04x03 - The Wedding

[bunniefuu]

So me and drake have this

Great aunt catherine.

Have you ever met my great

Aunt catherine? No? Well, hey,

Lucky you.

She's almost years old.

She's, like, , years

Old.

She's not nice.

She is mean.

Mean to the bone.

Something's not right about

Aunt catherine.

She collects hair...

From people she doesn't even

Know well.

Oh, and get this.

Aunt catherine's getting

Married.

I mean, who wants to get

Married at years old?

You know, josh and I disagree

On a lot of stuff, but I bet he

Hates aunt catherine just as

Much as I do.

I wonder if drake hates aunt

I wonder if drake hates aunt catherine as much as I do.

Catherine as much as I do.

Do you?

Do you? Totally.

Totally.

[Horn honks]

[Honk honk honk honk]

Oh, walter.

Oh, walter. [Sighs]

[Sighs]

Walter, cool it with the horn.

Mom, megan, would you get down

Here before walter's head

Here before walter's head explodes?

Explodes?

Aw, drake, you don't eat a

Hot dog wearing a tuxedo.

This hot dog's not wearing a

Tuxedo.

Ha ha. Oh, megan, can you

Zip up my dress please?

Sure.

Thank you. Now let me fix

Your hair.

Eew! I don't want mom spit

In my hair.

Yes, you do.

Knock knock. It's craig and

Eric.

Sorry, boys. Can't talk.

Going to a wedding.

Oh, we're just here to pick

Up something from josh.

Up something from josh. Josh, your geeks are here.

Josh, your geeks are here.

I'll be down in a minute.

[Gasps] my earring broke!

Super glue's in the kitchen.

Come on. Help me glue it.

Ok.

Who's getting married?

Our great aunt catherine.

Isn't she, like, ?

, But she's got this insane

Beach house in laguna nigel, so

It's majorly important that she

Loves us.

[Horn honks]

We're coming!

[Honk honk]

Lay off the horn, walter.

Lay off the horn, walter. Drake, come here.

Drake, come here.

We are counting on you and josh

To get to this wedding on time

With the wedding cake.

We'll be there.

Because if you guys are late,

Aunt catherine will be very

Upset, and as her family, we

Need to make sure that this

Wedding day goes perfectly.

Since when do you like aunt

Catherine?

I don't, but she's not gonna

Live forever, and I want that

Beach house.

Yeah, so none of your screw

Ups.

Well!

Come on, baby.

[Honk honk honk honk honk]

Ok! Ok!

Enough with the horn.

Women.

Yeah. Women are crazy.

That's why me and craig don't

Have girlfriends.

You know, I think there's a

Lot of reasons why you guys

Lot of reasons why you guys don't have girlfriends.

Don't have girlfriends.

[Sighs] we know.

Hey, we better go. The

Observatory closes at p.m.

Oh, yeah. Josh!

My zipper's stuck. Aah!

What do you guys need?

Josh said we could borrow his

Laptop.

Because somebody spilled

Buttermilk on mine.

I tried to fix it. I swabbed

Your keyboard for hours.

Look, look. Here's his laptop

Right here. Just take it.

Are you sure?

Yeah, totally. If he said it

Was fine, then just go.

Is everything in there?

Yeah. Go.

Oh, hey, tell josh I'll bring

This back to him--

This back to him-- [knocking]

[Knocking]

Can I have a band-aid for my

Can I have a band-aid for my nose?

Nose?

♪ I never thought

That it'd be so simple, but

I found a way,

I found a way,

If you open up your mind,

See what's inside,

It's gonna take some time

To realign,

But if you look inside

I'm sure you'll find,

Over your shoulder,

You know that I told you

I'll always be picking you up

When you're down,

So just turn around,

So just turn around, ooh-ooh-ooh, oooooooh ♪

Ooh-ooh-ooh, oooooooh ♪

Hey, josh, would you get down

Here? We're gonna be late for

Here? We're gonna be late for the wedding.

The wedding.

The wedding. Josh!

Josh!

Can we just go?

Why are you in such a hurry?

Because I want aunt

Catherine's beach house bad.

Yeah, so do i.

Then we can't be late for the

Wedding, and we have to pick up

The cake.

Dude, we have plenty of time.

All right? Just as long as we

Get to the bakery before--

Hey, have you seen my laptop

Case? I thought I left it right

Here.

I gave it to craig and eric.

You what?

They told me you said it was

Cool.

Well, yes, I sad it was cool

For them to borrow my computer.

But why'd you give them the

Whole case? It had my cell phone

In it and my keys to mom's suv.

Now we have no car.

Well, I'll just call craig

And eric and tell them to come

Back.

No, we can't. They don't have

Cell phones.

Why?

'Cause papa nichols threw

Eric's against the wall and

Broke it, and craig's mom thinks

Cell phones cause ear sores.

Well, craig does get a lot of

Ear sores.

We cannot be late to this

Wedding!

Right...ok, um...trevor.

What about trevor?

We'll borrow his car.

His girlfriend sleeps in it.

No, they broke up. She sleeps

In some other guy's car now.

I don't want to go to a

Wedding in trevor's el camino.

It's old and gross.

So is aunt catherine.

Drake, if we don't--

Dude, it runs, and the

Wedding cake will fit in the

Back. The most important thing

Back. The most important thing is it'll get us there on time.

Is it'll get us there on time.

Is it'll get us there on time. [Engine sputters and dies]

[Engine sputters and dies]

[Engine sputters and dies] [engine won't start]

[Engine won't start]

It won't start.

It won't start. Oh, really?

Oh, really?

Huh. The good news is we're

Right near nothing!

Ok, how was I supposed to

Know trevor's car would break

Down, huh?

It was built in the s. It

Has over , miles on it.

Anyone with a second grade

Education could have guessed it

Would die.

You're so mean to me

Sometimes.

Look, we can't be late to

Aunt catherine's wedding, all

Right? We promised mom and dad

And if we're not there in

Minutes, there's no way we're

Gonna get that beach house.

All right. We'll just call

For help. Give me your cell

Phone.

My cell phone was in my bag,

Which you gave to craig and

Eric. What, you don't have your

Cell phone?

No. Mine got ruined.

How?

You know...fell in a bowl of

Soup at school.

Who accidentally drops their

Cell phone into their soup?

It wasn't an accident. I

Wanted to see if it would float.

How do you even get dressed

By yourself?

All right, look, you wanna

Play pick on drake or do you

Wanna figure out how to get to

This wedding on time?

How are we gonna do that if

We can't call for help, ok? It's

Miles to the next gas

Station.

Look, maybe I can fix the

Motor.

Motor. You can't fix a sandwich.

You can't fix a sandwich.

If you make fun of me one

More time, I'm gonna tell

Everyone we know that you named

Your favorite pillow mr.

Puff-puff.

I'm sorry if I offended you.

All right. Now let's check

Under the hood.

Under the hood. Ok.

Ok.

Well, there's the motor.

Yes.

A lot of metal there.

A lot of metal there. A lot of metal.

A lot of metal.

I think I see the problem.

Look here.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that belt

Came off.

Uh-huh. So what do we do

About it?

Here. Here, I'll just put the

Belt back on this pulley thing

And you get in the car, and when

I say go, you try to start it.

I say go, you try to start it. All right. Cool.

All right. Cool.

All right. Cool. All righty.

All righty.

All righty. [Engine starts]

[Engine starts]

Aah! Hold on! I didn't say

Go! I didn't say go! Hey! Aah!

Ow! Ow!

[Cloth ripping]

Oh! Aah!

Oh! Aah! Whoa! Whoa! No, no, no!

Whoa! Whoa! No, no, no!

Come on, baby, come on, baby.

Come on, baby, come on, baby. Come on.

Come on.

No, no, no!

Aah!

No!

No! Aah!

Aah!

All right, the motor's

Running. Where's your jacket?

It ate my jacket.

All right. Well, at least we

Got motor running.

Got motor running. I gotta get my jacket back.

I gotta get my jacket back.

I think that was your jacket.

Here. Just let me, uh, uh...

See what I can do here.

See what I can do here. All right.

All right.

Would you stop touching me!

Oh, man, we got minutes until

This wedding starts. Let's try

To get this stupid motor running

Again.

Again. Right.

Right.

Man, it's so dark in there,

I can barely see anything.

Yeah, let me check the glove

Compartment. See if trevor has a

Flashlight in there.

Flashlight in there. Oh, yeah. Good call.

Oh, yeah. Good call.

You locked the keys in the

Car?

Don't hate me.

Don't hate me. I don't hate you.

I don't hate you.

Here.

What's this?

Big rock.

What do you want me to do

With it?

k*ll me.

I'm not gonna hit you in

The head with a big rock.

[Drops rock]

Did that hit your foot?

Yeah. It's broken.

I'm sorry.

That's ok.

Man, I gotta pee.

Yeah, so do i.

All right. Well, we're not

Gonna figure a way out of this

If we're all full of urine, so

Let's go pee.

Yeah. Ooh, that cactus looks

Nice.

Yeah, that's a good one.

Yeah, that's a good one. Come on.

Come on.

Looks like somebody parked

Here illegally.

I'll write 'em a ticket.

How come I never met your

Wife?

Huh?

You know, we've been working

Together for, like, years

Now, and I just think it's

Weird that you never let me

Meet your wife.

Oh, well, uh...she's just,

Uh...she's just shy.

You're not really married,

Are you?

What?

Of course I am.

You can't just pretend to be

Married and not have a wife.

I mean, come on. What are you

Talking about?

Let me meet her.

All right. All right. I'm not

Married. There's no marissa.

You made up marissa?

Well, no. There was a

Marissa, in the ninth grade.

And I asked her to the school

Dance, and she just...

She just laughed at me.

It's ok, buddy. I understand.

It's ok, buddy. I understand. I feel so dumb.

I feel so dumb.

Wait! Wait! Please!

Stop! Help!

Oh!

I can't believe we missed em.

And we got a parking ticket.

Oh! How much time we have to

Get to the wedding?

About half an hour. I don't

See how there's any way we're

Gonna--hey. Hey, headlights!

It's headlights! Another car's

Coming. Hey! Hey! Hey, hello!

Stop! Stop! Please!

Hey, stop! Slow down!

Dude, dude, please!

Please, help.

Hey, stop, please! We need

Hey, stop, please! We need help!

Help!

[Loud music plays]

Hey.

Thank you so much for

Stopping.

No problem.

Where you guys headed?

To our aunt catherine's

Wedding.

But we gotta be there in less

Than half an hour.

Yeah, with that cake.

Or we are in big trouble.

Well, did you call for help?

No, no. We don't have

Cell phones.

But if you drive us to the

Nearest pay phone, we'll give

You bucks.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Hold on. I've got...an extra .

All right. That's almost

All right. That's almost bucks.

Bucks.

Will you please drive us?

Wait a minute. So you guys

Are stranded out here...

Flagging down strangers...

And you got no cell phones...

And it's just the of you.

Alone.

Alone. Exactly. Right.

Exactly. Right.

Exactly. Right. What are you--aah!

What are you--aah!

How much time till the

Wedding starts?

Less than minutes.

No way we're gonna make it now.

Well, look, even if we're

Late, maybe if we get the cake

To the reception on time, aunt

Catherine won't be too mad.

Or maybe she'll be furious

And we'll never get that beach

House.

Man, it's getting cold out

Here.

Hold on. I think I saw an

Old blanket in the back of the

Old blanket in the back of the car.

Car.

Hey! Hey, guess what I found.

Fried chicken?

No, but...

I did find a tool box.

So? What are we gonna do with

Tools?

We can use them to get us

Into the car that you locked

Us out of.

Ok. Just open the box.

Anything good?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. An

Emergency kit.

Yes! You see? And you always

Say trevor's an idiot. All

Right, open it up and see what's

Inside.

All right, I'm opening it.

Ok, we have...

A quarter...

A can of salmon...

Open...

An ice tray...

And half a shoe.

Well, so much for our emergency

Well, so much for our emergency supplies.

Supplies.

Dude, a hanger.

How's a hanger going to help

Us?

We use it to unlock the car.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right!

Right!

You see, you just put it in

Over the window like this.

I can't believe you know how

To do this.

How do you think I got the

Squirrels in mrs. Hayfer's car?

Ah.

Ok, almost there.

Come on. Come on, come on.

You're so close. Just a little

To the left. A little to the

Left, bro.

Yeah. Ok. All right, I think

I have it on the lock.

Ok. Now what?

Well, I just have to pull it

Back like this and--

Josh!

Thank you for puncturing my

Pupil.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Look!

Look! Look! Another car's

Coming. See?

Uh-huh. Yeah...yeah, I can

See it with my eye that's

Not bleeding!

Look, let me see. It's not

Bleeding. How's it feel?

Oh, it feels a little like

This.

Ow!

You thumbed my eye.

Yeah. No charge.

Oh, dude, it's a tow truck.

Oh, finally something good

Oh, finally something good happens.

Happens.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, we need help.

Hey, hey, we need help. Please stop!

Please stop!

Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes. He's

Gonna stop. He's gonna stop.

Finally. Yes, yes.

Hey, there.

Hi.

Hi. Hello?

Hello?

No, no, no. See, our eyes--

Yeah, we--it doesn't matter.

We are just really glad to see

You.

Yeah. Looks like you boys

Could use a tow. Lucky for you

I got of 'em. Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

It's just a joke we tow truck

Drivers say.

Drivers say. Heh heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh heh.

Anyway, could you tow us to

The nearest garage?

Forget the garage. Can you

Tow us to the first presbyterian

Church on shady grove road?

We're really late for a

Wedding.

Oh, wedding, huh? So, uh...

Which one of you is gonna be

The bride and which one's the

Groom? Ha ha ha ha ha!

So...could you please just

Tow us?

Sure, sure. I just need to

See your car registration.

Oh.

It's probably in the glove

Compartment.

And we kind of locked

The keys in the car.

We?

Can you just open our door?

Yeah, yeah. Shouldn't be any

Yeah, yeah. Shouldn't be any problem at all.

Problem at all.

Problem at all. This ought to do the trick.

This ought to do the trick.

Well, we could've done that.

Well, why didn't you?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ok, man, look. We have had--

No, no, no. Look, look, look,

We'll get the window fixed

Later, all right? The important

Thing is that guy will tow us

To the wedding.

Right. Ok.

I'll get the registration.

I'll get the registration. All right, then.

All right, then.

Leslie's towing company, huh?

Yeah. Been in the towing

Business for years.

So who's leslie, your wife?

No. Leslie's my name.

[Stifles laugh]

Something funny about that?

Well, yeah. I mean, leslie's

A girl's name.

Oh, is that what you think?

What my brother meant to say

Was we don't think leslie's a

Girl's name. We think it's a

Guy's name, dude. A man's name.

A very man's name.

No, it's not. Leslie's

Totally--

Silence!

Listen, boy, I was named

After my father, he was named

After his father, and they both

Fought in wars.

Ok. All I'm saying is I've

Dated, like, leslies. All

Girls.

Ok. You know, I'll tell you

What. You can rot in a sack

For all I care. Good-bye.

No! No, no, no! Please! Wait!

Don't leave.

Don't leave. Rot in a sack!

Rot in a sack!

You had to make fun of the

Man's name?

Well, at least we can get in

The car now. Maybe we can get it

Started.

We already tried that.

Well, let's try it again, all

Right? Get in the car and turn

The key.

Fine.

I'll look under the hood and

See if I can figure out what the

See if I can figure out what the problem is.

Problem is.

All right, go.

[Engine cranks]

Ok, stop. Stop. I think I see

Ok, stop. Stop. I think I see what the problem is. Come here.

What the problem is. Come here.

You really think you see the

Problem?

Yeah. See, when you turn the

Key and it was trying to start,

That thing was hitting against

That thing.

That thing there?

Yeah. And see those wires

Right there?

Yeah.

I think they got pulled loose

When that thing knocked against

That thing.

Oh, well, maybe we just need

To reconnect those wires and

Pull that metal thing back.

Pull that metal thing back. Right.

Right.

[Electricity crackling]

There.

Let's give it a sh*t.

Let's give it a sh*t. All right.

All right.

Cross your fingers.

I'm crossing everything I

Got.

All right.

[Engine cranks]

[Engine starts]

Yes!

All right! Whoo!

Ha ha! Yes! Ok, ok, ok, ok.

We missed the wedding ceremony,

But if we hurry, we can probably

Get the cake there before it's

Time to cut it.

Which means aunt catherine's

Beach house will be ours.

Oh, yeah, baby!

Oh, yeah, baby! [expl*si*n]

[expl*si*n]

[Glass shatters]

They just robbed us.

This night could not get

Worse.

[Bird screeches]

Is that an eagle?

Is that an eagle? I don't know.

I don't know.

You got a little bird poop--

You got a little bird poop-- I know!

I know!

I know! Mmm!