01x03 - I Did It Norway/Live and Let Pie

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR:Last time on The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle...

Bullwinkle used Rocky's crippling stage fright

to advance to the final round of Le Grand YumYum Cooking Competition.

But that's when Bullwinkle remembered

he forgot the secret ingredient

for his Grandwinkle's pie recipe.

Which was no longer a secret

because Boris and Natasha managed to sneak a peek

and were also in need of the secret ingredient

for Fearless Leader's evil pie plan.

Other things you need to know.

This is Director Peachfuzz.

She thinks Rocky and Bullwinkle are up to no good.

This is Grandwinkle. She's vacationing in Norway.

Isn't she adorable?

Bingo!

NARRATOR:And now we continue our story in beautiful Norway

where our heroes arrived... (TIRES SCREECHING)

(CRASHING) (CAT SCREECHING)

...just three days before Le Grand YumYum finale.

And time was ticking

to obtain the secret ingredient needed for Bullwinkle's pie.

Lutefisk and the lure of the open seas was calling out to Bullwinkle.

Avast!

NARRATOR:Unfortunately, the same could not be said for Rocky.

Raise the jibbies!

Batten down the hunches,

and other boaty stuff.

Let's see, motion sickness pills, anti-nausea cream...

(GASPS) Where are my barf baggies?

What's the matter? You look a little pukey there, ol' pal.

Uh, to tell you the truth,

I'm not much of an ocean person.

What? How do you not love the ocean?

With its lovely waves rocking you back and forth,

and back and forth, and back and forth...

Oh, jeez. I'm gonna hurl. (RETCHING)

Nonsense!

You'll get your sea legs.

Grandwinkle will make a sailor out of you yet. (HORN BLARING)

(GROANS) And there she is now!

Bullwinkle, come here and give your Grandwinkle a big hug

so we can rock...

BOTH: Back and forth and back and forth...

(GROANS) Okay, tell me I've got something for hug-sickness.

Thanks for helping, Grandwinkle.

The YumYum finale's coming up and I need lutefisk pronto.

Well, you're in luck, sonny,

because I know exactly where the lutefisk gather.

I went there all the time in my younger days, until

it came into my life.

Is it just me or did that get dark real quick?

Anyway, let's load up the supplies.

I packed sandwiches, sunblock,

and harpoons.

Uh, how big are these lutefisk?

You just leave the fishing to ol' Grandwinkle.

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY) (THUNDERCLAP)

NARRATOR:Oh, my!

Crazed look in her eye? Four hundred harpoons?

Something seems very fishy about this fishing trip.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ When danger is near There's nowhere to hide

♪ It's silent but deadly And comes from inside

♪ Stink of fear

♪ What's that smell?

♪ Stink of fear

♪ What's that smell to you? ♪

NARRATOR: So as our fishing friends set sail in search of lutefisk,

Boris and Natasha also arrive to catch the same secret ingredient.

Give us the fastest, strongest,

most evil boat in your fleet.

I've got one boat left. We'll take it.

Look out, world. Here comes Captain Boris.

Scourge of the high seas,

striking fear into the hearts

of all who cross his path.

(LAUGHS DIABOLICALLY)

(PEDALS SQUEAKING)

Hey, Captain,

I can't help but notice I'm doing all the pedaling.

You know Captain Boris has tiny legs.

(STRAINING)

BULLWINKLE: Jibbies! Hoist things!

Lutefisk!

That was Moose and Squirrel.

They must be after stink-fish too.

Ha! Why would we fish when we could just steal theirs?

We are so much better at stealing fish than fishing fish.

After them, Boris. Pedal. Faster!

BORIS: You got it! (STRAINING)

Ugh! Stuck in a Just Married swan boat with Captain Tiny Legs.

How could this get any worse?

WOMAN: Look! Newlyweds!

(ALL CHANTING) Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

NARRATOR:So as Boris and Natasha pursued Rocky and Bullwinkle,

who were pursuing the lutefisk,

who were unaware they were being pursued by the S.H.H.

or is it "Shh"?

Super hi-tech microphone in range, Director Peachfuzz.

Good. 'Cause all I need is audio evidence of their nefarious plot

and I can put this Moose and Squirrel away for good.

They'll never see another sunset,

read another bedtime story,

or bake another pie.

GRANDWINKLE: (ON SPEAKER) Now don't forget our plan of att*ck.

Remind us again of our mission, oh, great leader.

Here it comes.

GRANDWINKLE: We must sneak up very slowly

and without mercy launch our sneak att*ck,

which is, as follows...

(VOMITING) What was that?

What was that noise? It sounded like a squirrel

barfing on a microphone, ma'am.

(MOANING)

(CRACKLING) (SPLASHING)

Taking out our microphone? Well played, Squirrel.

But you know what I'll do when I catch them?

You'll put 'em away. I'll put 'em away.

Then I'll let 'em out so I can put them away again.

Well, it is your thing.

Now get me closer and get me another microphone.

Right away, Director Peachfuzz.

Closer. Uh...

(MUMBLING) Okay, so... Oh, boy. Um...

You don't know how to go closer?

If you'll remember, ma'am, you shredded the submarine user manual.

This is a highly advanced stealth submarine.

If we get captured, we can't let our enemies know how to use it.

But now we don't know how to use it.

How hard can it be to figure out a hi-tech sub?

So somebody start pressing buttons!

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Yeah, I gotta put this thing back together.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING DISTANTLY) Ah, this is the life, right, Rock?

The open air, the thumping dance b*at of the ocean.

(VOMITING)

I have to admit. I am feeling a little better.

We're here, boys. The Polar Barrier Reef.

This is where I last saw it.

You mean the lutefisk?

'Cause I don't see any lutefisk.

Oh, that's because you two have to feed them first.

Feed them? With what?

GRANDWINKLE: With Grandwinkle's signature chum.

Chum?

Ah, the old chum trick.

No lutefisk can resist the taste of these slimy fish guts

atop the waters,

floating back and forth and back and forth.

Here it comes. This is happening.

(VOMITING) Oh, wow, that's a big one.

(THUDDING) I bet he feels better now.

(ROCKY SCREAMING)

Nope. (ROCKY VOMITING)

Maybe just I'll feed the lutefisk.

NARRATOR:So as Rocky was hopefully on his way to feeling better,

Captain Boris and Natasha arrived to get the better of Bullwinkle.

Slow down. We don't want Moose and Squirrel to see us following them.

Trust me, this is perfect distance.

Here, lutefisk. Here, fishies.

You're right.

That was perfect.

That's not enough. More chum!

Okay, let's hope that is last of fish guts.

BULLWINKLE: And one for good luck.

And another, and another, and another.

Why is water rising?

Too much chum.

This can't get worse.

Okay, now it can't get worse.

(ALL CHANTING) Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Now it can't get...

Stop saying that!

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Hey, guys, great news.

I'm all out of vomit and... (SPLASHING)

Hokey smokes!

Look! Lutefisk!

We did it. Let's catch that secret ingredient

and Le Grand YumYum first prize, here we come.

And revenge, here I come.

(SPLASHING)

Well, well, well.

After years,

I finally found you.

Hey, Grandwinkle, could you back up a little bit?

I can't quite reach the fishies.

(MOTOR WHIRRING)

Huh. That's funny.

The lutefisk are going away.

They're not the ones going away. We are.

You're mine, you hear?

Mine! (LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

(THUNDERCLAP)

Is it just me,

or did the color of the background just change?

(LAUGHS)

Trying to hide, eh? Well, I'll find ya, ya sea scum.

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY) (THUNDERCLAP)

Excuse me, Grandwinkle?

Hello.

I don't know if you noticed because of the crazed look in your eye

or the random lightning,

but you seem to be steering us

a teensy bit away from the lutefisk.

We're not going after lutefisk.

We were never going after lutefisk.

We're going after the whalefisk!

(THUNDERCLAP)

Yeah. Can we not do that?

Here I come, you monster! (BOTH SCREAM)

Bullwinkle, if we don't turn around, we'll never get the lutefisk!

You're right.

Quick! Batten down the hatches!

Raise the jibbies!

You don't know what any of that means, do you?

Sadly, no.

But I do know there's only one thing left to do.

Take control of this boat.

With the one thing no Grandmother can resist.

(BOTH LAUGHING CUNNINGLY)

For years I've been searching for you

and I've finally... (BELL RINGING)

Tea time!

Tea. The one thing no grandmother can resist.

Yeah. Now.

BOTH: We did it!

Lutefisk, here we come!

(BOTH LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(THUNDERCLAP) (LIGHTNING CRACKLING)

(WHEEZING COUGH)

You have to stay left of the crazy lightning, dearie.

Well, back to revenge.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

NARRATOR: Will Rocky and Bullwinkle get control of that boat

and get their lutefisk?

What's the deal with Grandwinkle and the whalefisk?

And what is a whalefisk?

Find out after this important message

from the Norwegian Tourism Bureau.

(PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING) NORWEGIAN NARRATOR:Come to beautiful Norway.

We have everything.

Like this fjord.

And this fjord.

Oh, that's a nice fjord.

And remember this fjord?

Here it is again.

Norway.

It's out of the fjord-inary.

NARRATOR: And now back to our show, where it turns out

Boris and Natasha were not surrounded by man-eating sharks

but by Norwegian performing dolphins.

(DOLPHINS CLICKING) Faster, performing dolphins!

We must catch up to Moose and Squirrel before... (ALARM BLARING)

Fearless Leader calls.

Hi, Fearless Leader. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Hello.

Where is my lutefisk?

Fear not, your intrepidness.

We are speeding towards target right now.

Why are you bobbing up and down?

Are you riding dolphins? (DOLPHINS CLICKING)

What? No. We're... We're hopping up and down

because we're so excited to get you that stinky fish

to help with your awesome plan.

(DOLPHINS CLICKING)

It's so awesome.

Tell us about it again, you tell it so well.

Okay. I need the stinky fish to make the super stinky pie

that will go into my evil device

which will give me the power to rule ze world!

Now, bring me back that fish or else! (STATIC)

Whew! That was close.

And we need stinky fish now.

Look, Natasha. Fish bubbles.

Perhaps it's large school of stinky-fish ready to be caught.

(ROARING) (BOTH SCREAM)

Yeah, that's not stinky-fish.

(DOLPHINS CLICKING) (BOTH SCREAM)

NARRATOR:Oh, my! That must be the whalefisk!

So as Boris and Natasha became, er, fish food,

Rocky and Bullwinkle were still trying to find a way

to take control of the boat from Grandwinkle.

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY) (THUNDERCLAP)

Bullwinkle, I just thought of a way to stop the boat. Look.

Great idea. We'll use the rope to catch the sea gulls,

train each one in the ancient art of sailing,

then get them to steer the boat for us.

I was gonna say we could just use the anchor.

Anchor? (LAUGHS) Oh, Rock, that'll never work.

(SPLASHING AND CLANGING)

What? No.

No!

So, Grandwinkle,

how do I put this?

What the hokey smokes is going on?

(SIGHS) It's time I told you both the truth.

It was years ago.

Your Grampwinkle was serenading me on our honeymoon.

(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ Love! It's got me I'm not joking around

♪ It's really got me Love!

♪ I'm telling you The truth

♪ It's got me Love!

♪ It just won't let me go ♪

GRANDWINKLE: That's when it arrived.

(SCREAMS) Your Grampwinkle was knocked into the water.

I looked everywhere for him,

but all I found was...

(GASPS)

...it.

Horace?

(BURPING)

Horace!

A steely soul

and an evil eye protruding from its head.

I'll never forget it.

But you always told me my Grampwinkle was eaten by a giant whale and...

Oh, wait, you did tell me. Never mind.

Every year I come back to these cold, dark waters to seek my revenge.

And this year,

I will find you!

Great news, everybody. Page one is taped back together.

Director Peachfuzz, we've got audio from the boat.

Finally, I'm gonna find out what their evil plot is.

GRANDWINKLE: (LAUGHS DIABOLICALLY) After all these years,

the time is now.

Nothing will stop me until I've gotten my ultimate revenge!

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY) "Ultimate revenge"? On who?

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY) (THUNDERCLAP)

(LIGHTNING CRACKLING)

(STATIC)

Why did we lose the connection?

The microphone was struck by crazy old lady lighting, ma'am.

Well then hit the "get me a new microphone" button!

Uh, let's try, uh, this one.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

I hate this sub!

Mark my words, boys,

nothing can stop me from catching that beast.

But revenge is a vicious cycle, Grandwinkle.

And hurting others only creates more pain.

Isn't that right, Bullwinkle?

We gotta get that whalefisk!

Wait, what? You heard what Grandwinkle said.

That whalefisk ate my Grampwinkle. It's payback time.

(THUNDERCLAP)

Oh, not the lightning again.

NARRATOR: Then, in a classic case

of unfortunate timing and mistaken identity,

the S.H.H. Submarine surfaced.

Look! Steely soul. One eye?

It's the whalefisk.

You're all mine!

Are you sure it's the whalefisk?

'Cause it kinda looks like a submarine.

This is for my Grampwinkle, you blow-holed bully! (CLANGING)

(ALARM BLARING) Director Peachfuzz, we're under att*ck.

Attacking a government sub? That's against the law.

And that means I can finally...

ALL: Put 'em away.

Now taste steel, you scaly finned devil!

(CLANGING) BULLWINKLE: What is that whalefisk made out of?

Metal? Uh... Yes!

Another hit, Director Peachfuzz. Should we retreat?

And show weakness? Never.

Because I just taped together page .

And it says this sub has a "fire everything" button.

(COMPUTER BEEPING)

Hey, guys.

Your whalefisk just fired a whole ton of everything at us!

Uh, I’m a little busy here polishing harpoons, Rock.

Unbelievable. (WHOOSHING)

NARRATOR:Then, with his natural survival skills and flying capabilities,

Rocky grabbed a fish net and took to the skies.

(GRUNTING)

(STRAINING)

Yeah!

(SIGHS)

(SPLASHING)

(SQUEAKING) BULLWINKLE: Hey, Rock.

Look what we found.

Feel the Winkle wrath, whalefisk! (f*ring)

Check it out, people.

I fixed the rest of the manual

and now we're unstoppable.

Yeah, I'm not doing that again.

Retreat!

(ROPE STRAINING)

Trying to get away, are you? Oh, no, you don't!

NARRATOR:As Bullwinkle was in a tug of w*r with what he thought was the whalefisk,

Boris and Natasha woke up inside the actual beast of the deep.

So, are we in heaven?

Well, you're here, so definitely no.

Boris, look! Something's inside here with us!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Didn't mean to scare you there.

Name's Horace Grampwinkle.

NARRATOR: Whoa! It's Grampwinkle. And he's still alive.

What is old moose doing in whale?

Swallowed by the whalefisk, same as you.

Been here some -odd years.

Uh-huh. Yeah. And how are you still alive?

By living off whatever the whalefisk swallowed.

Fish, barnacles, a shipment of contemporary Norwegian furniture.

Affordable and stylish.

And I have to look out for my son, Woodocchio.

(CUCKOO CLOCK CHIMING)

Now, I know what you're thinking, but I'm not crazy.

I know he's just driftwood with a face drawn on it,

but it's just a thing I did to keep myself sane all these years.

Smart.

Anyhoo, time to feed Woodocchio his daily bucket of nails

or he won't turn into a real boy.

Yeah, this guy is totally gone.

We've got to get out of here.

If there's a way out, don't you think I would have found it?

For years I've tried the front, I've tried the back,

I've tried everywhere.

What about the blowhole?

Ah. Well, good luck with the whole crazy thing

you've got going on here. Bye.

Don't leave me with moose and wood boy.

(WHIMPERS) No. (GRUNTING)

Get off me, you fool.

What...

(GARGLING)

Idiot. Now we're stuck in here because of your big, fat head.

(RUMBLING) What's happening?

You've gone and made him angry,

and you won't like him when he's angry.

NARRATOR: And Grampwinkle was right, for the whalefisk,

desperate to shake the fat-head Pottsylvanian loose...

Hey!

...found itself swimming directly in the path

of the harpoon rope attached to the submarine,

causing it to surface, flinging the submarine into the air

and onto the Polar Barrier Reef,

which made the polar bears very angry...

(POLAR BEARS GROWLING) ...which scared the S.H.H.,

but then the submarine cracked open...

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) ...causing a short

which started a giant disco party, and then everybody danced.

Meanwhile, back on the boat...

Where'd it go? We can't let it get away.

Oh, for the millionth time,

that thing is not a whalefisk!

I stand corrected.

How can this story get any worse!

(ALL CHANTING) Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Will you stop saying that.

Say goodbye, whalefisk.

(GRUNTING) (WHINES)

What are you waiting for?

That monster ate your Grampwinkle.

(WHINES)

I... I can't.

Rocky was right.

Revenge is a horrible thing to waste.

Close enough, buddy.

If I hurt this whalefisk,

it only creates more hurt in the world.

Oh, Bullwinkle.

You've learned a wonderful lesson.

But I haven't!

(GRUNTING) GRAMPWINKLE: Doris? Is that you?

Horace?

It can't be.

You're alive!

BOTH: Aww!

(WHALEFISK AWING)

TOURISTS: Aww!

NARRATOR:Aww!

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

GRAMPWINKLE: Thanks for keeping me safe for years.

(WHALEFISK HUMS HAPPILY)

It almost makes up for the fact you ate me in the first place.

(MOANS)

So long, old friend.

Well, I guess everything is as it should be.

Wait, we never got the lutefisk you need for your pie.

What? Classic overhead sh*t please.

No!

You say you need lutefisk?

Yes. Lutefisk is all that crazy whale ate.

Heck, it was the only thing that kept me alive for years.

Yes! We did it, Bullwinkle!

Oh, Horace.

We have a lot of catching up to do.

Now that we're together, I promise we'll never be separated again.

(BIRD SCREECHING)

(SCREAMING)

Seriously? A birdfisk?

I'll get my revenge!

Classic Grampwinkle. He just can't catch a break.

But with the lutefisk we can now catch the next train to Prague

and make the finals of Le Grand YumYum.

Le Grand YumYum, here we come.

DIRECTOR PEACHFUZZ: (STAMMERS) Freeze!

NARRATOR:Oh, no. What are the agents of S.H.H. going to do to our heroes?

Will Grampwinkle be rescued from the giant birdfisk? (BIRD SCREECHING)

ALL: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! And will Boris and Natasha

ever get off the kiss kiss boat?

Find out the answers on the next exciting episode

Pour Some Lutefisk On Me

or The Pie-Nal Countdown.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)