03x04 - Mindy's Back

[bunniefuu]

Josh: you know the old

Expression, "you can't judge a

Book by its cover"?

Drake: you know, the first time

I met josh, I thought he was

Kinda goofy.

Josh: like the first time I met

Drake. I didn't think he was the

Friendliest guy.

Drake: I was havin' lunch at

School.

Josh: I saw drake havin' lunch

At the cool kids' table.

Drake: and this kid josh comes

Up to me and says, "hey, there!

Want to see a magic trick?!"

Josh: so, to show him I was

Cool, I did this magic trick

Where I make olives

Disappear...up my nose!

Drake: and then josh takes

Olives and shoves 'em right up

His nose.

Josh: so there I am with a nose

Full of olives...

Drake: and they got stuck up

There.

Josh: and somehow, they got

Wedged up in my sinus cavity.

Drake: yeah, so josh starts

Yelling...

Josh: so I start screaming...

Both: "help me!"

Josh: "help me!"

Drake: "I can't get the olives

Outta my nose!"

Josh: "someone get these olives

Outta my nose!"

Drake: well, a few years later,

My mom married his dad.

Josh: but then in ninth grade,

My dad married his mom.

Drake: yeah, josh and I became

Brothers.

Josh: now, drake and I are buds,

So I guess the point is...

Drake: yeah, but the real point

Is...

Josh: you don't really know

Somebody until you really get to

Know 'em.

Drake: there's nothin' funnier

Than a fourth grade goob with

Than a fourth grade goob with olives stuck up his nose.

Olives stuck up his nose.

Olives stuck up his nose. [Alarm]

[Alarm]

Josh: goooooooooooood

Mooooooooooooooooorning,

Brotha!

Brotha! [Loud hip-hop music playing]

[Loud hip-hop music playing]

[Loud hip-hop music playing] josh: wake up!

Josh: wake up!

Drake: what are you doing?!

[Music off]

Josh: come on, don't you know

What today is? It's the regional

Science fair.

Drake: [gasps] wow, really?!

The regional science fair?!

Well, I'm gonna have to buy a

New outfit.

Anyway, I thought you hated the

Science fair since you always

Come in second place.

Josh: yeah, that's 'cause every

Year, I lose to mindy crenshaw,

But she's still in that mental

Institution. Remember last year

When she tried to get you

Suspended from school?

Drake: oh. Don't remind me.

I hate that girl.

Josh: but who cares, right?

'Cause after straight years of

Losin', my time has come!

Ya hear that, san diego?!

Josh nichols' time has come!

Josh nichols' time has come! Sure look outside--whoa--ohh!

Sure look outside--whoa--ohh!

Drake: so your project's about

Gravity?!

♪ I never thought

That it'd be so simple,

But

I found a way, I found a way,

If you open up your mind,

It's gonna take some time

To realize,

But if you look inside,

I'm sure you'll find,

Over your shoulder,

You know that I told you

I'll always be picking you up

When you're down,

So just turn around,

So just turn around, ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

Drake: aw, josh, another giant

Magnet?

Josh: no, it happens to be the

Biggest electromagnet I've ever

Made.

Drake: what's this remote

Control thingy?

Josh: oh, that's how you

Activate the magnet.

Marta: oh, hey, josh, um,

I'm having a problem with my

Virtual reality helmet. Do you

Think you could try it on and

Tell me if you see jupiter?

Tell me if you see jupiter? Josh: sure. I love jupiter.

Josh: sure. I love jupiter.

[Helmet beeps]

Josh: huh. All I see are stars.

Marta: yeah, I don't know what's

Wrong. It was working last

Night.

Drake: so you turn the magnet on

By pressing this red button?

[Beep]

Josh: ow!

Turn it off! Turn if off!

Turn it off!

Turn it off! [Beep]

[Beep]

Marta, c-could I speak to jake

Marta, c-could I speak to jake privately for a sec?

Privately for a sec?

Ok, um, get out of here.

Drake: come on.

Josh: no, I'm serious, all

Right? You know how much this

Day means to me. I-i've

Entered the science fair ever

Since I was and I've lost to

Mindy crenshaw every single

Year. I can finally win.

Mindy: I wouldn't count on that,

One, josh.

Josh: aah!

Drake: mindy?

Josh: mindy?! How did you--

Wh-where did you--

When'd you--when--

Mindy: will you be completing

Any of these questions?

Josh: I thought you were locked

Josh: I thought you were locked up in the cuckoo hut!

Up in the cuckoo hut!

Mindy: it was a mental

Rehabilitation clinic.

Drake: so you've come back to

Try and get me suspended again?

Mindy: no, I am here to resume

My school work and to, more

Importantly, b*at josh in the

Science fair--again.

Josh: no, all right, no, ma'am.

I will not be beaten by you

Again, mindy.

Mindy: oh, josh, haven't you

Learned by now that I can

Outsmart you whenever I want?

Josh: you cannot.

Mindy: say "fort."

Josh: fort.

Mindy: now say it times.

Josh: fort, fort, fort.

Mindy: spell it twice.

Josh: f-o-r-t, f-o-r-t.

Mindy: say it more times.

Josh: fort, fort.

Mindy: now what do you eat soup

With?

Josh: ha ha, a fork! Ha ha!

Mindy: really? 'Cause I eat soup

Mindy: really? 'Cause I eat soup with a spoon.

With a spoon.

Drake: see, if you ate soup with

A fork, the liquid'll just

Fall--

Fall-- josh: I know!

Josh: I know!

Josh: welcome to my magnetic

Field...

Of dreams.

All right.

Now, as you can see, I have

Placed a full can of mocha cola

Directly under my e-normous

Magnet, and now, I will activate

The electrical current, which

Will suck the can up through the

Air a full inches to the

Magnet. Not kiddin'.

Magnet. Not kiddin'. D-rumroll, please.

D-rumroll, please.

And check it out!

And check it out! [Beep]

[Beep]

All: wow, sweet.

[Applause]

Josh: thank you. I "heart"

Magnetism.

Mr. Ferrell: very impressive,

Josh. That's gonna be tough to

b*at. All right, next is

Mindy crenshaw.

Mindy: thank you, mr. Ferrell.

Like my worthy opponent josh,

I also have a great love of

Magnetism.

Drake: she brought a magnet?

Josh: don't worry.

Mindy: and now, my magnet.

Josh: ha ha ha ha!

Drake: that's your magnet?

Josh: how embarrassing.

Mindy: yeah, not really.

A -pack of mocha cola.

Observe.

Observe. [Beep]

[Beep]

Mr. Ferrell: wow...mindy.

That was the best we ever had.

That was the best we ever had. Mindy: yes, yes, I know.

Mindy: yes, yes, I know.

Mindy: yes, yes, I know. [Beep]

[Beep]

[Beep] [beep]

[Beep]

[Beep] [beep]

[Beep]

[Beep] [beep]

[Beep]

[Beep]

Megan: yeah, why date girls when

You can just sit alone in your

Room doing that?

Josh: sure, kick me when I'm

Down.

Megan: ok, what's wrong?

[Beep]

Josh: you don't care.

Megan: true. See ya.

Megan: true. See ya. [Beep]

[Beep]

Josh: mindy crenshaw is ruining

My life! All right, that's

What's wrong.

Megan: they let her out of the

Wacky shack?

Josh: what am I gonna do?

Megan: look, josh, here's a

Little riddle for ya. If you're

In the street and a truck's

Coming towards you, what do you

Do?

Josh: a spoon!

Megan: what?

Josh: nothing. What do you do?

Megan: you avoid it. You get out

Of the way because if it's you

Against a truck, you're gonna

Lose, josh, and mindy is the

Lose, josh, and mindy is the truck in your life.

Truck in your life.

And if it makes you feel any

Better, I hate mindy just as

Much as you do.

Josh: why is that?

Megan: because she makes your

Life miserable...

Life miserable... And that's my job.

And that's my job.

[Bell rings]

Mindy: hi, josh.

Josh: you are the truck in my

Josh: you are the truck in my life, so I avoid you.

Life, so I avoid you.

Mr. Calvert: all right, class,

Take your seats.

Now, as you know, your oral

Reports are due at the end of

The month. It can be about

Either world w*r i, world w*r

Ii, or any w*r that makes you

Happy.

Boy: will we be working in

Pairs? Because I want eric to be

My partner.

My partner. Eric: no! I am [span]tired[/span]of you!

Eric: no! I am [span]tired[/span]of you!

Mr. Calvert: eric, who would you

Like as your partner?

Eric: I choose melanie.

Boy: what? She does not

Appreciate you!

Mr. Calvert: ok, next up,

Mindy crenshaw. Mindy, pick a

Partner.

Mindy: all right, I pick josh.

Drake: [span]josh?![/Span]

Josh: what?! What--you pick me?!

But then, mr. Calvert--but that

Would mean we were--and then

We--but I don't like--i don't

We--but I don't like--i don't think we--but then we--aah!

Think we--but then we--aah!

Think we--but then we--aah! [Knock on door]

[Knock on door]

Mindy: hi, I'm mindy.

Mindy: hi, I'm mindy. Megan: yeah, I know who you are.

Megan: yeah, I know who you are.

Mindy: uh...i'm here to see

Josh.

Josh. Megan: I know why you're here.

Megan: I know why you're here.

Mindy: is there a problem

Between us?

Megan: I work hard, mindy.

I work hard because I love

What I do, and what I do,

Is harass my brothers, and that

Includes josh.

Mindy: I see.

Megan: do you?

Because I hear that you've been

Harassing josh, and I just want

To know what gives you the

Right?

Mindy: megan--may I call you

Megan?

Megan: no.

Mindy: look...you enjoy

Bothering josh. So do i. We

Share the same goal here, you

Know what I mean?

Megan: I'm listening.

Mindy: josh is in high school,

You're in grade school. That

Means for hours a day, you

Can't get to him, so if I

Harass him at school and you

Harass him at home, we stay out

Of each other's way and josh is

Miserable almost all of the

Time.

Megan: that does sound nice.

Mindy: atta girl.

Drake: hey, hey! Hands off my

Sister's shoulder! I don't want

Her clothes to be all infested

Her clothes to be all infested with mindy germs.

With mindy germs.

Mindy: hey, I'm just impressed

You know the word "infested" and

Used it properly in a sentence.

Drake: come on, megan. Let's go

Burn your shirt.

Josh: what were you two

Talking about?

Mindy: oh, you know, just girl

Stuff. So, uh, if you take a

Look here, you'll see I've

Drawn up a complete work

Schedule, which lays out exactly

When we'll be working together

On that oral report.

Josh: a work schedule?

Mindy: yes, it's color coded so

Even you can understand it.

Josh: wait a sec. What's this

Here? We're working hours a

Night for the next weeks?

Mindy: well, I thought hours a

Night might be too much for your

Smallish brain to handle.

Josh: my "smallish brain" can

Handle plenty! It's my smallish

Eyes that are gonna have trouble

'Cause they gotta look at you.

Yeah, I said it!

Mindy: well, actually, the human

Eyes are technically just

Receptors that pick up visual

Images, which make no sense

Until deciphered by the brain,

Which in your case, happens to

Be smallish.

Josh: why do you have to

One-up me all the time?

What are you--you just get your

Jollies makin' me look dumb?

Mindy: who said I think you're

Dumb? Maybe I happen to think

You're very smart. Maybe I

Just--

Josh: maybe you just what?

Mindy: maybe I just like you.

Mindy: maybe I just like you. Josh: ma--

Josh: ma--

Josh: maybe I just like you,

Too.

Mindy: oh, really?

Josh: yeah. Maybe I've liked you

For a really long time, but

Didn't realize it 'cause I hated

You so much!

Mindy: are you saying you like

Me or not?

Josh: are you sayin' you like me

Or not?

Mindy: I'm saying I like you.

Josh: well, then I'm sayin'

I like you!

Mindy: fine!

Josh: fine!

Mindy: then I guess we're

Boyfriend and girlfriend!

Josh: one condition!

Mindy: what?!

Mindy: what?! Josh: I get to be the boyfriend!

Josh: I get to be the boyfriend!

[Doorbell rings]

[Doorbell rings] josh: it's my...girlfriend!

Josh: it's my...girlfriend!

Josh: hey, there, pretty lady.

Mindy: hey, cupcake.

Josh: may I show you to the

Couch?

Mindy: please. I like your

Shirt.

Josh: I like your face.

Mindy: oh, josh!

You know, we should really get

To work.

Josh: uh, right.

Mindy: well, I don't know about

You, but my favorite w*r has

Always been the one between the

Spaniards and the norwegians,

Which began when king olaf

Insulted the daughter of--

Josh: grar!

Mindy: what's that?

Josh: a present.

Mindy: you got this for me?

Josh: I know how much you like

Sharks.

Mindy: they're my favorite

Ocean predators!

Josh: I know!

Mindy: oh, this is so sweet, but

I didn't get you anything.

Oh. You are definitely a better

Boyfriend than I am a

Girlfriend.

Josh: no. No, you're definitely

A better girl--grr--hey, drake.

Drake: hey, josh. Hello,

Creature.

Josh: um, we were just working

On our--our project.

Drake: oh, yeah? When does that

Prison sentence end?

Josh: ha! Ha ha ha! Oh, drake!

Mindy: josh, he's being very

Mean to me. Say something.

Josh: right.

Um, drake, pretty, uh...

Um, drake, pretty, uh... Pants.

Pants.

Drake: thank you?

Anyway, I'm going to the

Premiere to meet the guys.

Later, josh.

Later, horrible girl.

Josh: ha! Oh, you with the

Comment and the pretty pants.

Where were we? So, uh, I think

That, uh...

Mindy: I cannot believe drake

Would talk that way to his

Brother's girlfriend.

Josh: yeah, well, what are you

Gonna do? So, I think...

Mindy: unless he doesn't know

I'm your girlfriend?

Josh: ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Ohh, that is [span]rich![/Span]anyway, um...

Mindy: you haven't told him,

Have you?

Josh: well, i...

Mindy: we've been dating for

Weeks and you haven't told

Your brother?

Are you embarrassed of me?

Josh: no. No, no, of course not.

It's just--i'm just afraid of

How drake's gonna take it 'cause

He doesn't exactly...like you.

Mindy: well, I know, but you

And I have feelings for each

Other. It makes me feel really

Weird that you would hide that

From your own family.

Josh: yeah. Yeah, you're right.

Yeah, I'll tell jake about us

Tomorrow.

Mindy: promise?

Josh: promise.

Mindy: you may hug me.

Mindy: you may hug me. Josh: sweet.

Josh: sweet.

Drake: what's up, pacey?

Josh: drake, we gotta talk.

There--there's no easy way to

Say this, but, uh--uh, mindy and

I are boyfriend and girlfriend!

I are boyfriend and girlfriend! [Growls]

[Growls]

Josh: aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Ohh!

Oh, drake, your head's fine.

Drake: you have pretty eyes.

Josh: sorry. I just had a

Nightmare.

Drake: oh, the one where you get

Your foot stuck in the horse?

Josh: no, this one was much

Worse.

Drake: worse than gettin' your

Foot stuck in a horse's--

Josh: look, drake, i...

I gotta talk to you for a sec.

Drake: ok, what's up?

Josh: I'm sorry I had a

Nightmare and woke you up.

I must have had too much pie.

Drake: yeah, how great is pie?

Megan: why was josh screaming?!

Did the eggs hatch?!

Drake: what?

Josh: what eggs?

Josh: what eggs? Megan: oh...nothin'.

Megan: oh...nothin'.

Mindy: so, what did drake say

When you told him we're

Boyfriend and girlfriend?

Josh: oh, uh, just...

"Yay."

Mindy: "yay"? Why would he say

That if he hates me?

Josh: well, you know, it wasn't

Like a "yay!" It was more like

A..."Yay."

Mindy: well, regardless of his

"Yay," I think it was really

Sweet and brave of you to tell

Him.

Josh: thanks.

Mindy: you're really special,

Josh. ♪ Do-do-do-do grr!

Josh: we should probably get

Back to the project.

Mindy: wait, um, you know, josh,

I researched a few relationship

Timing models on the web and,

Um, I've--i've concluded that

Some time in the next - days

We should have our first kiss.

Josh: you know, you don't have

To convince me. I'm on board

With the whole kissing thing.

Mindy: oh, well, excellent.

Josh: I should probably dim the

Josh: I should probably dim the lights.

Lights.

Lights. [Josh coughs]

[Josh coughs]

Josh: ohh!

Look, I didn't tell drake we

Were dating, all right? I'm

Sorry, but I couldn't. I'm

Afraid of what he'll think.

Ohh. There...and I got that off

Ohh. There...and I got that off my chest. Now, we can kiss.

My chest. Now, we can kiss.

Mindy: josh! If you can't tell

Your own brother we're dating,

Then I don't think I can date

You.

Josh: ohh, mindy...

Josh: ohh, mindy... Mindy: I'll see you later.

Mindy: I'll see you later.

[Door opens and closes]

Josh: well, at least I got

Josh: well, at least I got custody of you.

Custody of you.

Josh: drake, we gotta talk.

Drake: what's goin' on?

Josh: mindy and I are dating.

Drake: huh?

Josh: ohh, you hate me. I knew

You would.

Drake: josh...

Josh: and I don't even blame

You, all right? You have every

Right to hate me. After what she

Did to you last year--

Drake: josh...josh! Listen!

I don't hate you.

Josh: but--but you think I'm an

Idiot for dating her.

Drake: no, that's not why I

Think you're an idiot.

Dude, you should date whoever

You want to date. It doesn't

Matter what anybody else

Thinks.

Josh: but...you...

Drake: so I don't like her.

Big deal. I don't like half the

Girls I date.

You know, you're my brother,

Josh, if she makes you happy,

Josh, if she makes you happy, then I'm happy.

Then I'm happy.

Josh: you're the best, you know

That?

Drake: well...yes.

So?

Josh: so?

Drake: joshy's got himself a

Girlfriend.

Josh: [span]had[/span]a girlfriend.

Drake: had?

Josh: yeah. She...she kind of

Broke up with me.

Drake: why?

Did you show her your yo-yo

Collection? Josh, I told you,

It's not cool.

Josh: drake, no. She broke up

With me because I wouldn't tell

You we were dating.

Drake: ohh, ok. I get it. Let's

Go.

Josh: go where?

Drake: to mindy's house.

You're gonna get back together

With her.

Josh: you're gonna help me get

Her back?

Drake: josh, I've been waiting

/ Years for you to get a

Girlfriend, ok? I'm not gonna

Let you blow it on something

Stupid. Come on.

Josh: oh, wait.

Drake: what?

Josh: well, uh, since you're

Helping me with mindy, like when

I went in to kiss her--

Drake: not helping you with

Drake: not helping you with that!

That!

Josh: ohh, I can't do this.

Drake: yes, you can.

Josh: but it's after midnight,

All right? Her parents are

Probably asleep.

Drake: yeah, which is why you're

Gonna climb up there and knock

On her window.

Josh: I don't know. You think

This is really gonna work?

Drake: you think I know about

Girls?

Josh: more than a young man

Should.

Drake: so trust me. Come on.

Drake: so trust me. Come on. Go.

Go.

All right, keep goin'. A little

More. Just get to the top.

Josh: don't! Boundaries!

Josh: don't! Boundaries! I did it! I made it--whoa!

I did it! I made it--whoa!

Josh: yeah, that's good for the

Spine.

Spine. Drake: would you get off of me?!

Drake: would you get off of me?!

Josh: now what am I gonna do?

Drake: here, get on my

Shoulders.

Josh: that's hazardous!

Drake: they're my shoulders,

Drake: they're my shoulders, now hurry.

Now hurry.

Drake: uhh! You high enough?

Josh: yeah, I think so.

Drake: good. Now knock on the

Window and get back together

With her before I suffer

With her before I suffer permanent nerve damage.

Permanent nerve damage.

Josh: hey, mindy.

Mindy: hi. Um, what are you

Doing at my window?

Drake: josh, gettin' kind of

Heavy.

Josh: first I want you to know

That...that I told drake about

Us, that we're dating...were

Dating.

Drake: wrap it up, josh.

Josh: and you were right.

All right, you are smarter than

Me 'cause...'Cause I was dumb

Enough to mess up the first real

Relationship I've ever had...

Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm

Sorry.

Drake: ohh, serious pain now.

Mindy: well, look, I really

Appreciate your apology and I

Accept it, but after what

Happened, I don't really think

We should date anymore.

Josh: oh. Uh, yeah. Yeah, that--

I totally agree.

Mindy: I'm glad you understand.

Josh: uh, yeah, well, I'll see

You later.

Mindy: good night.

Josh: good night.

Mindy: oh, just kiss me!

Josh: sweet!

[Captioned by the national

Captioning institute

Captioning institute --www.ncicap.org--]

--Www.ncicap.org--]

--Www.ncicap.org--] josh: that was awesome!

Josh: that was awesome!

Josh: you filled a rat with

Helium?

Boy: didn't think it possible,

Did ya? Show him eric.

Eric: all righty, you see, by

Filling the rat with helium,

We were able to study the

Effects of--oh! Oh! Oh!

[Rat squeaks]

Boy: nice going, eric!

Eric: oh, look, don't you cop an

Attitude with me, mister!

Just--just--help me find a

Ladder!

Boy: hang on, leonard! Daddy's

Comin'!

[Ding]

[Ding] man: mmm!