03x56 - Baby, You Stink

[bunniefuu]

[ ♪ ]


So Wyatt, how are things going with Marlowe?


Yeah, that new girlfriend of yours is H-O-T.


Well, we went to the Rancid Bandage concert on Saturday,


and things got a little sweaty.


But then they turned on the A/C.


That kind of sweaty.


Bummer. That's okay.


I'm just... taking it slow.


I don't exactly have a stellar track record with girls.


Last thing I want to do is screw things up.


What about you, Nikki?


How are things going with Jonesy?


He's taking me on a so-called romantic movie date this weekend.


Could be good. Could be lame.


Stay tuned.


Oh. Eeeww. Ugh!


What's that stench?


Gas leak!


Chemical spill!


So guys. Like what you smell?


Gross!


Oh my word.


Pretty sexy cologne, huh?


Kinda leaves you speechless, doesn't it?


Date's [COUGH] CANCELLED, Jonesy!


[ COUGH ]


JUDEMust... get... air!


[ ♪♪♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


♪ LIFE BEGINS AFTER SCHOOL ♪


♪ THAT'S WHEN WE BEND ALL THE RULES ♪


♪ TIME TO HANG WITH ALL MY FRIENDS ♪


♪ WE LIKE TO BE TOGETHER


♪ IN A PLACE WHERE WE BELONG! ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, STARTING TO FIND MY WAY ♪


♪ GOT A NEW JOB, GONNA START AT THE MALL TODAY ♪


♪ THANK GOD I'M ON MY OWN FOR THE FIRST TIME ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, LIFE IS SWEET ♪


♪ WHEN YOU'RE GROWING UP SO FAST ♪


♪ YOU GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


♪ I'M TEEN...


♪ GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


Guys, you'll never guess what I saw on my way in.


A Baby Maker Booth!


Did she just say what I think she said?


It's a photo booth, Nikki,


a really cool photo booth.


Why's it called a "Baby Maker Booth"?


Why's it allowed in the mall?


And why are we even asking?


Because seriously, I don't wanna know.


It's called a that because it photographs couples


and then spits out a picture


of what their future baby might look like!


Future babies? Cool.


Do they like, wear little jetpacks and stuff?


Come see for yourselves.


I'm taking Benj there at lunch.


Eeee! He'll be so excited!


Caitlin...


don't you think taking your boyfriend --


who you've only gone on two dates with --


to a Baby Picture Booth


is putting just a little bit of pressure on him?


Oh no! He's totally into it.


[SNIFFS] Eww! What is that?


Like you haven't smelled cologne before.


From a distance.


Because your girlfriend's ABANDONED YOU!


Self-defense!


I'm still choking on that rank.


Where'd you get it?


From my new job at Purely Petals Florist.


They're having a monster flowers and cologne sale.


Not all sales are alike!


Haven't you heard of the rash or reek rule?


Reduced colognes and perfumes either give you a rash


or make you reek.


Good thing I bought a whole crate of it.


There's a limited range of acceptable scents for men.


And that one is so not one of them.


So I didn't pick the right cologne.


Big whoop.


It's not like the Jonesmeister needs any help to smell good.


In fact, I'll bet my natural smell is a chick magnet.


Jonesy, a week without pit juice and you'd smell worse


than the loathsome washrooms,


just like the rest of us.


Actually, after about a week, you probably wouldn't smell so bad.


Huh?


Stink Cycle, Dudes.


Stinks always start off bad,


then after about a week, they get better.


Spoken by the true voice of experience.


I think it's time we separated the men from the boys


with a little something called... a Man-Off.


A Man-Off?



A contest to see which guy has the best natural scent


after one week of not cleaning.


That means no baths, no showers,


no cologne, deodorant or soap.


Who's in?


You had me at no baths. I'm in!


You can't be serious.


You want me to stink for an entire week


just to prove my manliness to you?


Like you don't need to,


Mr. I'm-too-nervous-to-use the-men's-washroom.


Admit it, you always run home at lunch when you "gotta go."


Hey! I used the washrooms once last month.


It was a Tuesday!


[SIGH] Fine. When do we start?


Having your boyfriend enter a manstink contest?


Whoa, That's a low point in any relationship.


On the bright side, Nikki,


it can't be worse than his cologne.


So how does this thing work again?


We just go in together


and the camera takes pictures of both of us.


Then it prints out a picture of what our baby would look like.


Isn't that amazing?


Oh yeah. A real party.


Count me out.


Me too. I'm not going in that thing.


It's just a waste of money.


A total waste of money!


A huge waste of money!


So let's not go in.


For that reason.


Mmm-hmm... For that reason, exactly.


I can't believe you guys aren't dying to try this!


Cuz I know we are! Right, Benj?


Oh yeah.. heh... dying...


absolutely.


So what do you think it'll be, boy or girl?


Boy, definitely.


For a girl, what do you think of the name Emma?


Loving it?


Well, names aren't always easy to agree on.


But we can agree on how beautiful our girl's gonna be! Eee!


Something wrong?


My baby! It's UGLY!


What? There's no such thing as an ugly baby.


You'd think so. But you'd be wrong.


Congratulations, guys. It's a monkey.


Alien dude, we come in peace.


Sorry!


This has to be a mistake. We're trying it again.


And no one's leaving until we all see the do-over.


This can't be!


You slouched. You didn't smile.


That's why the photo was so ugly.


We'll fix this. One more time.


Uh, maybe later.


I've... got to be... somewhere, bye!


Caitlin, I'm sure that booth just prints out random baby pictures


and throws in some ugly ones as a joke.


Watch.


Jude and I will probably get an ugly baby too.


CAITLINIt's...BEAUTIFUL!


It's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen!


AAAAAAAH!


Hey there, Little Dude.


Any particular reason


why you have your Baby Booth photo up there?


It was too big to fit in my wallet.


Future Man-Off champ in the house!


You guys must be stinking in your boots


knowing how bad I'm gonna b*at you.


I'm telling ya, dudesStink Cycle.


I already got a four day head start on ya not showering.


Never been a big fan.


Jude, you work in an ice rink


where it's too cold to break a sweat.


Jonesy, you work at a florist surrounded by sweet-smelling flowers.


How is that fair?


You mean compared to your job,


working in a greasy, hot, rancidy meat-filled burger joint?


It's not.


So I should stay in your stupid man-smell contest because...


I knew you'd try to weasel out of this!


So I decided to make two trophies.


One for MAN-OFF CHAMP, the guy with the best scent,


and one for MAN-OFF CHUMP,


the guy with the worst scent.


That's you.


WHAT?! No it isn't! Oh yes, it is!


By backing out of the contest,


you admit that you reek the worst.


I can't wait to show this baby to your girlfriend!


Fine.


Promise not to say anything to Marlowe


and I'll stay in.


My rancidy meat-filled job calls.


All right!


I knew that would keep him in.


Once again, our Man-Off is Man-ON!



Ewww... nasty.


Wyatt, a minute.


Just because a kid threw up on your uniform


doesn't mean you can ignore


our smile-every-ten- seconds rule.


Better.


You now have nine seconds to prepare for the next one.


[SNIFFS] Are the onions off?


Onions, yeah, that's it.


Hi, Wyatt. Is it your break time yet?


I, uh, can't take a break today, Marlowe.


I'm too, uh, busy.


Okay... one for the road then?


Heh heh. Like I said, very busy.


Is everything cool?


Oh yeah, sure. Couldn't be better!


You're still meeting me later


for our "baby" picture, right?


It might just make the cut for our demo cover.


New photo booth? After work?


I'll be there.


How am I ever going to keep this up without getting dumped?


These fruity hair clips are soooo CUTE!


I heard Rachel McAdams was spotted wearing them last week.


Eww, this peach is rotten!


That's because it's a kiwi.


That's the only kiwi. I want it!


No way! Get your own!


With that much fruit on your head,


you guys look like Carmen Miranda.


Carmen Electra wears these too?


YAY! YAY!


Hey babe.


For tonight's date, I was thinking we'd start by going --


UGH! Ew! Get away from me!


Aw, come on, you love my rugged man smell.


Sorry, Jonesy, but you smell revolting.


Playing hard to get? I'm into that.


Ahh, never thought I'd be happy to sniff clone fumes.


Ewww!


Who tooted?


Nikki... it's hard to make out with you


when you keep moving away like that.


Until you shower, Jonesy, my lips are off limits.


But... I can't shower for three more days!


I can't go three days without affection!


My-my lips will shrivel up!


Please! Babe!


Just a peck on the cheek to get me through the day!


Eww, stench!


He's not even wearing Khaki Barn cologne!


Get away from us!


Hey!


Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!


[ CELL PHONE PLAYS TUNE ]


Wyatt, you're late. Where are you?


I'm on my way.


Go inside the booth and I'll meet you there.


Babe? Was that you?


Uh yeah, I just realized I forgot my wallet at work, sorry.


Aw, Wyatt.


This is our baby all right.


ANOTHER perfect baby!


Everyone who steps into this stupid booth


has a beautiful baby except for me!


That can't be true.


Oh yes!


It's cute, isn't it?


ISN'T IT?!


Uh, Caitlin. I gotta go.


You mothers of beautiful babies are all the same.


It's always me-me-me!


You really want to try this again?


I'm sure Benj couldn't care less


about some dumb fake baby photo.


He shouldn't. I dumped him this morning.


What?!


But yesterday, you said you thought Benj was "the one"!


He was her th "the one."


Not that I'm counting.


I have to find a guy who can give me a cute baby.


A guy whose overall hotness


will finally tip the scales in my favor.


Cover boy here oughta do it.


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!


[ TUNE PLAYS ON CELL PHONE ]


Jonesy! Quit stalking me.


I like my men BATHED.


So until you are, keep a healthy distance.


Aw MAN!


I can't take much more of this.


I gotta get the guys to cave!


Jude oughta be easy, but Wyatt...


I'll have to catch him cheating or something to get him to fold.


Well, speak of the devil...


[ ♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


Care to try a spritz of our newest cologne?


C'mon, Wyatt. Be bad.



You know you wanna be. Take the free sample.


I don't know. I just... don't know.


Well, well.


Look who's creeping around like some unspayed tomcat.


Shh! Trying to spy here.


A little quiet, please?


Illicit surveillance! Disrespecting authority!


Care to make it three for three by resisting arrest, Mr...


[SNIFF] Mr...


What is it? Smells like a --


like a cow patty!


Cow patty's make me...


I'm sorry, but I can't possibly accept any scent


that covers my natural manly aroma.


Good day.


Oh no. More man stink!


Hey!


Finally, the Crappy Barn makes something useful.


Ladies.


So Nikki, I need your help buying some baby clothes.


Excuse me?


Baby clothes.


Something extra stylin'


so my Little Dude here knows he's special.


Uhh... right!


Uh... heavy...


Sorry.


Long lunch break.


For a size zero she can really drag a heavy load.


What's with the photo booth?


That? It's uh...


so I can take pictures of all my best customers.


To give them discounts!


Hey!


Close call on the cologne spritz, huh, cheater?


Since when did you start checking up on me?


Since you started looking twice at water fountains.


Guys, this Man-Off has gotten way out of hand.


It's not about who smells the best anymore;


it's about who smells the least horrible!


And it's gotten really nasty.


Which would be hilarious


if it didn't affect me so directly.


We're not stopping the Man-Off.


Unless of course,


Wyatt wants to drop out for real this time.


You wish.


The best smell winner's gonna be either you or me.


Which is a nice way of saying it'll be me.


What about Jude?


I think we can all agree that Jude and hygiene


have never been on a first-name basis.


There are still three days left in the Man-Off.


So don't let me catch you washing your hands with spit again


because from now on,


spit counts as a cleaning fluid!


Hey!


Awwwww!


Hey, aw, that's fine.


Free photo with me in the photobooth


please say yes!


Pardon me? Close enough!


Come on! I don't have all day!


If you take my photo, can I get a discount?


Guys only!


Arggh!


Next!


You're cheating again, aren't you?


ME? What about you?


I don't cheat, Wyatt.


I'm only here to keep an eye on YOUR cheating.


You're here to wash your armpits, aren't you?


Keep your spit-hands to yourself.


Yo Jen.


You and I should have a mom-and-pop talk


over some grindage about our Chip off the Old Judester.


Jude, you're really starting to freak people out.


Your 'Little Dude' son? It's a photo.


A printout. It's NOT REAL.


It's cool.


I'm used to being a single parent.


Just keep the holidays open for us to visit.


[ EXASPERATED SIGH ]


Work break's almost over.


I can hold it. But can you?


Yeah! Fine!


Hey!


Wyatt?


Marlowe! Hi! You uh, use washrooms too?


Wyatt, I heard about your Man-Off competition.


You did? Who told you?


Jen and Nikki.


The fruit clips on their noses kinda gave it away.


I don't care if you have B.O.


You don't?


Of course not.


The biggest rock stars in the world all stink.


B.O. is rock'n'roll, baby!


I didn't think of it that way.


I'll see you at the judging tomorrow.



Go get 'em, tiger!


Thanks.


You obviously want a truce.


And you don't?


Okay, okay.


But just until we're done.


[ BOTH GUYS SIGH WITH RELIEF ]


WYATTI'm keeping my eye on you, Jonesy...


just not at this particular moment.


All right, stink boys,


One by one, each of you will walk toward us, the judges.


When your reek becomes too much for us to take,


we will yell at you to stop.


The guy who makes it closest to us wins.


Wyatt, you're up first.


Shields down.


Go!


[ ♪ ]


Ew!


Okay, stop! Hold it!


Enough!


Wow, I made it pretty close.


I mustn't be as smelly as I thought.


Forget Rock Star stink.


You're not even at Boy Band stink.


You're disappointed?


Stink doesn't make the star, Wyatt.


And now the moment we've all been dreading.


Jonesy.


Go!


[ ♪ ]


Oh c'mon! You gotta be kidding!


It's disgusting!


That is the grossest reek ever!


Eww! It's in my nose!


I can't get it out of my nose!


Aw, man.


This contest is fixed.


Jude, let's get this over with!


Where's your baby picture?


I decided Little Dude needs a Big Dude


who can be more of an authority figure to him,


cuz kids really need discipline.


Oh... you gave L.D. up for adoption?


JUDE [sniffling] It's all for the best.


[ GIRLS GIGGLE ]


Is it just me? Or does Jude...


just smell like Jude?


He never showered much to begin with.


He's always had a faint, lingering odor.


We have a winner!


Sweet.


I'd like to thank the Stink Cycle


for all it's given me over the years.


Peace out.


No way! I demand a re-sniff!


Jonesy, your B.O. k*lled every flower I had.


You're fired!


What? I'm sorry...


No, you're fired.


I've received numerous complaints


of unladylike behaviour at this unlawfully moved photo booth.


Which of you low-lifes is responsible?


Oh, it's the booth's fault!


No matter who I pose with,


this booth prints out butt-ugly baby pictures!


And I've posed with every single cute guy I could find!


I don't recall being asked.


Like I have a choice NOW.


She's beautiful!


She's beautiful!


MY BABY IS BEAUTIFULLLLLLLL!


Oh thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank--


Ahem, well, unless you want a ticket,


I suggest you return this booth to its rightful spot


across the hall from Belts Belts Belts.


Hmm, Cute kid.


[ SIGH ]


Guys, there's still the Man-Off Chump trophy to hand out.


Oh, Jonesy!


Uh, I don't think I want --


Go ahead, buddy. You deserve it.


Oh man!


[ ♪ ]


I'm telling you,


I've never left a bigger ring around the tub


than I did last night.


My mom made Jonesy run all his clothes through the wash twice


just to get out the stench.


Yeah, well at least Nikki's back to finding


the Jonesmeister irresistible again.


It's amazing how charming


a Man-Off Chump can be when he showers.


Man-Off Champ...


Jude Lisowski.


And all it took was two weeks of not showering.


TWO weeks?!


Whoooaaa!


Harsh.


[ ♪♪♪ ]