01x20 - If You Can't b*at 'em, Totem/It's Raining Gems!

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: Previously onThe Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle,

in an attempt to win free shrimp for life,

our heroes went on a quest to find cool mystical gems like this water gem.

H-two-whoa!

And this fire gem.

Just look at them responsibly use those fire powers

because fire is dangerous, kids.

Then, they were sent on a questby the ghostof Long Tom Lobster,

to keep the gems out of evil hands, like Fearless Leader's,

who wants to use the gems for his own nefarious and fishy purposes.

And speaking of purposes...

No those are porpoises, I said purposes.[TRILLING]

Rocky and Bullwinkle must now seek out a third power gem

which Long Tom Lobster just remembered.

Wait! Just remembered there be a third gem!

And do you remember the gems are protected by guardians like this thing?

And that thing!

What terrifying creaturewill be guarding the third gem?

NARRATOR: Let's find out in this new action-packed episode!

BOTH: There's another power gem?

I'm sorry, okay?

I'm five hundred years old and I forget things.

But forget not this...

You gotta get that gem before it falls into the wrong hands,

because if it does fall into the wrong hands

it'll be the end of the world and that's bad!

BOTH: Okay.

So we've already found a water gem and a fire gem.

What's next?

Well, fire and water make hot water.

And hot water cooks spaghetti.

It's a spaghetti gem!

BOTH: [SING SONGY]Spaghetti gem! Spaghetti gem!Spaghetti gem!

No, you dancin' dunces! It's a wind gem.

BOTH: [SING SONGY] Wind gem! Wind gem!

So sad it's not spaghetti gem...

Okay, you're bein' a bit over dramatic.

Spaghetti gem was a pretty big leap.

Yeah.

So where do we find this not-spaghetti gem?

The wind gem be in the windiest city in all the globe.

Chicago?

No. Chicago-- Oh, wait, you did say Chicago.

[BOTH GASP]

LONG TOM LOBSTER: And you'll be needing the water and fire gems,

'cause if you think those last two guardians were bad mamma jammas,

wait till you dancin' dunces tango with the Wind Guardian.

NARRATOR:Oh, I do not like the sound of that.

But with the protection of the power gems,

I'm sure our heroic heroeswill once again escape danger.

Sweet mini-martial artist! A tiny ninja?

Who could it be?

And why is that ninja followingRocky and Bullwinkle?

Seriously, ninja.

Why are you following Rocky and Bullwinkle?

Shh. NARRATOR:Oh, ninja secret.

Maybe we'll find out the answernin-just a moment!

NARRATOR:We rejoin our heroesas they travel to Chicago.

Home to Chicago deep-dish pizza.

Chicago Bears and Cubs.

[BEARS GROWL]

Oh, yes! And wind!

[CAR HORNS BLARING]

No! It's so windy!

Drop the anchor!

Okay, we've found gems in underground canals, inside an active volcano,

but this is definitely the craziest place yet.

BOTH: A minigolf course!

Now, according to Long Tom Lobster, the gem is somewhere in there.

And so is the most terrifying gem guardian yet.

Let's hit the links.

NARRATOR:So, as Rocky and Bullwinkle teed off,

little did they know they were being watched by that tiny ninja!

And also, a certain chicken had taken note of their arrival.

No. Not Evil Chicken.

Evil Chicken's cousin, Chicago Chicken,

who called up her cousin, Gossip Chicken,[DIALS PHONE]

who called their cousin, High Tech Chicken, who sent an email to...

[SQUAWKS]

NARRATOR:Who then texted Fearless Leader.

What?

NARRATOR:Who quickly called-- Guess who?[PHONE RINGING]

Moose and squirrel are minigolfing in Chicago. Go!

NARRATOR: And then Boris called Fearless Leader back.

[PHONE RINGS] Yeah, okay.

How come we have to share tiny TV square but all the chickens get their own?

[SCREAMS] Just go get me those gems!

Let's see. If I was a wind gem, where would I be?

Shh. Rocky, please. I'm trying to get my putt on.

Bullwinkle, we're here to find a mystical power gem

and hitting a tiny ball with a little red putter isn't gonna help.

You're absolutely right, Rock. I should go with Big Martha. Five!

Bullwinkle, you found the wind gem!

Yeah, but now I can't find my ball and that's a two-stroke penalty!

Uh... Yeah. But we found the wind gem!

Now get ready to face the gem guardian that Long Tom Lobster said

would be the meanest mamma jamma of all.

[CHUCKLES] Found my ball!

Hah! No mamma jammas. I guess we're cool.

Not cool!

Who dares disturb the gem?

[BOTH SCREAMING]

I have to say, this is easily one of the most challenging

miniature golf courses I have ever played.

Bullwinkle, quick!

Give me the water and fire gems so we can defeat him.

Got it! Oh, wait, I forgot.

I put them in one of those cute orange storage lockers for safe keeping.

Get the gems, Moose!

On it.

[SCREAMING]

Let's see. Which one was it? Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.[ROCKY SCREAMING]

Bullwinkle!

Aw, now you made me lose my place.

[SCREAMING]

Now I gotta start over! Nope. Nope. Nope.

Bull-- Wink-kle!

Aargh! Nope. Nope.

[SCREAMING]

[BURPS]

NARRATOR:Uh-oh! The wind gem is missing. Who could have taken it?

It was Rocky.

Looks like that guardian is gone with the wind!

Good news. The gems were in the bag the whole time.

It was actually two churros that I locked away for safekeeping.

Just give me the churro.

Rocky, look. A tiny ninja.

Stay back. We have the power of water, fire, and wind.

And churro.

BOTH: Whoa.

Greetings, Rocky and Bullwinkle. I am Thalia.

And I come from Squirrel-Dorado.

Squirrel-Dorado?

The mythical squirrel paradise where the streets are paved with acorns?

Squirrel-De Nada?

Squirrel-Dorado.

It's a hidden cloud city of flying squirrels

that only appears once every hundred years.

And then disappears.

Oh, Squirrel-Tomato.

Squirrel-Dorado! And I'm here to take you there.

Whoa! A floating city full of Rockys?

We gotta go!

But Bullwinkle, we have a mission to keep the power gems safe.

What could be safer than a secret fairy tale sky city?

This loud cow speaks the truth. Our city is quite safe. For now...

Wait, for now? What does that me--

Powerful wind gem, go!

Welcome to Squirrel-Dorado.

Wow. This place is nuts. Literally.

My fellow squirrels, I've found him!

[ALL SCREAMING]

Whoa!

[ROCKY CHUCKLING]

Okay. Well, I guess I'll just catch up with you later!

NARRATOR:So as Bullwinkle stood alone on the nutty streets of Squirrel-Dorado,

two bigger nuts had just arrived at Chicago's own mini-putt golf course.

Hmm. There was great battle here.

Yeah, how'd you figure that one out, Detective Genius?

Is a gift.

What is that?

Oh, is floppy wind guy. But is all floppy, no wind.

Help me.

[GASPS] It talks!

Man, this show just gets weirder and weirder.

Moose and Squirrel steal wind gem.

Wind gem? [GASPS] Boris, there's a third power gem.

And Moose and Squirrel have it.

Floppy guy, tell us where Moose and Squirrel took the gem!

Can take you there. But too weak.

Then perhaps we can make some alterations.

[BOTH LAUGHING VILLAINOUSLY]

[SCREAMS]

So, Evil Chicken's gonna sew up the wind man?

Yeah.

[CHEWING] And she's gonna make him bigger, stronger,

and windier to fight Moose and Squirrel and get me the gems?

That's the plan.

Man, this show just gets weirder and weirder.

[SCREAMS]

BULLWINKLE: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

These acorn streets kinda hurt.

But this acorn ice cream's delicious.

There's nothin' like this at home.

That's because Squirrel-Dorado has everything a squirrel could want.

What about a moose?

No, we have nothing for you.

Oh!

And no visit to Squirrel-Dorado would be complete

without a trip to Chuckle's Nut Hut.

Oh, boy! Stand-up squirrel comedy! Bullwinkle, let's go!

Oof!

[SQUIRRELS LAUGHING]

Has this ever been you?

You trying to store nuts in your tree, and you're like,

"Oh, no! I got too many acorns!"

[LAUGHTER]

That's never happened to me.

Oh, there's just too many!

What am I gonna do? Too many acorns!

COMEDIAN:Come on, y'all. You know what I'm talkin' about!

I don't know what he's talking about.

And have you ever noticed how some squirrels are like, "I like acorns," right?

But other squirrels are all like,

"Wait a minute. I like acorns, too!"

[LAUGHTER]

I don't understand. He said the same thing both times.

But it's the way he said it. Bullwinkle, I love this place.

Please don't.

Just think, if you hadn't convinced me to come to Squirrel-Dorado,

I wouldn't be having the time of my life with all these new friends!

NARRATOR:New friends? Squirrel comedy?

Looks like Bullwinkle is the odd moose out.

Can Rocky and Bullwinkle's friendship survive this squirrely paradise?

And will anyone survive Evil Chicken's wind-strosity?

[ROARS]

[SCREAMS]

NARRATOR: Find out, right after--

[SQUAWKING]

NARRATOR:Oh, no!

We've been hacked by High Tech Chicken![SQUAWKS]

And she won't show us the rest of the episode unless we meet her demands?

[SQUAWKS]

Eleven dollars in Bwak-coins? Forget it, I'm not paying.

[SQUAWKING]

Fine. I don't need to know what happens to Rocky and Bullwinkle's friendship,

or if Boris and Natasha steal the power gems, or--

Okay, I'll pay the eleven dollars!

[SQUAWKING]

Oh, good, we're back!

And we return to Squirrel-Dorado to find

Bullwinkle feeling a little uncomfortable.

So what do think of the feast, Rocky? This is all for you.

This is so amazing.

I've never felt so welcome and so important.

Yeah, well, it was a total blast,

but we gotta get these power gems back

to a pirate ghost so let's go, Rock.

Back to our normal lives and our unbreakable best friendship.

But Rocky can't leave. For he is the Chosen One.

Yeah B, I can't leave cause I'm the Chosen-- What?

There's a prophecy...

Oh, here we go.

THALIA: This ancient stone tablet foretells the story of Squirrel-Dorado

appearing out of the clouds to find a chosen protector

to stay and defend our city forever.

Bullwinkle, it looks just like me when I defeated

the wind guardian at the miniature golf course.

Maybe I am the Chosen One.

What? That--

That prophecy squirrel doesn't look anything like you. See?

Please do not draw on the prophecy.

Rocky, it's you.

ALL: The Chosen One! [CHEERING]

SQUIRREL: Let the Chosen One prophecy dance begin!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

NARRATOR:And so,not wanting to stand in the way

of Rocky's destiny and new friends,

Bullwinkle grabbed a makeshift parachute...

...and left Squirrel-Dorado,and his best friend behind.[BULLWINKLE SOBBING]

Meanwhile, back in Pottsylvania,

Boris and Natasha were readyto head out to Squirrel-Dorado

with their new and improved friend.

Heat-seeking cyborg eye!

Titanium-reinforced fiber fabric!

Steel-fortified and not-floppy hands

to carry us right to Moose and Squirrel.

I like it. But, could you make it bigger?

[GROANS]

[ROARS]

FEARLESS LEADER: That's better! Now go!

NARRATOR:And the Franken-guardianset out to find his wind gem.

Which means they were heading directly toward Squirrel-Dorado!

[LAUGHS] Hey, watch out for this guy.

Okay, who wants an acorn spritzer?

Ah, this is the life, huh Bullwinkle? Bullwinkle?

Oh, I saw your friend take the table cloth

and walk toward the edge of Squirrel-Dorado.

And you know something, I was like, hey antlers, where you going?

And he was all like, [IMITATES CRYING]

"I'm a moose and I don't belong here"

and I was like, "Whoa, whoa, guy.

I didn't ask for your life story."

Bullwinkle left Squirrel-Dorado because he didn't feel like he fit in here?

Hokey smokes, I gotta go find him!

Whoa, guy, I didn't ask for your life story.

Rocky, you can't leave. You're the Chosen One.

Squirrel-Dorado needs you.

I'm sorry, Thalia, but I have to find Bullwinkle.

And I think I know exactly where he is.

Hey, watch out for this guy. [CHUCKLES]

Okay, who wants more grass? Isn't this great?

You guys lovin' Moose-topia or what?

Hey, hey, here's one for you.

What did the moose say to the other moose?

[CRYING] I miss my friend!

ROCKY: Bullwinkle!

Oh, oh, oh, hey Rock. What's up?

Just chillin' with my moose pals.

Yeah, they think I might be the Chosen One.

[FARTS]

Uh... You gotta get me outta here.

But I know you can't 'cause you've gotta get back

to your squirrel friends and your squirrel world and stay there forever.

You thought I was gonna stay in Squirrel-Dorado forever?

Well, aren't you?

They've got all those acorns, and that stand-up squirrel who I guess is funny,

and that enormous wind sock guy flying towards it right now.

[GASPS] It's the Wind Guardian.

And whoa, he's totally yoked now!

Bullwinkle, I've got to protect Squirrel-Dorado.

I'm the Chosen One. Give me the power gems.

No problem.

Oh, right.

I locked them in an adorable Squirrel-dorado locker for safekeeping.

Unbelievable. Let's go!

Goodbye Moose-topia! I'll never forget you!

[FARTS]

NARRATOR: And so our heroes flew fast, through clear, sunny skies.

But back in Squirrel-Dorado, the forecast was calling for wind.

[ALL GASP]

It's some sort of wind sock dancer!

Whoa, he's all like, "Whoa, whoa! And I'm all like... [SCREAMS]"

People of freaky squirrel place!

Give us the power gem and nobody gets hurt.

Except that hack squirrel comedian who clearly had it coming.

We don't know what you're talking about! Leave us in peace!

How about instead we leave you in pieces?

Psst. That means smash stuff big guy.

[SQUIRRELS SCREAMING]

Hey! Why don't you pick on someone your own size?

Like you? [BLOWING]

How you comin' with those gems?

Aw, you made me lose my place, Rock! Nope, nope, nope...

[EFFORT GRUNTS]

Rocky's not afraid of you! He's the Chosen One!

Go ahead, Rocky. Be the Chosen One.

Okay, I guess I could maybe...

Hiyah!

[EFFORT GRUNTING]

Yo, Franken-thing!

Flick this booger!

[SCREAMS]

[OVERLAPS] Rocky!

[SQUIRRELS GASP]

I-- I don't understand.

The ancient prophecy foretold that Rocky was the Chosen One.

[IMPACT GRUNTS]

If it's not him, then who?

Wait a minute.

I'm the Chosen One of Moose-topia.

It must be me!

Wind Guardian! Prepare to-- [SCREAMS]

Okay, it's not me.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Is easy b*ating Moose and Squirrel

when you've got giant Franken-wind thing!

Ugh. I love you, floppy guy.

[ROARS]

SQUIRRELS: We're doomed! Somebody save us! [SCREAMING]

NARRATOR:And at that moment,wanting to protect her friends,

Thalia att*cked the Wind Guardian with everything she had.

[FIGHTING, GRUNTING]

NARRATOR:Kara-take that!

[FIGHTING GRUNTS]

NARRATOR:Thai-chi-wa-wa! Oh, no she tae-kwan-didn't!

But it wasn't enough.

[SQUIRRELS GASP]

You kung-foolish squirrel.

Franken-wind is unstoppable.

[ROARS]

[RATTLES]

BOTH: Wuh-oh.

[SQUIRRELS GASP]

It was Thalia.

Thalia's the Chosen One!

SQUIRRELS: Thalia is the Chosen One! [CHEERING]

Now, about these two.

BOTH: Bye.

[BOTH SCREAMING]

SQUIRRELS: [CHEERING] Thalia! Thalia! Thalia!

NARRATOR:And so,

with theirfearsome foes vanquished,the prophecy stuff fulfilled...

And the true Chosen One revealed...

NARRATOR:The squirrels of Squirrel-Dorado prepared

to return to their squirrel realm for another hundred years

Good luck on the rest of your journey, Rocky and Rocky's friend.

Unless you want to come with us?

We could use a good squirrel.

And this elk can come too.

No. My place is in Frostbite Falls.

I'll go!

What?

Oh, I mean, uh, my place is in Frostbite Falls. Sorry.

NARRATOR:So Squirrel-Dorado disappeared

just like the Lost City of Atlantis if Atlantis was in the sky,

and full of squirrels.

Tell me the truth, Rock.

You're gonna miss Squirrel-Dorado, aren't you?

Yeah, it was pretty cush.

But to be honest there's someplace I'd rather be.

Best Friend-Dorado.

Aw man, what's that, Another floating city?

No, Moose! I mean I'd rather be here with you.

Oh. Aw. Wha-- Oh, aw!

And best of all, we've got all three gems,

safe and sound, and out of the hands of evil.

FEARLESS LEADER: Think again Frostbite Fools.

[SCREAMS] They've got the gems!

Oh. Aw. Wha--

See you in next episode, dahlinks! Hiyah!

[MOOSE GRUNTS]

Oh, why didn't we end the episode seconds ago when everything was going great?

Right?

NARRATOR:Oh, no!

Will our heroes be able to getthe gems backbefore it's too late?

And once Fearless Leader gets the gems,

what evil purpose will he use them for?

I'll tell you for eleven dollars in Bwak-coins.

NARRATOR:Eh, I'll just waitfor our next exciting episode,

"Gem-me Shelter"or "You are the Wind GuardianBeneath my Gems!"

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]