02x04 - Christmas Speed Dating

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Home for Christmas." Aired: 5 December 2019 – 18 December 2020.*
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Follows Johanne, who scrambles to get a boyfriend to bring home for Christmas Eve.
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02x04 - Christmas Speed Dating

Post by bunniefuu »

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

DECEMBER TH

- Here, come with me.
- [Maria] So what happened?

[Johanne] He fell and hit his head

on his way from the tattoo parlor.

Uh, was Dad getting tatted?

- No, he was there for me.
- You get another one?

- Yeah. This and my back.
- Really?

Hey, you'll be there
on Christmas Eve, right?

Can we just skip Christmas this year?
Mom kinda torpedoed the Christmas spirit.

We're not skipping it.

You either celebrate Christmas
or you don't.

But you can't just skip Christmas.

It wasn't like Jesus hung
on the cross and went,

"Okay, never mind, folks,
let's cancel the whole thing."

- [Maria] That's Easter.
- [Johanne] What?

Easter's when he d*ed.

- That's not the point.
- [Maria] What do you say, Morten?

Can't we skip it, regroup
and hope for better luck next year?

[Tor] Look at that.

- That's the Christmas spirit.
- Hi.

Hi, Dad.

- How are you doing, old man?
- [Maria] What happened?

Have you told, uh…

Uh, not every detail.

Just that you slipped
and hit your head on the stairs

- outside the tattoo place.
- You fell down?

- Mmm.
- [Maria] I bought you crampons last year.

- Actually wear them.
- [door opens]

- [Jorid] Tor?
- Um, Mom?

- [door closes]
- Mom, what are you doing here?

[Jorid] Hi, Tor.

- Are you all right?
- Yeah. All things considered.

Severe concussion, though.

They're checking again to see
if there's a brain hemorrhage.

- Your brain could be hemorrhaging?
- [Johanne] We'll fix this.

We're keeping him under observation
just in case.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Hi, guys.

You okay?

Are you joking?

You just come stomping in here to Dad

after abandoning him for another guy,
out of nowhere?

And you don't even notice us?

- What do you think you're doing?
- Maria...

Don't you "Maria" me.
Johanne, can you show her out?

It's not hospital policy
to throw out relatives. I...

Fine. Then I'll go. Bye, Dad. [kisses]

Bye, sweetie.

I'll find my way out. Call you later.

[Johanne] Okay.

- [door opens]
- [Tor] You left.

[door closes]

What?

You ran off.

[scoffs] But I can't…
How can I possibly run from someone

- who doesn't even notice I'm there?
- What?

- [Jorid] You don't see me.
- [Tor] You're standing right there.

- She means figuratively. Come on.
- [Tor] Yeah, I know what she means.

But I didn't feel seen, either,
until I hit my head and got hospitalized.

And at least here, I get lemonade,
crackers and some positive attention.

I can hardly believe my ears right now.

I mean, are you seriously comparing
your wife to crackers and lemonade?

[door opens]

Oh, for heaven's sake.
You know your dad needs rest, Johanne.

Yes, they're actually
both on their way out.

Are you feeling a bit crowded
in here, Tor?

Yes, Bente. It is feeling crowded.

You heard the man. Everyone out,
please. Tor needs some quiet.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

But he'll be discharged soon, won't he?

We'll see about that.

Can I get you anything, Tor?
A St. Lucia bun, or...

No, hey, he's not having any of that.

His stomach gets really bloated
when he eats wheat flour.

- One bun is okay.
- Yeah. One St. Lucia bun.

And when I return, I want all of you gone.
Do I make myself clear? Got it?

Okay, you heard her.
Say goodbye to Dad, everyone.

- So… [clicks tongue]
- [Morten] Bye, Dad.

- [Tor sighs]
- [Morten] Yeah.

Tor, I hope you and I can have

a longer conversation about this
at some point, okay?

Is that all right?

We'll see.

Could I talk to you for just a bit?

Since no one else will.
Or at least it seems that way.

Okay. I get off in half an hour.
Can we talk then?

I'll wait downstairs in reception.

Okay.

[sighs]

Here is your St. Lucia saffron bun
and a glass of lemonade.

Are you doing St. Lucia?

Yes, sadly.

Management's informed us
we have to sing that stupid song...

The Holy Lucia of Syracuse?

[Tor] Known as the most beautiful saint
of them all?

Black is the dawn of night

♪ 'Round barn and dwelling

Outside there is no light
Shadows are swelling


I'll just put these in water for you.

And then I'm meeting up with Mom soon.

Is there anything you want me
to tell her for you?

Not really.

♪ Deep in the dark of night ♪

♪ Adorned by her candlelight ♪

So what makes Bengt-Erik
so much better than your actual husband?

He makes me horny.

- God, Mom. Ew.
- [Jorid] Oh, wait…

Are we not allowed to say "horny"?

Sure, but, uh…

You know, Johanne, it's very normal.

A lot of women experience a renewed
sex drive after menopause.

Okay. But you're my mom.
It's kind of a different beast.

I was extremely lucky to meet your father…

who I loved like crazy,
and who I, well… Who I love to this day.

If you still love him,
why would you run off?

Why won't you stay with him, then?

Johanne, I fought so incredibly hard
for us for a while now.

For how long?

A while.

You know…

Falling in love.

The happiness.

The first child.

The second child. The third child.

Watching them grow up.

The diapers to change.

The homework.

School. Driving around.
The dinners to make.

All the worries.
All the joy.

The first child leaves. Then the second.

Then the third.

And then…

[sighs deeply]

emptiness.

A vast, gigantic,
silent emptiness inside me.

Deep inside me, something suddenly just…

Just d*ed.

But I really can't stand the thought
of it all being over.

I want to live, Johanne.
I want to live, too.

Without your husband?

That's what I need to find out.

DECEMBER TH

Okay, everybody, are you ready?

- [woman ] Not yet.
- [woman ] Okay.

- [Johanne] Put this on…
- I'll walk in front.

- You?
- [Bente] Yes, I'll walk in front.

New instructions came down that said

the department head
must set a good example.

As head of the department and your boss,
I'm afraid that means me. I'll take that.

You can have this here.

Really?

[Bente] Let's go.

- [woman ] One verse?
- Yes.

[all singing in Norwegian]
♪ Black is the dawn of night ♪

♪ 'Round barn and dwelling ♪

♪ Outside there is no light ♪

♪ Shadows are swelling ♪

Deep in the dark of night

Adorned by her candlelight

♪ Santa Lucia ♪

♪ Santa Lucia ♪

[all hesitating]
♪ Black is the dawn of night ♪

♪ 'Round barn and dwelling

[singing continues indistinctly]

DECEMBER TH

[in English] Can I have this doohickey?
You never use it.

Uh, okay.

But can we go through the kitchen stuff

when I'm done with Nick's
whole speed dating thing?

Hmm. Okay.

- That's very generous of you, by the way.
- What?

Your offer to be a speed dating chaperone.

You'll get major karma points.
That's like next-level kindness.

[Johanne clears throat]

- Oh, hey. I forgot to tell you something.
- Hmm?

You know the roses I got
for Christmas last year?

- Yeah? Yeah.
- That hang in the kitchen?

Yeah. Well, they're not from Henrik.

- Is that a joke?
- I wish.

- Then who the heck are they from?
- No idea.

[exclaims] It's a fairy tale!

It's just like Cinderella with the shoes
and the prince and that stuff

and if you find who gave you
the roses, you find the prince.

That's a spot-on analogue for ya.

An analogy?

But you need to find him.

Hey, thank you so much for tagging along.

[Johanne] No problem.

Hey, just remember it's not
the World Cup finals, right?

Yeah, got it.

Yeah, and honestly, you've got
a great advantage going for ya.

So, what do you mean?

You're normal.

Well, thank you. But I'm thinking
maybe I might to be too normal?

No, no, that's a magical quality
to have in this setting. Trust me.

But, um, years
without a date is a long time.

- Yeah.
- [both chuckle]

Something must've happened
during those years.

Uh, yeah. Well, you know,
one time I did have a glass of wine

with a colleague from work.

- We actually had a nice time.
- Yeah?

And then, she started talking
about her upcoming honeymoon

with her husband and stuff,

so it wasn't really a date, you know?

No.

[indistinct chatter]

[chuckles nervously]

I'm a fan of Christmas.

- Yeah. Me, too.
- Great.

Such a great time of year.

- Yeah, great time of year.
- [Nick] Yeah.

December in general.

Yeah, December. Yeah.

- Yeah.
- [woman ] I mean, it's…

Uh, it's…

right after November.

Yeah.

Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?

Like half a ton, maybe? [chuckles]

You're not supposed to answer.

When I ask you how much
a polar bear weighs,

- you're supposed to say "no."
- Yeah. Okay.

No one knows how much a polar bear weighs.

Well, that depends. I got a lot up here...

Okay, but if you don't say "no,"
it ruins it.

[Nick] So ask me again. One more time.

Know how much a polar bear weighs?

- No.
- Enough to break the ice.

Oh, okay.

[chuckles]

[baby wails]

Yeah. Let's see. Hi. Hey.

He's hungry for lunch.

[baby wails]

- [Nick] So…
- Come here.

[Nick] Oh, okay. Time for some…

[woman ] Hey, sweetie.

I'm into co-sleeping,
so he's still in my bed. Yes, you are.

- How often do you shower?
- Three, four times a week, I guess.

- Do you have any allergies?
- Not that I'm aware of.

- Do you like BDSM?
- What's that?

I'll just put down "maybe."

[Knut] Uh, just a Christmas soda, please.

Something for you?

Yes, a refill on the coffee, thanks.

[bartender] Still black?

Yeah, nurse fuel. Thanks.

- [Knut] My mom's a nurse, too.
- Mmm.

- My condolences.
- [chuckles]

Okay, good one.

So do you always come here
when you're out drinking Christmas soda?

Mostly when I don't want to be
caught drinking one.

Mmm.

Are you part of all this?

No, I'm just here to support my neighbor.
Or a friend, really.

[Knut] Ah.

- You an Aries?
- I'm not.

- Libra?
- No.

- I'm...
- No. So you're a Leo, then.

Of course you are.
Being stubborn is so typical of Leos.

I get the feeling
you're the stubborn type, aren't you?

- [Nick] So, do you have any hobbies?
- I go to women's sex parties.

All right.

And this Christmas, we're having
a vulva gingerbread workshop.

[clears throat] A what?

We're making gingerbread
in the shape of labias.

Oh, fun.

[chuckles] Nice name. Nick.

- [Nick] Yeah.
- Rhymes with… [exclaims]

[woman ] He's a heavy sleeper.

So if you're looking for a roll
in the hay, I'm down.

Uh, yeah, um…

- How do you feel about a**l?
- [Nick laughs]

No. No, no. No, no.

No.

No? Um…

No.

[Johanne] How about you?

No, no. I'm…

Christmas soda's way better
than love anyway.

Yeah, plus it's nice to have a break.

- Break from what?
- The Christmas rush.

I like Christmas.

Yeah. I do too. But I tend to prefer
the quiet, nice parts of it.

- Mmm.
- Like Christmas soda and Christmas carols

- and Christmas trees and Christmas movies.
- Love Actually?

Uh, maybe not that one.

No, do you feel like it's too British?

- Yeah, that's it.
- Yeah.

[chuckles]

And Christmas concerts.

Those are nice. I haven't been
to one in forever and a day.

Well, I know there's one tomorrow,
if you wanna come along.

Wow. Just like that.

Yeah, I'll… I'll think about it.

- How tall are you?
- ' ".

[both laughing]

Yeah.

- That's like, really short.
- Yeah.

I like guys as tall as beanstalks
or basketball players.

Oh, then it won't be me and you,
that's for sure.

[both laugh]

…whereas Aquarius and Pisces
mean disaster.

I'm Pisces.

So, what's your job, what do you do?

- Well, I'm an engineer.
- So, uh…

[smacks lips] How does that work?

Well, you know,
I calculate dimensions and…

And then…

Like, we…

we're making project plans
for biofuel in relation to…

uh…

[woman chuckles]

And you…

Me?

- [Nick] Yeah.
- I'm a bike messenger.

- Right.
- But, like, I'm also in school.

Um, so I go to school part-time. So…

Yeah. But you have a bit of…

Oh! Sorry.

No, sorry, I tried to…
I wasn't sure how to tell you but…

Yeah. I got it. Yeah, okay. Well, that…

- [Johanne] Are you all right?
- [sighs]

- Did you see that?
- Yeah.

They're kind of… Let's just say direct.

Mmm. Welcome to dating world, Nick.
Time to pick up the phone.

But you didn't find
any of them cute, at least?

Maybe one.

But blood came out of her nose.

- That's unfortunate.
- Yeah.

This whole situation
just seems so unnatural.

- You're right about that.
- Yeah.

- Nick?
- Hi!

- Hi. You forgot your coat.
- Oh, yes. Thank you.

It was on your chair.

Yeah, right. That was nice of you.
Thank you.

[Johanne] Hey, she was pretty cute.

She said she'd only go out with tall men.

Oh.

- It was nice to meet you.
- Yeah, you, too. [chuckles]

Hey, that concert tomorrow
that you were talking about,

- uh, where is it?
- Uh, in Bekken Church.

- [Nick] The Christmas concert?
- Yeah.

But… that's our choir singing.

- Is it?
- [Nick] Yeah.

Wow. [chuckles]

- Cool.
- My offer still stands.

- Yeah, okay.
- [Knut] Okay?

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Meet you there at quarter to seven, then.

Make it : .

You'll be able to guarantee
a seat that way.

The place is always packed.

- Okay. : , then.
- Okay. Lovely.

- Bye. See you then!
- See you there.

- Bye.
- [Knut] Bye-bye.

[Nick] Old buddy of yours?

No, I just met him here.

Oh.

Well, he seemed like a nice guy.

- Hi.
- [Knut] Hi.

DECEMBER TH

[Johanne] Yes…

- Well, here we are.
- [Knut] Yes.

Yeah, nothing weird. Just two strangers
going to a Christmas concert together.

[Knut] Yeah,
apparently that's how it works.

You think you're having a quiet
Christmas soda, and all of a sudden

- you're out for a night on the town.
- [chuckles]

[indistinct chatter]

Merry Christmas.

You, too.

[classical Christmas music playing]

[both whispering indistinctly]

[choir singing "Silent Night"
in Norwegian]

[all clapping]

[in English] It's Christmas now.

Yeah, it is.

We've arrived at our final song.

And just like last year, our closing
number will be "O Holy Night."

Our thoughts go out
to former soloist, Ingunn,

who, um, fell victim
to a kick-sled accident,

which I'm sure you probably
read about on the Internet.

Ingunn is, um…

- is not dead, no.
- [audience laughs]

She just severely pulled her back muscles
and suffered a femoral fracture.

Um, but we do have
a wonderful choir standing here,

and there is some…

talent here. [chuckles]

And Nick has a voice that,
uh, some might call

a diamond in the rough.

- "Some."
- [audience clapping]

- [woman] Nick?
- Whoo!

[Nick clears throat]

[Christmas piano music playing]

[in Norwegian] ♪ O holy night!

The stars are brightly shining

It is the night
Of our dear Savior's birth


Long lay the world

In sin and error pining

Till He appears
And the soul felt its worth


A thrill of hope

The weary world rejoices

For yonder breaks

A new and glorious morn

Fall on your knees!

O hear the angel voices!

[off-key] ♪ O night divine

[man coughs]

O night when Christ was born

[continues singing off-key]
O night, O holy night

O night divine!

O night

- [in English] I thought I was gonna die.
- [Knut] Yeah. Me, too.

- My heart bleeds for poor Nick.
- [laughing]

- I feel like giving him a big ol' hug.
- Yeah, we need to thank him.

Is he not the bravest man
you've ever seen?

I think so, yeah.
I mean, I almost fell in love.

[chuckles] Back off, he's mine.

- [laughs]
- [waitress] Did you enjoy the food?

- It was great.
- [Johanne] Really nice.

Thank you.

I'll take that.

- Hey, I can pay for it, too.
- Absolutely not.

- Then maybe we could, uh, split it?
- No.

No? So you're just gonna carry on
the old gender stereotype?

- Yeah, that was my plan.
- Oh, yeah? Well, I refuse.

Okay, then I guess that means
I'll have to k*ll you.

- Okay. Great, then k*ll me.
- [both chuckling]

Johanne?

- Hey.
- Hi.

Hey.

- Lovely to see you.
- Nice to see you. Yeah.

It's been a long time.

- I've been thinking about you a lot.
- That's sweet. And Bali was nice?

- It was awesome. I got back this summer.
- Hmm.

This summer.

Right, well, this is Knut. Knut, Jonas.

- Jonas, Knut. Yeah.
- [Knut] Pleasure.

[Knut] Hey.

Yeah, so are you here with your friends?

No, I'm here with my uncle
and his family, pretty much.

Okay.

But I'll get out of your hair.
Have a great evening.

- You look fantastic, as always.
- You, too.

I mean, yeah, have a nice evening.

- Thanks.
- Nice to meet you.

- You, too. Bye-bye.
- Bye.

- [waitress] Here you go.
- I add a tip here?

- [waitress] Sure, if you'd like to.
- [machine beeps]

[waitress] Thanks,
that was generous of you.

Enjoy the rest of your evening.

[Knut] Thank you.
Everything was delicious.

- [exhales]
- [chuckles]

[Knut] Such a nice night.

Could you excuse me for a moment?
I gotta go to the…

See you by the coat room.

Yeah, okay. See you there.

["Somebody" by Dagny playing]

[sniffs, sighs]

♪ When you called up my phone
I was all alone ♪


♪ Voice close to my ear ♪

♪ Like the sound of a song ♪

♪ You said let's take a ride ♪

This was late July

♪ We got lost in the night ♪

♪ So we drove around town
In your b*at-up car ♪


♪ Soft sounds of your breath
And the sound of my heart ♪


♪ Don’t remember the words
I know how I felt ♪


♪ Is this trouble again? ♪

♪ I never felt like this with somebody ♪

♪ I never thought I'd feel like I do ♪

♪ I never felt this close with somebody ♪

♪ Somebody, somebody but you ♪

♪ Something ’bout you and the way we fit ♪

♪ Like the stars in the night
Heat of you on my skin ♪


♪ Hadn't known you for long
But it felt like years ♪


♪ From the second we met
I knew things would change ♪


♪ Everything would change ♪

♪ Everything would change ♪

♪ Don't remember the words
I know how I felt ♪


♪ Is this trouble again? ♪

♪ I never felt like this with somebody ♪

♪ I never thought I'd feel like I do… ♪
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