04x13 - Megan's Revenge

[bunniefuu]

In life, no matter how hard

You try to do the right thing,

Sometimes you just mess up.

Hey, let's face it--half

The fun of being a teenager is

Screwing stuff up.

Like this one time after

I used dad's car, I forgot to

Set the parking brake.

Like one time, I borrowed

Dad's car after josh used it.

It was weird, 'cause I was,

Like, so sure I set that parking

Brake.

Luckily, josh didn't know

I used the car after he did.

Anyway, it ends up rolling

Down our street and crashes into

Our neighbor's mailbox.

Mrs. Futch.

So the car rolls down

The street and just takes out

This old lady's mailbox.

It was horrible.

It was kinda cool.

But I went straight to mom

And dad and told them it was

My fault.

Hey, I would've confessed,

But I had a date with samantha

Bush that weekend, and I was not

Gonna risk getting grounded.

I didn't have enough money to

Fix mrs. Futch's mailbox, so she

Made me do chores to pay for it.

Samantha bush is such a good

Kisser.

I had to mow her lawn and--

Oh! She even made me wash her

Hair.

She had such long, soft,

Blonde hair.

Her scalp had sores on it.

Yeah, I like that samantha

Bush.

Bush. I hate that mrs. Futch.

I hate that mrs. Futch.

Yeech.

What? What, you don't like

My tuna salad?

No. Who puts raisins in tuna

Salad?

The french.

Well, it's not right.

[Doorbell rings]

[Doorbell rings] [indistinct talking on tv]

[Indistinct talking on tv]

[Indistinct talking on tv] yes, I'll get it.

Yes, I'll get it.

Hi--uhh.

Hi.

Um, is this where the party is?

Uh--wh--aren't you diana

Vosh?

Yeah, I am. Um, maybe I have

The wrong address. I am looking

For sycamore terrace--

Drake! Drake!

Ugh!

What?

Door vosh is at the diana!

Huh?

Uh...diana vosh is at

The door.

Supermodel diana vosh?

Yeah!

Yeah! [Scoffs] no, she's not.

[Scoffs] no, she's not.

Hi. Um, I'm looking for

A par--

Diana doorway's in our vosh!

I know!

[Clicks]

What--do--oh!

Hey.

How you doing?

Look, could one of you guys

Just tell me how to get to

Sycamore terrace?

Uh, I don't--i don't know.

Um, you could come inside and

Maptrek it. I have a laptop!

Sure.

Ooh!

♪ I never thought

That it'd be so simple, but

I found a way,

I found a way,

If you open up your mind,

It's gonna take some time

To realign,

But if you look inside

I'm sure you'll find,

Over your shoulder,

You know that I told you

I'll always be picking you up

When you're down,

So just turn around,

So just turn around, ooh-ooh-ooh, oooooooh ♪

Ooh-ooh-ooh, oooooooh ♪

Look. Diana vosh is touching

My track pad.

Man, no one is going to believe

This.

Man, we gotta get a picture.

Yeah, yeah, good call. I'll

Go get my camera.

Ohh!

Oh, dude, I left my camera at

Sea world by the dolphin

Habitat.

Well, then go get megan's

Camera.

No. She told us to never go

In her room, and I ain't

Crossing that line.

Dude, she's sleeping over at

Janie's house, and there's

A supermodel right there. Now,

Go get megan's camera.

Ok. Just make sure diana

Doesn't leave.

All right.

[Running footsteps on stairs]

[Shudders]

Oh, camera, camera, camera,

Camera, camera,

Camera, camera, camera,

Camera, camera.

Hi, hervay.

Camera, camera, camera, camera,

Camera, camera.

Camera!

Come on, you can hang out

A couple more minutes.

I know, but I'd really rather

Leave.

But look, if you would just

Wait one second, I could--

I got it!

Uh, sorry.

Uh, we were just wondering if

Maybe we could get a picture

With you.

Sure.

Great! Great, great, great.

Ok, drake, you take a picture of

Me and diana.

Ok.

Ok, now you take one of us.

Right.

Great. Now, diana, you take

One of us.

Ok.

What are you doing?

We need a picture for our

Holiday card. Smile!

Oh!

Ok, guys, I really gotta get

Going now.

Wait, one sec, ok? I know

This might sound kind of pushy,

But, you see, I have kissed

A lot of girls in my day, but,

You see, I've never kissed a s--

But you've never kissed

A supermodel.

Right. And I really want to.

Right. And I really want to. Yeah, I hear that a lot.

Yeah, I hear that a lot.

How was that?

How was that? Super.

Super.

Now, put megan's camera back

Where you found it.

Being in her room creeps me out.

Yeah, me too.

Ohh! Look at megan's hamster!

Oh, he's washing his little

Face!

Look, let's just get out of

Here.

Oh, just wait, this is too

Cute. I gotta get a picture

Of him.

Hurry.

Hurry. Ok. Smile, hervay!

Ok. Smile, hervay!

Ok. Smile, hervay! Aww, he's playing dead.

Aww, he's playing dead.

I think he really is dead.

Ohh. That hamster cannot be

Dead. If that hamster's dead,

We're dead, because megan is

Gonna k*ll us.

Oh, what can I do about it?

I don't know. You watch [span]or.[/Span]

Fix him!

Ok, ok. Um...all right.

I need a c.b.c., A chem-,

Chest film--

Oh, just give him c.p.r.

Oh, all right.

Oh, stay with me, buddy. Stay

With me! Ok.

[Gasps]

[Blowing]

One, one-thousand, two,

One-thousand, three,

One-thousand. Breathe!

[Blowing]

[Blowing] [whimpers]

[Whimpers]

That--that's it.

:. I'm calling it.

No!

[Blowing]

[Grunting]

He's gone!

No!

Josh, megan is going to k*ll us!

No--uh--look, maybe she

Won't. Maybe she'll understand.

Think about it. Megan does

Horrible, horrible things to us

Every day for no reason.

Now, she has a reason.

We gotta get out of here!

We gotta get out of here! Wh--[muttering]

Wh--[muttering]

[Car door shuts]

Was that a car door?

[Horn honks]

Yeah, it was megan. She just

Got dropped off.

Oh, hit the music.

Right.

[Stammering]

Other way!

Other way! [Soft rock music playing]

[Soft rock music playing]

Hello.

Hey. How you doing?

What is all this?

[Chuckles] we just prepared

A little welcome-home lunch,

Featuring your favorite foods.

Yep. Nothing puts you in

A good mood like a peanut butter

And jelly sandwich buffet.

[Music stops]

Ok. I want to know what's up,

And I want to know now.

And I want to know now. Oh, ok, megan. Sit down.

Oh, ok, megan. Sit down.

[Sputters]

A-heh. Megan...

You see, we kinda borrowed your

Digital camera.

You went into my room?!

Uh, you can take it from

Here, buddy.

Thank you, drake. Um--megan,

We took a picture of your

Hamster.

Hervay?

Yeah. I guess, like,

The flash stunned his little

Nervous system, and--just--

Hervay...passed.

Hervay...passed. Wait. Hervay is dead?

Wait. Hervay is dead?

[Yelps]

[Indistinct]

Guys, it's ok.

I'm not mad.

You're not mad.

No. I mean, it's not like you

Meant to hurt him. It was just

Like a freak thing, right?

Yes.

Exactly.

Freak thing.

[Blubbers] crazy!

Well, I guess I'll go say

Good-bye to him. Thanks for

Good-bye to him. Thanks for letting me know.

Letting me know.

It worked.

I can't believe it worked.

Yeah. I--

I guess she just responded to

Our honesty and the mature way

We handled this.

We handled this. Yeah. Huh.

Yeah. Huh.

Unless it's a set-up.

It's not a set-up, ok? You're

Just being paranoid.

Am i? Josh, we're talking

About megan. I mean, this is

The little girl who cut

The brake lines on your bike

Because you scratched her yo-yo.

Now, you think she's just gonna

Let us off the hook after we

k*lled her rare cuban hamster?

You're right.

She just wants us to let our

Guard down so she can--

Well, so she can what?

Oh, I don't know! But it

Could happen anywhere, any time.

What are we gonna do now?

What are we gonna do now? [Both retching]

[Both retching]

Josh, will you stop packing?

No, I will continue packing.

Dude--

We k*lled megan's hamster.

She's gonna hurt us, and I don't

Have time for the pain.

Well, where you gonna go?

Utah.

And why utah?

'Cause nothing bad ever

Happens in utah.

Look, come here.

Look, I know this is bad, all

Right, but we just have to stay

One step ahead of her.

How?

Well, you're gonna climb up

That ladder, squeeze into

The crawl space, and look

Through megan's air conditioning

Vent to see what she's up to.

Why do I have to go up there?

Because I have to watch

The ladder.

Right.

Wait, why do you have--oh, I'll

Do it.

Good.

All right, here. We can talk

Over the walkies, all right?

Now get up there.

Ok.

Right. Hold tight. Steady.

Got it?

[Metal buckles]

[Over walkie] ok. I'm up

Here, over.

Copy that. Ok, now listen,

It's really important that you--

Audrey: drake! Josh! Dinner!

Ooh, food!

You know what? It's too dark

Up here. I can't see anything.

I'm coming back down.

I'm coming back down. There's my good ladder.

There's my good ladder.

Ok. Here I come.

Ok. Here I come. Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh! Over.

Over.

What's for dinner?

Chili.

Chili. Awesome.

Awesome.

What?

I thought you were gonna hold

The ladder.

Yeah, well, we all think

Things.

Ok, boys. Enjoy.

You and dad aren't gonna eat

With us.

Oh, no. Your dad and I are

Going out to dinner with your

Aunt libby.

This is good chili.

Mmm. Yes, this is good chili.

Way to cook it up, mama.

No, not me. Megan made it.

Later.

Megan made this?

Oh, my god.

[Both spit]

[Indistinct shouting]

Ahh!

Ahh! Ahh!

Ahh!

What time is it?

[Yawns] almost midnight.

Oh, I'm gonna get to sleep.

Wait.

We can't go to sleep together.

Megan could sneak in here and

Super glue our butts together.

Wait, do you mean, like, your

Butt to my butt, or our

Individual butts--

Does it matter?

Well, look, man, we gotta

Sleep.

Ok. Let's take turns, then.

You take the first watch while

I sleep, and then wake me up

Around a.m. And I'll watch you

While you sleep.

Ok.

Ok.

Now, keep your eyes on

The door.

Right. On the door.

Night.

Night.

And listen, dude.

If at all during the night you

Get tired or whatever, just wake

Me--

[Snoring]

Dude!

What?!

All right. You can't be

Trusted. Looks like we're both

Gonna have to stay up.

Well, then, we'd better start

Well, then, we'd better start drinking some mountain fizz.

Drinking some mountain fizz.

Why back to back?

She could come in through

The window.

Oh, right. Good call.

Fizz me.

So, seriously, dude, did you

Mean, like, your butt to my

Butt, or--

Butt, or-- watch the window.

Watch the window.

Watch the window. [Indistinct talking]

[Indistinct talking]

Sir?

[Snores]

Hey.

Hi, can I help you?

I already told you what

I wanted--large popcorn, medium

Root beer.

Sorry. I-i didn't get any

Sleep last night. I'll get your

Stuff.

Stuff. [Yawns]

[Yawns]

Enjoy your movie.

You just sprayed soda all

Over my--oh, what does it

Over my--oh, what does it matter?

Matter?

Hey.

Hey, hey. Hey, wait, where

Have you been?

Oh, taking a shower in

The rest room.

How could you take a shower

Here?

I'm not gonna take a shower

At home with megan there. You've

Seen movies. I close my eyes to

Shampoo, and end up with a fork

In my neck.

Wait, we don't have a shower

Here.

I know. You're out of baby

Wipes.

Hey, guys.

[Both stammer]

What are you doing here?

What's wrong with you ? And

Why do you look like you haven't

Slept in days?

Y-you don't need to know

Things.

Yeah, just leave us alone.

Whatever. Freaks.

Whatever. Freaks. Yeech!

Yeech!

What do you think megan was

Doing here?

I don't know, but I bet she

Is up to something.

Man, if she's gonna get us,

I wish she would just get us

Already. I-i can't take

The stress.

Hi.

[Both shout]

Um, we're from out of town,

And my friend and I were

Wondering if you guys want to

Hook up tonight, maybe get some

Dinner?

Yeah, what, did megan pay you

To take us somewhere?

Yeah, somewhere where our

Screams can't be heard?

We just thought we'd all get

Some tacos.

Oh, yeah. Revenge tacos.

Yeah, nice try, skunkbags.

[Muttering]

Oh, what are you looking at,

Huh?

Uhh--i think megan got them

All in on it, too.

Oh, we gotta get out of here!

[Stuttering]

[Screams]

[Screams] I like tacos.

I like tacos.

No, no, no, 'cause girls

Like that don't just walk up and

Ask you to tacos.

Yeah, you know, especially--

[Both scream]

Hi.

What are you doing in our

Room?

Mom said she'd give me extra

Money if I straightened up

Around the house. So I cleaned

Your room. Later.

Your room. Later. Whoa!

Whoa!

She did something to our

Room.

I know. I mean, she could've

Sabotaged anything.

We gotta check everywhere.

Oof!

Ahh!

[Dings]

Ahh!

Whoa!

Ahh!

Ahh! Ahh!

Ahh!

Did you find anything?

No. Did you?

No, and--and I can't--

I can't take it anymore, drake,

Ok? I-i haven't slept, I can't

Eat, and--and my rash is back.

It's back, and I can't reach it!

Look, josh, josh. Calm down,

Ok? Stop. Look, just breathe,

All right? You know--

Why don't you lay down and take

A nap on the couch, ok?

Yeah. Hey, you're right.

Yeah. Hey, you're right. Maybe I should just take a nap.

Maybe I should just take a nap.

Why do you want me to take

A nap, drake?

'Cause I'm worried about you.

You're in on this with megan,

Aren't you?

Josh!

You're in cahoots!

You're insane.

Cahooter!

Why would I be in cahoots

With megan?

'Cause, you're the one that

Told her that I took the picture

That k*lled hervay to save your

Own butt.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Well, how do I know you're

Not in cahoots with megan

Against me?

Oh, come on.

Oh, yeah, sure. You probably

Told megan it was my idea to

Borrow the camera in the first

Place, and now you are

Scheming it up real nice, aren't

You?

Ow!

Uh-huh!

Ow!

[Both screaming and grunting]

Get off of me!

[Indistinct]

Spanking it up! Oh!

Spanking it up! Oh! All right. Hey!

All right. Hey!

[Both yelling]

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ok. That's it, megan. We

Can't--we can't take it anymore.

If you're gonna get us,

Please, just get us already.

I already got you.

Both: huh?

Yep. I sat back quietly all

Week long, watching, while

The of you were slowly eaten

Alive by your own fear. And

That's the best revenge there

Is.

I'm gonna go have some fruit.

[Panting]

She got us...

By not getting us.

Genius.

[Beeps]

[Beeps] [both scream]

[Both scream]

Ok, that was good revenge,

Too.

And by the way--you didn't k*ll

Hervay. The camera flash just

Stunned him. He's fine. See?

[Squeaks]

[Squeaks] both: megan!

Both: megan!

Um...

You know...

I, too, have never kissed

A supermodel.

Aww.

Well, bye.

Ahh, she'll come back.

You think?

No.