03x66 - How the Rent-A-Cop Stole Christmas

[bunniefuu]

[ ♪♪ DECK THE HALLS ]


Make a child's holiday happy!


Thanks, dude! Have a candy cane.


Hi there!


Are you donating a gift to toy mountain?


It's for a little girl like me!


Aw, that's so sweet!


You don't happen to know what it is, do you?


That's okay.


CAITLINOkay, this is huge!


Jen, what's wrong?


I'm surrounded by presents, and I don't know what's in any of them!


So? They're not for you.


You don't understand. This is like t*rture.


You were one of those little kids who used to try


to find all of her Christmas gifts, weren't you?


I still am!


Come on, aren't you just a little bit curious?


Don't worry, you'll find out what's in every single one of them


at the kids' holiday party this afternoon.


Wow.


The toy mountain people made you dress up as reindeer?


No, I wanted to! Do you like my tail?


You dressed up voluntarily?


As an animal?


You really are a little Christmas nerd.


I love the holidays!


And I love dressing up. Jonesy's sooo lucky.


I WISH I was the Holiday Snowman.


Party New Year's Eve


at my place, yeah, baby!


Hahaha! Amazing.


Even in a -pound snowman costume Jonesy is still Jonesy!


[ CHEERS ]


[ ♪♪♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


♪ LIFE BEGINS AFTER SCHOOL ♪


♪ THAT'S WHEN WE BEND ALL THE RULES ♪


♪ TIME TO HANG WITH ALL MY FRIENDS ♪


♪ WE LIKE TO BE TOGETHER


♪ IN A PLACE WHERE WE BELONG! ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, STARTING TO FIND MY WAY ♪


♪ GOT A NEW JOB, GONNA START AT THE MALL TODAY ♪


♪ THANK GOD I'M ON MY OWN FOR THE FIRST TIME ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, LIFE IS SWEET ♪


♪ WHEN YOU'RE GROWING UP SO FAST ♪


♪ YOU GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


♪ I'M TEEN


♪ I'M TEEN ♪ TEEN


♪ GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


SANTAHo, Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas everyone!


Put a cork in it, Kringle.


SNOWMANHappy Holidays!


Clam it, Snowman.


I don't like your ears.


They're ANTLERS.


YOU AND YOUR ANTLERS ARE LOITERING!


What do you think YOU'RE doing?


You know, just bingeing on sugar,


collecting gifts for less-fortunate children,


planning mass chaos.


Heheh. The gift collecting part is true.


I'll be watching you punks.


One false move, and you're MINE.


But it's Christmas!


Where's your holiday spirit?


[GRUMPY] Ho... Ho...


Ho.


So, you going to hang with us and collect presents?


The Crappy Barn has me stuck at the wrapping table they sponsored.


At least it all goes to charity.


Come on, cheer up, it could be fun!


Spending my free time with the Clones wrapping presents?


It couldn't get any worse.


OH, NO!


MOM?!


Okay... it just got worse.


Mom, what are you DOING here?


I was inspired by all of you kids volunteering!


Plus, it gives us time for some mother-daughter holiday bonding.


Nikki! Ohmigosh!


Your mom is soooo bank at wrapping presents.


She even wrapped the Khaki Barn sign!


You never said how much fun your co-workers are!


No wonder you spend so much time at the mall.


Awww, Mrs. W, you're soooo cute!


I'm going to need a very, very large coffee.


This is not good, dude.


Nikki said her mom is going to be in the mall ALL DAY.


So? Nikki's mom loves you.


Nikki's mom loves PARENTAL Jonesy.


There's a big difference between him and REGULAR Jonesy.


Parental Jonesy is polite, considerate,


has actual, I dunno, GOALS.


Basically, he's delightful.


And Regular Jonesy? Isn't!


Come on, dude, I'm not exactly a parent's dream.



I love to party. I get bad grades.


I get fired.


What about goals? You have goals.


The biggest goal I have right now


is to throw a k*ller New Year's Eve party and not get caught.


I see your point.


This is serious.


I've worked hard to make a good impression as Nikki's boyfriend.


But this is MY domain, MY mall.


I don't know if I can be Parental Jonesy


in Regular Jonesy's hood.


Aw, maybe I can avoid Nikki's mom in this.


Can you tell it's me?


Nope, you're cool.


I'm taking this one to the back!


Nikki?


What are you doing here?


I'm hiding from my mother.


Come on, it can't be THAT bad...


She's wearing an all-denim suit. Ew.


Well, at least at the wrapping station


you get to SEE what everyone is getting.


I have to guess.


This one is "boys - ".


This could be ANYTHING!


Sometimes it's better NOT to know.


Some guy just bought candy-cane underwear for his girlfriend.


EWW! Sticky.


NIKKI'S MOMNikki, report to the wrapping station, stat!


Did I do that right?


Oh no! They've taught her how to use the headsets!


MOMNikki, can you hear me, over?


Dear?


It's like she's in my head!


MOMNiiiiiiiikkiiiiiiiii....


I'm coming, mother.


One more day, one more day...


I'm not always going to be a snowman, Mrs. Wong.


I've got plans.


YO, JONESY, PARTY SATURDAY NIGHT!


DUDE, IT'S GONNA BE OFF THE HOOK!


I mean, um...


as I was saying,


I'm trying to decide between med school and law school.


Education is very important to me.


[ JUDE CHUCKLES ]


You just flunked art class, dude.


You're not helping here, Jude! Sorry.


ATTEN-TION!


Show me your work.


These corners aren't tight enough.


Do it again.


SIR, YES, SIR!


I'm going to confiscate all of your Christmas Tree wrapping paper... NOW!


But it's our most popular --


NOW, SOLDIER!


Carry on.


Wow. He is not very friendly.


Ha! You should have seen him when we stole his golf cart!


[ COUGH ]


I mean -- uh, hi, Nikki! Hi.


Hey, Yoda. What's that?


It's a Queen Amadala costume for Julie.


We like to role-play.


[ LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY ]


Actually, I think it's sweet that you have a shared interest.


Red leader, I think we've slipped into an Alternate world, over.


JULIEI copy, gold leader.


Yes, well, I'm off.


Mrs. Wong, it was a pleasure to see you again.


What do you think this one is? Beats me.


Girls - . It's kind of heavy.


Could be a CD player. Or skates?


What is the big deal?


I can't help it. I have to know!


[ SOMETHING BREAKS ]


Oops.


Okay, it's not skates.


Uh oh. Here comes the Grinch.


These are a fire hazard!


Wow. Is it just me, or is Ron REALLY out of control this year?


Did you hear what he just did to Santa?


NO LOITERING IN THE MALL, PUNK!


I'm not loitering, I'm Santa Clause!!


DON'T PLAY GAMES WITH ME, PUDGE!


I know your type.


Sitting on your butt all day making promises you can't keep.


But... That's it! You're under arrest!


What?! [ GASPS! ]


Ron must really hate Christmas. Yeah...


Hey, man. How's Parental Jonesy going over?


Not so well, dude.


It is seriously stressing me out.


What, having Nikki's mom here?


You COULD turn it into a good thing.


What did you get Nikki for Christmas?


DARN IT! I knew I'd forgotten something!


It's okay.


Just buy her something really thoughtful,


then drop it off at the wrapping station and presto!



Instant parental bonus points.


You know, that's not bad, Caitlin, thanks!


Hey! What do you think you're doing?


I'm uh, taking a break?


You've got five hours to go,


and if I don't see the sowman walking around


being all snow-manny, you don't get paid,


got it? Yeah, I got it.


Caitlin, you have to shop for me.


Oh no.


If this is going to work, it has to be from YOU.


Mrs. Wong can't suspect a female proxy-shopper.


But you heard the guy, if there's no snowman, there's no Cheddar;


if there's no Cheddar, there's no gift


and if there's no gift, Parental Jonesy is in big trouble!


Can't someone wear it for you for an hour or so? Oh, I'll do it!


Seriously?


Yes, yes, yes! Eee, it'll be so fun!


There. You okay in there?


Yup! No problem!


Thanks, Caitlin. I owe you one!


I don't know about this.


Don't worry, I'm fine!


WHOOP... [giggle]


Thanks, guys!


Just point me towards the doors.


HO HO HO! HAPPY HOLIDAYS, SHOPPERS!


We've got to get these gifts grouped by age


and by boy versus girl.


I think this is a baby doll.


We COULD take a tiny peek.


YESSS!


See? No harm, no foul.


Okay, but no more.


I promise!


BUT I WANNA PIGGYBACK RIDE FROM THE SNOOOOOOWMAN!


Please don't do that!


Isn't that Nikki's Jonesy in that costume?


[ CHILD WAILING ]


I've never seen anyone


blow it in front of a parent that well before!


Girls, do you know any nice single boys?


Hello! We're in a MALL!


It's like boy-shopping central!


Good, because I think it's time


for Nikki to get herself a NEW boyfriend!


[ ♪ ]


Can I peek? Please, please, please?


I already let you open three gifts!


Fine. ONE more.


The Official Red Johnson Fire Engine


with extendible ladder and siren action!


They're making these again, bra?!


This is the ONE Hanukkah present I wanted


more than anything else when I was five...


but I never got it.


Why not? Awww!


It was sold out.


And then, one day, right before the holidays,


the toy store got fire engines in.


My parents hurried there,


but they were brutally stampeded


in the Great Red Johnson Fire Engine Rush.


I got a bunny sweater instead.


That's probably why I'm not a fireman today.


And the fact that you're still in high school.


Can I keep it, bra?


No Jude, this is for a little boy


aged - from the city shelter.


He can have my bunny sweater...


Why don't you just go buy one?


That is an awesome idea, dude!


Red Johnson, here I come!


Hello?


Dude, I'm outside Albatross & Finch.


You have GOT to come see this...


I think the rent-a-cop has officially lost his toque.


On my way.


Can I trust you not to open any more gifts?


Ahhhh!!


Oh my.


TIMBERRRRRRRRRR!


This is classic!


No live trees in the mall!


Cheers.


Oh, Nikkiiii!


I have someone I want you to meet.


This is Marek.


He's a greeter god from Albatross.


And he actually agreed to go out with you.


Mom, I HAVE a boyfriend, Jonesy.


You can do better than him.


Marek here is the assistant manager.


Yeah, and he's a total cheeseball.


Hey!


You're wearing a cowboy hat and flip flops.


In DECEMBER.


I'll go out with you!


I wanna go out with him! No fair.


Mom, just go back to wrapping presents, okay?



Fine.


What about that nice Vulcan boy who stopped by today?


Pthhht! DARTH?


Uh, he's not a Vulcan, he's a Jedi.


And he's taken.


The good ones always are.


Mom, you know Jonesy is a good guy!


I'm not so sure about that.


What is that supposed to mean?


Hey, babe, what's -- HEY!!


You f*ndled some yummy mummy in the atrium


and made her little boy CRY?


What?! Jonesy, yer fired!


What?! No I didn't! Who said that?!


My mother!


And now she's trying to set me up with random Greeter Gods!


I haven't even been in the atrium.


I was buying you a present!


Oh no. Caitlin!


What?


Caitlin was wearing the costume for me


so I wouldn't get fired!


So much for that plan.


You have to explain it to your mom.


Fine, just try not do to anything too...


JONESY for the next few hours.


You can't be sold out, dude.


Sorry, the fire truck's a hot item.


This can't be happening again.


WHY ME, MAN?


WHY????!!!


Jen, Jude is super bummed about the fire engine.


Can we give it to him?


I'll buy a toy for the mountain...


I would, but we'd never find it.


We kind of have a... situation here.


Never mind.


I think I know one place Jude hasn't checked.


WHAT DID YOU DO?!


Check out my gift for Nikki.


It's an atlas of the world that fits in your backpack.


She can take it with her when she goes traveling!


Yeah Jonesy, that's great.


Come on, it's the PERFECT gift!


It's thoughtful, cool, useful...


What the heck?


There's hundreds of gifts here.


I'm sorry! I got... carried away.


We just have to re-wrap them.


Are you good at wrapping?


ME NEITHER!! WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO?!


Don't look at me!


I've got to go drop this off to be wrapped


and then find Caitlin and kick her butt


for groping some lady in front of Nikki's mom.


Hello!


Have you seen any fire trucks around here?


Uh...


Okay, you're actually kind of heavy.


That's it!


Make way! Mall emergency!


Hey!


"Hoping we can use this together one day, love Jonesy."


Isn't that nice!


Maybe I was a little hard on him...


EDIBLE CANDY CANE UNDERWEAR?


Oooh, he is so shut DOWN!


What? Those are for me?!


Jonesy, could you come to the wrapping station for a second?!


I'm guessing you opened my gift.


You bought me candy underwear?!


Yup! What? NO!


And you were gonna have my mom wrap it?!


Are you completely insane?


Hold on a minute. I bought you something completely different.


I told you, you could do better.


I have it!


I found Jude's toy!


It was all HER idea!


I didn't buy those!


This gift is proof, dear.


BUY WHAT?!


She's never liked Jonesy.


All right, what's all the ruckus?


Excuse me?


How long would it take to wrap presents?


YOU CAN'T DO THIS ON CHRISTMAS EVE!


I want my one PHONE CALL!


Santa? [BELCH]


Wow. This guy really hates Christmas.


Let us out of here!


This is false imprisonment!


Are those Christmas carols?


Eggnog, anyone?


I'll take a nog, dude.


Look, I get that you hate Christmas,


and you probably hate us too,


but we really need to get back out there.


There's going to be hundreds of kids expecting a holiday party


with presents and no one is there to hand them out!



Or WRAP them.


Do I smell turkey?


Why, yes you do!


I'm heating some turkey dinners in the microwave.


Back in a jiff. Relax.


Anyone else think this is creepy?


Just slightly.


Well, here's to another Hanukkah with no fire truck.


We WERE going to wait until tonight,


but this sucks so bad we might as well do something fun.


Happy Hanukkah, Jude!


We all chipped in.


It's the Official Red Johnson Fire Engine


with extendible ladder and siren action!


RONFirst made in with twin ladders,


real rubber tires and a siren.


My dad gave me one of those on Christmas Day...


right before he headed off to w*r.


I played with it every day until one summer,


that little fire engine kept rolling, rolling


down the sidewalk,


then down the pier and into the ocean


and then BLAMMO!


A great white shark snapped it up in its jaws


AND SWAM OFF WITH IT!


It was the darkest day of my life.


Here, dude.


You need this more than I do.


Son, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.


You're free to go.


Go on, go, get out of here.


[ RON IMITATING FIRE ENGINE ]


Wait a minute. Ron doesn't hate Christmas.


He's... lonely.


He was waiting for us to slip up so he could arrest us.


You mean he locked us up because


he had no one else to hang out with?


What about that picture on his desk?


The one with his family?


Oh my gosh,


that's the picture that comes with the frame.


I just bought the same one for my mom.


Wow. That is sad.


I can still hear you.


Sorry.


Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?


Totally.


We need more eggnog.


[ ♪ ]


RONI've never been to a Christmas party before.


Am I dressed all right? Do I look Christmasy?


I just wish we'd had time to rewrap all of the gifts.


It's just not as much fun


when you don't get to pull off the wrapping.


And WHOSE fault is that?!


The gifts are all wrapped!


But who could have done it? Elves?


Surprise!


MOM?


You did this?


With a little help from Kristen and Kirsten, of course!


Maybe having you around here isn't such a bad thing after all.


Have all these presents been approved for small children?


I mean, um,


ho ho ho.


That's the spirit!


I underestimated you, Jonesy.


Well, you did think I groped some lady


and bought your daughter candy underwear.


Here Nikki, we figured out


which gift was supposed to be yours.


A travel atlas?


Jonesy this is --


this is a really great gift.


Did you pick it out yourself?


Guilty as charged.


So do you think Parental Jonesy


and Regular Jonesy can co-exist?


You know about that?!


That depends.


Can Parental Jonesy kiss you in front of your mom?


Oh, I think so.


Ho, ho, ho...


Happy Holidays, everyone!


Ho, ho, ho, ho!


[ ♪ ]