01x07 - 2 Scott 2 Pilgrim

[bunniefuu]

[Matthew yelling]

Whoa!

[dramatic swell]

[clock ticking]

[dramatic music playing]

[distorted] What? Time travel?

[whooshing]

[gasps] Huh?

What?

Excuse me?

[whooshing continues]

[grunts, yells]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts]

- [grunts]
- [whooshes]

[distorted] What even is any of this?

- [whooshing]
- [grunting]

[Scott grunts]

Who are you?

- [glass shatters]
- [yelling]

[loud rumble]

[Scott gasping]

[panting]

[mysterious music playing]

Where are we?

[narrator] Toronto, Canada.

When are we?

[narrator] The future.

- [dramatic music building]
- And you're...

- [music halts]
- Scott Pilgrim.

[dramatic music plays]

["Bloom" by Necry Talkie playing]

[song ends]

[faint whirring]

[indistinct chatter]

[electronic whirring]

- [whirring]
- Whoa!

Oh, wai... Wow.

Wow!

So we actually make it past 25!

[chuckles] Yeah, man.

We might even
make it to 40 if we're lucky.

[chuckling] This is wild!

So what's up with us?

Are... are we rich and famous?
Do we win a lot of cool fights?

We do okay.

[chuckling] The fact that
we can grow a beard alone.

Very impressive.

- Finally, somebody appreciates it.
- [vehicle approaching]

[Old Scott shudders]

[Scott shudders]

[whirring]

[whooshing]

[gentle music playing]

[whirs]

Whoa!

We live here?

No way!

Yes way. Here, let me show you our house.

[fountain flowing]

Whoa!

Uh, hey!

This place is so cool!

It's just... Was there a reason
you brought me here?

Because I was kind of
in the middle of fighting some dude.

He said he was part of
some kind of hockey league.

Ha! The League of Evil Exes.
That takes me back so many adventures ago.

That's right, evil exes.

- Whatever happened with that?
- Well, let me break it down for you.

Fighting those exes was
the biggest mistake of our entire life.

- Because we lost?
- No.

Because we won.

Come on, I'll show you.

[Scott] Whoa! VR?!

- You have virtual reality in the future?
- Yeah, we have it all.

The future's more futuristic
than they originally predicted.

- You're gonna love it here!
- I am? For how long?

Huh?

[grunting]

[chimes]

[mechanical cranking]

[whirring, creaking]

- [Old Scott] Welcome to the VR chamber.
- [upbeat music playing]

- [chimes]
- Wow!

"Wow!" [laughs]
When did Knives Chau get here? Come on.

[clanks, whirs]

[laughs]

Whoa.

[Old Scott] Give this one a spin.

Huh.

[chimes, whirs]

[game music playing]

[chimes]

[Scott] Me and Ramona?

How did you do this?

[Old Scott] Oh, it's so easy.
I paid some nerd on the Internet.

- [chimes]
- [Scott] That's that one guy. I know him.

[punk game music plays]

This is the league, eh?
They don't look so tough.

That guy just skateboarded to his death.

[Old Scott] Ah, they're chumps.
Seven deadly chumps.

- [fast-paced game music plays]
- [Scott] Wait, is that our ex?

What's she doing here?

Do we have to confront
our past or something?

Because that sounds terrible.

[Old Scott] I'm telling you,
the whole thing was terrible.

And... and for what?

- [dramatic sting]
- [Scott] You punched a girl in the boob?

[Old Scott splutters]
Circumstances beyond my control.

[chimes]

[Scott] So Ramona dated a robot.
That's progressive.

[Old Scott] No, no, she dated the Twins.
They're humans.

- [chimes]
- [Scott] What is this?

[Old Scott] Another red flag, pal.

[Scott] I don't see any flag,
and it's all red.

[Old Scott] No,
it's a... a figure of speech. God!

[wedding game music plays]

[Scott] Aw, we get married?

This is really sweet, actually.

- [Universal Studios theme game music]
- And a honeymoon in Florida! I love it!

[Old Scott] Yeah. I met Optimus Prime!
Optimus [bleep] Prime. [laughs]

[romantic game music plays]

[Scott] This is a really nice project.

[Old Scott] Oh, is that...

That's not part of it anymore.
I-Ignore that one.

I told them to take that out. Next screen.
The next one is what's important.

[aggressive game music playing]

Now this one looks like
it's in a completely different style.

Now what are you talking about?
It's the exact same, if not better.

No. It's definitely worse.
Whoever did this is bad at art.

[game music plays]

So we're divorced?

Well, technically we're separated.

Aw, man! When?

Mmm, after the honeymoon.
A few... Twelve, 13 odd years later. Yeah.

Years! What?
We must have had some good times.

Oh, sure.
But those aren't in the simulation.

- Back to the tour.
- [chimes]

Oh, I haven't even mentioned the band.

[light flickers]

[whirs]

Sex Bob-Omb is still going? Cool!

Sex Bob-Omb? Ugh! No, ancient history.

I'm talking about my new band,
Pop'n TwinBee.

The members are me and the Twins.
Thus, the... the name.

You didn't catch that?
I told you about the Twins, though, right?

The twins who dated Ramona?
Yeah, like a minute ago.

- You said we defeated them.
- Oh yeah. Duh.

Uh, we kicked their ass.
But after they respawned at home,

I guess they learned
their lesson or whatever.

You know, sometimes,
bad guys turn into great guys.

You'll learn that on a later adventure.

Oh, check out our new video.

♪ Big city... ♪

[singing in Japanese]

[in English] ♪ Heart to heart... ♪

[continues singing in Japanese]

[in English] ♪ Big city... ♪

[continues singing in Japanese]

[in English] ♪ I want your love... ♪

[continues singing in Japanese]

- [in English] ♪ Loving you... ♪
- ♪ Loving you... ♪

[continues singing in Japanese]

[Old Scott] It's a bop, right?
Over a hundred views!

Hundred and five, actually.

[chiming]

[Scott] Hey, why is all of Old Wallace's
old stuff in our garage?

[Old Scott] "Our" garage?

[sucks teeth] Aw. When I said "our house,"
you thought I meant me and you. Oh!

Knock, knock. You boys want some iced tea?

[chimes]

Two Scotts. Yikes.

- Nobody mention Sonic the Hedgehog.
- [whoosh]

- It's not what it looks like.
- Sonic the Hedgehog?!

[ice rattling]

How can Old Wallace
afford such a big house? No offense.

None taken. I can't afford it.
It's kind of a sugar daddy situation.

Sugar what?

[electronic squawk]

- My husband is...
- Don't.

Well, it's not a secret.

[Old Scott] He's not ready.

I haven't prepared him.

[Old Wallace] He's gonna find out
one way or another.

[sighs] All right, all right.

I... I didn't want to do this so soon,
but he's right.

Somebody needs to tell you.
Wallace's husband...

works at Nintendo.

[dramatic sting]

- Where they make the video games?
- [Old Scott] Yes.

Does he get every game for free?

- Yes.
- He doesn't. That's not true.

It's true. They get every game for free.

[upbeat music playing]

- [gasps] I knew it!
- [chimes]

- [Old Wallace] Mm-hmm.
- Well, Wallace, I'm really happy for you.

Oh please! You're seething with jealousy.
Get your own husband.

[drink splashes]

- [chiming]
- [exhales]

[narrator] Scott Pilgrim is refreshed.

So why do we live here, Old Me?

I thought when we grew up, we, 'd you know,
no offense, stop living with Wallace?

None taken. This is temporary.

We're... we're just crashing here
while we figure stuff out.

Stuff with Ramona?

[splutters] Not everything
is about Ramona, okay?

But, yeah, obviously, stuff with Ramona.

And where's Old Wallace's husband?

- [Old Wallace] He's at work.
- Oh, is that where he is?

Yeah. I guess he's been there
for a few weeks then?

What are you insinuating?

I mean, I'd stay there too.

Young Scott, shut up. You're not helping.

I'm regular Scott.

He's Old Scott.

Fine. Regular Scott, shut up.

Old Scott, why is there
a younger you in my kitchen?

- Huh!
- [splashes]

What... what do you mean?
This was your idea!

I'm sorry?

Yeah. When me and Ramona
were having problems,

you said,
"Too bad I don't have a time machine

so I can go back and stop myself
from dating her in the first place."

Buddy, I was obviously joking.

Well... [exhales sharply]

...now you tell me.

[Old Wallace] For real?

How the hell did you get
a time machine in the first place?

That technology
hasn't even been invented yet.

[upbeat music plays]

- Hey, you guys are smart, right?
- Huh?

Do you think time travel is possible?

- Hmm...
- Mmm...

[pensive music playing]

[Old Ken] He's retired, but...

if Robot-01 was disconnected
from the space-time continuum,

he would experience the entire duration
of his existence simultaneously.

- [whooshes]
- [whirring]

[zaps]

- Which would mean...
- [Old Kyle] In theory, at least.

[Old Ken]...sure, yeah, time travel.

[Old Kyle] Kids' stuff. Easy.

[upbeat music plays]

Was that seriously the end of the story?

Wait a second.

You brought me to the future
so I wouldn't fight the exes?

So I wouldn't date Ramona?

What? No!

I just wanted someone to play two player
side-scrolling b*at-'em-ups with, dawg.

- I don't think that's it.
- Yeah, okay. All right, all right.

Yeah, I took you away
from Ramona on purpose.

See, I used to have a heart.
It was right here.

Now it's gone because she tore it out
and she rollerbladed all over it.

Now it's all smooshed and broken
and covered in rollerblade tracks.

- [whoosh]
- Hey, I'm sure you two can work it out.

Or you can tell me what you did wrong,
and I can go back and do a better job.

Uh, you immediately assume I messed up!

But I'm a good husband.

I do the dishes,
I walk the cats, I make the spaghettis.

And I won't take you back to the past
until I know for a fact

that you won't date Ramona Flowers.

Ugh!

Because she is the one who's bad news!

Not us!

[door opens, slams shut]

Is Old Me okay?

Remember how you were
after Envy Adams dumped you?

It's like that times ten.

Oh no.

[birds squawking]

Life's a funny thing.

I'm sure not where I expected to be

when I woke up
this morning in Ramona's bed.

- But it's not all bad, I guess.
- [chimes]

Hey, I'm Scott, by the way.
Didn't I see you at The Rockit?

- Back at our show in the past.
- [electronic beep]

I know that was a while ago for you,

but did you happen
to get any of that on video?

[electronic beep, whir]

You record video of everything?

Like "everything" everything?

[chimes]

Huh.

[whirring]

[chimes, whirs]

[electronic warble]

Let's start with the moment I left.

[game music playing]

[whirring]

[whirring continues]

[indistinct whispers]

- Video games rule!
- [beeping]

[gentle music playing]

- [rollerblading]
- [loud clank]

[chimes]

- [whoosh]
- [clanking]

[chimes]

[beeps]

- [whirring]
- [loud bang]

[whirring continues]

- [rollerblades rattle]
- [bag thuds]

[chimes]

- [door whirs]
- Hmm?

[dramatic music playing]

[grunts]

- [Old Wallace] What the... [grunting]
- [loud bang]

Stop! We come in peace!

[Old Wallace and Scott groaning]

[sighs] Sorry about this.
He kept asking to see you. Very annoying.

Anyway, he's your problem now.

Hold it. You're not going anywhere.

I heard about Old You's
idiotic time travel plan.

Sort of thought it was a joke.

Convince himself
to stop being obsessed with me?

Has he met himself?

That's why I came up with a backup plan.

A few years ago,
one of your dumb friends wrote a memoir.

[Scott] "Scott and Ramona and Me."

"My Precious Big Life
as Scott Pilgrim's Best Pal."

"By Old Young Neil."

Huh.

I read it. Decent love story.
Could have used more Wallace.

"Scott and Ramona loved each other
very, very, very, very, very much."

[Ramona] If Old Scott
was gonna erase everything,

I wanted there to be some way
for you to discover our story.

So I sent it back in time.

You have a time machine too?

They're made out of parts
from an old DeLorean.

When I hit 88 miles per hour,
I travel through time.

I don't know what that is in kilometers.

Okay. I get the plan in theory,
except Scott doesn't read books.

Yeah, but I thought of that.

So I moved some scenes around,
combined a few characters,

and before I knew it,
I had a tight little screenplay.

[pensive music playing]

So you thought Old Me would convince
this me that Young You was bad news

and he'd send me back home
and we'd break up.

And then one day,
I'd be at my local cineplex

and see a preview
for a movie about myself...

Okay.

The plan may have been misguided. I just...

[sighs] I had to try.

I mean, he's the love of my life.

Then it wasn't misguided.

[Ramona] Scott, the plan was a disaster.

The movie fell apart, careers ended.

- That's not the story I saw.
- Huh?

[gentle music playing]

[inaudible]

[Scott] I saw a story about you.
Or another you.

The Ramona I left.

She was looking for me.

Looking for answers, never giving up.

Like that famous detective.

- [Ramona] Columbo?
- I was gonna say Detective Pikachu.

But Columbo, exactly.

Your Ramona sounds pretty cool.

So cool.

Well, then we better make sure
she gets what she wants.

Goodbye, Old Wallace. Love the new hair.

Call your husband.

I agree, looks hot.
And you should call your husband.

Don't tell me what to do.

But thank you. I do look hot.

[upbeat music playing]

[zipping]

[whooshes]

[whirring]

- [loud zap, whoosh]
- [glass shatters]

[whooshes, chimes]

Hey, baby, miss me? How's work?

So that's why you're steaming.

Wait, is Future Me here?

Uh, I was just gonna drop him off,

but figured I'd stick around
long enough to say hi.

Well, hi.

Uh...

- [Kim] I gotta get a picture of this.
- [camera shutter clicking]

- [loud zap]
- [rumbles]

Hey,

this is yours, right?

Oh, thanks, Knives.

Um, while we're talking,
FYI, I met someone.

So I've gathered.

I'm really sorry.

I probably should've told you sooner.
It all just happened so fast.

And maybe this isn't the best time
to have this realization,

but I probably shouldn't have been
dating you in the first place.

Apparently, a 23-year-old
dating a high schooler

is frowned upon by society.

[Knives sighs]

Scott, I'm glad you're alive...

but I'm also glad you d*ed.

It gave me a lot of space
to reflect and grow.

So thanks!

Anytime.

Huh? [grunts]

- [Scott grunts]
- You're back! You're actually back.

Yeah. It's... Yeah.

[gentle music playing]

[both moan, exhale]

- [zapping]
- [both gasp]

- [loud zap]
- [both grunting]

- [both grunt]
- [loud crash]

- [grunts] What the...
- Huh?

[both yell, grunt]

[zapping continues]

[laughing]

- Wow! That really sucks.
- [Knives continues laughing]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for laughing.

It must mean there's unfinished business.

- Emotional business.
- [whoosh]

♪ Can I get a witness? ♪

Stop.

I hate to say it, but what if
I still have to fight your exes?

I don't know, pal. A lot has happened.

How much did you see
on that futuristic VR thingy?

- I'm pretty much caught up.
- Then you know the game has changed.

But the players are the same.

So we track my exes down.
One by one, again.

- [squeak]
- [gasps] Wait!

What if there was somewhere you could find
all the exes gathered together

at the same time
to celebrate musical theater!

[dramatic swell]

[upbeat music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

[camera shutters clicking]

[helicopter hovering]

[electronic music playing]

[paparazzi grunts]

- [camera shutters clicking]
- [paparazzi grunting]

- [crowd cheering]
- [swords slash]

Hey, you. Hi

- [paparazzi grunting]
- [whirring]

- [chimes]
- [camera shutters clicking]

[both] Mmm.

[crowd continues cheering]

Hmm.

Huh?

- [paparazzi grunting]
- [grunts]

[grunting]

- [dramatic sting]
- [loud slash]

[paparazzi] Ooh!

[tires screech]

[chomps, grunts]

[grunting]

[indistinct chatter]

Whoa!

Todd Ingram, the former vegan?

Never heard of him. I'm a solo act now.

Of course, we're here to celebrate
my dead roommate's life,

but why not cast me? I'm a triple thr*at.

♪ Why'd you have to go
And make things so complicated? ♪

Yeah, Scott was my brother.

He's alive?

Well, then I guess
I should say Scott is my brother.

[electronic music continues]

[Ramona] Everyone have their tickets?

Then it's time for the big finale.

[upbeat music plays, halts]

["Konya Wa Hurricane"
by Kinuko Omori playing]

[music fades]