01x18 - The Legends of the Power Gems

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: Ah, Venice, Italy.

What a wonderful place to relax.

The gondolas, the canals,

and the amazing Venetian Baths.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

NARRATOR: Sweet rising waters!

What have our hare-brained heroes done now?

Uh, can't you see we're in the middle

of a super exciting adventure right now?

With a globe-trotting treasure hunt?

In a quest for a mysterious ancient gem?

NARRATOR: Ooh. Exciting. Tell me more.

Uh, we really don't have time to explain.

You should probably cut to hours earlier.

NARRATOR: Okay, fine.

But I can't wait to see how this turns out later.

Ah, hours ago.

A simpler, less soggy time,

where we find our heroes at home celebrating an important holiday.

[CHIRPING]

BOTH: Happy friend-a-versary!

NARRATOR: Yes, their friend-a-versary.

The anniversary of the day they became friends.

Wow, Bullwinkle.

I can't believe it's our friend-a-versary again.

Yeah. It's like we've known each other forever.

Here, I got ya something.

A present. Aw, you should have.

A tie.

You look so boss right now.

Thanks, Rock. I love it. Not really.

And I got you something.

Another marker?

Yeah. It goes with the one I got you last year.

And the year before that.

And the year before that.

I love it.

[ALARM BLARING]

Bullwinkle, it's time for our super special friend-a-versary dinner.

At the most fanciest restaurant in Frostbite Falls.

BOTH: Long Tom Lobster's!

NARRATOR: Oh, yeah. Long Tom Lobster's,

the fanciest restaurant in Frostbite Falls.

And you know it's super fancy

because it's got complimentary cheesy crab sticks,

and a cool lobster mascot.

BOTH: Long Tom Lobster's mascot, Lonny Lobster!

BOTH: Selfie.

[BOTH WHIMPERING]

Excuse me, we have a reservation for two

under "Best Friends Ever."

Uh-uh-uh, no adult menus, good sir.

Two of your finest kids' menus, please.

My friend and I have a maze to solve.

NARRATOR: Ah. The Long Tom Lobster's kids' menu maze.

Complete with tic-tac-toe,

wordy word search,

connect the dots,

and a maze craze so difficult,

no one has ever solved it.

But legend has it, whoever does solve it,

will win a treasure more spectacular

than you could ever possibly imagine.

One free shrimp dinner.

[CHUCKLES] Is so tasty.

I tell you, Rock. Every friend-a-versary,

we try to solve this maze and fail.

But this is the year

these crayons lead us to free shrimp.

[BUZZES]

[TIRES SCREECHING, CRASHES]

[ENGINE REVVING, CRASHES]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

This maze is impossible!

[GROANING]

Bullwinkle, you gotta relax.

How do I do that?

Well, when I want to hit the chill zone,

I calm down by doing origami.

Ori-what-what?

Origami.

The Japanese art of paper folding.

[BLOWS]

Okay, I'll give it a sh*t.

Bullwinkle, wait.

When you folded the menu,

you revealed a secret path

that leads right to the treasure.

[GASPS]

Let's finish it together.

BOTH: We solved the maze!

WAITER: They did it.

[CHEERING]

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

MAN: Did it happen? Is it true?

Mm-hmm.

MAN: Then bring them to me.

NARRATOR: Is what true?

Who is he calling on that lobster phone?

What's with the ominous doom-y music?

Find out after this super adventure-y new title sequence.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

NARRATOR: As our heroes left in the Long Tom Lobster-copter

to receive their shrimp prize...

[THUNDER RUMBLING] ...way over in Pottsylvania,

Boris and Natasha were training for their next big mission.

[IN THICK RUSSIAN ACCENT] We are trained and ready

for next secret mission, Fearless Leader.

[IN THICK RUSSIAN ACCENT] We practiced our chopping.

BOTH: Chop!

And flipping.

BOTH: Flip!

And smashing.

Just like you asked us to.

Good. Then it is time to put on your new secret mission uniforms.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

BOTH: Huh? -What just happened?

I'm tired of trying to take over the world with "lasers" and "missiles."

So, now I'm going to take over the world

with my own chain of seafood restaurants.

BOTH: Fearless Fish N Bits?

FEARLESS LEADER: Think about it.

Millions of people eat food.

If I could get them to eat my seafood

then they'll love it so much,

it'll be all they eat.

Then I get all their money,

then I buy everything,

and ding! I rule the world.

This is big secret mission?

Why did we do all that chopping and flipping training?

Because you're going to be chopping the fish

and flipping them into the fryer.

What about the smashing?

[DINGS]

Order's ready.

[LAUGHS] I like the bell.

No, you don't.

Now, get ready for customers

because it's time for the grand opening.

[GRUNTS]

[ELECTRICAL BUZZING]

[HORN HONKING]

Oh. And here comes our first customer.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[TIRES SCREECHING, HORNS HONKING]

Look. A new Long Tom Lobster's just opened.

Cheesy crab stick time, baby.

Don't they know that if their restaurant is there,

my restaurant suffers?

-Yeah. -Capitalism time, baby.

Change of plans!

I want you to infiltrate

Long Tom Lobster Corporate headquarters,

steal their corporate secrets,

so I can b*at them at their own game.

And ding! I rule the world!

BOTH: Da, Fearless Leader.

BOTH: Flip, flip, flip, flip.

[LAUGHS CUNNINGLY]

Wait, are you eating cheesy crab sticks?

Uh-huh.

Don't do it.

NARRATOR: As Boris and Natasha headed

to Long Tom Lobster's Headquarters,

little did they know,

a certain moose and squirrel were already there.

BOTH: Free shrimp!

MAN: Thank you, Lonny.

You may go.

Rocky, Bullwinkle.

Please, join me

I'm Mr. Suitman,

the owner of Long Tom Lobster's.

Where's our free shrimp dinner?

[LAUGHS] Oh, you cut right to the chase,

don't you, Mr. Winkle?

You know, one free shrimp dinner is cool.

But you know what's even cooler?

A bajillion free shrimp dinners.

BOTH: [GASPING] Tell us more.

NARRATOR: As our heroes

were about to hear the offer of a lifetime,

little did they know

something was going on in Suitman's fish t*nk.

Moose and squirrel.

What are they doing here?

Quiet, idiot.

Let's listen and find out.

This children's menu

was actually based on a real map,

drawn by the founder of our restaurant,

Long Tom Lobster.

Before he mysteriously disappeared,

he was said to have a mystical blue gem

that unlocked a power so great,

it helped him turn this restaurant chain

into a seafood phenomenon.

[BLOWS]

According to the original employee handbook,

the games on this menu are actually a series of clues

rumored to lead to that lost gem

somewhere in Venice, Italy.

All of this makes sense to me.

No questions here.

I want that gem.

And because you two are the only ones

to ever solve that maze,

I know you're the only two that can find it.

Bring it to me,

and I will give you free shrimp

for life.

BOTH: We'll do it.

Excellent. I'll take you to the lobster-copter.

This gem sounds amazing.

It must hold secret to restaurant success.

Good point, Natasha.

We should follow moose and squirrel,

and steal that map.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

Good point, great white shark

that is looking at us and is very hungry. [STOMACH GROWLING]

Uh, swim, mermaid!

NARRATOR: Oh, no.

So, while Boris & Natasha went for a nice great white swim,

Rocky & Bullwinkle lobster-coptered across the great big ocean

to the world's most boot-shaped country. Italy.

Mamma mia!

[SINGING] ♪ Row, row, row your gondola

♪ Gently down the canal

♪ Blah, blah, blah Italian stuff

♪ I want free shrimpy now ♪

Bullwinkle, check out all the statues.

BULLWINKLE: Ah, Lionisis, the god of lions.

Constrictimus, the god of serpents.

and Cowabunga,

the Italian god of surfing.

Those aren't real things.

They are in this show.

Now, to find that mystical gem, and get our bajillion shrimp.

But where do we go, Bullwinkle?

The only clue we have so far is this twisty-turny maze,

and we're lost in these twisty-turny canals.

[GASPS] Wait.

Bullwinkle, the maze is a map of Venice.

NARRATOR: Whoa!

They were in the maze all along?

That's a twist even I didn't see coming,

and I have the script.

If we follow the lines on our maze,

it should lead us right to the gem.

[CHUCKLES CUNNINGLY] Thanks for the tip,

moose and moron.

Hey, I'm the moron.

And you're those spies that are always following us.

Like, everywhere.

That's right.

Now give us the map.

No way, we need this for shrimp.

And we need some speed.

You got it, B.

[REVVING]

We can't let them get away.

And we need some speed.

[INHALES DEEPLY, GURGLING]

NARRATOR: And thus, with a super cool tail-powered boat,

and super disgusting mouth-powered boat,

our heroes and villains engaged in a classic gondola chase.

Turn right!

Now left!

Faster, Rock, we're almost there.

Faster, Boris, they're getting away.

[GURGLING]

There it is!

Now stop!

My tail doesn't have brakes!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[GROANS] Where are we?

It's a hidden ancient bath.

Bath?

But I don't see a rubber duckie anywhere.

Are you sure this is where the gem is?

This is where next clue is, dahlink.

Kids' menu maze is just one part of the puzzle

to find mystical seafood gem.

Right, Boris?

[GROANING]

Sure.

And if you follow ancient flame fingers pointing to ceiling,

you find next clue.

Tons of shrimp.

BORIS: Next clue must be on mystical shrimp boat.

Yeah, well, we'll just find that mystical shrimp boat first.

Aw, you've had a long day.

Why don't you take a bath?

Yeah, time to scrub your plans.

[RUMBLING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Now to seal their fate.

Ciao.

Help! Somebody help!

I already took a bath this month!

NARRATOR: Oh, no.

Bath time is supposed to be fun time.

Will our heroes escape the rising tub of terror?

Will Boris and Natasha

find Long Tom Lobster's mystical power gem for Fearless Leader?

Find out after this word from our sponsor.

Do you like fish? And bits?

Of course, you do. So, come on down

to Fearless Fish N Bits.

What are bits?

Well, you know, the delicious tasty middle part of the fish?

The bits are whatever's left.

Mm-hmm. That's good bits.

[EXCLAIMS]

FEARLESS LEADER: And don't forget about our Little Kiddie's Combo Pack.

Each one comes with used corn

and a fun sock.

So, come on down to Fearless Fish N Bits.

Where there's a little bit of love in every bite.

[EXCLAIMS]

Quit hogging the sh*t!

[SCREAMS]

NARRATOR: As we return to our story,

we find our heroes in hot water.

Actually it was regular temperature,

but it was still a really bad situation.

Oh, Rock, I'm sorry for getting us into this.

And I'm sorry I told you earlier

how much I hate this tie.

You didn't tell me you hate the tie.

Well, I'm sorry I was thinking it.

Well, I'm sorry that I thought,

"I'm so sick of Bullwinkle

"giving me these thick markers every year.

"They're too thick to write on anything,

"what was he thinking?"

You're right. We're terrible gift givers.

But we'll always be best friends.

[BOTH CHOKING]

If only there were a stopper like the bath at home.

Bullwinkle, there's not gonna be a giant rubber stopper

at the bottom of an ancient bath.

You gotta be kidding me.

NARRATOR: And then, using his terrible gift...

I got this.

NARRATOR: ...Bullwinkle pulled the plug on their perilous predicament...

[BOTH SCREAMING]

...which also spun our heroes free from their bothersome bindings

Rocky, this was the best present ever.

Aren't you gonna put it back on?

No. Now, let's follow that ceiling clue

and find that shrimp boat before those evil spy guys do.

ROCKY: Wait.

Why are there little numbers next to the clue shrimp?

Hey, it's just like the connect-the-dots puzzle

on the Long Tom Lobster's kids' menu.

Bullwinkle, now it's time to use my terrible gift.

Hoorah!

And my gift of flight.

NARRATOR: And so, Rocky used his terrible gift

to connect the shrimp dots

on the ceiling of the Venetian bath,

revealing that the next clue to finding the gem

was not on a shrimp boat, but...

[GASPS] It's Constrictimus,

the God of serpents.

Which means the next clue

is at that hilarious statue we saw earlier.

And it also means

those mean spies are going to the wrong place.

[SINGING] ♪ Row, row, row your thing

♪ Gently down the thing

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

♪ Fearless Leader's calling now Hey what's happening ♪

Guys, I need those corporate secrets.

Nothing is bringing in customers.

Not even my new limited-time-only spicy bits.

[EXCLAIMS]

[SCREAMING, CRASHES]

Wait a second. Where are you?

You're supposed to be at Long Tom Lobster's headquarters.

That looks like Italy.

It is Italy

because we're on quest

to find you a mystical seafood power gem.

That will make you the most successful

fried fish monger in history.

[EVIL CHICKEN SCREAMING]

Okay, I still have a lot of questions,

but Evil Chicken's on fire,

so get me that gem!

Now, if I was a mystical shrimp boat,

where would I be?

[HORN BLARING]

Coming right at us?

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Boris, that boat is called Mystical.

That must be it.

Good point, Natasha.

Now we just have to get on that boat,

and find that gem.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

Good point, great white shark,

who followed us here?

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

NARRATOR: So, as Boris and Natasha had a great white reunion,

Rocky and Bullwinkle were reuniting with Constrictimus,

the god of serpents,

which is definitely a thing.

Oh, great Constrictimus,

please reveal to us your next clue.

Huh. Must not be a talking statue.

Lame. That must be why it got an F.

Wait a second.

The ground is covered with letters.

[GASPS] We're standing on a giant report card.

Or, we're standing on a giant word search,

just like on the kids' menu.

Let me fly up there for a better look,

by flying.

Bullwinkle, follow these words.

"Hush puppies."

Got it.

"Lobsters."

"Shrimp."

"Beware."

"Take...

"these stairs...

"to the serpent's lair."

Okay, that's all the words I can find.

Nothing happened.

This word search is as lame as that not-talking statue.

[RUMBLING]

Dude, this episode is so cool.

Bullwinkle, this must be where the gem is.

Oh, yeah, I would totally keep a mystical power gem down here.

Oh, man, another lame statue.

Except this one's bigger,

and lamer, and moving.

[HISSING]

Not a statue!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Huh?

Uh, it made a hashtag?

No, wait. I think it's doing tic-tac-toe,

just like the menu map.

BOTH: Whoa! It's the blue power gem.

Bullwinkle, we have to b*at the serpent at tic-tac-toe

to get the gem.

[HISSING]

Step aside, Rock.

Your flying powers got us this far,

now let my tic-tac-toe powers take it from here.

Be careful.

We can't afford to make a mistake.

Relax, Rock.

I got this.

And I lost.

Who loses at tic-tac-toe?

[HISSING]

New plan.

Use your flying powers, and just take it.

What?

[ROCKY SCREAMING]

Grab the tail, Moose!

All I can say is that this free shrimp better be worth it!

[HISSING]

Of course, it is.

[SCREAMS]

NARRATOR: As Rocky and Bullwinkle

were saving their butts from Constrictimus,

Boris and Natasha were up to their necks in shrimp.

I don't see power gem anywhere.

Maybe we have wrong clue.

Good point, Natasha.

And look.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Moose and squirrel have the gem.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

Good point, great white shark.

But now that we found you all this shrimp,

you don't have to eat us anymore.

And you can help us follow that serpent.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

NARRATOR: So, as Rocky and Bullwinkle were pursued by the serpent,

the serpent was pursued by Boris and Natasha

in pursuit of that ancient mystical power gem.

Mama mia, it was a caravan of crazy.

[HISSING]

Rocky, stop!

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMING]

ROCKY: Hokey smokes, Bullwinkle.

The gem can control the water.

Give me that bad boy.

[YELLS]

BOTH: Hokey smokes.

No, give me that bad boy.

Better do it. We got a shark.

Uh-huh, yeah. No.

[BULLWINKLE YELLS]

BOTH: Hokey smo...

[BOTH SCREAMING]

NARRATOR: As Rocky and Bullwinkle waved goodbye to their nefarious nemeses,

they rode a wave back to St. Mark's Square,

using their new bad boy water gem.

BOTH: Best friend-a-versary ever!

And here comes our free shrimp for life.

Well done, Rocky and Bullwinkle.

I knew you two wouldn't let me down.

It's even more beautiful than I ever imagined.

And I imagined it being, like, really beautiful.

Now about all that free shrimp you promised us.

Hmm? Ah, yes, of course.

Here you go.

Three shrimp? That's it?

Hey. Wasn't it supposed to be a lifetime supply?

But that is a lifetime supply

because your lives are about to be over.

[YELLING]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[BOTH CHOKING]

[LAUGHS] Capitalism, baby!

NARRATOR: Whoa! I can't believe the head of that giant corporation

turned out to be evil.

Oh, wait, that actually makes perfect sense.

But what about Rocky and Bullwinkle trapped at the bottom of the canal?

BOTH: Won't somebody save us?

[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

What was that?

How did we get here?

BOTH: Long Tom Lobster?

Are you the one who saved us?

Aye.

Oh, man, we love your restaurants,

and your cheesy crab sticks,

and this spectral glowing thing you've got going on is cool, too.

It is cool, isn't it?

We're sorry, Mr. Lobster,

but we just lost your power gem

to the mean Mr. Suitman.

With those water powers,

he's gonna be unstoppable.

Argh, but we can stop him.

We just need to find the next power gem.

BOTH: There's more gems?

NARRATOR: Shiver me timbers.

There's another power gem?

Where will our gem-questing gents jet off to next?

Will they ever stop Mr. Suitman,

who now has the power to control water?

What will Fearless Leader say,

when he finds out Boris and Natasha

didn't find that gem?

They didn't?

NATASHA AND BORIS: No!

NARRATOR: Find out on our next exciting episode,

"Put Another Shrimp on the Rocky."

Or, "M is for Mystery, Argh is for Pirate."

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]