03x08 - I Have Some Very Important News

[bunniefuu]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

KIM: Previously on The Kardashians...

KRIS: You have to give yourself a break

because every time I come over here,

you're the mother of the year.

You're the most attentive
person to all of us.

KIM: ♪ Look excited. ♪

KHLOÉ: Kimberly!

Kim's Malibu house is for the family,

and this is where we're gonna have

barbecues and our summers,

and it's all for the kids.

I'm throwing Mom's birthday party.

How funny would it be if

everyone who comes to the party

is dressed like Kris Jenner?

-I'm getting Kris'd.
-STYLIST: Oh, my God.

-Oh, my... [LAUGHS]
-[PERSON SCREAMING]

Oh, my God, what is happening?!

I never would've imagined
walking in to dozens of mes.

This meant so much
to celebrate my birthday

with my kids,
and my friends, and my family.

This is what it's all about.

And let's not forget, I'm 40.

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Let me show you something ♪

♪ Let me show you somethin' ♪

♪ It's a good life, it's a good vibe ♪

♪ It's a good time, uh ♪

♪ Yeah, we live it up ♪

♪ Let me show you something ♪

♪ Let me show you somethin' ♪

♪ Yeah, let me show you somethin' ♪

-SCOTT: Yello!
-Hey!

What's happenin'?

Do you wanna eat something?

Um... I'd take a tea.

-You got a little tea?
-Hot tea?

Yeah, you know, uh,

now I ask for tea when I go places.

I like your hair.

Hold on, let me get you a tea.

What do you want in it?

Maybe a little chamomile,

a little honey, a little lemon.

-How ya doin'?
-KRIS: Okay. Chef?

-CHEF: Yes.
-Could we get a chamomile tea,

a little honey, a little lemon?

-And a "How ya doin'?"
-KRIS: And a "How ya doin'?"

That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

He thinks I'm crazy.

I love the Jewish star.
I love the chrome hearts.

I have to represent
for my Jews these days.

Thank God.

Are we excited for Mason's bar mitzvah?

-Are you excited? I am, yeah.
-I am beyond.

I'm sitting... The tutor's comin' today.

-He's so happy.
-She comes a few times a week.

He likes the tutor.

People ask me all the time

what was my favorite part

in all of our episodes,
all of our shows combined,

and my answer will always be
when Mason was born

because that was
a very special time for me,

and I was so emotional,

and just being in the room

when Kourtney was giving birth to Mason,

my first-born grandchild.

I can't believe that he's
going to have a bar mitzvah,

that 13 years have
gone by since that time.

It's just remarkable

to me to look back.
That seems like yesterday.

Tell me about... some more about Mason.

What are you gonna do?

So, we're tryin' to figure out
where we're gonna have

his actual bar mitzvah,

and then we're gonna have
his party in the city.

Are you gonna do it in a synagogue?

We might not do it in an synagogue

and do it in a private setting
with, like, a rabbi and stuff,

-and do it maybe, like, outside...
-Oh, nice.

...which is different
'cause I did it in a temple.

Do you want me to get up and say anything?

-Yeah, you gotta light a candle.
-Right.

And what do I say

-when I light the candle?
-That's up to you.

You're proud of him, eh,

-things like that.
-'Kay.

-You live for this.
-Yeah.

Oh, I went to go get a body scan
and they said I was 40.

I'm like literally 40 years old.

How much did you pay them?

[LAUGHS] You're such an [BLEEP].

-I love you, but you're not 40.
-I'm in great shape.

-You are a buzzkill.
-Not a buzzkill!

-You're a [BLEEP] buzzkill.
-There's no k*ll and there's no buzz.

You're gorgeous. You just put a hip in,

-you're not 40.
-I'm gonna put another hip in

-in the next few years.
-If you said 50, I'd go with it.

They said I was totally 40.

I think that feeling young
is a state of mind,

and I don't think having



It keeps me on my toes.

Have you ever thought
about retiring or no?

I am never going to retire.

-Yeah. Anyway, you're 40.
-I think once...

Yeah, exactly. I've got a long way to go.

You should start doin'
like a... a Kris school,

start runnin' out like what's his name.

-Tony Robbins.
-Yeah.

-Yeah.
-But with you? Get people jumpin'.

-[LAUGHS]
-You wanna be 40 at my age? Let's go!

[LAUGHS] Oh, my God.

♪♪

-ROB [ON PHONE]: Yo.
-Hi.

-ROB: Hey.
-Um...

-ROB: Hello.
-Hello.

So, I know you wanna talk
about throwing Dream's party,

and I know you said she wrote a list.

ROB: She wants like a three-tier cake.

I'm pretty sure she said.

I forget the exact

flavor she asked for, but...

I'm sure she'll tell us,

-but okay.
-ROB: Yeah, I'll get the details.

Dream is my niece.
Dream is Rob's daughter.

And she is the cutest little thing ever.

I am helping Rob plan Dream's birthday.

Dream is gonna turn six.

I cannot believe she's gonna be six.

ROB: She wants somebody to,
like, tell jokes.

And she wants a DJ,
she wants a moon bounce,

slime people, she wants a butterfly theme.

Yes.

Rob does such

an incredible job with her,

and I'm just there to help
whenever he needs.

Rob and I are crazy close to one another.

I mean, we've always been, but, you know,

I do not have a relationship
with Dream's mom.

It was just hard to have a relationship

with someone when they sue you

for hundreds of millions of dollars.

Do you know what she wants to wear?

ROB: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She wants a butterfly dress.

She wants, like, pink braids in her hair.

-Oh, my gosh.
-ROB: Um, so I'll get her hair braided,

and her nails done,
and stuff like that, so.

Well, send me some photos that you think

and we'll go from there.

ROB: All right. Well, thank you.

I do think Rob would
come back to the show.

He talks about it a lot, he does.

But I do know Rob has been
through a lot, personally,

but he's literally the best dad I know

and I'm so proud of him for that,

and I know that he's

just feeling really good about himself

and I'm happy for him.

So, I have faith that, soon,

he'll be back on the show.

ROB: God bless you.

God bless you.

ROB: You're a good kid. Keep it up, girl.

-[KHLOÉ CHUCKLES]
-Sorry, I gotta go.

Oh, okay.

Bye.

[CHUCKLES]

ROB: I love you so much.

I love you too, Bobby boy.

♪♪

KRIS: Hi.

What are all these cute cookies?

Were these from you?

No, and they're nasty.

It's probably because they have no flour,

no sugar, no gluten.

It's just cardboard.

I do need to have a chat with you

about what, if anything, am I making

-for Thanksgiving.
-Well, here's the thing.

There's so many people, we would be

in there for three days.

I love this time of the year

because we can really just focus on family

and celebrating things.

We have a lot of Scorpios in our family.

Corey's birthday and Dream's birthday,

and then we have Thanksgiving.

Where are those cookies from?

KOURTNEY: They're, they're just for looks.

And if that's not busy enough,
now we decide to add

making a Christmas album into the mix.

-Mother?
-KRIS: Yes.

Are you excited to sing?

I am, let's go.

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

After my mom recorded
her Christmas song...

♪ Dashing through the snow,
on a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ O'er the fields we go,
laughing all the way ♪

KRIS/KOURTNEY: ♪ Ha, ha, ha ♪

...all my sisters, like,

we've all been talking

about doing a Christmas album.

I think it's because we

all are obsessed with Christmas.

Let's go sing, guys.

And all of the proceeds
will go to charity.

Kourtney, you were
asking me last night if,

um, anybody could sing.

As long as you can carry a tune,
you can sing.

How do you know if you could carry a tune?

Test.

-We're gonna diagnose you guys today.
-Oh, no.

Yeah, so I know Kourtney's
all ready from last night.

Oh, my God.

-She did so good.
-♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

-Beautiful.
-♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

-You just mixed. You just made it...
-Yeah, I mixed!

[LAUGHS]

♪ No, no, no, no, nooo ♪

VALERIE MOREHOUSE: Yes!

None of us are singers.

None of us have had

singing lessons before,

so if a singing lesson might somewhat

make us feel any better, then why not?

Do you guys wanna come sort of this way,

so we can curve around?

I am gonna be auto-tuned.

So, you guys are all gonna go.

-[LIP TRILL]
-[PLAYS PIANO]

-Oh, on this?
-VALERIE: But you're gonna blow into here.

-[BLOWING LIQUID BUBBLES]
-[PLAYS PIANO]

So she's right on key.

[VALERIE DOES LIP TRILLS]

All the way up, here we go.

I want... Kris, you're doin' great.

-I wanna hear her...
-I'm doing great.

COREY: I'mma fix Kim a glass.

Yeah, would you? That'd be great.

-We're, uh, we're playing.
-What are we doing?

-VALERIE: Hi, Kim. I'm Valerie.
-Hi.

-VALERIE: Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.

KHLOÉ: I know Kourtney
and Kim just had their drama,

but... it's a positive
that we're all here.

This is how we operate in this family.

We will talk so much sh*t
about one sibling

and be, like, all here together.

We are known for just
sweeping things under the rug,

so maybe that's what we're doing.

This is our love language.

It's just what we do.

You want the voice to be
seamless, just [VOCALIZING]

-I'm just talking on pitch.
-Wow.

I'm not using my neck muscles.

We have 425 muscles in the neck...

Half of mine are probably Botoxed,

-so I can't, like...
-[LAUGHS]

Let's do this. Just blow bubbles

and give me [LIP TRILL].

This makes it less scary, right?
Here we go.

-[LIQUID BUBBLES]
-[PLAYS PIANO]

Awesome, Kim.

-[LIQUID BUBBLES]
-[PLAYS PIANO]

-KRIS: You have to make a noise, Kim.
-KHLOÉ: You're not making noise.

-I know...
-VALERIE: She's makin' a little.

-She's makin' a little.
-Okay, Sasha Fierce, make a noise.

-Gimme.
-♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪

-[LIQUID BUBBLES]
-But you're gonna say "no" now.

You're gonna ditch the straw.
I'll do it with you.

-Here we go.
-It's okay, she can go.

-No, you go. Just do it.
-No, you go.

It's just not my thing to be like,

♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi ♪

[LAUGHS]

KRIS/KIM: ♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪

KRIS/KHLOÉ: ♪ No, no,
no, no, no, no, no ♪

Oh, wow.

ALL: ♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪

[LAUGHING] I just could not handle it.

-VALERIE: All of you.
-ALL: ♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

-VALERIE: Perfect.
-ALL: ♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

-VALERIE: One more.
-ALL: ♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

That's the bridge, so, um, Kourtney let's

♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

VALERIE: Yes, gimme one more.

♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

Perfect, now you're
starting to blend, right?

Kris... I want you to pull it
into your face, so go,

♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪

♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪

VALERIE: Now take it off and
memorize that.

♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪

Khloé, I'm gonna go a little
lower. Just plug your nose.

-♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪
-VALERIE: Now take it off and do it.

♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪

VALERIE: Keep going, you're great.

I am feeling like I want to die,

and that this is complete t*rture,

and I don't know what I did to somebody

to make me sit here and do this,

and I just don't think it's nice.

-VALERIE: Your pitch is great.
-Oh, no.

-Nice pitch, Khlo.
-Yeah, and it's so much

higher than I thought.

Let's just keep it real.

None of us know how to sing.

I only sing if I'm in my car or my shower

and no one else is around me,
like, this is not nice.

Like, if we're going in tomorrow,

obviously, a lesson is necessary,

but we should also have
a plan of exactly what

-we're recording.
-KOURTNEY: Well, that's what, what she

wanted us to come in with today,

but I ask... texted everyone last night

-and no one answered...
-I gave my answer.

-...and again this morning.
-KIM: Okay, lemme look.

Mom's the only one who wrote back.

We have not officially picked a song.

I've tried, and tried, and tried

to get everyone to agree to a song.

We're definitely getting one song out.

-We do know that.
-KRIS: What is that one song?

Where you going, Joge?

-I'm just going to the bathroom.
-Oh.

The old "I've got something

"to do, so I'm gonna
pretend like I'm going

-to the bathroom" trick.
-KHLOÉ: Kourt, it's you're shindig.

What song do you want, babe?

[RINGBACK TONE]

-BABYFACE [ON PHONE]: Hey.
-Hey.

Wait, so, yeah, we're really
recording a Christmas album

and... the... they're making us
do some singing lesson,

and I'm, like, dying in here,
like, so embarrassed, mortified.

It's just not my thing.

I'd rather take, like, three sh*ts

and then just go in there
and see what we've got.

-BABYFACE: Yeah.
-Like, who cares?

Where is Kim?

Don't we want her input?

She's not invested.

But how funny would it be
if I, like, just tell everyone

I'm too shy, I can't do it,
I'll figure it out.

I'll get on a song and I'll bring it,

and we can, like, add it to the album,

and then you produce it.

It'll sound amazing.

If I'm gonna record
a song, like, I need help.

I'm not, like, Adele here.

But what song do you think I should do?

BABYFACE: Well, I think for you

for the fun of it could be Santa Baby.

It would be so fun to, like, present

a song and just sound amazing,

and they'll be like,
"Where did this come from?"

I feel like I'm gonna
need your help for sure.

-This has to be good.
-BABYFACE: Okay. Well, I'm around.

-Okay. I'll let you know.
-BABYFACE: Okay.

-Okay, bye.
-BABYFACE: Bye.

I got Babyface,

he said he'll do my background vocals,

he said he'll produce me.

This is gonna be good.

[PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

-Hey.
-BABYFACE [ON PHONE]: Hey.

Hey, so I'm with Kourtney,
and Khloé, and me, and Kim,

and we're trying to think
of a Christmas song to sing

-that we could all sing.
-KIM: Who are you talking to?

-Oh!
-KRIS: What do you think?

Hey!

-KIM: Oh!
-What do you think?

Hey!

BABYFACE [ON PHONE]: That's something

that all you guys could do.

KHLOÉ: What were you doing over there?

What was I doing over where?

I just had to go to the bathroom.

-Um...
-With the camera crew and your phone?

...he's trying to give us some advice.

So, of course, my mom called him, too.

I mean, great minds think alike.

I don't think for a second
he's gonna out me

and be like, "Kim just called."

What would you suggest?

KIM: I'm just gonna listen in

and pretend like I have
no idea what's happening,

and see where this goes.

Would you think about it,

Kenny, and just tell us if you think

-of any other songs and then call us back?
-BABYFACE: Yep.

-Okay.
-BABYFACE: I'll let you know.

All right, love you, bye.

All right, I have to go. I love everyone.

-Thank you. It was lovely meeting you.
-VALERIE: You, too.

-Take care. Absolutely.
-I hope we see you again.

Namaste.

-Merry Christmas.
-Oh, cheer-cheerio.

Cheer-cheerio.

[CARS HONKING]

["LOOKING AT ME"
BY VANACORE MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Oh-na, oh-na-na-na ♪

♪ Oh-na, oh-na-na-na ♪

♪ Oh-na-na-na ♪

Holy sh*t, you look cool.

-SERVER: Welcome to Casa Vega.
-SCOTT: Thank you.

-KHLOÉ: Thank you.
-KIM: It's been a while.

And we're, we're missing the food.

SCOTT: We're very excited for some chips

and guacamole and salsa.

KIM: And maybe the chile con queso.

Can I get a strawberry blended margarita?

I am so looking forward to having

a couple margaritas with Kim and Scott.

-I'll have the strawberry, same as hers.
-SERVER: Same as... Okay.

Casa Vega is the best place to do this

because they make quite a great margarita.

All you really need is
one or two and you're good to go.

KHLOÉ: Oh, my God, she is nuts.

-She goes, "I got this. I'm fluent."
-Hi, excuse me.

[SPANISH ACCENT] Señor,

I would love to get some
chips and guacamole.

-Gracias, sa, sa, sa.
-That's literally it.

I'm like, "The guy's from America."

He's like, [AMERICAN ACCENT]
"All right, I'll get those chips, Kris."

KHLOÉ: Look at all of our
pink lady drinks.

SCOTT: Oh, wow, these are on fire.

-Salud. Thank you so much.
-SERVER: Chips and salsa.

-KIM: Thank you.
-SERVER: Okay.

SCOTT: Yo, have you heard some of these

ridiculous rumors that, like,

get written... said about you guys?

KHLOÉ: What?

Just, like, the dumbest rumors.

They're saying that... there's CGI

-putting tears in Kim's face.
-Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, I saw that.

I thought it was funny

'cause when I saw that viral video,

like, you're just...
you're touching here and here,

but your tear was, like,
right perfectly centered,

or something like that.
You just missed it.

KIM: Who would CGI a tear?

-Well, obviously.
-Obviously, nobody,

-but just some idiots...
-We know that.

It's some [BLEEP] loser that has

-all this time on their hands.
-I could not believe that.

The fact that anyone thinks

we're adding CGI tears somewhere.

Like... no one is CGIing nothing.

Definitely not a CGI tear.
Isn't that expensive?

Khloé has fake fingertips?!

-KIM: What?
-What?!

-You guys, the fake fingertips thing.
-Let me see those fingers.

KHLOÉ: I was holding a glass on camera.

I don't know, I could show you the thing.

You guys, before I type it in,

it comes up, "Fake fingers, fake tan,

fake fertility issues."

You guys, I do not have fake fingers.

This looks crazy.

Those are just my hands.

Oh, they're saying,
like, it would start there.

First of all, why would anyone wear...

-have fake fingers?
-'Cause people will say anything.

Leave me alone.

You guys have been [BLEEP]

nitpicking me since I've been on TV.

Now, we're on to my hands, okay, well...

let me clear this up for everyone.

No, I don't wear fake fingertips.

This is the length of my fingers.

This is the length of this hand,

this is the length of this hand.

Ooh, the Kardashians are actually witches,

and every man that comes in contact

-with them is cursed after.
-Oh, I saw that...

SCOTT: But isn't that just the
Kardashian curse?

KHLOÉ: Scott.

But it says that many moons ago,

a woman in our family
made a deal with four witches.

-[KIM LAUGHING]
-It's wild. I'll show you. Let me see.

This is wild.

Oh, guys, should I never date?

But let me tell you something,

and this is where it's [BLEEP] up.

It's super sexist.

Why can society blame us girls,
but they would never blame men?

-You're tell me that I made...
-SCOTT: No, it's the guys' mistake.

...someone a drug addict?

You're telling me I made someone cheat,

-or you made someone this or that? Like...
-SCOTT: No, I think...

-I just wish some of the guys would...
-It's crazy because...

-come to our defense, and be, like...
-I will. I'll say it right now.

-I'm the one that made mistakes.
-Look into the camera and say it.

Hey, everybody! I'm pretty sure
you watched every other season

when we started the show
and I [BLEEP] up a lot.

-[LAUGHS]
-KIM: Lamar.

-Lamar's always come to our defense.
-Lamar. I mean...

Thank you. I-I have a few
thank yous I'd like to say.

Thank you, thank you, Lamar.

Thank you for always
coming to our defense.

Thank you for just... keeping it real.

-Who else?
-Do you want the real list

or the TV list? [LAUGHS]

KIM: Nice.

Oh, my God, Tristan called me today.

KHLOÉ: About?

He told me that he's

buying a house in Hidden Hills

-and that he...
-Do you know this?

Did you know he was
looking in Hidden Hills?

I knew he was looking
in Hidden Hills before.

-Easy, though, for the babies.
-Like... No, yeah. Like, I knew, like,

-I don't know, six or eight months ago.
-SCOTT: Where do you guys stand?

Is there a talks of chances?

No, no chances.

Because if you felt like

you want to open up
your heart and forgive,

-I would support.
-No, I'm totally fine with him.

-Like, I don't have any issues with...
-As you should be.

I really don't.

-I don't have the...
-Cause you're gonna know each other

-forever.
-And I just don't have

the energy for issues.

Yeah, I forgive Tristan.

Doesn't mean I forget what he's done,

but I forgive Tristan for me

'cause I gotta let that sh*t go.

I need to for myself.

I can't move on with my life

if I'm holding on to this bullshit.

-[KIM LAUGHING]
-Hots 'n fots.

At Dugenheigen.

-KHLOÉ: You're disgusting.
-SCOTT: Ha, ha!

KHLOÉ: That's gross.

[CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING]

-TRAVIS: Welcome to the studio, Khloé.
-Hi.

Hi, welcome.

KIM: So excited to get my vocals on.

So excited to hear this, you guys.

We are all meeting
at Travis's studio today

to start recording our Christmas song.

♪ La, da, da ♪

I gotta hear what the acoustics sound
like in here.

TRAVIS: Mm-hm.

♪♪

Kim, would you like a Moscato D'Asti?

-I would, actually.
-Or there's tequila.

The tequila is here to calm our nerves.

Here's our matcha margaritas.
My wife, matcha margaritas.

-I've never heard of that.
-Margaritas.

And, hopefully, loosen us up

to get those vocal chords ready.

Is this a sh*t?

KOURTNEY: I don't think
I'm gonna do a solo part, guys.

A chaser of Moscato
with tequila is so nasty.

And, Thrash, I hear you're
gonna make me sound...

-THRASH: Incredible.
-Yeah.

-Yeah, of course.
-Okay. Me specifically.

-Yeah.
-'Kay.

Oh, my God,

I'm literally gonna throw up
thinking about it.

-PRODUCER: Um.
-[KHLOÉ EXHALES]

Okay, what's the song called,
so I can pull it up?

TRAVIS: It should be really
a walk in the park for them,

an easy and, like,
a fun experience, you know?

♪ Giddy-up, giddy-up, let's go ♪

-♪ Let's look at the sno... show ♪
-KHLOÉ: Oh, no.

[ALL LAUGHING]

You know, Kourtney and I spoke.

We had our talk,

and just doing things like this,

like, we honestly haven't been together

as a family in a while.

-♪ Come on it's lovely weather ♪
-Come on it's lovely... ♪

[BOTH LAUGHING]

North, are we gonna fail?

So, it feels really good
and just back to normal

when we're all here just, like, laughing,

and having fun, and being stupid together.

KHLOÉ: Wait, but there's a lotta echo.

-Is that the point?
-That's the point.

-♪ Just hear those sleigh... ♪
-[KIM LAUGHS]

-I hate an echo... No.
-KIM/KOURTNEY: Ah!

KIM: I love it.

You like the echo?
That's not an auto-tune,

that's just a continual version of myself.

I'm just here

because I don't wanna be left out,

and I wanna be a part
of whatever my family's doing.

But

I, like, don't wanna sing.
This is, like, t*rture.

I just wanna be with my family.

THRASH: All right, here we go.

-[BLEEP] it up.
-THRASH: Let's make a hit.

Should we do Let It Snow?

Well, are we back to square one

where we don't even have a song?

-KIM: Okay.
-KHLOÉ: Okay.

We gotta get this done.

Where's Mom when we need her?

I don't get it, is everyone
doing the whole song?

-Just everyone do one [BLEEP] verse.
-KIM: Yes.

-KRIS: I'll do a verse.
-[KIM SINGING]

KHLOÉ: Oh God, here she is.

One-take wonder up
in this bitch. She's back.

My mom, she was supposed
to be a Broadway star.

She knows what she's here for.

All right. [CLEARS THROAT]

Here we go, kids. [LAUGHING]

♪♪

["SLEIGH RIDE" INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING]

-♪ Home of Farmer Grey ♪
-KOURTNEY: ♪ Farmer Grey ♪

♪ It'll be the perfect ending
of a perfect day ♪

TRAVIS: That's amazing.

♪ We'll be singin' the songs ♪

♪ We love to sing ♪

♪ Without a single stop ♪

♪ At the fireplace while
we watch the chestnuts pop ♪

♪ Pop, pop, pop ♪

[SIGHS] Back in the studio.

This is where it all happened.

I had Jingle Bells last year,

went to number one on the charts.

She likes to say that she's charting,

and she's here to chart
and have a number-one song.

I wasn't even nominated for a Grammy,

which is tragic.

What up, Corey? Happy birthday, man.

Got real.

Can we turn the... it down a little bit,

so I can hear myself a little bit.

-[KHLOÉ LAUGHS]
-You can't... No laughing, guys.

I know, but she can see us.

♪ Santa baby ♪

-♪ Just slip a Sable under the tree ♪
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

♪ For me ♪

-THRASH: Wow.
-♪ Been an awful good girl ♪

♪ Santa baby, so hurry down
the chimney tonight ♪

-Oh, no.
-Cool, we'll go from there.

You better [BLEEP] it up

before that one part that you [BLEEP] up,

but other than that,
you're a [BLEEP] legend,

you breathy [BLEEP]!

-Yeah!
-KRIS: That's right, Khloé!

-KHLOÉ: [BLEEP], yes.
-Woo-hoo!

TRAVIS: Amazing.

[ALL CHEERING]

All right, what song's next?

Come on, Kenny's here.

She's gotta get in and do something.

The best singer is me,

but no one knows it, and I'm too afraid.

Yeah, I will never
sing for anyone, but I can sing.

You guys think it's Kylie?

I swear to you, no one will ever know

that I am the best singer in the family.

I will continue to sing
in the shower or in the car.

It's like...

See, why? Why keep that treasure in?

I have a different vision

for myself and my singing career.

I'm such a major singer, and I'm...

have such a beautiful voice,

and I just don't think, like,
they're worthy, honestly.

[LAUGHTER]

-Why are you up my [BLEEP] right now?
-Okay, I'll leave...

-Like, why... What the [BLEEP]...
-Okay. I was just making sure.

-...are you so close to me?
-KIM: 'Kay.

[SIGHS] You guys, I'm freaking out.

Shut your eyes
and channel some emotional sh*t.

Think deep, close your eyes.

-Anita Baker.
-Shut up.

-Just shut your eyes and do it.
-Oh.

Was someone gonna do...

the auto-tune before?

Who's in charge here?

Who does the auto-tuning?

TRAVIS: Daniel, do we have auto-tune?

Actually, I'm not gonna do
the interviews until you tell me

-it's gonna be auto-tuned.
-PRODUCER: Oh, my God!

Paxy, turn the [BLEEP] rig off.

I'm not gonna sing.
I'm not gonna let it air.

[AUTO-TUNED] I am gonna be auto-tuned.

Auto, auto, auto-tuned.

Wait, but there's a lotta echo.

-Is that the point?
-[AUTO-TUNED] That's the point.

[AUTO-TUNED] Is someone gonna do

the, the, the auto-tune before?

Who's in charge here?

Who, who, who, who does the auto-tuning?

-Get out of here.
-THRASH: That's good.

Yeah, Corey!

THRASH: Is Corey doing the low octave?

Do you wanna be on it?

Mom, I wanna make a song.

♪ They're singing deck the halls ♪

♪ But it's not like Christmas at all ♪

-♪ I remember when you were here ♪
-Yes, Corey!

♪ And all the fun
we had last ye... ♪ [LAUGHS]

-THRASH: Kourt, that was great.
-That was so good.

-KHLOÉ: That was good.
-Corey, we're gonna punch

your line in one more time.

-[KOURTNEY LAUGHS]
-That was so good!

-No, guys.
-Good for you!

I think we need
someone to sing that last line.

KHLOÉ: Kourt, that was un...

-That was great.
-THRASH: That was good, Kourtney.

Let's get one more.

You guys, that's higher than my power.

♪ You were here and all the fun we
had last year ♪

-Yeah, exactly.
-Absolutely.

THRASH: Let's get one more.

They're singing Deck the Halls.

-Here...
-'Kay. We gotta go.

-Take... Drink that.
-I have things to do.

Peace! And love.

Kendall, you're a [BLEEP] bitch,

and you didn't do one song.

The session is undeniably chaos,
but it's also so perfect.

[LAUGHING]

-Legit, that was the best thing yet.
-Yeah.

KOURTNEY: The whole point of doing this

is having fun with each other,

and really that's what it's all about.

-I have to go.
-Did everyone else leave?

-Yep.
-THRASH: Yep.

-'Kay. Are we done?
-Love you.

TRAVIS: We have to shut it down, babe.

Bye, you guys. Thank you. Bye, everybody.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

♪♪

We are having Dream's sixth birthday.

I cannot believe she's six,

and she wanted a butterfly-theme birthday.

I came with her wings.

So, welcome to butterfly land.

♪♪

KRIS: Birthday girl!

What?!

KRIS: Oh, my God, this is so cute!

Dreamy, look at your party!

You're like a rock star. Happy birthday!

You like your diamond butterflies?

And your new phone?!

Who are you?

I love spoiling my grandkids,

and I love when they love something

that I've done for them.

It makes me so happy.

There's nothing better than that,

but the best part
about being a grandparent

is I get to go home
at the end of the party.

[LAUGHS] Is that bad to say? Sorry, guys.

♪♪

KOURTNEY: Yeah, I just wanna get a water.

PENELOPE: For your hangoverness.

KOURTNEY: Yes, for my hangoverness.

-TRAVIS: Yes.
-KOURTNEY: Penelope said it.

[LAUGHTER]

-KHLOÉ: Is it what you wanted?
-DREAM: Yes.

-KHLOÉ: It is? Everything?
-DREAM: Yes, yes.

-Look it.
-Whoa!

That's amazing!

And your snow cone! Did you see it?

Whoa, and your paint
and your slime! I knew it!

-They take this very seriously.
-Yes.

Feel like I'm, like, a third
parent for Dream, I guess.

I mean, I do know
how important it is for Dream

to have a great maternal influence,

whether that be from me,
or her own mom, or whoever,

it's important, and wherever
she gets it from,

she gets it from.

Who gave you those butterfly earrings?

Lovey?! Woo-hoo!

I think the best thing
about this very time in my life

is that I get to spend some really great

quality time with my grandchildren,

and I think I'm very aware
of what a blessing that is,

and how much I appreciate
every single one of them.

SCOTT: What's happening, Sug?

This is cute.

KHLOÉ: Oh, I think we're gonna do piñata.

Piñata time! Everyone, stand in line!

Three swings!

DJ [ON MICROPHONE]:
Come on, guys! Cheer her on.

-Let's go, Dream!
-[ALL CHEERING]

Yeah, you got it, True, yeah!

Khloé really is incredible.

She's the best mom,

loving, and nurturing,
and supportive, and caring,

and she's firm, and she's funny.

DJ: Do you guys know
how to play freeze dance?

KRIS: If you have Khloé for your auntie,

you're probably the luckiest
little kid in the universe.

Reign, do you ever see this dollhouse?

It's a nice crib.

Hello?

-Who's home?
-KHLOÉ: Say hi.

-Say we're... we're cookin'.
-SCOTT: Whoa.

-I was gonna leave, but...
-KHLOÉ: Can you...

Um, for everything you have goin' on

-to do this.
-Oh, my gosh, I love her

-and Rob...
-I know, it's... You take care

-of so many people.
-Oh, Scotty.

-You do. It's amazing.
-No, I appreciate that.

Just can't believe
that you're basically like

somewhat of a co-parent to Dream.

I mean... You guys having fun up there?

You're, like, more than an aunt.

Probably more than an aunt, but...

-Less than a...
-Just a third parent.

-It's amazing.
-I'm the third, the third wheel.

-You're not the third wheel.
-Like most things,

-like most things in life.
-You're like the wheel

that makes the car move.

Dream is one of my babies, too,

just like all the rest of them,

and I absolutely love
being a mom to people.

Let's do the cake and then you can eat.

We're gonna do the cake first.

I love mothering people.

I don't know if they like that or not.

ALL [SINGING]: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

But it's so in my blood just to be a mom.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Woo!

[ALL SINGING, CHEERING]

♪♪

-PERSON: Welcome.
-KOURTNEY: Thank you.

Yeah.

-Drumming?
-Yeah.

Sadly, no, he used to say
he was gonna teach me,

and he wanted to do,
like, a video of me playing.

-We have to do that.
-I feel like that'd be so cute.

-Yeah, maybe on tour when we have time.
-Yeah.

Travis is performing
at James Corden today.

Here he... Here's my husband.

We both love to be there for each other

and support each other as much as we can.

Are you ready?

Uh, I was just practicin' somethin' else.

-Um, we're kinda matching.
-TRAVIS: Not planned either.

Um... thank you for

being so patient with us in the studio.

Of course, what are you talkin' about?

I had the best singers

in the world in my studio.

I've kinda got music done on Santa Baby,

and I got it done on Sleigh Ride.

-Amazing.
-Mm-hm.

I was probably gonna go to
the studio right after this

to finish one more.

I know, like, there's
so much going on right now.

I think that's how you thrive.

-Mm-hm... I have so much.
-I'll just keep adding more,

adding more to your time and to your day.

I really do appreciate so much.

Like, while he's in the middle
of making his Blink album,

and, like, three other albums,

took the time doing
this song with his engineer,

and he loves it, too.

But I was thinking that we should give

all the proceeds to a children's charity.

-That would be incredible.
-KOURTNEY: Um, wait,

-we were just saying...
-Yeah?

...you have to teach me
how to really play the drums.

You wanna try to learn
somethin' right now?

Sure.

So, one, your right hand

-and your right foot are together.
-'Kay.

And then, that's two.

-Two. Three.
-And then, three together.

-And then, by itself.
-Four.

There you go, that's the first half.

-Do it again.
-So, one, two, three.

-[LAUGHING]
-So, so this one goes the whole time.

-Oh, the whole time?
-Mm-hm.

So, do this.

There's actually things that, like,

this foot would be doing, too.

[SOFTLY] Let's not go there yet.

I just wanna be able to be, like,

just feeling it and just getting it out,

but I know there's so much more to it.

-Just remember both hands...
-Four.

-...go on three together.
-Okay.

One, two, three, four. Oh, sh*t.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

-One... sh*t. One.
-Yeah.

-Wait, wait.
-It would be one, two, three, four.

-One, two, three, four.
-Good, babe.

-That's really good.
-'Kay.

-TRAVIS: She's playin' tonight.
-Hey, I'm learning how to play.

-Oh, my God.
-KOURTNEY: I'm learning how to play.

-KOURTNEY: All right.
-Babe, this is your moment right here.

Um, it's... It looks, It looks harder.

It looks harder?!

-It doesn't look hard at all. [LAUGHS]
-I mean, sorry, sorry, sorry.

It's so much harder than it looks.

Basically, you were just doing this.

You were going, "Guys, this looks a lot
harder than it is.

"Don't be fooled.

This is really hard,
and this is just what it is."

Bless you for being here.

Nice to see you. I'll see you shortly.

-TRAVIS: All right.
-KOURTNEY: Bye.

♪♪

-Hi.
-JUSTIN LONG: I'm Justin, um.

-Good to see you. Yeah.
-Pleasure to meet you.

This is very kind of you.

Yes, yes. Thank you very much.
Thank you. Sorry, everyone.

-Hi. Nice to meet you.
-So, anyway, it was so nice to meet you.

Justin, pleasure.

-Awesome.
-Uh, we're gonna watch you play.

-All right, awesome.
-Lookin' forward to it.

CREWMEMBER: Do you wanna sit
in the audience

or do you wanna be back here?

KOURTNEY: What do you think's better?

-CREWMEMBER: I have to be close to Travis.
-Wherever you want.

I love you.
Have the best performance, baby.

Please welcome Avril Lavigne
with Yungblud and Travis Barker.

-[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
-Woo!

SINGING: ♪ But I know I'm a
mess, I'm a mess ♪

♪ When we're not together ♪

KOURTNEY: I love watching my
husband perform.

Like, there's nothing better than that,

and I think it's such
a cool thing to witness.

SINGING: ♪ I'm a mess, I'm a mess ♪

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

Drumming is much harder than it looks,

and it really makes me
that much more impressed

with what an insane drummer he is.

-TRAVIS: Mm. Where'd you watch from?
-KOURTNEY: The side...

-Nice.
-...so I got to see.

♪♪

♪♪

-KHLOÉ: Hi, Mom.
-KRIS: Hello.

-KOURTNEY: Hi.
-KHLOÉ: Hi.

True has a loose tooth and one's wiggly,

so I need to prepare.

Wait, you guys, we're supposed to keep

all their teeth?

No, you don't have to.
One... Well, the tooth fairy

is supposed to have the teeth,

so you definitely don't want
your kids to see it.

Got it, yeah.

KOURTNEY: I mean, I have some.

-KHLOÉ: This is cute, though.
-Kept them in the same drawer

-as Reign's hair.
-Like, scroll...

Ew, Kourtney, enough.

It's Thanksgiving,

and we're all
in the desert, which we love,

and all together and having the best time.

There's a tooth fairy book.

I would get the pillow, the book.

You know, you guys yelled at me

because I saved somebody's belly button.

Mom, that is so disgusting.

Their belly button fell off

-and I put it in a...
-Mom.

-Honestly.
-It's when your belly button falls off

-when you're a baby...
-KHLOÉ: The umbilical cord!

It's not your belly button,
you [BLEEP] imbeciles!

It's like a dark...

-It's, it's, it's like a scab.
-It's an umbilical cord!

-It's a scab.
-I saved the umbilical cord in a...

-Mom, that is so disgusting.
-KOURTNEY: It's a scab.

-KIM: Hi, guys.
-Hi.

-KHLOÉ: Hey, Jogey.
-KIM: What's happenin'?

KOURTNEY: Um, okay, so,

do you guys wanna talk Christmas songs?

Can't wait.

KOURTNEY: Or we could talk
Christmas together?

Do you guys know that the
Christmas album genuinely

keeps me up at night?

Like, I have nightmares
thinking about the voice.

KRIS: Why are you so paranoid?

I don't wanna... I am not a singer.

-I don't wanna be a singer.
-KRIS: You have great voice, but we did...

-But it's just fun.
-KRIS: We had fun.

-That was a memory.
-Why do you think so harsh about it?

-It's a fun thing.
-KHLOÉ: That was fun.

-Critical.
-KOURTNEY: Crucial.

-Um, so, do you guys wanna hear?
-KRIS: Yes, please.

KOURTNEY: What the [BLEEP]?
Why isn't it working now?

Oh God, it's a sign.

You're just in time to hear our songs!

["SLEIGH RIDE" PLAYS ON PHONE]

KIM: ♪ Just hear those
sleigh bells jingle-ing ♪

♪ Ring ting tingle-ing too ♪

KRIS: ♪ There's a birthday party
at the home of Farmer Grey ♪

♪ It'll be a perfect ending
of a perfect day ♪

Mine sounds terrible. [LAUGHS]

To be honest.

I don't know what happened,

but... we need a redo.

-So Mom needs, everyone needs...
-I need to go in again.

So, like, there's, like, minimal things,

-but it's, like...
-KRIS: Well, it's not minimal,

-but I love you for being so nice.
-[LAUGHTER]

No, just to make it awesome.

-We have to redo this.
-KRIS: Yeah.

I'll come back in for a week straight.

But whenever you have time,

just let me know and I'll come over.

-TRAVIS: Okay.
-Okay, guys. Santa Baby.

-KIM [ON PHONE]: ♪ Santa baby, just slip ♪
-Oh.

-♪ A Sable under the tree ♪
-KOURTNEY: Sonta, remember Sonta?

-Sonta baby.
-KOURTNEY: Sonta,

-'cause that's what she said.
-You're really... This is great.

♪ Awful good girl ♪

I would listen to this.

-What? Really? [LAUGHS]
-Yeah.

-You would listen to this?
-Yeah.

-KHLOÉ: I like that one.
-It's so good.

-KOURTNEY: Mm-hm.
-That is so good.

That's gonna chart.

-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
-[LAUGHTER]

All right, so now the next one.

-Corey has a cameo comin' up.
-TRAVIS: Mm-hm.

KOURTNEY [ON PHONE]: ♪ They're singing
deck the halls ♪

COREY [ON PHONE]: ♪ But it's not like
Christmas at all ♪

Oh, Corey.

KOURTNEY: ♪ I remember
when you were here ♪

-[LAUGHTER]
-Yeah, that was, like, a tequila-fueled,

uh, you know, Christmas session.

But now, like, we have these demos,

and you guys can go in and, like,

-fine-tune things.
-And perfect it.

-Oh, my God.
-But it was, it was awesome.

I can come Monday,

-Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.
-KOURTNEY: You guys,

Travis is also being really nice.

He has to turn in his

Blink-182 album to go
on tour by, like, December.

KHLOÉ: Yeah, you guys think Travis has
nothing else to do?

TRAVIS: No, but it's good.

This is a break for, like,

you know, sonically,

-and whatever, it's cool.
-KRIS: Well, whenever you have time

with your schedule and

the importance of what you have

going on with Blink-182,

you have to let us know
when you have time.

-Well, timing is, like, everything.
-KRIS: Yes.

-Sooner than later.
-KRIS: Yep.

-Guys.
-KHLOÉ: Oh God.

On another note,
I have some very important news.

-KYLIE/COREY: You're pregnant.
-Oh boy.

No. By who?

The 500 people I'm dating?

-I gotta stand up for this one.
-KRIS: What's your news?

KHLOÉ: Oh, what are you doing?

-KIM: 'Kay, so...
-KHLOÉ: Uh-oh.

I'm so excited.

-Um, okay, so...
-KHLOÉ: Are you okay?

KYLIE: So nervous.
That feeling in my stomach.

What is it?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

-KIM: I gotta stand up for this one.
-KRIS: What's your news?

KHLOÉ: Oh, what are you doing?

-I wanna know.
-KIM: No one knows.

-KYLIE: So nervous.
-So...

That feeling
in my stomach. What is it?

An executive from Disney called me,

-Rob Mills.
-Yeah.

You know these people, but they wanted to
call me directly,

and then I was gonna connect them

with you once I decided
if I was gonna do it or not.

♪♪

I'm gonna do the show The Bachelorette.

-I'm gonna be the Bachelorette.
-KYLIE: Stop, you're lying.

KIM: I'm so serious.

-You're gonna do The Bachelorette?
-Yes.

-I am.
-KYLIE: What?!

-You're gonna do The Bachelorette?
-KIM: Yes.

-Mom... Kim, 100%, you're not doing that.
-Yes, why?

-KOURTNEY: There's no way
-KIM: Mom, call the guy, Rob.

you're doing The Bachelorette.

No, not happening, nope.

I'm your momager, manager, mother.

[STAMMERS] Name a title.

I'll put any hat on that you want,

but you're not doing this.

They're gonna do it in Malibu.

-KHLOÉ: Who gives a [BLEEP]?
-That is so close by.

You're gonna be stuck
in a house with 20 strange men

-that you have to make out with?
-KYLIE: And you're gonna make out

with on camera?!

Are you okay?

You guys, I've thought this through

and I thought it was so much fun.

Kim, absolutely not

should you be on The Bachelorette.

Like, come on.

First of all, you barely drink,

so you don't know how to be drunk.

They won't let you have your glam team,

I can guarantee you that,

and you're gonna be, ugh,

just making out
with random people all day long?

That sounds... gross.

-Hi, is this Rob?
-ROB MILLS [ON PHONE]: Yeah, it is.

-Hi, it's Kris Jenner.
-ROB MILLS: Kris, how are you?

I'm sitting here
with my family and with Kim...

ROB MILLS: Of course, that's lovely.

...and she just, she just made, um,

-a special announcement that she...
-ROB MILLS: Yes.

...has been offered the role
of The Bachelorette?

ROB MILLS: She, she has.

Now, we're working on all the scheduling

and everything right now.

We're probably 90% there.

Right. 90% there.

What kind of budget
do you guys have for Kim?

-ROB MILLS: For Kim? Well, that's...
-Yeah.

...always subject to a negotiation.

Probably, what we need to do
is have Warner Brothers work

with you, Kris, on what that fee would be.

Well, I just need to wrap my head around

something like this

because...

this isn't exactly the space I saw Kim in,

and she does have four kids,

-and a big, busy life.
-ROB MILLS: But I think that's why

the story is so great.

I watch the show, I love the show.

But... did I want my daughter on the show?

Oh, hell no... No, no, no.

The Bachelorette is an amazing show.

My mom and Kendall are literally

the biggest fans of The Bachelor.

Every Monday,
we can't talk to them, I get it.

But for Kimberly,

I can't imagine her
being herself on that show.

ROB MILLS: I think that somebody who,

you know, has put everybody first,

and now, you know, is,
is looking for, for this guy

is what's gonna make this really special.

Okay, thanks, Rob. I appreciate it.

-ROB MILLS: Oh, you got it, Kris...
-Okay.

-ROB MILLS: Have a great Thanksgiving.
-KRIS: All right, you too.

Happy Thanksgiving.

-ROB MILLS: Okay, bye.
-KRIS: Okay, bye.

What are you mouthing?

I saw you mouth something,

so you're, obviously, [BLEEP] everyone.

I'm kidding, it was a prank!
The head of Disney was in on it.

-Oh God.
-Stop.

I know, I'm sitting here thinking like,

"There's no [BLEEP] way."

KHLOÉ: Oh, my God.

These kids love a good prank,

and it's... I'm always
the victim of the prank.

I'm always the subject of the prank.

For them to go this far,

oh, my God.

And why don't I see these coming?

Why?

I know.

KIM: The look on all of your
faces was, like...

KYLIE: I was convinced
that this, that this was real.

It's times like this
that I feel really blessed

to have such an amazing family.

And being here watching
my kids have so much fun,

makes me really happy.

It's priceless.

KIM: I'm too busy with my singing career,

doing a Christmas album.

Who has time for The Bachelorette?

KHLOÉ: Oh, my God.

Ah.

KIM: Next on The Kardashians...

My number-one slogan,

you wanna make God laugh,
tell him your plans.

So this is not about, like, fighting.

I have notes.

Okay.

With my family,
I'm like, "Protect my energy,"

and like, "I'm married. Bye, everyone."

Like, it's so nice.

KIM: What are these?

MAN: Well, that's music equipment.

-Yeah.
-That was supposed to be for Psalm.

This is me holding on
to the Kanye that I know.

But when you know
it can never get back there,

that's what sucks and that's what's hard.

Isn't God funny how you were so ready

to have your year of being free,

-and now...
-Ohh!

Thank you so much from me and my family.

Man, I don't know what I'd do without

you guys right now, like.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

♪♪

No one could hear me
sounding like a dead alley cat.

I can't do that.

[EXHALES] I'm literally, like, spiraling.

-PRODUCER: We love you...
-Oh, my God.

...so we will make this happen.

Yeah, 'cause I-I can't live like this.

PRODUCER: Okay, this is clearly
causing her stress, folks.

Clearly... Do you
want me to be a drug addict

on Xanax? No.

I already am. [LAUGHS]