02x47 - Jonesy's Low Mojo

[bunniefuu]

:

Hey, Wyatt, fashion tip.

You don't need to wear the hat

until you're actually at work.

Huh?

Oh, why didn't you tell me I was

still wearing this?

I might as well wear a sign

saying, "I earn minimum wage."

I was waiting to see how long

it would take you to notice.

Pre-caffeine, no fair.

Oh, nuts.

What's chafing his butt?

Hey, one no foam soy chai latte.

One jet fuel mocha

stimulatte.

Man, do I need this coffee.

I was up till a.m. writing new

songs for the Burger Bible.

The what?

Burger McFlipster's has a

song bible and Tim ordered me to

rewrite them all.

I have the worst writer's block.

Wyatt, Bono would have

trouble writing an ode to a slab

of meat.

Don't b*at yourself up.

(Giggling)

Excuse me.

We're on break and news flash,

you're not.

So hurry it up with those caps.

Next.

What are these?

You've got three choices

today.

Small, medium and large.

Go crazy.

(Screaming)

Good one.

We ordered no foam soy chai--

Yeah, yeah, I know.

What a pretentious waste of five

bucks.

. of it is just going to go

back into Grind Me marketing

machine.

What's your problem?

They all taste the same.

Stop kidding yourself.

Okay, let me guess.

You don't know how to make them,

do you?

Busted.

I don't suppose that book on

your lap is a training manual.

Okay, wait, Nikki is

reminding someone to read their

training manual?

This is too funny.

A trained monkey could make

lattes.

It's not that hard.

Do you even know what a real

coffee tastes like?

You're a coffee sheep.

Tell me what overpriced sludge

to drink, baaa!

(Whispering): This guy sounds

like you.

I dare you to drink a plain

medium regular coffee and see if

your world comes tumbling down.

You are gonna make me that

latte, blender boy.

Or else?

Or else I'll get your sorry

butt fired.

Ooh, now I'm scared.

Come on, Nikki, we're late.

Fine!

Uh!

(Grunting)

Can you believe that minimum

wage know-it-all wisecracking--

WYATT: Nikki?

He think it's just him

against the man.

So much smarter than the rest of

us.

WYATT: Nikki.

Nikki.

Can't even make a soy no

foam--

WYATT: Nikki!

What?

You may want to go easy on

the sugars.

You like him, don't you?



I do not like him!

(Cutlery clattering)

Well, I don't.

♪

♪ Life begins after school

♪ That's when we bend

all the rules ♪

♪ Time to hang

with all my friends ♪

♪ We like to be together

in a place where we belong ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

♪ Starting to find my way

♪ Got a new job

♪ Gonna start at

the mall today ♪

♪ Thank God I'm on my own

for the first time ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

♪ Life is sweet

♪ When you're growing up

so fast ♪

♪ You got to make the good

times last ♪

♪

♪ I'm sixteen, sixteen

♪ Got to make the good

times last ♪

I'm like the only dude at

work now.

Wyatt got fired and Wayne's on

vacation.

Are you kidding me?

You're laughing, man.

Underground Video is your

territory now.

Here at the arcade I'm the

business.

Yeah, it's Jonesy.

He's tall.

Look at that.

Wow, he's cool, man.

Ooh.

When I come in, these punks

douse their drawers.

Watch.

Sweet.

(Burping)

And now for the game that

made the Jones-meister a legend.

Space Annihilator.

Huh?

Scram!

(Coin clanking)

Oh, yeah, bring it home to

Jonesy!

Ooh, did you see that?

You're a genius.

(Cell phone playing tune)

Jonesy's line.

He can't talk right now.

What's your name again?

Uh, Jen Masterson.

Tell him that if he doesn't

start picking up his underwear

around the house, I'm gonna hang

it off the Lemon!

Sorry, Nikki, where were we?

Well, that little slime ball

tells me to order a regular

coffee from--

Wait.

Are you talking about Grumpy

Hot Guy at the Grind Me on level

three?

You have a name for him?

We have names for all the hot

guys in the mall.

(Sighing)

I love the way Grumpy Hot Guy

never shaves.

Or smiles.

Look, we are not getting all

boy crazy over this guy.

But it's so fun.

We don't have any boys to go

crazy over ourselves.

Can't we at least go crazy over

your boy?

We can go proxy boy crazy.

(Cheering)

Okay, that's really weird and

he's not my boy.

Not interested.

Grumpy Hot Guy's hot for

Nikki.

Uh, no.

Grumpy Nikki is grumpy for

Grumpy Hot Guy.

What am I saying?



Okay, at least tell us what

sign he is.

Ugh!

Probably a Virgo.

You have anything caffeinated

back there?

I'll get you coffee.

Uh, it's my turn.

She is so hooked.

NIKKI: I heard that.

(Cell phone playing tune)

Hey.

What?

Cool.

Jonesy's about to b*at the

all-time world record on Space

Annihilator.

Do you think he'll win a

shopping spree or a free spa

weekend?

Oh, that'd be good.

No, he'll have the highest

score on the planet.

He'll be totally famous.

That's it?

No spa weekend?

Come on with me.

We'll just go check it out.

(Video game beeping, chiming)

(Cheering)

All right, come on.

All right, dude, almost

there.

This is so exciting.

What does Jonesy see in this

place?

I can't stand it.

The noise, the mindless games.

Dude is points away from

the world record.

(Video game beeping)

If he wins this round, he'll

be immortal.

Right.

How long has he been here

anyway?

About four hours.

I better win soon.

I ate a burrito for breakfast

that's just dying to get out.

Oh.

Whoa, close one.

Come on.

Yes, he's in my sights.

This is it.

(Cheering)

All right, you did it.

You did it, bro.

All right, Jonesy.

I'm impressed.

Wow.

Hey, congratulations, man.

You did it.

You're looking at the Space

Annihilation world champion

here.

(Cheering)

BOY: Yeah, Jonesy.

These hands are a gift and I

take this gift seriously and I

plan to make the most of this

title to inspire young people

everywhere to spend as much time

in the arcade as is humanly

possible.

(Cheering)

You're the man, baby.

And as world champion,

Jonesy, you get this one month

free pass to every game in Game

World plus staff washroom

privileges.

All right.

(Stomach rumbling, farting)

I gotta go.

Oh!

JONESY: g*ng way--

Too bad Nikki wasn't here to

see Jonesy win.

I bet she and Hot Grumpy Guy

are hitting it off right now.

Are you talking about that

guy at Grind Me?

Because I asked Nikki if she

liked him this morning and she

said no.

You have so much to learn

about love, Wyatt.

They're all sisters.

You're late again.



Sorry, I went to the wrong

Grind Me.

All locations look exactly

the same.

People only spend five bucks a

pop on this black guck because

caffeine is a stimulant.

You know what you are?

You're a glorified caffeine

pusher.

You ought to be ashamed of

yourself.

Stone, you've got a customer.

Oh, it's Princess Latte.

One extra hot skinny silky

double whipped caramel chai

frappe latte with cinnamon

sprinkles.

You do realize that no

combination of anything in this

store can go into the blender

and come out edible?

MANAGER: Stone.

Get grinding, blender boy.

Okay, they're your

intestines.

Hmm.

What?

Yeah, I asked for cinnamon

sprinkles.

These sprinkles are chocolate.

Guess little barista boy's gonna

have to start all over again.

You have got to be kidding.

Everything okay here?

Is it?

Fine.

(Giggling)

Here it is.

Man, I take a good picture.

Does it bother you that

you're about five years older

than everybody else in here?

(Giggling)

Heck, no, it's a testament to

my staying power.

You're gonna play a few free

rounds on your champion game,

bro?

Oh, yeah!

Gentlemen, watch and learn.

(Gasping)

What happened to the score?

(Staple g*n clicking)

Norm, what are you doing, man?

Well, after you left

yesterday Nelson b*at your high

score on Space Annihilator.

That kid is good.

(Sobbing)

(Cheering)

So you lucked out yesterday,

huh?

Nothing to do with luck, my

friend.

He's a legend.

Shut up, punk.

Let's settle this right now.

Two player Annihilator.

Winner takes all.

You're on.

I can't watch.

Me neither, dude.

(Video game beeping)

(Cheering)

(Both grunting)

Girls, girls, girls, there's

tons more silk scarf belts in

the back.

Not in pink.

So who wants a coffee?

You want to buy us coffees?

Uh-huh.

What's the catch?

No catch.

It's my turn.

But it's been your turn for

like eight months.

Remember the time you went

for coffees and took the rest of

the day off?

Or the time you got us decafs

instead of regular coffees and

our sales numbers sucked?

Yeah, good times.

Hey, is it so hard to believe

that I just want to be nice?

Yes.

(Video game beeping)

(Cheering)



Oh, come on!

(Electricity crackling)

You're going to get it.

Shut up, punk.

(Groaning)

(Laughing)

My boys.

NORM: Jonesy.

Norm?

When can you have this baby

fixed?

I've got a title to defend here.

It'll be ready when it's

ready.

Hey, big sh*t.

Show us what you're made of.

One on one Asteroid Hunter.

Oh, you're on like DEFCON.

Come on, come on!

Huh?

What a piece of crap game.

Get me a pop.

Get your own.

What?

Hey, the Illustrated

Hitchhiker's Guide?

What, you need pictures to get

through it?

You like me, don't you?

Excuse me?

I don't know anybody who

drinks this much coffee in one

day, especially this sludge.

Okay, you are completely

self-delusional.

I do not like--

Because I like you.

A lot.

Uh...

What, don't tell me the

sharpest tongue in the mall has

nothing to say.

Um...

I'm Stone.

Nikki.

Nice to meet you.

Want to catch a movie with me

tonight?

That indie film One Night in Red

Deer is at the Gigantiplex.

Sure, Red Deer.

Sounds, uh, yeah.

KIRSTEN: Welcome to the Khaki

Barn, have a khaki day.

Nikki's been back to Grind

Me.

Things are definitely heating

up.

(Sniffing)

Is that one mine?

Yep, here you go.

Hi, Nikki.

Ah!

(Screaming)

You weren't just hanging out

with Grumpy Hot Guy, were you?

Of course not.

Anyway, we're going to the

movies tonight.

Yeah, chick flick night.

(Screaming)

We were thinking of going to

see A Girl and her Hair.

Oh, uh, I can't.

I'm working late.

(Screaming)

We could wait until the late

show, right, Jen?

Yeah, I don't mind.

Um, actually, I'm kind of

tired.

I think I'll just head home

early.

Oh, okay.

Was it me or was Nikki lying?

Through her teeth.

You know what this means.

She's so hooked.

(Laughing)

(Screaming)

Hold still.

(Screaming)

Okay, we need to stay nearby

in case Grumpy Hot Guy shows up.

I don't want to miss a minute of

this.

I'll get some snacks.

No stakeout is complete without

mini brownie puffs.

Or Miss Piggy's chips.



Right.

He's a speed demon.

It could take weeks of full time

practice to b*at him.

That little dude whipped your

butt?

No, he just won a few rounds.

I'll nail him tomorrow though.

Maybe it's time you retired.

You've already got the best

Space Annihilator score in the

world.

Yeah, for minutes.

Not helping, Jude.

Now you can pass on the torch.

To that little twerp?

Are you kidding me?

You guys don't know what that

arcade meant to me.

No matter what went wrong in my

life if I lost a hockey game or

got rejected by some chick, I

could walk into that arcade and

know I was money.

Well, if it's that important

to you, you need to get back on

your horse and win that title

back.

Yeah, make the mini dude bow

down to the mighty Jonesy.

You're right.

I'll take that title back from

that little fart no matter what

it takes.

Stealing, lying, cheating, sky's

the limit.

Thanks, dudes.

Not really where I was

heading with that.

Guess who?

Well, based on the smell of

fresh ground coffee, I'd have to

say Blender Boy.

The one and only.

Ready for the movie?

Sure, let's go.

Oh, Nikki?

Where are you going?

Uh, out.

But your shift doesn't end

for another hour.

I'm afraid I'm going to have

to take this young lady to

Emergency.

What?

Why?

She has a severe case of

corporate oppression.

(Giggling)

Well, better hurry, doc, my

soul's almost crushed.

(Laughing)

She has a soul?

I didn't just get you fired,

did I?

Uh, in my dreams.

Oh, I don't know about that

guy.

He's like a male version of

Nikki.

Yeah, it's like she's dating

her doppelganger.

You know, her double?

Her evil twin?

Oh, yeah, I read all about

this.

Dating someone exactly like you

can be brutal.

Especially if you're Nikki.

Yeah, she'd get on her own

nerves pretty fast.

This could be a disaster.

We've got to stop them from

getting too serious.

Let's follow them.

Oh, I guess this means we're

going to miss A Girl and her

Hair.

We are such good friends.

Don't forget the chips.

(Video game beeping)

(Video game sounds stopping)

Oh, sorry, man.

(Noisemaker squawking)

(Snickering)

NORM: Jonesy!

What?

It was an accident.

NORM: Jonesy!

What?



(Chittering)

NORM: Jonesy!

Oh, my.

I've dropped my change.

(Farting)

Oops.

(Laughing)

Smarten up, Jonesy, or I'll

take your gold pass back.

Just wait until tonight's big

match.

You'll see who's money.

Are your co-workers, like,

triplets or something?

Yeah, they're clones.

Manufactured at head office and

preprogrammed to get on my

nerves.

What about you?

What's with the java Joe job?

Just biding my time until I

graduate and then hitchhike

around Nepal.

Good plan.

Now stop hogging the popcorn.

I don't remember offering you

any.

Come on, hand it over.

Nuh-uh.

Come on.

Nuh-uh.

Give it to me.

Come on.

Are you kidding?

Can you see them?

What's going on?

Oh, no.

They're fighting already.

I knew it.

Oh, this could get ugly.

Poor Nikki.

Let's get down there.

Wait.

We don't want to embarrass her

unless it's absolutely

necessary.

We'll move in close, but stay

under cover.

Right.

Can I just-- sorry.

Excuse me.

Coming through.

Excuse me.

Scared yet?

I don't generally get scared

at comedies.

Too bad, I'm a good cuddler.

Easy, tiger.

(Whispering)

Hey, play along with me.

Don't turn around.

I need to teach somebody a

lesson.

What do you need me to do?

(Whispering indistinctly)

Nikki, thanks for offering to

pay for the whole evening.

That's okay, I stole all the

money from the Khaki Barn cash.

(Both gasping)

STONE: Good thinking.

Have anymore?

Uh--

NIKKI: No, but we can't lift

someone's wallet on the way out.

Nikki, have you lost your

mind?!

This guy is a criminal.

MAN: I'll hire him to shut

you up.

WOMAN: Shut up!

MAN: Get your fat head out of

the way!

These are my friends who

won't mind their own business.

Caitlin and Jen.

Hey.

BOTH: Hi.

So you knew we were here the

whole time?

Yep.

So you're not a thief?

Uh-uh.

Following you was Caitlin's

idea.

It so wasn't.

What are you two doing in

here?

We were worried about you,

Nikki.



WOMAN: Shut up.

You skipped our chick flick

date and lied to us.

Then went on a date with Grumpy

Hot Guy.

The name is Stone.

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

I'm gonna have to ask you to

leave.

(Laughing)

Tonight is the night when

you stop being a pain in my

butt, little one.

Just hit start, so we can get

this over with.

(Video game beeping)

Ah, ah!

Come on.

Ahhh!

(Gasping)

ROBOTIC VOICE: Player one,

game over.

(Cheering)

Awesome.

(Thudding)

(Sobbing)

Look, Jonesy, the way you've

been acting, I'm gonna have to

take your gold pass away.

What?

My pass?

(Sobbing)

Come on, man, let's get out

of here.

Maybe you were right, Wyatt.

Maybe I am past my peak.

You should just take me out to

pasture and sh**t me.

Whoa, dude is messed up.

Hey, Jonesy.

Hey, there, beautiful.

Or not so messed up.

You know, maybe it is time to

hang up the old arcade trophies

and focus on more mature

pursuits like chicks.

Later.

Hey, baby, have you ever played

doubles on Space Annihilator?

(Giggling)

Dude's still messed up.

(Giggling)

Look, I'm sorry about my

friends.

They're a bit protective.

No worries, but now we have

to come back and see the movie

again.

Your treat.

Yeah, well, I think I'll be

choosing a good movie next time.

♪ Wee-ooh

Okay, then.

So I had a rotten time

tonight.

Yeah, me, too.

Me, too.

The worst.

Can I get your number, so I

can never call you?

Not a chance.

See ya.

See ya.

Okay, we are so sorry, Nikki.

We were just trying to help.

Oh, come on.

You two were acting like crazy

people.

Stone is kind of important to

me.

I don't want to blow it.

Promise me you won't tell the

guys yet.

I don't want Jonesy to hear

about this the wrong way.

Yeah, he's so sensitive.

Promise?

BOTH: I promise.

I give / odds that Stone

calls you today, Nikki.

Oh, it's way more like /.

Hey, remember, you promised

not to talk about it.

Here comes the guys.

Yo.

Hey.

Hi.

Hey, I heard you were class

act yesterday at the arcade.



There's nothing cooler than

knowing when to pass on the

glory.

Yeah, he made us proud.

Thanks for not hoisting my

dirty underwear onto the Lemon,

Jen.

Yeah, well, uh--

Who wants tacos?

I'm in.

Got any money?

Dude, is that your underwear?

Ew, gross.

Pretty crusty.

Thanks, Jen.

♪