn't see anything.

It's actually good that this

happened now and not in a year

or when you finally get your

boobs, Jen.

Ugh, can we just go and get

the stupid present now, please?

(Sighing)

No.

No way.

Oh, we are not getting them a

massage chair.

You guys just want it for

yourselves.

Frankly, I'm insulted that

you would even say tha-- ahhh!

A Tush Control , is not

an appropriate wedding gift.

Oh wait, the lumbar cycle's

about to start.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

ALL: Ahhh!

No way, Jonesy.

There's an easy way to settle

this.

We'll do it the democratic way

and take a vote.

All in favour of the Tush

Control , say aye.



BOYS: Aye!

Sorry, we can't help it if

you're outnumbered.

Ring this up my good man.

And tie a bow on it will you?

It's a gift.

This is so not fair.

You can't just do this.

Calm down now.

Tell you what: we'll let you

pick the colour.

(Growling)

(Screaming)

Come on, Courtney.

That was harsh.

But we got the chair.

"Calm down."

I can't believe that guy.

We've got to get them back.

Seriously, if we don't put a

stop to this now think of how

it's going to be after the

wedding.

Oh, I know.

And I think I know just how to

do it.

♪

MR. GARCIA: I'm sorry, Jon--

No, but Dad--

MR. GARCIA: No buts.

But, Dad!

MR. GARCIA: Goodbye.

(Groaning)

Great Wall of China, this

sucks!

Let's go, boys.

CHRISSY: Welcome to the Khaki

Barn.

What!?

Stop staring at me.

Do you think would be

appropriate for a wedding

shower?

Careful, she might steal your

purse.

(Groaning)

It's so weird seeing your mom

get married.

But, you do like Jonesy's

dad, right?

Sure, he's okay.

I just wish the guys weren't

such guys.

Don't worry.

They should be getting the good

news any minute now.

Hey, what's the big idea?

Diego and I were supposed to

split the cool loft space in the

attic but someone just convinced

my dad to give it to Jen and

Courtney.

Yes, we're just picking our

paint colour now.

Wanna help?

How'd you do it, huh?

You pulled the sweet little girl

act, didn't you?

Maybe.

Do you like this one?

Oh, good choice.

That is totally offside.

He has no experience with

daughters.

He doesn't know how to say no.

We can't help it if we're

resourceful.

Gee, I feel calm right now.

Do you feel calm?

I feel really calm.

So you wanna play this way

now?

Fine, we're not moving the stag.

What!?

You said you were going to.

That was before you stole our

loft.

So you can throw your little

wedding shower at Grind Me if

you want but we will be there.

JEN & COURTNEY: Fine!

I understand there's been an

--- section B disturbance

here.

That's right officer.

You suspect an inside job?

Oh, definitely; so inside.

Oh, come on.

You actually called in the

rent-a-cop?



That's mall security officer.

Is that the perp?

(Groaning)

(Laughing)

Girls, this is such a lovely

party.

You've done a beautiful job.

(Loud cheering)

(Alarm wailing)

Yee-haw!

Ya!

You go, bro!

Woo hoo!

There just had to be a game

on.

Finger sandwiches, anyone?

Woohoo hoo!

Streaking!

(Screaming)

Was that my new stepson?

Oh, that is it.

(Tranquil music loudening)

(Rockabilly music loudening)

(Tranquil music loudening)

(Rockabilly music loudening)

(Laughing)

Woo, streaking!

(Groaning)

(Moaning)

But we booked it until pm.

You never said anything about

noise restrictions.

This is so unfair.

Well, I guess we better get

going.

Thank you for a lovely party,

girls.

Good times while it lasted,

bro.

Well, I hope you're happy.

Us?

You guys just ruined our wedding

shower.

You know what?

Just don't talk to me again,

ever!

Fine by me!

(Zipping)

(Screaming)

(Screaming)

Let me in there, Missy.

Look, can you just go away

for a while?

Negative.

You go; I go.

There are items in that washroom

that need to be protected.

(Whistling)

(Liquid running)

(Flushing)

Okay, okay, that's it.

I can't live like this.

I quit.

(Cheering)

No way!

Yes!

My work here is done.

I don't know how to thank

you.

Uh, uh oh, uh, Chrissy.

Chrissy.

What?

(Gasping)

Stanley has something to say

to you girls.

Sorry I stole all this stuff.

I don't know what to say.

He's usually such a good little

boy.

Uh, thank you for returning

these.

She's really gonna make me

grovel, isn't she?

I can still remember the time

when my mom first met

Mr. Garcia.

It was when I was years old,

and we had just moved into the

neighbourhood, and our basement

was flooded.

Actually, I think they met at

our little league game.

Uh, no.

It was when the basement leaked.

Your dad helped bail us out.

I think he's right.

I think you're right, dude.

Okay, anyway, a lot has

happened and now we all have to

live together so cheers.



(Gasping)

Hey!

(Laughing)

Oops.

Uh, Nikki, can we talk to

you?

We know you didn't steal

anything.

It was that annoying little

boy who comes in here with his

mom.

You know, the mom who dresses

like a cougar.

We brought you your knapsack.

You can use it anytime in the

store.

Gee, thanks Kirsten.

I'll be sure to mention that

when I call head office and tell

them about how you guys

harassed me.

Later.

Wait, you can have any shifts

you want and unlimited elite

washroom usage and extra

breaks a day.

Make it and you have a

deal.

You are such a pig.

You've had like of these

already.

Mm mm.

Ew, were you just staring at

my chest?

Pervert!

No, ew, no!

I wasn't Dad!

That's it!

You are such a jerk.

Hey, if you're so hungry take

mine.

This is getting really ugly,

dude.

(Dinging glass)

Excuse me.

Excuse me, everyone.

We have an announcement to make.

Where did you learn your

manners anyway?

A barnyard?

The only cow around here is

you.

Ahem, we have decided to

postpone the wedding.

(Gasping)

We had no idea how miserable

this was making you all.

But it's clear to us now that

you just aren't ready for this

kind of change.

So, we've decided to wait until

you're all grown up and on your

own.

Wow, I feel so bad.

You should.

Shut up, you little pain in

my butt--

Guys, you've got to stop it.

You're ruining your parents'

wedding.

Nikki's right.

And as much as I can't stand you

guys your dad does make our mom

really happy.

Yeah, ditto.

But what are we gonna do?

We can't agree on anything.

We need someone neutral.

Someone who's gotten out of

tough situations before.

Someone you all respect.

How important is the respect

part?

Gentlemen, ladies, I know

seeing your parents get married

is about as comfortable as

wearing a pair of synthetic

thong underwear.

But, from where I sit, you

soldiers have it pretty good.

Good, now let's turn you maggots

into a family.

I don't feel as if I'm being

heard.

Like, when I say I really have

to pee I really have to pee.

You will let the girls into

the washroom when they have to

pee.

Deal.



The rules of the eating chair

must be observed.

It's tradition.

(Whispering)

Will you concede at least one

hour of girl programming per

night if the girls agree to

relinquish all rights to said

chair?

We will.

Very well.

Let's call that bylaw .

And in accordance, the girls

shall play their chick music at

a sound level no louder than

decibels.

And the boys shall refrain from

farting in presence of the

girls.

All parties copasetic?

GIRLS: Yes.

Okay.

Cool.

Definitely.

Sign here.

I now pronounce you a family.

(Applauding)

Nice.

Thanks man.

You saved our lives.

I know.

Now suck it up you little mama's

boy and go tell your parents the

wedding is on.

(Wedding bells playing)

(Wedding organ playing)

I love you, Mom.

Love you too, sweetie.

And thank you.

MR. GARCIA: Everybody smile!

(Cheering)

Mm.

This is one heck of a good cake.

(Laughing)

Hey, you can stop staring at

my boobs any time.

Gosh, you guys are annoying.

Yeah, but you'll grow to love

us.

So, it's official; you're my

brother now.

I guess it could be worse.

Yeah, you're not so bad.

By the way, as your new brother,

I think I should warn you we can

all see your underwear.

(Screaming)

I think I'm gonna like having

sisters.

♪

♪